OCTOBER All I know from my own experience is that the more loss we feel the more grateful we should be for whatever it was we had to lose It means we had something worth grieving for The ones I’m sorry for are the ones that go through life not even knowing what grief is —FRANK O’CONNOR This is cold comfort just now—the thought that we should be grateful we’re not like those poor unfortunates who have never loved anyone this much Consumed as we are by our grief, we cannot imagine being in such a situation Perhaps we are a little indignant, too—it’s supposed to make us feel better that there are people infinitely worse off than we? But we know we wouldn’t trade with them—wouldn’t trade the years we’ve enjoyed the presence of our loved one for freedom from pain—at the cost of never having known this loved person at all No, that’s not a bargain we ever wanted to strike What we want is to have our loved one back, in health and safety But since that’s not possible, maybe it would temper our grief a little to acknowledge how blessed we are to have had a love that rich Though the person has gone, the gift that that love has been goes on and on and on Saddened as I am by loss, my heart lifts in gratitude for the richness has brought to my life OCTOBER As the months pass and the seasons change, something of tranquillity descends, and although the well-remembered footstep will not sound again, nor the voice call from the room beyond, there seems to be about one in the air an atmosphere of love, a living presence…It is as though one shared, in some indefinable manner, the freedom and the peace, even at times the joy, of another world where there is no more pain…The feeling is simply there, pervading all thought, all action When Christ the healer said, “Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted,” he must have meant just this —DAPHNE DU MAURIER There are stages and stages of grieving and they come and go, inconstant But after a while, even though the dips and swells continue to appear, there seems to seep into the life of the griever a confidence, hard-won, that underlies all the swirls and tides of life’s ongoing struggles and joys A sense that we have hit rock bottom and come slowly back, and that, though we will have further trials and doubts (and we will!), there is a level of stability and confidence which, even in dark hours, we will know is there and will not let us drop through the bottom of the sea The eternal God is thy refuge and underneath are the everlasting arms.—Deuteronomy 33:27 OCTOBER Great Spirit, now I pray to you… Great Spirit, hear me; My soul is weary, Now I pray that your spirit will dwell in me —KIOWA PRAYER Sometimes we are so tired Grief is tiring Our sorrow saps our strength and resolve, and the one for whom we grieve—who was often a source of energy and strength to us—is gone So we mourn our loss—and who is there to help us? There are many to help us—friends, other family members, whatever communities of support we are a part of Still, a pervasive sense of fatigue, and even despair, can seem our constant companion Now is the time to risk believing The time to risk believing that there is, in the structure of the universe, a Spirit that waits, in longing and welcome, for us to turn and say, “Come to me Fill me with your presence I cannot handle this by myself Help me Be my energy, and my rest.” We may be surprised at the lift this gives us, an easing of our burden, a sense that we are not alone Spirit, whoever you are, wherever you are, be with me now OCTOBER I sit on the rich, moist earth, green earth, and draw my knees to my chest All is not lost The birds have simply moved on They give me the courage to the same —TERRY TEMPEST WILLIAMS At this time of year in some parts of our country, we begin to see the birds fly south for a long season How they know? How will they know to come back? The answers are out of our hands The processes of life go on, irrespective of our knowledge or ignorance How reassuring that we don’t need to know, that the Creator who set the globes of the solar system spinning does know And the birds come back Can we extend the same trust to our experiences of loss and renewal? Can we watch birds go, secure in the expectation of their return? Can we say goodbye to our loved ones—not in the expectation that they will come flying back in the spring, but that, in ways we cannot know, they will continue to be present to us, continue to love us, as we continue to love them? In the turning of the seasons, I find promise and hope OCTOBER When she came through the door of the children’s room she could feel his presence as strongly throughout the room as if she had opened a furnace door; the presence of his strength, of virility, of helplessness, and of pure calm —JAMES AGEE People have described in many ways this sense of a transformed presence at the time of or soon after death For some it is just that—a sense of presence Others report a conversation in which the one who has died asks reassurance that it’s all right to go Still others tell of observing on the face of the dying person, and perhaps in some final utterances, what appears to be a reunion with loved ones who have gone before What are we to make of these experiences? Surely they have profound and personal meanings to those present But even for those of us who only hear about them, they are at the very least a hint that life moves on from death, and they offer hope that we shall be with our loved ones again Before the mystery of death, let us stand with open hearts and minds ... —DAPHNE DU MAURIER There are stages and stages of grieving and they come and go, inconstant But after a while, even though the dips and swells continue to appear, there seems to seep into the... for whom we grieve—who was often a source of energy and strength to us—is gone So we mourn our loss? ??and who is there to help us? There are many to help us—friends, other family members, whatever... system spinning does know And the birds come back Can we extend the same trust to our experiences of loss and renewal? Can we watch birds go, secure in the expectation of their return? Can we say goodbye