Thái độ ứng xử gia đình, xã hội được thể hiện trong thành ngữ, tục ngữ của người việt

Through surveying reliable linguistic data of idioms and proverbs, the thesis relatively presents systematically and particularly the content of Vietnamese behavior in familial and soci

Thái độ ứng xử gia đình, xã hội được thể hiện trong thành ngữ, tục ngữ của người Việt Familial and social behavior expressed in Vietnamese’s idioms and proverbs

Abstract Through surveying reliable linguistic data of idioms and proverbs, the

thesis relatively presents systematically and particularly the content of Vietnamese behavior in familial and social relationships in idioms and proverbs Initially, the thesis raises outstanding features of Vietnamese behavior as well as determines their attitude of praising or criticizing towards detailed ways of behavior Bu doing this, the thesis adds real information about behavioral conception of Vietnamese people which is recorded and reflected in selected ancient linguistic data It is indispensable information for researching Vietnamese culture which the thesis achieves With detail and particular appendix, the thesis provides linguistic data source of idioms and proverbs with the content of Vietnamese behavior in familial and social relationships for people who are interested in learning or researching

Keywords Thái độ ứng xử; Văn hóa dân gian; Thành ngữ; Tục ngữ

Content

INTRODUCTION

1 Rationale and aims of thesis

Being a social phenomenon, language functions as the most important tool of human communicating Simultaneously, it implements function of reflecting - function as a tool of human thought The knowledge, experiences and perception of people about the physical and spiritual world of humanity are all preserved in language in the form of concepts, contents "contained" in the words

Since ancient times, folk knowledge is mainly handed down by word of mouth method Thus, the lessons and behavioral experiences in life were stored, summarized in the idioms, proverbs, folk songs,… the elements of folk literature Therefore, in order to find out the behavioral traditional way of Vietnamese (this conception is considered as Viet people or Kinh people) in the family and society, doing research the source of linguistic data from folk literature proves more effective and predominant compared with the source of other written ones Moreover, folk literature, including idioms and proverbs is precious literary treasure which has overcome challenges of time to become an important element in the national cultural heritage Especially, through the art of using words, proverbs have summarized people's intellect, reflecting the diversified relationships in society as well as the way of

behavior showing national spirit and moral standards For this reason, research Vietnamese familial and social behavior expressed in folk literature does contribute to seeking the national cultural identity, thinking and lifestyle

For years, researching treasure of Vietnamese idioms and proverbs, the authors focused only

on mining and unraveling the varied contents that are reflected with the characteristics of the structure, prosody of proverbs Problems of behaving and handling the relationships between man and nature, man and society, man and themselves expressed in folk literature have recently attracted the interest in further research of scholars However, in researches of familial and social relationships expressed in proverbs and folk songs, by reading the relevant documents, we found that they mainly clarified reflection of particular relationships without highlighting Vietnamese behavior in those relationships Therefore, in this thesis, through studying linguistic data of idioms and proverbs, we will go deep into clarifying the Vietnamese behavior in particular relationships and, simultaneously, will indicate assessments and direct or indirect attitude of praising or criticizing of folk to behavior mentioned

According to the policies and guidelines of the Party and State, Vietnam is in the process of building an advanced culture imbued with national identity Along with the momentum of integration, acquirement the quintessence of world-wide culture, it is extremely critical to look back, to preserve fine traditional culture of the nation So researching behavioral culture of the Vietnamese people to find cultural inherence for practical national development is urgently necessary

2 History os issue

Recently, the issue of "behavioral culture" has been much interested in Vietnam In perspectives of sociology, culture or psychology, there are researches on this topic For examples: “Behavioral culture of the ethnics in Vietnam” written by author Pham Vu Dung [16]; “Behavioral culture of Hanoi people with the natural environment” written by author Nguyen Viet Chuc [45]; “Discuss the behavioral culture of Vietnamese people” written by author Nguyen Tat Thinh [53]; “Behavioral psychology” written by author Le Thi Bung[5]… Depending on the requirements of each specialty, the authors have studied the behavioral culture from the different perspectives of approach and because of being a different major compared with those, we do not mention them in our study We only preliminarily point the main contents of some research in which authors more or less exploited this subject through the resource of folk literature, especially idiom and proverb as elements of folk literature:

Tran Thi Thuy Anh, the author of the study: “Traditional social behavior of the Vietnamese people in Northern delta” [1] “tried to build a model of traditional social behavior of the Vietnamese people in Northern delta … with spiritual values, including: friendliness – tolerance – simplicity – happiness …” The new thing we find in this research

is that the author used a research method of region- splitting, or research method of

“Cultural geography” The writer divided into sub-regions in the northern delta; however, she did not explicitly make mention of characteristics of behavior in each region, only paid attention to aspects of material culture Using folk songs, proverbs as "tools" (the word used

by the author), but sources of folk songs, proverbs are actually few Main approach of this study leans toward history and culturology …

