Evaluating english translation of the short story the general retires by nguyen huy thiep based on j houses model

VIETNAM NATIONAL UNIVERSITY, HANOI UNIVERSITY OF LANGUAGES AND INTERNATIONAL STUDIES FACULTY OF POST-GRADUATE STUDIES ***************** NGUYỄN THỊ NGỌC HÒA EVALUATING ENGLISH TRANSLATION OF THE SHORT STORY "THE GENERAL RETIRES" BY NGUYEN HUY THIEP BASED ON J.HOUSE'S MODEL (ĐÁNH GIÁ BẢN DỊCH VIỆT - ANH CỦA TRUYỆN NGẮN 'TƯỚNG VỀ HƯU" CỦA NGUYỄN HUY THIỆP DỰA TRÊN MƠ HÌNH CỦA J.HOUSE) MA MINOR THESIS Field: English Linguistics Code: 60220201 HANOI - 2014 VIETNAM NATIONAL UNIVERSITY, HANOI UNIVERSITY OF LANGUAGES AND INTERNATIONAL STUDIES FACULTY OF POST-GRADUATE STUDIES ****************** NGUYỄN THỊ NGỌC HÒA EVALUATING ENGLISH TRANSLATION OF THE SHORT STORY "THE GENERAL RETIRES" BY NGUYEN HUY THIEP BASED ON J.HOUSE'S MODEL (ĐÁNH GIÁ BẢN DỊCH VIỆT - ANH CỦA TRUYỆN NGẮN 'TƯỚNG VỀ HƯU" CỦA NGUYỄN HUY THIỆP DỰA TRÊN MƠ HÌNH CỦA J.HOUSE) MA MINOR THESIS Field: English Linguistics Code: 60220201 Supervisor: Assoc Prof Dr Lê Hùng Tiến HANOI - 2014 DECLARATION I hereby declare that this thesis, which is entitled Evaluating English translation of the short story "The General Retires" by Nguyen Huy Thiep based on J.House's model, has not been submitted as an exercise for a degree at this or any other university This work is the result of my own original research and, to the best of my knowledge and belief, contains no material previously published or written by another person, except where due reference has been made in the text Signature NGUYỄN THỊ NGỌC HÒA i ACKNOWLEDGEMENT Translation has always been my favorite subject, and I became truly interested in the issue of translation quality assessment since I registered and attended the course of Assoc.Prof.Dr Le Hung Tien on subject Translation Study From that time, I always bear in my mind the idea of doing my thesis on a topic in such field My very first and deepest thank goes to my Supervisor, Associate Professor Le Hung Tien for his encouragement, patience and profound knowledge Without his whole-hearted guidance, insightful comments and suggestions, this thesis would not have been possible I also would like to express my sincere thank for my beloved teachers in the course, Professor Hoang Van Van and Doctor Huynh Anh Tuan for their lectures that inspire me to the relevant knowledge of this thesis My special thank to Ms Ngo Thanh Thuy, who did not mind pouring rain or scorching sun to guide us throughout the course I highly appreciate advices and comments given by my classmates, Mr Trang and Ms Quynh, who are always willing to give me great help while I gather materials and conduct details of this thesis I am in debt to my family who does a great spiritual support by their simple but careful actions Despite of the fact that their supports are obviously indirect, they always possess the distinguish motivation source for the formation of my thesis ii ABSTRACT That translation literature has been put in the race for quantities and time triggers the need for an effective tool for assessing quality of translation This paper applies translation quality assessment model developed by House (1977) for evaluation of an English translation of a famous Vietnamese short story The study firstly emphasizes features and critical problems that translation literature has been facing Secondly, the original and the translation are both analyzed in accordance with House's model before they are put in comparison with each other for mismatches to be found Finally, these mismatches are employed to generalize quality of selected translation and to suggest some recommendations for quality improvement of the selected translation iii LIST OF ABBREVIATIONS SL: Source Language TL: Target Language ST: Source Language Text TT: Target Language Text iv LIST OF FIGURES AND CHARTS Figure 1.:A model for translation quality assessment by House (1977) Page 14 Figure 2.:A Scheme for Analyzing and Comparing Original and Translation Text in by House (1997) Page 17 Figure 3:Some instances of semantic translation of dominated verb bảo in TT Page 21 Chart 1:Statistical frequency of engaging in conversation of each interlocutor Page 27 v TABLE OF CONTENTS DECLARATION i ACKNOWLEDGEMENT ii ABSTRACT iii LIST OF ABBREVIATIONS iv LIST OF FIGURES AND CHARTS v PART A INTRODUCTION 1.Rationale 2.Significance of the study 3.Scope and objectives of the study 4.Research method 5.Structure of the study PART B DEVELOPMENT Chapter LITERATURE REVIEW 1.1 Literary translation 1.1.1 Typical features of literary translation 1.1.2 Problems of literary translation 1.2 Translation quality assessment 