Writing task 2 8.5 9889 graphic descriptions of crime

Trang 1 Overall band score 8.5 9+8+8+9See below C&C LR GRA Model answerWRITING TASK 2You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.Write about the following topic:Some people think that

Overall band score 8.5 9+8+8+9

See below C&C LR GRA Model answer

WRITING TASK 2

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task

Write about the following topic:

Some people think that the detailed criminal description on newspapers and TV has bad influences, so this kind of information should be restricted in the media.

Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Write at least 250 words

Original answer -

There has been a trend towards publishing criminal cases in detail in recent years Many people, myself included, however, believe that the government should exercise restrictions on this kind of reporting This essay will shed light on my belief by demonstrating various negative ramifications of publishing detailed descriptions of crimes

The first consequence is that describing criminal cases in detail can take a toll on the victims and their families The case of a Vietnamese 9-year-old girl who was sexually assaulted by her teacher at a primary school in 2020 perfectly exemplifies this point After the allegations came to light, the media began reporting on the case, including details of the assault and the identity of the perpetrator and

victim Nevertheless, according to the child's parents, the reporting had

revictimized the girl and increased her trauma, throwing her into deep depression and impeding her recovery

In addition to causing additional harm to the people involved, detailed

descriptions of criminal cases in the media could also interfere with law

enforcement’s ability to gather evidence, especially in cases where information is leaked prematurely This could impede the process of bringing perpetrators to justice Worse still, detailed information about a crime can cause prejudice and bias against the suspect or accused, even before they have had a fair trial This could potentially undermine the ability of the accused to receive fair judgements, hence wrongful convictions or the persecution of innocent individuals

To summarize, for the aforementioned potential consequences, I would argue that the government should restrict media outlets from reporting on criminal cases in detail, especially sensitive ones

Overall band score 8.5 9+8+8+9

TR – Task Response nb – GRA and LR errors have not been corrected

Band score 9

You have a clear position throughout and all parts of the question are addressed Your position is coherent and well-argued The ideas are relevant, extended, and

coherent

Other comments

prurient readers

normal

way people binge watch this type of material on the internet Advice On Brainstorming For Task 2

As you’re planning and writing your answer, remember to constantly

ask yourself if you’re answering the question Check back to the

question a few times as you think of ideas to make sure they're

directly relevant

question

the question asks for solutions, in the plural, you must suggest at least 2

of the main body paragraphs, are directly relevant to the question

 Make sure your supporting ideas, which follow the main

ideas in the main body paragraphs, directly support the main idea

before, as there will always be important differences

that it is consistent with the ideas in the main bodies, and that it does not contradict the introduction

There has been a trend towards publishing criminal cases in detail in recent years Many people, myself included, however, believe that the government should exercise restrictions on this kind of reporting This essay will shed light on my belief by demonstrating various negative ramifications of publishing detailed

The first consequence is that describing criminal cases in detail can take a toll on

sexually assaulted by her teacher at a primary school in 2020 perfectly exemplifies this point After the allegations came to light, the media began reporting on the case, including details of the assault and the identity of the perpetrator and

victim Nevertheless, according to the child's parents, the reporting had

revictimized the girl and increased her trauma, throwing her into deep depression

In addition to causing additional harm to the people involved, detailed

descriptions of criminal cases in the media could also interfere with law

enforcement’s ability to gather evidence, especially in cases where information is

justice Worse still, detailed information about a crime can cause prejudice and bias against the suspect or accused, even before they have had a fair trial This could potentially undermine the ability of the accused to receive fair judgements,

To summarize, for the aforementioned potential consequences, I would argue that the government should restrict media outlets from reporting on criminal

C&C - Cohesion and Coherence nb GRA and LR errors have not been corrected Band score 8

The organisation is excellent and easy to follow

The paragraphs have a natural flow of ideas and clear central topics

Use of cohesive devices and referencing is excellent throughout

Paragraphing for Task 2

I recommend you write 4 paragraphs as follows:

