Com WRITING 2 VB2 LTBVY WEEK 8 11

Activity 2: Read the two paragraphs below carefully and then state which one has the unity.. Activity 4: Both of the following paragraphs break the rule of unity because they contain one

UNIT 5: UNITY AND COHERENCE

Lesson aims:

On completion of this unit, students can

 Know more about the requirements of a good paragraph

 Be able to produce a more effective piece of writing

 Know how to evaluate their peers’ writings in terms of unity and coherence

Lesson focuses:

 Unity

 Coherence

 Evaluating peers’ writings in terms of unity and coherence

Time allocation table: 8 periods

1 Unity

- Definition

- How to write a paragraph with unity

- Practice

1st to 3rd period

2 Coherence

- Definition

- How to achieve the coherence in a paragraph

- Practice

4th to 6th period

3 Peer feedback on unity and coherence 7th to 8th period

5.1 Unity ([1], pp.30-34 & [2], pp.12-14)

Activity 1: The following is an example of a paragraph with unity Examine each part of the paragraph carefully and then discuss what you think each part should/ must be like so as to help the paragraph achieve the unity

Topic sentence My friend, Macarena is

Supporting sentences

She often lets travellers stay in her home She has hosted many students temporarily She sends money to her family in Chile every month to help them with their bills She always brings flowers or food to her friends when they are sick or have a need

Concluding sentence Macarena is one of the most generous people I know

Activity 2: Read the two paragraphs below carefully and then state which one has the unity

Paragraph 1

The HIV/ AIDs epidemic is still growing explosively in most parts of the world In Central and Eastern Europe, HIV is spreading rapidly in countries that had almost no cases a few years ago In China, there were estimated to 10.000 HIV- infected persons at the end of 1993, and this total grew ten-fold to 100.000 by the end of 1995 In the

countries of sub-Sahara Africa, the HIV/ AIDS epidemic rages on In Kenya, Malawi, Rwanda, Uganda, Zambia, and Zimbabwe, 10 percent of the women visiting postnatal clinics in urban areas are infected with HIV, and in some areas, the rate is 40 percent Mothers can give the HIV virus to their children during pregnancy and childbirth or when breast-feeding The virus is also transmitted through blood and blood product For

example, drug users who share needles may become infected The main method of

transmission is, of course, unprotected sex, which accounts for 75 to 85 percent of

infections

Paragraph 2

The HIV/ AIDs epidemic is still growing explosively in most parts of the world In Central and Eastern Europe, HIV is spreading rapidly in countries that had almost no cases a few years ago In China, there were estimated to 10.000 HIV- infected persons at the end of 1993, and this total grew ten-fold to 100.000 by the end of 1995 In the

countries of sub-Sahara Africa, the HIV/ AIDS epidemic rages on In Kenya, Malawi, Rwanda, Uganda, Zambia, and Zimbabwe, 10 percent of the women visiting postnatal clinics in urban areas are infected with HIV, and in some areas, the rate is 40 percent Around the world, HIV infection rates are sky-rocketing among sex workers In Nairobi, Kenya, 80 percent of sex workers are infected, and in Vietnam, the rate of infection climbed from 9 percent to 38 percent between 1992 and 1995 These statistics illustrate with frightening clarity that The HIV/ AIDs is still a major health problem in most areas

of the world

Activity 3: For the paragraph without unity, say why it is not unified and find the evidence in the text to clarify your opinion

Activity 4: Both of the following paragraphs break the rule of unity because they contain one or more irrelevant sentences Read the paragraphs carefully and then

do the following tasks:

1 Underline the topic sentence of each paragraph

2 Find and cross out the irrelevant sentences

Paragraph 1

Adventure travel is the hot trend in the tourism industry Ordinary people are no longer content to spend their two weeks away from the office resting on a sunny beach in Hawaii More and more often, they are choosing to spend their vacations rafting down

wild rivers, hiking through steamy rain forests, climbing the world’s highest mountains,

or traversing slippery glaciers People of all ages are choosing educational tours for their vacations

