A translation quality assessment of the first three chapters of the novel “the da vinci code” by do thu ha (2005) based on j.house’s model

Different theorists construct different models to assess the quality of a translation text; therefore, there exists only ―good‖ translation according to a specific view.. This qualitativ

A translation quality assessment of the first three chapters of the novel ―the da vinci code‖

by do thu ha (2005) based on j.house‘s model

Đặng Thị Phượng

Trường Đại học Ngoại ngữ Luận văn Thạc sĩ ngành: Ngôn ngữ Anh; Mã số: 60.22.15

Người hướng dẫn: PGS TS Trần Xuân Điệp

Năm bảo vệ: 2012

Abstract: Literary translation has been developing for a long time; however, the

definition of a ―good‖ translation still remains a controversy Different theorists construct different models to assess the quality of a translation text; therefore, there exists only ―good‖ translation according to a specific view This qualitative study attempts to evaluate the translation quality of the first three chapters in the Vietnamese version of the novel ―The Da Vinci Code‖ translated by Do Thu Ha (2005) based on J House‘s translation quality assessing model Under qualitative method, the source text has been analyzed in the light of Halliday‘s functional grammar (under five dimensions namely Field, Tenor, Mode, Transitivity System, and Theme) and House‘s model (under two dimensions namely Dimensions of Language Use and Dimensions

of Language User) Besides, a comparison between the source and translation text has been implemented to discover the mismatches and errors (namely covert and overt erroneous errors) Thence, a statement of quality of the translation text has been presented, i.e the translation text is of rather poor quality and fails to exactly and completely convey the interpersonal and ideational meaning of the source text (ST)

according to House‘s model

Keywords: Phương pháp giảng dạy; Tiếng Anh; Dịch thuật; Bản dịch

Content

PART I INTRODUCTION

I Rationale of the study

There are various areas in translation among which translation quality assessment is a subject of interest To what degree a translation text is ―good‖ all depends on a large variety

of factors, one of those would be the angle from which the translation text can be looked at Translation theorists developed their own models of translation quality assessment (TQA); however, J House‘s is widely adduced for its applicability J House is a German linguist who has developed her own TQA model after criticizing previously proposed ones by other

linguists like Newmark‘s or Hatim & Mason‘s This paper is conducted based on her TQA model to assess the first three chapters of the novel ―Mật mã Da Vinci‖ by Đỗ Thu Hà (2005)

II Scope and objectives of the study

Under the constraints of time and size, the study only focuses on the first three among

105 chapters in the book ―Mật mã Da Vinci‖ by Đỗ Thu Hà in 2005 In this study, the investigated chapters will be analyzed under the light of J House‘s approach of TQA in order

to reach the objectives of (1) discovering the features of the source text (ST) in the light of Halliday‘s functional grammar and House‘s dimensions and (2) assessing the level of quality that the translation text reaches Due to the fact that House‘s model is constituted based on pragmatic theories of language use meanwhile concerning semantic and textual aspect, the scope of this study is not limited as its title may arouse The paper covers quite a large range

of applied linguistics, for example, constrastive analysis, cross-cultural study, functional grammar, and translation

III Research questions

In order to fulfill its objectives stated above, this paper needs to answer the following research questions:

1 What are the features of the ST in the light of Halliday‘s functional grammar and House‘s dimensions?

2 To what degree does the translation text (TT) meet the standard of quality as proposed in House‘s TQA model?

IV Research methodology

- Qualitative method: This research is a qualitative evaluation; hence, the source of data is document, and information is gathered by an analysis of documents and materials Data are categorized into patterns as the primary basis for organizing and reporting results Qualitative method allows the researcher to study individual text closely It also enables multiple analytic strategies

- Synthetic and analytic methods: The analysis of the texts is also approached from the combination of analytic and synthetic methods: analytic perspective to identify, isolate certain aspects to concentrate on, and synthetic perspective to investigate the interdependence of these constituents – how they work together as a whole

- Descriptive and comparative methods: In order to provide in-depth and detailed descriptions of translation and evaluation, the study is descriptive and comparative in nature

V Organization of the study

The first part of the study is the Introduction which provides a general view of the research such as methods, objectives, and scope

In the second part – Development, the study aims to present the theoretical background of the research (Chapter I) and review the existing literature by presenting some related concepts of translation theory and typical TQA models (Chapter II) Chapter III focuses on the Methodology and Procedures of the research Chapter IV is the Findings and Discussion which present the results of data analysis and discussions

In part 3, the conclusion of the study will be stated with three components: Recapitulation of the study, Limitation of the study, and Recommendations for further research

PART II: DEVELOPMENT CHAPTER I THEORETICAL BACKGROUND

I.1 Translation theory

I.1.1 What is translation?

