Biến đổi khuôn mẫu tình yêu và xuất hiện sống chung trước hôn nhân trong thanh niên hiện nay

TAP CHI KHOA HOC XA HOI SO 7(155)-2011 34 BIEN D6I K H U O N MAU TJNH YEU VA XUAT HIEN SONG CHUNG TRU'QC HON NHAN TRONG THANH NIEN HIEN NAY NGUYEN DLPC TOM TAT Dwa vio ngudn tw lieu nghien cwu va bao chi, bii viit thnh bay khii quit sw bien ddi quan he hdn nhan, die biet a chau thd sdng Hdng tw thi ky XIX din Qui trinh biin ddi dd dwgc xem nhw li mdt nhwng tiin de quan trgng cho sw xuit hien trio Iwu sdng chung trwac hdn nhin giai tre nwac ta hien DAT V A N D t Xya xa hpi Viet Nam, tinh yeu, hdn nhan la viec cOa gia dinh, ddng tdc chd- khdng phai Id chuypn rieng eda mdi ca nhdn Nguyin Van Huyen, cdng trinh Gdp phan nghien cwu van hda Viet Nam, da vilt: "Cha me quylt djnh, cai ehl cd nghe theo Tinh yeu giCpa ed dau vd chd r l khdng quan trpng Nlu ngudi khdng bing ldng ngudi chong hay ngudi vg ma bo me tim cho, thi ehl cd mdt cdeh hdnh dpng, la bd nhd di Ldc dd ngudi eon bj xem la dd-a bpi bac, vd cha me ed thi truit quyin thua k l eda anh ta" (Nguyen Van Huyen, 1996, tr 567) Han thi, d l trd thdnh vg chong 6wgc chung song cung nhau, nam nu- nien phai trai qua nhilu nghi l l khde trudc sy chd-ng kiln cua gia dinh, ddng tdc va ldng nyde Nguyen DCPC Chipn Thac sT Vien Xd hdi hpc Vien Khoa hpc Xd hpi Viet Nam CHIEN Ddo Duy Anh cdng trinh Viet Nam van hda sw cwang cung da vilt: "Qua trinh di din hdn nhan cOa nam, nu- nien thydng trai qua ba nghi Id chinh thue: li giam hay cdn gpi Id l i vin danh; l l hdi hay le npp te vd le thdn nghinh hay l l rude dau" (Ddo Duy Anh, 2002, tr 223) Sy ehuyin dli kinh tl-xa hdi sau rdng 6Viet Nam nhu-ng thap nien vu-a qua da anh hudng manh me din he thing gia tri, chuin myc vd hdnh vi sing cOa cac nhdm xa hpi cd gidi tre Hipn nay, t h i hp "8X vd 9X" dang hydng din nhu'ng quan niem va hdnh vi mdi ve cupe song, tinh ban, tinh yeu va hdn nhan Bang ehCpng thyc t l Id hp t h i hipn quan hp tinh yeu ty vd cdi md han so vdi cac thi he trudc, hay ndi cdeh khac la sy t h i hien dli ngygc vdi cha me hp Hipn tugng tham gia song chung vd cd quan hp tinh due Id mdt sy t h i hien mdi quan h? tinh yeu cOa gidi tre Viet Nam hipn No cung thydng dyge bdo ehi nyde gpi vdi mdt thuat ngu- khdc: "sing thO-" Chung ta cd t h i thiy tieu de "song thO-" hay "sing chung" dyge de cap thydng bdo vilt va bao dien tO- nhu-ng nam gin day Ban v l chO d l xa hpi cd tinh thdi sy nay, cac tdc gia cho rang hien tygng song chung tryde hdn nhan ton tai khd bien nhdm sinh vien, cdng nhdn tre ngopi tinh dang song hpc tpp va Idm vipc tpi cac NGUYEN DU'C CHIEN - BIEN OOl KHUON MAU TlNH YEU VA thdnh phi Idn nhu Hd Ndi, Hul, Dd Ning vd TPHCM Nhilu bdi vilt da dua nhdn djnh v l xu hudng sdng theo kilu nhdm cdng nhdn tre vd sinh vien ngdy edng gia tdng Dilu ddng quan tdm Id kilu sing ndy da tao ed sic ldn khdng ehl doi vdi cdc bdc cha mp md doi vdi ca du ludn xa hdi, vi nd phd vd mpi quy tie, chuin myc lien quan din hdn nhdn truyen thing nhu thilu sy tham gia vd chd-ng kiln cua gia dinh, xa hdi vdo cdc nghi l l hdn nhdn trudc hp chung sing nhu vg chdng Dya vdo nguon ty lieu nghien cd-u vd bdo chi gin ddy, bai vilt ndy d l cap sy bien doi khudn mdu tinh yeu vd xuit hien song chung trudc hdn nhan nien d dong bing sdng Hong hien Qua cde tu lieu nghien cd-u, bdi vilt se phdc hpa qua trinh ehuyin doi khudn mdu tinh yeu d dong bing sdng Hdng qua ba thdi ky: 1) Tw thi ky XIX din 1945 V l mat chinh trj, ddy Id thdi ky eda Nhd nude theo ehl thyc dan, phong kiln Cd t h i gpi ddy Id thdi ky ma tinh yeu vd hdn nhdn dwgc thyc hien theo khudn mdu eo truyen da duge djnh hinh tu- rit lau ljch su Cde hpc gia nhu Phan K l Binh, Nguyen Vdn Huyen, Toan Anh da ndi nhilu din khudn mau ndy 2) Th&i ky 1945 din 1985 Day Id thdi ky Nhd nude Viet Nam Dan chu Cdng hda dd ddi, dya tren met nguyen ly hodn todn mdi me, dd Id nhd nyde dan chO nhdn ddn Nhu-ng sy kien Idn cOa thdi ky ndy Id Cdeh mpng thang Tdm, khdng chiln ching Phdp vd My, xdy dyng chu nghTa xa hpi vdi phong trdo hgp tac hda diln mpnh me d mien Bdc Do sy tdc d|ng cOa nhu-ng sy kien chinh tri-xa hpi Idn lao nen khudn miu tinh yeu cd nhu-ng biln dli rit ca ban 3) Thoi Ddi