Trang 1 Overall band score 9 9+9+9+9See below C&C LR GRA Model answerWRITING TASK 2You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.Write about the following topic:An increasing number of
Trang 1Overall band score 9 9+9+9+9
See below C&C LR GRA Model answer
WRITING TASK 2
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task
Write about the following topic:
An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order
to improve their appearance.
Why is this the case?
Is it a positive or negative development?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience
Write at least 250 words
Original answer -
The prevalence of cosmetic surgery has surged in recent years, with many
individuals opting for procedures to enhance their appearance This essay will first outline the underlying causes of this trend, before arguing that it is more of a negative development
The primary motivation for individuals seeking cosmetic surgery is often rooted in
a desire to conform to social beauty standards The pervasive influence of mass media and technology has amplified the focus on physical appearance, making many people feel pressure to conform to beauty ideals and resort to surgical intervention to achieve their desired look For example, the widespread use of photo-editing applications and the proliferation of "picture-perfect" images on social media platforms have led many to seek cosmetic procedures to attain a similar level of perceived perfection This is further compounded by advances in medical technology, which have made cosmetic surgery more accessible and affordable, further fueling the increase in such procedures
Notwithstanding the potential benefits of improved self-confidence and
satisfaction with one's appearance, I believe that the growing trend of cosmetic surgery is predominantly detrimental One major problem is that it can lead to an excessive focus on external beauty or, in other words, foster a culture of
superficiality, where individuals are judged primarily on their physical appearance rather than their character or abilities This could lead to a decline in self-worth for those who may not fit into the narrow definitions of beauty propagated by society Worse still, the pursuit of physical perfection can become an obsession
Trang 2for some individuals, leading to multiple procedures and a vicious cycle of
dissatisfaction with their appearance
In conclusion, the rise in cosmetic surgery can be attributed to the pressure to conform to social beauty standards and increased accessibility of these
procedures From my perspective, the promotion of superficial values, coupled with the potential psychological risks, makes this development largely negative
Overall band score 9 9+9+9+9
TR – Task Response nb – GRA and LR errors have not been corrected
Band score 9
Excellent answer
You have a clear position throughout and all parts of the question are addressed Your position is coherent and well-argued The ideas are relevant, extended, and coherent
Other ideas
would not be considered good looking Obviously, this only really applies to women
rather than to a lack of ability defects in their character This being the case, there’s not much chance of their other defects being rectified
are obviously attracted to beautiful women, so it’s only natural that women should do all they can to attract a mate Before plastic surgery they had and still have fashion and makeup – all designed to deceive us – LOL Fortunately for our female counterparts, it’s more difficult for us to fool them, as they’re more interested in resources than in looks
Advice On Brainstorming For Task 2
Trang 3As you’re planning and writing your answer, remember to constantly
ask yourself if you’re answering the question Check back to the
question a few times as you think of ideas to make sure they're
directly relevant
question
the question asks for solutions, in the plural, you must suggest at least 2
of the main body paragraphs, are directly relevant to the question
ideas in the main body paragraphs, directly support the main idea
before, as there will always be important differences
that it is consistent with the ideas in the main bodies, and that it does not contradict the introduction
The prevalence of cosmetic surgery has surged in recent years, with many
individuals opting for procedures to enhance their appearance This essay will first outline the underlying causes of this trend, before arguing that it is more of a
The primary motivation for individuals seeking cosmetic surgery is often rooted in
media and technology has amplified the focus on physical appearance, making many people feel pressure to conform to beauty ideals and resort to surgical intervention to achieve their desired look For example, the widespread use of photo-editing applications and the proliferation of "picture-perfect" images on
similar level of perceived perfection This is further compounded by advances in medical technology, which have made cosmetic surgery more accessible and
Notwithstanding the potential benefits of improved self-confidence and
satisfaction with one's appearance, I believe that the growing trend of cosmetic
Trang 4an excessive focus on external beauty or, in other words, foster a culture of
superficiality, where individuals are judged primarily on their physical appearance rather than their character or abilities This could lead to a decline in self-worth for those who may not fit into the narrow definitions of beauty propagated by society Worse still, the pursuit of physical perfection can become an obsession for some individuals, leading to multiple procedures and a vicious cycle of
In conclusion, the rise in cosmetic surgery can be attributed to the pressure to conform to social beauty standards and increased accessibility of these
procedures From my perspective, the promotion of superficial values, coupled
C&C - Cohesion and Coherence nb GRA and LR errors have not been corrected Band score 9
Excellent cohesion and coherence throughout, with no errors
The sentences have a natural flow characteristic of high band score answers
Paragraphing for Task 2
I recommend you write 4 paragraphs as follows:
After reading the introduction, the reader should have a
good idea what the essay is about, and what your position
(opinion) is It should be possible to write an introduction in
under 50 words It is not necessary to write a long
background statement
expand on the ideas sufficiently to persuade the examiner
that you’ve fully supported the main ideas If you write 3
main bodies, it is more difficult to expand and support them
sufficiently to get a high score
they’re given and write one paragraph per question
each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and 2 or
Trang 5more supporting ideas which support the topic sentence with
reasons, evidence, and examples Do not waste time with
lots of background information
and the main ideas, and it should not introduce new ideas It
should directly answer the question Do not leave the
examiner in any doubt about whether you’ve answered the
question
to clarify your position, make sure that give a good reason to
reject one of the sides If you just restated the original ideas
about one side, the examiner may decide you have covered
one side more than the other
extent question if you have main ideas which both agree and
disagree with the proposition Avoid short paragraphs, with
under 70 words, as it may be difficult to show a clear central
topic in a short paragraph.
