Writing task 2 8.5+ 8999 antisocial behaviour

Trang 1 Overall band score 8.5 8+9+9+9See below C&C LR GRA Model answerWRITING TASK 2You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.Write about the following topic:Many people think ther

Overall band score 8.5 8+9+9+9

See below C&C LR GRA Model answer

WRITING TASK 2

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task

Write about the following topic:

Many people think there is an increase of antisocial behavior and a lack of respect to others.

What do you think are the causes of this and what can be done about that?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Write at least 250 words

Original answer -

The escalation of anti-social conduct and disregard for others has become a

prevalent issue in today’s world This essay will delve into the underlying causes

of this phenomenon before proposing some viable solutions to improve the situation

The increase in anti-social behavior and lack of respect for others is largely

attributed to the erosion of communal values and the pervasive influence of technology Regarding the former, as societies become more individualistic, people may feel isolated and develop a survivalist mentality, prioritizing their own needs above those of others This shift in priorities often leads to a lack of

empathy, fostering anti-social tendencies and disrespect for fellow citizens This is compounded by the frequent exposure to aggressive online interactions, which can desensitize one to the feelings of others, resulting in a callous disregard for the well-being and opinions of other individuals

To combat the rise in anti-social behavior and lack of respect for others, the following steps should be taken First, it is imperative to promote a greater sense

of community and foster empathy within society This can be done through such initiatives as neighborhood outreach programs, intergenerational activities, and volunteer opportunities, which can help bridge the gap between individuals and facilitate a deeper understanding of diverse perspectives In tandem with this, the responsible use of technology and social media should be emphasized through education Schools can incorporate digital citizenship and empathy training into their curriculums, teaching students the importance of treating others with

respect both online and offline Such a two-pronged approach could go a long

way towards cultivating a sense of belonging and mutual respect in the general population

To summarize, what seems to be at the core of the rise in anti-social conduct and disregard for others is the pervasive influence of technology and the deterioration

of traditional values By fostering a sense of community and promoting

responsible technological use, society can work towards reversing this troubling trend

Overall band score 8.5 8+9+9+9

TR – Task Response nb – GRA and LR errors have not been corrected

Band score 8

You didn’t give any examples of antisocial behaviour, so the examiner has to decide if this is important I definitely would, as doing so makes the explanation

of the causes more credible In your answer, your causes explain rudeness, but not vandalism

Examples of antisocial behaviour may include:

The causes you gave make sense and are clearly stated Anyone watching TV drama or Youtube videos is exposed example after example of intolerance and a rapid escalation in tension and violence What happens is that bad behaviour is being modelled, and it is eventually perceived as the norm However, for me, this doesn’t explain vandalism I’d think about alienation from society in the case of people who perceive themselves as not having a stake, perhaps caused by

unemployment or a hostile or non-caring home environment

Your solutions are ok for rudeness and lack of respect, but not necessarily for vandalism

Nevertheless, it’s a well-developed response

You have a clear position throughout and all parts of the question are addressed Your position is coherent and well-argued

The ideas are relevant, extended and there are no contradictions

Other possible solutions

Other possible causes

watching it being modelled on TV etc This normalises it and, in some cases, even glamorises it

Advice On Brainstorming For Task 2

As you’re planning and writing your answer, remember to constantly

ask yourself if you’re answering the question Check back to the

question a few times as you think of ideas to make sure they're

directly relevant

question

the question asks for solutions, in the plural, you must suggest at least 2

of the main body paragraphs, are directly relevant to the question

ideas in the main body paragraphs, directly support the main idea

before, as there will always be important differences

 Make sure your conclusion directly answers the question,

that it is consistent with the ideas in the main bodies, and that it does not contradict the introduction

The escalation of anti-social conduct and disregard for others has become a

prevalent issue in today’s world This essay will delve into the underlying causes

of this phenomenon before proposing some viable solutions to improve the

situation.[a]

