Essay mẫu hay đã chữa (5)

Ticket Id: 146411 Thursday, April 13, 2017 Prison is the common way in most countries to solve the problem of crime However, a more effective solution is to provide people with a better education Agree or disagree It widely acknowledged that the most popular punishment for law-breakers is prison sentence However, I totally agree with those who hold the view that education would be much better to deal with crimes On the one hand, there are some reasons why providing adequate education can help resolve the problem of crime Firstly, this measure may enhance the awareness of individuals towards the negative consequences of offending For example, local councils can send some policemen to schools to talk about crimes’ punishments and how to prevent them This will certainly make people scared of breaking the rules, helping reduce the problem of crime Secondly, a majority of ex-criminals tend to recommit offenses due to some reasons such as being unemployed This can be solved by proving them knowledge and skills to be able to earn their own money On the other hand, putting troublemakers in jail may bring several detrimental outcomes To begin with, when being together, prisoners may have more time to talk to each other and may plan to commit another offense after coming back to the community As a result, the crime rate will rise even when the government has been applying this type of punishment In addition, if we just force criminals to serve a prison sentence, they will be unlikely to change and thus continue to behave anti-socially For instance, a robber is likely to rob other people after his sentence is over, which is because he has not learned any good things in prison so he becomes the same person as he was again and again In conclusion, it seems to me that prison is not the best way to cope with crimes, and that it would be more effective to educate individuals to solve the issues Evaluation Report Word count Comments 293 The requirements of the task have been met; however, the incorrect expressions have marred the comprehensibility of the ideas at times Paragraphing is skillfully managed; however, incoherent structures are found in writing The range of vocabulary is adequate only, and there is a lot of scope for improvement in word © IELTS-Blog.com - All Rights Reserved ● Web: http://www.ielts-blog.com Ticket Id: 146411 Thursday, April 13, 2017 Estimated Band Score Suggestions Helpful links choice, word formation, and vocabulary Also, a mix of simple and complex structures is used, but, there is a lot of scope for improvement in grammar and structures too as some expressions are found to be incorrect 7.0 See the comments and corrections and make improvements in writing Your writing is good; however, you need to write with more clarity Revise grammar Learn more vocabulary and improve upon the formation of words and structures Always proofread the task response after finishing it Keep practicing to improve your performance Writing Correction Service - to order a correction click here IELTS preparation e-books - download a free trial here Sample essays, letters and reports - click here Learn vocabulary from this link http://www.scribd.com/doc/244244/Check-yourVocabulary-for-IELTS www.ielts-blog.com Note Please make sure to go over the detailed comments we marked for you in balloons on the right side of your task text If you can't see the balloons, please change your Word settings as follows: Click View -> Print Layout in the main menu © IELTS-Blog.com - All Rights Reserved ● Web: http://www.ielts-blog.com Ticket Id: 146411 Thursday, April 13, 2017 Click View->Markup in the main menu You should now see comments appearing in balloons on the right side: © IELTS-Blog.com - All Rights Reserved ● Web: http://www.ielts-blog.com ... to order a correction click here IELTS preparation e-books - download a free trial here Sample essays, letters and reports - click here Learn vocabulary from this link http://www.scribd.com/doc/244244/Check-yourVocabulary-for-IELTS