Writing task 2 8.5+ 9899 art vs science and business

However, nowadays people’s values have changed, and we tend to consider science, technology and business more important than arts.Why is this the case?What can be done to draw people’s a

Overall band score 8.5 9+8+8+9

See below C&C LR GRA Model answer

WRITING TASK 2

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task

Write about the following topic:

For a long time, art has been considered an essential part of all cultures in the world However, nowadays people’s values have changed, and we tend to

consider science, technology and business more important than arts.

Why is this the case?

What can be done to draw people’s attention to art?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Write at least 250 words

Original answer -

It is widely recognized that art has been an integral part of human society since ancient times, serving as a medium for expressing emotions and reflecting

cultural beliefs However, in recent years, there has been a shift in people's

priorities, with a greater emphasis being placed on science, technology, and business and less on the arts This essay will outline the underlying causes of this trend, before suggesting how to make people appreciate art more

Perhaps the foremost reason for the devaluation of art would be the increasing focus on practicality and materialism In today's fast-paced world, people tend to prioritize efficiency, productivity, and financial success over creative, artistic expression This can be seen in the way the modern job market often favors candidates with technical skills and business acumen over ones with artistic

abilities For this reason, young people are often encouraged to pursue STEM subjects (that is, science, technology, engineering, and math) over the arts, as the former is believed to lead to more lucrative career paths

Given the aforementioned reasons, the following steps should be taken to make the arts more appealing First, it is important that the government mount more educational campaigns aimed at showcasing the practical value of art, such as by illustrating how advertising and architecture are inspired by the arts People, once fully cognizant of these practical applications, would be more likely to appreciate its value and thus pay more attention to it This measure should be executed in tandem with exposing young children to art Research has suggested that the

earlier children are introduced to different art forms, the more likely they can develop a sense of appreciation and a lifelong interest in art Such a two-pronged approach could arguably go a long way towards drawing people’s attention back

to the arts

To summarize, the increasing emphasis on practical and material aspects seems

to be the root cause of people today tending to prioritize science, technology, and business over the arts Considering this, the government should ramp up its effort

to show the practicality of art, as well as educating young children about it By doing so, people’s attention could be potentially drawn back to the arts

Overall band score 8.5 9+8+8+9

TR – Task Response nb – GRA and LR errors have not been corrected

Band score 9

This is a difficult question and it’s an excellent answer It’s not clear from the

wording of the question whether it’s about art or the arts, which include music,

theatre, literature, etc I think it’s more likely to be about the latter, but as it’s not clear, it’s ok for you to conflate them

You have a clear position throughout and all parts of the question are addressed Your position is coherent and well-argued The ideas are relevant, extended, and coherent

Other information

 The lack of interest in art is an indication of civilization in decline We’ve gone from this and this to this The same applies to music, etc Maybe we reached our peak at the end of the 19th century

 The only question is whether the decline is natural or done

deliberately Advice On Brainstorming For Task 2

As you’re planning and writing your answer, remember to constantly

ask yourself if you’re answering the question Check back to the

question a few times as++ you think of ideas to make sure they're

directly relevant

 Make sure your introduction directly addresses the

question

 Make sure your ideas address all parts of the question If

the question asks for solutions, in the plural, you must suggest at least 2

 Make sure your main ideas, as stated in the first sentence

of the main body paragraphs, are directly relevant to the question

 Make sure your supporting ideas, which follow the main

ideas in the main body paragraphs, directly support the main idea

 Be especially careful if you’ve answered similar question

before, as there will always be important differences

 Make sure your conclusion directly answers the question,

that it is consistent with the ideas in the main bodies, and that it does not contradict the introduction

It is widely recognized that art has been an integral part of human society since

ancient times, serving as a medium for expressing emotions and reflecting

cultural beliefs However, in recent years, there has been a shift in people's

priorities, with a greater emphasis being placed on science, technology, and

business and less on the arts This essay will outline the underlying causes of this trend, before suggesting how to make people appreciate art more.[a]

