JANUARY When we need these healing times, there is nothing better than a good long walk It is amazing how the rhythmic movements of the feet and legs are so intimately attached to cobweb cleaners in the brain —ANNE WILSON SCHAEF Sometimes it’s the last thing in the world we feel like doing—getting out and being physically active Aside from the effort it takes to get up and move, who cares whether we keep our body in good working order anyway? This is one of the times when thinking has to overcome feeling We know exercise is “good for us.” It’s hard to continue to feel depressed when muscles are working vigorously, when we are paying attention to covering ground or swimming through water As we release physical energy in these rhythmic motions, part of the energy of grief rides away, too Part of the psychic value of such activity, I suspect, is that we are witnessing our own competence, our ability to move rhythmically, to be “in charge” of our bodies Our sense of self-confidence will spread Maybe we won’t be forever captive to grief after all The physical invigoration of exercise invigorates our spirits as well Sometimes when I am feeling down, I am my own worst enemy Let me be my friend JANUARY The best way to know God is to love many things —VINCENT VAN GOGH After a severe loss, it is hard to venture any new love, let alone to nourish wisely the loves that we have We are consumed by our loss What we have to give? And if we venture a new love, what is to protect us from the same thing happening again? Nothing Yet the wisdom of the ages is that the way to find life is to pour our love out on the rest of creation I remember, as a child in the aftermath of my first experience with death, thinking that the best way to shield myself from devastation at the other losses which were bound to occur in life was to love as many people as possible Then when one of them died, I’d still have all those others left to love I don’t know that the geometry of love works quite that way, but it wasn’t bad for starters! To be vulnerable is to be human at the most profound and enriching level JANUARY Regret is an appalling waste of energy You can’t build on it It is only for wallowing in —KATHERINE MANSFIELD Of course there are things we regret Things we wish we’d done differently Even where there has been time to say all the appropriate things, images will flash in our minds that we’d give a lot to be able to change Surely our loved one has forgiven us Can we forgive ourselves? I’m sorry Please know that I loved you I know that you loved me JANUARY Hope is the thing with feathers That perches in the soul And sings the tune without the words And never stops at all —EMILY DICKINSON Sometimes we know hope as much by its absence as by its presence When we’re depressed, hope seems almost unknowable, a total illusion We feel inwardly flattened, unable to move, or as if we are just going through the motions The song of hope of which the poet speaks is muted Yet the will of the spirit, as well as of the body, is for life, even for zestful life Then something happens—a friend calls and we mobilize ourselves, making an effort to be useful, to ourselves or to someone else The energy quickens At least the moment has some meaning again and that persistent note of hope, without which we cannot live, starts thrumming in our minds once more Sometimes all I can hope for is that I’ll feel more hopeful tomorrow JANUARY Something quite unexpected has happened It came this morning early For various reasons, not in themselves at all mysterious, my heart was lighter than it had been for many weeks… And suddenly, at the very moment when, so far, I mourned H least, I remembered her best Indeed it was something (almost) better than memory; an instantaneous, unanswerable impression To say it was like a meeting would be going too far Yet there was that in it which tempts one to use those words It was as though the lifting of the sorrow removed a barrier —C S LEWIS Sometimes we are unconsciously fearful that if we begin to move away from our grief, we will lose what contact we have with the one we miss so much But maybe it is like letting go of one’s children when they are ready to move off on their own If we loosen our grip, the chances of their returning are much greater, and in ways that are commensurate with who they are now Perhaps the relinquishing of our most intense grief makes a space into which a new relationship with the loved one can move It is the person, after all, whom we want, not the grief May I hold my grief lightly in my hand so it can lift away from me My connection to the one I have lost is inviolate; it cannot be broken ... many things —VINCENT VAN GOGH After a severe loss, it is hard to venture any new love, let alone to nourish wisely the loves that we have We are consumed by our loss What we have to give? And... creation I remember, as a child in the aftermath of my first experience with death, thinking that the best way to shield myself from devastation at the other losses which were bound to occur in... grief makes a space into which a new relationship with the loved one can move It is the person, after all, whom we want, not the grief May I hold my grief lightly in my hand so it can lift away