mai tw 35 1986 din Viet Nam tiln hdnh sy nghiep Dei mdi dit nyde, nhu-ng sy kien ndi bat cua thdi ky ndy Id ddi mdi ca ehl quan ly kinh t l , diy mpnh qud trinh edng nghiep hda vd hien dpi hda dit nude Ben cpnh dd, qua trinh todn ciu hda cung cd tdc ddng mpnh me din mpi mat ddi sing cua moi ting Idp xd hdi, dd cd quan he tinh yeu, hdn nhdn cua gidi tre Qua viec trinh bdy biln doi quan he tinh yeu d dong bing sdng Hong qua cac thdi ky vd sy xuit hien song chung trudc hdn nhan gidi tre hien nay, bdi vilt cung dua mpt sd nhdn xet vd bdn ludn TU" THg KY XIX D E N 1945 Cdc tu lieu cho thiy truyin thong, ngudi Viet dd coi quan he tinh yeu, tinh due trudc hdn nhdn Id mdt hoat dpng cim ky Thi hien la cdc bdi gia huin cdc nhd Nho nhu Ho Phi Tich, Pham Vdn Nghj scan cho tdc hp minh viec ran day gdi vd phy nu phai dd-ng din, doan trang giu gin tilt hpnh (Phan Dai Dean, Nguyen Quang Ngpe, 1990) Mpt so nghien cuu v l ndng thdn Bic Bp cho thiy vdo nhCpng nam 20-30 cOa thi ky XX, d mpt so vung ndng thdn Bac Bp, cdi khdng thi ty kit hdn vdi ngudi minh yeu md phai phyc tung sy sip ddt cOa cha me, trcng dd sy trinh tilt cOa ngudi gdi Id mpt tieu chuin rit quan trpng d l duge lya ehpn (Khuit Thu Hdng, 1996) Ve tinh yeu, theo cdc nguon tdi lipu xa hpi hpc, thdi ky yeu khdng phai Id tinh cam md hiu hit cdc epp nam nCi- deu cd, md ehl ed d mpt s l ngydi, nhien, it tinh yeu dd gin lien vdi hdn nhdn "Nhieu ngudi eudi mdi bilt mpt nhau; giu-a cdc cap vg chong cung ed thi ed quan hp 36 NGUYEN DU'C CHIEN - BIEN DOI KHUON MAU TINH YEU VA thdn tinh, g i n bd vdi thyc sy, nhung dieu xay sau hdn nhdn chd- khdng phai trudc hdn nhdn" (Mai Huy Bich, 1993, tr 75) Han t h i nu-a, "nam nu- nien chua vg chua chdng thudng bj cim khdng duge tiep xde qud mat thilt vdi d l trdnh bj quyin ru bdi tinh yeu" (Nguyin Hu-u Minh, 1999, tr 1) Ngudi 1dm mli cd vai trd quan trpng quan he ban diu cua ddi Id-a "Trudc hit ngudi ta phai ken ehpn chd ndo "mdn ddng hd doi" xem ddi tudi khdng xung khic vdi mdi duge moi ldi" (Mai Van Hai, 2004, tr 7) Nhu vdy, quan he tinh yeu eda ed nhdn thdi ky trudc 1945 bj kilm sodt nghiem ngat bdi gia dinh Nam nu- nien ed rit it ea hdi hen hd, gap gd d l t h i hien tinh cam rieng tu cua minh vdi bpn khdc gidi Ve quylt djnh hdn nhan, nhieu nghien ed-u xa hdi hpc cung khing djnh md hinh quylt djnh kit hdn thdi ky khdng coi trpng tinh yeu ddi lu-a md d l cao vai trd cha me vd dng bd, dieu ndy dwgc luat phdp thua nhan Hdn nhdn cOa moi ed nhdn cd mdt vj tri eye ky quan trpng doi vdi gia dinh vd ddng hp Chinh vi vay, hdn nhdn khdng dygc coi Id vin de rieng cOa mdi ddi nien nam nu- ma chO yeu Id kit qua bdn bac slp xlp giu-a hai gia dinh "Trong cdc cupe hdn nhan Igi ich cOa ngydi thudng khdng dwgc coi trpng vd nhu-ng myc tieu rieng cOa cde bae cha me hope ngudi gid gia dinh duge ddt len hang dau" (Nguyen Hu-u Minh, 1995), (Belanger, D vd Khuit Thu Hlng, 1995, tr 2) "Viec hdn nhdn cOa eon cdi thi cha mp cd quyen ddc dodn Nlu eon cdi khdng bdng Idng ngudi vg hay ngudi chong ma cha me liy cho minh thi chi cd mpt each doi phd la bo nha ma di Song ngudi bit hieu nhu t h i thi bj gia dinh td- bd Tuy vay v l thye te thi ta thiy it cha me doi vdi eon cai phai dung thO doan quylt Net nhy thi, ma ehl dung ngdn kheo leo d l ep cho chung chju md thdi Nhieu eon cdi vi sg bat hieu md phai vdng menh cha me, roi suit ddi ngdm ding nult cay ve cudc cydng bach hdn nhan" (Mai Huy Bich, 1993, tr 75) "Sy can thipp cOa cdc bae cha me vdo viec hdn nhdn cOa edi dyge luat phap phong kiln thu-a nhdn vd Ong hd, tu luat Hlng Dd-e d the ky XV, luat Gia Long d the ky XIX, cho d i n ede bd luat Dan sy thdi ky thudc Phdp trudc nam 1945" (Nguyen Hu-u Minh, 1999, tr 28) Nhu-ng d i n chd-ng tren cho thiy d chau thd sdng Hong giai doan t h i ky XIX den 1945, quan he tinh yeu vd hdn nhan cua ca nhan bj chi phli, kiem seat bdi gia dinh Tuy nhien, vao thdi gian quan hp tinli yeu va tinh dye trudc hdn nhan khdng phai Id khdng ed Trong nghien cd-u cua nha nhdn hoc Lugng Vdn Hy ve mdt ldng a chdu thd sdng Hdng cd ndi din hien tugng ndy qua cau chuyen tinh yeu cua mpt doi trai gdi Ngudi eon trai ldc dd mdi 14 tuli, nhd gidu, yeu mpt ed gdi eon nha