AMANDA (V.O.)
My dearest Joshua. As always, I miss you with
everything I am.
EXT. AMANDA’S HOUSE—AFTERNOON
Thomas sits on his trusty 1940 Schwinn Classic bicycle,
his brown-bag lunch sits in the plastic basket hanging
above the front tire. A speedometer and mileage counter
are attached to the handlebars, and two “U.S. Postal”
saddlebags hang from the seat. Thomas takes a bite out
of his sandwich, his eyes never leaving Amanda’s front
door.
AMANDA (V.O.)
Christmas is coming, as it tends to do each year,
and I am still in solitude. This time of year holds
no joy, only loneliness.
Amanda stands on her front porch, completely unaware
of Thomas’s watchful eyes. She is trying to hang a
wreath on her door, but just can’t seem to get it.
AMANDA
Darn it!
Thomas looks on with an aching love. Her frustration is
not hers alone. He cringes as she tries . . . and fails.
STEVE, another mailman, comes walking down the
sidewalk. Thomas jumps at the sound of his voice.
STEVE
Hey, Tom. Whatchya doin’?
Thomas quickly glances at Amanda. His foot kicks the
pedal.
THOMAS
I was . . . was just eatin’ my sandwich, here.
STEVE
Awful far for lunch ain’t it?
THOMAS
I was . . . just, here, on the route.
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STEVE
Aw yeah, I didn’t think you delivered here no more.
THOMAS
I, ah, yeah, I had myself transferred to the office.
STEVE
The office?
Thomas starts the bike in motion.
THOMAS
It was good seeing you, Steve.
Steve smiles uncertainly.
STEVE
Yeah, you too.
Thomas makes like a tree.
Amanda finally hangs her wreath and, with a last
glance, walks inside and closes the door.
The wreath hangs as a delicate symbol of Christmas,
then falls to the ground with a loud SMASH.
CUT TO:
INT. DEAD LETTER OFFICE—AFTERNOON
Thomas sits reading the last of Cyrano. The brown-bag
lunch finished and crumpled in front of him. Chuck
appears from the back of the room.
He holds up a very tacky, see-through negligee.
CHUCK
Deb’s secret Santa gift. What do you think?
Thomas looks up from his readings.
THOMAS
You bought that?
CHUCK
Naw, it was in the back. Package didn’t have a
return address. Saved myself five bucks.
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THOMAS
I guess it’s the thought that counts.
CHUCK
Damn right. What’d you get for your ole’ lady?
THOMAS
Oh, I . . . I wouldn’t even know what to . . . She
deserves more than I could give her.
Chuck shoves his lacy gift in a drawer and begins to
throw letters into their appointed boxes.
CHUCK
Still haven’t talked to her, huh?
THOMAS
Uh, not yet.
Chuck faces Thomas.
CHUCK
Fupper, you gotta take the bull by the balls.
He crumples the letter he is holding into a ball.
CHUCK
This Stevie Wonder, secret lover crap has gone on
for much too long.
THOMAS
It’s still too early.
CHUCK
It’s been two years! She writes to her dead
husband for God sakes; you can’t tell me she
doesn’t need a friend.
THOMAS
I don’t want to rush it.
Chuck shrugs his shoulders.
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CHUCK
Hey, it’s your day at the track, but if you ask me,
no one likes to bet on a horse that shows.
The SOUND of Thomas’s bicycle.
CUT TO:
EXT. AMANDA’S HOUSE
Thomas sits on his bike across the street straightening
his bow tie. A suit that appears to be one size too small
rests on his bony frame. A single daisy sits in his
basket.
THOMAS
Hello, my name is Thomas Fupper. I’m a mailman
at the . . . uh, post office, and I’ve been reading . . .
He takes a deep breath, smoothes his eyebrows, grabs
the flower, and dismounts his bike.
EXT. AMANDA’S FRONT WALK
Thomas approaches the cement walkway.
THOMAS
Hello, my name . . . is Thomas Fupper. I’ve been . . .
I mean I work at the Dead Letter Office . . .
Thomas’s footsteps falter. His last remaining words
sink in, and he halts, his foot near the edge of the
path. He stares as if seeing the house for the first
time.
Go! Go, Goddammit! Nothing. Thomas wilts, he can’t go
through with it. He gingerly lays the daisy down on the
cement slab of the walkway. He retraces his steps, a
beaten man. Thomas speeds away just as Amanda
rounds the corner and comes to her walkway. A daisy.
