Nghi§n ci3u Gia Sinh v^ G i i S6 - Tinh cam va chong tuc ngiif, Iha ca dan gian Viet Nam Le Huy Thirc Hoc vi6n Chinh In - Hanh chinh Qu6c gia H6 Chi Minh Tom tat: NgUOi Viet Nam ra't coi cuoc so'ng gia dinh chinh vi vay kho tang tuc ngfl, thd ca dan gian co nhieu cau triet luan noi ve tinh cam vd chong, tinh nghia phu the Bai vil^t tim hieu mot so' bieu hien tinh cam giula vO va chong xa hoi truyen tho'ng qua phan tich mot so' cac cau tuc ngfl, thd ca dan gian Viet Nam Quan he hon nhan bie'n doi theo thtJi dai khac nhau, cho du nhU vay no v^n chia se nhflng gia tri chung nhu sU chung thiiy, tinh yeu thUdng va sp chia se trach nhiem gifla vd va chong gia dinh, va se la nhflng gia tri van duoc de eao xa hoi hien dai Tii khoa: Hon nhan gia dinh; Tinh cam vd chong; Tuc ngfl, thO eao dan gian ve quan he vO chong Pham chat chung thuy Trong kho tang tuc ngfl, tho ea dan gian Viet Nam cd nhieu cau trie't luan vl ndi vl linh cam vp chdng, tinh nghTa phu the Quan niem, tu tudng phong kie'n the hien tuc ngfl, tho ea dan gian thudng nha'n manh dflc tinh chung thuy cua ngudi phu nfl ddi vdi chdng nd bilu duong va ddi hdi nhflng ngudi phu nfl ngudi vp nha't nha't phai nghe, ndi, lam theo ngudi chong, nd nhan manh den viee "ngudi phu nfl chinh ehuyin chi cd mdt chdng" lai eho phep eac bae nam nhi ed quyln "nam thi bay thie'p", dupe lay nhilu vp.,, Quan nilm da chi phdi xa hdi truyin Le Huy Thvfc 29 thd'ng mot thdi gian dai va nd td qua phi ly va ba't edng ddi vdi ngudi phu nfl Cd ra't nhilu tuc ngfl, tho ca dan gian the hiln su coi trpng gia trj, pham chSt chung thuy ciia phu nfl Viet Nam Cau tuc ngfl "Gai chinh chuyen chdng la'y hai chdng", "Sdng dai ca ldi bilt tam/ Phai duyen chdng vp ngan nam em cung ehd", "Mae don ngo chan dudng/ Em day chi bie't ed thuong mdt ngudi", "Trdi eao da't rdng, em vong ldi nguyin/ Da't trdi edn dd, em thuy chung" (TrSn Thi An, Nguyin Thi Hue, 2001:76, 644, 692, 708), hoac "An clianh ngdi gdc cay chanh/ Chdng toi da cd ylu anh danh" (Ninh Viet Giao va cac tac gia khac, 1996:475); "Tram nam gifl ven chfl tdng/ Sd'ng thac vay mdt chdng ma thoi" (Thu Phuong, 2004:133) la nhflng cau md ta vl tinh cam chung thuy cua ngudi vp, ddng thdi thi hien cae ehuSln mue ngudi phu nfl phai tuan thu Viet Nam tflng trai qua nhieu cudc chien tranh, bdi canh lich sfl nhilu ngudi chdng da hang hai xung phong Iran tuye'n dl lai que huong ngudi vp va gia dinh yeu thuong NhiJng ngudi chdng Iran ludn dupe ngudi vp danh trpn tinh yeu thuong va su mong ehd hp trd vl chie'n thang Ca dao tho ca Viet Nam eflng cd nhilu su ghi nhan tinh cam va su ehung thuy dpi cho chdng cua nhung ngudi vp d hau phuong: "Thuong em chin doi mudi ehd/ Con thuyen lai dd cd sang sdng" (Vu Ngoc Phan, 1998: 508) Nhflng ngudi vod lai que huong cham lo viec gia dinh va ehd dpi chie'n thang Nhung ngudi chdng eflng nhieu trang nien khac eflng dap lai bang ndi yeu thuong da die't dd'i vdi ngudi phu nu d lai que huong Nhieu cau tuc ngfl ghi nhan su hy sinh va chung thiiy cua ngudi vp nhu "Gai cd cdng chdng chang phu" (Tran Thi An, Nguyen Thj Hue, 2001:76) Tim hieu kho tang tuc ngfl, tho ca dan gian Viet Nam chung ta se tha'y edn cd nhilu tac pham, cau trie't luan vl phaim chat ehung thuy eua ngudi chdng ddi vdi vp "Rung cay rung cdi, rung