Writing task 2 9.0 9999 national history or world history (1)

While some argue that national history is of greater importance, I am of the opinion that both domains are crucial in their own ways in shaping well-rounded, informed individuals, so the

Overall band score 9 9+9+9+9

See below C&C LR GRA Model answer

WRITING TASK 2

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task

Write about the following topic:

It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about national history than world history.

To what extent to you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Write at least 250 words

Original answer -

Whether national history should take precedence over world history in the

education of schoolchildren has been debated as of late While some argue that national history is of greater importance, I am of the opinion that both domains are crucial in their own ways in shaping well-rounded, informed individuals, so their combination will be an ideal approach

Granted, proponents of a nation-centric historical narrative often emphasize that

it can help children to better appreciate their cultural roots and historical legacy, thereby instilling in them a sense of patriotism and national identity However, this argument overlooks the fact that national histories are often intertwined with global events, so understanding one's own history in isolation can give rise to an insular perspective Worse still, focusing solely on national history may cause children to develop an ethnocentric mindset, potentially hindering their ability to appreciate the complexities and interdependencies of the global community in which they live

For the aforementioned arguments, I believe schoolchildren should be taught about local historical events and those of other countries in tandem The primary reason is that teaching the latter can equip students with a more comprehensive understanding of human civilization, enabling them to grasp the intricacies of diverse cultures, religions, and political systems This broader perspective can foster empathy, tolerance, and a more nuanced understanding of global issues For example, learning about the history of colonization and its impact on various nations can help students recognize the lingering effects of historical injustices and develop a more empathetic stance towards marginalized communities

In conclusion, while national history plays a pivotal role in cultivating a sense of identity and pride among schoolchildren, it is essential to acknowledge the

significance of world history By incorporating both domains into the curriculum, educators can nurture well-rounded, globally aware individuals who possess the knowledge and empathy necessary to navigate an increasingly interconnected world

Overall band score 9 9+9+9+9

TR – Task Response nb – GRA and LR errors have not been corrected

Band score 9

You have a clear position throughout and all parts of the question are addressed Your position is coherent and well-argued The ideas are relevant, extended, and coherent

I think you chose an easy question here, but as a football commentator might

say, you can’t do more than beat a weak team.

I agree that advocating the study of both is the best and easiest position, and to attempt any other position would be almost impossible

Personally, I’d keep it simple, probably answer like a discuss both views question

with one clear paragraph about each, but your approach is fine, as you did write enough about both

Another reason for learning international history is to learn from our mistakes, which is something the collective west is singularly failing to do, as it descends yet again into fascism and tyranny

Advice On Brainstorming For Task 2

As you’re planning and writing your answer, remember to constantly

ask yourself if you’re answering the question Check back to the

question a few times as you think of ideas to make sure they're

directly relevant

question

 Make sure your ideas address all parts of the question If

the question asks for solutions, in the plural, you must suggest at least 2

of the main body paragraphs, are directly relevant to the question

ideas in the main body paragraphs, directly support the main idea

before, as there will always be important differences

that it is consistent with the ideas in the main bodies, and that it does not contradict the introduction

Whether national history should take precedence over world history in the

education of schoolchildren has been debated as of late While some argue that national history is of greater importance, I am of the opinion that both domains are crucial in their own ways in shaping well-rounded, informed individuals, so their combination will be an ideal approach [a]

Granted, proponents of a nation-centric historical narrative often emphasize that

it can help children to better appreciate their cultural roots and historical legacy, thereby instilling in them a sense of patriotism and national identity[b] However, this argument overlooks the fact that national histories are often intertwined with global events, so understanding one's own history in isolation can give rise to an insular perspective Worse still, focusing solely on national history may cause children to develop an ethnocentric mindset, potentially hindering their ability to appreciate the complexities and interdependencies of the global community in which they live.[c]

For the aforementioned arguments, I believe schoolchildren should be taught about local historical events and those of other countries in tandem[d] The

primary reason is that teaching the latter can equip students with a more

comprehensive understanding of human civilization, enabling them to grasp the intricacies of diverse cultures, religions, and political systems This broader

perspective can foster empathy, tolerance, and a more nuanced understanding of global issues For example, learning about the history of colonization and its impact on various nations can help students recognize the lingering effects of

historical injustices and develop a more empathetic stance towards marginalized communities.[e]

In conclusion, while national history plays a pivotal role in cultivating a sense of identity and pride among schoolchildren, it is essential to acknowledge the

significance of world history By incorporating both domains into the curriculum, educators can nurture well-rounded, globally aware individuals who possess the knowledge and empathy necessary to navigate an increasingly interconnected world.[f]

C&C - Cohesion and Coherence nb GRA and LR errors have not been corrected Band score 9

Excellent cohesion and coherence throughout, with no errors

The sentences have a natural flow characteristic of high band score answers

Paragraphing for Task 2

I recommend you write 4 paragraphs as follows:

After reading the introduction, the reader should have a

good idea what the essay is about, and what your position

(opinion) is It should be possible to write an introduction in

under 50 words It is not necessary to write a long

background statement

expand on the ideas sufficiently to persuade the examiner

that you’ve fully supported the main ideas If you write 3

main bodies, it is more difficult to expand and support them

sufficiently to get a high score

they’re given and write one paragraph per question

each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and 2 or

more supporting ideas which support the topic sentence with

reasons, evidence, and examples Do not waste time with

lots of background information

 The topic sentences should directly address the question.

and the main ideas, and it should not introduce new ideas It

should directly answer the question Do not leave the

examiner in any doubt about whether you’ve answered the

question

to clarify your position, make sure that give a good reason to

reject one of the sides If you just restated the original ideas

about one side, the examiner may decide you have covered

one side more than the other

extent question if you have main ideas which both agree and

disagree with the proposition Avoid short paragraphs, with

under 70 words, as it may be difficult to show a clear central

topic in a short paragraph.

