Now that your baby is ready for more entertainment than you alone can provide, joining a play group will offer the added stimulation he or she craves. But the benefits of a play group aren’t just for baby. In fact, you probably have more to gain from joining up than baby does.
Advantages of a play group include:
Adult conversation. Your child’s babbles may be the sweetest sounds to your ears, but if you’re like most parents, especially stay-at-home ones, chances are you also long for a little adult dialogue. Meeting regularly with other parents will provide you with the opportunity to speak and be spoken to in full sentences.
Entertainment for baby. While it’s still too early in your child’s social career to expect him or her to play in a group situation, by the end of the first year, most babies become more capable of some type of meaningful interaction with their peers—usually in the form of
parallel play (playing side by side). There’s also plenty of entertainment value for baby in just watching other babies at play—and if the play group is at someone else’s house, trying out new and exciting toys.
Establish friendships. And that goes for both of you. If the play group is a success, your baby may have a chance to pal around with the same children on a regular basis for years. The friendships forged at a play group may continue in the form of play dates long after school and other commitments start interfering with regular meetings of the original group. And if the play group is a neighborhood one, many of the same children may end up in your baby’s future classes—a familiarity that can breed comfort on that first day of school. As for you, the opportunity to create a whole new network of like-minded friends may be especially welcome, particularly if your old network hasn’t entered the baby phase of life yet.
Resources and referrals. Whether you’re in the market for a new pediatrician or are
wondering when and how to wean, chances are someone in the play group will have advice or a recommendation.
Support from those who know. Meeting regularly with other parents can remind you that you’re not the only one who has a) a baby who won’t sleep b) no time for romance with your spouse c) career frustrations d) a breeding farm for dust bunnies in your living room or e) all the above.
There are many ways to find a play group to join. Ask around; or look for flyers promoting them in neighborhood stores, your local library, community center, house of worship, hospital, or doctor’s office, or check out the local parents’ paper.
If you (and a group of friends) would rather start fresh with a play group of your own, you’ll have a number of things to consider first, including:
What will the age range of children be? They don’t all have to be exactly the same age, but at this point a spread of a few months is better than a spread of a year or more. This will ensure that they’ll be able to play with the same toys and relate on somewhat the same level.
How often will the play group meet—weekly, twice a week, every other week?
What time and day are most convenient for you and the other parents? Once you pick a schedule, try to hold to it as much as possible. Consistency is an important ingredient in a
successful play group. Avoiding nap time and typically cranky times (such as late afternoon) is also wise.
Where will the play group meet? In one person’s home or rotating from home to home? At a local park or community center? Rotating the location keeps things exciting for the baby group members while sharing the responsibilities that come with hosting the group equally among all the grownup group members. It also means that the children will have a chance to play with plenty of different toys. Shifting the location to a playground or park when the weather is favorable (or to a community center or museum when it isn’t) will provide a nice change of pace for everyone involved.
How many participants will there be? Will there be a limit on the number of parents and babies who can attend? Too many parents and babies (say fifteen babies) can make a play group extremely tumultuous; too few (just two or three babies) may provide too little stimulation. (Keep in mind that not every member will show up at every play group meeting, thanks to colds, doctor’s appointments, and other scheduling conflicts.) Will there be refreshments? Will the host parent be solely responsible for providing a
snack? If there are children with food allergies in the group, will those be respected? Will there be rules restricting sugary foods and drinks, or will the snack choice be up to the discretion of the host?
Will the play group offer structured parent-child activities, or will it be a playtime for children and social time for adults? Keep in mind that parents may have to spend a great deal of time serving as referees and peacekeepers until the children are old enough (think at least three or four) to play nicely on a consistent basis.
Will there be guidelines about discipline and behavior expectations? You’ll probably want to specify that parents are responsible for monitoring the behavior of their own offspring only.
