IT training readers digest UK TruePDF february 2019

R E A D E R ’ S HEALTH • MONEY • TRAVEL • RECIPES • FASHION • TECHNOLOGY D I G E S T FEBRUARY 2019 | S M A L L A N D Dr Jane P E R F E C T LY GOODALL Talks Primates And Prejudice I N F O R M E D Richard E Grant “I WISH I WAS MORE FORGIVING” | F E B R U A R Y HEALTH Seasonal Sadness Ways To Banish The Winter Blues readersdigest.co.uk FEBRUARY 2019 £3.79 EXCLUSIVE LIMITED TIME OFFER* SAVE 25% Our ultimate cordless cleaning solution Includes Gtech AirRam and Gtech Multi Transform the way you clean your home with our award winning cordless vacuum cleaner and compact hand held∆ Compact and cordless Versatile and robust different cleaning modes HARD-WORKING POWERED BRUSH EASY-EMPTY BIN Up to 60 minutes of combined run-time† LED lights to illuminate dirt and dust AIRLOC TECHNOLOGY LONG RUN-TIME Car Accessory Kit RRP £50 FREE These products should normally cost £399.98 but this bundle can be yours today for just £299.98 USE CODE FP85 AT CHECKOUT TO GET THIS OFFER “ The vacuum is easy to assemble and light weight to use It’s ideal for me as I live in a small flat Very good ” Evelyn G - Verified buyer Versatile The combination of the Gtech AirRam and Multi helps you to tackle cleaning your entire home Transform the way you clean your home with the award winning AirRam, specially designed to glide from carpets to hard-floors with no settings to change The Multi is a compact hand held vacuum cleaner that puts the attachments from your upright cleaner in the palm of your hand Cordless convenience The AirRam has an ultra-low profile handle design, allowing you to reach under tables, chairs and other furniture with no cord to hold you back You’re free to spend more time cleaning and less time stopping to change plug sockets The Gtech Multi’s powered brush head is ideal for awkward spaces like the stairs, car interior or sofacushions It also includes an extension 2-year guarantee tube that can be used to reach up high or down low with a choice of two different nozzles AirLOC Technology The Gtech AirRam features the unique AirLOC system that effortlessly picks up large debris from the surface as you push the vacuum forwards, and locks on the backstroke to suck up embedded dust Its powerful rotating brush bar makes it ideal for removing stubborn pet hair Long run-time and lightweight‡ Powered by a removable 22V lithium-ion battery, the AirRam and Multi give you a combined run-time of up to 60 minutes† on one charge, long enough to clean the average house twice The Gtech AirRam weighs just 3.2kg and the Gtech Multi is only 1.5kg, making them both ideal for ORDER TODAY for just £299.98 with FREE DELIVERY downstairs and upstairs cleaning Order today to save £100 These products should normally cost £349.98 but can be yours today for a bundle price of just £299.98, and, for a limited time only, Gtech are also giving you a FREE Car Accessory Kit worth £50, that allows you to clean your car’s boot, dash, seats and floor, or your caravan, easily and effectively Important: Please use code FP85 at checkout to get this exclusive offer 0800 030 86 37 24 hour orderline www.gtech.co.uk Offer only available directly from Gtech *Offer ends 09.02.2019 Subject to availability, while stock lasts 2-year manufacturer’s warranty †Actual run-times may vary depending on the floor surface and the state of charge Thick or deep pile carpets may reduce run-time 40 minute run-time for AirRam + 20 minute run-time for Multi ∆ Refers to AirRam ‡Refers to AirRam when in use Winner of Daily Express Best Retirement Living Solution 2017 PFCKV1 Contents FEBRUARY 2019 Features 16 IT’S A MANN’S WORLD 20 Olly Mann revisits his old university work p ENTERTAINMENT 20 INTERVIEW: RICHARD E GRANT The actor opens up about his native Swaziland, friendship and his love of marijuana 30 “I REMEMBER”: DR JANE GOODALL The famous primatologist on her