ngheo, hai ngudi da tu-ng cd quan hp tinh due vdi mpt dem ea ldng (Ji xem hat cheo nhung sau cha mp ngudi eon trai bat cpu ta phai liy mpt ngudi vp "mdn dang hp doi" Ngydi eon gdi sau cung liy ching mpt each binh thudng (Luong Van Hy, 1992) TO- giu-a t h i ky XIX sang diu t h i ky XX van hda phygng Tay (Phdp) tham nhpp vdo cdc thj Idn d Vipt Nam Nhyng anh hydng cOa nd cd ranh gidi rat hpp Nhu-ng tu tydng va lli sing mdi chi dwgc chip nhpn bdi mpt s l rat It cac ca nhan vd gia NGUYEN DU'C CHIEN - BIEN OOI KHUON MAU TJNH YEU VA dinh thupc tang Idp edng chO-c vd tri thd-c, nhu'ng ngydi phai 1dm viec vdi ngydi Phdp, hope dyge tilp xde vdi van hda Phdp qua hpc hdnh vd mdt so nhd thudc ting Idp thj ddn Ngay nhdm ndy sy anh hudng dd cung chi t h i hien mdt s l it cdc ITnh vye cua cupe sing ma khdng phai Id tit ca, vd cung ehl du-ng d be mat md chya thi thim sdu nhy Nho gido vd vdn hda truyin thong Dli vdi dpi bd phan ddn chdng Id ndng ddn, sdng d ndng thdn, nhung diu vit nd d l lai hiu nhu khdng ddng k l (McAlister J J., 1969), (Tuang Lai, 1991) Mac du vdy, van hda Phap da giu- met vai trd rit quan trpng cudc tin edng vdo thdnh tri Nho gido Bilu hien Id nhilu tdc pham vdn hpc cOa cde tdc gia phuang Tdy nhu Victor Hugo, George Sand, Madame De Stael, dygc cde ddc gia Vipt Nam bilt din va da cd anh hydng ddng k l din van hpc Vipt Nam luc biy gid Sau dd xuit hipn nhu-ng tdc phim van hpc phe phdn hdn nhan sip ddt vd sy hd khic eda l l gido phong kiln, benh vye tinh yeu ty dc vd ldng mpn cOa nien Nhu-ng tinh cam rieng ty cOa ca nhdn, quan he vg chong vd sinh hoat gia dinh thudng Id chu d l chinh cOa cde tdc phim ndy Tieu bilu cho trdo luu dd Id cde tdc gia Khdi Hung, Thpeh Lam, Nhit Linh, Trong thyc t l , cd le day cung Id lin d i u tien mpt so nien nam nO- thupc cac gia dinh tang Idp tren dygc ty lya ehpn ngudi bpn ddi tuang lai, duge ph6p di chai rieng vdi ban be vd ngudi yeu Dd la sy chuin bj cho quyin ty yeu dygng sau ndy Mpt so nghien cu-u xa hpi hpc cung khing djnh th§m dilu ndy Mpt tdc gia cho ring "do anh hydng cOa vdn hod phygng Tdy 37 truyin din Viet Nam vdo cuoi thi ky XIX, khudn miu hdn nhdn cha me slp xlp da dan bj cdc ting Idp nien, ddc biet cde gia dinh thygng lyu d cdc vdng dd thj phan doi" "Cde phong trdo van ddng xd hdi diu tranh cho quyen ty lya ehpn bpn ddi vd quyin binh ding nam nu- d nO-a diu thi ky XX da cd tdc ddng nhit djnh din khudn mdu slp xlp hdn nhan cdc gia dinh d dd thj" (Nguyin Hu-u Minh, 1999, tr 28) Tuy nhien, vde thdi gian dd, hien tugng ndy khd cd the duge gpi Id biln Phin ldn nien vin chua 6wgc ty tim hilu vd lya ehpn ngudi bpn ddi, hdn nhdn cua hp hodn todn cha me slp ddt Nhilu cap cho din ngdy eudi mdi bilt mat nhau, ed cap din hdng ndm sau md vin chua h i song vdi nhu vg chong (Khuit Thu Hong, 1996) Nhu vdy cdc din chung cho thiy quan hp tinh yeu vd hdn nhdn cua ngudi Vi$t d chau tho sdng Hong trudc nam 1945 rit nghiem khic Cd the ndi thdi gian ndy eg hpi gap gd hpn hd eda nien bj hpn ehl, gd bd, "nam nu- thy thy bit thdn" Tinh dye trudc hdn nhdn duge xem Id hdnh vi cim ky Qua trinh tiln din hdn nhdn phy thudc vdo ngudi mai mli vd cha me hai ben, vdy md "hdn nhdn thudng diln trudc tinh yeu" Tdm Ipi, khudn mau van hda thdi ky ndy khdng co vu cho tinh yeu, hdn nhdn xuit phat tu lya ehpn cd nhan Tuy nhien, euli thdi ky ngudi Phdp dpt chan din Vipt Nam mang theo van hda Phdp Van hda Phdp co vu tinh yeu ty cOa nien vd md diu cupe tin cdng vdo Nho gido da cd vai trd quan trpng dli vdi sy hinh thdnh nhu-ng quan dilni mdi v l quan he tinh yeu vd hdn nhdn cua ngydi Vipt d chau the sdng Hong 38 NGUYEN DU'C CHlEN - BIEN OOI KHUON MAU TINH YEU VA THOI K Y I 945 D £ N 1985 Cdeh mang thdng Tdm nam 1945 da xda bd ehl dp thyc ddn-phong kiln, xdy dyng Nhd nyde Viet Nam Dan chu Cdng hda, md diu mpt ky nguyen mdi ljch su cOa ddn tdc Viet Nam Sau chiln thing Dien Bien PhO ndm 1954, chim ddi dd hd cua thye ddn Phdp, Viet Nam byde vdo cdng cudc xdy dyng chO nghTa xd hdi d miln Bic vd bit diu cupe khdng chiln ching My d mien Nam Bdi canh xa hdi dd dd tpo dilu kien cho quan he tinh yeu vd hdn nhdn cua ngydi Viet d chdu thd sdng Hong phdt triln theo hudng mdi Boi canh xd hdi