- Traverse: pass, go across

Paragraph 2:

Daredevil sports are also becoming popular Young people especially are

increasingly willing to risk life and limb while mountain biking, backcountry

snowboarding, or high-speed skateboarding Soccer is also becoming popular in the United States, where it was not well known until recently One of the riskiest new sports

is sky surfing, in which people jump out of the airplanes with graphite boards attached to their feet Skysurfing rivals skydiving and bungee jumping for the amounts of thrills- and risk

- Daredevil: high risk

- Risk life and limb: take a chance of injury or death

- Rival: compete with

Activity 5: Write two supporting sentences and one concluding sentence for each of the following topic sentences

1 Computers are useful in many ways

2 There are certain characteristics that I always look for in a good restaurant

3 There are activities in a park for family members of all ages

4 There are many ways to show respect to older people

5 When you are going camping, there are some things you should always take with you

5.2 Coherence ([1], pp 40-53 & [2],

Activity 6: The following is a paragraph with coherence Examine it carefully and

do the tasks below:

1 State what the key noun in the paragraph is Give evidence for your opinion

2 Underline all the pronouns referring back to the key noun

3 Underline all the words/ phrases to link ideas in the paragraphs

4 Say in what kind of order the ideas are organized

Gold

Gold, a precious metal, is prized for two important characteristics First of all, gold has a lustrous beauty that is resistant to corrosion Therefore, it is suitable for jewelry, coins, and ornamental purposes Gold never needs to be polished and will remain

beautiful forever For example, a Macedonian coin remains as untarnished today as the day it was minted twenty-three centuries ago Another important characteristic of gold is its usefulness to industry and science For many years, it has been used in hundreds of industrial applications The most recent use of gold is in astronauts’ suits Astronauts wear gold-plated heat shields for protection outside spaceships In conclusions, gold is treasured not only for its beauty but also for its utility

Activity 7: In the following paragraphs, the key noun is never repeated Replace the pronoun with the key noun wherever you think doing so would make the

paragraphs more coherent

Dolphins

Dolphins are interesting because they display almost human behavior at times For example, they display the human emotions of joy and sadness During training, when they do something correctly, they squeal excitedly and race toward their trainer When they make a mistake; however, they drop noticeably and mope around their pool

Furthermore, they help each other when they are in trouble If one is sick, it sends out a message, and others in the area swim to help it They push it to the surface of the water so that it can breathe They stay with it for days or weeks- until it recovers or dies They have also helped trapped or lost whales navigate their ways safely out to the open sea They are so intelligent and helpful, in fact, that the U.S Navy is training them to become underwater bomb disposal experts

English

English has almost become an international language Except for Chinese more people speak it than any other language Spanish is the official language of more

countries in the world, but more countries have it as their official or unofficial second language More than 70 percent of the world’s mail is written in it It is the primary

language on the Internet In international business, it is used more than any other

language, and it is the language of airline pilots and air traffic controllers all over the world Moreover, although French used to be the language of diplomacy, it has displaced

it throughout the world Therefore, unless you plan to spend your life alone on a desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, it is a useful language to know

Activity 8: In the following paragraph, the pronouns are not consistent Correct them to make this paragraph more coherent

Olympic Athletes

Olympic athletes must be strong both physically and mentally First of all, if you hope to compete in an Olympic sport, you must be physically strong Furthermore,

aspiring Olympians must train rigorously for many years For the most demanding sports, they train several hours a day, five or six days a week, for ten or more years In addition

to being physically strong, he or she must also be mentally tough This means that you have to be totally dedicated to your sport, often giving up a normal school, family, and social life Being mentally strong also means that he or she must be able to withstand the intense pressure of international competition with its attendant media courage Finally, not everyone can win a medal, so they must possess the inner strength to live with defeat

- Aspiring: hopeful

- Rigorous: strict

Activity 9: Read the two paragraphs below Then tell which is more coherent and why Support your answer with evidence from the text