fascinating life and career HEALTH 40 WINTER BLUES 72 p 72 How to brighten your mood during the cold winter months 56 THREATS TO HUMANITY Is it possible for human civilisation to be destroyed? INSPIRE 64 SAVING TIGERS How an experimental programme in eastern Russia strives to protect these majestic endangered animals COVER ILLUSTRATION © HELENA PÉREZ GARCÍA BEST OF BRITISH: BABY IT’S COLD OUTSIDE Spend Valentine’s Day in one of these enchanting spa retreats 82 TR AVEL & ADVENTURE GREAT LAKES Anna Walker discovers the charms and peculiarities of America’s Great Lake region 90 DISCOVERING WARSAW Delve into the diverse beauty and rich cultural history of Poland’s capital FEBRUARY 2019 • DIGESTED N E W M O N T H LY P O D CA S T Each month Reader’s Digest will navigate the woes and wonders of modern life, weighing in with leading experts on the everyday tools we need to survive and thrive in 2019 To subscribe to Digested for monthly episodes—starting with January’s “How to Give Up Plastic”—visit readersdigest.co.uk/podcast or search “Digested” on iTunes SUBSCRIBE TODAY FREE Contents FEBRUARY 2019 In every issue 12 Over to You See the World Differently 46 50 HEALTH Advice: Susannah Hickling Column: Dr Max Pemberton 96 INSPIRE If I Ruled the World: Skin p 96 98 TRAVEL & ADVENTURE My Great Escape Island Getaways 114 100 MONEY Column: Andy Webb 80 FOOD & DRINK Tasty recipes and ideas from Rachel Walker 106 HOME & GARDEN Column: Cassie Pryce 110 80 116 FASHION & BEAUTY Column: Lisa Lennkh on how to look your best Beauty 118 ENTERTAINMENT February’s cultural highlights 122 127 BOOKS February Fiction: James Walton’s recommended reads Books That Changed My Life: Jacqueline Wilson 128 TECHNOLOGY Column: Olly Mann 130 133 135 139 140 143 FUN & GAMES You Couldn’t Make It Up Word Power Brain Teasers 60-Second Stand-Up Laugh! Beat the Cartoonist p FEBRUARY 2019 • discover the remarkable true story of a small town that welcomed the world because we come from everywhere we all COME FROM AWAY Book, Music and Lyrics by Irene Sankoff and David Hein Musical Staging by Kelly Devine Directed by Christopher Ashley winner! best musical all across north america COMING TO LONDON FROM 30 JANUARY 2019 PHOENIX THEATRE | 0207 400 1238 | Tickets.ReadersDigest.co.uk SENIOR EDITORS Anna Walker, Eva Mackevic EDITORIAL ASSISTANT Jessica Summers ART DIRECTOR Richard Cooke ADVERTISING Jigs Pankhania MARKETING Sarah Hughes HEAD OF FINANCE Santwana Singh FINANCE MANAGER Irving Efren TRUSTED MEDIA BRANDS INC (USA) President and Chief Executive Officer Bonnie Kintzer Vice President, Chief Operating Officer International Brian Kennedy Editor-in-Chief, International Magazines Raimo Moysa For all subscriber enquiries, please use the customer services number below WRITE TO US! 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address and daytime phone number with all correspondence We may edit letters and use them in all print and electronic media Contributions used become world copyright of Vivat Direct Ltd (t/a Reader’s Digest) Reader’s Digest is a member of the Independent Press Standards Organisation (which regulates the UK’s magazine and newspaper industry) We abide by the Editors’ Code of Practice and are committed to upholding the highest standards of journalism If you think that we have not met those standards, please contact 0203 795 8886 If we are unable to resolve your complaint, or if you would like more information about IPSO or the Editors’ Code, contact IPSO on 0300 123 2220 or visit ipso.co.uk PAPER FROM SUSTAINABLE FORESTS PLEASE RECYCLE © 2017 Vivat Direct Ltd (t/a Reader’s Digest) British Reader’s Digest is published by Vivat Direct Ltd, 57 Margaret Street, London W1W 8SJ All rights reserved throughout the world Reproduction in any manner, in whole or part, in English or other languages, is prohibited Reader’s Digest is a trademark owned and under license from