A guide to GOOD BUSINESS communication 5th edition

Planning what you are going to say 8 Your Reasons for Writing or Speaking 8 Assembling and Ordering Your Information and Arguments 19 3.. In many cases for example, when anexercise invol

A Guide to

Good

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A Guide to

Good

Business Communication

5th edition

Michael Bennie

How to write and speak English well in every business situation

Published by How To Content,

A division of How To Books Ltd,

Spring Hill House, Spring Hill Road,

Begbroke, Oxford OX5 1RX, United Kingdom

The right of Michael Bennie to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and

Patents Act 1988

© 2009 Michael Bennie

Fifth edition 2009

First published in electronic form 2009

British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

ISBN 978 1 84803 322 1

Produced for How to Books by Deer Park Productions, Tavistock

Typeset by Pantek Arts Ltd, Maidstone, Kent

NOTE: The material contained in this book is set out in good faith for general guidance and no liability can be accepted for loss or expense incurred as a result

of relying in particular circumstances on statements made in this book The laws and regulations are complex and liable to change, and readers should check the current position with the relevant authorities before making personal arrangements

Introduction vii

1 Communicating in business 1

The Functions of Business Communication 1Written and Spoken Communication in Business 2Business and Other Styles of Communication 6

2 Planning what you are going to say 8

Your Reasons for Writing or Speaking 8

Assembling and Ordering Your Information and Arguments 19

3 Laying out documents 29

Incorporating Tables and Charts 44

4 Constructing sentences and paragraphs 54

Building Sentences into Paragraphs 60How Sentences and Paragraphs Affect the Way You Speak 69

5 Good business style 72

7 Common grammatical mistakes 114

9 Spelling and vocabulary 136

Communication is the key to success in any business Whether you are trying to sell aproduct, answer a query or complaint or convince your colleagues to adopt a certaincourse of action, good communication often means the difference between success andfailure At best, imprecise language, clumsy sentences or long-winded ‘waffle’, whether

in speech or writing, will give a poor impression of you or your business; at worst, whatyou are trying to say will be misunderstood or ignored In contrast, clear, precise Englishwill be enjoyable to read or listen to, and is likely to evoke the response you want

This book is written for everyone who wants to develop the skill of good communication

in the workplace – from business students to managers, voluntary workers to ment officials Moreover, because of the globalisation of trade and the use of theInternet, the position of English as the international language of business is stronger thanever I hope, therefore, that those who do not have English as their first language butneed to use it for business communication will also find this a useful guide

govern-The aim is to give you a good grounding in writing and speaking style, which you canthen apply to any situation It shows what is good and bad style, what you should avoidand why What it does not do is provide a set of model documents for particular situa-tions You should think about what you want to say, not just copy someone else’smodels So although you will find a great many examples of documents throughout thebook, they are just that – examples to illustrate particular points and techniques, notmodels to be copied

The book is arranged in such a way as to be easy to use, whether you are following itfrom start to finish or dipping into it It starts with a general discussion of business com-munication and then goes on to planning, layout, construction and style There arechapters on grammar, punctuation and spelling, but I have put them towards the end.This is not because they are unimportant – far from it – but so that you can refer to them

if you need to without them getting in the way of the discussion of style and tion They contain the minimum of theory; the emphasis is on practical application, and

construc-on mistakes to avoid

Throughout the book there are exercises in which you can put the techniques discussedinto practice Answers are provided at the back In many cases (for example, when anexercise involves writing a letter or memo) there will be several possible options,depending on your own personal style, and the samples shown are just suggestions Inother instances, especially when it comes to grammar or spelling, there will clearly beonly one answer, and in these cases that is made clear

As you improve your communication skills, you will find it very satisfying to be able to

express yourself clearly and succinctly, and to get your precise meaning across to your

audience Not only will you have the satisfaction of a job well done, but you will knowthat there is a greater chance that people will react in the way you want them to

All the characters and organisations in the examples and exercises are purely fictional,and any resemblance to real individuals or organisations is purely coincidental

vii

Communicating in business

The Functions of Business Communication

We communicate in business for a number of different reasons, and the methods we usewill depend on the reasons, the circumstances, and perhaps the people with whom weare communicating These are some of the reasons why we may need to communicatewith others in a business setting:

G to pass on information

G to persuade people to buy a product or use a service

G to discuss an issue

G to recommend a course of action

G to make or answer a request

G to make or answer a complaint

G to keep a record of something that has happened or been agreed

G to explain or clarify a situation

G to give an instruction

Clearly, to cover such a variety of situations, you will need to be able to use a range ofdifferent methods and styles Your style and tone are unlikely to be the same if you aremaking a request, for example, as if you are making a complaint You are also morelikely to speak to someone than to write to them if you want to discuss an issue, whereas

a record of something that has happened would need to be in writing

1

Communication

The definition of communication is: The process by which information is exchanged It can take

place in a number of ways:

G through the written word

G through the spoken word

G through pictures and diagrams

G through facial expressions, behaviour and posture

G through non-verbal sounds

In business the most common forms of communication are spoken and written, although visual

forms can play a part, as we shall see in Chapter 3

Written and Spoken Communication in Business

Whether you communicate in writing or orally will depend on the circumstances, and tosome extent on the person or people you are addressing The main reasons for commu-nicating orally are:

memo or e-mail

you do not have to wait for their response However, this can sometimes be a

disadvantage; in some circumstances, a considered response might be better

only applies in face-to-face communication, but it can sometimes be useful to be able

to judge from your audience’s comments, expressions or body language what theythink of what you are saying and perhaps adapt your style or tone accordingly

so if you want to communicate something quickly, it might be better to do so orally

are responding to an oral request, for example, you are likely to do so orally, unlessyour response is so complex that it would be better explained in writing (see below)

The main reasons for communicating in writing are:

even deliberately twisted But if something is in writing (and if it is well written),everyone who reads it will be sure to get the right information It also provides

something to refer to if there is any dispute in the future This is particularly important

if the document constitutes a form of agreement, but it can also be useful in the case

of a complaint

conducted orally, but it can be very useful for a discussion document to be availablebeforehand, setting out the facts of the case and perhaps giving the writer’s own viewsand recommendations This saves time, as it means that the meeting itself can discussthe implications and people’s opinions, instead of having to go over the facts beforeany useful discussion can begin

communication A graph or bar chart, for example, may be a better way of presentingfigures, as you will see in Chapter 3, and it is easier to explain a confused situation inwriting than orally (see Chapter 6)

people the same information (perhaps the date and venue of a meeting), then ane-mail or a circular memo or letter would be quicker and cheaper than speaking toeach person individually

The differences between written and spoken English

There are, of course, significant differences between written and spoken English Let uslook at an example Jane Lee, the Export Manager of John Smith & Sons Ltd, has had ameeting with a prospective agent in South America, Carlos Rodriguez Below is a tran-script of her verbal report on the meeting

Jane Lee: I must say, I had a really good meeting with Mr Rodriguez I think he

might be the man for us He seems to know the market very well, and he already

does business all over South America

Peter Morgan (Managing Director): Which countries exactly?

