Lean out the truth about women, power, and the workplace

PRAISE FOR LEAN OUT “Marissa’s refreshing voice about systemic cognitive bias and the mental limitations holding women back—while supporting maleness—rings true with well-researched, commonsense insights that speak to the experiences of women in corporate America Marissa is right about female traits like empathy, honesty, listening, and relationship competency being undervalued Her candor and experiences in two tech-world giants are grounding, as they present scenarios and characters from across today’s corporate environments Energized while reading Lean Out, I found myself repeatedly saying, ‘YES, that’s right!’ Marissa is spot-on as she pulls the covers off how the game is played The ideas presented here for driving change are powerful, clear, and actionable This book is a must read for insights on the impact that reversing systemic gender biases can have on creating more diverse, healthier workplaces for both women and men.” —Joanne Harell, Senior Director, USA Citizenship, Microsoft “For the first time in a long time, I finally read a book that states clear facts around the gender issues, with sound research backing the assumptions, in a simple way for men and women to comprehend This book should be read by leaders of all types, as it provides a fresh perspective on valuing oneself without shame or blame, while preparing the reader for the corporate ladder.” —Dr Betty Uribe, Executive Vice President, California Bank & Trust and author of #Values: The Secret to Top Level Performance in Business and Life “Lean Out is a highly readable book that has ‘leaned in’ and listened to many—and maybe the majority of—women in the workplace Many, many women will proclaim, ‘Finally, an honest book that gets me, who I am, where I am, where I’m trying to get to, and the myriad of roadblocks stopping me.’ If you’re a working woman, read it to feel validated and less alone and uplifted in your struggle.” —Mark Goulston, author of Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone “This book will make you think differently about what it will take for women to succeed in American business, by exploding myth after myth with cogent arguments and simple common sense.” —Rishad Tobaccowala, Chief Growth Officer, Publicis Groupe “Lean Out spoke directly to my corporate experience In fact, I left my tech career because I felt I couldn’t be ‘nice’ and still get ahead I wish I had the clarity I found in Lean Out earlier in my career This book is a game changer and a must read for every young woman (and man) starting their career.” —Ali Spain, Executive Director, Microsoft Alumni Network “Marissa Orr’s Lean Out is the natural complement to Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In Real, honest, and practical, Orr’s wisdom empowers readers in both their career paths and personal lives to find significant meaning and well-being in all they and achieve No job may be great enough for the human spirit, but Orr reframes the perspective of success to alter our perception of what really matters A brilliant addition to the library of talent development and diversity and inclusion and why twenty-first-century business can’t survive without them.” —Paul Falcone, author, 101 Tough Conversations to Have with Employees Copyright © 2019 by Marissa Orr All rights reserved No portion of this book may be used or reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or other—except for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher Published by HarperCollins Leadership, an imprint of HarperCollins Focus LLC Any internet addresses, phone numbers, or company or product information printed in this book are offered as a resource and are not intended in any