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Develop emotional power Develop emotional power Bởi: Joe Tye “It’s better to make a mistake with the full force of your being than to carefully avoid mistakes with a trembling spirit Responsibility means recognizing both pleasure and price, making a choice on that recognition, and then living with that choice without concern.” Dan Millman: Way of the Peaceful Warrior Did you read the book Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand (soon to be a movie)? It’s the amazing story of Louis Zamperini, Olympic athlete and World War II hero who survived two horrendous years in a Japanese prisoner of war camp - and through it all remained “unbroken.” There is a crucial lesson in the Zamperini story - and in all such stories of heroic survival: the hero never gave up emotionally It would have been so easy for Aaron Ralston, whose story is recounted in his book (and movie) Between a Rock and a Hard Place, to give up when his arm was pinned down by a boulder for five days – but had he ever thrown in the towel emotionally, he almost certainly would not have survived Zamperini and Ralston – and anyone else who has ever survived a difficult experience – emerged stronger than they went in Here’s how Ben Horowitz, Cofounder and General Partner, Andreesen Horowitz venture capital firm (quoted in Success magazine, January 2013) put it: “Whenever I meet a successful CEO, I asked them how they did it Mediocre CEOs point to their brilliant strategic moves or their intuitive business sense for a variety of other self-congratulatory explanations The great CEOs tend to be remarkably consistent in their answers They all say: ‘I didn’t quit.’” Toughness is the third Cornerstone of Core Action Value #5, Perseverance, in our course on The Twelve Core Action Values That doesn’t mean physical toughness nearly as much as it means mental toughness Viktor Frankl, author of Man’s Search for Meaning, didn’t survive the horrors of a Nazi concentration camp because he was physically tough – it was because he was made of stern stuff emotionally Here are five things you can to foster that sort of emotional strength that you will need when bad things happen to you (and, as Harold Kushner told us in his book of that title, bad things happen to good people, often unexpectedly): 1/2 Develop emotional power Shout down fear: There is a scene in the PBS series on Ernest Shackleton where some of his men have given in to the fear that they would all die stranded on the Arctic ice Shackleton, played by Kenneth Branagh, stands toe-to-toe with the ringleader of the negative thinkers and shouts “Nobody is going to die!” When you are in a tough situation and fear tries to take hold of your thinking, that is exactly what you must do: stand toe-to-toe with the emotion and shout out your determination to prevail Take action, take risks: Over the past ten years, millions of people have lost jobs The ones who are most likely to now be saying that “it was the best thing that ever could have happened” are those who used the experience as the jumping off point for doing something new – starting a business, changing careers, going back to school, writing a book (think J.K Rowling) Never be a victim: The prison camp guards did everything in their power to degrade and humiliate Zamperini, but the one thing they could never was make him play the role of victim or martyr Viktor Frankl said that the one quality that characterized survivors in the concentration camp was the determination to never give up that one and only freedom left to them – the freedom to define their own attitude Keep walking: The 23rd Psalm says that we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, not that we take up permanent residence down there in the darkness One of the most important things for you to when you are in those shadows is to keep walking Keep moving physically by getting more exercise; keep moving intellectually by reading more and better books; keep moving emotionally by rewriting negative selftalk; keep moving spiritually by setting aside your own problems and reaching out to help others cope with theirs Pray for guidance: Some years back I read an article by a man who had recently retired from a long and successful career He said that over the years he’d kept two journals – one labeled “Plan and Work” and the other labeled “Pray and Wait.” As he went back through them, he was surprised to see that his greatest, and most authentic and cherished, accomplishments had first been