JL: Argentina, Venezuela, Chile, Colombia, Ecuador and Brazil mainly He knows

the import regulations for the different countries, but I would expect that – we

wouldn’t be considering him if he didn’t! But he also seems to know things like

who matters in each country, how they do business there, how we can avoid

giving offence without knowing it, any problems there may be about payment, all

that kind of thing He is already agent for quite a few companies – Wilson Fabrics,

Richmond Consumer Products and Simon Black Ltd – but they’re all in competition

with us, so it doesn’t matter – sorry, I mean none of them is in competition with us.

Oh by the way, I forgot to mention that he’s based in Argentina, which is our

fastest-expanding market in the area

Sarah Brown (Financial Director): This all sounds too good to be true Will he

accept our usual commission?

JL: Yes, initially, but instead of being paid a fixed percentage, he would want to be

able to negotiate his commission on a sliding scale eventually

James Robinson (Operations Director): Sorry, Jane, what do you mean ‘negotiate

his commission on a sliding scale’?

JL: He would like his percentage commission to rise as our turnover in his territory

increases Now I know what some of you may be thinking – why pay him more

than our other agents? Well, perhaps we should be paying them in the same way

After all, if Rodriguez increases our turnover significantly, then he probably

deserves more.

Now look at what Jane might have written.

On 25 July I met Mr Carlos Rodriguez of Carlos Rodriguez Import SA, Buenos Aires, whohas expressed an interest in becoming our agent in South America I found the meetingboth informative and productive The main points we discussed are as follows

Market penetration He seems to know the South American market well, and he

already does business in many of the countries there, in particular Argentina,

Venezuela, Colombia, Ecuador and Brazil He appears to have a sound knowledge

of the business climate of each country He is based in Argentina, which is our

fastest-expanding market in the area

Existing agencies His existing agencies include Wilson Fabrics, Richmond

Consumer Products and Simon Black Ltd None of these companies is in

competi-tion with us; indeed their products complement ours, and no other agent has as

good a track record as he does

3

Commission The commission arrangements he wants, however, are slightly

differ-ent from our usual ones Although he is prepared to accept our standardcommission initially, he would like the percentage to rise as he increases ourturnover in his territory – the details would have to be negotiated, but that is theprinciple behind his request And as long as the turnover levels at which the newrates would operate are set at a sensible level, I believe the system would work toour advantage – he would have an additional incentive to work hard for us, and ifthe turnover does increase we could afford to pay him more Of course, we mightreceive complaints from some of our other agents if they were to learn that wewere paying him at a higher level, but it would be worth considering giving all ouragents a similar incentive

Can you see the differences between the two versions?

use more words than we need to Even when speaking, we should always try to be asconcise as possible, but it is inevitable, unless we have gone to extremes in planningwhat we want to say, that we will introduce unnecessary and generally meaninglessphrases such as:

– ‘I must say’ – which adds nothing to the sense of the report

– ‘Oh, by the way’ – which means much the same as ‘I forgot to mention’

– ‘Really’ – which is too vague to add anything to the word it goes with (what is thedifference between a good meeting and a really good one?)

These words and phrases do not matter in spoken English – indeed, they give us anopportunity to gather our thoughts, so they serve a useful purpose – but in writingthey look sloppy and add to the length of the document

– ‘A really good meeting’ What does this mean? Was it productive, informative,enjoyable? Was the food good? She could mean any of these things

– ‘All over South America’ In fact, as she indicates in her reply to Peter Morgan’squestion, she means ‘in a number of the major countries’, not ‘all over’

– ‘Things like who matters in each country, how they do business there ’ etc This is

a round about way of saying ‘the business climate’

This vagueness does not matter when you are speaking, because your tone or

gestures will indicate to your audience what you actually mean, or they can ask ifanything is unclear But when you are writing in business you need to be precise.Since your readers cannot ask you to clarify anything that is unclear, they will eithermake their own interpretations, which may be wrong, or ignore points they do notunderstand, which may give them an incomplete picture

speaking you can stop in midstream and correct yourself if you have said somethingwrong, or add in something you have forgotten So Jane says:

– ‘Sorry, I mean’ – when she realises she has said the opposite of what she means.– ‘Oh, by the way, I forgot to mention’ – when something occurs to her that she should

When you are writing you should not have to go back and correct yourself This kind

of afterthought is fine in spoken English, but in written form it gives the document a

disjointed appearance, making it difficult to follow

this is one of the main reasons why you may decide to communicate orally rather than

in writing You can then explain things or amend your presentation accordingly

– When Peter Morgan asks Jane where Rodriguez does business, she clarifies her

vague ‘all over South America’ statement

– In response to Sarah Brown’s scepticism about his willingness to accept the

company’s usual terms, she is quick to point out that he will probably agree to theminitially

– She explains the concept of a sliding scale of commission in response to James

Robinson’s question

– She sees from some people’s reaction that they are still not convinced (‘Now I knowwhat some of you may be thinking’), so she introduces the point about the increase

in turnover

English, unless you are speaking to a close friend, but using the odd colloquialism

makes your speech sound less formal and constrained So Jane says:

– ‘He might be the man for us’

– ‘All that kind of thing’

Colloquialisms are out of place in business documents, however They look lazy, and

they seldom have the precision of meaning that is needed

Remember that, although a certain amount of informality is permissible when speaking,one general rule applies in all business communication, spoken and written: you shouldalways be clear and precise

5

EXERCISE 1

You work in the publicity office of a market town You receive a phone call from Mr LyndonCharles, who is thinking of visiting the town, but who wants to know what attractions you canoffer This is what you say in reply

It really depends on what you’re interested in and when you want to come We’ve got a

very good theatre, which usually has variety shows in summer and plays in winter And

if you’re interested in cultural things, there’s also a good museum and the church is

famous for its carvings And just outside town there’s a medieval castle

Oh, you’ve got young children, have you? Yes they may not be interested in the church

and the museum But they may like the castle, because it’s supposed to be haunted

There’s also a super play park, with a water feature And within fairly easy driving

dis-tance there are two theme parks The play park in town, by the way, is free, but you’d

obviously have to pay at the theme parks Of course, they would also have fun on the

beaches nearby – the nearest is about ten minutes’ drive Yes it’s sandy, not pebbly

And do you like walking? You do? Well the countryside around here is beautiful, and

there are some lovely walks through the woods – and also along the coast, of course,

although there’s a lot of up and down along this stretch of the Coast Path

Mr Charles asks if you can put all this information in writing Write him a letter summarising yourtelephone conversation

Business and Other Styles of

Communication

Not all styles of communication are the same; a style that suits one set of circumstancesmight be totally wrong for another The way you communicate, even the language youuse, will be very different, for example, if you are writing a novel, or e-mailing or speak-ing to a friend, from the style you would adopt for business

Business and literary styles

There are three main differences in style between a business document and a work ofliterature

an atmosphere, giving some background detail If the account of Jane Lee’s meetingwith Carlos Rodriguez were part of a novel, for example, there would almost certainly

be a description of the restaurant where they met, and of Rodriguez himself This kind

of description is out of place in business writing Your readers do not have time toread descriptions which have no real bearing on the subject Where description isnecessary, it should be factual and objective, not flowery and subjective

in the exact words they used – direct speech This is another way of involving the reader.But you would very seldom use direct speech in business writing – it tends to be toolong-winded People want to absorb the information you are giving as quickly and easily

as possible, so give them a summary of what was said, not the actual words

characters’ feelings about others and their surroundings – that is part of the skill oftelling a story So a novel might describe how Jane reacted to Rodriguez on a personallevel, what she thought of the meal, etc These feelings have no place in businesswriting; they simply clutter up the document unnecessarily Your opinions might beimportant, depending on the nature of your document, but your feelings are irrelevant.What this means is that business communication should be as brief and uncluttered aspossible while still getting across the information you want to impart