I.1.2 Translation procedures and methods

I.1.3 Translation equivalence

I.2 Views and models of translation quality assessment

I.2.1 Hatim & Mason’s model (1990)

I.2.2 Peter Newmark’s model

I.3 Development of J House’s model

CHAPTER II: LITERATURE REVIEW

House‘s model, for its plausibility, can be found in a number of studies of TQA A brief summary of such works is as follows

II.1 Application of House’s model in Vietnam

II.2 Application of House’s model in other countries

CHAPTER III: METHODOLOGY AND PROCEDURES

III.1 Subject of study

As the study of the whole text is beyond the scope of this paper, the object under investigation is the first three chapters in the SL ―The Da Vinci Code‖ written by Dan Brown

in 2003 and their Vietnamese version translated by Đỗ Thu Hà in 2005

III.2 Methodology

The present study has a qualitative design This study is intended to find two kinds of errors as a consequence of comparing the ST with the TT The model to be used in this study

is House‘s TQA Model This study is mainly a library research

Under House‘s model, the analysis and comparison of the source text (ST) and translated text (TT) are conducted in two sections: Dimensions of Language User and Dimensions of Language Use In the first part, three situational dimensions which refer to the features marking the provenance of a text producer are introduced including Geographical origin, Social class, and Time In the second part, five situational dimensions namely Medium, Participation, Social relationship, Social attitude, and Province are applied for the analysis and comparison Also, on each of the dimensions, the author analyzes the texts on three aspects: syntactic, lexical, and textual means Also, under Halliday‘s functional grammar, the ST would be analyzed in terms of Field, Tenor, Mode, Transitivity system, Theme, and Mood

III.3 Data Collection Procedure

The researcher first read the original text thoroughly, and then the ST is compared to its translation to find two kinds of errors, namely overtly erroneous errors and covertly erroneous errors The House‘s model is commonly applied in TQA by doing the following chronological steps:

i Doing an analysis to get the ST profile (Analytic method)

ii Giving a statement of function to the ST related with ideational and interpersonal meaning (Synthetic method)

iii Comparing the two texts to produce a statement of ―in-equivalence‖ which is categorized into ―covertly erroneous errors‖ and ―overtly erroneous errors‖ (Comparative method)

iv Providing a statement of quality with reference to the translation result (Descriptive method)

III.4 Data Analysis Procedure

The mismatches and errors have been identified based on a comparison between the

ST and TT Covertly erroneous errors are differentiated from overtly erroneous errors in that the latter results either from a mismatch of the denotative meanings of ST and TT elements or from a breach of the target language system

Findings and Discussion: This subsection is aimed at presenting the results of the application/implementation of the above-mentioned step and providing a statement of quality

of the TT

CHAPTER IV: FINDINGS AND DISCUSSION

IV.1 ST and TT comparison

Mismatches on the following dimensions could be observed as a result of a comparison between the ST and TT on the basis of situational dimensions suggested in House‘s model

IV.1.1 Covertly erroneous errors

A Medium: Syntactic means

TT uses some contact which does not appear in the ST and changes in type of phrases such as:

1 Langdon picked up the receiver ―Hello?‖

(p.7)

Langdon nhấc ống nghe trả lời: ―Xin chào?‖ (p.7)

2 Squinting at his surroundings he saw a

plush Renaissance bedroom with Louis XVI

furniture… (p.7)

Liếc nhìn xung quanh ơng nhận thấy đĩ là một

phịng ngủ kiểu Phục Hưng bằng vải lơng với nội thất thời Lui XVI… (p.7)

3 According to lore, the brotherhood had

created a map of stone—a clef de vỏte or

keystone—an engraved tablet that revealed

the final resting place of the brotherhood's

greatest secret… (p.15)

Theo sách vở, tổ chức đĩ đã tạp ra mơt tấm bản

đồ bằng đá – một viên đá đỉnh vịm – và khắc vào

đĩ bảng chỉ dẫn tới vị trí cuối cùng của bí mật lớn

nhất của tổ chức… (p.14)

In the first example, the verb ―trả lời‖ is added to the end of the first sentence to connect the two sentences In the second and third example, the noun phrases ―a plush Renaissance

bedroom‖ and ―an engraved tablet‖ are transformed into a subordinate clause ―đĩ là một

phịng ngủ‖ and a verb phrase ―khắc vào đĩ‖ This kind of change in TT, to some extent, supports the translator‘s aim in explaining and clarifying the situation which is considered not necessary in the ST as well as making the text more familiar to Vietnamese readers

B Social role relationship

Regarding the lexical mismatch, the TT differs from the ST in terms of use of pronouns as stated below:

1 ―I assume,‖ Langdon said, ―That the

American University of Paris told you

where I was staying?‖ (p.19)

―Tơi đốn,‖ Langdon nĩi, ―rằng Trường Đại Học

Mỹ ở Pari đã nĩi cho ơng biết tơi đang ở đâu?‖

(p.18)