thdi ky ndy ed ve nhu rit thudn Igi cho quan he tinh yeu vd hdn nhan ty Sy kipn diu tien phai k l din Id phong trdo phan dli ede quan niem cu v l phan biet nam nu-, ve hdn nhdn slp ddt, v l quyen uy tuyet doi cOa ngydi gia trydng Hiln phdp diu tien cua Nhd nyde Viet Nam Ddn chO Cdng hda dygc ban hdnh nam 1946 nhin manh quyin binh dang nam nu- da khuyin khich ngudi phy nuVipt Nam tich eye tham gia vdo cde hoat dpng xa hpi nhu nam gidi Tilp dd, Luat Hdn nhan vd Gia dinh ndm 1960 cdng nhpn quyen ty yeu dygng vd lya ehpn cua cdi edng cd mdt y nghTa quan trpng sy biln ddi cOa quan he tinh yeu, hdn nhdn (Luat Hdn nhdn vd Gia dinh Viet Nam, 1960, tr 8) Cdng cupe xay dyng vd bao vp dit nyde thu hOt ngdy cdng nhilu nien thodt ly gia dinh, dang ky hpc tap d cdc trydng vd tham gia vdo lye lugng lao dpng d cac edng trudng, nong trudng, nha may, xi nghiep va quan dpi Cupe sing tap the, xa gia dinh Id mdi trudng thuan Igi cho cac quan hp ban be va yeu dygng cua nhu-ng ngydi tre tuoi phat triln theo hydng cd nhdn Nhu-ng co ging cOa Nhd nude viec md rpng gido dye dd ndng cao trinh dp hpc vin va tri thu-c van hda cho t h i he tre Dd la phuang tien de nhu-ng ngudi tre tuoi a chdu tho sdng Hong tilp xde vdi cac tutudng mdi vd van hda phuang Tdy, ca sa 6k hinh thdnh met lli sing mdi cung quan niem gid tri mdi v l tinh yeu v l tinh yeu, thyc t l cho thiy thdi gian quan he tinh yeu khdng t h i phdt triln theo hydng cd nhdn Ngydi ta cho ring khdng phai Id ldc de nghT din nhung tinh cam ed nhdn mIm ylu md phai hit minh ddng gdp cho sy nghiep bao ve vd xay dyng To quoc Xa hdi biy gid dau tranh cho tinh yeu nam nu- ty nhyng dong thdi cung len an gay gat quan he tinh dye ngodi hdn nhan, coi dd Id mdt tdi ldi hit sd-c nghiem trpng Giu-a mdt khung canh xa hdi md nhung quan niem cd-ng nhlc v l dao 6iyc dupe tuyet d l i hda viec ddnh gid vd quyet djnh sd phan cua ngydi thi quan he tinh dye tryde kit hdn hay ngopi tinh du dydi bit cu- ly ndo cung bj coi la quan he nam nu- bit chinh va la hdnh vi vd dao dd-e bj len an Nhu-ng ngudi vi phpm nlu bj phdt hipn se chju nhO-ng hinh thd-c ky luat ndng n l md tu- dd dja vj va nhdn phim eda hp mit ngudi khac ed t h i se khdng bao gid phuc hoi dupe nu-a Nlu hp Id dang vien hay dodn vien ma cd quan he bat chinh se bj khai trip Nlu d dja vj lanh dao se bj giang chCpc Doi vdi nhu-ng ngydi chi la sinh vien, nhan vien cdng nhan binh thudng thi nguy ca bj dull hpc hope thdi vipc tra v l dja phuang Id rit Idn Han the nu-a, hp cdn phai (J6i mat vdi sy khinh bl dy luan xung NGUYEN DU'C CHIEN - BIEN DOI KHUON MAU TINH YEU VA quanh vd sy bd rai cOa ban be, ddi cua ca gia dinh Cdn dli vdi cdc bdc cha me, quan he tinh yeu ma cd quan he tinh dye tryde hdn nhan cua gdi Id mdt viec Idm khdng thi tha thu- vi nd cd t h i din din nguy ca 1dm nhyc ea gia dinh vd Idm Id Idng cudc ddi cOa chinh ed ta Vi vay, cha me vd gia dinh bupc phai gidm sdt quan he ban be khde gidi cua cdc cd gdi rit chat che Cd ngudi cdn sg bo me din md-e khdng ddm mdi ban trai din nhd, hope nlu ed ban trai din chgi thi b l me ngoi ben canh d l "canh" Chi cin bilt gdi cd ban trai thi du chua Idm gi cd cung bj ming vd ngdn cim triet 6i Vdo thdi gian ndy quan he giu-a b l me vd edi rit xa edeh cdeh gido dye va eham sde eon cdi gia dinh Mpc du ed sy kiem sodt nghiem ngat cOa gia dinh vd xa hpi nhyng quan he tinh yeu vd ed quan hp tinh due tryde hdn nhdn vdn xay ra, nhat Id dli vdi sinh vien npi tru cdc trydng dpi hoc vd cao ding, nhdm cdng nhan ngoai tinh song xa nhd Trong dilu kipn sing xa cha me, tinh yeu da ed ca hdi d l "vygt rdo" Nhu-ng vy ky lupt bupc thdi hpc, nghi viec hope nhu-ng dam cydi sdm vdn xay khdng phai la biln Nhin chung thdi ky ndy quan hp tinh due tryde hdn nhdn cung cd nhyng khdng nhilu vd hiu nhu bao gid cung gin vdi tinh yeu Tu-c Id ldc dd tinh dye chi la sy khdng the kilm che dyge cOa tinh yeu lang mpn Quan hp tinh dye dgn thuin vi sy thoa man ma khdng ed tinh yeu it xay doi vdi nhu-ng ngudi tre tuli (Khuit Thu Hong, 1996) Mpt s l nghien cO-u xa hpi hpc cho rang mdi trudng gpp gd hpn hd cOa nien luc 39 biy gid thudng ehl hpn ehl pham vi gia dinh vd nai lam viec Thee Daniele Belanger vd Khuit Thu Hong (1995) "sy gap gd cua trai gdi ehl ed thi xay d nhu-ng nai md hdnh vi cua hp cd thi duge gidm sdt" (Belanger, D vd Khuit Thu Hong, 1995, tr 6- 8) "Doi vdi nhdm nien ngodi bien ehl nhd nude, du sinh sing d dd thj hay ndng thdn, lya chon ngudi bpn ddi, moi ngudi diu phai bdo edo vdi chi bd hay chi dodn, nai minh dang sinh hoat Vdi nhdm nien Id sinh vien, bd dpi hay cdng nhdn, vien chue, yeu ciu dd cdng chat che han Nhilu trudng hgp ca quan, td chd-c tryc tilp can thipp vac viec tim hilu vd kit hdn cua nam nu nien, nlu duang sy khdng chip thupn sy can thipp dd, hp bj khai tru- khdi ca quan, td chue" (Mai Huy Bich, 1993, tr 76; Mai Vdn Hai vd edng sy, 2003, tr 34) V l quyin quylt djnh hdn nhan, Daniele Belanger vd Khuit Thu Hong (1995) cho ring "khde biet Idn nhit hdn nhdn cua thdi ky ndy vd hdn nhdn truyin thong Id ben canh gia dinh edn cd sy tham gia eda Nhd nude vdo qua trinh din din hdn nhdn cua phin Idn cu ddn dd thj So lipu cho thiy vai trd cOa Nhd nude hdn nhdn thdng qua ca quan hope cdc to ehu-c xa hdi khdc, dli vdi nhu-ng ngudi Idm vipc thdnh phan kinh t l nhd nude" (Belanger, D vd Khuit Thu Hong, 1995, tr 3-4) "Suit thdi ky ndy, nhit Id nhu-ng nam thdng ching My cu-u nude, md mpi Igi ich ed nhdn diu khuit lip sau Igi ich cOa cdng dong vd tap thi, thi bit ky vin d l ndo duge ddt ra, k l ca vipc hdn nhdn diu phai ddt dudi sy kiem seat cOa cdng dong va tap thi" (Mai Van Hai, 2004, tr.8) 40 NGUYEN DU'C CHIEN - Nhu vdy, bli canh xa hdi thdi ky kinh t l k l hopch ed ve tpo ca hdi cho ngudi ty quan he tinh yeu Nhyng bang chd-ng ehl ring thdi ky ndy, ben canh sy kilm sodt eda gia dinh thi ca quan /dodn thi xa hdi cung can thipp vd kilm sodt nghiem ngat dli vdi cdc moi quan he tinh yeu cua cd nhdn Cd t h i sy pha trdn eda cdc khuynh hydng van hda Id nguon glc sinh nhu-ng mdu thuin giu-a suy nghT vd hdnh ddng thyc t l hay sy ton tai song song eda cdc xu hydng dli lap quan he tinh yeu d chdu thd sdng Hong thdi ky 1945-1985 THOI DOI MOI VA SU XUAT HIEN S O N G CHUNG TRONG GlOl TRE Chinh sach doi mdi, md eO-a va hdi nhap quIe t l sdu rdng cOa Viet Nam han hai thdp nien vu-a qua da tao nhu-ng thay doi ldn lao cdc ITnh vye kinh t l , vdn hda vd xa hdi Viec md rdng vd da dpng hda thdnh phin kinh te da thde diy san xuit phdt trien vd ddn d i n mdt nhu ciu ddo tao nguon nhan lye Idn cho cdc khu cdng nghipp vd thdnh Ben canh qua trinh doi mdi thi hdi nhpp kinh t l , van hda quoc te diln ngdy cdng mpnh me va sau rpng Thue t l t i t ylu din din nhu-ng biln doi quan trpng ve quan he xa hpi dd ed quan he tinh yeu Quyin ty eda cd nhdn quan he tinh yeu dwgc khang djnh, dja vj cOa phy nu- dygc cai thien rd rpt cd eg hpi nang cao thu nhpp vd dec lap ve kinh t l Trong gia dinh, cha mp mit din quyen kiem sodt doi vdi cai trydng di cy thodt ly den cdc hpc tpp vd lam vipc NhCi-ng bien doi van hda, xa hpi Id eg hpi de ngudi dan, diln hinh Id gidi tre tiep xOc vdi van hda phugng Tay qua cdc phugng tien BIEN DOI KHUON MAU TiNH YEU VA truyin thdng dpi chdng, dae biet Id internet Nhu-ng quan niem, tdm t h i vd loi song mdi da'duge hinh thdnh nhilu khia canh cua cupe song Ddng chd y nhit Id nhu-ng biln ddi quan he tinh yeu eda gidi tre dang diin manh me nhit Id d cdc Idn "Nhieu ngudi nghT ring dang co mdt cudc edeh mang tinh dye tham lang a Viet Nam" (Tran Thi Minh Thi, 2008, tr 300) v l tinh yeu, bing chung v l sy biln doi quan hp tinh yeu thdi dli mdi la so lygng ngdy cdng tang cdc bdi bdo vd ta bdo ndi ve chd d l ndy (Vien Xa hdi hoc, Ty lieu bdo hdng ngdy vd bao tuin ve hon nhdn vd gia dinh nam 2006, 2007 2008, 2009) Rit nhilu v i n d l xoay quanh tinh yeu, song thu- vd tinh dye tryde hdn nhan duge dua khdng chi tren bdo vilt ma cdn phdt tren bdo hinh vd bdo ddi Dai Tilng ndi Viet Nam phdt mdt chuyen muc "CO-a sd tinh yeu", Ddi FM phdt chuy§n myc "Cdu chuyen toi thd- bay" Dieu dang quan tam Id npi dung chinh cdc chuyen myc ndy Id cde cupe trao doi giu-a cac phdng vien, chuyen gia tu vin vdi gidi tre nhu-ng ngudi dang yeu ve cac vin de tinh yeu, tinh dye Cd ngudi cho rang sy tran ngdp cOa chO de tren cae phygng tipn thdng tin dpi chdng ed the da anh hudng d i n thilu nien vl cdc bdi bdo hay phim anh cdn