Writing task 2 9.0 9999 countries should produce foods their population eats and import less (1)

While this proposal is indeed beneficial, I would argue it is not a feasible option in many parts of the world.On the one hand, countries should be encouraged to increase their food self

Overall band score 9 9+9+9+9

See below C&C LR GRA Model answer

WRITING TASK 2

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task

Write about the following topic:

Some people think that countries should produce foods their population eats and import less food as much as possible.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Write at least 250 words

Original answer -

Ensuring national food security is undoubtedly one of the chief objectives of any government To this end, it is proposed that countries should become

independent of food imports While this proposal is indeed beneficial, I would argue it is not a feasible option in many parts of the world

On the one hand, countries should be encouraged to increase their food self-sufficiency and decrease their reliance on food imports As for the former, it can lead to an increase in employment opportunities in the field of agriculture,

thereby curbing the unemployment rate This can be seen in rural areas in

Vietnam, where a focus on developing the agricultural sector has helped ensure year-round production, providing thousands of jobs for the locals and preventing jobless periods Regarding minimizing food imports, it can aid in environmental protection, given reduced food miles and thus lower levels of CO2 emissions from food transportation

On the other hand, producing food domestically is not a viable option for every nation To be more specific, geographic and climatic conditions in many regions are simply not suitable for agricultural practices This is evidenced by Japan, whose infertile soil and hostile climate makes it virtually impossible for this

country to produce enough food to feed its citizenry Another exemplar is Kenya, where food insecurity still remains a major issue due to prolonged droughts For these nations, avoiding food imports would actually be tantamount to causing national food shortages as well as a series of concomitant socio-economic

problems

In conclusion, while there are certain benefits that the policy of food

independence can confer upon a nation and the environment, I believe it can prove unfeasible in countries where natural conditions afford the people little choice, so importing foods in this case seems the only way to guarantee their food security

Overall band score 9 9+9+9+9

TR – Task Response nb – GRA and LR errors have not been corrected

Band score 9

The question is about food security, but it also says foods their population eats, but it’s not really clear whether the question is suggesting net food security or

absolute, as in minimal food imports and exports So, it’s ok to not address that directly

As I said in my comments, your arguments are relevant, but you didn’t use the food security argument, even though you mentioned it in the introduction I think this may be quibbling over minor details, so I still gave you 9 for TR

You could also mention that, even though food independence is not feasible is Japan and elsewhere, it is still worthwhile striving to boost food production

You have a clear position throughout and all parts of the question are addressed Your position is coherent and well-argued The ideas are relevant, extended, and coherent

Advice On Brainstorming For Task 2

As you’re planning and writing your answer, remember to constantly

ask yourself if you’re answering the question Check back to the

question a few times as you think of ideas to make sure they're

directly relevant

question

the question asks for solutions, in the plural, you must

suggest at least 2.

of the main body paragraphs, are directly relevant to the question

ideas in the main body paragraphs, directly support the main idea

before, as there will always be important differences

that it is consistent with the ideas in the main bodies, and that it does not contradict the introduction

Ensuring national food security is [a]undoubtedly one of the chief objectives of any government To this end, it is proposed that countries should

become [b]independent of food imports While this proposal is indeed beneficial, I would argue it is not a feasible option in many parts of the world [c]

On the one hand, countries should be encouraged to increase their food self-sufficiency and decrease their reliance on food imports [d]As for the former, it can lead to an increase in employment opportunities in the field of agriculture,

thereby curbing the unemployment rate This can be seen in rural areas in

Vietnam, where a focus on developing the agricultural sector has helped ensure year-round production, providing thousands of jobs for the locals and preventing jobless periods Regarding minimizing food imports, it can aid in environmental protection, given reduced food miles and thus lower levels of CO2 emissions from food transportation [e]

On the other hand, producing food domestically [f]is not a viable option for every nation[g] To be more specific, geographic and climatic conditions in many regions are simply not suitable for agricultural practices This is evidenced by Japan, whose infertile soil and hostile climate makes it virtually impossible for this

country to produce enough food to feed its citizenry Another exemplar is Kenya, where food insecurity still remains a major issue due to prolonged droughts For these nations, avoiding food imports would actually be tantamount to causing national food shortages as well as a series of concomitant socio-economic

problems [h][i]

In conclusion, while there are certain benefits that the policy of food

independence can confer upon a nation and the environment, I believe it can prove unfeasible in countries where natural conditions afford the people little

choice, so importing foods in this case seems the only way to guarantee their food security.[j]

C&C - Cohesion and Coherence nb GRA and LR errors have not been corrected Band score 9

Excellent cohesion and coherence throughout, with no errors

The sentences have a natural flow characteristic of high band score answers

Paragraphing for Task 2

I recommend you write 4 paragraphs as follows:

After reading the introduction, the reader should have a

good idea what the essay is about, and what your position

(opinion) is It should be possible to write an introduction in

under 50 words It is not necessary to write a long

background statement

expand on the ideas sufficiently to persuade the examiner

that you’ve fully supported the main ideas If you write 3

main bodies, it is more difficult to expand and support them

sufficiently to get a high score

they’re given and write one paragraph per question

each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and 2 or

more supporting ideas which support the topic sentence with

reasons, evidence, and examples Do not waste time with

lots of background information

and the main ideas, and it should not introduce new ideas It

should directly answer the question Do not leave the

examiner in any doubt about whether you’ve answered the

question

 If you write a third paragraph in a discuss both sides question

to clarify your position, make sure that give a good reason to

reject one of the sides If you just restated the original ideas

about one side, the examiner may decide you have covered

one side more than the other

extent question if you have main ideas which both agree and

disagree with the proposition Avoid short paragraphs, with

under 70 words, as it may be difficult to show a clear central

topic in a short paragraph.