With research: “Behavioral culture of women through Vietnamese folk song treasure” [17], the author Pham Vu Dung emphasized some of the contents, outstanding qualities of Vietnam and Vietnamese people: “Those are patriotism, diligence, sense of community and national solidarity, harmony, moderation; consistency, being easy to amalgamate without conservatism; creativity and acumen; being full of affection, appreciation of benevolence and righteousness; living and behaving based on affection; tolerance and harmony …” [17, p 39]

With research: “Proverbs, folk songs about familial relationships” [34], the author Pham Viet Long indicated that there are four basic familial relationships in proverbs They are relationships of: husband-wife, parents -children, siblings, daughter in-law and son in-law – family In which, the husband-wife relationship is reflected the most compared with other relationships “On the overview of the Vietnamese familial relationships, except the tensional relationship between the daughter in law and mother in law, other ones are reflected with warm look, highlighting cohesion, harmony and responsibility which are considered as criteria to build cozy and sustainable family Thanks to this, the main flow of familial proverbs has created the sonority of humanitarianism encouraging love and attachment among people.” [34, p 111]

With research: “Reflection of familial and social relationships in proverbs, folk songs” [3], the author Do Thi Bay pointed out the Vietnamese familial relationships reflected in proverbs including the relationships of: grandparents - grandchildren, parents - children; husband - wife; siblings; mother in law - daughter in law, parents in law – son in law, stepmother – stepchildren, stepfather - stepchildren; relatives: uncles, aunts The social relationships include the ones of: teacher-student; friends; compatriots; owners - employees; kings and mandarins - masses Overall, this study comprehensively reflected Vietnamese familial and social relationships; However, because of such largeness the author has not carefully analyze to show dominant relationships as well as behavioral characteristics of Vietnamese people have not been clearly focused

3 Objectives and scope of thesis

The main objective of this thesis is behavior in the family and society of Vietnamese people

We take idioms, proverbs as research materials to find out how Vietnamese people behave

in relationships; this is different from taking these elements of folk literature as the objective

of thesis Therefore, in this study, we will not explore the art of expressions of idioms and proverbs

It can be said that behavioral culture is related to many fields such as: culture studies, psychology, sociology, economics, education and history… in direct or indirect form However, in this thesis, we try to approach the subject based on exploiting treasure of idioms and proverbs of the Vietnamese people, localized with the treasure of idioms and proverbs of other ethnic groups; which means traditional behavioral culture of the Vietnamses people recorded in these two elements of folk literature

Contents of behavioral culture are determined according to system of interactions between people and the natural environment, people and the others, people and themselves Accordingly, generally, it is considered in detail systems: behaving towards natural; behaving in the family (husband - wife, parents - children, among siblings, among relatives) and behaving in society (among friends, teachers - students, among neighbors .), which mean the behavioral relationships among members of community; behaving towards self (the conception of human life) However, in this thesis, we only consider the way of behavior between members in the community of Viet people Thus, two main research objectives and scope corresponding to two chapters of this thesis are: behavior of Vietnamese pople in familial relationships and behavior of Vietnamese people in social relationships

Linguistics data used in the thesis are collected from "Dictionary of Vietnamese Idioms” included 728 pages written by the authors Nguyen Nhu Y, Nguyen Van Khang, Phan Xuan Thanh [61]; “Treasure of Vietnamese proverbs” written by the authors Nguyen Xuan Kinh (chief editor), Nguyen Thuy Loan, Phan Lan Huong, Nguyen Luan [30] with 8194 units of proverb These are two relatively abundant and comprehensive data source compiled according to a scientific, modern method being convenient for lookup However, in this linguistics data source there are units which are not completely proverbs or idioms, but because of respecting for the actual collection of the authors, we accept without comment, exclusion

4 Research tasks

We define the first task of research in this thesis is survey idioms, proverbs recorded in reliable sources After that, we collects idioms, proverbs expressed Vietnamese behavior in the family and society Then, we analysis to find out that in which correlation these behaviors are expressed, how behavior among people is described and how the folk assess and show attitude of praising or criticizing to the behavior mentioned

After collecting linguistic data, deriving from them, we go to classify, describe, analyze and give comments Manipulation of verification through a few quantities is also implemented

6 Contribution of the thesis

We hope that this thesis will achieve some results as follows:

6.1 The thesis presents relatively particularly and systematically contents of Vietnamese familial and social behavior reflected in idioms, proverbs

6.2 Initially, the thesis shows prominent features in Vietnamese way of behavior recorded in idiom and proverb, since then, it contributes to research, identify their characteristics of thinking, lifestyle and affection

7 Organization of the thesis

Besides the introduction, conclusion, references, appendix the thesis is divided into three chapters

Chapter 1: Some basic theoretical issues of the thesis

Chapter 2: Vietnamese behavior in familial relationships through idioms and proverbs Chapter 3: Vietnamese behavior in social relationships through idioms and proverbs

CHAPTER 1: SOME BASIC THEORETICAL ISSUES OF THE THESIS

1.1 The relationship between language and culture

Language is the objective of linguistics discipline, and culture is the one of culture studies However, considering the relationship between the two these concepts, it seems there is no equality between them

