Nghien ctiu Gia d i n h va G i o i So - 1 Moi quan he iing xuf giiifa cha me va cai Lelhi Vien Gia dinh va Gidi Tom tat: Dua tren so lieu cuoc dieu tra ve "Quan niem, nhan thdc ve hon nhan gia dinh cua cac the he Viet Nam d mot so viing dong bang song Hong" nam 2007-2008, bai viet dUdi day tim hieu nhUng thay doi moi quan he Ung xii giUa cha me va cai dUdi tac dpng cua moi trUdng song hien dai Tac gia chi rang tU tUdng nam khmh nU da lam gia tang ty le nao hut thai nhi nil va mat can bang ty le gidi tfnh sinh Cha me hien da co nhUng each Ung xii phii hdp dUa tren viec giang giai, thuyet phuc mac loi Tuy nhien, kho khan chfnh ciia cha me hien la thieu thdi gian cham s6c ap lUc kiem song Lo lang chinh cua cha me la cai mac te nan xa hpi, eon mong muon chii yeu cua ho la cai co nghe nghiep on dinh Tac gia cho rang moi quan he ton lan giiia cha me va cai dang la xu hudng ciia nhieu gia dinh hien Tii khoa: Giao due gia dinh; IJng xii cha me va cai; Quan he gia dinh Mdi quan he ung xu giila cha me va cai, van dd mudn thud, la mdt mdi quan he ca ban, rai quan trgng, dem lai nidm vui hay ndi lo lang cho cac bac cha me ddi sdng gia dinh Mdi quan he d nude la mac dii cdn mang nhung net ciia truydn thdng, tap quan cu, trgng nam khinh nu, cai phiii chap hiinh y kien cha me, sdng cd ky luat, trat tu, tren Nghien cUu Gia dinh va Gidi Quyen 21, so 1, tr 15-21 dudi rd rang, nhien da cd nhidu bie'n ddi dudi tac ddng ciia nhil'ng dieu kien sdng hien dai, dd cao quydn tu ca nhan, cd su binh dang, dan chii gia dinh giira cha me va cai, dng ba, hg hang v.v Dua trdn tu lieu ciia cudc dieu tra "Quan niem va nhan thuc ve hdn nhan gia dinh ciia cac the he Viet Nam d mdt sd viing ddng bang sdng Hdng" thuc hien tai Ha Ndi va Hung Ydn nam 2007-2008, bai viet de cap den mdt sd van de chfnh bao gdm tu tudng trgng nam khinh nil, ung xii ciia cha me mac ldi, nhiing thuan lgi, khd khan va mong mudn ciia cha me ddi vdi cai TutUdng nam khinh nOr Tu tudng trgng nam khinh nil van cdn tdn tai cac gia dinh da dSn de'n su ma't can bang gidi tinh giira nam nu sinh hien Do chinh sach ciia nha nudc kiem che viec gia tang dan so - mdi gia dinh chi nen cd de'n (ai sinh thii - ddi vdi dan tdc Kinh va mdt sd dan tdc cd dan sd ddng - phai chiu phat lien d cdng ddng va chiu ky luat neu la dang vien), nhieu gia dinh tim mgi each de sinh trai dSn den tinh trang nao, pha thai neu di sieu am biet la mang thai thai nhi nu Nhu vay be gai da chiu sir phan biet ddi xu tan ac nhai til chua dugc sinh Dang budn la vide dang dien d nhidu benh vien phu san, vdi quydn tu nao pha thai ciia cac san phu Theo sd lieu cila Tdng didu tra Dan so va Nha d nam 2009, su mai can bang gidi tinh giua tre em trai va gai sinh d Viet Nam da vugt mUc sinh hgc binh thudng va dang d ngudng dang bao ddng la 110,6 tre em trai tren 100 tre em gai Dac biet vCing Ddng bang sdng Hdng cd TSGTKS vao khoang 115,5, cao han han so vdi miic trung binh ca nudc Ve xu hudng thich de trai, cudc dieu tra d dia diem: xa Phii Minh (huyen Sdc San, Ha Ndi), xa Md Tri (huyen Van Giang tinh Hung Yen), thi Iran Van Giang (linh Hung Yen), phudng Biii Thi Xuan (quan Hai BaTru'ng, Ha Ndi), hdi 397 ngudi thi cd 16,4% ngudi tra ldi nhai dinh phai cd trai, cdn 83,6% tra Idi khdng nhat thiet, cd the hg ciing tranh nd, khdng ndi rd mong mudn that su ciia minh Ve ly can cd trai, sd 332 ngu'di tra ldi: 76,9% ngudi cho iing de cd ngudi ndi ddi tdng dirdng, thd