After reading the introduction, the reader should have a good idea what the essay is about, and what your position (opinion) is It should be possible to write an introduction in under 50 words It is not necessary to write a long

background statement

expand on the ideas sufficiently to persuade the examiner that you’ve fully supported the main ideas If you write 3 main bodies, it is more difficult to expand and support them sufficiently to get a high score

they’re given and write one paragraph per question

each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and 2 or more supporting ideas which support the topic sentence with reasons, evidence, and examples Do not waste time with lots of background information

and the main ideas, and it should not introduce new ideas It should directly answer the question Do not leave the

examiner in any doubt about whether you’ve answered the question

to clarify your position, make sure that give a good reason to reject one of the sides If you just restated the original ideas about one side, the examiner may decide you have covered one side more than the other

extent question if you have main ideas which both agree and

disagree with the proposition Avoid short paragraphs, with

under 70 words, as it may be difficult to show a clear central

topic in a short paragraph.

There has been a trend towards publishing criminal cases in detail in recent

should exercise restrictions on this kind of reporting This essay will shed light on

my belief by demonstrating various negative ramifications of publishing detailed descriptions of crimes

The first consequence is that describing criminal cases in detail can take a toll on

sexually assaulted by her teacher at a primary school in 2020 perfectly exemplifies

case, including details of the assault and the identity of the perpetrator and

revictimized the girl and increased her trauma, throwing her into deep depression

In addition to causing additional harm to the people involved, detailed

descriptions of criminal cases in the media could also interfere with law

enforcement’s ability to gather evidence, especially in cases where information is

could potentially undermine the ability of the accused to receive fair

judgements, hence wrongful convictions or the persecution of innocent

To summarize, for the aforementioned potential consequences, I would argue that the government should restrict media outlets from reporting on criminal cases in detail, especially sensitive ones

LR- - Lexical resource nb Some GRA errors have not been corrected

Band score 8

Vocabulary is used accurately with sufficient flexibility to show precise meaning, and with only minor inaccuracies, which is good for a band score 8

There are lots of good adjective that could be used here –

 sensationalist

years Many people, myself included, however, believe that the government

my belief by demonstrating various negative ramifications of

The first consequence is that describing criminal cases in detail can take a toll on the victims and their families The case of a Vietnamese 9-year-old girl who was sexually assaulted by her teacher at a primary school in 2020 perfectly exemplifies this point After the allegations came to light, the media began reporting on the case, including details of the assault and the identity of the perpetrator and

victim Nevertheless, according to the child's parents, the reporting had

revictimized the girl and increased her trauma, throwing her into deep depression and impeding her recovery

In addition to causing additional harm to the people

involved, detailed descriptions of criminal cases in the media could also interfere

information is leaked prematurely This could impede the process of bringing

perpetrators to justice Worse still, detailed information about a crime can

cause prejudice and bias against the suspect or accused, even before they have

receive fair judgements, hence wrongful convictions or the persecution of

innocent individuals

To summarize, for the aforementioned potential consequences, I would argue that the government should restrict media outlets from reporting on criminal cases in detail, especially sensitive ones

GRA – Grammatical range and accuracy nb Some LR errors have not been corrected

Band score 9

Grammar is used accurately with a wide variety of structures, which should be good for a band score 9

Punctuation is used correctly throughout

Appropriate structures are used throughout

There has been a trend towards publishing criminal cases in detail in recent years Many people, myself included, however, believe that the government should exercise restrictions on this kind of reporting This essay will shed light on my belief by demonstrating various negative ramifications of publishing detailed descriptions of crimes

The first consequence is that describing criminal cases in detail can take a toll on the victims and their families The case of a Vietnamese 9-year-old girl who was sexually assaulted by her teacher at a primary school in 2020 perfectly exemplifies this point After the allegations came to light, the media began reporting on the case, including details of the assault and the identity of the perpetrator and

victim Nevertheless, according to the child's parents, the

reporting had revictimized the girl and increased her trauma, throwing her into deep depression and impeding her recovery

In addition to causing additional harm to the people involved, detailed

descriptions of criminal cases in the media could also interfere with law

enforcement’s ability to gather evidence, especially in cases where information is

leaked prematurely This could impede the process of bringing perpetrators to justice Worse still, detailed information about a crime can cause prejudice and

could potentially undermine the ability of the accused to receive fair

individuals

To summarize, for the aforementioned potential consequences, I would argue that the government should restrict media outlets from reporting on criminal cases in detail, especially sensitive ones