Perhaps the foremost reason for the devaluation of art would be the increasing focus on practicality and materialism[b] In today's fast-paced world, people tend

to prioritize efficiency, productivity, and financial success over creative, artistic expression This can be seen in the way the modern job market often favors candidates with technical skills and business acumen over ones with artistic

abilities For this reason, young people are often encouraged to pursue STEM subjects (that is, science, technology, engineering, and math) over the arts, as the former is believed to lead to more lucrative career paths.[c]

Given the aforementioned reasons, the following steps should be taken to make the arts more appealing[d] First, it is important that the government mount more educational campaigns aimed at showcasing the practical value of art, such as by illustrating how advertising and architecture are inspired by the arts People, once fully cognizant of these practical applications, would be more likely to appreciate its value and thus pay more attention to it This measure should be executed in

tandem with exposing young children to art Research has suggested [e]that the earlier children are introduced to different art forms, the more likely they can develop a sense of appreciation and a lifelong interest in art Such a two-pronged approach could arguably [f]go a long way towards drawing people’s attention back

to the arts [g]

To summarize, the increasing emphasis on practical and material aspects seems

to be the root cause of people today tending to prioritize science, technology, and business over the arts Considering this, the government should ramp up its effort

to show the practicality of art, as well as educating young children about it By doing so, people’s attention could be potentially drawn back to the arts.[h]

C&C - Cohesion and Coherence nb GRA and LR errors have not been corrected Band score 8

The organisation is excellent and easy to follow

The paragraphs have a natural flow of ideas and clear central topics

Use of cohesive devices and referencing is excellent throughout

Paragraphing for Task 2

I recommend you write 4 paragraphs as follows:

 Write an introduction, that explains what the question is

After reading the introduction, the reader should have a

good idea what the essay is about, and what your position

(opinion) is It should be possible to write an introduction in

under 50 words It is not necessary to write a long

background statement

 Write 2 main body paragraphs This should allow you to

expand on the ideas sufficiently to persuade the examiner

that you’ve fully supported the main ideas If you write 3

main bodies, it is more difficult to expand and support them

sufficiently to get a high score

 If it’s a two-part question, answer the questions in the order

they’re given and write one paragraph per question

 The main body paragraphs should be 100-120 words, and

each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and 2 or

more supporting ideas which support the topic sentence with

reasons, evidence, and examples Do not waste time with

lots of background information

 The topic sentences should directly address the question

 The conclusion should be consistent with the introduction

and the main ideas, and it should not introduce new ideas It

should directly answer the question Do not leave the

examiner in any doubt about whether you’ve answered the

question

 If you write a third paragraph in a discuss both sides question

to clarify your position, make sure that give a good reason to

reject one of the sides If you just restated the original ideas

about one side, the examiner may decide you have covered

one side more than the other

 It is also ok to write a third body paragraph in a to what

extent question if you have main ideas which both agree and

disagree with the proposition Avoid short paragraphs, with

under 70 words, as it may be difficult to show a clear central

topic in a short paragraph.

It is widely recognized that art has been [i]an integral part of human society since ancient times, serving as [j]a medium for expressing emotions and reflecting

cultural beliefs However, in recent years, there has been a shift in people's

priorities, with a greater emphasis being placed on [k]science, technology, and business and less on the arts This essay will outline the underlying causes of this trend, before suggesting how to [l]make people appreciate art more

Perhaps the foremost reason for the devaluation of art would be the increasing focus on practicality and materialism[m] In today's fast-paced world, people tend

to [n]prioritize efficiency, productivity, and financial success over creative, artistic expression This can be seen in the way the[o] modern job market often favors candidates with technical skills and business acumen over ones with artistic

abilities[p] For this reason, young people are often encouraged [q]to pursue STEM subjects (that is, science, technology, engineering, and math) over the arts, as the former is [r]believed to lead to more lucrative career paths

Given the aforementioned reasons, the following steps should be taken to make the arts more appealing [s]First, it is important that the government mount

more [t]educational campaigns aimed at showcasing the practical value of art, such

as by [u]illustrating how advertising and architecture are inspired by the

arts People, once fully cognizant of these practical applications, would be more likely to [v]appreciate its value and thus pay more attention to it This measure should be executed in tandem with [w]exposing young children to art Research has suggested that the earlier children are introduced to different art forms, the more likely they can develop a sense of appreciation and a lifelong interest in art Such

a two-pronged approach could arguably go a long way towards drawing people’s attention back to the arts