Business and personal styles

Although business English is much less formal and more conversational than it used to

be, it is still different from the language you might use in personal communication Thereare four main differences

quite acceptable when speaking in a business context, but outright slang is not So, forexample, Jane Lee says of Carlos Rodriguez, ‘He might be the man for us’, which isacceptable, although it is something of a colloquialism In a personal letter, she mighthave said, ‘He’s got what it takes’ or ‘He’s the guy for the job’; neither of these

expressions would be acceptable in business, even when speaking – unless, of course,

G Personal communication is subjective When you are writing or speaking to a friend,

you are talking about what you have been doing and thinking – that is the main reason

for writing So your letter is likely to be full of references to your own actions, feelings

and reactions Therefore in a personal letter or conversation, Jane might say, ‘I could find

it very easy to work with him’, or ‘I was really pleased when he agreed to our terms’, etc.But business communication should be more objective – the only relevance your actions

or feelings have is their impact on your business and the person you are addressing

letters or e-mails, our aim is to give pleasure to the recipient So we might introduce

funny or interesting anecdotes In business correspondence you should not try to

entertain your audience People read business documents to gain information as

quickly and easily as possible; they read other things for pleasure

uncommon for statements in personal letters or conversations to stretch the truth a

little, in order to show someone in a good light, or perhaps to spare the feelings of theaudience Most of us do it at some time: we might say for example, ‘I have left my job’rather than ‘I have been made redundant’ So in a personal letter, Jane might try to

give the impression that she charmed Rodriguez into accepting the company’s usual

commission when in fact he agreed very reluctantly to do so, and only on certain

conditions In business, you should give the facts objectively

7

The Three Rules of Business Communication

Business communication should be:

G clear and precise

G brief and uncluttered

G direct and to the point

EXERCISE 2

Below is the text of an e-mail to a friend about a business trip to Germany What would you need

to change in order to make it acceptable as a brief business report?

I had a fantastic trip to Berlin last week Horst Kuhn, the guy I was doing business with,

was great, and we got on really well He took me to this amazing restaurant one

evening for dinner, and then on to a club, where we met up with some of his friends

The business side went well, too His company is very interested in a joint venture with

us, to supply financial software to banks and other financial institutions across Europe

Horst reckons that with our complementary markets (they do a lot in Eastern Europe,

while we’re particularly strong in Scandinavia, France and Holland) we could clean up if

we joined forces The terms he suggested were a bit tricky (he’s a persuasive guy, and

was trying to get me to agree to them having a 60 per cent share) but I stuck to my

guns and managed to persuade him to ask his Board to consider equal shares

There’s still a lot of work to do, but I think we’ll get a really good deal out of this At the

risk of blowing my own trumpet, I reckon I’m capable of getting our Board to take the

idea seriously

Planning what you are going to say

Whatever the form of your communication, it is important to plan what you are going tosay in advance Of course, when you are speaking your plan cannot be too detailed, asyou do not know how the conversation is going to develop – you should certainly not try

to plan everything you are going to say You have probably come across telesales staffwho have been told exactly what to say in any given circumstances; the conversationbecomes rather stilted and they are at a bit of a loss if it deviates from their script Butyou should nevertheless have a good general idea of what you want to say and how youwill express it And in written communication, you need not spend a great deal of time

on a very routine letter, but even that will need some planning.

There will, of course, be times when you cannot plan ahead – when answering the phone, for example If you are not able to find the information you need immediately,then it might be better to promise to phone the other person back, and then plan whatyou want to say once you have it to hand

tele-It is just possible that you might achieve what you want without proper planning, but it ishighly unlikely, and you would certainly not achieve this every time if you always came

to the subject ‘cold’

Your Reasons for Writing or Speaking

Before you plan what you are going to say, you should ask yourself the following questions:

G Should you be writing or speaking to the person concerned?

G Are you addressing the right person? You can waste a lot of time being passed fromone person in the organisation to another if you address the wrong person initially,and in the case of a written document it could be lost or ignored in the process

Why Plan?

You should plan what you are going to say to ensure that:

G you say everything that has to be said

G the information you give is correct

G your arguments are logically expressed

G you use the right language to suit your purpose

G you are not emotional

Once you have satisfied yourself on these points, you should ask yourself two furtherquestions.

G Should anyone else be aware of what you want to say? All your planning can come tonothing if you do not address everyone who needs the information you are giving

G Do you need a reply? If you do, and you do not let the other person know, you will

have failed to achieve your purpose (See Chapter 3 for more on how to ensure that acorrespondent knows what you expect him or her to do.)

Finally, there are two more questions

G What is your purpose in writing or speaking?

G What do you want to achieve?

Let us look at these two in more detail

What is your purpose?

This might seem an unnecessary question After all, you would not be getting in touchwith the other person if you did not have a reason But it is important to clarify in yourown mind just what your purpose is, and to bear it in mind as you write or speak Look atthe letter below Can you see what is wrong with it?

JAMES LONG & CO Furniture Manufacturers and Suppliers

125 Broadlands Road Valley Industrial Estate Storton ST4 5UV Tel 01234 567890

I was very sorry to see from your letter of 3 December that the legs of one of the occasional

tables supplied to you recently are coming off

I have undertaken a thorough investigation of the problem, and I have discovered what went

wrong It appears that a batch of the fixing brackets we use for that particular range was

faulty Our quality control procedures picked up the fault soon after we took delivery, and

that batch was put to one side for return to the manufacturer

Unfortunately, we have recently taken on a new member of staff, and he mistook the faulty

brackets for the batch that had been laid out for him to use Our quality control procedures

at the end of the production process are only designed to find faults in our own workmanship,assuming that the pre-production checks will have picked up faults in bought-in components

9

As a result of your letter I have changed our procedures, and we now check all our finishedproducts for faults both in our own workmanship and in bought-in components We now alsoensure that any items to be returned to our suppliers are kept well away from the production line.Yours sincerely

Donald Benson

Production Manager

It is a good letter, but it is not suitable for the purpose for which it was written DonaldBenson obviously knew why he was writing to Mrs Brown – to answer her complaint.But he did not have that thought clearly in his mind when he planned his letter Theresult is that he gives a full explanation of how the problem arose, but he does not actu-ally answer her complaint Mrs Brown is not likely to be interested in the details of howher table came to be faulty What she wants to know is what the company is going to doabout it – and Donald does not tell her

Only by keeping in mind why you are writing or speaking to someone can you be sure

that what you say is relevant both to the subject matter and to the person you areaddressing What Donald says is relevant to the subject, but not to the person He shouldhave kept the explanation to the minimum, apologised for the error and offered someremedy This underlines the importance of planning when you are about to speak tosomeone; it can be very easy to be side-tracked, and to forget your purpose

