This essay will delve into the underlying causes of this disparity, before showing how to encourage greater respect for the elderly.Perhaps the foremost reason for the differing attitude
Overall band score 9+9+9+9 See below C&C LR GRA Model answer WRITING TASK You should spend about 40 minutes on this task Write about the following topic: In some societies, old people are respected and valued, while in others they are seen as a burden and neglected Why is this the case? What can be done to promote greater respect for the elderly? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience Write at least 250 words Original answer In various societies across the globe, the treatment of the elderly varies significantly While some cultures revere and honor their older citizens, others perceive them as burdensome and treat them with neglect This essay will delve into the underlying causes of this disparity, before showing how to encourage greater respect for the elderly Perhaps the foremost reason for the differing attitudes towards the elderly lies in cultural values and traditions In societies with strong collectivist traditions, respect for the elderly is deeply ingrained These cultures emphasize the importance of intergenerational connections and the wisdom that older individuals possess For example, in Japan, the annual "Respect for the Aged Day" celebrates and honors the contributions of senior citizens In contrast, in some Western societies with a more individualistic approach, the focus tends to be on youth and personal achievement, leading to a diminished appreciation for the elderly and their wisdom As a result, older individuals in these countries often face social isolation and marginalization In order to foster a greater sense of respect for the elderly, a concerted effort should be made by both parents and schools to instill these values in children from an early age Parents can set an example by modeling respectful behavior towards older family members and involving them in the lives of their children In tandem with this, schools should integrate more lessons on empathy, respect, and the value of older generations into the curriculum Extracurricular activities, such as intergenerational programs and volunteer opportunities at senior centers, can provide students with firsthand experiences of interacting with the elderly, thereby fostering understanding and appreciation for their wisdom and life experiences In conclusion, the varying attitudes towards the elderly can be attributed to cultural values and traditions To promote greater respect for older individuals, it is imperative that parents and schools work in concert to nurture a sense of reverence for the aged in children OVERALL BAND SCORE 9+9+9+9 TR – Task Response nb – GRA and LR errors have not been corrected Band score You have a clear position throughout and all parts of the question are addressed Your position is coherent and well-argued The ideas are relevant, extended, and coherent I wouldn’t ignore the impact of the media – it’s partly responsible for the change in attitudes in the west, and it could be used to reverse the situation – in theory at any rate The pressure on women to work and have careers instead of pursuing their traditional roles as nurturers and carers at home has played a role in this change Advice On Brainstorming For Task As you’re planning and writing your answer, remember to constantly ask yourself if you’re answering the question Check back to the question a few times as you think of ideas to make sure they're directly relevant Make sure your introduction directly addresses the question Make sure your ideas address all parts of the question If the question asks for solutions, in the plural, you must suggest at least Make sure your main ideas, as stated in the first sentence of the main body paragraphs, are directly relevant to the question Make sure your supporting ideas, which follow the main ideas in the main body paragraphs, directly support the main idea Be especially careful if you’ve answered similar question before, as there will always be important differences Make sure your conclusion directly answers the question, that it is consistent with the ideas in the main bodies, and that it does not contradict the introduction In various societies across the globe, the treatment of the elderly varies significantly While some cultures revere and honor their older citizens, others perceive them as burdensome and treat them with neglect This essay will delve into the underlying causes of this disparity, before showing how to encourage greater respect for the elderly.[a] Perhaps the foremost reason for the differing attitudes towards the elderly lies in cultural values and traditions [b]In societies with strong collectivist traditions, respect for the elderly is deeply ingrained These cultures emphasize the importance of intergenerational connections and the wisdom that older individuals possess For example, in Japan, the annual "Respect for the Aged Day" celebrates and honors the contributions of senior citizens In contrast, in some Western societies with a more individualistic [c]approach, the focus tends to be on youth and personal achievement, leading to a diminished appreciation for the elderly and their wisdom [d]As a result, older individuals in these countries often face social isolation and marginalization.[e] In order to foster a greater sense of respect for the elderly, a concerted effort should be made by both parents and schools to instill these values in children from an early age[f] Parents can set an example by modeling respectful behavior towards older family members and involving them in the lives of their children In tandem with this, schools should integrate more lessons on empathy, respect, and the value of older generations into the curriculum Extracurricular activities, such as intergenerational programs and volunteer opportunities at senior centers, can provide students with firsthand experiences of interacting with the elderly, thereby fostering understanding and appreciation for their wisdom and life experiences.[g] In conclusion, the varying attitudes towards the elderly can be attributed to cultural values and traditions To promote greater respect for older individuals, it is imperative that parents and schools work in concert to nurture a sense of reverence for the aged in children.[h] C&C - Cohesion and Coherence nb GRA and LR errors have not been corrected Band score Excellent cohesion and coherence throughout, with no errors The sentences have a natural flow characteristic of high band score answers Paragraphing for Task I recommend you write paragraphs as follows: Write an introduction, that explains what the question is After reading the introduction, the reader should have a good idea what the essay is about, and what your position (opinion) is It should be possible to write an introduction in under 50 words It is not necessary to write a long background statement Write main body paragraphs This should allow you to expand on the ideas sufficiently to persuade the examiner that you’ve fully supported the main ideas If you write main bodies, it is more difficult to expand and support them sufficiently to get a high score If it’s a two-part question, answer the questions in the order they’re given and write one paragraph per question The main body paragraphs should be 100-120 words, and each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and or more supporting ideas which support the topic sentence with reasons, evidence, and examples Do not waste time with lots of background information The topic