Writing task 2 8.5+ 8999 organised tours (1)

Despite some legitimate concerns, I believe this commercialization is a welcome development overall.Granted, opponents might argue the influx of visitors to remote areas can take a toll

Overall band score 8.5 8+9+9+9

See below C&C LR GRA Model answer

WRITING TASK 2

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task

Write about the following topic:

Organized tour to remote areas and community is increasingly popular.

Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and the

environment?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Write at least 250 words

Original answer -

It is widely recognized that visiting areas and communities off the beaten track is gaining more popularity, with many travel agencies offering organized tours for those interested Despite some legitimate concerns, I believe this

commercialization is a welcome development overall

Granted, opponents might argue the influx of visitors to remote areas can take a toll on the local environment Tourists, they say, may damage natural habitats through activities such as trampling vegetation or throwing garbage all over the place These problems, however, are far from insolvable, with the local

authorities ramping up their efforts to protect the environment This has proven successful in the Galapagos Islands, a popular ecotourism destination in Ecuador The local government here has strictly limited the number of visitors to sensitive areas, as well as imposing hefty fines for those who violate their environmental regulations Thanks to this, even in the face of increasing tourism, the natural beauty of the islands still remains largely intact.The argument in favor of the commercialization of remote locations and communities is further fortified by the numerous benefits it can confer upon the locals First, the development of

tourism can create employment opportunities for indigenous people in such areas

as food and beverage, accommodation, and transportation Also, organized tours can help promote local businesses and products like crafts and souvenirs,

providing a market for local producers These opportunities can provide higher incomes for families and improve their standard of living as a result This effect can be seen in the Galapagos Islands, where the average residents are now

reported to enjoy a much higher living standard with access to a wide range of

facilities and services, something that had been non-existent before tourism took place and the traditional livelihoods were limited

In conclusion, although there are some concerns about the environmental

implications of increasing tourism in far-flung areas and communities, I would contend that these problems can be countered with government intervention In addition, this trend is generally a positive, considering the improvements it can make to the locals’ lives

Overall band score 8.5 8+9+9+9

TR – Task Response nb – GRA and LR errors have not been corrected

Band score 8

You have a clear position throughout and all parts of the question are addressed Your position is coherent and well-argued

The ideas are relevant, extended and there are no contradictions

The example of the Galapagos is good, but I wouldn’t assume all remote areas are equally well protected

Other ideas/suggestions

and respect […]

however “sustainable” they claim it to be

they can make some money, but their traditional lives may be lost People working with tourists can end up making more money than people living traditional lifestyles, which may mean the traditions are lost or die out

Advice On Brainstorming For Task 2

As you’re planning and writing your answer, remember to constantly

ask yourself if you’re answering the question Check back to the

question a few times as you think of ideas to make sure they're

directly relevant

question

the question asks for solutions, in the plural, you must suggest at least 2

of the main body paragraphs, are directly relevant to the question

ideas in the main body paragraphs, directly support the main idea

before, as there will always be important differences

that it is consistent with the ideas in the main bodies, and that it does not contradict the introduction

It is widely recognized that visiting areas and communities off the beaten track is gaining more popularity, with many travel agencies offering organized tours for those interested Despite some legitimate concerns, I believe this

commercialization is a welcome development overall.[a]

Granted, opponents might argue the influx of visitors to remote areas can take a toll on the local environment[b] Tourists, they say, may damage natural habitats through activities such as trampling vegetation or throwing garbage all over the place These problems, however, are far from insolvable, with the local

authorities ramping up their efforts to protect the environment This has proven successful in the Galapagos Islands, a popular ecotourism destination in Ecuador The local government here has strictly limited the number of visitors to sensitive areas, as well as imposing hefty fines for those who violate their environmental regulations Thanks to this, even in the face of increasing tourism, the

natural beauty [c]of the islands still remains largely intact

The argument in favor of the commercialization of remote locations and

communities is further fortified by the numerous benefits it can confer upon the

locals First, the development of tourism can create employment opportunities for indigenous people in such areas as food and beverage, accommodation, and transportation Also, organized tours can help promote local businesses and products like crafts and souvenirs, providing a market for local producers These opportunities can provide higher incomes for families and improve their standard

of living as a result This effect can be seen in the Galapagos Islands, where the average residents are now reported to enjoy a much higher living standard with access to a wide range of facilities and services, something that had been non-existent before tourism took place and the traditional livelihoods were limited.[d]

In conclusion, although there are some concerns about the environmental

implications of increasing tourism in far-flung areas and communities, I would contend that these problems can be countered with government intervention In addition, this trend is generally a positive, considering the improvements it can make to the locals’ lives.[e]

C&C - Cohesion and Coherence nb GRA and LR errors have not been corrected Band score 9

Excellent cohesion and coherence throughout, with no errors

The sentences have a natural flow characteristic of high band score answers

Paragraphing for Task 2

I recommend you write 4 paragraphs as follows:

After reading the introduction, the reader should have a

good idea what the essay is about, and what your position

(opinion) is It should be possible to write an introduction in

under 50 words It is not necessary to write a long

background statement

expand on the ideas sufficiently to persuade the examiner

that you’ve fully supported the main ideas If you write 3

main bodies, it is more difficult to expand and support them

sufficiently to get a high score

they’re given and write one paragraph per question.

each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and 2 or

more supporting ideas which support the topic sentence with

reasons, evidence, and examples Do not waste time with

lots of background information

and the main ideas, and it should not introduce new ideas It

should directly answer the question Do not leave the

examiner in any doubt about whether you’ve answered the

question

to clarify your position, make sure that give a good reason to

reject one of the sides If you just restated the original ideas

about one side, the examiner may decide you have covered

one side more than the other

extent question if you have main ideas which both agree and

disagree with the proposition Avoid short paragraphs, with

under 70 words, as it may be difficult to show a clear central

topic in a short paragraph.

