Awful! Words can’t describe how terrible it was How was Christmas Eve darling? Why? What happened? Well, you know that the elves are on strike The pixies haven’t got a clue about loading presents It took five hours just to get the sleigh ready But we’re in crisis! Anyway, when we finally finished the reindeers couldn’t fly The elves had forgotten to give them the magic hay Yes dear When we finally set off it was cloudy so I couldn’t use the North Star to navigate I know that now! When we finally got to England half the houses had guard dogs I’m not as quick as I used to be One of the little monsters bit my ankle Don’t worry it’s only a scratch I suppose so I’m just glad it’s all over That’s becoming more appealing every year! I told you not to cut the elves’ Christmas bonuses If you’d listened to me you wouldn’t have had this situation If you’d fed them the night before they would have been ready If you’d bought a new GPS for the sleigh instead of leather seats you wouldn’t have had a problem Oh dear Do you want me to look at that for you? It would have been much easier if you’d borrowed the invisibility cloak from your friend Harry! Just think If you’d become a teacher like your father wanted you to, you wouldn’t have had to work Christmas Eve Hi honey, I’m home Hi Elvis Did you have a good night? No I didn’t I don’t know why I this job The elves the hard work and Santa gets all the glory If you’d finished your law degree we could have been living it up in Miami now Don’t remind me The cold in the North Pole makes my nose red It wouldn’t have become so bad if you’d used the cream I gave you Cream’s for girls Anyway, we can’t afford to keep buying expensive moisturiser That does it This year I’m sending my CV to el Corte Inglés Surely they need elves in their toy section If only Santa had paid the Christmas bonuses We could have bought more moisturiser and some new thermal elf suits If you’d listened to me you would have done that a long time ago