Trusted Media Brands, Inc, and is registered with the United States Patent and Trademark Office All rights reserved Printed by Pindar Scarborough Limited Newstrade distribution by Seymour Distribution Limited *Calls to 03 numbers cost no more than a national rate call to an 01 or 02 number and will be free if you have inclusive minutes from any type of line including mobile, BT or other fixed line FEBRUARY 2019 • GET YOUR SHAKESPEARE FIX AT THE RSC THIS WINTER Kathryn Hunter returns to the Royal Shakespeare Company for the first time since she was a member of the 2010-12 Ensemble, when she played Juliet in Ben Power’s A Tender Thing, Cleopatra in Michael Boyd’s production of Antony and Cleopatra, the Fool in King Lear and Gavrilo in The Grain Store Renowned for portraying a wide variety of characters through her acclaimed stage career, Kathryn Hunter has played kings, queens, men, women and a monkey In this adaptation of Shakespeare’s dark satire, Timon of Athens, Kathryn will be playing the titular role Timon has it all – money, influence and friends When the money runs out, she soon finds her influence and friends have also gone Left alone, she flees Athens to take refuge in the woods, cursing the city she once loved Kathryn Hunter’s presence on stage portraying strong male characters such as King Lear (1997) and Richard III (2003) show how her personality and creativity can impact the roles she plays She has also portrayed brilliant women, including Cleopatra and Bernarda Alba (2017), the matriarch of five daughters in an allfemale play which explores repression, passion and conformity She has gained distinction for her physical performances: as Red Peter in Kafka’s Monkey (a solo piece based on A Report to an Academy), where she played a monkey who gives a scientific lecture about her transformation from ape to human This is a rare chance to see this engaging and versatile actor give ‘a searing central performance’ (**** Guardian) in Shakespeare’s comic tragedy, which asks us to question our values and consider where happiness really lies n MORE INFORMATION Timon of Athens plays in the Swan Theatre, Stratford-upon-Avon until 22 February For more information and a full performance schedule please visit rsc.org.uk In This Issue… EDITORS’ LETTERS Last October I embarked on an American road trip of epic proportions, passing through four US states in just one week Though the weather was temperamental (in days the 25°C sunshine of Detroit became snow in Wisconsin) the trip offered an insight into the contrasts of life in the Great Lakes You can read about the journey on p82 The contrast had me thinking about climate change, and the dramatic impact human actions are having on our planet Earlier this year I spoke to Will McCallum, head of oceans at Greenpeace, about the way excessive plastic consumption is harming mother nature You can hear our conversation on the first episode of our new podcast, Digested, available through iTunes or at readersdigest.co.uk/podcast Anna This month I had the pleasure of talking to the talented Richard E Grant about his new film, Can You Ever Forgive Me? A number of surprisingly profound topics flowed out of our relatively brief conversation: from his deep loyalty when it comes to friendships to his unapologetic love of marijuana Read all about our encounter on p20 and then head over to p118 to check out our five-star review of Can You Ever Forgive Me?