ciing td tien; 16,9% de cd nai nuang lira tudi gia; 4,0%' la theo phong tuc lap quan; ly khac 1,6% Vd ly khdng ctin cd trai: Le Thi 17 92,8% cho la nao cung dugc; 1,8% cho la gai tinh cam han trai; 3% cho la gai cham sdc bd me chu dao hon dm dau; 2,4% ly khac Hien quydn lgi ngudi phu nil til trd nhd den ngudi gia dugc hien phap nudc ta va nhidu bd luat cu the khac bao dam va bao ve Ddi vdi dai da sd cac gia dinh hien nay, vdi cai luc nhd tudi, thi viec an udng hgc hanh ciia trai va gai nhu nhau, dua nao nhd thudng dugc chidu chudng han, dua Idn phai giup viec gia dinh nhidu hon Nhidu dia phuang, gia dinh da coi viec hgc lap ciia gai nhu trai Phdng van mdt nam trung nien d xa Me Sd, dng ndi: "Con trai khdng hgc dugc, gai hgc dugc phai cho nd hgc len cao Con gai dd dai hgc, trai khdng dd thi d nha, khdng sg dau tu vao gai, sau nd di lay chdng" Toa dam vdi can bd xa Me Sd, hg phat bieu: "chu trgng dilu tu cho cai hgc hanh, trai nhu gai, d xa Me Sd, khdng cd trudng hgp nao chi cho trai hgc, hay bat gai chi hgc xong cap phai nghi lam viec nha Con gai cd kha nang cu cho hgc len dai hgc, cao dang Nam 2006, xa cd 50 chau nam nu tdt nghiep dai hgc va cao dang, nu chiem 20 ngudi tdt nghiep dai hgc, cao hon nam vl nil cham hgc vii hgc gidi hon" Tuy nhien nhieu nai d ndng thdn van cdn phan biet ddi xu giua eon trai va gai giao due Gia dinh thieu lao ddng nen giii thudng phiii nghi hgc sdm han d nha giiip cha me, cac em gai thiet thdi hon so vdi cac em trai ciing ludi Lfng xu" cua cha me mac loi va viec dau t u cho hoc Cha me cd trach nhiem nudi day ngirdi, cham lo vice hgc hanh, dao diic tu each, kd ca viec lo dung vg, ga chdng cho con, chiing da hud'ng Vide day biio cai, khac xua, khdng phai cha me bat ldc nao cung cui dau vang lenh, du thay chua diing cung khdng dugc cai lai Ngay linh than binh dang, dan chu, giua cha me va cai da dugc chu trgng Cha me chu y lang nghe y kien cac trinh bay, hgp ly hay khdng hgp ly, khdng gat bd ttr diiu Neu cd didu gi sai, thi giang giai, thuyet phuc de chung nhan ihi'rc dugc cai phai, khdng diing bao lire ap dat, bat linn theo Khiio sat viec cha me xir ly eai mac Idi qua 395 ngu'di tra Idi, 18 Nghien cUu Gia dinli va Gidi Quyen , so 1, tr 15-21 Bang I ITinh thuc cha me xiir phat cai (% nguoi tra loi) V6ii trai Vaii gai Nhac nhd phan tfeh diing sai 97.7 98 Liim ngo cho tre 0,5 0.8 Quat mang 9,6 7.9 Danh don 9,6 3.6 Lien he vdi nha trudng 9,6 5.1 Hinh thuc phat thu dugc kei quii nhu bang I Nhu vay hinh thiic nhac nhd, phan lich dung sai dugc nhidu ngudi sii' dung Hay lang nghe y kien ciia cac bac cha me qua cac phdng van: "Thanh nien bay gid, chiing nd khdng nghe cac cu nhu xua dau, bdi nd thdng minh, cd su hieu biet va binh dang vdi bd me Neu gia dinh nao that su quan tam den cai thi phai chii y de'n anh hudng ciia ndn van hoa mdi ddn cac hien nay" (Phdng van ntr d phudng Biii Thi Xuan) Hay: "Con ciii ngoai xa hdi hgc dugc nhidu didu han hgc til cha me Phai nhac nhd chiing hgc dieu hay, le phai, tranh didu xau Ddi ldi phai lam nhidu, hgc it, khdng bat cac em lam nhieu de chiing cd thdi gian hgc hanh, khdng Clin, nhu'ng can biet giup dd cha me (Nam trung nien d xa Md Sd) Nhidu bac cha me cd nhan thiic diing dan la khdng phai diiu tu chii yeu tidn bac, dai dai cho cai, ma didu quan trgng han la tao cho chung cd kien thuc, dugc hgc hanh va cd nghd Quan nidm dau tu cho khdng phai dai dai ma chai xam, cho chiing hgc hanh, cd