Once you’ve defined the parameters of the play group, promoting your play group is the next step. Pass the word around to friends and neighbors, post flyers, advertise in your
community newspaper or parents’ paper, approach other parents in your local playground.
Once you have a few interested parents, you’re ready to play (you can always add more members later).
Along with all the fun, there are some potential risks to joining or starting a play group.
For one, seeing other babies your child’s age every week could lead you to worry
unnecessarily about how he or she is developing relative to other children. (The solution:
Remember—and repeat this often to yourself—that the range of what’s normal is very wide when it comes to a baby’s physical, verbal, and social development.) Another is the
likelihood that your child will share at least as many germs as toys with other play group members. (This is just an inevitable result of group activities in early childhood, nothing to be concerned about, and is actually likely to result in fewer colds later on in life. But it will help somewhat to put a “sick babies stay home” statute in the group bylaws.) Another potential risk
is that you might unwittingly put social pressure on your child. Play groups should be fun, not stressful. If your child wants to participate, that’s great. If not, that’s fine, too.
Keep in mind, also, that while joining or starting a play group can offer many benefits, it’s by no means a requirement of the early years. Your baby may enjoy playing with other babies but certainly doesn’t need to. If both of you get plenty of stimulation without a play group, or if you work and can’t find time in your schedule for one, or you dislike structured group experiences and would prefer impromptu get-togethers with other parents and children, don’t feel obligated to play along with the play group concept.
BLINKING
“For the last couple of weeks, my daughter has been blinking a lot. She doesn’t seem to be in any discomfort, and she doesn’t seem to have trouble seeing, but I can’t help worrying that there’s something wrong with her eyes.”
It’s probably more likely that there’s something right with her curiosity. She knows what the world looks like through open eyes, but what if she closes her eyes partially, or if she opens and shuts them quickly? The results of her experimentation may be so intriguing that she may keep the “blinking” up until the novelty wears off. (When she gets older, somewhere around age two, she will probably try similar experiments with her ears, putting her fingers in them or covering them with her hands to see what happens to sound.)
Of course, if your baby seems to have difficulty recognizing people and objects, or if blinking or squinting seem to be triggered by a sensitivity to normal (not uncomfortably bright) daylight, check with the doctor right away. Otherwise, if the blinking habit hasn’t run its course by the time your baby goes for her next checkup, mention it to the practitioner.
Squinting is another temporary habit that some babies cultivate, also for the change of scenery.
Again, it shouldn’t concern you unless it’s accompanied by other symptoms or is persistent—in which case, check with her doctor.
BREATH HOLDING
“Recently my baby has started holding his breath during crying spells. Today he held it so long he actually passed out. Could this be dangerous?”
Invariably, it’s the parents who suffer most when a child holds his breath. While the adult witnessing the ordeal is likely to remain shaky for hours, even a baby who turns blue and passes out during a breath-holding session recovers quickly and completely, as automatic respiratory mechanisms click into place and breathing resumes.
Breath-holding spells are usually precipitated by anger, frustration, or pain. The crying, instead of letting up, becomes more and more hysterical; baby begins to hyperventilate, then finally stops
breathing. In mild events, the lips turn blue. In more severe instances, baby turns blue all over and then loses consciousness. While he’s unconscious, his body may stiffen or even twitch. The episode is usually over in less than a minute—long before any brain damage can occur.
About one in five infants holds his breath at one time or another. Some have only occasional episodes, others may have one or two a day. Breath holding tends to run in families and is most
common between six months and four years, though it can occasionally begin earlier or continue later.
Breath holding can usually be distinguished from epilepsy (they are in no way related) by the fact that it is preceded by crying and the fact that baby turns blue and loses consciousness before stiffening or twitching. In epilepsy, there is usually no precipitating factor, and the child doesn’t ordinarily turn blue before a seizure.