—the incredibly witty, smart, and oddly heartwarming biopic of celebrity biographer, Lee Israel Eva Follow us facebook.com/readersdigestuk twitter.com/readersdigestuk @readersdigest_uk You can also sign up to our newsletter at readersdigest.co.uk Reader’s Digest is published in 27 editions in 11 languages FEBRUARY 2019 • Over To You LETTERS ON THE DECEMBER ISSUE We pay £50 for Letter of the Month and £30 for all others Letter of THE MONTH For many years my father received his monthly copy of Reader’s Digest and I was fortunate to receive his used copies every month Unfortunately, when he passed away my supply of this lovely magazine ceased and I didn’t get around to subscribing for myself Then, during a conversation with a close friend, I mentioned that I missed all the interesting • FEBRUARY 2019 things Reader’s Digest produced To my great surprise and pleasure—on my 70th birthday last December—my dear friend gave me a subscription to Reader’s Digest as a gift I have so enjoyed each and every edition and realised how much I had missed it I’m over the moon that I won’t be missing any more Pamela Loughrey It’s never been easier to enjoy the World’s favourite magazine! HEALTH • N IPES • FAS HION • TEC HNOLOGY MONEY • TRA VEL • REC IPES • FAS HION • TEC HNOLOGY JANUARY 2019 2018 R IVE SA 80 ED ITIO Steve N COOGAN Roger Daltr ey On Politics, Partridge And Perfec tionism On Love Le sso Luck And LS ns, D Christmas HEALTH • RY AN DECEMBER MONEY • TRA VEL • REC Limits Of Lo gic Tree s Cities Break e kiing CAN SCIEN I CE C DEBU NK THE PARA NORMAL ? FOR JUST £3! Each must-read monthly issue covers life, culture, health, books, films, food, humour and travel alongside in-depth news features, memoirs and celebrity profiles YES I want to subscribe to Reader’s Digest Magazine for just £3 for issues (a saving of £8.37 on the shop price of £11.37 based on the cover price of £3.79 per issue) I understand that if I not wish to continue receiving Reader’s Digest after my first issues I can simply cancel my subscription by contacting customer services If I want to continue to subscribe after my first issues I need nothing and my subscription will automatically be renewed at the low rate of £7.50 for every issues until I decide otherwise INSTRUCTIONS TO YOUR BANK OR BUILDING SOCIETY TO PAY BY DIRECT DEBIT Originators reference: 400162 Please complete direct debit mandate below Name of Bank Account Holder Branch: Sort Code Name: / / Account No Address: Postcode: Telephone: Email: Return your completed form to: Reader’s Digest, The Maltings, West Street, Bourne PE10 9PH Or call us today on 0330 333 2220 Quoting code RDN059 Instructions to your bank or Building Society: Pay Reader’s Digest Direct Debits from the account detailed on this instruction subject to the safeguards assured by the Direct Debit Guarantee I understand that this instruction may remain with Reader’s Digest and if so will be passed electronically to my Bank or Building Society Signature Date Data Protection: From time to time Reader’s Digest may contact you with details of its products and services Please tick here if you object to receiving such information FUN AND GAMES IT PAYS TO INCREASE YOUR Word Power Winter always leaves us longing for some time away If you, too, have a touch of wanderlust this month but can’t manage even a mini vacation, this quiz might help: the theme is toponyms, words derived from place-names both real and fictional Bon voyage! Answers on next page BY RO B LUTE S balkanise v.—A: divide into factions B: coat with rubber C: prevent from entering and opportunity C: dance to celebrate life lyceum n.—A: trellised pathway Byzantine adj.—A: artificial B complicated C: dangerous B: hall for public lectures C: an ornate display sybarite n.—seeker of… 10 solecism n.—A: minor blunder A: knowledge B: power C: pleasure in speech B: expression of disgust C: statement of worth lilliputian adj.—A: highly fragrant B: very small C: wondrous madras n.—A: colourful lightcotton fabric B: hearty lentil soup C: large, noisy crowd 11 jodhpurs n.—A: leather boots B: riding breeches C: protective gloves 12 magenta n.—A: light pink B: purplish red C: dark blue Dixieland n.—style of… A: country music B: country gospel C: jazz 13 Boeotian adj.—A: heavy B: witty tabby n.—A: type of silk taffeta 14 fescennine adj.