ed tdc dung phy Id kich thich tinh dye vd khuyen khich Idp tre sing thoai mai, bit chip hau qua Qua thdng tin tren bao chi cdng bo nhu-ng nam gin day cd the thiy rang quan ni^m vd tam the cOa ngudi Vipt Nam, dpc bipt la gidi tre doi vdi v i n de tinh dye, tinh y6u 6^ thay doi nhieu Neu nhu-ng nam 90 cOa t h i ky trudc, du lupn xa hpi sdi nli 6h cap d i n v i n de tinh dye trudc hdn nhan NGUYEN OCfC CHIEN - BIEN DOI KHUON MAU TINH YEU VA nhu mdt bieu hipn cOa nIn dao dO-e dang bj xuong cip thi cho d i n ngudi ta cd ve nhu binh tTnh han Hinh nhu nhu-ng quan nipm mdi ve tinh yeu, tinh dye da bit diu tim duge chd dO-ng, tdm t h i vd cdeh u-ng xu mdi da bit diu dwgc hinh thdnh vd phdt trien Dieu khdng ed nghTa Id khudn miu mdi da duge chip nhan hodn todn vd rdng rdi Tuy nhien, khdng t h i khdng thua nhdn ring nhu-ng quan niem vd tdm t h i dd dang ton tpi da ed cde bing chu-ng ve nhu-ng biln doi hdnh vi tinh dye thyc t l Bing chd-ng v l quan he tinh yeu vd tinh dye tryde hdn nhdn dang phat trien mpnh me nien Id so ngdy edng tang cde ca nao hdt thai tryde hdn nhdn dyge edng b l tren bao chi vd mpt s l i n pham khoa hpc gin day Vdi tl le nao hdt thai d phy nu- la 2,5%, Vipt Nam cd ti Ip pha thai cao nhit t h i gidi (Gammeltoft, T, 2006, tr 2) Dieu tra QuIc gia ve vj thdnh nien vd nien Vipt Nam ( S A V Y 2, 2008) Id mpt s l cde cupe dilu tra quy md nhit tu- trudc din ve doi tygng thilu nien Kit qua cupe dieu tra ndy cho thiy nien hipn td cd quan nipm cdi md hgn ve quan hp tinh dye tryde hdn nhdn, cd tdi 54% thilu nien d nhdm tuoi 2225 chip nhpn quan he tinh dye tryde hdn nhdn nhdm tuli 18-21 Id 51%, d nhdm tuli 14-17 Id 36% (Tong eye Ddn so-Kl hopch hda gia dinh, Tong eye Thong ke vd Ngan hdng Phdt trien chau A, 2010, tr 59) V l quylt djnh hdn nhan, sy chuyin doi kinh t l , xa hpi miy thdp nien qua da ed tdc dpng mpnh den quan hp hdn nhdn M$c du cha mp khdng cdn kiem sodt quan he tinh y§u, gpp gd vd hpn hd cOa cdi 41 thodt ly ngodi xd hdi nhung cha mp vdn tham gia chi phli hdn nhdn Dilu ndy cung duge cdc nghien cO-u kit ludn Theo Daniele Belanger vd Khuit Thu Hlng (1995) "thanh nien cd thi ty lya ehpn ngydi yeu nen gia dinh vd ca quan khdng cdn Id nai chO ylu d l hp tim gap nu-a Trong thye t l , dja dilm vd ea hdi di tim vd hd hen ngydi yeu nhilu vd da dpng han trudc Hp cd t h i gap d rit nhilu nai, cdng khai vd khdng bj cha me kilm seat" (Belanger, D vd Khuit Thu Hong, 1995, tr 8) Mdt nghien eO-u gin ddy cho ring "sy md rdng ede mli quan he xd hdi ben ngodi gia dinh, cdng ding (trudng hoc vd nai Idm viec) dd tao dieu kien d l nien ed nhilu ea hdi Idm quen vd tim hieu bpn ddi Ddng chd y Id hien tugng nu- nien chO dpng 1dm quen vdi bpn khdc gidi Phugng tipn giao tiep hipn dpi nhu dipn thoai cung duge nien su dyng 6k 1dm quen vd tim hilu bpn ddi" (Nguyin Dwc Chien, 2004, tr 8) Mpt so nghien cuu khde cung cho bilt quyen ty chu hdn nhdn cOa eon cdi ngdy cdng tdng Trong mpt cdng trinh edng bo ndm 1999, Nguyin Hu-u Minh cho ring "sy bien dli tu- khudn mdu hdn nhan chu ylu cha mp lya ehpn bpn ddi sang khudn mdu chO ylu cd nhdn lya ehpn bat diu tryde hit cdc nhdm dan cy hpc vin cao, sing d vung dd thj ( ) Tilp sy chuyin biln bit diu lan din cdc vung ndng thdn ( ) d l rot cudc vdng 20 nam qua, da s l cdc nhdm xa hpi diu theo khudn miu hdn nhdn mdi ndy" (Nguyin Hu-u Minh, 1999, tr 35) Tuy nhien, cha me vdn chi phli quyin quyet djnh hdn nhan: Nhieu nghien cu-u xa hpi hpc khang djnh cd m|t sy biln dli 42 NGUYEN DU'C CHIEN - BIEN DOI KHUON MAU TINH YEU VA ddng k l md hinh hdn nhdn nhyng sy hau thudn cOa cha me vdn giu- vai trd quan trpng ddi vdi hdn nhan cua eon cdi Dya vdo bing chd-ng thye nghiem, Belanger Daniele vd Khuit Thu Hlng cho ring "du ed nhu-ng thay ddi ddng k l giCJ-a cde t h i he kit hdn, gia dinh vin Id trung tdm eda qud trinh tiln tdi hdn nhan: viec mit chinh thu-c vdi hai gia dinh cung nhy sy chip thudn cOa cha me vin Id nhdn t l quan trpng" (Belanger, D vd Khuit Thu Hong, 1995, tr 8) Cdn Vu Tuin Huy cung khang djnh ring "cd met sy biln ddi dang k l md hinh hdn nhdn Dd Id xu hudng eon edi ty quylt djnh viec tim hilu vd xdy dyng gia dinh ngdy edng tdng ( ) Nhu-ng biln doi dd gin liln