nghd, nao cd kha nang, dii trai hay gai thi dau tu cho hgc tie'p len cao Cd nha ddi cung vSn di vay tidn tin dung cho di hgc Cho mdt cai nghd cdn han cho nd \'ai tram met dai Cd nghd tu nd di kiem sdng, cdn han sdng d nha bam vao tai san ciia cha me (Phdng van nam d xa Md Sd) Nhu'ng tu tudng ndi tren la lien bd va mong rang dd la y kien ciia sd ddng cac bac cha me Trong viec giao due cai thdi dai hien nay, khdng phai chi day chung ngoan ngoan, biet vang ldi cha me, ma ciin chii y den N'idc cung cap kie'n thiic de chung phat huy dugc tfnh ddc lap sang tao suy nghi va hanh ddng Cha me giao due cho dao hieu biei an cha me, dng ba, ddng thdi phai giao due cho Idng ydu ntrdc; tfnh tap thd, va Igi Le Thi 19 fch ciia dan tdc, ciia cdng ddng xa hdi ma hy sinh lgi fch ban than Cha me tao cho cd vd'n kien thuc, cd hieu biei vd xa hdi va sau cd nghd nghiep dn dinh, lu lap nudi ban than Vay can tang cudng kha nang tie'p can ciia nien, giup chung tu nang cao nang luc, biei lira chgn chi'nh xac cac ca hdi (hgc hanh, dao lao nghd, chgn viec lam v.v va cd ca hdi tham gia quyet dinh diing dan nhung van dd cd lien quan den tuong lai cudc sdng cua chung Nhu vay la tao mdt mdi trudng md, khdng phai khdp kfn gia dinh, chi giua cha me va cai Nhung thuan ldi, kho khan va mong muon cua cha me viec nuoi dUdng, giao due cai Qua khao sat d didm ndi tren vd thuan lgi nudi hien cua cac bac cha me, thi 60% tra ldi la nhd cd trudng ldp, nha trd, mau giao, 44,4% tra Idi cd nhieu dich vu cham sdc trd, 17,7% tra ldi tre dudi tudi dugc khiim benh mien phf; 24,9% cho la cha me hien cd trinh van hoa kha han (d day hg thudng ndi ddn viec nudi day nhd tudi) Ve nhu'ng khd khan vice nudi day con, ciic bae cha me thudng nhac ldi vice hg thieu thdi gian cham sdc con, 34,6% tra ldi; cac dich vu chain sdc trd dat dd: 26,4%, cac dich vu y te dat dd: 22,6%; cdn thieu co sd cham sdc tre: , % khd khan khiie: 38% Dang luu y d day ndi bat len nguyen nhan cha me thieu thdi gian cham sdc va ciin phai lo kiem sdng Nhung lo lang ciia cac biic cha me rat da dang, tir dao diic tu ciich ciia den vice hoc lap ed trinh kien thi'rc, cd nghd nghiep, cd vice lam v.v Qua khao siit d diem cd kei qua tra ldi nhu d Biing Bang Nhung lo lang ciia cha mc ddi vdi trai va gai (% ngudi tra loi) Vai trai Vai gai 86.7 57.8 Co quan he fiuh due truac hon nliiin 10.7 44.4 Khong dii kha nang hpc len cao 17,1 16.3 Dieu lo king nhat Mac vilo cac te nan xii hpi Khong tiep tuc hpc dupc vi thieu lien 4,6 2.7 Khong CO viec liini 26,1 21.4 Khong khoe manh 7.2 7.5 20 Nghien cUu Gia dinh va Gidi Quyen 21, so 1, tr 15-21 Bang Mong mudn ciia cha me ddi vdi trai va gai (% ngudi tra ldi) Dieu mong mudn Co nghd nghiep 6n dinh Lam an gioi Co dia vi xii hpi Co tu ciich dao due tot Co sue khoe tot Co cuoc song gia dinh hanh phiic Khac Vdi trai Voi gai 68.6 12 19.7 49.8 68,5 20.9 47.8 9.8 9,1 14 42 19.6 63.3 9.8 Nhu vay ndi lo lang Idn nhai ciia cac bac cha me hien la lo cai mac cac te nan xa hdi, ddi vdi trai cd 86,7% ngudi tra Idi, cao han gai 57,8% Lo cd quan he tinh due trudc hdn nhan, thi ddi vdi gai la 44,4% cao han vdi trai la 10,7% Lo khdng cd kha nang hgc len cao vdi trai la 17,1%, vdi gai la 16,3% tuang duang Lo khdng cd viec lam trai la 26,1%, gai la 21,6% tuang duang Vay dieu gi cha me mong mudn d trai va gai? Qua khao sat d diem, y kie'n tra ldi nhu Bang (chii yeu ddi vdi cai da Idn tudi) Nhimg mong mudn Idn nhai ciia cha mc ddi