— A: silent B: variety of wine grape C: type of wallcovering B: loud C: obscene C: dull or obtuse 15 canopic jar n.—a jar for… El Dorado n.—A: symbol of peace B: place of great wealth A: preserving food B: embalmed entrails C: keeping medicine FEBRUARY 2019 • 133 WORD POWER Answers balkanise—[A] divide into factions lyceum—[B] hall for public lectures (Aristotle taught in Lyceum, a gymnasium near Athens) The professor feared the lyceum’s scale (the Balkan Peninsula was split into small warring nations) Byzantine—[B] complicated (Byzantium bureaucracy was complex) Jo was confused by the Byzantine map sybarite—[C] seeker of pleasure (the ancient Greek city Sybaris was known for wealth and luxury) A sybarite, Tom favoured costly, rare Italian reds 10 solecism—[A] minor blunder in speech (after the language spoken in Soloi, ancient Cilicia) 11 jodhpurs—[B] riding breeches (they were designed in Jodhpur, India) Lillie wore her old jodhpurs for the race 12 magenta—[B] purplish red (the colour’s dye was discovered the year of the Battle of Magenta, Italy, 1859) At sunset, the sky turned magenta lilliputian—[B] very small (in Gulliver’s Travels, the inhabitants of Lilliput were tiny) madras—[A] colourful light-cotton fabric (the style originated in Madras, India) Elsie couldn’t resist the pricey orange-and-yellow madras top 13 Boeotian—[C] dull or obtuse (Greek Boeotians were labelled bores by Athenians) Mae struggled to explain rap to her Boeotian cousin Dixieland—[C] style of jazz (a 14 fescennine—[C] obscene (the ancient Italian town Fescennia was noted for their use of offensive verse) WORD OF THE DAY* 15 canopic jar—[B] RAGABASH: jar for storing An idle fellow embalmed entrails (it was mistakenly Alternative suggestions: associated with “Attending a costume Canopus, Egypt) King party in old clothes” Tut’s tomb holds four canopic jars “An embarrassed piece nickname for the US south, where the style originated) tabby—[A] type of silk taffeta (the fabric was first made in Al‘Attabiya, Baghdad) Carol wore an elegant tabby scarf El Dorado—[B] place of great wealth and opportunity (the city was said to hold fabulous riches) Eli labelled Silicon Valley his El Dorado 134 of cloth” “When you hit someone over the head with fabric” VOCABULARY RATINGS & below: Wordmonger 10–12: Wordsmith 13–15: Etymologist *POST YOUR DEFINITIONS EVERY DAY AT FACEBOOK.COM/READERSDIGESTUK FUN & GAMES Brainteasers Challenge yourself by solving these puzzles, then check your answers on p138 THIS IS NOT A MAZE This puzzle has six white sliding doors that can each be pushed into one of the two corridors they are straddling, blocking people from walking through How can you close four of them so it’s impossible to get from the entry to the exit? There are eight semiprecious gems in Sven’s collection At current market prices, four are worth £5, three are worth £10 and one is worth £25 He gives them to his three children: Annika, Birgitta and Carl n The total value of each child’s gift is the same n Carl receives exactly three stones n Annika receives the lowest number of stones How are the gems distributed? FEBRUARY 2019 • 135 (THIS I S NOT A MAZ E) DARREN RIGBY; (GEM STONES) M ARC EL DANES I GEMSTONES SIX FIGURES MAKE IT WORK Fill in each cell of this grid with a whole number from through so that each row, column and outlined region contains six different numbers We’ve placed a few numbers to get you started Arrange the whole numbers from to in the three-by-three grid so that all of the following conditions are satisfied: n is positioned between and n n There’s a row, column or long diagonal for which the sum and the product are equal On the left are the names of five boats that belong to the same company Which one of the names on the right would fit in with the rest? 136 • FEBRUARY 2019 n There’s a number in the left column that is three times the number in the lower right corner n The sum of one of the