inscribed in the “Pray and Wait” journal Soren Kierkegaard is widely quoted as having said that “The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.” It really doesn’t matter what your religion, or non-religion, happens to be: when your world is upside down, carrying on a conversation with a higher power, however you conceptualize such, can provide you with strength and emotional toughness In his classic 1902 book The Varieties of Religious Experience, William James wrote: ... How This Book Can Help You Develop a Powerful Business Plan That Works T his book gives you a proven method to help ensure your com- pany’s success. Organizations fail to accomplish their goals for one simple reason: The management story being told is incomplete, inaccurate, and incongruent. This book cuts past the traditional problems of planning and provides management with a document- ed method of building a simplified business plan that works. You’ll learn how to tell a story that is inclusive of employees and empow- ers them to participate in the company success. xxvii INTRODUCTION T HE F IVE C RITICAL I NGREDIENTS OF A S UCCESSFUL B USINESS P LAN There are five conditions critical to successfully building a power- ful, executable business plan. You must: 1. Simplify definitions and use words in plain business language. 2. Clearly demonstrate the relationships among planning elements. 3. Successfully link the connections between your strategic, operational, organizational, resources, and contingency plans. 4. Incorporate all functions into a single planning model. 5. Achieve total employee involvement by taking the busi- ness plan to all levels. I wrote this book for you as a manager, someone who is the steward of any organization, be it large or small. The concepts of business apply no matter whether you are an entrepreneur or a manager for a well-established, publicly traded company. Companies are organizations, no matter what their size, type, or product. This means you must have an integrated business plan no matter who you are or what you do. Business planning is important whether you are a start-up company in e-business or working on a multinational planning team. This book gives you a place to start, a system to make sense of the confusion around planning, and a model to build a complete package. W HY THE T RADITIONAL P LANNING M ODELS FOR B UILDING A B USINESS P LAN D ON ’ T W ORK I can contribute to your success by sharing a method of business planning based on an approach that’s different from the dry, tradi- Introduction xxviii tional numbers method. My experience is that you are currently using one of three approaches to business planning: traditional, piecemeal, or one with a deflected focus. The Traditional Approach: Good Intentions, Dismal Results A large number of published works and many management con- sultants simply say the same thing. They are replays of the same themes of setting the vision, establishing goals, and getting employee buy-in. Had the traditional approach of forming a plan- ning team and producing a document been successful, there would be no need for this book. The traditional planning approach fails because the required parts are not integrated, the results are boring, and the process is not completed throughout the company. These three faults create a deadly waste of company time, money, and talent. While the inten- tions are good, the results are dismal. That is why traditional plan- ning appears to have management teams simply going through the motions over and over again with each yearly plan. The Piecemeal Approach: No Way to Fit the Pieces Together This book gives you all the elements of the business plan and shows you how to fit them together. Most businesses think they are plan- ning when in fact they are going about it in a piecemeal fashion. Company presidents need to see a simple but complete picture [...]