vdi loi sing dd thj, sy tdc ddng cOa viec ndng cao trinh dp hpc vin vd thu nhap Tuy nhien, tinh ty chu hdn nhdn g i n liln vdi tinh ty chO v l kinh t l cOa eon cai trydng thdnh, dilu md giai dopn phdt trien hien cua nen kinh t l chya dam bao dygc cho edi ed t h i hodn todn quylt djnh (Vu Tuin Huy, 1996, tr 29) Tdm lai, mpt lan nu-a nhu-ng din chd-ng tren phan dnh chinh sdeh doi mdi, md eO'a vd hpi nhap quIe t l sdu rpng cua Viet Nam nhu-ng thdp nien vua qua da anh hudng manh me din quan he tinh yeu cOa ngudi Vipt d chdu tho sdng Hong Nhu-ng khudn miu van hda truyen thong khdng cdn can thipp vd kiem sodt qua manh quan he tinh yeu cOa t h i he tre Vipc md rpng eg hdi hpc tap, lam viec ngoai gia dinh da giOp the hp tre dd cd sinh vien ty chO hgn cupe sing, cha mp han ehl din quyen kilm sodt Chinh thyc t l ndy tpo dilu kien cho nhu-ng sinh vien t h i hipn cudc song, cde mli quan he ban be vd tinh yeu theo gid tri khde vdi t h i he trudc Quan he hdn nhan dang d i n d i n "tu tinh yeu tiln d i n hdn nhdn" ehu khdng phai "hdn nhdn thudng diin trudc tinh yeu' nhu qud khd-! Tuy nhien, mdt so bieu hien dang t i n tai moi quan he tinh yeu cOa sinh vien hien nhu "tinh yeu chdp nhodng" "song thu-" vd quan he tinh dye trudc hdn nhdn phdt triln ed xu hudng lan rdng Cd t h i ndi quan he tinh yeu, hon nhdn gidi tre ndi chung dang bien chuyin da dang phd-c tap, d l lai nhilu hau qua lo ngpi doi vdi gia dinh vd xd hpi Viet Nam duang dpi MOT SO NHAN XET VA B A N LUAN Nhu-ng d i n ehCpng tren gdp phin phdc hpa bd-e tranh v l sy ehuyin doi khudn mau tinh yeu eda ngudi Viet d Dong bing song Hong tu- t h i ky XIX din Nd cho thay, quan hp tinh yeu bj chi phdi bdi khung canh xa hdi vd van hda d moi thdi ky Dilm ndi bat Id nd cho thiy qud trinh bien doi khudn mdu tinh yeu tu cha mp kilm scat manh sang tu ea nhdn ngdy cang phdt trien dau t h i ky XIX din 1945, anh hudng cOa Nho gido nen khudn miu van hda khdng eo vu cho ty tinh yeu vd hon nhdn Thanh nien khdng ed eg hpi gpp ga hpn hd Tinh dye tryde hdn nhan dupe xem la hdnh vi cim ky Quan hp tinh y§u phy thupc vdo ngudi mai moi va cha m? hai ben, cd the ndi hdn nhan thdi ky thudng dien trudc tinh yeu Tuy nhien, vdo cuoi thdi ky ndy, sy dd hp cua ngu-ai Phdp vd van hda Phdp co vu tinh yeu ty cOa nien d thdnh pho; dilu dd md d i u phong trdo phan khdng tan cdng vdo khudn miu van hda Nho gido, va TCP NGUYEN DU'C CHIEN - BIEN OOI KHUON MAU TINH YEU VA byde diu ed vai trd quan trpng ddi vdi sy hinh thdnh nhu'ng quan dilm mdi v l quan he tinh yeu Trong thdi ky 1945-1985, bli canh xa hdi mdi cua thdi ky ndy ed ve tao ca hdi cho cen ngudi tu quan he tinh yeu Nhu viec thodt ly gia dinh di hpc tap, Idm vipc, vd tham gia qudn dpi da tpo nhilu ea hdi cho quan he tinh yeu phdt triln theo hudng ea nhan Nhung thyc te quan he tinh yeu nhu bj silt chat han; ben canh viec gia dinh tilp tyc kilm sodt, cdn cd them sy can thipp nhd trydng, ca quan, dodn thi xa hdi vdo mli quan he tinh yeu rieng tu cua ed nhdn Cd t h i ndi nhu-ng quan nipm eO-ng nhlc ve tinh yeu thdi ky bj pha trdn vd ehi phli tu- nhilu khudn mdu van hda khde Dilu ndy din din xa hpi sinh nhu-ng mdu thuin giu'a suy nghT vd hdnh ddng thye t l hay sy ton tpi song song cua cde xu hydng doi lap quan he tinh yeu Thdi Doi mdi, tu- 1986 din nay, vdi chinh sdeh md cO-a vd hdi nhap quoc t l dien sau rpng da anh hydng mpnh me din quan he tinh yeu cOa ngydi Viet d chdu tho sdng Hong Qua trinh hdn nhan dang tiln theo hudng mdi "tu tinh yeu tiln din hdn nhdn" Nhu-ng khudn miu truyin thong khat khe quan he tinh yeu khdng t h i tilp tyc can thipp vd kilm sodt manh viec ty tinh yeu cOa t h i he tre, md rpng cde ea hpi hpc tap, Idm viec ngodi gia dinh, nang cao hoc vin vd thu nhap da gidp thi hp tre ty chu cudc song vd quan hp tinh yeu; ben canh dd khdng edn sy can thipp cOa eg quan, dodn the xa hdi vdo ddi sing rieng ty cd nhan Hpi nhpp quoc t l di cung vdi nd Id sy du nhpp Idn sdng van hda d l cao ty ed nhan da dygc t h i 43 he tre tilp nhdn mdt each triet d l thdng qua cdc phuang tien truyin thdng dpi chdng hien dpi Chinh thye t l ndy dang Idm biln ddi nhanh chdng ede quan he xd hpi dd cd quan he tinh yeu Hien nay, gidi tre