Whether national history should take precedence over world history in the

education of schoolchildren has been debated as of late[g] While some argue that national history is of greater importance, I am of the opinion that both domains are crucial in their own ways in shaping well-rounded, informed individuals, so their combination will be an ideal approach [h]

Granted, proponents of a nation-centric historical narrative often emphasize that

it can help children to better appreciate their cultural roots and historical legacy, thereby instilling in them a sense of patriotism and national identity [i]However, this argument overlooks the fact that national histories are often intertwined with global events, so understanding one's own history in isolation can give rise to an insular perspective Worse still, focusing solely on national history may cause children to develop an ethnocentric mindset, potentially hindering their ability to appreciate the complexities and interdependencies of the global community in which they live.[j]

For the aforementioned arguments, I believe schoolchildren should be taught about local historical events and those of other countries in tandem[k] The

primary reason is that teaching the latter can equip students with a more

comprehensive understanding of human civilization, enabling them to grasp the intricacies of diverse cultures, religions, and political systems This broader

perspective can foster empathy, tolerance, and a more nuanced understanding of global issues For example, learning about the history of colonization and its

impact on various nations can help students recognize the lingering effects of historical injustices and develop a more empathetic stance towards marginalized communities.[l]

In conclusion, while national history plays a pivotal role in cultivating a sense of identity and pride among schoolchildren, it is essential to acknowledge the

significance of world history By incorporating both domains into the curriculum, educators can nurture well-rounded, globally aware individuals who possess the knowledge and empathy necessary to navigate an increasingly interconnected world.[m]

LR- - Lexical resource nb Some GRA errors have not been corrected

Band score 9

Vocabulary is used accurately with sufficient flexibility to show precise meaning, with a wide variety of vocabulary, used accurately and with a high level of control

Whether national history should take precedence over world history in the

education of schoolchildren has been debated as of late While some argue that national history is of greater importance, I am of the opinion that

both domains [n]are crucial in their own ways in shaping well-rounded, informed individuals, so their combination [o]will be an ideal approach

Granted, proponents of a nation-centric historical narrative often emphasize that

it can help children to better appreciate their cultural roots and historical legacy, thereby instilling in them a sense of patriotism and national identity However, this argument overlooks the fact that national histories are often intertwined with global events, so understanding one's own history in isolation can give rise to an insular perspective Worse still, focusing solely on national history may cause children to develop an ethnocentric mindset, potentially hindering their ability to

appreciate the complexities and interdependencies of the global community in which they live

For the aforementioned arguments, I believe schoolchildren should be taught about local historical events and those of other countries in tandem The primary reason is that teaching the latter can equip students with a more comprehensive understanding of human civilization, enabling them to grasp the intricacies of diverse cultures, religions, and political systems This broader perspective can foster empathy, tolerance, and a more nuanced understanding of global issues For example, learning about the history of colonization and its impact on various nations can help students recognize the lingering effects of historical injustices and develop a more empathetic stance towards marginalized communities

In conclusion, while national history plays a pivotal role in cultivating a sense of identity and pride among schoolchildren, it is essential to acknowledge the

significance of world history By incorporating both domains into the curriculum, educators can nurture well-rounded, globally aware individuals who possess the knowledge and empathy necessary to navigate an increasingly interconnected world

GRA – Grammatical range and accuracy nb Some LR errors have not been corrected

Band score 9

Grammar is used accurately with a wide variety of structures, which should be good for a band score 9

Punctuation is used correctly throughout

Appropriate structures are used throughout

Whether national history should take precedence over world history in the

education of schoolchildren has been debated as of late While some argue that national history is of greater importance, I am of the opinion that both domains are crucial in their own ways in shaping well-rounded, informed individuals, so their combination will be an ideal approach

Granted, proponents of a nation-centric historical narrative often emphasize that

it can help children to better appreciate their cultural roots and historical legacy,

thereby instilling in them a sense of patriotism and national identity However, this argument overlooks the fact that national histories are often intertwined with global events, so understanding one's own history in isolation can give rise to an insular perspective Worse still, focusing solely on national history may cause children to develop an ethnocentric mindset, potentially hindering their ability to appreciate the complexities and interdependencies of the global community in which they live

For the aforementioned arguments, I believe schoolchildren should be taught about local historical events and those of other countries in tandem The primary reason is that teaching the latter can equip students with a more comprehensive understanding of human civilization, enabling them to grasp the intricacies of diverse cultures, religions, and political systems This broader perspective can foster empathy, tolerance, and a more nuanced understanding of global issues For example, learning about the history of colonization and its impact on various nations can help students recognize the lingering effects of historical injustices and develop a more empathetic stance towards marginalized communities

In conclusion, while national history plays a pivotal role in cultivating a sense of identity and pride among schoolchildren, it is essential to acknowledge the

significance of world history By incorporating both domains into the curriculum, educators can nurture well-rounded, globally aware individuals who possess the knowledge and empathy necessary to navigate an increasingly interconnected world