The increase in anti-social behavior and lack of respect for others is largely

attributed to the erosion of communal values and the pervasive influence of technology[b] Regarding the former, as societies become more individualistic, people may feel isolated and develop a survivalist mentality, prioritizing their own needs above those of others[c] This shift in priorities often leads to a lack of

empathy, fostering anti-social tendencies [d]and disrespect for fellow

citizens[e] This is compounded by the frequent exposure to aggressive online interactions, which can desensitize one to the feelings of others, resulting in a callous disregard for the well-being and opinions of other individuals.[f][g]

To combat the rise in anti-social behavior and lack of respect for others, the

following steps should be taken [h]First, it is imperative to promote a greater sense

of community and foster empathy within society This can be done through such initiatives as neighborhood outreach programs, intergenerational activities, and volunteer opportunities, which can help bridge the gap between individuals and facilitate a deeper understanding of diverse perspectives In tandem with this, the responsible use of technology and social media should be emphasized through education Schools can incorporate digital citizenship [i]and empathy training into their curriculums, teaching students the importance of treating others with

respect both online and offline Such a two-pronged approach could go a long way towards cultivating a sense of belonging and mutual respect in the general population.[j]

To summarize, what seems to be at the core of the rise in anti-social conduct and disregard for others is the pervasive influence of technology and the deterioration

of traditional values By fostering a sense of community and promoting

responsible technological use, society can work towards reversing this troubling trend.[k]

C&C - Cohesion and Coherence nb GRA and LR errors have not been corrected Band score 9

Excellent cohesion and coherence throughout, with no errors

The sentences have a natural flow characteristic of high band score answers.

Paragraphing for Task 2

I recommend you write 4 paragraphs as follows:

After reading the introduction, the reader should have a

good idea what the essay is about, and what your position

(opinion) is It should be possible to write an introduction in

under 50 words It is not necessary to write a long

background statement

expand on the ideas sufficiently to persuade the examiner

that you’ve fully supported the main ideas If you write 3

main bodies, it is more difficult to expand and support them

sufficiently to get a high score

they’re given and write one paragraph per question

each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and 2 or

more supporting ideas which support the topic sentence with reasons, evidence, and examples Do not waste time with

lots of background information

and the main ideas, and it should not introduce new ideas It should directly answer the question Do not leave the

examiner in any doubt about whether you’ve answered the

question

to clarify your position, make sure that give a good reason to reject one of the sides If you just restated the original ideas

about one side, the examiner may decide you have covered

one side more than the other

 It is also ok to write a third body paragraph in a to what

extent question if you have main ideas which both agree and

disagree with the proposition Avoid short paragraphs, with

under 70 words, as it may be difficult to show a clear central

topic in a short paragraph.

The escalation of anti-social conduct and disregard for others has become a

prevalent issue in today’s world This essay will delve into the underlying causes

of this phenomenon before proposing some viable solutions to improve the

situation.[l]

The increase in anti-social behavior and lack of respect for others is largely

attributed to the erosion of communal values and the pervasive influence of technology [m]Regarding the former, as societies become more individualistic, people may feel isolated and develop a survivalist mentality, prioritizing their own needs above those of others This shift in priorities often leads to a lack of

empathy, fostering anti-social tendencies and disrespect for fellow citizens This is compounded by the frequent exposure to aggressive online interactions, which can desensitize one to the feelings of others, resulting in a callous disregard for the well-being and opinions of other individuals.[n]

To combat the rise in anti-social behavior and lack of respect for others, the

following steps should be taken[o] First, it is imperative to promote a greater sense

of community and foster empathy within society This can be done through such initiatives as neighborhood outreach programs, intergenerational activities, and volunteer opportunities, which can help bridge the gap between individuals and facilitate a deeper understanding of diverse perspectives In tandem with this, the responsible use of technology and social media should be emphasized through education Schools can incorporate digital citizenship and empathy training into their curriculums, teaching students the importance of treating others with

respect both online and offline Such a two-pronged approach could go a long way towards cultivating a sense of belonging and mutual respect in the general population.[p]