Ensuring national food security is undoubtedly one of the chief objectives of any government[k] To this end, it is proposed that countries should become

independent of food imports While this proposal is indeed beneficial, I would argue [l]it is not a feasible option in many parts of the world

On the one hand, countries should be encouraged to increase their food self-sufficiency and decrease their reliance on food imports[m] As for the former, it can lead to [n]an increase in employment opportunities in the field of

agriculture, thereby curbing the unemployment rate[o] This can be seen in rural areas in Vietnam, where [p]a focus on developing the agricultural sector has helped ensure year-round production, providing thousands of jobs for the locals [q]and preventing jobless periods Regarding minimizing food imports, [r]it can aid in environmental protection, given [s]reduced food miles and thus lower levels of CO2 emissions from food transportation

On the other hand, producing food domestically is not a viable option for every nation[t] To be more specific, geographic and climatic conditions in many regions are simply not suitable for agricultural practices[u] This is evidenced [v]by

Japan, whose infertile soil and hostile climate makes it virtually impossible for this country to produce enough [w]food to feed its citizenry Another exemplar is

Kenya, where food insecurity still remains a major issue [x]due to prolonged

droughts For these nations, avoiding food imports would actually be tantamount

to causing national food shortages as well as a series of concomitant

socio-economic problems [y]

In conclusion, while there are certain benefits that the policy of food

independence can confer upon a nation and the environment, I believe [z]it can prove [aa]unfeasible in countries where natural conditions afford the people little choice, so importing foods in this case seems the only way to guarantee their food security

LR- - Lexical resource nb Some GRA errors have not been corrected

Band score 9

Vocabulary is used accurately with sufficient flexibility to show precise meaning, with a wide variety of vocabulary, used accurately and with a high level of control

Ensuring national food security is undoubtedly one of the chief objectives of any government To this end, it is proposed that countries should become

independent of food imports While this proposal is indeed beneficial, I would argue it is not a feasible option in many parts of the world

On the one hand, countries should be encouraged to increase their food self-sufficiency and decrease their reliance on food imports As for the former, it can lead to an increase in employment opportunities in the field of agriculture,

thereby curbing [ab]the unemployment rate This can be seen in rural areas in Vietnam, where a focus on developing the agricultural sector has helped ensure year-round production, providing thousands of jobs for the locals and preventing jobless periods[ac] Regarding minimizing food imports, it can aid in environmental protection, given reduced food miles and thus lower levels of CO2 emissions from food transportation

On the other hand, producing food domestically is not a viable option for every nation To be more specific, geographic and climatic conditions in many regions are simply not suitable for agricultural practices[ad] This is evidenced by Japan, whose infertile soil and hostile climate makes it virtually impossible for this

country to produce enough food to feed its citizenry Another exemplar [ae]is

Kenya, where food insecurity still remains a major issue due to prolonged

droughts For these nations, avoiding food imports would actually be tantamount

to causing national food shortages as well as a series of concomitant

socio-economic problems

In conclusion, while there are certain benefits that the policy of food

independence can confer upon a nation and the environment, I believe it can prove unfeasible in countries where natural conditions afford the people [af]little choice, so importing foods in this case seems the only way to guarantee their food security

GRA – Grammatical range and accuracy nb Some LR errors have not been corrected

Band score 9

Grammar is used accurately a wide variety of structures, which should be good for

a band score 9

Punctuation is use correctly throughout

Appropriate structures are used throughout

Errors are rare and occur as minor slips

Ensuring national food security is undoubtedly [ag]one of the chief objectives of any government To this end, it is proposed that countries should become

independent of food imports While this proposal is indeed beneficial, I would argue it is not a feasible option in many parts of the world

On the one hand, countries should be encouraged to increase their food self-sufficiency and decrease their reliance on food imports As for the former, it can lead to an increase in employment opportunities in the field of agriculture,

thereby curbing the unemployment rate This can be seen in rural areas in

Vietnam, where a focus on developing the agricultural sector has helped ensure year-round production, providing thousands of jobs for the locals and preventing jobless periods Regarding minimizing food imports, it can aid in environmental protection, given reduced food miles and thus lower levels of CO2 emissions from food transportation

On the other hand, producing food domestically is not a viable option for every nation To be more specific, geographic and climatic conditions in many regions are simply not suitable for agricultural practices This is evidenced by Japan,

whose infertile soil and hostile climate makes it virtually impossible for this

country to produce enough food to feed its citizenry Another exemplar is Kenya,

where food insecurity still remains a major issue due to prolonged droughts For these nations, avoiding food imports would actually be tantamount to causing national food shortages as well as a series of concomitant socio-economic

problems

In conclusion, while there are certain benefits that the policy of food

independence can confer upon a nation and the environment, I believe it can prove unfeasible in countries where natural conditions afford the people little choice, so importing foods in this case seems the only way to guarantee their food security