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One possible solution that some people, myself included, agree is to relocate big businesses and industrial plants, along with their people, to rural locales.The primary reason for my be
Overall band score 8.5 8+9+8+9 See below C&C LR GRA Model answer WRITING TASK You should spend about 40 minutes on this task Write about the following topic: Traffic and housing problems in major cities could be solved by moving large companies, factories and their employees to the countryside To what extent you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience Write at least 250 words Original answer APPROACH In light of mounting problems concerning traffic and housing in metropolitan areas, the question of how to reverse the status quo has been a topic of public interest lately One possible solution that some people, myself included, agree is to relocate big businesses and industrial plants, along with their people, to rural locales The primary reason for my belief is that the presence of large companies and plants in cities is the major cause of traffic congestion and housing scarcity in these areas This manifests itself starkly in the way the influx of workers traveling back and forth from home to the workplace are causing bumper-to-bumper traffic during peak hours By the same token, as more and more people migrate to cities for employment, it has caused overcrowding, concomitantly giving rise to accommodation shortages and driving up rental Given these reasons, if all big enterprises and factories, as well as their workforces, were relocated to rural locations, it could effectively mitigate these two pressing issues Of course, one might cite the colossal costs of shifting business quarters and activities to rural areas that could discourage businesses from relocating to rural areas However, this is far from insoluble, provided that governments offer financial incentives and other special benefits for companies that agree to move out of cities This has proven successful in the UK, where the government has implemented several tax-cut policies for businesses that move their headquarters to regional cities, incentivizing the rural relocation of many big corporations as a result Another example can be seen in Germany, where the same measures have helped reduce the number of large companies based in Berlin, leading to lower traffic volumes and more affordable housing options in that city In conclusion, I am convinced that the proposal of moving large companies, plants, and their workers out of cities is promising in terms of tackling urban housing and traffic problems, as long as the government is actively involved in facilitating this scheme Overall band score 8.5 8+9+8+9 TR – Task Response nb – GRA and LR errors have not been corrected Band score I’m undecided between and Note that when you said if all big enterprises and factories, as well as their workforces, were relocated to rural locations it is unrealistic In questions like this, the best I would hope for would be to improve the situation slightly Claiming to solve the problem is unrealistic You have a clear position throughout and all parts of the question are addressed Your position is coherent and well-argued The ideas are relevant, extended and there are no contradictions Advice On Brainstorming For Task As you’re planning and writing your answer, remember to constantly ask yourself if you’re answering the question Check back to the question a few times as you think of ideas to make sure they're directly relevant Make sure your introduction directly addresses the question Make sure your ideas address all parts of the question If the question asks for solutions, in the plural, you must suggest at least Make sure your main ideas, as stated in the first sentence of the main body paragraphs, are directly relevant to the question Make sure your supporting ideas, which follow the main ideas in the main body paragraphs, directly support the main idea Be especially careful if you’ve answered similar question before, as there will always be important differences Make sure your conclusion directly answers the question, that it is consistent with the ideas in the main bodies, and that it does not contradict the introduction In light of mounting problems concerning traffic and housing in metropolitan areas, the question of how to reverse the status quo has been a topic of public interest lately One possible solution that some people, myself included, agree is to relocate big businesses and industrial plants, along with their people, to rural locales.[a] The primary reason for my belief is that the presence of large companies and plants in cities is the major cause of traffic congestion and housing scarcity in these areas[b] This manifests itself starkly in the way the influx of workers traveling back and forth from home to the workplace are causing bumper-tobumper traffic during peak hours By the same token, as more and more people migrate to cities for employment, it has caused overcrowding, concomitantly giving rise to accommodation shortages and driving up rental Given these reasons, if all big enterprises and factories, as well as their workforces, [c]were relocated to rural locations, it could effectively mitigate these two pressing issues [d] Of course, one might cite the colossal costs of shifting business quarters and activities to rural areas that could discourage businesses from relocating to rural areas[e] However, this is far from insoluble, provided that governments offer financial incentives and other special benefits for companies that agree to move out of cities This has proven successful in the UK, where the government has implemented several tax-cut policies for businesses that move their headquarters to regional cities[f], incentivizing the rural relocation of many big corporations as a result Another example can be seen in Germany, where the same measures have helped reduce the number of large companies based in Berlin, leading to lower traffic volumes and more affordable housing options in that city[g][h] In conclusion, I am convinced that the proposal of moving large companies, plants, and their workers out of cities is promising in terms of tackling urban housing and traffic problems, as long as the government is actively involved in facilitating this scheme [i] C&C - Cohesion and Coherence nb GRA and LR errors have not been corrected Band score Excellent cohesion and coherence throughout, with no errors The sentences have a natural flow characteristic of high band score answers Paragraphing for Task I recommend you write paragraphs as follows: Write an introduction, that explains what the question is After reading the introduction, the reader should have a good idea what the essay is about, and what your position (opinion) is It should be possible to write an introduction in under 50 words It is not necessary to write a long background statement Write main body paragraphs This should allow you to expand on the ideas sufficiently to persuade the examiner that you’ve fully supported the main ideas If you write main bodies, it is more difficult to expand and support them sufficiently to get a high score If it’s a two-part question, answer the questions in the order they’re given and write one paragraph per question The main body paragraphs should be 100-120 words, and each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and or more supporting ideas which support the topic sentence with reasons, evidence, and examples Do not waste time with lots of background information