This is not to say that the sort of detail Donald gives here would never be appropriate If hehad been asked by the Managing Director to explain how the table came to be faulty andhow he intended to ensure that a similar problem did not occur again, he might have senthim a memo or e-mail exactly along the lines of the last three paragraphs of his letter Inthis case, his purpose would be to explain the problem and his solution, so the detail would

be extremely relevant, both to the subject and to the person he is addressing

It is easier to plan what you are going to say if you only have one purpose You can trate on getting your content, style, tone and wording right for that purpose But there will

concen-be times – usually when writing letters, but occasionally when speaking on the telephone –when you might have to cover two subjects in the same document or conversation Youmight, for example, need to explain a change in distribution arrangements to a customer,but also to chase an overdue payment It would be silly to write two letters or make twocalls, so you would cover both subjects in one The best way to handle this situation is toseparate the two subjects, and to deal completely with one before introducing the other.There will need to be some device to link the two subjects, but otherwise they are bestplanned separately The letter below shows how this is done The two subjects are dealtwith in two separate sections, separately planned, and linked with the phrase ‘While I amwriting’ Exactly the same principle applies to a conversation: you should plan the two sub-jects separately, then deal with one (including any queries that arise) before moving on tothe next, linking the two with a phrase like ‘While I am on the phone’

The first change is in our own internal systems We are now able to turn your orders around

on the day they are received, so that the goods are ready for despatch the following morning.The second is in our carriers We will be using XYZ Haulage Ltd, who offer a guaranteed

24-hour delivery service The combination of these two changes means that you should in

future receive delivery of your goods no later than 48 hours after we receive your order

While I am writing, perhaps I could mention that there is an amount of £156.79 overdue on

your account We do not appear to have received payment of our invoice No 09876 of 20

January As you know, our terms are 30 days from the date of invoice, so this payment is

now well overdue I would be grateful if you would let me have your cheque for this amount

by return of post

Yours sincerely

Michael Milton

Sales Manager

What do you want to achieve?

Do not confuse your purpose with what you want to achieve; the two are related but ferent For example, Donald Benson wrote to Mrs Brown to answer her complaint – thatwas his purpose, although as we have seen the letter he wrote was not right for that pur-pose What he wanted to achieve was to satisfy her, and to make her feel better aboutthe company So your purpose will dictate what goes into your letter, while the outcomeyou want will dictate the style and tone you use

dif-So in addition to keeping your purpose in mind while you are planning what you aregoing to say, you should also keep in mind what you want to achieve Look at the e-mailbelow sent by a company’s Accountant to the Purchase Ledger Clerk

To: Brian Carter

From: Sandra Jones

Subject: Payment of invoices

The Purchasing Manager has complained to me that he is unable to maintain reasonablestocks of many items because we are constantly being put on stop by one supplier oranother This in turn is having an adverse effect on sales This complaint has put me in anextremely embarrassing position, as I have been criticising the Sales Department inmanagement meetings for their poor performance

There is absolutely no excuse for holding up payments, especially to major suppliers.Your instructions are to pay all invoices as soon as they are cleared This you have clearlyfailed to do on a number of occasions, and I want to know why, and what you intend to do

to ensure that it does not happen again Please give me a report on the situation byThursday

Sandra Jones is quite clear about the purpose of her e-mail: to get Brian Carter to seewhy the company is so slow in paying its accounts But is she as clear about what shewants to achieve and how to achieve it? What she wants to achieve is to get to thebottom of the problem and ensure that the process is speeded up But will this memoachieve that aim? Below is an alternative version of the same e-mail

To: Brian Carter

From: Sandra Jones

Subject: Payment of invoices

The Purchasing Manager has complained to me that he is unable to maintain reasonablestocks of many items because we are constantly being put on stop by one supplier oranother This in turn is having an adverse effect on sales

Something is obviously going wrong with our payment system, because as you know weshould be paying invoices as soon as they are cleared The problem may be that they are

Your Purpose and What You Want to Achieve

Here are some examples to illustrate the difference between the purpose of your communicationand what you want to achieve

G The purpose of a sales letter is to tell people about your product or service What you want toachieve is a sale

G The purpose of a complaining telephone call is to point out an error or fault What you want toachieve is the correction of that error or fault, or else compensation

G The purpose of a credit control letter is to chase an overdue account What you want toachieve is payment

G The purpose of a report on the advantages and disadvantages of different work practices is toinform the decision-makers of the options available What you want to achieve is acceptance

of the most efficient option

Could you look into the problem for me, and find out what has gone wrong? I would like

to discuss your conclusions, together with any suggestions you have for improving the

situation, on Thursday

If you were Brian Carter, which e-mail would you prefer to receive? Which would bemore likely to make you conduct a thorough investigation, and which would simply putyou on the defensive? Apart from its obvious rudeness (and as we shall see, rudenesswill very seldom achieve the objective you want), the first is less likely to achieveSandra’s aim for the following reasons

G The first e-mail makes an accusation, so that Brian is likely to act defensively and lookfor excuses rather than explanations The second is not accusatory, so that even if

Brian finds that he is at fault, he is unlikely to be afraid to admit it

G The first assumes that the fault lies within Brian’s area of responsibility, so he might

look no further in his investigations The second does not make this assumption, so he

is encouraged to look at all the stages an invoice goes through, including

authorisation, for example, resulting in a more thorough investigation

G The first gives him an order, so that his reaction might be to do just as much as is

required to satisfy Sandra and get him out of trouble and no more The second inviteshis co-operation so that, as the person closest to the payment system, he is

encouraged to come up with recommendations for improving it

Getting the Right Reaction

Who is your audience?

The first step towards achieving the outcome you want is to get to know your audience.The style, the tone, even the content of your communication will depend very much onwho you are addressing First, your audience can be categorised according to theirknowledge of your business

G There are people who will know very little, such as members of the public for example

G There are those who will know something about the business you are in, but not aboutyour particular organisation, such as your customers

G There are those who will not only know about the business you are in, but also about

your organisation, such as your colleagues or an agent

The way you write or speak, and in particular the language you use, will depend on which

of these categories your audience falls into With someone who knows nothing about

EXERCISE 3

Look again at the letter from Donald Benson to Mrs Brown on pages 9–10 Rewrite it, bearing inmind both Donald’s purpose in writing, and what he should have wanted to achieve

your business or your organisation, you would want to use everyday language that a layperson will understand With someone who knows something about the business gener-ally but not about your organisation, you might use some jargon that is specific to thatarea, but not words and phrases that have a specific meaning only in your organisation.And with someone who knows both the business and your organisation, you are likely touse both general business terms and jargon that is specific to your organisation.

But it is not just a question of categorising your audience according to how much theyknow about your business There are other factors to be taken into account if you are tosuit your communication to your audience To help you gain a better understanding ofthe people you will be addressing, ask yourself the following questions:

G Do they know anything about the subject you will be speaking or writing about, or arethere ideas or technical terms that will need explaining?

G What is your relationship with them? Is it formal or informal?

G Are they expecting to hear from you? If not, will they be interested in what you have

to say?

G What do they believe is important? For example, if you are presenting a report

suggesting that your organisation sets up a staff social club, you should not simply sayhow good it would be for staff morale if the person to whom you are addressing it ismore concerned with profit margins than staff morale You would be better off

pointing out how cheap it would be to do, and then suggesting that the improvement

in staff morale could bring a further improvement in commitment and productivity

G What are they likely to agree to readily, and what will they need to be persuadedabout? This will affect the order in which you present your points, and the space youdevote to them

EXERCISE 4

You are a publisher Below are three ways of reporting that a book is no longer available

1 Practical Goosekeeping is now reporting O/P We are considering either a reprint or a new

edi-tion, but we cannot make a decision until we have a pre-production costings and proposalform In the meantime we are recording dues

2 I am afraid that Practical Goosekeeping is out of stock at present, although we are considering

reprinting it I shall keep your order on file, and let you know the position as soon as we havemade a decision

3 I am afraid that Practical Goosekeeping is currently out of print A reprint or new edition is

under consideration, and we are therefore recording your order on our dues file

Which would you use for the following types of correspondent?