10 1.2.1 Researches in translation quality assessmen 10 1.2.2Julian House and A Model for Translation quality assessment 12 vi Chapter AN APPLICATION OF HOUSE’S MODEL INTO TRANSLATION QUALITY ASSESSMENT 18 1.1Source Language Text analysis 18 1.1.1 Source Language Text background 18 1.1.2 Analysis of Source Language Text in accordance with House’s mode 18 1.1.3 Statement of function 31 1.2 Source Language Text and Target Language Text comparision and statement of quality 33 1.2.1Source Language Text and Target Language Text comparision for mismatches 33 1.2.2 Statement of quality 38 PART C CONCLUSION 39 1.Recapitulation 39 2.Concluding remarks 40 3.Recommendations for quality improvement of the translation 40 REFERENCES 43 Appendix A Source Language Text: Vietnamese original I Appendix B Target Language Text: English translation .XXIV Appendix C A list of colloquial and cultural featured lexical items and English equivalences (Sorted A – Z LIX vii PART A INTRODUCTION Rationale: For a long time, literary translation has been discussed by people all around the world During current globalization, the growing trend against the dominance of a few languages emphasizes the role of this translation variant Vietnam literature is developing towards diversification, in which there is active presence of literary translation, which plays an important role in "importing" and "exporting" literature and culture Literary translation has been immigrating to the center of national literature and it cannot be denied that, with such movement, readers have been being given the change to enjoy quintessence and value of world literature At the same time, literary translation is the one which contributes much to the richness of knowledge in world culture Famous translators such as Trinh Lu, Tran Dinh Hien, Le Bau, Nguyen Bich Lan, Thuy Toan, Huu Viet are typical for their seriousness in translation of literary and were awarded by Vietnam Association of Literature However, not every translated work has been welcome with compliments or assessed specifically and appropriately There are cases, of which translations were done carelessly and hastily, resulted in contradictory reactions since wise readers and critics recognize mismatches between translation and original Meanwhile, it seems that in Vietnam, proper and serious attention paid to research and assessment in literary translation is somewhat limited The quality of translation thus has always been a critical issue because of the appearance of incidents where the translations were navigated too much from the original We have seen blooming of translated books with many translation supporting tools (software, dictionary, search engine, etc.), but the question of quality remains controversial, especially translations in specific fields As the result, there is a need for an effective and trustful tool, which can be used to evaluate the quality of such translations from a more scientific view 2/3 „Your mother was not buried at an auspicious time./ She will have „one change of grave, two funerals, one migration‟./ Does she have a magic charm to ward off demons?‟/ It was my father who answered: „Magic charms are monkey business./ In my life I‟ve buried 3,000 people and not one of them with a magic charm.‟/ Mr Bong said: „They had a happy end: „bang‟, one shot.‟/ He raised his index finger in the air and squeezed an imaginary trigger Ten LIV That New Year, my family neither bought any peach blossoms nor wrapped any rice cakes./ On the afternoon of the second 3/4 day, my father‟s old unit sent people to visit my mother‟s grave./ They made a gift of 500 dong./ Mr Chuong, a former deputy of my father‟s who had risen to the rank of General, went to the grave and lit incense./ Captain Thanh, his aide, drew his pistol and fired three shots into the air./ The children in the village would then spread the story that the army had fired a twenty-one gun salute on its visit to Madame Thuan‟s tomb./ Anyway, after he had paid his respects, Mr Chuong asked my father: „Would you like to come and visit your old unit?/ There‟ll be some maneuvres in May, and we‟ll send a car for you.‟/ „Good,‟ said my father, „I would like to come.‟ XLVII LV Mr Chuong visited my family‟s estate and was guided around by Mr Co./ „Your estate is really something: a garden full of trees, a pond full of fish, pig pens, and a chicken coup, a country house./ That certainly is reassuring for your retirement,‟Mr Chuong said to my father./ „My son did it all,‟ replied my father./ „Your son‟s wife did it all,‟ I said./ „What 5/6 about Miss Lai,‟ added my wife./ Miss Lai smiled with embarrassment and nodded her head repeatedly as though she was having a fit./ „Not so,‟ she said./ My father quipped: „Thanks to her, we have a model household with gardens, 8/9 ponds and pens.