Essay mẫu hay đã chữa (6)

Ticket Id: 146511 Thursday, April 13, 2017 Nowadays, young people admire sports stars though they often not set a good example Do you think this is a positive or negative development? It is true that there are a significant number of youngsters who show their admiration towards sports stars In my perspective, this trend may bring various negative impacts on the development of these young people as those celebrities sometimes are not a good model to follow Firstly, as famous people earn lots of money, they usually waste their fortune for luxurious cars and jewelry The youth who admires these affluent individuals may follow this way of living, which harmfully influences their future For example, a poor university student who shows a great reference for Christina Ronaldo – on of the most famous football player on Earth, may imitate his idol who usually throws parties and wear expensive clothes As a result, instead of focusing on learning, the student just wants to go party and wear pricy clothes Secondly, some fans often get too crazy about their idols, which results in an increasing amount of anti-social behavior In other word, because these people show an overwhelm respect and admiration for ideal models, when other people such as their friends or even their parents say bad things relating to their admired kings and queens, they would instantly go crazy and react in an incredibly impolite way For example, a recent virtual clip posted on Facebook films a daughter who extremely admired Son Tung MPT – a famous singer in Vietnam, swearing and shouting at her parents because they did not allow her to attain the singer’s concert In conclusion, it seems to me that the trend of admiring rich and well-known would bring several negative effect on young people rather than positive ones Evaluation Report Word count Comments Estimated Band Score Suggestions 269 All parts of the task are covered The ideas have been presented coherently; it is evident that the writer progresses from one idea to another Paragraphing of the essay is fine However, there are several errors in grammar and word choice Overall, the essay can be improved further 6.5 Pay more attention to grammar © IELTS-Blog.com - All Rights Reserved ● Web: http://www.ielts-blog.com Ticket Id: 146511 Thursday, April 13, 2017 Improve choice of words Always proofread the task response after finishing it Keep practicing to improve your performance Writing Correction Service - to order a correction click here IELTS preparation e-books - download a free trial here Sample essays, letters and reports - click here Learn vocabulary from this link http://www.scribd.com/doc/244244/Check-yourVocabulary-for-IELTS Helpful links www.ielts-blog.com Note Please make sure to go over the detailed comments we marked for you in balloons on the right side of your task text If you can't see the balloons, please change your Word settings as follows: Click View -> Print Layout in the main menu Click View->Markup in the main menu © IELTS-Blog.com - All Rights Reserved ● Web: http://www.ielts-blog.com Ticket Id: 146511 Thursday, April 13, 2017 You should now see comments appearing in balloons on the right side: © IELTS-Blog.com - All Rights Reserved ● Web: http://www.ielts-blog.com ... to order a correction click here IELTS preparation e-books - download a free trial here Sample essays, letters and reports - click here Learn vocabulary from this link http://www.scribd.com/doc/244244/Check-yourVocabulary-for-IELTS