way to be or to imply an endorsement by HarperCollins Leadership, nor does HarperCollins Leadership vouch for the existence, content, or services of these sites, phone numbers, companies, or products beyond the life of this book Epub Edition April 2019 9781595557759 ISBN 978–1–5955–5775–9 (eBook) ISBN 978–1–5955–5756–8 (HC) ISBN 978–1–4002–1604–8 (ITPE) Library of Congress Control Number: 2019934279 Printed in the United States of America 19 20 21 22 23 LSC 10 Information about External Hyperlinks in this ebook Please note that endnotes in this ebook may contain hyperlinks to external websites as part of bibliographic citations These hyperlinks have not been activated by the publisher, who cannot verify the accuracy of these links beyond the date of publication For my parents, whose unconditional love has given me the courage to think for myself, out loud Contents Author’s Note Prologue: A Series of Fortunate Events Introduction PART I Chapter 1: Silencing the Lambs Chapter 2: Free to Be Just Like Me Chapter 3: The Confidence Gap Chapter 4: Putting the Men in Mentor Chapter 5: School vs Work Chapter 6: #SorryNotSorry PART II Chapter 7: The Power Reward Chapter 8: It’s the System, Stupid! PART III Chapter 9: A New Way Forward Chapter 10: Well-Being vs Winning Acknowledgments Notes Index About the Author 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 Brains-Fall-for-False-Expertise-and-How-to-Stop-It Gert Stulp et al., “Human Height Is Positively Related to Interpersonal Dominance in Dyadic Interactions,” PLoS One 10, no (February 26, 2015), https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4342156/; and Sean Nealon, “Wide-Faced Men Negotiate Nearly $2,200 Larger Signing Bonus,” Medical Press, July 23, 2014, https://medicalxpress.com/news/2014-07-wide-faced-men-larger-bonus.html Nancy M Blaker et al., “The Height Leadership Advantage in Men and Women: Testing Evolutionary Psychology Predictions About the Perceptions of Tall Leaders,” Group Processes and Intergroup Relations 16, no (2013): 17–27, https://doi.org/10.1177/1368430212437211 Malcolm Gladwell, Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking (New York: Little, Brown, 2005), 87 Michael P Haselhuhn et al., “Negotiating Face-to-Face: Men’s Facial Structure Predicts Negotiation Performance,” Leadership Quarterly 25, no (October 2014): 835–84, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.leaqua.2013.12.003 Nassim Nicholas Taleb, The Black Swan: The Impact of the Highly Improbable, 2nd ed (New York: Random House, 2010), 132 Bryce Nelson, “Aggression: Still a Stronger Trait for Males,” New York Times, June 20, 1983, https://www.nytimes.com/1983/06/20/style/aggression-still-a-stronger-trait-for-males.html; Patrick Ring et al., “Gender Differences in Performance Predictions: Evidence from the Cognitive Reflection Test,” Frontiers in Psychology (2016), https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5089055/; and Susan E Cross and Laura Madson, “Models of the Self: Self-Construals and Gender,” Psychological Bulletin 122, no (1997): 5–37, https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.122.1.5 Ashraf Labib and Martin Read, “Not Just Rearranging the Deckchairs on the Titanic: Learning from Failures through Risk and Reliability Analysis,” Safety Science 51, no (2013): 397– 413, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ssci.2012.08.014; and Don Moore and Samuel A Swift, “The Three Faces of Overconfidence in Organizations,” in Social Psychology and Organizations, ed David De Cremer, Rolf van Dick, and J Keith Murnighan (New York and East Sussex: Routledge, 2010), 147–84 Elizabeth Harris, “Q&A: Michael Lewis on Revisiting Moneyball, Male Overconfidence and the Future of Finance,” Forbes, January 