‟ XLVIII LVI On the third day, Kim Chi came in a pedicab to visit with her 4/5 7/8 10/11 child./ My wife gave her 1,000 dong for good luck in the New Year./ „Have you had any letters from Tuan?‟ inquired my father./ „No,‟ replied Kim Chi./ „It was all my fault,‟ he went on, „I didn‟t know you were pregnant.‟/ „What‟s so unusual about that?‟ said my wife./ „These days, virgins don‟t exist./ I work at the Maternity Hospital, I know.‟/ Kim Chi was embarrassed./ I cut in: „Don‟t talk like that./These days, it 12 really is difficult for a young girl to keep her virginity.‟/ Kim 13 Chi cried:‟ Oh, Thuan, it‟s so shameful for us women./ To give birth to a daughter tears me apart even more‟./ „I‟ve got two 14 daughters too,‟ said my wife./ „So you think there‟s no shame 15 in being a man, you?‟ I asked./ „Men who have a heart feel shame,‟ said my father./ „The bigger the heart, the bigger the 16 17 18 shame.‟/ „You all talk as though you‟ve gone crazy,‟ said my wife./ „That‟s enough./ Eat up./ Kim Chi is with us today./ I‟ve treated everyone to steamed chicken with lotus hearts./ That‟s what comes from my heart./ Eating comes before everything 19/20/21/ else.‟ 22 23 24 Eleven XLIX LVII Not far from our house there lives a young man named Con, whom the children called Confucius./ He worked for a fish sauce company./ But he also liked poetry and sent some of his 6/7 poems to the prestigious journal Literature and Art./ Con frequently came over to visit./ He said : „Surrealist poetry is the best.‟/ He read me some poems by Lorca and Whitman./ I didn‟t like Con and suspected that our friend visited for reasons that were more adventuresome than anything else./ One day, I noticed my wife had a handwritten manuscript on the bed./ „They‟re Con‟s poem,‟ she said./ „Do you want to have a look 9/10 11/12 at them?‟/ I shook my head./ „You‟ve getting old,‟said my wife./ An involuntary quiver flickered through my body 13 LVIII 1/2 One day I was busy at work and came home late./ My father met me at the gate and said: „Young Con has been over here since nightfall./ He and your wife have been giggling in there, and he still hasn‟t gone./ This is intolerable.‟ L LIX 1/2 „Go to bed, Father,‟ I said./ „What‟s the use of paying 3/4 attention?‟/ My father shook his head and went to his room./ I pushed my motor bike out on to the road and sped aimlessly around the streets until it ran out of petrol./ I pushed my bike to the corner of a park and sat down like a vagabond with nowhere to go./ A girl with a powdered face walked passed and said: „Hey, there, you want to come with me?‟/ I shook my head./ LX 1/2 Con avoided me./ Mr Co hated him and said to me one day: „Why don‟t you just go and give him a hiding?‟/ I almost nodded my head, but then thought, „Leave it.‟ LXI 1/2 I went to the library and borrowed a few books./ Reading Lorca and Whitman I had the vague feeling that great artists are the loneliest people./ Suddenly, I saw Con was right./ I was LXII 3/4 just furious at him for being so ill-bred./ Why didn‟t he give his poems to someone other than my wife to read? 1/2 My father said: „You are weak./ You put up with this because 3/4 you can‟t live alone.‟/ „No, it‟s not that./ Life is full of jokes,‟/ 'So you think life is a farce?' asked my father./ 'Not a farce,' I 5/6 said, „but it‟s not very serious either.‟/ „Why I feel as though I‟m lost?‟ my father muttered LI LXIII 2/3 5/6 My Institute decided to send me down to the south to some work./ I said to my wife: „It‟s OK if I go, isn‟t it?‟/ „No Don‟t go,‟ she answered./ „Will you fix the bathroom door tomorrow?‟ she then asked./ „It‟s broken./ The other day Mi was having a bath, and Con went through on some rotten pretext and scared her out of her wits./ I‟ve already barred the door to that vile fellow,‟ she explained, before bursting into tears./ „I really have failed you and the children,‟ she cried./ I couldn‟t bear it and went out./ If Vi had been there, she would 8/9 have asked me: „Hey, Father, they are crocodile tears, aren‟t 10 they?‟ Twelve LXIV 1/2 In May, my father‟s old unit sent a car to pick him up./ Captain Thanh carried a letter from General Chuong./ My father trembled as he opened it./ It read: „…we very much hope you can come … but only come if you are free, we won‟t press you.‟/ I thought my father shouldn‟t go, but it was an awkward moment to say anything./ But, holding the letter that day, he looked so young and sprightly./ I was happy too./ My wife prepared some food and clothes and said to put them into a travel-case./ My father said: 7/8 „Put them in my pack.