Firstly, language and culture are products of man with their labor and thinking; that is the human phenomenon E.D Sapir – Professor of linguistics at Yale University raised: Language is a cultural product, is not a biological function [6, p 51] Language is a cultural phenomenon, a part of the culture Culture has wide denotation while language has more confined denotation but wider connotation According to Nguyen Van Chien [6, p 51], the relationship between language and culture is the one of containing each other; there are difficulties, intersection and similarity between them

However, according to Professor Nguyen Lai, with language contained by cultural category,

it is only a formal arrangement; there is an issue hidden in it in the more depth It is that the formation of language is the multiple premise of the formation of culture So, at many levels, language is the premise for the development of cultural objects And the development of culture continues to provide conditions to the language development

Language and culture harmonize with each other to develop on the principle of inheriting tradition; so, they contain themselves many of the most unique features of ethnic community’s nuances

Unlike any other cultural phenomenon, language is a peculiar cultural phenomenon because language is not only a cultural product but also a mean of recording other cultural phenomena In addition to this, language in which cultural phenomena are reserved in a long time is a tool to show cultural characteristics of the community

1.2 The concepts of “behavior” and “cultural behavior”

1.2.1 The concept of “behavior”

In our opinion, human behavior is not only confined to the selective response towards communication partner to find out the best communication results, but it also includes all actions, attitude of the man towards natural and social environment and himself trough detail relationships Human behavior contains individual or social knowledge, thinking, psychology and feelings; in addition to this, most of behavior is symbolization

1.2.2 Concept of “Behavioral culture”

We agree with the concept of behavioral culture written by Nguyen Thi Hong Thu in doctoral thesis of Literature: “Japanese proverbs of behavioral culture (in comparison with Vietnamese proverbs)” [55]: “Behavioral culture is human’s manner of behavior towards their habitat (natural and social environment) and themselves It carries national features, inheritability, humanity, transforming complicatedly through time” [55, p 38]

1.3 Proverb and idiom

1.3.1 Concepts of proverb and idiom

1.3.1.1 Concept of proverb

So far, in the world as well as in Vietnam, there are many definitions of proverbs, but no one

of them is considered standard to be able to apply in researching all aspects of proverbs

In spite of giving the concepts of proverb being not entirely the same, the authors all paid attention to the "structural stability", "sustainable form" of proverb In our opinion, the definition given by author Nguyen Duc Dan in "morality in proverb" is the most appropriate

of all: “Proverb is a series of statements with structural stability, reflecting the knowledge, the experience, the conception (of folk) of a nationality of objective world, nature as well as society.” [10, p 58]

1.3.1.2 Concept of idiom

We agree with the author Hoang Van Hanh in “Vietnamese idioms” raised definition as follows: “Idiom is kind of fixed word combination with stability of form - structure, complete and polished meaning, being widely used in daily communication, especially in oral language.” [24, p 27]

1.3.1.3 Distinction between proverb and idiom

It can be seen that, so far, there are two conceptions raised to distinguish idiom from proverb; one based on content and the other based on function However, considering two couples of “concept – judgment” (of the first conception) and of “naming – announcing” (of the other conception), we can see that couple “concept – judgment” is contained by couple

“naming – announcing” Because concept is used to name and judgment is a form of announcing The authors acknowledge the intersection between idiom and proverb, according to above quotations, intersection part is significantly large According to the author Trieu Nguyen: “Confusion between idiom and proverb, in fact, has been considered

as an obviousness, even no one assesses it as a mistake (This is expressed through collection and compilation of idioms and proverbs so far, even that the confusedness of later ones is more serious than the confusedness of previous published ones.” [41, p 45]

From the opinions of authors, we claim that it is possible to distinguish idiom from proverb

on both respects of content and form as follows: Formally, idiom and proverb are both available units; idiom is phrases or lexical units while proverb is sentences, clauses or short text, being not verbal units Regarding the content, the content of idiom is equivalent to conception of objects, properties or processes while the content proverb is judgments, conclusions or experiences of the folk

1.3.2 Proverb and idiom in the relationships with folklore and folk literature

Folklore consisting of the cultural materials of the pre-modern societies with a pure agriculture but without script is popularized and preserved by word of mouth through non-institutional and traditional channels of communication

Folk literature is a part of both national literature and folklore As a component of the folklore, folk literature is also one of the factors of intangible culture Some its respects are close to philosophy, chronicle, folk beliefs, folk customs, and customary laws of traditional communities These genres of intangible culture have attachment and mutual relationship, affect each other and interlock spontaneously; even it is sometimes difficult to separate Proverb is a genre of folk literature In it, we can find out the recognition of folk knowledge and experience in labor, production, behavior, customs, habits, beliefs or performing activities

In classification of the folk literature into genres, the researchers do not arrange idiom as the one It is a special type of linguistic unit in a national language Hiding behind the cover of a communication language, idiom contains a large amount of living experience, ways of treatment and behavior, folk conceptions Because of this reason, it is easy to find out performing activities, ways of speaking, conceptions of the folk It is customs, traditional beliefs which is preserved in the treasure of idiom It is a mean to popularize culture of nationalities

If dividing Folklore into three components: Linguistic Folklore; Plastic Folklore and Performing Folklore, it is proverb and idiom which are genres occupying a large quantity of linguistic Folklore With other genres, they play an important and main role in spreading Vietnamese folklore

