All of my support would be linked to their entry into treatment." It seems mad to try again—how can you help someone who doesn't want to be helped? But it doesn't matter We will try again His mother and stepfather and Karen and I will try again There's an AA saying that trying the same thing and expecting different results is the height of insanity But a repeated message of rehab is that it may take multiple tries for someone to get and stay sober I think of the children of the people who wrote to me—"my beautiful, lovely daughter, twenty years old, the gentlest soul on earth, overdosed last year and died," a father wrote—and I wonder how and when we should try one more time to get Nic into treatment "If I had a child who was addicted to meth," Dr Raw-son wrote I do One morning, Nic calls and informs me that he has a new plan Addicts always do Again and again, they reframe the world to fit into their delusion that they are still in control Nic tells me that he and his girlfriend finished off their stash of meth and that's it, it's over He isn't going to succumb to my manipulation to go back into rehab He promises that this time is different—"she won't let me use, I won't let her, we made a vow, we'll call the police on each other if we slip, she'll leave me if I slip"—more of what he has said the many times he promised that this time would be different He hangs up I call some interventionists recommended by Dr Rawson and a counselor at Hazelden's 800 number Then I receive another phone call, this time from a friend who offers the counterargument He has been in recovery from drugs and alcohol for nearly twenty-five years He says that it's a mistake to intervene and a mistake to try rehab "The rehab industry is like the auto repair industry," he says "They want you to come back And people always do It's a thriving industry because no one gets well They tell you, 'Keep coming back.' " He laughs grimly "That's what they want I had to hit bottom when there was no one and nothing and I had lost everything and everyone That's what it takes You have to be alone, broke, desolate, and desperate." Yes, that might be what it takes Yes, the odds are that neither intervention nor another try at rehab will work But they may We will not keep coming back We have neither the emotional nor the financial resources to keep coming back My brain already burst once, and sometimes it seems as if it could do so again But here I am, making calls to interventionists as Nic leaves hardly coherent messages on our machines And after everything we have been through I am still confused, in a familiar place between the opposing messages from outside me and inside me—leave him alone, let him suffer the consequences of his actions, try anything to save his life The first interventionist I reach claims that he has a 90 percent success rate, and I politely thank him for his time He could be telling the truth, but I am doubtful Another one is more modest "There are no guarantees, but it is worth trying," he says He proposes a scenario in which Nic's mother and I, along with Karen, his friends, and his girlfriend, if she is willing, confront Nic and offer him a chance to go to rehab A bed would be waiting Nic would be encouraged to get into a car and immediately go "I can't imagine that he would go," I say "It often works," he explains "The psychology of intervention is that an addict feels overwhelmed and vulnerable in the presence of his family and friends He may agree to go because of guilt or shame or because his loved ones break in enough so that he can glimpse the truth of his circumstance—the people who love him would not lie They are motivated by one thing To save him." After a pause, he asks the usual question: "What's his drug of choice?" "He uses just about every drug on the streets, but he always gravitates back to methamphetamine." The voice on the telephone lets out a deep sigh "I work with all drugs, but I hate to hear about meth It's so destructive and unpredictable." I tell him that I will consult with Nic's mother and call him back From Addict in the Family: "None of this is easy Addicts' families walk an unhappy path that is strewn with many pitfalls and false starts Mistakes are inevitable Pain is inevitable But so are growth and wisdom and serenity if families approach addiction with an open mind, a willingness to learn, and the acceptance that recovery, like addiction itself, is a long and complex process Families should never give up hope for recovery—for recovery can and does happen every day Nor should they stop living their own lives while they wait for that miracle of recovery to occur." When will it occur? Will it occur? In the meantime, seemingly miraculously, the sun rises each day and sets each evening The globe does not stop spinning, and there are spelling tests to prepare for, swim team carpools to drive, math homework; there are dinners to be made and, afterward, dishes to wash There is work—articles to be written before inflexible deadlines In a week Nic leaves another message "It has been eleven days now I'm sober Eleven days." Is it real? Will it last to twelve days? How many times have I promised myself never to do this again, never again live in a state of panic, waiting for Nic to show up or not show up, to check himself in or not check himself in Doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results is the definition of insanity I will not do it again I am doing it again Up and down Twisted and depressed Distraught and then all right I keep the interventionist's number handy One Saturday, after swimming, Jasper leaves for a boy's birthday party, a sleepover Karen is in the city hanging her paintings for tomorrow's opening, and so it is the two of us, Daisy and I, at home in Inverness Brutus is breathing hard on the couch near the fireplace after his daily game of chase with a bevy of quail that have taken up permanent residence in the garden He may be decrepit, but his shaky legs don't stop him from this exhausting sport Now he is too tired to flee from Daisy; he's at her mercy Using Klutz Press nail polish— nontoxic purples and pinks—she paints his claws She has been making folded-paper cootie-catchers, a game of fortunetelling Now she makes one for Brutus Normally these contain colors and numbers and fortunes for humans, but Brutus makes his choices with a "yawn," "twitch," or "pant." "Come here, big brown fluff ball," she says His fortunes: "You will have a nice day of sleeping and eating." "You will bump into a Great Dane and become friends." "You will steal a steak and get in trouble." Fog like steam and thick cotton has blocked out the sun, but a fire still palely burns In the evening, Daisy and I read together—the book is by one of our favorite children's authors, Eva Ibbotson Daisy leans on my shoulder She pushes her retainer out between her lips, sucks it back in, and clicks it into place She dislodges it again, pushes it out, clicks it back "Stop playing with your retainer." "It's entertaining." She clicks it again "The orthodontist said it's a bad idea Stop." "Fine." She clicks it again We close The Star of Kazan and I kiss Daisy on the forehead She goes off to bed I am in my bed reading when the phone rings Nic He says that he is good and things are going well, but I can tell that he is high I say so He insists that it's the medication for getting off meth and coke ... I tell him that I will consult with Nic's mother and call him back From Addict in the Family: "None of this is easy Addicts' families walk an unhappy path that is strewn with many pitfalls and false starts... starts Mistakes are inevitable Pain is inevitable But so are growth and wisdom and serenity if families approach addiction with an open mind, a willingness to learn, and the acceptance that recovery, like... was no one and nothing and I had lost everything and everyone That's what it takes You have to be alone, broke, desolate, and desperate." Yes, that might be what it takes Yes, the odds are that neither