This essay will delve into the underlying causes of this disparity, before showing how to encourage greater respect for the elderly.Perhaps the foremost reason for the differing attitude
Trang 1Overall band score 9 9+9+9+9
See below C&C LR GRA Model answer
WRITING TASK 2
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task
Write about the following topic:
In some societies, old people are respected and valued, while in others they are seen as a burden and neglected.
Why is this the case?
What can be done to promote greater respect for the elderly?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience
Write at least 250 words
Original answer -
In various societies across the globe, the treatment of the elderly varies
significantly While some cultures revere and honor their older citizens, others perceive them as burdensome and treat them with neglect This essay will delve into the underlying causes of this disparity, before showing how to encourage greater respect for the elderly
Perhaps the foremost reason for the differing attitudes towards the elderly lies in cultural values and traditions In societies with strong collectivist traditions,
respect for the elderly is deeply ingrained These cultures emphasize the
importance of intergenerational connections and the wisdom that older
individuals possess For example, in Japan, the annual "Respect for the Aged Day" celebrates and honors the contributions of senior citizens In contrast, in some Western societies with a more individualistic approach, the focus tends to be on youth and personal achievement, leading to a diminished appreciation for the elderly and their wisdom As a result, older individuals in these countries often face social isolation and marginalization
In order to foster a greater sense of respect for the elderly, a concerted effort should be made by both parents and schools to instill these values in children from an early age Parents can set an example by modeling respectful behavior towards older family members and involving them in the lives of their children In tandem with this, schools should integrate more lessons on empathy, respect, and the value of older generations into the curriculum Extracurricular activities, such as intergenerational programs and volunteer opportunities at senior centers,
Trang 2can provide students with firsthand experiences of interacting with the elderly, thereby fostering understanding and appreciation for their wisdom and life
experiences
In conclusion, the varying attitudes towards the elderly can be attributed to
cultural values and traditions To promote greater respect for older individuals, it
is imperative that parents and schools work in concert to nurture a sense of
reverence for the aged in children
OVERALL BAND SCORE 9 9+9+9+9
TR – Task Response nb – GRA and LR errors have not been corrected
Band score 9
You have a clear position throughout and all parts of the question are addressed Your position is coherent and well-argued The ideas are relevant, extended, and coherent
I wouldn’t ignore the impact of the media – it’s partly responsible for the change
in attitudes in the west, and it could be used to reverse the situation – in theory at any rate The pressure on women to work and have careers instead of pursuing their traditional roles as nurturers and carers at home has played a role in this change
Advice On Brainstorming For Task 2
As you’re planning and writing your answer, remember to constantly
ask yourself if you’re answering the question Check back to the
question a few times as you think of ideas to make sure they're
directly relevant
question
the question asks for solutions, in the plural, you must
Trang 3of the main body paragraphs, are directly relevant to the question
ideas in the main body paragraphs, directly support the main idea
before, as there will always be important differences
that it is consistent with the ideas in the main bodies, and that it does not contradict the introduction
In various societies across the globe, the treatment of the elderly varies
significantly While some cultures revere and honor their older citizens, others perceive them as burdensome and treat them with neglect This essay will delve into the underlying causes of this disparity, before showing how to encourage
Perhaps the foremost reason for the differing attitudes towards the elderly lies in
respect for the elderly is deeply ingrained These cultures emphasize the
importance of intergenerational connections and the wisdom that older
individuals possess For example, in Japan, the annual "Respect for the Aged Day" celebrates and honors the contributions of senior citizens In contrast, in some
youth and personal achievement, leading to a diminished appreciation for the
In order to foster a greater sense of respect for the elderly, a concerted effort should be made by both parents and schools to instill these values in children
towards older family members and involving them in the lives of their children In tandem with this, schools should integrate more lessons on empathy, respect, and the value of older generations into the curriculum Extracurricular activities, such as intergenerational programs and volunteer opportunities at senior centers, can provide students with firsthand experiences of interacting with the elderly, thereby fostering understanding and appreciation for their wisdom and life
In conclusion, the varying attitudes towards the elderly can be attributed to
cultural values and traditions To promote greater respect for older individuals, it
Trang 4is imperative that parents and schools work in concert to nurture a sense of
C&C - Cohesion and Coherence nb GRA and LR errors have not been corrected Band score 9
Excellent cohesion and coherence throughout, with no errors
The sentences have a natural flow characteristic of high band score answers
Paragraphing for Task 2
I recommend you write 4 paragraphs as follows:
After reading the introduction, the reader should have a
good idea what the essay is about, and what your position
(opinion) is It should be possible to write an introduction in
under 50 words It is not necessary to write a long
background statement
expand on the ideas sufficiently to persuade the examiner
that you’ve fully supported the main ideas If you write 3
main bodies, it is more difficult to expand and support them
sufficiently to get a high score
they’re given and write one paragraph per question
each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and 2 or
more supporting ideas which support the topic sentence with
reasons, evidence, and examples Do not waste time with
lots of background information
and the main ideas, and it should not introduce new ideas It
should directly answer the question Do not leave the
Trang 5 If you write a third paragraph in a discuss both sides question
to clarify your position, make sure that give a good reason to
reject one of the sides If you just restated the original ideas
about one side, the examiner may decide you have covered
one side more than the other
extent question if you have main ideas which both agree and
disagree with the proposition Avoid short paragraphs, with
under 70 words, as it may be difficult to show a clear central
topic in a short paragraph.