long diagonals is odd n does not share a row, column or long diagonal with UNDER THE SAME FLAG FENIX GALVI 56 YARCA 100 SIIKU BOCDU 400 is between and DIVOY 20 SEVON PIJRA NAXIR 11 GIVET 13 (SI X FI GURES) F RASER SIM PSON; (UNDER TH E SAM E F LAG) DARREN RI GBY; (MAKE IT WORK) ROD E RICK KIMBAL L BRAINTEASERS READER’S DIGEST         Test your general knowledge Answers on p142     CROSSWISE                   ACROSS DOWN 10 11 12 13 15 17 19 21 22 24 27 28 14 16 18 20 23 25 26 Rapid nuclear reactor shut-down (5) Helper (9) Dressing (10) Atop (4) Ministers (9) Bender (5) Sets of equipment (4) Female big cat (10) Herefordshire town (10) Type of heating fuel (4) Reprimand (5) Contented (9) Waist band (4) Volume for preliminary artistic studies (10) 29 Steam locomotive (4,5) 30 One of these means almost cloudless (5) Truce (5-4) Isolated (5) Snow vehicle (7) Notion (4) Fabricated (7-2) Hangman’s knot (5) Emphasise (9) Wig (9) Ignorant person (9) Whipping boy (9) Makes journeys (7) Gaiety (5) Legend (5) Capital of Norway (4) FEBRUARY 2019 • 137 Brainteasers: Answers THIS IS NOT A MAZE £50 PRIZE QUESTION Answer published in the March issue Can you rearrange these letters to form a single word? A NSW E R P E P GEMSTONES SIX FIGURES 6 6 2 6 UNDER THE SAME FLAG Each of the names on the left contains a Roman numeral and a number that matches its value, so NAXIR 11 fits in with the others MAKE IT WORK 138 • FEBRUARY 2019 Annika: one stone worth £25 Birgitta: one stone worth £10 and three worth £5 Carl: two stones worth £10 and one worth £5 THE FIRST CORRECT ANSWER WE PICK WINS £50!* Email excerpts@ readersdigest.co.uk ANSWER TO JANUARY’S PRIZE QUESTION EVASION All the others form another word when the first letter is removed: e/motion, v/indiction, r/evolution, t/reason AND THE £50 GOES TO… Douglas McKinlay, Great Cumbrae 60 Stand-Up FUN & GAMES -Second We chatted to the fabulously energetic stand-up comic, Sindhu Vee WHAT’S THE BEST PART OF YOUR CURRENT SHOW? When I know I’m going to talk about things that are a little bit darker It’s always a moment of uncertainty and magic because I don’t know how the audience is going to take it It’s very valuable talking about things that are serious yet funny—how are you ever going to get over dark things if you don’t laugh? There are very few topics that play in light and dark the way love does, and the show is ultimately about love WHO INSPIRES YOUR COMEDY? My everyday life; I’m not a political comic Both the family I grew up with and the family I’m bringing up inspire me We are all products of our relationships, so there’s that WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE OF YOUR OWN JOKES? When I was growing up in India there was no sex education, so when it comes to sex there’s no theory, you just show up for a practical and wing it We’re innately so talented at this that there’s a billion of us DO YOU FIND ANY PARTS OF THE COUNTRY TO BE FUNNIER THAN OTHERS? Audiences in Scotland, especially Glasgow, are very entertaining Someone was talking during my set when a man from the back told him to shut up I assured them I didn’t care about the heckle, but they started having a fight It was so crazy and I loved it As an Indian, I have a huge appetite for chaos WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE ONE LINER? After 20 years of marriage, my husband and I know each other extremely well In fact, I know him so well I can have a full blown argument with him from start to finish when he’s not even home WHICH SUPER POWER WOULD YOU HAVE? To always be content with whatever I was doing at the time Get tickets for Sindhu Vee’s comedy tour, Sandhog, at sindhuvee.com Tour dates are February until April 3, 2019, tickets on sale now FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/INSPIRE/HUMOUR FEBRUARY 2019 • 139 FUN & GAMES Laugh! Win £30 for every reader’s joke we publish! Go to