canh/ Rung cho chuyin long anh vdi nang", "Em oi chua ngpt da tflng/ Non xanh nirde bac ta dirng quen nhau", "Em oi ta nguyen cung nhau/ Rang long tdc bae ta dimg quen nhau", "Dau rang da trSng tde may/ Dep thi dep vay, da khdng ua/ Vp ta dfl ed que mua/ Thi ta van efl sdm irua vui cung" (Ma Giang Lan, 1998:121,122,154,184) hoac "Tren trang dudi nude, anh giao udc mdt ldi / Dau trang Id nude can ching ddi nao phu em" (Tnln I1ii An, Nguyin Thi Hue 2001:708) Luat Hdn nhan va gia dinh Viet Nam da quy dinh ro hdn nhan mot vo mdt chdng trdn eo sd tu nguyen, khdng dupe Ip budc hoac ngan can va 30 Nghien cuu Gia dinh vh Gidi Quyg'n 23, so 1, tr 28-33 khahg dinh ph^m eh£[t chung thfly quan he hdn nhan ddi vdi ea nam va nu Ro r^ng theo su ghi nhan, phan anh eua tuc ngfl, tho ca dan gian Viet Nam cd khdng it nam gidi eoi trpng phSim cha't dao dflc thuy chung quan he tinh ylu hdn nhan Su chung thuy cung la mdt ph^m chat c5n cd d nhflng ngudi thudc phdi manh, chfl khdng phai chi thudc gia tri, dflc tinh rilng cua ngudi phu nfl Sir so sdnh, ddi ehil'u trln day da^gdp phSn khang dinh gia trj tinh cam gifla vp va chdng thi hiln tuc ngfl, tho ca dan gian Viet Nam ddng thdi mang ti'nh phan khang quan nilm phong kiln cho phep nam gidi tu phdng tflng quan he hdn nhan lai ddi hdi ngudi phu nfl phai suy nghi va hanh ddng theo quy pham dao diic hl't sflc nghilm ngat va ba't cdng Nhu vay cd thi th^y ndi dung cua khdng it cac cau tuc ngfl tho ca dSn gian vl gia trj quan hi vp chdng cSn dupe luu giu Tinh yeu thycJng va sirchia se trach nhiem Kho tang tuc ngfl, tho ea dan gian edn ca ngpi tinh nghTa vp chdng vdi nhflng lo toan cudc sd'ng lao dpng va't va, vl nghTa vu va sir se chia trach nhiem xay dung gia dinh, vl tinh cam vp chdng man ndng qua trinh ddng cam cdng khd VI tinh cam eua ngudi vp danh eho chdng dupe thi hiln tai kho tang tuc ngfl, tho ca dan gian Viet Nam vdi nhirng trie't ly de lai Sn tupng ra't sau dam Theo su md ta, thi hien tuc ngfl, tho ca dan gian Viet Nam thi hau he't phu nfl dIu ed mdt tinh cam dae trung la ludn danh trpn ven tinh thuong ylu cho ngudi ban ddi eua minh: "Chdng ta ao rach ta thuong/ Chdng ngudi ao ga'm xdng huong mac ngudi" "Gid mua thu, me ru ngii/ Gai thuong chdng thflc du nam canh" (Vfl Dung, Vu Thuy Anh, Vu Quang Hao, 1998:112, 226) O day mac cho hoan canh ngheo thil'u thdn nhung ngudi chdng ludn nhan dupe ta't ea tinh thuong ylu trpn ven cua ngudi vp danh cho minh Ngudi chdng ngheo vl vat chS't "ao rach" nhung ludn nhan dupe tinh ylu thuong tfl ngudi vp, dd la gia trj dang quy ddi sd'ng hdn nhan cua ngudi Viet Nam Tinh yeu thuong cua nhflng ngudi phu nfl danh tang eho chdng thi hien d viec lam rat khd khan nhu "Thuong chdng phai bdng ghe" (TrSn Thj An, Nguyin Thi Hue, 2001:151) Cau tril't luan ay la su khai quat thuc te chfl khdng han la nhan xet vd doan ve hinh anh ngudi vp thi hiln tinh yeu thuong chdng bang vile vupt qua khd khan dl cham sdc, nudi dudng rilng cua chdng Le Huy Thiic 31 Tmh thuong yeu sau sac eua ngudi vp dupe thi hien nhung viec lam thuc tl^sinh ddng va ca sir hy sinh thSm lang; "Vi chang thie'p phai md cua/ NhiJng nhu than thil'p thi mua ma'y ddng/ Vi chang thiep phai long dong/ Nhung nhu than thil'p cung xong mdt bl", "Thuong chdng phai luy eflng chdng/ Dang cay phai chiu man ndng phai cam" (Ma Giang Lan, 1998:185, 195) Nhung cau tuc ngfl ca dao dan gian deu ndi vl suchiu dung gian khd va hy sinh ciia ngudi vp cho chdng Vilt Nam la mdt da't nude phai trtii qua khdng it cudc chil'n tranh giai phdng dan tdc Rat nhilu phu nfl Viet Nam da gdp phan vao su nghilp chung eua da't nude Khi cd chie'n tranh hp chuSin bi chu ta't cho chdng lln dudng va dam duong viec gia dinh: "Chang oi! tr^y sdm hay trua?