‟ LII LXV My father went out and said goodbye to everyone in the village, then went out to my mother‟s grave and told Captain Thanh to fire three shots into the air./ That night he called Mr Co in to give him 2,000 dong and told him to have a tombstone engraved and sent back to Thanh Hoa to mark his wife‟s grave./ Next, my father called Miss Lai in and said: „Make sure you get married.‟/ Miss Lai burst into tears: „I‟m so ugly, nobody will marry me I‟m also simple.‟/ „My dear child, don‟t you understand that simplicity gives us the strength to live,‟ said my father, choked with emotion./ I didn‟t realize these words were an omen that he would not return from this trip LXVI Before he got into the car, my father took a small exercise book out of his pack and gave it to me./ „I‟ve written a few things in here,‟ he said, „take a look at them, my son.‟/ Mi and Vi said goodbye to their grandfather, Mi asked: „Are you going off to 4/5 battle, Grandfather?‟/ „Yes,‟ he answered./ Vi sang the first line of the song which went „The road that leads to battle is very beautiful this season‟, then added, „isn‟t it, Grandfather?‟/ „You cheecky girl!‟ my father scolded affectionately Thirteen LIII LXVII A few days after my father had left there was a hilarious incident at home./ It happened that Mr.Co and Mr Bong were cleaning the mud out of the pond (my wife paid Mr Bong 200 dong a day and provided him food), when they suddenly saw the bottom of a water-jar that had risen to the surface./ The two mendug eagerly, then found another water-jar./ Mr Bong was sure that people in the old days had used the jars to bury their 5/6 8/9 jewelry./ The two men told my wife./ Thuy went out and had a look and also waded into the pond./ Then Miss Lai, Mi and Vi followed her./ The whole family was covered in mud./ My wife had the pond partitioned off and hired a Kholer water pump to empty it./ The atmosphere was very serious./ Mr Bong was pleased with himself, „Since I saw it first, you‟ll have to divide 10/11 the booty up so that I get one jar.‟/ After digging eagerly for a day and turning up two cracked jars with nothing inside them, Mr Bong said: „There are sure to be more.‟ 12 LIV LXVIII 1/2/3 4/5 The digging went on./ Another jar was discovered./ It was also broken./ The whole household was exhausted./ With everyone starving, my wife ordered some bread so that they could regain their strength./ The digging continued, and, at a depth of almost ten metes they seized on a porcelain vase./ Everyone was overjoyed and thought that they had finally struck gold./ When they opened it, they found a string of rusted brone coins from the Bao Dai era and a pitted medal./ Mr Bong said: „That‟s enough, I‟m dead./ I remember now./ Many years ago, I robbed 10/11 12 Han Tin‟s house with that gangster, Nhan./ We were chased away and Nhan threw the vase into the pond.‟/ Everyone burst out laughing./ Nhan had been a notorious thief on the outskirts 13 of the city, and Han Tin had joined the French colonial army./ He had particpiated in an anti-German movement during the First World War known as the „southern, silver spitting 14 dragon campaign to expel the Germen rebels.‟/ Both of them had been dead for ages./ Mr Bong said: „It doesn‟t matter, even if this whole village dies, I‟ll still have enough ferry money to 15 stuff into their mouths.‟ 16 LXIX 2/3 The next morning, I heard someone calling at the gate as I woke up./ I went out and saw Con standing outside./ „The bastard,‟ I thought./ „There could be no worse omen for me LV than this vile lout.‟/ Con said: „Thuan, you have a telegram./Your father has died.‟ Fourteen LXX The telegram was from General Chuong: „Major-General Nguyen Thuan dided while on duty at on /He will be buried 2/3 at the War Cemetery at on ‟/ I was stunned./ My wife made all the arrangements very quickly./ I went out and hired a car and saw that everything was ready when I returned./ „Lock the house,‟ my wife said./ „Mr Co is staying behind.‟ LXXI We took the most direct route to Cao Bang along Route One./ But when we arrived, my father‟s funeral rites had been over for two hours LXXII 1/2 „We owe your family an apology,‟ said General Chuong./ „Not at all It was his destiny.‟ I replied./ „Your father was worthy of 6/7 great honours,‟ emphasized General Chuong./ „So you buried him with military honours, did you?‟ I asked./ „Yes,‟ he replied./ „Thank you, Sir,‟ I said./ General Chuong said: „When your father was on the battlefield, he was always where the fighting was.‟/ „I know that,‟ I said, „You don‟t have to tell me more.