1.3.3 Reflecting content proverb and idiom

1.3.3.1 Reflecting content of proverb

 Proverb reflects production experiences

 Proverb records historical and social events and phenomena

a/ A few memories, historical phenomena of nation

b/ Proverb of Viet people mainly reflects the characteristics of familial and social activities, material and spiritual activities in the feudality

Firstly: The habits and customs, "the postulates" in people's lives

Secondly: The activities of Vietnamese rural life in feudality

Thirdly: Reflecting family organization and kinship relations of people in feudal society Fourthly: Reflecting the lives of employees and the social relations in feudal society

 Proverb shows folk philosophy

a/ Proverb displays spirit of humanism, the humanity of working people This is expressed, firstly, through conception of people

b/ Proverbs represents pride, praising of prosperous country, talented people with distinctive features

c/ Many proverbs represent the spirit of struggle, criticism, condemnation of working people

d/ Proverb reflects abundant qualities of working people, traditional thought and morality of people through the comments, profound contemplations of reality

e/ Proverb reflects experiences of people in real life, however many proverb units show the spontaneous materialistic awareness

1.3.3.2 Reflecting content of idiom

In fact, there was no certain research raising reflection content of idiom as clearly and particularly as raising one of proverb The reason is that function of naming objects, facts, process, function of expressing concepts of idiom are different from function of showing judgments about certain situation or state of proverb

The value of each idiom is equivalent to the one of a word, so it is impossible to observe as well as describe completely the contents of idiom This is extremely difficult and

complicated work Therefore, the classification idioms based on content respect is able to conduct in the same way of grouping words according to meaning or different criteria In this thesis, we use Vietnamese idioms with the content of reflecting behavior in family and society as research data, in which, it is cultural behavior of Viet people reflected

1.3.4 Role of proverb and idiom in preservation folk knowledge and experiences

Folk literature by word of mouth with proverb, folk songs, fairy tales… has appeared in many societies before people found handwriting Thus, elements of folk literature are important literary documents of many nationalities in the world including Viet nationality

In ancient Vietnamese society, the quantity of people with literacy to express ideals, feelings in handwriting (demotic script or Han script) is very modest The majority of the population composed and stored linguistic works in the oral form; so, oral folk literature is extremely abundant and important in Vietnamese literature

Firstly, idiom and proverb are treasures containing knowledge and experiences of folk about nature and society Not only raising ways of naming objects, phenomena through

a part of lexical units – idiom, but the folk also presented judgments based on experiences and direct observations Thus, to approach treasure of folk knowledge and experiences, exploiting linguistic data of proverb is effective work

In the research “Towards the establishment vocabulary of Viet culture” [6], the author Nguyen Van Chien gave concept of “sign of culture key-word” It is a basic lexical unit in treasure of culture key-word in a language; being a linguistic morphology showing concepts and recording cultural features of a nationality And of course, they include thought, experiences, knowledge of the folk about nature, society, behavior manners between people with nature, society and themselves

Sub-conclusion:

In conclusion, in chapter one, we discussed several concepts such as: behavior, behavioral culture; concepts of proverb, idiom and distinction between them Around these concepts, many researchers raised not the same opinions

In this thesis, we agree with conceptions: human behavior is very abundant and diversified, including all reactions and attitude towards natural and social environment, towards themselves Behavioral culture contains all behavioral manners of human, carrying national features, inheritability, humanity, transforming complicatedly through time

Regarding to concept of proverb, we agree with author Nguyen Duc Dan, with conception: Proverb is a series of statements with structural stability, reflecting the knowledge, the experience, the conception (of folk) of a nationality of objective world, nature as well as society While, idioms are fixed phrases with complete structure and meaning Their meanings are iconic and suggestive After that, we believe that it is possible

to distinguish idiom and proverb in both respects of content and form as above

We also recognize that idiom and proverb are genres occupying a large quantity in linguistic folklore, playing an important role in preservation and popularization folklore of Viet people, in particular, knowledge and living experiences of the folk

Those theories are used as bases to survey and analyze linguistic data in next chapters

CHAPTER 2: VIETNAMESE BEHAVIOR IN FAMILIAL RELATIONSHIPS

THROUGH IDIOMS AND PROVERBS

2.1 Familial relationships of Vietnamese

Because Vietnamese family and kinship relations are extremely complicated and being not researched much, in this thesis, we only mention behavior in nuclear family and a part of extended family Particularly, they are main relationships as follows: Wife – husband; Parents – children; Sisters and brothers; Relative relationships with uncles and aunts

2.2 General characteristics of Vietnamese family

One of the roots for forming and locating family of Viet people is traditional mode of production – wet rice cultivation in the form of self-sufficiency As a result this, it can be seen that the most typical feature of Viet people’s family is pure agriculture

The second characteristic is the small family structure by male blood According to researchers, with overview and popularization, we can see that structurally, the form of Viet people’s family is mainly nuclear family with male blood and the father as the head of the family

However, a special feature of Vietnamese family by male blood is relatively high status of women