vdi ca trai va gai la: thu nhai: chung cd nghd nghiep dn dinh, 68% ngudi tra ldi Thu hai cd cudc sdng gia dinh hanh phuc 47,8% ngudi tra ldi vdi trai, dac biet la 63,3% ngudi tra ldi vdi gai Thu ba: cd tu each dao due tdt 49% Thil tu: cd sue khoe tdt, 30,9% ngudi tra ldi Mong mud'n cd dia vi xa hdi lai tha'p, cd 19,7% ngudi tra ldi, gai thap han, cd 1,4% ngudi tra ldi Mong mudn cai lam an gidi cd 12% ngudi tra Idi, gai lai thap hon cd 9,1% ngirdi tra ldi Tdm lai, kei qua khao sat cho tha'y cac bac cha me cSn ciing chung silc, thd'ng nhat y kien vdi nhau, ban bac cung thi mdi nudi day dugc td't, ddng thdi can cd su phan cdng nhat dinh giua ddi vg chdng Didu quan trgng la lam the nao de cac bac cha me khac phuc viec thieu thdi gian, diing vi qua tap trung cho viec lam an, kiem tidn ma khdng danh LeThi 21 thdi gian can thiet de gan gui, day dd Nhieu y kien cho rang sau Id cd chuyen gi neu xay vdi cai thi hdi khdng kip, giau cd ma eon cai hu hdng thi tuang lai se Ddng thdi thuc te cho tha'y phai cd phuang phap giao due diing dan, dan chii, cdi md, lang nghe y kien cua con, chu y den lua tudi cila chung, day nhd tudi khac vdi luc chiing da Idn Cac bac cha me nen trao ddi y kien vdi ban be, tham khao y kien nhirng ngudi Idn ludi ve kinh nghiem day dd cai, dgc sach bao, nghe hudng dan each nudi day qua cac phuang tidn thdng tin dai chiing Bdi vi khdng phai cu lam cha, lam me la tu biet each day dd diing dan Quan he cha me vdi cai khdng the nhan manh mdt chidu quan he quydn luc cila cha me vdi cai, tren ndi dudi phai nghe, ma la hai chidu: cha me, cai lang nghe va tdn trgng iSn Cha me phai lam ngudi chii ddng xay dung mdi quan he hai chidu va chii y viec lit cai nhd tudi, dac biet chu y chiing den tudi trudng Hien cac bac cha me rat lo lang cai mile vao cac le nan xa hdi dang didn khap nai, mgi luc; lai lo lang chung khdng cd viec lam trude su suy thoai kinh te cua the gidi ma Viet Nam cung bj anh hudng Mong mudn thiei tha va chfnh dang cila hg la nudi trudng thanh, hgc tiip den nai den chdn, sau cd nghd nghiep dn dinh va lay vg, lay chdng, cd mdt gia dinh hanh phuc Dd la nhil'ng mong mudn gian di ma cac the'he ddu quan tam De mong ude dd su that, thi phai cd su cd gang tir hai phia, cha me va cai, dd cha me ed vai trd quyet dinh va chii ddng, ngoai can them su hd trg ciia cdng ddng xa hdi, cua nha nudc Lam cha, lam me la hanh phuc, la nidm tu hao ciia ddi vg chdng, dac biet vdi vg chdng tre, nhung khdng cd niem hanh phiic nao tu nhien den, ma phai cd su cd gang rai Idn ciia chung ta, phai gian khd va kien tri, sang tao va linh hoat viec nudi dudng, day dd cai nen ngudi Tinh cam giua ddi vg chdng, tinh thuang vdi cai la ddng luc ca ban giup chiing ta lam trdn su nghiep "trdng ngudi nay".B Tai lieu tham khao Tdng cue Thdng ke 2010 Tong dieu tra Dan sd va Nhii d nam 2009 ... nudi day con, ciic bae cha me thudng nhac ldi vice hg thieu thdi gian cham sdc con, 34,6% tra ldi; cac dich vu chain sdc trd dat dd: 26,4%, cac dich vu y te dat dd: 22,6%; cdn thieu co sd cham sdc... cu lam cha, lam me la tu biet each day dd diing dan Quan he cha me vdi cai khdng the nhan manh mdt chidu quan he quydn luc cila cha me vdi cai, tren ndi dudi phai nghe, ma la hai chidu: cha me,... sdm han d nha giiip cha me, cac em gai thiet thdi hon so vdi cac em trai ciing ludi Lfng xu" cua cha me mac loi va viec dau t u cho hoc Cha me cd trach nhiem nudi day ngirdi, cham lo vice hgc hanh,