To summarize, the increasing emphasis on practical and material aspects seems

to be the root cause of people today tending to [x]prioritize science, technology, and business over the arts Considering this, the government should ramp up its effort to show the practicality of art, as well as educating young [y]children about

it By doing so[z], people’s attention could be potentially [aa]drawn back to the arts

LR- - Lexical resource nb Some GRA errors have not been corrected

Band score 9

Vocabulary is used accurately with sufficient flexibility to show precise meaning, with a wide variety of vocabulary, used accurately and with a high level of control

It is widely recognized that art has been an integral part of human society since ancient times, serving as a medium for expressing emotions and reflecting

cultural beliefs However, in recent years, there has been a shift in people's

priorities, with a greater emphasis being placed on science, technology, and business and less on the arts This essay will outline the underlying causes of this trend, before suggesting how to make people [ab]appreciate art more

Perhaps the foremost reason for the devaluation of art would be the increasing focus on practicality and materialism In today's fast-paced world, people tend to prioritize efficiency, productivity, and financial success over creative, artistic expression This can be seen in the way the modern job market often favors

candidates with technical skills and business acumen over ones with artistic

abilities For this reason, young people are often encouraged to pursue STEM subjects (that is, science, technology, engineering, and math) over the arts, as the former is believed to lead to more lucrative career paths

Given the aforementioned reasons, the following steps should be taken to make the arts more appealing First, it is important that the government mount more educational campaigns aimed at showcasing the practical value of art, such as by illustrating how advertising and architecture are inspired by the arts People, once fully cognizant of these practical applications, would be more likely to appreciate its value and thus pay more attention to it This measure should be executed in tandem with exposing young children to art Research has suggested that the earlier children are introduced to different art forms, the more likely they can develop a sense of appreciation and a lifelong interest in art Such a two-pronged approach could arguably go a long way towards drawing people’s attention back

to the arts

To summarize, the increasing emphasis on practical and material aspects seems

to be the root cause of people today tending to prioritize science, technology, and business over the arts Considering this, the government should ramp up its effort

to show the practicality of art, as well as educating young children about it By doing so, people’s attention could be potentially drawn back to the arts

GRA – Grammatical range and accuracy nb Some LR errors have not been corrected

Band score 9

Grammar is used accurately with a wide variety of structures, which should be good for a band score 9

Punctuation is used correctly throughout

Appropriate structures are used throughout

It is widely recognized that art has been an integral part of human society since ancient times, serving as a medium for expressing emotions and reflecting

cultural beliefs However, in recent years, there has been a shift in people's

priorities, with a greater emphasis being placed on science, technology, and

business and less on the arts This essay will outline the underlying causes of this trend, before suggesting how to make people appreciate art more

Perhaps the foremost reason for the devaluation of art would be the increasing focus on practicality and materialism In today's fast-paced world, people tend to prioritize efficiency, productivity, and financial success over creative, artistic expression This can be seen in the way the modern job market often favors candidates with technical skills and business acumen over ones with artistic

abilities For this reason, young people are often encouraged to pursue STEM subjects (that is, science, technology, engineering, and math) over the arts, as the former is believed to lead to more lucrative career paths

Given the aforementioned reasons, the following steps should be taken to make the arts more appealing First, it is important that the government mount more educational campaigns aimed at showcasing the practical value of art, such as by illustrating how advertising and architecture are inspired by the arts People, once fully cognizant of these practical applications, would be more likely to appreciate its value and thus pay more attention to it This measure should be executed in tandem with exposing young children to art Research has suggested that the earlier children are introduced to different art forms, the more likely

they can [ac]develop a sense of appreciation and a lifelong interest in art Such a two-pronged approach could arguably go a long way towards drawing people’s attention back to the arts

To summarize, the increasing emphasis on practical and material aspects seems

to be the root cause of people today tending to prioritize science, technology, and business over the arts Considering this, the government should ramp up its effort

to show the practicality of art, as well as educating young children about it By doing so, people’s attention could be potentially drawn back to the arts