24, 2017, https://www.forbes.com/sites/elizabethharris/2017/01/24/qa-michael-lewis-on-revisitingmoneyball-male-overconfidence-and-the-future-of-finance/#344dd9aa698d Jeff Sommer, “How Men’s Overconfidence Hurts Them as Investors,” New York Times, March 13, 2010, https://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/14/business/14mark.html Sommer, “Men’s Overconfidence.” Dan Ariely, “Are We in Control of Our Own Decisions?” TED video, December 2008, https://www.ted.com/talks/dan_ariely_asks_are_we_in_control_of_our_own_decisions? language=en Chip Heath and Dan Heath, Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard (New York: Crown Business, 2010), Heath and Heath, Switch, 1–3 “National Obesity Rates & Trends,” State of Obesity (website), accessed January 31, 2019, https://stateofobesity.org/obesity-rates-trends-overview/ 18 Emily Stewart, “Women Are Running for Office in Record Numbers In Corporate America, They’re Losing Ground,” Vox, June 8, 2018, https://www.vox.com/policy-andpolitics/2018/6/8/17413254/women-fortune-500-ceos-politics-blue-wave CHAPTER 9: A NEW WAY FORWARD Robert Greene, The 48 Laws of Power (New York: Penguin, 2000) See the contents pages for the list of all forty-eight laws Adapted from Julia Rozovsky, “The Five Keys to a Successful Google Team,” re:Work (Google blog), November 17, 2015, https://rework.withgoogle.com/blog/five-keys-to-a-successfulgoogle-team/ Rozozsky, “Five Keys.” Tae Kim, “Ray Dalio Made $50 Billion for His Clients, Topping List of Biggest Hedge Fund Moneymakers Ever,” CNBC, January 26, 2018, https://www.cnbc.com/2018/01/26/ray-daliomade-50-billion-for-his-clients-topping-list-of-biggest-hedge-fund-money-makers-ever.html Ray Dalio, “How to Build a Company Where the Best Ideas Win,” TED video, April 2017, https://www.ted.com/talks/ray_dalio_how_to_build_a_company_where_the_best_ideas_win? language=en More information and resources on Bridgewater’s tools, including Dot Collector, are included in the appendix of his book Principles, so I won’t go into detail on how they work from a technical perspective See Ray Dalio, Principles (New York: Simon & Schuster, 2010), 545– 52 Dalio, “How to Build a Company.” Dalio, Principles, 531 Chip Heath and Dan Heath, Decisive: How to Make Better Choices in Life and Work (New York: Crown Business, 2013), 36 10 Heath and Heath, Decisive, 36; emphasis in original 11 Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World: A Handbook for Personal Liberty (New York: Macmillan, 1973), 68 12 O C Tanner, “The Business Case for Recognition: The Latest Research, Compelling Insights, and the Benefits of Effective Recognition,” 2015, https://www.octanner.com/content/dam/octanner/documents/white-papers/OCT15_the-business-case-for-recognition-white-paper.pdf 13 Josh Bersin, “New Research Unlocks the Secret of Employee Recognition,” Forbes, June 13, 2012, https://www.forbes.com/sites/joshbersin/2012/06/13/new-research-unlocks-the-secretof-employee-recognition/#789add845276 14 Rob Danna, “Recognition in the Workplace: It’s Not What You Think It Is,” Forbes, February 28, 2018, https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbescommunicationscouncil/2018/02/28/recognitionin-the-workplace-its-not-what-you-think-it-is/#1bcc87633da5 15 Annamarie Mann and Nate Dvorak, “Employee Recognition: Low Cost, High Impact,” Gallup, June 28, 2016, https://www.gallup.com/workplace/236441/employee-recognition-low-costhigh-impact.aspx 16 Victor Lipman, “The Most Important Work Relationship to Work On,” Forbes, July 1, 2017, https://www.forbes.com/sites/victorlipman/2017/07/01/the-most-important-work-relationship- 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 to-work-on/#7ac35c033412 Richard Feloni, “Google’s HR Boss