To summarize, what seems to be at the core of the rise in anti-social conduct and disregard for others is the pervasive influence of technology and the deterioration

of traditional values By fostering a sense of community and promoting

responsible technological use, society can work towards reversing this troubling trend

LR- - Lexical resource nb Some GRA errors have not been corrected

Band score 9

Vocabulary is used accurately with sufficient flexibility to show precise meaning, with a wide variety of vocabulary, used accurately and with a high level of control

The escalation of [q]anti-social conduct and disregard for others has become a prevalent issue in today’s world This essay will delve into the underlying causes

of this phenomenon before proposing some viable [r]solutions to improve the situation

The increase in anti-social behavior and lack of respect for others is largely

attributed to the erosion of communal values and the pervasive influence of technology Regarding the former, as societies become more individualistic,

people may feel isolated and develop a survivalist mentality, prioritizing their own needs above those of others This shift in priorities often leads to a lack of

empathy, fostering anti-social tendencies and disrespect for fellow citizens This is

compounded by the frequent exposure to aggressive online interactions, which can desensitize one to the feelings of others, resulting in a callous disregard for the well-being and opinions of other individuals

To combat the rise in anti-social behavior and lack of respect for others, the following steps should be taken First, it is imperative to promote a greater sense

of community and foster empathy within society This can be done through such

initiatives as neighborhood outreach programs, intergenerational activities, and volunteer opportunities, which can help bridge the gap between individuals and facilitate a deeper understanding of diverse perspectives In tandem with this, the responsible use of technology and social media should be emphasized through education Schools can incorporate digital citizenship and empathy training into their curriculums, teaching students the importance of treating others with

respect both online and offline Such a two-pronged approach could go a long

way towards cultivating a sense of belonging and mutual respect in the general population

To summarize, what seems to be at the core of the rise in anti-social conduct and disregard for others is the pervasive influence of technology and the deterioration

of traditional values By fostering [s]a sense of community and promoting

responsible technological use, society can work towards reversing this troubling trend

GRA – Grammatical range and accuracy nb Some LR errors have not been corrected

Band score 9

Grammar is used accurately with a wide variety of structures, which should be good for a band score 9

Punctuation is used correctly throughout

Appropriate structures are used throughout

The escalation of anti-social conduct and disregard for others has become a

prevalent issue in today’s world This essay will delve into the underlying causes

of this phenomenon before proposing some viable solutions to improve the situation

The increase in anti-social behavior and lack of respect for others is largely

attributed to the erosion of communal values and the pervasive influence of technology Regarding the former, as societies become more individualistic,

people may feel isolated and develop a survivalist mentality, prioritizing their own needs above those of others This shift in priorities often leads to a lack of

empathy, fostering anti-social tendencies and disrespect for fellow citizens This is compounded by the frequent exposure to aggressive online interactions, which can desensitize one to the feelings of others, resulting in a callous disregard for the well-being and opinions of other individuals

To combat the rise in anti-social behavior and lack of respect for others, the following steps should be taken First, it is imperative to promote a greater sense

of community and foster empathy within society This can be done through such initiatives as neighborhood outreach programs, intergenerational activities, and

volunteer opportunities, which can help bridge the gap between individuals and facilitate a deeper understanding of diverse perspectives In tandem with this, the responsible use of technology and social media should be emphasized through education Schools can incorporate digital citizenship and empathy training into their curriculums, teaching students the importance of treating others with

respect both online and offline Such a two-pronged approach could go a long way towards cultivating a sense of belonging and mutual respect in the general population

To summarize, what seems to be at the core of the rise in anti-social conduct and disregard for others is the pervasive influence of technology and the deterioration

of traditional values By fostering a sense of community and promoting

responsible technological use, society can work towards reversing this troubling trend