The roads to communication with a baby are endless, and each parent travels some more than others. Here are some you may want to take, now or in the months ahead:
Do a running commentary. Don’t make a move, at least when you’re around your baby, without talking about it. Narrate the dressing process: “Now I’m putting on your diaper … here goes the T-shirt over your head … now I’m buttoning your overalls.” In the kitchen, describe the washing of the dishes, or the process of seasoning the pasta sauce. During the bath, explain about soap and rinsing, and that a shampoo makes the hair shiny and clean. It doesn’t matter that your baby hasn’t the slightest inkling of what you’re talking about. Blow- by-blow descriptions help get you talking and baby listening—thereby starting him or her on the path to understanding.
Ask a lot. Don’t wait until your baby starts having answers to start asking questions. Think of yourself as a reporter, your baby as an intriguing interviewee. The questions can be as varied as your day: “Would you like to wear the red pants or the green overalls?” “Isn’t the sky a beautiful blue today?” “Should I buy green beans or broccoli for dinner?” Pause for an
answer (one day your baby will surprise you with one), and then supply the answer yourself, out loud (“Broccoli? Good choice”).
Give baby a chance. Studies show that infants whose parents talk with them rather than at them learn to talk earlier. Give your baby a chance to get in a coo, a gurgle, or a giggle. In your running commentaries, be sure to leave some openings for baby’s comments.
Keep it simple—some of the time. Though right now your baby would probably derive listening pleasure from a dramatic recitation of the Gettysburg Address or an animated
assessment of the economy, as he or she gets a bit older, you’ll want to make it easier to pick out individual words. So at least part of the time, make a conscious effort to use simple
sentences and phrases: “See the light,” “Bye-bye,” “Baby’s fingers, baby’s toes,” and “Nice doggie.”
Put aside pronouns. It’s difficult for a baby to grasp that “I” or “me” or “you” can be mommy, or daddy, or grandma, or even baby—depending on who’s talking. So most of the time, refer to yourself as “mommy” or “daddy” (or “grandma”) and to your baby by name:
“Now Daddy is going to change Amanda’s diaper.”
Raise your pitch. Most babies prefer a high-pitched voice, which may be why women’s voices are usually naturally higher-pitched than men’s, and why most mothers’ (and fathers’) voices climb an octave or two when addressing their infants. Try raising your pitch when talking directly to your baby, and watch the reaction. (A few infants prefer a lower pitch;
experiment to see which appeals to yours.)
Bring on the baby talk … or not. If the silly stuff (“Who’s my little bunny-wunny?”) comes naturally to you, babble away in baby talk. If it doesn’t, feel free to skip it (see next page). If you’re big on baby talk, don’t forget to throw some correct, more adult English into your conversations with your infant, too, so that he or she won’t grow up thinking all words end with a y or ie.
Stick to the here and now. Though you can muse about almost anything to your baby, there won’t be any noticeable comprehension for a while. As comprehension does develop, you will want to stick more to what the baby can see or is experiencing at the moment. A young baby doesn’t have a memory for the past or a concept of the future.
Imitate. Babies love the flattery that comes with imitation. When baby coos, coo back; when he or she utters an “Ahh,” utter one, too. Imitation will quickly become a game that you’ll both enjoy, and which will set the foundation for baby’s imitating your language—it will also help build self-esteem (“What I say matters!”).
Set it to music. Don’t worry if you can’t carry a tune—little babies are notoriously
undiscriminating when it comes to music. They’ll love what you sing to them whether it’s a current hit, an old favorite from high school, or just some nonsense you’ve set to a familiar tune. If your sensibilities (or your neighbors’) prohibit a song, then singsong will do. Most nursery rhymes entrance even young infants (invest in an edition of Mother Goose if your
memory fails you). And accompanying hand gestures, if you know some or can make some up, double the delight. Your baby will quickly let you know which are favorites, and which you’ll be expected to sing over and over—and over—again.
Read aloud. Though at first the words will have no meaning to baby, it’s never too early to begin reading some simple rhyming stories or board books out loud. When you aren’t in the mood for baby talk and crave some adult-level stimulation, share your love of literature (or recipes or gossip or politics) with your little one by reading what you like to read, aloud.
Take your cues from baby. Incessant chatter and song can be tiresome for anyone, even an infant. When your baby becomes inattentive to your wordplay, closes or averts his or her eyes, becomes fussy or cranky, or otherwise indicates the verbal saturation point has been reached, give it a rest.
