AUGUST She thought that she had never before had a chance to realize the might, grimness and tenderness of God She thought that now for the first time she began to know herself, and she gained extraordinary hope in this beginning of knowledge —JAMES AGEE If we have ever wondered about the limits of our strength and our ability to endure, our experience of loss will tell us much Our life is shaken to the foundation But we survive And out of this terrible, rarefied self-knowledge comes, if we are fortunate, a kind of empathy with all of creation—a sense of the wonder at the suffering and the beauty, of the world We know ourselves to be in this world, to be part of it and also that it is out of our hands We cannot manage any of it, but we are in the hands of One who can In this purifying and terrible wisdom, may I feel the regenerating presence of God, for consolation, and for hope AUGUST I tell you hopeless grief is passionless —ELIZABETH BARRETT BROWNING One of the many moods of grief is a kind of numbness, a despair so deep and pervasive that nothing seems able to ripple its surface This is perhaps a benign form of anesthesia, giving our senses time to rest a bit before we reenter the whirlpool of torn lives, of shattered dreams, of anguished tears As with all other moods of grief, it will pass Something else—perhaps easier to bear, perhaps harder—will take its place To know this is more than just a stoic acceptance of what is It is to be reminded that there are seasons of grieving—and like a plunge into frost after some balmy days of spring, or like a day of Indian summer, these mini-seasons are not predictable But they will pass, and they have their own inner logic Sometimes the best we can is say, “Okay That’s how it is today What can I that is most compatible with this mood?” and go on about whatever business—or lack of it—the day calls forth As for tomorrow—who knows? Unless I bind it to me, hopelessness doesn’t last forever AUGUST 10 I have come to believe in the “Sacrament of the Moment,” which presupposes trust in the ultimate goodness of my creator —RUTH CASEY We dwell so much on the past when we are grieving—the immediate past—the occasion of death itself, and then the happier days when our loved one was with us in all his or her strength And then we dwell on the future—the deprivation it will be to face those years without our loved one But the present moment is all any of us have—even this present moment, when you are reading these words As you have chosen this moment to read these words, choose another moment and live in its intensity alone, without swerving into either the past or the future You may be surprised at how much lighter you feel, how much freer to appreciate the life that is going on around you To make such a choice is to acknowledge your own inability to repeat the past or to control the future It is also a gesture of trust in a Creator in whose hands are all times and all places This moment is unique in all of my life and I will appreciate it for itself AUGUST 11 The relationships of our life are a system, an interlocking network, and when one element is affected, so are they all The death of a [loved one] will unbalance the whole lot…It is a good time to pay attention, to make these relationships as good as possible If we are buoyed and fed by satisfying relationships now, there is less other-directed energy floating around, trying to attach in unrealistic ways to the one who is gone —MARTHA WHITMORE HICKMAN It is well known that after the loss of a loved one, a person’s resistance to physical illness is often lowered It is also true that such a loss can bring to the surface existing weaknesses in the emotional relationships within the family In a case as extreme as the death of a child, one expert estimates that 75 percent of the marriages in which the death occurs experience serious trouble within a year So we would be well advised to watch for danger signals and, if we sense serious trouble, to seek professional help We have lost enough already—and if we can negotiate the shoals and rapids of this experience, our relationships not only will survive, but will be stronger and richer for what we have been through together In going through this rough time, I will face honestly what other strains it may expose in the fabric of my life, and consider getting help if I need it AUGUST 12 O Great Spirit, Whose voice I hear in the winds, And whose breath gives life to all the world, hear me! I am small and weak, I need your strength and wisdom —NATIVE AMERICAN PRAYER To whom shall we turn in our sorrow? We have many choices, and need different kinds of comfort and reassurance at different times Sometimes we need other people Sometimes we need our own solitude And sometimes the world of nature speaks a healing word Seasons follow upon one another and return—with new leaves, new blossoms Water is drawn up into the sky, becomes clouds, then returns to us as rain and snow to fill our rivers and lakes Stars sprinkle the sky in discernible patterns, though they are light-years away Something is going on here that speaks of a wisdom greater than we know The breath of the Creator is all around us, wrapping us in warmth and life Everything changes; nothing is lost ... WHITMORE HICKMAN It is well known that after the loss of a loved one, a person’s resistance to physical illness is often lowered It is also true that such a loss can bring to the surface existing... own solitude And sometimes the world of nature speaks a healing word Seasons follow upon one another and return—with new leaves, new blossoms Water is drawn up into the sky, becomes clouds, then... of what is It is to be reminded that there are seasons of grieving—and like a plunge into frost after some balmy days of spring, or like a day of Indian summer, these mini-seasons are not predictable