t h i hien cudc sing, quan he bpn be vd tinh yeu theo gid tri mdi "edi md", "thyc dung" han so vdi cdc thi he trudc Quan he tinh yeu chdp nhodng, song thu-; quan he tinh dye trudc hdn nhan dang phdt trien lan rdng gidi tre, ddc biet Id nhdm sinh vien, cdng nhdn d ede thdnh phd ldn Cd t h i ndi, dieu ndy dang dat nhilu thach thu-c dli vdi gia dinh vd xa hdi Viet Nam • TAI LIEU T H A M KHAO Belanger, D vd Khuit Thu Hlng 1995 Mgt sd biin ddi hdn nhin va gia dinh a Hi Ndi nhwng nam 1965-1992 Tap chi Xa hpi hpc Sd Ddo Duy Anh 2002 Viet Nam van hda sw cwang Hd Npi: Nxb Van hda Thdng tin Gammeltoft, T 2006 Li mgt ngwai die biet ddi vdi mdt dd (vin di tinh due t^i dd thj xa hdi Viet Nam dwang dai) Hd Npi: Nxb Thi gidi http://www.thanhnien.com.vn/doisong, truy cdpl 8/7/2008; vnexpress.net, truy cdp 20/4/2007; ngoisao.net/new/diendan, tmy cdp 23/4/2009;dantri.com.vn/nhipsongtre,truycEp 13/7/2006; hoilhpn.org.vn, truy cap 23/4/2008; bulletin.vnu.edu.vn/btdhqghn/vietnamese, truy cap 23/04/2006; Laodong.com.vn truy cap 27/06/2007 Luat Hdn nhin vi Gia dinh Vigt Nam 1960 1970 Hd Npi: Nxb Phu nu- Luong Van Hy 1992 Revolution in the Village: Tradition and Transformation in North Vietnam (1925-1988) University of Hawaii Press Honolulu 44 NGUYEN OCC CHIEN - BIEN OOI KHUON MAU TINH YEU VA Mai Huy Bich 1993 Die diim gia dinh 16 Phan Dai Doan, Nguyen Quang Ngoc ddng bing sdng Hdng Hd Ndi: Nxb Vdn hda 1990 Mdi quan he ling, hg vi gia dint) truyin thdng Tap chi Xa hdi hpc Sd Thdng tin Mai Vdn Hai vd cdng su 2003 Vi sw biin ddi md hinh phong tuc hdn nhin a chiu thd sdng Hdng qua may thip nien gin diy Tpp chi Xa hpi hpc Sd 17 Khuit Thu Hdng 1996 Cic md hinh hon nhin a Ddng bing sdng Hong tw truyen thdng din hien dai Ludn dn phd tiln sT Thuvien Vipn Xd hdi hpc Mai Van Hai 2004 Sw ma rdng dwang bin kinh kit hdn han nwa the ky qua a mdt lang chiu thd sdng Hdng Hdi thao Gia dinh Viet Nam hign Dai hpc Khoa hpc Xa hpi vd Nhdn van Hd Npi 18 Khuit Thu Hlng 1996 Hghien cwu tint) due a Vigt Nam Bdo cao Hdi ddng Ddn s6 Hd Ndi nghien cwu van hda Viet Nam Hd Npi: Nxb Khoa hpcXa hdi 22 Vipn Xa hdi hpc Tw ligu bio hing ngiiy vi bio tuin vi hdn nhin vi gia dinh; vi siec khde sinh sin vi tudi vj thinh nien nam 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009 19 Tdng cue Ddn s l - K l hoach hda gia dinh, Tdng eye Thing ke vd Ngdn hdng Phat triln 10 McAlister J J 1969 Vietnam: The Origins chdu A 2010 Diiu tra Qudc gia vi vj of Revolution Alfred A Knoft New York nien vi nien Viet Nam (SAVY 2) 11 Nguyen Dwc Chipn 2004 Lwa chgn ban 20 Tuang Lai 1991 Nhwng nghien cwu xa ddi cua nien ndng thdn hien Tpp hdi hgc vi gia dinh Vigt Nam - Ldi gidi thieu chi Nghien cuu Phu nu S l Hd Npi: Nxb Khoa hpc Xd hpi 12 Nguyen Huu Minh 1995 Tudi kit hdn 21 Tran Thi Minh Thi 2008 Sexual lin dau a Viit Nam Tap chi Xd hdi hpc S l Behaviours among Rural People {The Provinces of Yen Bai, Thua Thien Hue and 13 Nguyen Huu Minh 1999 Quyin tw Tien Giang) Rural Families in Transitional li/a chgn b^n dai a mgt sd tinh Ddng bing sdng Hdng: truyin thdng vi biin ddi Tap chi Vietnam (Edited by Trinh Duy Luan, Helle Rydstrom, Wil Burghoorn) Social Sciences Xd hpi hpc Sd Publishing House, Hanoi 14 Nguyen Vdn Huyen 1996 Gdp phan 15 Phan Dieu Ly 2008 Gender and Opinions about Sexuality" (Tien Giang Province) Rural Families in Transitional Vietnam (Edited by Trinh Duy Luan, Helle Rydstrom, Wil Burghoorn) Social Sciences Publishing House Hanoi 23 Vu Tuin Huy 1996 Tic ddng cua biin ddi kinh ti-xa hdi den mgt sd khia canh cua gia dinh Viet Nam Hd Npi: Nxb Chinh trj QuIe gia  ... l l hdn nhdn trudc hp chung sing nhu vg chdng Dya vdo nguon ty lieu nghien cd-u vd bdo chi gin ddy, bai vilt ndy d l cap sy bien doi khudn mdu tinh yeu vd xuit hien song chung trudc hdn nhan nien... doi quan he tinh yeu d dong bing sdng Hong qua cac thdi ky vd sy xuit hien song chung trudc hdn nhan gidi tre hien nay, bdi vilt cung dua mpt sd nhdn xet vd bdn ludn TU" THg KY XIX D E N 1945 Cdc... song xa nhd Trong dilu kipn sing xa cha me, tinh yeu da ed ca hdi d l "vygt rdo" Nhu-ng vy ky lupt bupc thdi hpc, nghi viec hope nhu-ng dam cydi sdm vdn xay khdng phai la biln Nhin chung thdi