The topic sentences should directly address the question The conclusion should be consistent with the introduction and the main ideas, and it should not introduce new ideas It should directly answer the question Do not leave the examiner in any doubt about whether you’ve answered the question If you write a third paragraph in a discuss both sides question to clarify your position, make sure that give a good reason to reject one of the sides If you just restated the original ideas about one side, the examiner may decide you have covered one side more than the other It is also ok to write a third body paragraph in a to what extent question if you have main ideas which both agree and disagree with the proposition Avoid short paragraphs, with under 70 words, as it may be difficult to show a clear central topic in a short paragraph In light of mounting problems concerning traffic and housing in metropolitan areas, the question of how to reverse the status quo has been [j]a topic of public interest lately One possible solution that some people, myself included[k], agree is [l]to relocate big businesses and industrial plants, along with their people, to rural locales.[m] The primary reason for my belief is that the presence of large companies and plants in cities is the major cause of traffic congestion and housing scarcity in these areas[n] This manifests itself starkly in the way [o]the influx of workers traveling back and forth from home to the workplace are causing bumper-tobumper traffic [p]during peak hours By the same token, as more and more people migrate to cities for employment, it has caused overcrowding, concomitantly giving rise to accommodation shortages and driving up rental[q] Given these reasons[r], if all big enterprises and factories, as well as their workforces, were relocated to rural locations, it could [s]effectively mitigate these two pressing issues Of course, one might cite the colossal costs of shifting business quarters and activities to rural areas that could discourage businesses from relocating to rural areas[t] However, this is far from insoluble, provided that governments offer financial incentives and other special benefits for companies [u]that agree to move out of cities This has proven successful in the UK, where [v]the government has implemented several tax-cut policies for businesses that move their headquarters to regional cities, incentivizing the rural relocation of many big corporations as a result [w]Another example can be seen in Germany, where the same measures have helped reduce the number of large companies based in Berlin, leading to lower traffic volumes and more affordable housing options in that city[x] In conclusion, I am convinced that the proposal of moving large companies, plants, and their workers out of cities is promising in terms of tackling urban housing and traffic problems, as long as the government is actively involved in facilitating this scheme [y] LR- - Lexical resource nb Some GRA errors have not been corrected Band score Vocabulary is used accurately with sufficient flexibility to show precise meaning, and with only minor inaccuracies, which is good for a band score In light of mounting problems concerning traffic and housing [z]in metropolitan areas, the question of how to reverse the status quo [aa]has been a topic of public interest lately One possible solution that some people, myself included, agree [ab]is to relocate big businesses and industrial plants, along with their people, to rural locales The primary reason for my belief is that the presence of large companies and plants in cities is the major cause of traffic congestion and housing scarcity in these areas This manifests itself starkly [ac]in the way the influx of workers traveling back and forth from home to the workplace [ad]are causing bumper-tobumper traffic during peak hours By the same token, as more and more people migrate to cities for employment[ae], it has caused overcrowding, concomitantly giving rise to accommodation shortages and driving up rental Given these reasons, if all big enterprises and factories, as well as their workforces, were relocated to rural locations, it could effectively mitigate these two pressing issues Of course, one might cite the colossal costs of shifting business quarters and activities to rural areas that could discourage businesses from relocating to rural areas However, this is far from insoluble, provided that governments offer financial incentives and other special benefits for companies that agree to move out of cities This has proven successful in the UK, where the government has implemented several tax-cut [af]policies for businesses that move their headquarters to regional cities, incentivizing the rural relocation of many big [ag]corporations as a result Another example can be seen in Germany, where the same measures have helped reduce the number of large companies based in Berlin, leading to lower traffic volumes and more affordable housing options in that city In conclusion, I am convinced that the proposal of moving large companies, plants, and their workers out of cities is promising in terms of tackling urban housing and traffic problems, as long as the government is actively involved in facilitating this scheme GRA – Grammatical range and accuracy nb Some LR errors have not been corrected Band score Grammar is used accurately a wide variety of structures, which should be good for a band score Punctuation is use correctly throughout Appropriate structures are used throughout In light of mounting problems concerning traffic and housing in metropolitan areas, the question of how to reverse the status quo has been a topic of public interest lately One possible solution that some people, myself included, agree is to relocate big businesses and industrial plants, along with their people, to rural locales The primary reason for my belief is that the presence of large companies and plants in cities is the major cause of traffic congestion and housing scarcity in these areas This manifests itself starkly in the way the influx of workers traveling back and forth from home to the workplace are causing bumper-to-bumper traffic during peak hours By the same token, as more and more people migrate to cities for employment, it has caused overcrowding, concomitantly giving rise to accommodation shortages and driving up rental Given these reasons, if all big enterprises and factories, as well as their workforces, were relocated to rural locations, it could effectively mitigate these two pressing issues Of course, one might cite the colossal costs of shifting business quarters and activities to rural areas that could [ah]discourage businesses from relocating to rural areas However, this is far from insoluble, provided that governments offer financial incentives and other special benefits for companies that agree to move out of cities This has proven successful in the UK, where the government has implemented several tax-cut policies for businesses that move their headquarters to regional cities, incentivizing the rural relocation of many big corporations as a result Another example can be seen in Germany, where the same measures have helped reduce the number of large companies based in Berlin, leading to lower traffic volumes and more affordable housing options in that city In conclusion, I am convinced that the proposal of moving [ai]large companies, plants, and their workers out of cities is promising in terms of tackling urban housing and traffic problems, as long as the government is actively involved in facilitating this scheme