Says the Best Managers Practice These Habits,” Business Insider, April 23, 2015, https://www.businessinsider.com/google-on-habits-of-bestmanagers-2015-4 Steve Crabtree, “Worldwide, 13% of Employees Are Engaged at Work,” Gallup, October 8, 2013, https://news.gallup.com/poll/165269/worldwide-employees-engaged-work.aspx Richard Feynman, “Surely You’re Joking, Mr Feynman!”: Adventures of a Curious Character (New York: W W Norton, 1997), 28 Feynman, “Surely You’re Joking,” 29 Kelly Clay, “Amazon.com Goes Down, Loses $66,240 per Minute,” Forbes, August 19, 2013, https://www.forbes.com/sites/kellyclay/2013/08/19/amazon-com-goes-down-loses-66240-perminute/#37330433495c John Schwartz and Matthew L Wald, “Final Shuttle Report Cites ‘Broken Safety Culture’ at NASA,” New York Times, August 26, 2003, https://www.nytimes.com/2003/08/26/national/final-shuttle-report-cites-broken-safety-cultureat-nasa.html Alan Boyle and the Associated Press, “Shuttle Report Blames NASA Culture,” NBC News, August 26, 2003, http://www.nbcnews.com/id/3077541/ns/technology_and_sciencespace/t/shuttle-report-blames-nasa-culture/#.XFNxJFxKiUk CHAPTER 10: WELL-BEING VS WINNING Glenn Kessler, “President Obama’s Persistent ‘77-Cent’ Claim on the Wage Gap Gets a New Pinocchio Rating,” Washington Post, April 9, 2014, https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/fact-checker/wp/2014/04/09/president-obamaspersistent-77-cent-claim-on-the-wage-gap-gets-a-new-pinocchio-rating/? utm_term=.3c1b669f1311 Ariane Hegewisch, “The Gender Wage Gap: 2017; Earnings Differences by Gender, Race, and Ethnicity,” Institute for Women’s Policy Research, September 13, 2018, https://iwpr.org/publications/gender-wage-gap-2017/ “The State of the Gender Pay Gap 2018,” PayScale.com, accessed January 31, 2019, https://www.payscale.com/data/gender-pay-gap Michelle King, “Want a Piece of the 18 Trillion Dollar Female Economy? Start with Gender Bias,” Forbes, May 24, 2017, https://www.forbes.com/sites/michelleking/2017/05/24/want-apiece-of-the-18-trillion-dollar-female-economy-start-with-gender-bias/#470d14656123 Federal Reserve and Yankelovich Monitor & Greenfield figures, cited in “Statistics on the Purchasing Power of Women,” Girlpower Marketing, accessed January 31, 2019, https://girlpowermarketing.com/statistics-purchasing-power-women/ Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World, 25th anniv ed (Amazon Digital, 2014), loc 84, Kindle INDEX absolute power, 144, 148, 154 academia, why women dominate, 81 Accenture, 79 Adams, Scott, 69 AdStart, 147 agreeableness, 99–101 aggression, xxxiv, 21, 39, 50, 61, 62, 63, 122 algorithms, 142 alpha male, 38, 61 “alpha” women, 101 ambition, 32 Ameriks, John, 124–25 Anderson, Cameron, 95–96 Anderson, G D., xxvii anti-retaliation policy, xxi, xxii, xxiv Ariely, Dan, 126–27, 150 arrogance, 45, 46, 54 Ask for It (Babcock), 85 assertion, 48, 51, 86 Atlantic, 38 authority versus influence, 108–9 versus power, 108 Babcock, Linda, 50, 51, 70, 85–90, 114, 115 Barber, Brad M., 124 Beane, Billy, 117–19, 131, 142 behavior, the most effective way to alter people’s, 126–27 Beyoncé, 98 “Big Five” paradigm, 99 Black Swan: The Impact of the Highly Improbable, The (Taleb), 122 “Blind Men and the Elephant” (fable), 10–11 Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking (Gladwell), 122 bonobos (friendships and matriarchy), 62, 63 bossiness, 4, 10, 12, 13 “Boys Will Be Boys” (stock transaction performance study), 124, 125 Branden, Nathaniel, 44, 45, 46 Brin, Sergey, 148 bravado, xxxii, 45, 46, 47, 48, 77 Bridgewater Associates, 142–43, 198n6 Browne, Harry, 150, 173 bullying, xxi, xxii, calibration meetings, 73–74 Carnegie Mellon University, 50–51, 87 Center for Advanced Human Resources, 100 CEOs at Fortune 500 