(a) a member of the public

(b) a bookseller

(c) one of your colleagues

Once you know what your audience is like, keep that in mind as you plan what you aregoing to say Try to see what you are going to say from their point of view.

Choose the right language

Once you know your audience, you can decide what sort of language you need to use.Should it be technical or non-technical, formal or informal, simple or complex?

The examples given in Exercise 4 show how the degree of ‘technicality’ can vary according

to the audience you are addressing There are similar variations in the degree of informalityyou can introduce Look at the letter below

SQUIRES AND CORNISH

3 The Square Marchester MA1 9YZ Tel: 01345 678901

companies in Scandinavia, the Netherlands, Belgium and Germany

Indeed, our business is expanding to such an extent that we are planning to take on more

representatives in the near future In looking for new companies to act for, we were very

interested to see the variety of products you offer; it appears to us that your range could

complement those we currently represent I also notice that you do not appear to have any

sales representation in these important markets, and I believe that we could substantially

increase your sales there

15

Deciding How to Address Your Audience

G How technical can you be – how much do the people you are addressing know about thebusiness you are in and your organisation?

G Will you need to explain any terms?

G Should you use formal or informal language?

G Will your audience be interested in what you have to say, or will you have to engage theirinterest?

G What is important to them?

G What expressions or phrases are likely to appeal to them and make them take notice?

I would be happy to travel to London to meet you and discuss terms if you would like to pursuethe matter further I can, of course, provide suitable references should you require them.Yours sincerely

Julia Squires

Senior Partner

This is a formal letter, using formal language, which suits the audience Julia Squiresdoes not know Marian Matthews and her letter is a formal application Despite the cur-rent trend towards more informality in business usage, this is an instance when a certaindegree of formality is called for

Now look at the following letter

ACME ADVERTISING

35 Albany Street Queenstown QT5 6XY

Many thanks for the lunch on Tuesday It was, as usual, a most enjoyable meal

I have done a rough costing on the brochure we discussed I will, of course, send you theformal estimate when our financial people have completed it, but my first reaction is that weshould be able to meet your needs within the budget you have set, with one proviso As I saidover lunch, a company like yours needs to project an upmarket image, and that calls for ahigh-quality production So rather than producing a 16-page brochure and having to compromise

on quality I would suggest doing eight pages, highly illustrated, on quality art paper Ofcourse, there is another alternative – you could increase your budget!

I will be in touch with the formal estimate shortly, but I felt you might want to know mythoughts before your board meeting on Monday

With kind regards

Yours sincerely

This is a very different kind of communication The language Fiona uses would not beappropriate for Julia’s letter, but it just right for the kind of communication it is – an infor-mal letter to someone she obviously knows well, with whom she has just had lunch, andwith whom she enjoys a good business relationship Can you notice the differences?

G Julia uses expressions like:

– indeed

– pursue the matter further

– should you decide

G Fiona says things like:

– many thanks (rather than ‘thank you very much’)

– our financial people (rather than ‘our Accounts Department’)

– I felt you might want to know my thoughts (rather than ‘I thought I would give you aprovisional estimate’)

Simple expressions like these can give your communication a completely different tone.The nature of your audience will also dictate how simple your language should be.Business English should never be over-complicated, but you can sometimes introducefairly complex concepts if you feel that your audience will be able to understand them.Imagine that you are giving a presentation to your colleagues on the possibility of devel-oping a new market in an imaginary country In your assessment of the country, youmight include a passage like the following:

There are a lot of risks in trying to open up a market in Sulanesia In the first place,

as this graph indicates, it has a monocultural economy In 20XX/Y bananas made

up 85% of the country’s official exports They also account for a large proportion of

its Gross National Product – I can’t give you the precise percentage, because a lot

of economic activity takes place in the informal sector So it’s very vulnerable to

fluctuations in world prices

It’s also very unstable politically There have been five coups, two coup attempts and

one so-called ‘palace revolution’ in the last ten years, and the present president’s

position is looking increasingly shaky

In talking like this, you would be assuming quite a good knowledge of current affairs andeconomic terminology among your audience Only someone well versed in world affairswould understand concepts such as ‘monocultural economy’, ‘Gross National Product’,

‘the informal sector’ and ‘palace revolution’

If you were unsure of your colleagues’ level of understanding of such terms, you wouldhave to find other ways of explaining these ideas However, it is unwise to talk down tooobviously to your audience If you are not sure whether they will understand a particularpoint or phrase, you can get round the difficulty by explaining it, but prefacing yourexplanation with something like ‘As you will know’ or ‘I am sure you’re aware’ In thatway, those who are aware will not feel that you are insulting their intelligence, and thosewho are not still have the concepts explained

Whatever language you decide is appropriate for your audience, there are two things

you should never do, in any circumstances.

17

G You should never be rude or abrupt Even if you are making a complaint, make it

politely Even a final demand for payment can be expressed in courteous terms Somemanagers seem to think that memos and e-mails to junior colleagues do not matter,and that they can be as rude as they like This was obviously Sandra Jones’s viewwhen she wrote the e-mail on page 12 But rudeness is not only bad manners; it willnot get the reaction you want

facts and reasoned arguments, not emotional outbursts Of course, you may feel angryabout something, but if possible wait until your anger has cooled before you write orspeak – and if you have to react immediately to something the other person says, thentake a deep breath and try to calm down before responding!

Checking your facts

As we saw in Chapter 1, it is important that your business communications should be cise This precision applies not only to their meaning, but also to their content Do ensurethat your facts are accurate, and that you do not leave out any relevant information

pre-It is sloppy to provide inaccurate information, and it will reflect badly on you But it canalso cause other problems Look at the e-mail below, sent by a company’s SystemsDirector to his colleagues

To: All Directors

From: Alan Walters

Subject: New Appointment

I have been concerned for some time that we are not getting the most out of our computersystems This is no reflection on the staff in my department, all of whom work extremelyhard It is simply that we do not have the number of properly trained staff we need if weare to serve other departments well

Departments are currently having to wait up to six months for any new development

in their systems The Production Department, for example, wanted a very minor

modification to the program for producing cost prices but had to wait four monthsbecause my staff were too busy to make the necessary changes earlier And when wefinally got round to producing the program the Accounts Department wanted to enable it

to produce more sophisticated analyses of sales and costs, it needed a great deal ofdebugging, because I had to allocate it to someone who did not have the right knowledge;

EXERCISE 5

Below is an extract from a sales letter about a range of soft furnishings What kind of audience

do you think it is aimed at, and how would you change it to suit a different audience?