It is widely recognized that visiting areas and communities off the beaten track is gaining more popularity, with many travel agencies offering organized tours for those interested[f] Despite some legitimate concerns[g], I believe this

commercialization is a welcome development overall.[h]

Granted, opponents might argue the influx of visitors to remote areas can take a toll on the local environment[i] Tourists, they say, may damage natural habitats through activities such as trampling vegetation or throwing garbage all over the place These problems, however, are far from insolvable[j], with the local

authorities ramping up their efforts to protect the environment This has proven successful in [k]the Galapagos Islands, a popular ecotourism destination in Ecuador The local government here has strictly limited the number of visitors to sensitive areas, as well as imposing hefty fines for those who [l]violate their environmental regulations Thanks to this[m], even in the face of [n]increasing tourism, the natural beauty of the islands still remains largely intact

The argument in favor of the commercialization of remote locations and

communities is further fortified by the numerous benefits it can confer upon the locals[o] First[p], the development of tourism can create employment opportunities for indigenous people in such areas as [q]food and beverage, accommodation, and transportation Also, organized tours can help promote local businesses and products like crafts and souvenirs, providing a market [r]for local producers These opportunities [s]can provide higher incomes for families and improve their

standard of living as a result This effect can be seen in [t]the Galapagos

Islands, where the average residents are now [u][v]reported to enjoy a much higher living standard with access to a wide range of facilities and services, something that had been non-existent [w]before tourism took place and the traditional

livelihoods were limited

In conclusion, although [x]there are some concerns about the environmental

implications of increasing tourism in far-flung areas and communities, I would contend that these problems can be countered with government intervention In addition[y], this trend is generally a positive, considering the improvements it can make to the locals’ lives

LR- - Lexical resource nb Some GRA errors have not been corrected

Band score 9

Vocabulary is used accurately with sufficient flexibility to show precise meaning, with a wide variety of vocabulary, used accurately and with a high level of control

Minor inaccuracies as seen in my suggestions are not sufficient to affect your score

It is widely recognized that visiting areas and communities off the beaten track is gaining more popularity, with many travel agencies offering organized tours for

those interested Despite some legitimate concerns, I believe this

commercialization is a welcome development overall

Granted, opponents might argue the influx of visitors to remote areas can take a toll on the local environment Tourists, they say, may damage natural habitats through activities such as trampling vegetation or throwing garbage all over the place[z] These problems, however, are far from insolvable[aa], with the local

authorities ramping up their efforts to protect the environment This has proven successful in the Galapagos Islands, a popular ecotourism

destination in [ab]Ecuador The local government here has strictly limited the

number of visitors to sensitive areas, as well as imposing hefty fines for [ac]those who violate their environmental regulations Thanks to this, even in the face of increasing tourism, the natural beauty of the islands still remains largely intact The argument in favor of the commercialization of remote locations and

communities is further fortified by the numerous benefits it can confer upon the locals First, the development of tourism can create employment opportunities for indigenous people in such areas as food and beverage, accommodation, and transportation Also, organized tours can help promote local businesses and products like crafts and souvenirs, providing a market for local producers These opportunities can provide higher incomes for families and improve their standard

of living as a result This effect can be seen in the Galapagos Islands, where the average residents are now reported to enjoy a much higher living standard with access to a wide range of facilities and services, something that had been non-existent before tourism took place [ad]and the traditional livelihoods were

limited[ae]

In conclusion, although there are some concerns about the environmental

implications of increasing tourism in far-flung areas and communities, I would contend that these problems can be countered with government intervention[af]

In addition, this trend is generally a positive, considering the improvements it can make to the locals’ lives

GRA – Grammatical range and accuracy nb Some LR errors have not been corrected

Band score 9

Grammar is used accurately a wide variety of structures, which should be good for

a band score 9

Punctuation is use correctly throughout

Appropriate structures are used throughout

It is widely recognized that visiting areas and communities off the beaten track is gaining more popularity, with many travel agencies offering organized tours for those interested Despite some legitimate concerns, I believe this

commercialization is a welcome development overall

Granted, opponents might argue the influx of visitors to remote areas can take a toll on the local environment Tourists, they say, may damage natural habitats through activities such as trampling vegetation or throwing garbage all over the place These problems, however, are far from insolvable, with the local

authorities ramping up their efforts to protect the environment This has proven successful in the Galapagos Islands, a popular ecotourism destination in Ecuador The local government here has strictly limited the number of visitors to sensitive areas, as well as imposing hefty fines for those who violate their environmental regulations Thanks to this, even in the face of increasing tourism, the natural beauty of the islands still remains largely intact

The argument in favor of the commercialization of remote locations and

communities is further fortified by the numerous benefits it can confer upon the locals First, the development of tourism can create employment opportunities for indigenous people in such areas as food and beverage[ag], accommodation, and transportation Also, organized tours can help promote local businesses and products like crafts and souvenirs, providing a market for local producers These opportunities can provide higher incomes for families and improve their standard

of living as a result This effect can be seen in the Galapagos Islands, where the average residents are now reported to enjoy a much higher living standard with access to a wide[ah] range of facilities and services, something that had been non-existent before tourism took place and the traditional livelihoods were limited

In conclusion, although there are some concerns about the environmental

implications of increasing tourism in far-flung areas and communities, I would contend that these problems can be countered with government intervention In addition, this trend is generally a positive, considering the improvements it can make to the locals’ lives