In various societies across the globe, the treatment of the elderly varies
significantly While some cultures revere and honor their older citizens, others
into the underlying causes of this disparity, before showing how to encourage
Perhaps the foremost reason for the differing attitudes towards the elderly lies in
respect for the elderly is deeply ingrained These cultures emphasize the
importance of intergenerational connections and the wisdom that older
individuals possess For example, in Japan, the annual "Respect for the Aged Day" celebrates and honors the contributions of senior citizens In contrast, in some Western societies with a more individualistic approach, the focus tends to be on youth and personal achievement, leading to a diminished appreciation for the elderly and their wisdom As a result, older individuals in these countries often
In order to foster a greater sense of respect for the elderly, a concerted effort should be made by both parents and schools to instill these values in children
towards older family members and involving them in the lives of their children In tandem with this, schools should integrate more lessons on empathy, respect, and the value of older generations into the curriculum Extracurricular activities, such as intergenerational programs and volunteer opportunities at senior centers, can provide students with firsthand experiences of interacting with the elderly, thereby fostering understanding and appreciation for their wisdom and life
In conclusion, the varying attitudes towards the elderly can be attributed to
cultural values and traditions To promote greater respect for older individuals, it
Trang 6is imperative that parents and schools work in concert to nurture a sense of
reverence for the aged in children
LR- - Lexical resource nb Some GRA errors have not been corrected
Band score 9
Vocabulary is used accurately with sufficient flexibility to show precise meaning, with a wide variety of vocabulary, used accurately and with a high level of control
In various societies across the globe, the treatment of the
citizens, others perceive them as burdensome and treat them with neglect This essay will delve into the underlying causes of this disparity, before showing how
to encourage greater respect for the elderly
Perhaps the foremost reason for the differing attitudes towards the elderly lies in cultural values and traditions In societies with strong collectivist traditions,
respect for the elderly is deeply ingrained These cultures emphasize the
importance of intergenerational connections and the wisdom that older
individuals possess For example, in Japan, the annual "Respect for the Aged Day" celebrates and honors the contributions of senior citizens In contrast, in some Western societies with a more individualistic approach, the focus tends to be on youth and personal achievement, leading to a diminished appreciation for the elderly and their wisdom As a result, older individuals in these countries often face social isolation and marginalization
In order to foster a greater sense of respect for the elderly, a concerted effort should be made by both parents and schools to instill these values in children from an early age Parents can set an example by modeling respectful behavior towards older family members and involving them in the lives of their children In
Trang 7such as intergenerational programs and volunteer opportunities at senior centers, can provide students with firsthand experiences of interacting with the elderly, thereby fostering understanding and appreciation for their wisdom and life
experiences
In conclusion, the varying attitudes towards the elderly can be attributed to
is imperative that parents and schools work in concert to nurture a sense of
reverence for the aged in children
GRA – Grammatical range and accuracy nb Some LR errors have not been corrected
Band score 9
Grammar is used accurately with a wide variety of structures, which should be good for a band score 9
Punctuation is used correctly throughout
Appropriate structures are used throughout
In various societies across the globe, the treatment of the elderly varies
significantly While some cultures revere and honor their older citizens, others perceive them as burdensome and treat them with neglect This essay will delve into the underlying causes of this disparity, before showing how to encourage greater respect for the elderly
Perhaps the foremost reason for the differing attitudes towards the elderly lies in cultural values and traditions In societies with strong collectivist traditions,
respect for the elderly is deeply ingrained These cultures emphasize the
importance of intergenerational connections and the wisdom that older
individuals possess For example, in Japan, the annual "Respect for the Aged Day" celebrates and honors the contributions of senior citizens In contrast, in some Western societies with a more individualistic approach, the focus tends to be on youth and personal achievement, leading to a diminished appreciation for the elderly and their wisdom As a result, older individuals in these countries often face social isolation and marginalization
Trang 8In order to foster a greater sense of respect for the elderly, a concerted effort should be made by both parents and schools to instill these values in children from an early age Parents can set an example by modeling respectful behavior towards older family members and involving them in the lives of their children In tandem with this, schools should integrate more lessons on empathy, respect, and the value of older generations into the curriculum Extracurricular activities, such as intergenerational programs and volunteer opportunities at senior centers, can provide students with firsthand experiences of interacting with the elderly, thereby fostering understanding and appreciation for their wisdom and life
experiences
In conclusion, the varying attitudes towards the elderly can be attributed to
cultural values and traditions To promote greater respect for older individuals, it
is imperative that parents and schools work in concert to nurture a sense of reverence for the aged in children