Fanfare Style is pleased to introduce the latest collection to emerge from their studios – an original range

of soft furnishings that will add a touch of elegance to any room There are stylish designs to suit any

decor, in a variety of fabrics

involved in another, more urgent, project And of course the time I had to spend

debugging the program could have been spent on other, more productive work

These are just two of the most recent problems caused by the lack of staff, and both of

them have, I understand, caused a number of difficulties for the departments concerned,and a loss of efficiency all round

I therefore think that we should, as a matter of urgency, make a new appointment to the

Systems Department, that of Project Leader He or she would report to the Systems

Manager, and would be responsible for new development work I would like to discuss

this at our next meeting

It is fine as it stands, providing that all the information is correct But let us assume thatAlan got the projects confused, and that it was another program that needed debugging– the Accounts Department program had only just been completed, so he did not knowwhether it needed debugging or not People reading the e-mail who were aware of this(the Financial Director, for example) might well become suspicious of the other argu-ments Alan puts forward He would begin to lose credibility; his reasons for taking on aproject leader would still be valid, but he would have more difficulty in convincing theother directors

Ensure also that you have all the relevant facts You can construct a most convincing

argument if you are selective in the information you use, but it can be completelydestroyed by someone who has all the facts For example, Alan’s argument in favour ofemploying a project leader would be considerably weakened if one of his colleagueswere to point out that the current rate of new development is a short-term phenomenon,while the company brings its systems up to date In that case, the Board could quitelegitimately argue that a better alternative would be to hire a consultant for a few months

to cope with the extra work

Assembling and Ordering Your

Information and Arguments

Now you are ready to start the actual planning process, and this involves assemblingyour information, working out the most logical way of presenting it and deciding howyou are going to express it

19

Planning Your Communication

The stages you need to go through in planning what you are going to say are:

G Assemble your information and the arguments you are going to use in presenting your case

G Write an outline of what you are going to say

G Organise the outline into a logical order, so that you move naturally from one point to the next

G If you are preparing a written document, compile your first draft

G Edit this draft into the final version

Of course, not all business communications need the same amount of attention If youwere writing a short, fairly simple e-mail, you would not go through the processes indetail, although you would be well advised to skip through them mentally And if youwere preparing for a telephone call or a meeting, then you should not write out exactlywhat you were going to say, as that would make your conversation sound very false, butyou should at least prepare an outline of the main points you wanted to make, and theorder in which you wanted to raise them On the other hand, if you were compiling along report or a presentation, you would be foolish not to devote a lot of time and atten-tion to your preparation.

Assembling your information

Do collect all the information you need before you write your document, go to yourmeeting or make your telephone call If you are answering a complaint or enquiry, do

you have the answers to all the points raised? If you are writing a report, have you sidered all the arguments before reaching your conclusion? If you are making an enquiry, do you know exactly what you are trying to find out? You must make your pur-

con-pose in writing or speaking quite clear, and if there is likely to be any confusion, it is best

to communicate in writing; as we have seen, a conversation can be misunderstood

When you have all the information you need, you can start marshalling your argumentsand the points you want to make You must present what you want to say in a logical,coherent way, otherwise you will either lose your audience through boredom or misun-derstanding, or not make your point effectively There are two ways of making aconvincing point, both equally valid:

conclusion – deducing the answer For example, an employee of a furniture

manufacturer might want to make a case for changing their timber supplier Their

EXERCISE 6

Below is a memo regarding the introduction of new working practices in an office What do youthink is wrong with it? How would you rewrite it to make it clearer?

From: Satish Chaudri, Managing Director

To: All department managers

Date: 3 April 20XX

WORK BREAKS

A number of people have commented on the fact that staff seem to be away from theirdesks rather a lot I am not against people taking breaks in principle – after all weshould be able to trust our staff to get their work done without having to watch themall the time But we cannot just allow people to wander off whenever they wish – we doneed to keep some check on the amount they work, don’t we? Of course, if we try torestrict their breaks, there might be some opposition, and it could affect staff morale.But do you think we might consider some system where people ask permission beforeleaving their workstations? And of course we need to consider what the union’s

attitude would be Please let me have a report on the situation as you see it

Whenever our machines are left idle, we lose money Continuity of

production is vital to our business, and this depends on a guaranteed supply

of raw materials Our present supplier is unable to guarantee supplies of the

woods we need, and has let us down on several occasions We therefore

cannot guarantee continuity of production

This passage contains two statements on which the whole argument rests – the

premises: ‘continuity of production depends on a guaranteed supply of raw materials’

and ‘our present supplier cannot guarantee supplies’ By a process of deduction the

writer concludes that ‘we cannot guarantee continuity of production’ And if both the

premises are true, then the argument cannot be faulted

But beware of false deductions Look at the following extract:

Continuity of production depends on a guaranteed supply of raw materials

The new supplier can guarantee supplies With the new supplier, therefore,

we will be able to guarantee continuity of production

This is a false deduction, because a guaranteed supply is only one of the factors

necessary for continuity of production

You can see the difference between these two arguments if you change the first

premise to read ‘Continuity of production depends, amongst other things, on a

guaranteed supply of raw materials.’ In the first argument, the second premise (‘The

supplier is unable to guarantee supplies’) nullifies one of the ‘things’ on which

continuity depends, so the whole continuity is nullified In the second argument, the

second premise (‘The new supplier can guarantee supplies’) confirms one of the

‘things’ but not all of them Unless the others are also confirmed, the continuity cannot

be confirmed

investigation Unlike a conclusion arrived at by deduction, one arrived at by induction

cannot usually be proved beyond any doubt But you should be able to show that:

– the conclusion is reasonable given the information at your disposal

– your knowledge or experience covers a wide area or sample

– the sample on which you are basing your conclusion is typical of the circumstances,people, areas, etc of the whole group

For example, a report on a company’s sales force might include the following:

Our sales this year are down by 10 per cent on last year, and I believe the

reason is that the sales force is not working as efficiently as it should I have

examined the records of a sample of ten representatives, and in each case I

found deficiencies

This is argument by induction The writer’s conclusion, that the sales force is not

working as efficiently as it should, is based on the information gained during their

investigation It cannot be proved beyond any doubt, but it is a valid assumption to

make, given the results of the investigation

But it is only valid if it fulfils the criteria listed above What if the drop in sales was the

result of production difficulties, not a drop in orders – in other words, the company

had the orders but was unable to fulfil them? In that case the conclusion would not bereasonable given the information available, and would not satisfy the first criterion

And if the sales force consisted of 40 representatives, then the records of only ten of

them would not be a large enough sample, so the conclusion would not satisfy the

21

second criterion If there were only 20, then ten would be a reasonable sample But ifthe ten chosen were the ones with the worst records, then they would not be typical,and the conclusion would not satisfy the third conclusion.