The pronoun ―you‖ in the first extract should be translated into ―các ơng‖ (plural) instead of ―ơng‖ (singular) because in this circumstance, by ―you‖, the speaker means the policemen who requested his presence, not the listener

C Social attitude

The consultative style level of the ST is violated when the translator adds more abundant words to the TT in order to make the text more intimate This may be caused by the translator‘s attempt to create a more natural narrative and to bring the text closer to the Vietnamese writing style The examples are listed below:

1 ―Outside the car, the pale wash of

halogen headlights skimmed over the

crushed gravel parkway…‖ (p.20)

Bên ngoài chiếc xe, ánh sáng nhạt của những

ngọn đèn pha cháy bằng khí halogien hắt

xuống con đường rải sỏi nghiền nhỏ (p.19)

2 ―Mr Langdon,‖ Fache's ebony eyes

locked on his "What you see in the photo is

only the beginning of what Sauniere did

(p.25)

―Ông Langdon,‖ đôi mắt đen như gỗ mun của

Fache lóe lên, ông ta ngắt lời Langdon,

―Những gì ông thấy chỉ là khởi đầu của những việc ông Sauniere đã làm.‖ (p.23)

However, in several cases, the TT leaves out certain parts in the ST, hence making the meaning of the TT less clear than that of the ST and breaching the consultative and casual style level of the ST For example:

ST TT Suggested alternative

1 ―The room was spartan –

hardwood floors, a pine

dresser, a canvas mat in the

corner that served as his

bed…‖ (p.14)

―Căn phòng rất đơn giản – sàn gỗ cứng, một cái tủ bằng gỗ thông, một cái chiếu bằng vải bạt…‖

(p.13)

Căn phòng rất đơn sơ – sàn

gỗ cứng, một cái tủ bằng gỗ thông, một cái chiếu bằng vải bạt ở góc nhà để làm giường…

2 ―…a pair of late night

lovers cuddling to stay

warm…‖ (p.18)

―…một đôi tình nhân ôm chặt nhau để giữ ấm…‖

(p.17)

…một đôi tình nhân đi chơi

về muộn ôm chặt nhau để giữ ấm…

D Province

In terms of syntactic means, past simple tense is mainly used in the ST, which is proper to a narrative fiction However, due to specific characteristics of Vietnamese language, the tense markers is not manifested in the TT apart from several sentences in which past simple tense is expressed with the word ―đã‖ such as:

+ ―Các cuốn sách của ông về các bức vẽ tôn giáo và biểu tượng thờ cúng đã làm ông

nổi danh một cách bất đắc dĩ trong giới nghệ thuật…‖ (p.8)

+ ―Ông và người quản lý đáng kính Jacques Sauniere đã sắp xếp để gặp nhau uống vài cốc bia sau buổi thuyết giảng tối nay của Langdon, nhưng ông Sauniere đã không đến (p.11)

+ ―Mỗi người đều nói cho Silas một điều giống nhau – rằng viên đá đỉnh vòm đã được

giấu khéo léo tại một vị trí ở Pari…‖ (p.14)

+ ―Sự tha thứ đã được đảm bảo.‖ (p.15)

+ ―Tôi đoán,‖ Langdon nói, ―rằng trường Đại học Mỹ ở Pari đã nói cho ông biết tôi

đang ở đâu?‖ (p.18)

Moreover, in terms of lexical means, the use of lexical items marked [+human] in the

ST is not maintained in the TT, which affects the Province of the TT Below is an example to illustrate the point:

ST TT Suggested Alternative

―Sitting up now, Langdon

frowned at his bedside Guest

Relations Handbook, whose

cover boasted: SLEEP

LIKE A BABY IN THE

CITY OF LIGHTS,

SLUMBER AT THE PARIS

RITZ.‖ (p.8)

Khi đã ngồi dậy, Langdon cau mày nhìn cuốn sổ tay liên hệ với khách hàng

được ghi những lời hoa mỹ: Hãy ngủ như một đứa

trẻ ở Kinh đô ánh sánh

Hãy thiếp ngủ ở khách sạn Ritz Pari.‖ (p.8)

Khi đã ngồi dậy, Langdon cau mày trước Cuốn sách hướng dẫn cho Khách với trang bìa khoe khoang: HÃY NGỦ NHƯ MỘT ĐỨA TRẺ Ở KINH ĐÔ ÁNH SÁNG, HÃY NGỦ SAY

Ở KHÁCH SẠN RITZ PARIS

IV.1.2 Overtly erroneous errors

Apart from the mismatches from the ST as discussed above, the TT also presents other breaches which should be taken into consideration