No treatment is necessary for a child who has passed out from breath holding. And though there’s no sure cure for the condition—other than the passing of years—it is possible to head off some of the temper tantrums that can result in a breath-holding episode:
Be sure your baby gets enough rest. A baby who is overtired or overstimulated is more susceptible than a well-rested one.
Choose your battles. Too many nos can lead to too much frustration for baby.
Try to calm baby before hysteria sets in, using music, toys, or other distractions (but not food, which will create another bad habit).
Try to reduce the tension around baby—yours and everyone else’s—if this is at all possible.
Respond calmly to breath-holding spells; your anxiety can make them worse.
Don’t cave in after a spell. If your baby knows he can get what he wants by holding his breath, he will repeat the behavior frequently, especially as he becomes a more manipulative toddler.
Some research has shown that breath-holding spells sometimes stop when a child begins receiving an iron supplement; check with the doctor to see if this might be a good treatment option for your baby.
If your baby’s breath-holding spells are severe, last more than a minute, are unrelated to crying, are not related to pain or frustration, or have you worried for any other reason, discuss them with his doctor as soon as possible.
STARTING CLASSES
“I see so many advertisements for classes for babies that I feel as if I’m depriving my baby if I don’t enroll her in at least one.”
With thirteen years of school ahead of your child (as many as seventeen if you count those nursery years, much more than that if you’re talking college), there’s really no need to rush into enrollment.
Especially when you consider that babies learn best not through instruction (especially formal
instruction) but through experience: the kind of experience they get when they have plenty of time and opportunity to explore the world their way, with just a little help from their adult friends. In fact, being expected to learn a certain way, at a certain time, at a certain place, or at a certain pace can dampen a child’s natural enthusiasm for learning—and for the new experiences that ultimately will help her learn the most. Too many structured activities and classes too early can also lead to burnout by the time a child actually begins formal schooling.
Certainly, your baby doesn’t need to be taking art or music or swimming classes at her age—and won’t be left “behind” if she’s the only baby on the block who doesn’t. (In fact, she may actually be the baby on the block who ends up enjoying these activities most, simply because she wasn’t pushed into participating in them so early on in life.) But while classes aren’t necessary for babies, there can be benefits—for both of you—to joining some baby group activities. After all, it’s nice for your child to play near other children—she probably isn’t yet ready to play with them—and to spend time with and get to know other adults. It’s even nicer for you to have a chance to talk to other parents, sharing common concerns and experiences and picking up some new ideas for playing with your child.
There are some ways for you to reap group benefits for your baby without the potential pitfalls of premature matriculation:
Take her to a local playground. Even if she isn’t walking, she will enjoy the baby swings, small slides, and the sandbox—and she will especially enjoy watching other children.
Start or join a play group. If you don’t know other parents with babies your daughter’s age, post recruitment notices in the pediatrician’s office, in a local parents’ paper, at your house of worship, even in the supermarket. Play groups, which usually meet weekly in homes or at playgrounds, are often very informal and provide an ideal introduction to group activities (see box, page 444).
Enroll her in an informal baby exercise, music, art, or movement class, observing the guidelines on page 306. Just remember, in any class your baby or toddler is involved in, fun—not learning—
should be the operative word.
SHOES FOR WALKING
“Our baby has just taken her first steps. What kind of shoes does she need now?”
The best shoes for a new walker are no shoes. Experts agree that the feet, like hands, develop best when they are bare, not covered and confined; walking barefoot helps build arches and strengthen ankles. And just as your baby’s hands don’t need gloves in warm weather, her feet don’t need shoes indoors and on safe surfaces outdoors, except when it’s cold. Even walking on uneven surfaces, such as sand, is good for her feet since it makes the muscles work harder.
But for safety and sanitation (you wouldn’t want her to step on broken glass or in dog droppings), as well as appearance, your baby will need shoes for most excursions, as well as for special
occasions (what’s a party dress without Mary Janes or a tiny sailor suit without spiffy saddles?).