So whether you are arguing by deduction or induction, it is very easy to be led intomaking false conclusions And if your audience picks up on the fact that one of your con-clusions is false, it will at best weaken your argument and at worst destroy it

Writing an outline of what you are going to say

There are three main ways of writing an outline It does not matter which you use – youmight even combine techniques Try them out and see which suits you best The threemethods are:

an outline, but has become less popular recently, as it is not easy to do on a computer

It involves doing a rough diagram, with the main idea in the centre and ideas forsections or paragraphs coming off it It is rather like brainstorming – one idea leads toanother Then you can order your points in a logical sequence, as suggested below

simply involves making a list of the points you want to make, in no particular order Donot try to combine two points on the same line – it only complicates the next stage Ifyou want to be sophisticated, you can use a different-coloured pen to write particularlyimportant points, or you can use a highlighter The main thing is to list anything youthink might be relevant – you can always leave something out later if you decide it isnot important enough, or does not fit in Then you can order your points in a logicalsequence simply by numbering them Below is an example of a list outline for a lettergiving a customer a quotation

Samples of different fabrics enclosed

10% off all orders to the end of March

Each design specific to us

Design 41 available in blue or green

Design 53 available in grey/blue or brown/beige

Design 62 available in red only

Design 67 available in black/white or blue/white

All designs the same price

Prices: £10 per metre up to 50 metres

£9 per metre 50–100 metres

£7.50 per metre over 100 metresOver 200 metres, prices negotiable

Terms 30 days from date of delivery

Design 18 no longer available

Prices include carriage

usually recommend Some people do prefer it, however, so you might want to try it Itinvolves writing down everything that comes to you, without stopping but alwaysbearing in mind your aim and your audience Put everything down that you can think of,

cannot think of the right word, leave a blank space or use a less suitable word but mark

it If you need to check any facts, mark them too, and go back Then go through what

you have written, highlighting what is important and deleting anything that should, on

second thoughts, be left out Then rearrange the text into a logical order

Making your points flow logically

It is very important that you sort your points into a logical order Unless you present yourarguments in such a way that your audience is led easily from one point to the next, youwill not be communicating effectively

Deciding which is the best order for your purposes depends on what you want to say Insome cases, only one order is suitable, but in others you may be able to choose one oftwo or three options You need to think carefully about which one suits the subject, theaudience and the outcome you want to achieve

If you are writing about a complex sequence of events (or speaking about them,although it can be very difficult to make a complex point orally), then a chronologicalapproach is almost certainly going to be the best Look at the letter below

J PETERSON & CO Paper Merchants

14 Union Road Kingston Magna Barsetshire BZ21 0YX Tel 01902 134567

I am extremely concerned about our order No 456239 of 18 January for 20 laptop computers

You may recall that we asked for delivery on 31 January

23

Achieving a Logical Sequence

There are five ways of assembling your points so that they flow logically:

G in chronological order

G building up an argument by deduction, induction or both

G in the same order as the document to which you are replying

G in ascending order of importance

G in descending order of importance

On 7 February I had to chase you because the machines had not been delivered as requested.

On 20 February, nearly three weeks after our requested delivery date, the machines weredelivered Unfortunately, only 15 of them had all the software we requested installed onthem All the others had something missing I therefore telephoned you on 21 February andcomplained You promised to send another five laptops with the correct software, and collectthe others

On 4 March we had still not received the replacement laptops, so I telephoned you and askedyou to deliver them as soon as possible

On 11 March the replacement machines were delivered, but two of them proved to be faulty Itherefore telephoned you on 13 March, and you promised to send an engineer to check them

He had not arrived by 22 March, so I telephoned again This time you said you would sendtwo replacement machines and collect the faulty ones

On 29 March, when they had not arrived, I chased again, and was told by your secretarythat they were on the way They have still not arrived

We have been waiting almost three months now for our order to be fulfilled correctly I would begrateful if you could telephone me within the next two days to tell me what you are going to doabout the situation In view of the delay, and the effect on our business, I would also like todiscuss the question of compensation

Yours sincerely

Emma Porter

Systems Manager

By setting out her points in this way, Emma makes it quite clear just how badly Clark &

Co have treated her You can follow the sequence of events, and you can see why tain actions were taken at certain times If she were to try to present her points in order

cer-of importance, it would not have the same impact – indeed, it would probably simplymuddy the waters And you can see that she really needs to make a written complaint inorder to convey the full extent of Clark & Co.’s faults – Roy Thompson would not be able

to absorb all the information if she had just telephoned him

If you are trying to persuade someone to take a certain course of action, then it is usuallybest to try to build up an argument Look at the memo below

Date: 24 January 20XX

To: All Directors

From: Ken Jameson

Re: Appointment of an Administration Manager

We have now reduced the applicants for the above post to a shortlist of three I haveinterviewed all three and they have gone through an assessment centre All three are

Judy Pearce has had a great deal of experience of managing people, as well as some

administrative experience From my interview and the assessment results, she appears to

be a dominant personality, with firm ideas of how she would run the department She

tends to ‘lead from the front’ She does not suffer fools gladly, but is very conscientious

I would expect her to ask a lot of her staff, but no more than she is prepared to do herself.Hassan Ahmed has little experience of managing people, but he has a very sound

knowledge of administrative practices, and is well informed about the latest

developments in the field He shows every sign of being able to develop the requisite

‘people management’ skills and would probably become a very committed manager,

leading by example and by his knowledge of the subject

Michael Hopwood has had a great deal of experience in managing a large department, andhas the necessary skills in that area He has no direct administrative knowledge, although

he is currently on a course to acquire some He appears to believe in a more ‘democratic’style of management than the other two, involving his whole department in decisions thatconcern them His assessment report indicates, however, that he is not afraid to assert hisauthority when the need arises

All three candidates therefore have strengths and weaknesses We obviously need a

manager who can motivate the department We also need to take into account the presentsituation, both in the department and in the organisation as a whole The staff in the

department are of a very high calibre, and are prepared to commit themselves fully to thejob The organisation as a whole is committed to the greater involvement of staff in the

decision-making process Administrative skills can be learned, but the right approach to

staff management is something which to a large extent cannot be taught I believe that

Michael Hopwood has the right management approach as well as the ability to learn the

administrative skills I therefore recommend that he be appointed to the post

Ken Jameson presents his assessments of the candidates, arrived at by a process ofinduction He then argues, by deduction, for the candidate of his choice Clearly achronological sequence would not be appropriate; there is really no chronology tofollow And presenting his points in order of importance would also be difficult, andwould not be persuasive

Presenting your points in ascending order of importance enables you to build up to themost important item, setting the scene or whetting the person’s appetite Presentingthem in descending order makes an impact right at the start, so that you gain your audi-ence’s attention Try numbering the list outline on page 22 in both ascending anddescending order of importance and you will see the different effect each method has

If you are replying to a letter, e-mail or telephone call, it might be best to follow the order

in which the other person presented their points Then you can be sure that you have

responded to everything However, this might not be the best way if you are introducingnew points not referred to in the original letter or call

Making your first draft

If you are planning an oral communication, particularly if it is relatively simple, you mightstop at this point However, if you are working on a long presentation it might be better

25

to draft out what you are going to say, and if you are planning a written document then it

is essential that you do so

Writing a draft involves organising your points into sentences and paragraphs that flow(see Chapter 4 for more on this), and tightening up your construction and points ofgrammar Try to be as precise and to the point as possible, even at this stage; it willmake the editing easier later on Below is an example of a draft letter, based on the listoutline shown above, with the points organised in ascending order of importance

Dear Mr Carter

Thank you for your letter of 12 November enquiring about our fabrics and asking for a

quotation I enclose herewith samples of the different fabrics you asked for, which will giveyou an idea of the different designs Each of the designs are unique to our range

Colour availability is as follows: Design 41 is available in blue and green, Design 53 is

available in grey and blue and brown and beige, Design 62 is available in red, and Design 67

is available in black and white and blue and white Design 18, which you also asked about, is

no longer available It has gone out of fashion and been replaced by more up-to-date designs.All the designs are the same price, and our price structure is as follows:

Up to 50 metres – £10.00 per metre

50–100 metres – £9.00 per metre

Over 100 metres – £7.50 per metre

For any order over 200 metres, the price is subject to negotiation Prices include carriage fordelivery, and there is an additional 10 per cent off all orders, provided they are received byourselves before the end of January Our payment terms are 30 days from date of delivery.Yours sincerely

There is some work to do, as we shall see in the next section, but it is taking shape the

EXERCISE 7

How would you order the following types of document or conversation?