... help you to remember almost anything." "In fact, remembering is easy when you know how. " 26 27 "Remembering is not easy for us, Grandpa," said the kids "We're always forgetting to do things." Grandpa laughed "No, kids You just haven't learned how to use your memory the way it was meant to be used." The kids' eyes lit up Was there a way that they could learn how to remember things? "I'll explain," said... "Two is Shoe, Grandpa." "Right, Jasmine Now think of a silly story about your shoe and your toys," said Grandpa "OK," said Jasmine "Imagine that my toys are driving around in my shoe and I'm running after them and chasing them into the toybox." "Now that's really silly, Grandpa," Adam laughed "Exactly, Adam, and silliness is a very important part of remembering things," said Grandpa "Remember, the sillier... allowing you to go on the class beach trip today," she said Now Jasmine knew what she had forgotten! It was her responsibility to bring the beach note to the teacher so that she and Adam could also go to the beach with the class But she had forgotten it! 16 17 "Adam and Jasmine, because you don't have your note you won't be able to come to the beach with us today You'll have to spend the day studying in. .. very difficult because I'm wearing a blindfold and hopping on one foot Some of the eggs are falling off onto Adam and Cosmo." Six is STICKS-A DOZEN EGGS.' 52 "And Seven is Heaven," said Jasmine "Imagine that I'm outside playing and photos of our holidays start falling from heaven I look up in the sky and there's an angel dropping them down to me And when I catch a photo I see that it's pictures of... not to laugh." "Good That's a very silly story," Grandpa chuckled "So Eight is GATE—CHOCOLATE CAKE." 56 57 "What's at number nine?" "When we get home we're going to water the garden and that's at Nine which is LINE," said Adam "Pretend that I'm sitting on a big hose and riding it like a snake in and out of the line down the middle of the road It's going up and down like a roller coaster and watering... So Jasmine closed her eyes, grinned cheekily and said, "Four is Door I'm pretending that I open my bedroom door but the handle has changed into a big tomato and it squashes between my fingers and goes all over the carpet." "Let's make it even sillier," chuckled Grandpa "The tomato juice runs down the stairs and all over your Dad's head!" "Boy, he'd be mad!" laughed Adam "Four is DOOR—A BIG TOMATO." 46... becoming really good at making up silly stories and were eager to do the last five Grandpa smiled and said, "Jasmine, I want you to peg number six which is eggs and number seven which is the holiday photos Adam, you peg number eight which is the chocolate cake from Mrs Suter and number nine which is water the garden." 51 "I'll try first," said Jasmine "Six is STICKS I'm thinking that I'm balancing a... bedroom DOOR At FIVE, which is HIVE, imagine a hive full of bees For SIX imagine some STICKS from a tree At number SEVEN, which is HEAVEN, imagine an angel floating in the clouds and at EIGHT picture a GATE that you've seen For NINE, which is LINE, see a white line down the middle of the road and finally, at TEN, imagine a big fat HEN!" "Are you ready to imagine each of those pegs?" he asked "We're... to water the garden and then do your homework When you've [...]... however Regarding posture and foot placement, set up the same way 12 KETTLEBELL TRAINING FOR ATHLETES you would for a two-hand swing When you grip the handle with one hand, make sure to center the kettlebell between your legs by leaning slightly to the side Start with the same backswing as you would for the two-hand swing Then drive the kettlebell forward and up with your hips and thighs Gently follow... upright row for the shoulders Remember, body low, feet straight, shoulders and hips aligned 8 KETTLEBELL TRAINING FOR ATHLETES BENT-OVER ROW: KEY POINTS 1 Stagger your step approximately a stride’s length so your feet are pointing straight ahead and are parallel 2 Bend at the waist, and brace yourself by placing your forward hand on your thigh 3 Grip the kettlebell with your free hand, and pull to... pulling, pressing, and an explosive extension of the hips and knees I wanted the kind of strength and power that would enable me to grab a grown man and rip him off of his feet using one hand I am not that big of a guy, so I definitely set my sights high I tried to forget what I thought I knew about strength training and to start over I took the skills that I needed to perform and deconstructed them into... before you bring it up to eye level; otherwise, you will place unnecessary stress on your shoulders trying to frontraise a large weight Also, as the weight moves forward, you want to stand fully erect with straight knees and hips This allows you to transfer all of the momentum that you gained from the swing into the kettlebell 6 KETTLEBELL TRAINING FOR ATHLETES your forearms Let gravity pull the kettlebell. .. martial arts uniform) and pulling him right off of his feet It took a little work to smoothen it out, but this is the technique that I teach my students to this day I changed other movements to make them suit my needs, and I left others alone Whatever