/ De em ganh gao tiln dua hanh trinh" (Vu Dung, Vu Thuy Anh, Vu Quang Hao, 1998: 84) Nhilu ngudi chdng da khdng trd vl vdi gia dinh sau chie'n thang dl lai ndi nhd thuong mong ehd eho nhung ngudi than, dac biet la ngudi phu nfl, ngudi vp Nhilu noi tren dat nude ta cd nhtrng bflc tupng da ngudi vp bdng ehd chdng (Vong Phu) Ngudi Viet Nam cd nhilu cau tuc ngfl, tho ea dan gian ghi iai tinh cam yen thuong, nhd mong chdng cua nhiJng ngudi vp nhu: "Vong Phu canh dep nui Nhdi/ Cd ngudi chinh phu phuong trdi dam dam" (Vu Dung, Vfl Thuy Anh Vii Quang Hao, 1998: 507), hoac "Ddng Dang ed phd Ky Lfla/ Cd nang Td Thi cd chfla Tam Thanh" (Ma Giang Lan, 1998:93) Trong cudc sd'ng hdn nhan gia dinh hau he't nhung phu nfl Viet Nam thudng danh cho chdng nhilu linh cam Tuy nhien, xa hdi truyin thd'ng cung cd nhieu bai ca dao thi hien tinh yeu thuong cua ngudi chdng danh cho ngudi vp: "Theo anh em eflng mudn theo/ Em sp anh ngheo anh ban ma't em / Ngheo thi ban cdt ban keo/ Nao cd ban vo theo bao gid" (Tran Thi An, Nguyin Thi Hue, 2001:693) Hai cau diu cua bai ea dao ndi vl su ban khoan, lo ngai eua cd gai vp eua mot chang trai ngheo Hai eau cud'i la ldi khang dinh tinh ylu cua ngudi chdng danh cho vp, va ndi vl ph^m chat ehung tinh cua phai manh, cua nhflng ngudi dan dng Viet Nam danh eho ngudi vp Nhung ngudi chdng danh cho vp nhilu tinh cam da dupe thi hien tuc ngfl tho ca dan gian Viet Nam rat dang quan tam nghien eflu, dd la y thflc trach nhiem, mudn dupe chia se su gian klid vat va vdi ngudi ban ddi: "Minh ndi vdi ta minh hay son/ Ta di qua ngd thay eon minh bd/ Con minh nhung tra'u cung tro /Ta di ganh nude tam cho minh/ Con minh vfla dep vfla xinh/ Mdt nfla gidng minh, nfla lai gidng ta" (Hoiing 32 Nghien cflu Gia dinh va Gidi Quy§'n 23, so 1, tr 28-33 Tie'n Tuu, 2003:80) Day la mdt bai ca dao trfl tinh ham chfla nhilu chu dl vl tinh cam cha con, tinh ylu ddi lfla va tinh nghia vp chdng, nha't la vl tinh thuong ylu eua ngudi chdng mudn dupe chia se su gian khd cude sd'ng hdn nhan Trong bai ea dao trln la ldi dpc thoai cua mdt chang trai tu xung "Ta" va gpi ngudi vp \h "Minh" Ngudi dan dng bay td cam xuc hanh phuc dupe iam cha va lam chdng, hon nfla, mong mudn chia se viec nudi dudng, cham sdc cai vdi ngudi vp Hoac ndi vl tinh cam lo lang va trach nhilm eua ngfldi chdng danh cho mdt ngudi vp mang bSu sap de'n sinh trude luc Idn dudng mat Iran: "Thuong nang da dl'n thang sinh/ An d mdt minh trdng cay vao ai?