readersdigest co.uk/contact-us or facebook.com/readersdigestuk THEY SAY THAT WHEN YOU FALL in love, you lose an average of two friends So if I ever finally fall in love, I’ll be the first person with negative friends COMEDIAN JAMES KING She stole all my favourite Kevin Bacon films and she stole all my small French cakes On the plus side though I’m now footloose and fancy free COMEDIAN ALF WHEN I GOT MARRIED THERE WAS A LOT OF PEOPLE CLAIM THAT IT’S never a question of me taking my wife’s name since it was literally unpronounceable Scott “Bolander” is already bad enough, I didn’t want to be Scott “Unpronounceable.” a lack of vocabulary that makes people swear Rubbish I know thousands of words, but I still prefer “f**k” COMEDIAN SCOT BOLANDER I BROKE UP WITH MY WIFE because she was stealing from me Pucker Up! It’s not just humans who express love with a smooch These cute critters are celebrating the day of love too (via boredpanda.com) 140 • FEBRUARY 2019 COMEDIAN BILL CONNOLLY YOU LEARN A LOT ABOUT HUMANS when you have a baby Girls are so much more advanced than boys I seriously think that girls are born in READER’S DIGEST conversation It’s like they come out of the womb, talking: “Are you my mother? Lovely to finally put a name to a face.” COMEDIAN MICHAEL MCINTYRE THE ONLY HONEST ANSWER YOU can give when someone asks you if you love them is “at the moment, yes”, but try saying that without getting a kick in the chaps COMEDIAN JON RICHARDSON I GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC EASILY and I don’t get why aeroplane toilets don’t have windows I mean it’s not as if anyone can see in Unless of course you are the most determined pervert in the world COMEDIAN BILLY CONNOLLY And that’s exactly why I go and watch the football.” COMEDIAN ROMESH RANGANATHAN THE THING RESTAURANTS ALWAYS boast about now is homemade cooking I don’t want homemade cooking, that’s why I’m here! Because I don’t like the stuff at home!” COMEDIAN LEE EVANS IF ADAM AND EVE CAN’T MAKE IT work in paradise, then how am I going to make it work in Lewisham? COMEDIAN SARA PASCOE PICASSO SHOULD HAVE BEEN A taxidermist “I’ve done your dog It’s got nine eyes down the side, I made his head all square, 15 legs.” COMEDIAN EDDIE IZZARD FOR THE PRICE OF A SINGLE ticket to go and watch a football match, I could take my whole family to a farm park We could go on the donkeys We could get lunch and tea I could go on a tractor All for the price of a single ticket I GOT MUGGED IN LIMERICK The place, not style He didn’t sing, “Hello my name is Pete, I’m standing in the street, don’t be rash, give me your cash or I’ll kick you in the teeth.’” COMEDIAN LEE MACK FEBRUARY 2019 • 141 LAUGH Lonely In Love This Valentine’s Day, these brave tweeters share the reason they’re still single: @AnnieKroth: “I bite into both Kit Kat bars at the same time to avoid leaving a lonely one at the end.” @Derpin_Irwin: “When I had a boyfriend, my Dad pretended to rob us to see if he’d protect me.” RYANAIR HAVE BEEN GETTING A HARD time because they’ve launched a £7 flight to New York Although as always with RyanAir, it does land slightly outside of New York… In Dublin.” COMEDIAN FRANKIE BOYLE I SAW A CLOWN DOING SIT UPS THE other morning Funny how things work out MARI DRURY, F l i n t s h i r e I’VE DECIDED THAT I’M NO LONGER going to date people that I work with It’s not that I don’t believe in office romance, I’m just really tired of dating people with awful jobs COMEDIAN JEREMY RANDALL JOHNSTON @RingsBySpringlu: “One time I told a girl that I thought she was beautiful and after she said thank you I said, ‘Yeah, I’ve been watching you a lot.’” @PaigeSorenson: “I point blank refuse to give up my side of the bed Which is both sides Because I sleep like a starfish.” @LiseFranz: “My step dad tells every guy that I bring home, ‘Whatever you to my daughter, I’ll to you.’” I REALLY WANT TO GET A PHD IN