your goals are, though, one thing is for sure: kettlebells are extremely effective training tools and will transform your strengthening and conditioning... stress on the shoulders and back of the neck and will cause premature fatigue 10 KETTLEBELL TRAINING FOR ATHLETES INTRODUCTION TO POWER MOVEMENTS 2 WEEK 2 T his chapter discusses the one-hand swing, single snatch, double clean, and single press The one-hand swing is the next progression in the ballistic movements I find that it takes slightly more coordination than the two-hand swing for two reasons: First,... repetition Caution: When raising the kettlebell, do not allow your hands to reach your chin, to avoid contact between your chin and the handle Two-Hand Swing As with all the major power movements, line up your feet with the kettlebell as you would for the deadlift My preferred TeAM YYePG Digitally signed by TeAM YYePG DN: cn=TeAM YYePG, c=US, o=TeAM YYePG, ou=TeAM YYePG, email=yyepg@msn.com Reason: I attest to the accuracy and integrity of this document Date: 2005.01.31 00:20:13 +08'00' THE EQ Difference A Powerful Plan for Putting Emotional Intelligence to Work Adele B. Lynn AMERICAN MANAGEMENT ASSOCIATION New York | Atlanta | Brussels Chicago | Mexico City | San Francisco Shanghai | Tokyo | Toronto | Washington D.C. Special discounts on bulk quantities of AMACOM books are available to corporations, professional associations, and other organizations. For details, contact Special Sales Department, AMACOM, a division of American Management Association, 1601 Broadway, New York, NY 10019. Tel.: 212-903-8316. Fax: 212-903-8083. Web site: www. amacombooks.org This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional service. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Lynn, Adele B. The EQ difference : a powerful program for putting emotional intelligence to work / by Adele B. Lynn. p. cm. ISBN 0-8144-0844-3 1. Emotional intelligence. 2. Work—Psychological aspects. I. Title. BF576.L96 2004 152.4—dc22 2004018816 © 2005 Adele B. Lynn All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. This publication may not be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or trans- mitted in whole or in part, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of AMACOM, a division of American Management Association, 1601 Broadway, New York, NY 10019. Printing number 10987654321 CONTENTS Preface: Your Inner Bird Dog v Acknowledgments ix PART 1 Emotions: The Fuel of Life CHAPTER 1 THE CONNECTION AMONG BEHAVIOR, FEELINGS, AND PERFORMANCE 3 CHAPTER 2 THE MYSTERY OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR 14 CHAPTER 3 THE WAY WE ARE WIRED 22 CHAPTER 4 EMOTIONS: WHAT ARE THEY? 28 CHAPTER 5 REWIRING FOR GREATER PERFORMANCE AND TO LIVE OUR INTENTIONS 34 CHAPTER 6 THE FIVE AREAS OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE 39 PART 2 Training Your Self-Coach CHAPTER 7 THE DOORWAY TO EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE 45 CHAPTER 8 STEP 1: OBSERVE 50 CHAPTER 9 STEP 2: INTERPRET 79 CHAPTER 10 STEP 3: PAUSE 99 CHAPTER 11 STEP 4: DIRECT 105 [ iii ] CHAPTER 12 STEP 5: REFLECT 140 CHAPTER 13 STEP 6: CELEBRATE 151 CHAPTER 14 STEP 7: REPEAT 160 PART 3 Five Areas of Emotional Intelligence at Work CHAPTER 15 SELF-AWARENESS AND SELF-CONTROL AT WORK 165 CHAPTER 16 EMPATHY AT WORK 185 CHAPTER 17 SOCIAL EXPERTNESS AT WORK 197 CHAPTER 18 PERSONAL INFLUENCE AT WORK 213 CHAPTER 19 MASTERY OF PURPOSE AND VISION AT WORK 230 Bibliography 251 Letter to Readers 253 Index 255 iv CONTENTS [ v ] PREFACE YOUR INNER BIRD DOG Knowledge of what is possible is the beginning of happiness. —George Santayana M ost people’s ideals are noble. To achieve these ideals, however, sometimes requires wisdom far beyond what we are able to deliver on a daily basis. We are likely to get caught in the fray of life. Little things, like rush hour traffic, the line at the deli counter, or a coworker’s comments become our focus and take us away from our ideal. We sometimes get stuck in the unimportant, and unleash our energy in .. .Develop emotional power Shout down fear: There is a scene in the PBS series on Ernest Shackleton where some... world is upside down, carrying on a conversation with a higher power, however you conceptualize such, can provide you with strength and emotional toughness In his classic 1902 book The Varieties... getting more exercise; keep moving intellectually by reading more and better books; keep moving emotionally by rewriting negative selftalk; keep moving spiritually by setting aside your own problems