She picks up the abandoned flower and looks around. No
one. Must have fallen out of a bunch. She moves toward
her house, cradling the flower.
CUT TO:
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INT. AMANDA’S HOUSE—NIGHT
The daisy sits in a glass on Amanda’s T.V. dinner stand.
She’s eating a Swanson frozen dinner “Beef Surprise.”
The television blares some nonsensical movie of the
week, in which Amanda is deeply involved.
We PULL OUT to reveal a set of men’s clothing neatly
laid out as if someone was sitting there. Beside the suit
is a small child’s outfit, propped under the invisible
man’s arm. It looks like a normal family at rest, minus
the family. Amanda reaches over and takes the empty
sleeve in her hand, as if taking the arm of a loved one.
A distracted smile remains on her face.
CUT TO:
INT. THOMAS’S APARTMENT—NIGHT
The dingy little room is lit by a single lightbulb hanging
from the cracked ceiling. Thick, floral print wallpaper
clings to the sheet rock. A Charlie Brown Christmas tree
slouches in the corner.
A picture of Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers dancing in
the snow is taped to the wall.
Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer laments from the
television.
Thomas sits in an overstuffed armchair. (The next
sequence of shots will be done as we dolly behind
Thomas’s head.) He raises a cup of cider to his lips.
Drinks. Lowers the cup.
Drinks again. The cup disappears from sight. He raises
his hand and places a gun in his mouth.
Christmas lights blink. The steel barrel knocks against
his teeth. A tear rolls down his sallow cheek. Rudolph.
Thomas yanks the gun out of his mouth and sinks down
onto the orange shag rug. The gun slips from his
fingers.
GRAPHIC MATCH:
INT. DEAD LETTER OFFICE—DAY
A child’s drawing of Santa lying in a pool of blood. Below,
in the hand writing of an eight-year-old, are the words:
SANTA LIES.
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Chuck shakes his head as he examines it.
CHUCK
Merry Christmas. Jesus.
Thomas sorts through hundreds of letters. Boss comes
busting in. More letters, and he’s not pleased.
BOSS
I wish I was packing. If I was packing, I’d blow
some heads clear off their necks.
Thomas gingerly takes the sacks from his boss. Resigned
to being unarmed, Boss sinks into a chair.
BOSS
At least it’s the last day of this holiday horseshit.
CHUCK
That’s more in the spirit, Boss.
BOSS
You can suck my spirit.
Chuck drops his bag and faces Boss.
CHUCK
Now, did the good man from the North Pole person
really piss in your Corn Flakes? Or does being an
ass hole just die hard?
BOSS
You have a problem with me, Mr. Slates?
CHUCK
In fact I do. Tom and I were wondering why people
like you find it necessary to puke on everybody
else’s parade?
BOSS
This true, Fupper?
Thomas looks up, dazed.
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THOMAS
Yeah, sure.
CHUCK
You’d think you were the only guy ever to get his
ass kicked by a holiday.
Boss stands up.
BOSS
You want to know the last time I ever celebrated
Christmas? December 24, 1959. That’s the last
time my mother ever brought home a stinking pair
of orange jogging pants. Every year she’d come
home from that stinkin’ pants factory and every
year she’d have that brown paper package. Three
pairs of extra-large orange jogging pants. You
know what that does to a kid, havin’ to go back
after every Christmas break wearin’ oversized,
polyester orange pants. Let me tell you, it teaches
you that Christmas good tidings don’t last much
past the twenty-fifth of the month.
Thomas and Chuck stand silent.
BOSS
So I decide I’m not gonna do it no more, not this
year. She walks in with this big ham-hock-eatin’ grin
on and hands me that package. I flung that orange
bomb so hard across the room I could hear it tearin’
in mid-flight, “I’m not wearin’ those fuckin’ orange
pants no more!!! I hate ‘em and I hate you!” Well
my mother, she starts to cry and she doesn’t stop,
in fact she keeps cryin’ right out the front door. I
looked over at that torn brown package and there
they were, pretty as could be, a pair of spankin’
new blue jeans. That’s the last time I ever saw the
woman who gave me this rat trap of a life. See, I’m
not pretending my life isn’t an empty piece of crap.
So if it pleases you to eat your turkey and shove a
couple of potatoes down your gizzard, then be my
guest. Just leave me the fuck alone.
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. a pool of blood. Below,
in the hand writing of an eight-year-old, are the words:
SANTA LIES.
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couple of potatoes down your gizzard, then be my
guest. Just leave me the fuck alone.
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