HISTORY so that if there’s ever an accident and someone yells, “is anybody here a doctor?” I can raise my hand, walk over and say, “I’m not going to let you die… ignorant about the Cuban Missile Crisis.” COMEDIAN SAMANTHA RUDDY I RECENTLY HAD TO QUIT DRINKING ALCOHOL I felt like getting drunk all the time was just making me into sombody I wasn’t Drinking makes you outgoing and funny and likeable, and that’s just not me SEEN ON REDDIT CROSSWORD ANSWERS Across: Scram, Assistant, 10 Mayonnaise, 11 Upon, 12 Reverends, 13 Spree, 15 Kits, 17 Leopardess, 19 Leominster, 21 Peat, 22 Scold, 24 Satisfied, 27 Belt, 28 Sketchbook, 29 Iron horse, 30 Tenth Down: Cease-fire, Alone, Skiddoo, Idea, Trumped-up, Noose, Underline, 14 Hairpiece, 16 Simpleton, 18 Scapegoat, 20 Travels, 23 Cheer, 25 Fable, 26 Oslo 142 • FEBRUARY 2019 READER’S DIGEST BEAT THE CARTOONIST! In the March Issue Interview: Neil Morrissey Think of a witty caption for this cartoon—the three best suggestions, along with the cartoonist’s original, will be posted on our website in mid-February If your entry gets the most votes, you’ll win £50 The actor opens up about his life, work and The Good Karma Hospital Submit to captions@readersdigest.co.uk or online at readersdigest.co.uk/fun-games by February We’ll announce the winner in our April issue December’s Winner I Remember: Suzi Quatro CARTOONST: BILL HOUSTON The queen of bass looks back on her fascinating life in music Our cartoonist was left trailing in last place with his somewhat sinister Santa caption: “…and who you think they’re gonna believe? Me…or you?” Our witty reader David Taylor managed to knock him off the top spot with his caption: “Listen sunshine when I found you, you were fishing in a garden pond.” Enter online and you could be the next reader to steal our cartoonist’s crown Plus PARENTING AND MENTAL ILLNESS Fiona Thomas poses the question of whether mental illness can make you a better parent FEBRUARY 2019 • 143 New updated 2019 Edition CONSUMER’S GUIDE TO STAIRLIFTS FREE GUIDE At last! The UK’s first truly independent guide to stairlifts Inside this 24-page colour booklet you will find everything you need to know about stairlifts, including :- The huge difference a stairlift can make to your enjoyment of life! How easy to operate & reliable they are How neatly the new designs fit in with your home’s surroundings Design features - safety, comfort & use How quick and easy it is to fit a stairlift Traps to avoid when buying a stairlift How & where to get the best deals inc reconditioned & renting options A comprehensive listing of all the major U.K makes & models, design options and features AND MUCH MUCH MORE!! For your FREE Guide - FREEPHONE 0800 074 3961 Lines Open 8am-8pm Mon-Fri 10am-4pm Sat-Sun (QUOTE S325EV) 4.9 WAS £ 24 pages 29 models For your FREE Guide FREEPOST this coupon in an addressed envelope or you can request details online at mobinfo.co.uk Please update me on the latest stairlift discounts THIS BOOK WILL ONLY BE SENT TO THOSE APPLICANTS WHO SUPPLY THE CORRECT INFORMATION TO ALL SECTIONS MARKED IN BLOCK CAPITALS MR/MRS/MISS ADDRESS POSTCODE TELEPHONE NUMBER (we cannot despatch without all details) FREEPOST TO: Mobility Aids Information Service (S325EV), FREEPOST LON15651, London SE1 1BS The information we will send you will be from our authorised stairlift practice for your area Your information will only be used to deliver our service and as set out in our Privacy Policy: www.stairliftsecrets.co.uk what a way to make a livin’ LOUISE REDKNAPP AMBER DAVIES and NATALIE McQUEEN BRIAN CONLEY Music & lyrics by DOLLY PARTON Book by PATRICIA RESNICK Directed by JEFF CALHOUN Based on the 20th Century Fox Picture Originally produced on Broadway by Robert Greenblatt, April 2009 SAVOY THEATRE • OPENS JANUARY 2019 TICKETS.READERSDIGEST.CO.UK • 0207 400 1238 ... 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