In terms of aspect of community and social structure, Vietnamese family is the smallest community unit at grassroots level It is the unit which preserves and maintains the best all traditional values and identity of Viet nationality on almost respects of production, economics, religion, belief, behavioral culture, …

2.3 Behavior in basic familial relationships of Vietnamese people

2.3.1 Relationship between wife and husband

2.3.1.1 Generalization of relationship between wife and husband

Through 223 units of idiom and proverb surveyed, we found 196 units (88%) reflecting folk’s comments and assessments of features of spouse relationship; 14 units expressing the content of spouse in the relationship with two family sides (6%); 13 units referring to spouse

in the relationship with village (6%) Regarding general wife and husband relationship, the strong attachment between them (in 36 units) and relying on each other (in 36 units) are reflected the most It is considered as the main, primary characteristic represented firstly in idiom and proverb In which, the content of relying on husband of wife is more abundant than the one of relying on wife of man Husband frequently, mainly depends on wife for running household effectively, stabilizing orderly life, for contributing to his success, while, wife primarily depends on her man for material field, for enjoining honor and wealth from his achievement as well as position in society In terms of the content of spouse in the relationship with two family sides, meanwhile a woman values her husband and husband’s family more than her family, a man can separate from his wife but cannot do that to his parents and siblings To a woman, her family maybe benefits from her husband’s achievement while to a man with face, he does not accept dependence on maternal family Therefore, it is easy to see that in Vietnamese family, the man play the role of a firm support carrying a life with full material for his wife and children while the woman protects family happiness and looking after her husband, children and paternal family with all her heart 2.3.1.2 Behavior in conjugal relationship

Regarding to general behavior in wife and husband relationship, by surveying linguistic data, we found that there are two trends: positive and negative trend as follows:

Firstly: Positive behavior

“Chồng giận thì vợ bớt lời, cơm sôi nhỏ lửa một đời không khê”; “Chồng giận thì vợ làm lành” If husband makes tense, wife have to be gently and soft: “Chồng tới vợ lui, chồng hòa

vợ thuận”; “Chồng tới vợ phải lui” In case of that husband uses violence to wife, it is wise

of her to avoid his thrashing: “Trai khôn tránh khỏi đòn quan, gái khôn tránh khỏi đòn chồng”

b/ Behavior of faithfulness, affection and gratitude

Faithfulness behavior is required of both wife and husband (2 units): “Đói no một vợ một chồng”; “Đổi quần đổi áo thời hay, đổi chồng đổi vợ xưa nay chẳng lành” However, this behavior is mainly raised for wife to her husband (6 units) To specify, women always accept all vices or defects of their men Ex: “Ngu si cũng thể chồng ta, giẫu rằng khôn khéo cũng ra chồng người” And they determine not to get married twice: “Gái chính chuyên chẳng lấy hai chồng” In case of husband’s death, the woman is faithful, doing worship, feeding children: “Ghe bầu chở lái về đông, làm thân con gái thờ chồng nuôi con”

c/ Behavior of respect and honor protection for each other

Mutual respect between spouses is also a fine behavioral aspect mentioned by folk: “ Tương kính như tân" Inseparable attachment of spouse relationship is also evidently expressed in the behavior protection of life partner’s honor as of his own honor For this result, the folk recorded that: “Xấu chàng hổ ai" ; “Xấu thiếp hổ chàng" Wife or husband is shamed or embarrassed by dint of misbehavior or bad attitude of the life partner Particularly, for the wife, respectful and courteous attitude to husband is considered essential in her behavior:

“Con ông đô đốc, quận công, lấy chồng cũng phải gọi chồng bằng anh”

d/ Behavior of educating

It can be said that the folk praises action and manner of mutual education of husband and wife: “Gái ngoan giết chó khuyên chồng, giai khôn mài dao dạy vợ” With the later, her behavior is gentle and soft but with the former, his one towards his wife is conducted more strongly and decisively Husband’s behavior of educating to wife is mentioned clearly in five other units of proverb with praising implication: Ex “Vợ con dạy ở trong cửa trong nhà” For men, giving education to wife is not only giving advice or admonition but it is also teaching

e/ Behavior of loving and sacrificing

We record only one unit of proverb mentioning husband’s love to wife: “Chồng yêu cái tóc nên dài, cái duyên nên đẹp, cái tài nên khôn”, meanwhile, there are seventeen units of both idiom and proverb – the overwhelming quantity with the content of love and sacrificing awareness of wife to husband

Wife look husband after and pampers him (6 units): Vd “Nâng khăn sửa túi” Additionally, their endurance and patience are indispensable in order to protect family life: “Có con phải khổ vì con, có chồng phải ngậm bồ hòn đắng cay” Because of their husband, make light of hardship, volunteering to take on familial difficulties, even social work (5 units): “Có chồng gánh giang sơn nhà chồng”; “Thương chồng nên phải gắng công, nào ai xương sắt, da đồng chi đây” One other notable feature of behavior of wife to her husband recorded is generosity and tolerance (2 units): Vd “Thương chồng phải bồng con ghẻ”