Choose shoes that are closest to no shoes at all by looking for the following:
Flexible soles. Shoes that bend fairly easily when the toe is bent up will interfere least with the foot’s natural motion. Your best bet is to look for leather or rubber soles that bend easily. Many doctors recommend sneakers for their flexibility, but some maintain that traditional first-walker shoes are even more flexible and babies are therefore less likely to fall in them. Ask your baby’s doctor for a recommendation, and test those available at your local store before making your selection.
Low cut. Though high-top shoes may stay put better than low ones, most experts believe they are too confining and interfere with ankle movement. They certainly shouldn’t be used to prop up a baby who is not yet ready to walk.
Porous and flexible uppers. To stay healthy, feet need to breathe and to get plenty of exercise. They breathe best, and have the most freedom of movement, in shoes of leather, cloth, or canvas. Plastic or imitation leather is usually stifling and sometimes stiff, and tends to cause the feet to sweat
excessively. Avoid “running” shoes with wide bands of rubber around them, since they can also increase sweating. If you purchase rain shoes or boots that are made of plastic or rubber for your baby, use them only when needed, and take them off as soon as she is indoors.
Flat, nonskid bottoms with no heels. A beginning walker has enough difficulty maintaining her balance without having to contend with slippery soles. Rubber or composition soles, particularly when they are grooved, usually provide a less slippery surface than leather, unless it is scored or grooved. If an otherwise appropriate pair of shoes is too slippery, rough up the soles a bit with sandpaper or a few strips of adhesive tape.
Firm counters. The back of the shoe (above the heel) should be firm, not flimsy. It’s best if the top edge is padded or bound and the back seam smooth, with no irregularities that could cause irritation to the back of your baby’s heel.
Roomy fit. Shoes are better too large than too small, but of course “just right” is the best fit of all.
Though shoes can’t provide as much foot freedom as going bare, too-tight shoes provide no freedom at all. If the shoes are to be worn with thick socks, be sure to bring a pair along when trying them on.
Have feet measured, and test new shoes (both of them) for size when the baby is standing with her full weight on her feet. The top of the shoe shouldn’t gap open while she’s standing (though it’s okay if it does when she walks), nor should her heels slip up and down with each step. To check the width, try to pinch the shoe at its widest point. If you can grasp a tiny bit of it between your fingers, the width is fine; if you can pinch a good piece of shoe, it’s too wide; and if you can pinch none at all, it’s too narrow. To check the length, press your thumb down between your baby’s toes and the end of the shoe. If there’s a thumb’s width (or about half an inch), the length is right. The back of the shoe should be snug but not tight. If baby’s heel slips out easily, the shoe is too big; if the shoe pinches the heel, the shoe is too small. Once you’ve purchased a pair of shoes for your baby, check the fit every few weeks, since babies outgrow shoes quickly, sometimes within six weeks, often within three months.
When that distance at the toe shrinks to less than half a thumb’s width, start to think about new shoes.
Reddened areas on baby’s toes or feet when shoes are removed are also a sign of poor fit.
Standard shapes. Unusual styles—such as cowboy boots or pointy-toed party shoes—may make a fashion statement, but they can also distort the foot as it grows. Look instead for a shoe with a broad instep and toe and a flat-as-a-pancake heel.
Durability is not a requirement in children’s shoes because they are (all too rapidly) outgrown.
Because of the high price of children’s shoes and their brief life span with each child, the temptation is great to pass shoes on to younger siblings—but resist. Shoes mold to the shape of the wearer’s foot, and wearing shoes molded by someone else is not good for little feet. Make an exception only for those shoes (such as dress-up shoes) that have no more than light wear, have held their shape, and aren’t run down at the heel area.
A good shoe is only as good as the sock in it. Socks, like shoes, should fit well and be of a material (such as cotton) that allows feet to breathe. Socks that are too tight can cramp foot growth;
those that are too long can wrinkle and cause irritations or blisters, though neatly folding up the tip of