sentences should directly address the question The conclusion should be consistent with the introduction and the main ideas, and it should not introduce new ideas It should directly answer the question Do not leave the examiner in any doubt about whether you’ve answered the question If you write a third paragraph in a discuss both sides question to clarify your position, make sure that give a good reason to reject one of the sides If you just restated the original ideas about one side, the examiner may decide you have covered one side more than the other It is also ok to write a third body paragraph in a to what extent question if you have main ideas which both agree and disagree with the proposition Avoid short paragraphs, with under 70 words, as it may be difficult to show a clear central topic in a short paragraph In various societies across the globe, the treatment of the elderly varies significantly While some cultures revere and honor their older citizens, others perceive them as burdensome and treat them with neglect [i] This essay will delve into the underlying causes of this disparity, before showing how to encourage greater respect for the elderly.[j] Perhaps the foremost reason for the differing attitudes towards the elderly lies in cultural values and traditions[k] In societies with strong collectivist traditions, respect for the elderly is deeply ingrained These cultures emphasize the importance of intergenerational connections and the wisdom that older individuals possess For example, in Japan, the annual "Respect for the Aged Day" celebrates and honors the contributions of senior citizens In contrast, in some Western societies with a more individualistic approach, the focus tends to be on youth and personal achievement, leading to a diminished appreciation for the elderly and their wisdom As a result, older individuals in these countries often face social isolation and marginalization.[l] In order to foster a greater sense of respect for the elderly, a concerted effort should be made by both parents and schools to instill these values in children from an early age[m] Parents can set an example by modeling respectful behavior towards older family members and involving them in the lives of their children In tandem with this, schools should integrate more lessons on empathy, respect, and the value of older generations into the curriculum Extracurricular activities, such as intergenerational programs and volunteer opportunities at senior centers, can provide students with firsthand experiences of interacting with the elderly, thereby fostering understanding and appreciation for their wisdom and life experiences.[n] In conclusion, the varying attitudes towards the elderly can be attributed to cultural values and traditions To promote greater respect for older individuals, it is imperative that parents and schools work in concert to nurture a sense of reverence for the aged in children LR- - Lexical resource nb Some GRA errors have not been corrected Band score Vocabulary is used accurately with sufficient flexibility to show precise meaning, with a wide variety of vocabulary, used accurately and with a high level of control In various societies across the globe, the treatment of the elderly varies [o]significantly While some cultures revere and honor their older citizens, others perceive them as burdensome and treat them with neglect This essay will delve into the underlying causes of this disparity, before showing how to encourage greater respect for the elderly Perhaps the foremost reason for the differing attitudes towards the elderly lies in cultural values and traditions In societies with strong collectivist traditions, respect for the elderly is deeply ingrained These cultures emphasize the importance of intergenerational connections and the wisdom that older individuals possess For example, in Japan, the annual "Respect for the Aged Day" celebrates and honors the contributions of senior citizens In contrast, in some Western societies with a more individualistic approach, the focus tends to be on youth and personal achievement, leading to a diminished appreciation for the elderly and their wisdom As a result, older individuals in these countries often face social isolation and marginalization In order to foster a greater sense of respect for the elderly, a concerted effort should be made by both parents and schools to instill these values in children from an early age Parents can set an example by modeling respectful behavior towards older family members and involving them in the lives of their children In tandem with this, schools should integrate more lessons on empathy, respect, and the value of older generations into the curriculum Extracurricular activities, such as intergenerational programs and volunteer opportunities at senior centers, can provide students with firsthand experiences of interacting with the elderly, thereby fostering understanding and appreciation for their wisdom and life experiences In conclusion, the varying attitudes towards the elderly can be attributed to cultural values and traditions[p] To promote greater respect for older individuals, it is imperative that parents and schools work in concert to nurture a sense of reverence for the aged in children GRA – Grammatical range and accuracy nb Some LR errors have not been corrected Band score Grammar is used accurately with a wide variety of structures, which should be good for a band score Punctuation is used correctly throughout Appropriate structures are used throughout In various societies across the globe, the treatment of the elderly varies significantly While some cultures revere and honor their older citizens, others perceive them as burdensome and treat them with neglect This essay will delve into the underlying causes of this disparity, before showing how to encourage greater respect for the elderly Perhaps the foremost reason for the differing attitudes towards the elderly lies in cultural values and traditions In societies with strong collectivist traditions, respect for the elderly is deeply ingrained These cultures emphasize the importance of intergenerational connections and the wisdom that older individuals possess For example, in Japan, the annual "Respect for the Aged Day" celebrates and honors the contributions of senior citizens In contrast, in some Western societies with a more individualistic approach, the focus tends to be on youth and personal achievement, leading to a diminished appreciation for the elderly and their wisdom As a result, older individuals in these countries often face social isolation and marginalization In order to foster a greater sense of respect for the elderly, a concerted effort should be made by both parents and schools to instill these values in children from an early age Parents can set an example by modeling respectful behavior towards older family members and involving them in the lives of their children In tandem with this, schools should integrate more lessons on empathy, respect, and the value of older generations into the curriculum Extracurricular activities, such as intergenerational programs and volunteer opportunities at senior centers, can provide students with firsthand experiences of interacting with the elderly, thereby fostering understanding and appreciation for their wisdom and life experiences In conclusion, the varying attitudes towards the elderly can be attributed to cultural values and traditions To promote greater respect for older individuals, it is imperative that parents and schools work in concert to nurture a sense of reverence for the aged in children