Secondly: Negative behavior

a/ Behavior of traitorousness without affection and gratitude

Firstly, that is behavior of living with together because of money, not affection and gratitude, which is reflected in 14 units (occupying approximate 30%, the most quantity of the one of negative behaviors) In which, traitorousness behavior is criticized the most: Ex

“Chồng ăn chả, vợ ăn nem” However, with this behavior committed by wife toward her husband, we found in 6 units: Ex “Ngồi buồn rứt ruột thở dài, nhớ chồng thì ít nhớ trai thì nhiều”; “Chồng chết chưa héo cỏ đã bỏ đi lấy chồng

b/ Behavior of belittlement to each other

Behavior of belittlement in spouse relationship is firstly showed through mutual disparagement, so the folk give warnings: “Trai chê vợ mất của tay không, gái chê chồng một đồng trả bốn”; “Trai chê vợ như của đổ xuống sông, gái chê chồng của một mà hai” To man, folk criticize his disparagement attitude toward his wife: “Coi vợ già như chó nằm nhà gác”

c/ Non-standard behavior

Vietnamese people appropriate behavior with moderation, so that the immoderate attitude in conjugal relationship is reprehensible Husband and wife do not make mutual concessions,

no one accept to be less competitive than the other, which leads to behavior on their own initiative (6 units): Ex “Chồng đánh bạc, vợ đánh bài” Husband respects his wife without moderation: “Nhất vợ nhì giời” There is a critical implication for husband’s behavior of excessive dignifying his wife This is considered as non-standard behavior of man Wife takes advantage love and good-nature of husband to display excesses without respect:

“Chồng yêu xỏ chân lỗ mũi” She courts fondling and pampering from husband: “Chồng rẫy thì lơ chơ, chồng chờ thì lỏng chỏng” In the case of being done violence to by husband, the wife displaying the fact to public (“vạch áo cho người xem lưng”) will be criticized: “Chồng đánh chồng mắng ra ngõ mà gào”

d/ Bad behavior in handling conflict and friction

Friction is easy to understand in all relationships Discord and conflict of husband and wife:

“Muối chẳng ưa, dưa chẳng lành”; “Vợ chồng như mặt trăng, mặt trời” inevitably lead to argument and quarrel This behavior is in a advice of the folk: “Vợ chồng chớ cãi nhau hoài, sao cho trong ấm thì ngoài mới êm” Not only by making quarrel, but the conjugal tension and conflict sometimes are also solved by incidents, violence, even cruel treatments: “Gái giết chồng, đàn ông ai giết vợ” In addition to using violence to resolve conflicts, the couple separate from each other, leading to broken family: “Cơm chẳng lành, canh chẳng ngon, chín đụn mười con cũng lìa”

e/ Behavior of browbeating and oppressing

In this negative behavior, wife’s attitude is mainly only “bắt nạt” (a kind of bullying behavior) husband: Ex “Làm gì những thói đưa đong, gái bắt nạt chồng em chẳng có ngoan” To husband, out of home, he may does bad a deed, but, at home he still gives his airs or finding faults of wife and children: “Đi cúi mặt xuống đất, về cất mặt lên trời”; or fabricating, browbeating, oppressing his wife: “Quan nói hiếp, chồng có nghiệp nói thừa” f/ Other negative behavior

Some other negative behaviors showed primarily by wife to husband also recorded as follows:

Wife takes advantage husband: “Lấy chồng ăn những của chồng, ăn hết con mắt khoét lòng con ngươi”; or destroying the achievements her husband gained: “Chồng vo tròn, vợ bóp bẹp” Additionally, wife is dishonest with husband: “Chồng ra khỏi cửa nồi ba, chồng ở nhà niêu mốt”; in spite of anger with husband, the wife vents her spleen upon children: “Giận chồng mắng con”

Thus, it is seen that the quantities of units of idiom and proverb reflecting positive and negative behavior in conjugal relationship are quite similar (48 units compared with 49 units) In which, positive behavior praised firstly and the most is wife’s sacrifice to husband (17 units) and harmony, faithful behavior to each other Regarding to negative behavior, mutual traitorousness without affection and gratitude reflected in 16 units is criticized firstly, followed by unreasonable and immoderate behavior leading to disagreement in family Generally, in Vietnamese family, faithfulness and harmony is first behavior of both husband and wife to ensure a happy family Particularly, to Vietnamese women, sacrifice to husband becomes a noble quality honored by society

Content of husband’s behavior to wife occupies the quantity of 14 units while the content of wife’s behavior to husband gains overwhelming number of 59 units with 34 units referring

to positive, praiseworthy behavior and 25 units mentioning negative, reprehensible one Obviously, the content of woman’s behavior to her husband is more abundant and paid attention on many respects This results from patriarchal regime, in which, women always are putted within judgment, demands of their husbands, husband's families and society Positive behavior of wife to husband is reflected more than negative one, with the most behavior manner of loving, looking after and sacrifice to husband This contrasts to the most primary behavior of husband to his wife being browbeating and oppressing Additionally,

awareness of being faithful to wife is not mentioned in man’s behavior while this is referred

to in woman’s behavior through 9 units of proverbs One more time, a Vietnamese familial feature with patriarchy, polygamy and strict demand on woman’s chastity is focused However, on other respect, wife has ability of regulating contradictions in the family through skillful and wise behavior manner based on husband’s situations This is a way to create a balance in conjugal relationship, to protect family happiness with the role enhanced

of women Disparagement to husband and flirtation are the most reprehensible behaviors of women because they are contrary to moral standards that patriarchal society set for them But, overall, the most outstanding behavior of Vietnamese women is love, sacrifice and faithfulness to her husband

