JANUARY …I put down these memorandums of my affections In honor of tenderness, In honor of all of those who have been Conscripted into the brotherhood Of loss… —EDWARD HIRSCH When we are drawn into the brotherhood or sisterhood of loss, tenderness seems to be our natural state We are so vulnerable Everything brushes against the raw wound of our grief, reminding us of what we have lost, triggering memories—a tilt of the head, a laugh, a way of walking, a touch, a particular conversation These images are like beads strung together on the necklace of loss Tenderly, we turn them again and again We cannot bear them We cannot let them go Then, gradually, bit by bit, the binding thread of grief somehow transmutes, reconstitutes itself as a thread of treasured memories—a tilt of the head, a laugh, a way of walking, a touch, a particular conversation as gifts from the life we shared with the one we have lost, gifts that can never be taken away May I honor—and trust—the processes of grief and of healing, knowing that, in time, a new day will come JANUARY The mind has a dumb sense of vast loss—that is all It will take mind and memory months and possibly years to gather the details and thus learn and know the whole extent of the loss —MARK TWAIN In case we are feeling driven to somehow “get done with” our grieving (if I it faster, maybe I will feel better sooner), let us be reminded that, as in many of life’s pro-foundest experiences—making love, eating, and drinking—faster is not necessarily better Perhaps the reassuring thing about grieving is that the process will not be cheated It will take as much time as it needs Our task is to be attentive when the messages of mind and memory come If we let them go by unattended the first time, they will probably cost more in the long run If I can let my resistance down, be calm in my soul, my grief will tell me what it needs from me at each step along the way JANUARY Love the moment, and the energy of that moment will spread beyond all boundaries —CORITA KENT One of the most healing things it is possible to when one is experiencing profound grief is to try to isolate occasional wonderful moments from the stream of time While we may wonder—How can I bear it, all those years ahead without him/her?—we live our lives in moments, hours, days The future will have its aspect of emptiness But if this moment is wonderful—this gathering of dear ones, this walk in the woods, this exchange with a child, this bite of apple, this cup of tea—let’s savor it I once participated in a human relations workshop on setting limits—a task at which I, like many women, am often neither wise nor skilled The exercise was to walk around in the roomful of people, imagining you were enclosed in a transparent globe, the dimensions of which were of your own choosing It was a wonderfully freeing adventure—this imagined moment of being-without-connection Perhaps in just such a way we can try to cherish the good moments of our lives Instead of thinking: Before this I was sad After this I will be sad, we could try: For now, I will be in this moment only and relish its goodness Sometimes the long view is not what I need I need this moment, without hostage to past or future, experienced for itself alone JANUARY It is the nature of grace always to fill spaces that have been empty —GOETHE Not that we can’t tell the difference Not that we are being disloyal But if life gives us something else to with all those impulses toward the one no longer with us, how can we not be grateful? It’s like an extra inheritance—a blessing, even—from the one we have lost, going to someone else who needs what we have to give So we are refreshed by the memory of the loved one, and at the same time offering a gift, creating a new relationship Keep me on the lookout for someone who needs me now ... of those who have been Conscripted into the brotherhood Of loss? ?? —EDWARD HIRSCH When we are drawn into the brotherhood or sisterhood of loss, tenderness seems to be our natural state We are so... I honor—and trust—the processes of grief and of healing, knowing that, in time, a new day will come JANUARY The mind has a dumb sense of vast loss? ??that is all It will take mind and memory months... touch, a particular conversation These images are like beads strung together on the necklace of loss Tenderly, we turn them again and again We cannot bear them We cannot let them go Then, gradually,