Paragraph 1

Another difference among the world’s seas and oceans is that the salinity varies in different climate zones The Baltic Sea in Northern Europe is only one-fourth as saline as the Red Sea in the Middle East There are reasons for this In warm climates, water evaporates rapidly The concentration of salt is greater The surrounding land is dry and does not contribute much fresh water to dilute the salty sea water In cold climate zones, water evaporates slowly The runoff created by melting snow adds a considerable amount

of fresh water to dilute the saline sea water

- Salinity: salt content

- Saline: salty

- Dilute: reduce the concentration of

Paragraph 2

Another difference among the world’s seas and oceans is that the salinity varies in different climate zones For example, the Baltic Sea in Northern Europe is only one-fourth as saline as the Red Sea in the Middle East There are reasons for this First of all,

in warm climates, water evaporates rapidly; therefore, the concentration of salt is greater Second, the surrounding land is dry and, consequently, does not contribute much fresh water to dilute the salty sea water In cold climate zones, on the other hand, water

evaporates slowly Furthermore, the runoff created by melting snow adds a considerable amount of fresh water to dilute the saline sea water

Activity 10: Read the paragraphs below Then state the way the paragraph is

organized

Paragraph 1:

My favorite restaurant is an old house It is very convenient because it is in my neighborhood We can drive, or if the evening is pleasant, we can walk It has a nice atmosphere and friendly service We know some of the waiters and waitresses so we enjoy talking to them because they ask us about our children We especially like the decorations The walls are soft yellow, and candles and fresh flowers are on the tables inside and outside Finally, the food is excellent The cook is the owner and he makes delicious dishes with fresh ingredients We always enjoy our meals

Paragraph 2:

My favorite restaurant is an old house My husband and I enjoy eating there on summer evenings We usually walk from our house so we can enjoy our neighbors’ gardens and get a little bit of exercise The afternoon sun shines through the trees but it is not too bright We arrive at dusk, and if we can sit outside The waiter brings a basket of warm bread and a cold drink We have an appetizer or a salad while the sun goes down Then the waiter lights the candles while we enjoy the main course By the time, we finish dessert, it is night time We walk home slowly, feeling full but happy in the moonlight



Exercise 1: Read the following topic sentences Put a check () next to each sentence below that supports the topic sentence

1 I am an organized person

a My desk is always neat and tidy

b I have a system for organizing my papers, and I can always find what I need

c I feel uncomfortable when I am in a strange environment

d My friends always want me to help them put their closets in order

2 Twenty questions is an easy game to play when you are travelling

a The person who is” it” must think of a person, place, or object

b Sometimes people travel by car, and sometimes by train or airplane

c It is very important to travel with people that you get along with

d The other players take turns asking questions that can only be answered with

“yes” or “no”

3 Tea and coffee are very different from each other

a Coffee has more caffeine than tea does

b Coffee and tea both have caffeine

c People enjoy tea and coffee during social occasions

d Tea is much more common around the world than coffee is

4 In my opinion, people spend too much money on cars

a Some drivers spend a fourth of their income for a car payment which is

unnecessary

b Cars do not increase in value, so they are not a great investment

c Car companies are always looking for ways to make vehicles safer on the road

d People who do not pay cash must also pay interest, so they lose even more money

5 It is easy to get a sports injury

a Many people enjoy sports

b Runners often have problems with their ankles and knees

c Baseball players can break their fingers or get knocked over by another player

d Many people make the simple mistake of joining a gym, and then they never

go there to exercise

Exercise 2: Read the paragraph you wrote in Unit 4 again and then evaluate it in terms of unity and coherence

Guiding questions:

- Is the paragraph unified? Why or why not? Give the evidence from the text

- If the paragraph does not have unity, what needs to be done for the improvement?

- Is the paragraph coherent? Why or why not?

HOME WORK

- If it is coherent, in what ways was the coherence achieved? Give evidence from the text

- If it is not coherent, what needs to be done for the improvement?