2.3.2 Relationship between parents and their children

2.3.2.1 The role of parents towards their children

Parents play an extremely important role towards their children Parents give birth and raise children; they and their life affect children profoundly Not only impacting on the formation

of children’s personality, but familial tradition, education and parents’ behavior also contribute to create mercy and good future or adverse consequences called karma or retribution in Buddhist language for next generations Parents are the ideal people for children to rely

2.3.2.2 The role of children towards their parents

Children are considered as an essential part of marriage, especially for women To them who own motherhood, children are indispensable, even having children or not is a factor defining their happiness or unhappiness Children are people who parents rely on and count on, especially at the old age Children are greatest assets of the parent; however, children are also parents' burden

Therefore, through surveying and finding out 115 units of idiom and proverb reflecting this content, we see that parents – children relationship is mainly affirmed as strong attachment

by profound love (reflected in 16 units, occupying 14%) In which, the role of parents towards their children is giving birth, raising and providing advantage conditions for children’s development (39 units, occupying 34%) and having negative or positive impact

on their children by their quality, morality and behavior (35 units, occupying 31%) Children are both people for parents to rely on and burden for them, depending on children’s quality and morality But, it can be affirmed that children are the greatest achievement of parents, being considered more than property and as one of the factors determining marriage happiness, especially for women

2.3.2.3 Behavior in relationship between parents – children

Not regarding to families with stepparents and stepchildren, we can see that in normal Vietnamese families, the relationship between parents and children includes the relationship between parents – offspring and the one between parents – daughters in law, sons in law Firstly: Behavior in the relationship between parents and offspring

Overall, this relationship reflected is good with most of positive and praiseworthy behavior However, negative behavior exists and we specify as follows:

 Positive behavior

a/ Behavior of loving and sacrificing to each other

The quantity of units of idiom and proverb reflecting love and sacrifice of parents to their offspring is over six time more than the one expressing the same content but in the opposite direction (offspring to their parents) (51 units compared with 8 units) Additionally, parents’ love and sacrifice to offspring is showed on more diversified aspects For parents, in any case, they still give their offspring unconditional love, never harm children: “ Con vua tốt vua dấu, con tôi xấu tôi yêu”; “Chém con đằng sống, không ai chém con đằng lưỡi” They also permanently expect the good for their children: “Cha muốn cho con hay, thầy muốn cho trò khá”, always worrying about them in all circumstances: “Con tài lo láo lo kiêu, con ngu

thì lại lo sao kịp người” There are 14 units of proverb representing that parents give children’s life their care, sacrifice and best things: Ex “Chăm như chăm con mọn”; “Chỗ ướt mẹ nằm, ráo xê con lại”

Children also give love and sacrifice to parents, though in terms of this behavior, the parents give children more by many times Children never belittles poor parents but considering parents’ poverty as a part of their life: “Con chẳng chê bố mẹ khó, chó chẳng chê chủ nghèo” They always have a sense of pampering and taking care of parents at old age: “Phụ mẫu còn bất khả viễn du” Children make concessions, shoulder all hardship even debt for father: “Cha gánh lon, con gánh vại”; “Phụ trái tử hoàn”

b/ Behavior of education of parents towards children

In behavior of parents towards children, the folk specially pay attention to reflect particular parents’ education towards their children They are aware of that without education; every children will be at risk of depravity: “Cha mẹ trông đi con dại, cha mẹ trông lại thì con khôn”

Folk emphasizes that it is necessary to carry out education towards children right from their young age: “Dạy con từ thuở còn sơ, dạy vợ từ thuở ban sơ mới về”

A way of education supported by the folk is using the rod; which is reflected in 5 proverbs:

Ex “Bảo không nghe vọt tre vào đít” There is only one unit of proverb referring to educating children by using insult: “Càng chửi càng rủa càng đỏ hây hây, nâng như nâng trứng chết rầy chết mai” Overall, these ways of education are relatively strict without pampering According to the folk, in order to educate children into good people, using the rod or insult is an expression of love to them

c/ Children’s behavior of respect and gratefulness towards parents

The first attitude of children towards their parents reflected by folk is always respect and gratefulness Children should have the same respect towards both mother and father without discrimination or one-sidedness: “Bên cha cũng kính, bên mẹ cũng rái”; “Cha cũng kính, mẹ cũng vái” However, if only in terms of the effort of nurturing, children assess the mother is more exhausting than father: “Cha sinh không bằng mẹ dưỡng”, so, mother is at the first position Respecting parents, children will inevitably obey them, even in marriage related to

a happy life: “Cha mẹ đặt đâu con ngồi đấy” To son, with the appearance of his wife, conflicts may occur in family, but no matter what he does not remove from his parents or treat them without filial impiety: “Bình phong cẩn ốc xà cừ, vợ hư rẫy vợ đừng từ mẹ cha”