The prevalence of cosmetic surgery has surged in recent years, with many
individuals opting for procedures to enhance their appearance This essay will first outline the underlying causes of this trend, before arguing that it is more of a
The primary motivation for individuals seeking cosmetic surgery is often rooted in
media and technology has amplified the focus on physical appearance, making many people feel pressure to conform to beauty ideals and resort to surgical intervention to achieve their desired look For example, the widespread use of photo-editing applications and the proliferation of "picture-perfect" images on social media platforms have led many to seek cosmetic procedures to attain a similar level of perceived perfection This is further compounded by advances in medical technology, which have made cosmetic surgery more accessible and
Notwithstanding the potential benefits of improved self-confidence and
satisfaction with one's appearance, I believe that the growing trend of cosmetic
an excessive focus on external beauty or, in other words, foster a culture of
Trang 6superficiality, where individuals are judged primarily on their physical appearance rather than their character or abilities This could lead to a decline in self-worth for those who may not fit into the narrow definitions of beauty propagated by society Worse still, the pursuit of physical perfection can become an obsession for some individuals, leading to multiple procedures and a vicious cycle of
In conclusion, the rise in cosmetic surgery can be attributed to the pressure to conform to social beauty standards and increased accessibility of these
procedures From my perspective, the promotion of superficial values, coupled with the potential psychological risks, makes this development largely negative
LR- - Lexical resource nb Some GRA errors have not been corrected
Band score 9
Vocabulary is used accurately with sufficient flexibility to show precise meaning, with a wide variety of vocabulary, used accurately and with a high level of control
individuals opting for procedures to enhance their appearance This essay will first outline the underlying causes of this trend, before arguing that it is more of a negative development
The primary motivation for individuals seeking cosmetic surgery is often rooted in
a desire to conform to social beauty standards The pervasive influence of mass media and technology has amplified the focus on physical appearance, making many people feel pressure to conform to beauty ideals and resort to surgical intervention to achieve their desired look For example, the widespread use of photo-editing applications and the proliferation of "picture-perfect" images on social media platforms have led many to seek cosmetic procedures to attain a similar level of perceived perfection This is further compounded by advances in
Trang 7medical technology, which have made cosmetic surgery more accessible [p]and
Notwithstanding the potential benefits of improved self-confidence and
surgery is predominantly detrimental One major problem is that it can lead to an excessive focus on external beauty or, in other words, foster a culture of
superficiality, where individuals are judged primarily on their physical appearance rather than their character or abilities This could lead to a decline in
self-worth for those who may not fit into the narrow definitions of beauty propagated
by society Worse still, the pursuit of physical perfection can become an obsession for some individuals, leading to multiple procedures and a vicious cycle of
dissatisfaction with their appearance
In conclusion, the rise in cosmetic surgery can be attributed to the pressure to
procedures From my perspective, the promotion of superficial values, coupled with the potential psychological risks, makes this development largely negative
GRA – Grammatical range and accuracy nb Some LR errors have not been corrected
Band score 9
Grammar is used accurately with a wide variety of structures, which should be good for a band score 9
Punctuation is use correctly throughout
Appropriate structures are used throughout
Errors are rare and occur as minor slips
The prevalence of cosmetic surgery has surged in recent years, with many
individuals opting for procedures to enhance their appearance This essay will first outline the underlying causes of this trend, before arguing that it is more of a negative development
The primary motivation for individuals seeking cosmetic surgery is often rooted in
a desire to conform to social beauty standards The pervasive influence of mass media and technology has amplified the focus on physical appearance, making
Trang 8many people feel pressure to conform to beauty ideals and resort to surgical intervention to achieve their desired look For example, the widespread use of photo-editing applications and the proliferation of "picture-perfect" images on social media platforms have led many to seek cosmetic procedures to attain a similar level of perceived perfection This is further compounded by advances in medical technology, which have made cosmetic surgery more accessible and affordable, further fueling the increase in such procedures
Notwithstanding the potential benefits of improved self-confidence and
satisfaction with one's appearance, I believe that the growing trend of cosmetic
an excessive focus on external beauty or, in other words, foster a culture of
superficiality, where individuals are judged primarily on their physical appearance rather than their character or abilities This could lead to a decline in self-worth for those who may not fit into the narrow definitions of beauty propagated by society Worse still, the pursuit of physical perfection can become an obsession for some individuals, leading to multiple procedures and a vicious cycle of
dissatisfaction with their appearance
conform to social beauty standards and increased accessibility of these
procedures From my perspective, the promotion of superficial values, coupled with the potential psychological risks, makes this development largely negative