/ Rdi sinh gfii hay trai/ Sdm khuya mua nang la'y ban cung" (Vu Dung, Vfl Thuy Anh, Vu Quang Hao, 1998: 84), dd la tSm trang, ndi ban khoan lo lang cua mpt ngudi chdng trude di xa vi viec nude Tinh yeu thuong ciia ngudi chdng danh cho vp d day that cam ddng Trong hoan canh ngudi phu nfl sap de'n vupt can, le c^n dupe gia dinh, dac biet la ngudi chdng cham sdc, trp giup, nhung ngudi thie'u phu khdng h i cd su ddi hdi: "Anh di em d lai nha/ Hai vai ganh vac me gia tho/ LSm than bao quan mudi dua" (Vu Dung, Vfl Thuy Anh, Vfl Quang Hao, 1998: 25) Cd Ihl ndi bin eanh nhflng eau tue ngfl, tho ca dan gian ndi vl tinh cam vo chdng hanh phuc, thi cung cd bai tho ca dan gian ndi vl ndi budn va su bat hanh hdn nhan, bay to ndi long eua ngudi vp gia dinh bj ly tan, bl chdng phu bac Vi nhu ndi dung cua bai dan ca Nam Trung bd mang ten Ly Vong Phu ndi vl tinh ylu va ndi nhd mong chdng ciia mdt ngudi phu nfl ngudi chdng bd que huong di biet tich "Tren trdi cd dam may xanh/ Chinh gifla may trang chung quanh may vang/ Oi la tinh phu tinh phang/ Chfl la duyen chi lam ba'y/ Chfl cai da em trdng chdng, ma khdng tha'y chdng dau/ Cii dng chdng chdng minh oi!/ Chi ma te, te lam chang!/ Chi ma bac, bac lam chang!/ Chfl nin, nin di eon, eon oi hdi la hdi eon hdi!/Thie'p nhan mdt ldi/ Xin chang ehd cd quen" (Sdng Thao, Dang van Lung, 2001:949) Nhu vay ed the tha'y gia trj n6i bat vl chu dl tinh cam vp chdng dupe phan anh qua tue ngfl, tho ca dan gian Viet Nam dd la su chung thuy, su chia se trach nhiem cudc sd'ng hdn nhan giua vp va chdng gia dinh, dae bill dl eao ph^m cha't chung thuy va su hy sinh vi chong vi eon cua ngudi phu nfl Viet Nam NhiJng cau tue ngfl, tho ca dan gian trln day se sd'ng mai vdi thdi gian bdi nd chfla dung nhieu gia tri vl tinh cam vp chdng ciia ngudi Viet Nam Nhflng triet ly vl tinh cam vp chdng LP Huy Thiic B3 ca dao tuc ngfl Viet Nam gcri nhflng gia tri quan hi hdn nhan gia dinh thdi dai mdi Ddng thdi gia tri va sflc sdng ciia kho tang tuc ngfl, ca dao tho ca dan ca Viet Nam vl chu dl tinh yeu hdn nhan, tinh cam vp chdng cSn tie'p tuc dflpc nghien efln v^ ghi nhan, bdi dfl cho gia tri hdn nhan d mdi thdi dai cd nhflng bie'n ddi khac song tinh ydu thuong, sir chung thuy, su chia se trach nhiem gifla vp va chdng van se la nhflng gia tri dupe dl eao xa hdi nay." Tai lieu tham khao Hoang Tien Tuu 2003 Binh gidng ca dao Nxb Giao due Ha Noi Ma Giang LSn 1998 Tiic ngil ca dao Viet Nam Nxb, Giao due Ha Noi Ninh Viei Giao (chii bien) Nguyin Dong Chi Vo Van TiUe 1996 Kho tdng ca dao xi( Nghe Nxb Nghe An Phan Ngoc 2002 Bdn sdc van hod Viet Nam Nxb Van hoe Ha Npi Song Thao Dang Van Lung 2001 Tuyen tap van hpc dan gian lei Nam T.IV Q.2 Nxb Giao due, Ha Noi, Thu Phuong 2004 Ca dao tuc ngilViel Nam Nxb Thanh nien Ha NOi Tr^n Thj An Nguyin Thi Hue 2001 Tuyen tap van hoc dan gian Viet Nam TIN Q.l Nxb Giao due Ha Noi VD Dung VQThuy Anh Vu Quang Hao, 1998, Ca dao IrU linh Viet Num Nxb Giao due, Ha Npi Vij Ngoc Phan 1998 Tuc ngU ca dao dan ca Viet Nam Nxb, Khoa hoc xa hgi Ha Noi ... tang tuc ngfl, tho ca dan gian Viet Nam vdi nhirng trie''t ly de lai Sn tupng ra''t sau dam Theo su md ta, thi hien tuc ngfl, tho ca dan gian Viet Nam thi hau he''t phu nfl dIu ed mdt tinh cam dae... phai manh, cua nhflng ngudi dan dng Viet Nam danh eho ngudi vp Nhung ngudi chdng danh cho vp nhilu tinh cam da dupe thi hien tuc ngfl tho ca dan gian Viet Nam rat dang quan tam nghien eflu, dd... eflng chdng/ Dang cay phai chiu man ndng phai cam" (Ma Giang Lan, 1998:185, 195) Nhung cau tuc ngfl ca dao dan gian deu ndi vl suchiu dung gian khd va hy sinh ciia ngudi vp cho chdng Vilt Nam la mdt