To show appreciation for parents' merits of giving birth and nurturing, each child is aware of his duty and behavior that he should implement such as giving his regards to parents in Tet vacation: “Mồng một Tết cha, mồng ba tết thầy”; doing worship and celebrating dead anniversary when parents pass away:“Con giàu một bó, con khó một nén”

 Negative behavior

Each object has different negative behavior to the other one, so we will clarify the negative behavior of parents towards their children and vice versa as follows:

a/ Negative behavior of parents towards their children

Overall, the number of units of idiom and proverb reflecting negative behavior is much less than the one expressing praiseworthy behavior of parents towards children We record a number of negative expressions as follows:

Parents oppress children or treat them unequally (6 units): “Con mần bể cái thống í ống cả làng, mẹ mần bể cái ang cả làng vắng vẻ”; “Yêu con đỏ, bỏ con đen” The folk criticize the one who is selfish and struggling or doing cruel actions: “Được mối hàng mẹ chẳng nhường con”; “Mẹ cơm chả con lả bụng”; “Chó cái trốn con” Sometimes, that absolute love for children causes negative and blind behavior:“Con cậu cậu nuôi thầy cho, cháu cậu cậu bắt chăn bò chăn trâu”; “Có cha bẻ đùi gà cho con”

b/ Negative behavior of children towards their parents

There are 6 units of proverb reflecting that children do not respect but destroying achievements, contrasting to the wishes and orientation of their parents: “Cha bòn con phá”;

“Cha làm thầy, con bán sách” Besides, the folk also condemned the behavior of abusing parents to bleed for personal benefit: “Con gái là cái bòn” (daughters getting married come back to her parents' home to beg and bleed); “Muốn cho gần mẹ gần cha, khi vào thúng thóc, khi ra quan tiền” or behavior without respect towards parents: “Cha trở ra trở vào, con ngồi cao gọi với”

In summary, it is easily seen that the number of units of idiom and proverb mentioning behavior of children towards parents is much less (about under a half) than the one mentioning behavior of parents towards children (37 units compared with 97 ones) The quantity of units reflecting positive behavior of parents towards their children is about three times more than the one reflecting negative behavior (80 units compared with 17 ones), while the number of units showing positive and negative behavior of children towards parents is approximately equal (16 units compared with 21 ones), excepting there are 4 units confirming that children never treat parents as well as their parents do towards them This shows that according to the folk, major, even indispensable psychology and behavior of parents towards their children is loving and sacrificing But, they are relatively passive because children's behavior depends on quality, consciousness and the specific circumstances of each individual Thus, we can understand that parents have a great influence on children but cannot decide their personality or quality; on the contrary, sometimes they are able to be at risk when having children with unexpected behavior In educating children, Vietnamese people consider hiding love to use the rod is an effective way of teaching children This seems to be opposite to current education theory, but in proverb, it is not rejected but sometimes supported In our opinion, the folk indicate that both mother and father have to share responsibility for educating their children or children’s degeneration instead of placing responsibility on only mother as some documents said Secondly: Behavior in the relationship between parents – daughters in law, sons in law Surveying linguistic data, we found that the number of units of idiom and proverb reflecting positive behavior in this relationship is much less than the one reflecting the negative behavior (4 units compared with 33 ones)

Overall, the main behavior in this relationship is negative, which shows that the relationship between parents and daughters-in-law, sons-in-law is not good, containing many contradictions, frictions and mutual contempt

Especially, it is constant conflict between mother and daughters-in-law being outstanding and reflecting in 26 units Regarding to content, the negativity of this relationship is quite serious, even reaching popularity and not being able to be harmonized Mother and daughter-in-law do not like each other, mutually, often disparaging, speaking ill, even treating with affected attitude (7 units): Ex “Mẹ chồng không ai nói tốt nàng dâu, nàng dâu đâu có nói tốt mẹ chồng” Daughters-in-law are disrespectful or misbehave towards mothers-in-law instead of taking care of them (7 units): Ex “Mẹ chồng nói một, nàng dâu đối mười”… In contrast, mothers-in-law treat their daughters-in-law with estrangement, scrutiny and oppression (5 units): Ex “Trời mưa ướt lá đài bi, con mẹ, mẹ xót thương gì con dâu” Son-in-law treats his wife's family with cold attitude, even despising her parents (5 units): “Bố vợ là vớ quai chèo, mẹ vợ là bèo trôi sông”; “Buồn tênh cháu rể khóc đưa bà, một tiếng khóc là ba tiếng à”…

2.3.3 Relationship among brothers and sisters

Not including families with the appearance of brothers and sisters being stepchildren, in general Vietnamese family, we need to mention these particular relationships among: siblings; sisters-in-law, husband’s siblings and wife, brothers-in-law; cousins

2.3.3.1 Relationship among siblings

a/ Positive behavior

The folk praises behavior of harmony (7 units): Ex “Anh em như thể tay chân,anh em hòa thuận hai thân vui vầy”;sense of solidarity, mutual assistance (8 units): Ex “Cành dưới đỡ