1 A telephone call replying to a letter of complaint from a client

2 A report on possible changes to your organisation’s internal systems

3 A sales letter

4 A letter in response to a request for a quotation

5 A presentation on the programme for a conference

Editing your draft

Now your document must be ‘polished’ You are unlikely to go through this process forany oral communication, otherwise it will sound as though you are reading from a script(which in a sense you will be doing), but for written documents it is essential

Check your draft to ensure that it says everything that needs saying, but no more, and that itsays it as concisely as possible Editing is quite an art; you can practise your skills on some

of the letters, memos, e-mails and reports that you receive – can you improve on them?

Below is the final letter based on the draft above Can you see what has been changed,and why?

MASTERS & CO Fabric and Furnishings Masters House, Latherham, YZ23 4WX Tel 01456 789012 Fax 014546 901278

Thank you for your enquiry of 12 November I enclose samples of the different fabrics you

asked for Each of the designs shown is unique to our range

27

A Checklist for Editing

G Is your document polite and unemotional?

G Are there any unnecessary words or phrases? If you are not sure try leaving certain phrasesout – does this affect the sense of what you are saying?

G How would you react if you were receiving it? Is that the reaction you want from your audience?

G Do you assume too much knowledge on the part of your reader?

G Is it clear, or is anything ambiguous?

G If it needs a reply, do you say so? Should you set a time by which you expect to hear fromyour correspondent?

G Is it likely to achieve the result you want?

G Have you included everything your reader needs to know?

G Have you included anything that is irrelevant to your aim or your audience?

G Is the information logically presented?

G If you are presenting an argument, have you thought of all the counter-arguments?



The designs are available in the following colours: Design 41 in blue or green; Design 53 in greyand blue or brown and beige; Design 42 in red only; and Design 67 in black and white or blueand white I am afraid that Design 18 is no longer available.

All the designs are the same price, and our prices are as follows:

Up to 50 metres – £10.00 per metre

50–100 metres – £9.00 per metre

Over 100 metres – £7.50 per metre

For orders over 200 metres, the price is subject to negotiation All these prices includecarriage Our payment terms are 30 days from date of delivery

We are giving an additional 10 per cent discount on all orders received before the end ofJanuary, so if you would like to place an order, why not do so soon and take advantage ofthis offer?

If you would like further information, please do not hesitate to contact me

second paragraph easier to follow

G He has edited out unnecessary words and phrases like ‘which will give you an idea ofthe different designs’ in the first paragraph, and ‘for delivery’ at the end (carriagemeans delivery)

G He has changed the wording in the first sentence and in the sentence about extradiscount, to reduce the number of words in each

G He has changed the wording and layout of the second paragraph to avoid ambiguity(the way it was expressed in the draft, it was not clear, for example, whether Design 41was available in both blue and grey, or in a combination of blue and grey)

G He has cut out the explanation for the non-availability of Design 18 It is not reallynecessary for the customer to know why it has been withdrawn The explanation as itstands could be interpreted as insulting – suggesting that the customer is out of touchwith fashion

G He has put the sentence about the extra discount at the beginning of a new paragraph togive it more emphasis He has also made the ending rather more friendly and encouraging

Laying out documents

The way you lay out any documents you write (including e-mails) can help or hinderyour readers’ understanding of what you are trying to say A poorly laid out communica-tion will usually be difficult to follow, but by giving a little thought to its appearance, even

if the basic words and structures are the same, you can actually make it easier to read

Poor layout can also reflect badly on you Although business communication is ing more informal, there are still certain right ways of doing things; if you do not followthem, the work will look slipshod and unprofessional to others

becom-Letters

Letters are perhaps the most important communications to get right because they cially represent your company or organisation to the outside world Sloppy layoutreflects badly not only on you but also on the organisation you represent

offi-Ordering Your Letter

There can be up to six elements to a business letter, and this is the order in which they shouldappear:

1 The date This is now almost always shown, in British English, as 23 October 20XX One still

occasionally sees 23rd October 20XX, but that is now much less common In the USA themonth comes before the date – October 23rd 20XX

2 Your reference It is not essential to include a reference, but it may help you to retrieve a letter

from your filing system It often comprises the initials of the writer and perhaps those of theperson who typed the letter, plus a file or account number, for example TRM/HGS/83/4

3 Your correspondent’s reference You should always quote it if they have used one.

4 The inside address This is the name and address of the person to whom the letter is being

sent It is important, because if you do not put it in it will be difficult to remember later whothe letter was sent to It is also so much part of the convention of business letter writing thatofficial letters that do not have an inside address look unprofessional

5 The letter itself.

6 Any notes about enclosures or copies Although it is not essential, it is useful to indicate at

the bottom of your letter whether you are enclosing anything with it, and whether any copiesare going to other people The usual abbreviations are:

– Enc This means that the recipient should expect to find an enclosure

– cc, followed by someone’s name This stands for ‘carbon copy’ and means that a copy isgoing to the person named

– bcc This stands for ‘blind carbon copy’, and is only typed on copies of the letter, alsofollowed by someone’s name It indicates that you are sending a copy to the person namedwithout the original addressee knowing

As you can see, this looks extremely old-fashioned, and most letters are laid out in what

is called the blocked style, with open punctuation In this format, everything, from thedate to the signature, is ranged on the left-hand margin There is no indenting; new para-graphs are identified by leaving a line space Punctuation marks are also kept to aminimum Although they are used in the body of the letter through grammatical neces-sity, there is no punctuation in the inside address, the salutation or the complimentaryclose, and no full stops between the letters of abbreviations Below is a letter laid out inthis style

ROYAL HOTEL High Street Lackington LK1 2JH Tel 01567 123456

We are happy to accept your price but there is just one alteration we would like to make to

the agreement you enclosed with your letter There is no mention of the children’s playground,although we did discuss this As you know, it is a very small area and will not require very

much maintenance, but I think it should be specifically mentioned in the agreement, just in

case there is some dispute in the future

Perhaps you could send me an amended contract in due course

reply-J Smith

But what do you do if you are replying to a handwritten letter and you cannot decipherthe handwriting? The best thing you can do is to make a guess at the name and addressand start your letter: ‘I hope I have the name and address right Please excuse me if I

have misread your writing.’ Do not say, ‘I could not read your writing.’ That will put your

reader in the wrong, and start your letter off badly

There are three ways of addressing a man, and two of addressing a woman Men can beaddressed as:

G James Robinson, Esq

G Mr James Robinson

G James Robinson

Women can be addressed as:

G Miss (or Mrs or Ms) Susan Brown

G Susan Brown

Esq (short for Esquire) is very rarely used now, and looks very old fashioned Evenwhen it was in fairly common use, it was considered very formal It is, however, stillusual to use some form of title (Mr, Mrs, Revd, Dr), although it is becoming more andmore common to address people simply as Susan Brown, James Robinson, etc

So when should you use a title, and when not? There is no hard and fast rule, but ally speaking, if you are writing to a member of the public you should address them as

gener-Mr, Mrs, etc If you are writing to business contacts, it depends to a certain extent on