Firstly, in terms of breaches of the target language system, the TT shows several cases

of ungrammaticality as can be seen as follows:

mistake

Suggested alternative

1 ―The frightening

image of the curator's body

remained locked in his

mind.‖ (p.17)

Những hình ảnh đáng

sợ về thi thể của người quản lý bảo tàng vẫn bám chặt trong tâm trí ông.‖

(p.17)

Number of noun

Hình ảnh

2 ―‗This symbol here, and

the way his body is so

oddly ‘

‘Positioned?’ the agent

―‗Biểu tượng ở đây và

cách đặt thi thể ông ấy thật kỳ lạ…‘

‗Vị trí?‘ Viên cảnh sát

Translation of passive voice

―…và sự kỳ lạ trong cái cách mà cơ thể ông ấy…‖

―Được sắp xếp phải

offered.‖ (p.13) hỏi.‖ (p.12) không?‖

Moreover, several cases of dubious acceptability such as literal translation or wrong translation could be observed throughout the TT as follows

mistake

Suggested alternative

1 ―Langdon had little

doubt.‖ (p.8)

―Langdon hơi nghi ngờ.‖

(p.8)

Wrong translation

of ―little‖

Langdon không mấy nghi ngờ

2 ―If you would be so

kind‖ (p.8)

―Nếu ông đã có lòng tốt như thế‖ (p.8)

Wrong translation

of ―so‖

Nếu ông vui lòng

Secondly, in terms of mistakes in the denotative meanings of ST and TT, the following mismatches could be recognized in the text under the category of wrong selections:

mistake

Suggested alternative

1.―The man's English

was accented – a sharp,

authoritative bark.‖

(p.11)

―Tiếng Anh của người nói được kéo dài – một

giọng đầy uy quyền và nhọn sắc.‖ (p.11)

Wrong translation of

―bark‖

Tiếng Anh của người đàn ông có ngữ điệu đặc biệt – một tiếng quát sắc nhọn và đầy uy quyền

2 ―Thirty seconds

later, the crowd was

grinning,…‖ (p.10)

―Ba mươi phút sau, đám đông vẫn cười phá lên…‖ (p.9)

Wrong translation of

―seconds‖ and

―grin‖

Ba mươi giây sau, đám đông cười rần rần

IV.2 Discussion: statement of quality

From the findings above, it can be summed up that in the light of House‘s dimensions,

ST and TT have been compared particularly in terms of Medium, Social role relationship, Social attitude, and Province to discover the mismatches From all the breaches of equivalence made visible by the application of House‘s model, the following problems related

to covertly and overtly erroneous errors have been recognized

First, regarding the covertly erroneous errors, there are mismatches on the dimensions below

On the dimension Medium, the mismatch derives from the addition of contact which does not appear in the ST and changes in type of phrases, serving the translator‘s purpose of making the text more familiar to Vietnamese context

On the medium Social role relationship, the lexical mismatch in terms of use of pronouns could be seen Especially, the pronoun ―she‖ and ―her‖ used to refer to a specific and beloved thing (the Eiffel tower in this case) was mistranslated into ―trên ấy, cái tháp, trên đó‖; hence, the subtle meaning of the pronouns is lost in the TT

On the dimension Social attitude, the consultative style level of the ST was infringed more abundant words are added to the TT in order to make the text more intimate Moreover,

in several cases, the TT skips details of the ST, resulting in a loss in meaning of the ST Although the difference in style between the ST and TT is of little significance and does unremarkable negative effects on the ST‘s pragmatic meaning, it detracts from the interpersonal functional component of the text‘s function

On the dimension Province, the fact that the TT hardly uses past simple tense – a typical feature of narrative fiction and bypasses the use of lexical items marked [+human] in the ST with a view to create a fictional style partly affect the interpersonal functional components

Second, with respect to the overtly erroneous errors, the breaches discovered also detract from the interpersonal functional component The TT shows several cases of ungrammaticality, dubious acceptability such as literal translation or wrong translation, and translating mistakes in the denotative meanings of the ST However, under the light of the concept ―cultural filter‖ – a means of capturing socio-cultural differences in expectation norms and stylistic conventions between source and target linguistic-cultural communities (J House, 2001), the TT, generally, has not totally conveyed both ideational and interpersonal features of the ST

Despite the mismatches presented above, the TT shows some good translated sections that can convey both interpersonal and ideational features of the ST as follows:

1 ―Pulling his shades, he stripped naked

and knelt in the center of his room Looking

down, he examined the spiked cilice belt

clamped around his thigh All true followers

of The Way wore this device—a leather strap,

―Kéo rèm che, hắn cởi trần ra và quỳ xuống giữa phòng Nhìn xuống, hắn kiểm tra chiếc dây thắt bằng sợi lông đuôi ngựa được đóng đinh và buộc chặt quanh bắp đùi Tất cả những môn đồ chân chính của Con Đường