Following the two-syllable, one-consonant sounds (a-ga, a-ba, a-da) come singsong strings of consonants (da-da-dada-da-da) called “babble,” at six months on the average. By eight months, many babies can produce word-like double consonants (da-da, ma-ma, ha-ha), usually without associating any meaning with them until two or three months later. (To fathers’ delight and mothers’ dismay, dada generally comes before mama.) Mastery of all the consonants doesn’t come until much later, often not until four or five years of age—occasionally even later.
“Our baby doesn’t seem to make the same kind of cooing sounds that his older brother made at six weeks. Should we be concerned?”
Some normal babies develop language skills earlier than average, some later. About 10 percent of babies start cooing before the end of the first month and another 10 percent don’t start until nearly three months, the rest somewhere in between. Some start with strings of consonants before the 4ẵ- month mark; others don’t string consonants until past 8 months. The early verbalizers may end up very strong in language skills (though the evidence isn’t that clear); those who lag far behind, in the lowest 10 percent, may have a physical or developmental problem, but this isn’t clear either. Certainly, it’s too early to be concerned that this might be the case with your baby, since he’s still well within the norm.
If it seems to you over the next several months that your baby consistently, in spite of your
encouragement, falls far below the monthly milestones in each chapter, speak to his doctor about your concerns. A hearing evaluation or other tests may be in order. It may turn out that you are so busy that you aren’t really noticing your baby’s vocal achievements (this sometimes happens with second children)—or that everyone else in the household (including his older brother) is making so much noise he can’t get a coo in edgewise. In the less likely case that there actually is a problem, early intervention is often able to remedy it.
BABY TALK
“Other parents seem to know how to talk to their babies. But I don’t know what to say to my six- week-old, and when I try, I feel like an absolute idiot. I’m afraid that my inhibitions will slow
down his language development.”
They’re tiny. They’re passive. They can’t talk back. And, yet, for many novice mothers and fathers, newborn babies are the most intimidating audience they’ll ever face. The undignified, high-pitched baby talk that seems to come naturally to other parents eludes them, leaving them tonguetied—and feeling guilty over the awkward silence that envelops the nursery.
Though your baby will learn your language even if you never learn his, his speech will develop faster and better if you make a conscious effort at early communication. Babies who aren’t
communicated with at all suffer not just in language development but in all areas of growth. But that rarely happens. Even the parent who is bashful about baby talk communicates with his or her baby all day long—while cuddling him, responding to his crying, singing him a lullaby, saying, “It’s time for a walk,” or muttering, “Oh, not the phone again.” Parents teach language when they talk to each other as well as when they talk to their baby; babies pick up almost as much from secondhand dialogue as they do when they’re part of a conversation.
So although it’s not likely that your baby is going to spend the next year in the company of a silent parent, there are ways to expand your baby-word power, even if you’re the kind of adult to whom baby talk doesn’t come naturally. The trick is to start practicing in private, so the embarrassment of gurgling and babbling to your baby in front of other adults won’t cramp your conversation style. If you don’t know where to begin, use the tips on the previous page as a guideline. As you grow more
comfortable with baby talk, you’ll likely find yourself slipping into it unawares, even in the company of adults (“Doesn’t that risotto look yummy-yummy for the tum-tummy?”).
A SECOND LANGUAGE
“My wife is French, and she wants to speak French to our baby exclusively; I speak English. I think it would be wonderful for our daughter to speak a second language, but wouldn’t it be confusing at this age?”
Because fluency in another language isn’t necessary to function and succeed in most parts of our country (as it is elsewhere), Americans are sadly lagging behind the rest of the world in the ability to converse in anything other than their own native tongue. It’s generally agreed that teaching a child a second language gives her an invaluable skill, and may help her to think in different ways, possibly even improving her future academic performance in other areas. If the language is one that her forebears spoke or some of her relatives speak, it also gives her a significant link with her roots.
There is less agreement on just when to introduce the second language, however. Most experts suggest beginning as soon as a baby is born so that the second language is “acquired” along with the first, not “learned,” as it would be when introduced later. Others believe that this puts the child at a disadvantage in both languages—though probably for only a short time. They generally recommend waiting until a child is two and a half or three before putting on the Berlitz. By this time she usually has a pretty good grasp of English but is still able to pick up a new language easily and naturally.