Today, most expectant parents of twins see double on the ultrasound screen early in
pregnancy, making mad postpartum dashes to the store for a second set of everything rare. But even with seven or eight months’ notice, it may be impossible to prepare completely for the day when babies make four (or, if siblings are already on the scene, more). Knowing how to plan and what to expect can provide a greater sense of control over what may seem (at least initially) a fundamentally uncontrollable situation.
Be doubly prepared. Since double blessings often come early (full term for twins may be 37 weeks, rather than 40), it’s a good idea to start organizing for the babies’arrival well in advance. Try to have every childcare item in the house and ready for use before you go to the hospital. But while it makes sense to devote a lot of time to preparations, it doesn’t make sense to exhaust yourself (particularly if your practitioner has given you specific orders to take it easy). Get plenty of rest before the babies arrive—you can expect it to be a rare luxury once they do.
Double up. Do as much as possible for your babies in tandem. That means waking them at the same time so they can be fed together, putting them in the bath (once they’re able to sit)
together, walking them in the stroller together. Double burp them together across your lap, or with one on your lap and the other your shoulder. When you can’t double up, alternate. At an early age, daily baths aren’t necessary, so bathe one one night, the other the next. Or bathe them every second or third night and sponge in between. Putting them foot to foot in the same crib during the early weeks may help them sleep better—but ask your doctor first. Some experts warn that tandem sleeping can increase the SIDS risk once the twins are able to roll over.
Split up. The work, that is. When both parents are around, divide the household chores (cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping) and the babies (you take over one baby, your spouse the other). Be sure that you alternate babies so that both children get to know both parents well, and vice versa.
Try the double-breasted approach. Nursing twins can be physically challenging but eliminates fussing with dozens of bottles and endless ounces of formula. Nursing
simultaneously will save time and avoid a daily breastfeeding marathon. You can hold the babies, propped on pillows, in the football position with their feet behind you (see page 72), or, with one at each breast, their bodies crossed in front of you. Alternate the breast each baby gets at every feeding to avoid creating favorites (and to avoid mismatched breasts, should one baby turn out to be a more proficient sucker than the other, or one baby getting less to eat if one breast turns out to be a less productive provider). If you find it too difficult to breastfeed your twins exclusively, you can nurse one while you bottle feed the other—again alternating from feeding to feeding. To keep up both your energy and your milk supply, be sure to get super nutrition (including 400 to 500 extra calories per baby) and adequate rest.
Plan to have some extra hands on hand, if you’re bottle feeding. Bottle feeding twins requires either an extra set of hands or great ingenuity. If you find yourself with two babies and just two hands at feeding time, you can sit on a sofa between the babies with their feet toward the back and hold a bottle for each. Or hold them both in your arms with the bottles in bottle proppers raised to a comfortable height by pillows. You can also occasionally prop the bottle for one in a baby seat (but never lying down), while you feed the other the traditional way. Feeding them one after the other is another possibility, but that will significantly cut into the already tiny amount of time you’ll have for other activities. This procedure will also put the babies on somewhat different napping schedules if they sleep after eating, which can be good if you’d like some time alone with each, or bad if you depend on that tandem sleeping time to rest or get things done around the house.
Double the help. All new parents need help—you need it twice as much. Accept all the help you can get, from any willing source.
Double up on equipment. When you don’t have another pair of hands around to help, utilize such conveniences as baby carriers (you can use a large sling for two babies, use two slings, or tote one baby in a carrier and one in your arms), baby swings (some models can’t be used until a baby is six weeks old), and infant seats. A play yard is a safe playground for your twins as they get older, and because they’ll have each other for company, they will be willing to be relegated to it more often and for longer periods than a singleton would. Select a twin stroller to meet your needs (if you will be traversing narrow grocery aisles, for example, a back-to-front model will be more practical than a side-by-side one); you will probably find a baby carriage a waste of money. And don’t forget that you will need two car seats. Put both in the backseat of the car.
Keep twice as many records. Who took what at which feeding, who was bathed yesterday, who’s scheduled for today? Unless you keep a log (in a notebook posted on the nursery wall,
or on a blackboard), you’re sure to forget. Also make note in a permanent record book of immunizations, illnesses, and so on. Though most of the time, the babies will both get
everything that’s going around, occasionally only one will—and you may not remember which one.
Don’t split zzz’s. Sleep will necessarily be scarce for the first few months, but it will be scarcer if you allow your babies to waken at random during the night. Instead, when the first cries, wake the second and feed them both. Any time that both your little darlings are napping during the day, catch a few winks yourself—or at least put your feet up.
Go one-on-one. Though it won’t be easy (at least in the beginning), there are ways to find that special one-on-one time with each child during the day. When you’re better rested yourself, stagger naptime—put one child down 15 minutes before the other—so you can shower some individualized attention on the one who’s awake. Or take only one child on an errand and leave the other one with a sitter or your spouse. Join a playgroup or parent-and-me class and alternate which child you bring along each week. Even everyday baby chores, such as
diapering or dressing, can become special one-onone time for each child.
Double up on support. Other parents of twins will be your best source of advice and support;
be sure to tap them. Find a parents-of-twins support group in your neighborhood or, if one is lacking, start one. But avoid becoming too clannish, socializing with only the parents of twins and having your babies participate in twins-only play groups. Though there’s something
indisputably different about being a twin, excluding your children from relationships with singletons will discourage normal social development with peers—the majority of whom will not be twins.
Be doubly alert, once your twins are mobile. You’ll find, as your babies begin crawling and cruising, that what one of them doesn’t think of in the way of exploits, the other will. So they will need to be watched twice as carefully.
Expect things to get doubly better. The first four months with twins are the most
challenging. Once you begin to work out the many logistics, you’ll find yourself falling into an easier rhythm. Keep in mind, too, that twins are often each other’s best company—many have a way of keeping each other busy that parents of demanding singletons find enviable, and which will free you up more and more in the months and years to come.
CHANGING YOUR MIND ABOUT BREASTFEEDING
“I’ve been breastfeeding my son for three weeks, and I’m just not enjoying it. I’d like to switch to a bottle, but I feel so guilty.”
Beginning breastfeeding can be a frustrating series of trials and (plenty of) errors. As far as
enjoyment goes, it can be elusive on both sides of the breast in this early adjustment period. It’s very possible that your dissatisfaction with Breastfeeding is just the result of a bumpy start (which almost
always turns into a smooth ride by the middle of the second month). So it might make sense to hold off on your decision until your baby is six weeks old (or even two months), by which time he will have received many of the benefits of breastfeeding (though there are a lot of benefits to extended
breastfeeding, see page 268), and breastfeeding generally will have become much easier and more satisfying for both participants. Then, if you’re still not enjoying nursing, feel free—and free of remorse—to wean. Remember, if it doesn’t feel right for you and your baby, it probably isn’t. Trust your feelings and your instincts.
TOO MUCH FORMULA
“My baby loves his bottle. If it were up to him, he’d drink all day. How do I know when to give him more formula or when to stop?”
Because their intake is regulated both by their appetite and by an ingenious supply-and-demand
system, breastfed babies rarely get too much—or too little—of a good thing. Bottle-fed babies, whose intake is regulated instead by their parents, can. As long as your baby is healthy, happy, and gaining adequate weight, you know he’s getting enough formula. But he can be taking in more than he needs—
especially if his bottle becomes the liquid equivalent of an all-you-can eat buffet, continuously refilled by well meaning parents even after his appetite is satisfied.