References:

[1]Oshima, A.&Hogue,A Writing Academic English.(3rded) Tre Publishing House 2003

[2]Savage.A.& Shafield, M Effective Academic Writing 1: The Paragraph Oxford

University Press 2007

UNIT 6: DESCRIPTIVE PARAGRAPHS

Lesson aims:

On completion of this unit, students can

 Be aware of the typical features of a descriptive paragraph

 Know how to organize ideas in a descriptive writing

 Be able to write a good description

Lesson focuses:

 Descriptive organization

 Typical language features

Time allocation table: 4 periods

6.1 Descriptive organization ([1], p.34)

Activity 1: Examine the following paragraphs and then identify the topic sentence, the supporting sentences and the concluding sentence in each one

Marie

Marie is as beautiful as any Hollywood starlet Her thick, wavy, long black hair gracefully falls down to her shoulders and surrounds exquisite, diamond-shaped face A golden suntan usually highlights her smooth, clear complexion Her lightly arched

chestnut brown eyebrows draw attention to her deep blue eyes, which remind me of a lake on a stormy day Her eyes are large, but not too large, with thick eyelashes Her nose

is straight and neither too neither long nor too short A small black mole on the left side

of her mouth adds to her beauty And her mouth! It is small mouth that looks delicate and feminine Her lips are rather thin, but not too thin; her light pink lipstick adds another touch of feminine beauty When she smiles, which is often, her well-formed and even, white teeth brighten up her whole face There is nothing but extraordinary beauty in the face of Marie

The Long Life of my Grandfather’s Car

I own a car that has special meaning for me because it belonged to my grandfather When he was a young man, he saved money so he could buy a beautiful car to use on

trips around the country He finally bought a Cadillac convertible It was white and blue with silver trim There were white circles on the tires, and it had a powerful horn that made people jump out of his way The seats were also white, but the dashboard was black The steering wheel had a brown leather cover The mats were gray and always clean My grandfather took very good care of the car, and after he died my uncle gave it

to me I am very happy because it still has the original motor, and the body is intact If it has problems, I will fix it myself I plan to take very good care of my grandfather’s car because someday I will use it to travel to all the states and cities that my grandfather visited when he was a young man

Activity 2: Read the paragraph again and then discuss the following questions:

1 What does the topic sentence of a descriptive writing state?

2 What are the supporting sentences about?

3 How is the paragraph ended?

Activity 3: Fill in the outline below with information from the paragraphs above If you do not find the information for a certain part of the outline from the paragraph, write “it is not mentioned” in the blanks of the outline

Topic sentence

- The item to be described:………

- The author’s general feeling/opinion about the item:………

Supporting sentences - Background information about the item ………

………

………

………

- Descriptive details about the item ………

………

………

………

- Details about the author’s feelings ………

………

………

………

Concluding sentence - Restated idea:………

6.2 Language features ([1], pp 39-45)

Activity 4: Examine the two descriptive paragraphs above again and then point out their common features involving the following points:

- The choice of language

- Parts of speech

- Verb tenses

6.2.1 Using specific language

Activity 5: Read the following pairs of sentences Circle the letter of the sentence that is more specific

1

a I like to wear my grandmother’s jewelry

b I like to wear my grandmother’s pearl necklace

2

a My best friend gave me a novel by Chang- Rae Lee for my birthday

b My best friend gave me a book for my birthday

3

a Someone lent her an umbrella

b Her father lent her an umbrella

4

a I inherited some furniture

b I inherited my grandmother’s chair

5

a Steve has a new laptop

b Steve has a new computer

6

a Jordan received a toy

b Jordan received a teddy bear

Activity 6: Rewrite the following sentences Replace the underlined words and phrases with words that are more specific

1 Maria found some jewelry in the basement

2 My mother gave me some money

3 I like my desk

4 My father enjoyed making things

5 My grandparents collected souvenirs

6 We always have vegetables for dinner

6.2.2 Using adjectives