‟ LVI LXXIII 1/2 I cried like I had never cried before./ I now knew what it was like to cry for the death of a father./ It seemed to me that this was the biggest lament in the life of a human being LXXIV 2/3 My father‟s tomb was located in the war cemetery reserved for heroes./ My wife brought a camera and took some photos./ The next day, we took our leave, even though General Chuong wanted us to stay LXXV 1/2 On the way back, my wife told me to drive slowly./ For Mr Bong, it was his first car ride, and he liked it very much./ „Our country really is as pretty as a picture,‟ he said joyfully./ „Now I understand why we should love the country./ Back at home, even though we live near the capital, I don‟t feel there‟s anything at all to love.‟/ „That‟s because you know it,‟ said my wife./ „Elsewhere people are the same; they then love Hanoi.‟/ LXXVI „So around we go, turning like the figures on a magic lantern,‟ said Mr Bong./ „People here love it there, and people there love it here; put it all together and that‟s our country, our people./ The homeland forever! The people forever! Hurrah for magic lanterns!‟ Fifteen LVII LXXVII 1/2 Perhaps I should end my story here./ After my father‟s death, the life of the family returned to what it had been before he 3/4 retired./ My wife went about her work as usual./ I completed my electrolysis research./ Mr Co grew quieter, partly because Miss Lai‟s condition worsened./ In idle moments I read over the thoughts my father had noted in the exercise book he gave me before he departed./ I feel I understand him better LXXVIII What I have written down is an account of the disordered events that took place in our lives during the year or so my father was in retirement./ I regard these lines as the incense of incense sticks lit in remembrance of him./ If anyone has had the heart to read them, I beg your pardon LVIII APPENDIX C A list of colloquial and cultural featured lexical items and English equivalences (Sorted A - Z) Original Translation (Cho nó) Mát mặt To make his relatives feel happy that he remembered them (Kinh) Oh Ác thật (Compliment) Really something Ăn nói văng mạng Talk like daredevils Bán sold the whole Bánh trơi Dumplings Báu What value Bốc mộ Exhume sb‟s remains and rebury them in a new grave Cải mộ Moving sb‟s grave Cáo chết ba năm quay đầu Even after it‟s been dead three years „a fox looks núi back to the mountain‟ Cao tổng hợp Tiger balm Chết mục xác Has been dead for ages Chống gậy giật lùi trước quan Moved backwards in front of the coffin in tài theo tục lệ, cha đưa mẹ đón accordance with the proper custom Có chửa Were pregnant Con khỉ Monkey business Đại để Basically Đếch Can't LIX Original Translation Đi đò Take sb on a ferry Đít chum The bottom of a water-jar Đồ chó Like a dog Đồ đểu An oaf Đồ khốn nạn A scoundrel Đô tùy Coffin bearer Dối già As a joy in one's old age Hăm ba tết The 23rd, before the New Year Hẳn hoi  Hoa nhài cắm bãi cứt trâu A sprig of jasmine in field of buffalo shit Kết tốt đen Get a bad hand Khác máu lịng tobe of different flesh and blood Khơng đủ rửa ruột Not enough to touch the insides Liệm Prepared sb‟s body for the shroud Mang tiếng Tarnish your reputation Mẹ khỉ Bastard Mẹ mày Good heavens Mơ hình V.A.C A model household with gardens, ponds and pens Một nhập mộ, hai trùng „One change of grave, two funerals, one tang, thiên di migration‟ Một giọt máu đào ao Blood is thicker than water nước lã LX Original Translation Mừng tuổi Gave (her 1,000 dong) for good luck in the New Year Ngậm miệng ăn tiền You have to keep it in your mouth to eat Nghĩa tử nghĩa tận Fidelity to the dead is our first duty Nhà ngang Outbuiding Phường bát âm Traditional orchestra Tết mồng ba tháng ba The third day of the third month Tết nguyên đán New year‟s day Theo trai Left sb for some else Thôi chết That‟s enough, I‟m dead Tổ tôm, Tam cúc A pack of assorted playing cards Trai đinh Descendants Tục huyền Remarry Về thăm họ hàng làng xóm To visit his village to make his relatives feel cho mát mặt happy that he remembered them Xí xớn Somehow LXI ... A translation should read like a translation A translation should reflect the style of the original A translation should possess the style of the translation A translation should read as a contemporary... interpersonal component of the text‟s function This function is also marked on the Participation dimension through the use of personal and possessive pronouns in the text On the other hand, the presence... Meanwhile, the interspersion of overtly erroneous errors contributes to detraction of the ideational component of textual function by passing factual information Dominated in the translation is the