companies, percent of women, 18, 129 why women don’t want to be, 25 certainty, 42, 45, 46, 54, 125, 159 certitude, result of unwarranted, 125 Challenger explosion, 160–62 Chanel, Coco, 19 checks and balances, 143–44, 145, 146, 149, 163 Chernobyl, nuclear disaster at, 123 child-rearing, 28, 41, 169 chimpanzees, 27, 61–63 C-level position, percent of men, women,who desire a, 26 Clinton, Hillary, 98, 165 CNBC, 110 cognitive bias, 119, 123, 129 Cole, Alyssa, 55 collaboration, 51–52, 65, 67, 92, 111, 115, 150, 151, 163 colour energies, 105–6, 107, 108 company culture, 18, 160, 162 “company reorg,” 80–81 competition, 37, 65–67, 92, 106, 113–16, 151, 163 compromise, women versus men’s ability to, 53 confidence behaviors correlating to a lack of, 46–47 defined, 44 ego versus, 45 gap See chapter 3, “The Confidence Gap” (35–54) and negotiation, 50–53 and success, 36–43 on whether men have more, 48–50 Confidence Code, The (Kay and Shipman), 38–41, 44, 49, 70, 89 confident behaviors, 46 connection, the need for, 179, 181 conventional wisdom, xxxv, 21, 35, 53, 69, 101, 118 convictions, 14–15 cooperation competition vs., 113–16 effect of hierarchy on human, 114 Corbelli, Jacqueline, 110 corporate America, xxxv, 24, 32, 47, 81, 98, 122, 129, 137, 177, 178 corporate dysfunction, the center of all types of, 140 creativity, xxxiv, colour energies, 6, 16, 46, 66, 99, 140, 157 Dalio, Ray, 142–43, 198n6 Decisive (Heath and Heath), 145 DeGeneres, Ellen, 96 directness, xxxiii dishonesty, 137, 139–40 distrust, 140, 144 diversity, xxxv, 109, 129, 130, 138–39, 140, 141, 149–50, 157, 163, 164 doctoral degrees, percent earned by women, 69 dogma, xxiii, xxv, 47, 182 domestic ambition gap, 26–30 dominance, 21, 61, 63, 69, 96, 97, 107, 110, 122 Dotan, Dr Hilla, 52 Dot Collector, 142, 198n6 Dunning, David, 36, 49 Ebeling, Bob, 160–61 economy manufacturing versus information/ knowledge 120–21 the most powerful consumers in the, 169–70 effectiveness, five key ingredients for (team) 140 ego versus confidence, 45 Ehrlinger, Joyce, 36–37, 49 emotional intelligence, xxxiii emotional needs, 178–81 empathy, xxxiii, 42, 123 entertainment versus business, 98 European Union, organ donors in the, 127 executive, percent of women who want to be a top, 168 executive ambition versus leadership ambition, 32 extraversion (or, extroversion), 99, 121 Exxon Valdez oil spill, 123 face width, effects on perception and salary, 122 Facebook (corporation), xiii, xiv, xv–xvii, xix, xxi–xxiii, xxiv–xv, 5, 16–18, 21, 24, 60, 61, 66, 73, 75, 77–80, 116, 135–36, 159, 174, 181 Fast Company, 110–11, 113 fear of public speaking, 39–40 feminism, xxiv, xxvii, xxxv, 13, 15, 18, 19–20, 24, 25, 89, 95, 131, 165, 166, 171 Feynman, Richard, 157–59 Flynn, Frank, 95–96 Food and Drug Administration, 128–29 Forbes, xv, 123–24, 150, 151 Ford, Henry, 155 Fortune 500 companies, percent of female CEOs at, 18, 129 48 Laws of Power, The (Greene), 137–38 freedom, the need for, 178, 179, 180 Friedan, Betty, 165 Frankel, Lois, 70, 89–92, 94, 114, 115 Fromm, Erich, 105 Gallup organization, 151, 155 Gates, Bill, 48 gender equality, 12, 19, 84, 165, 166 gender gap, xxxiii, xxxiv, xxxv, 5, 11, 12–13, 15, 20, 21–22, 23, 26, 28, 35, 47, 48, 50, 59, 81, 84, 85, 88, 95, 101–2, 129, 131, 139, 163 See also next entry gender pay gap (aka wage gap), 18, 35, 50, 100, 165, 166–67, 169–70 Gino, Francesca, 112 Ginsburg, Ruth Bader, 96, 98 Give and Take (Grant), 113 Gladwell, Malcolm, 122 Gjertsen, Janice, 110–11 glass ceiling, 11–12, 36, 38, 50, 98, 101, 167 Glasser, William (author, Choice Theory), Godin, Seth, 135 Goodall, Jane, 27 good cop/bad cop (in parenting), 109 “good wife,” Podolsky’s commandments to be a, 29 Google (company), xiii–xv, xvii, xix, xxv, xxix, xxx, 5, 6, 9, 16, 21, 26, 30, 41, 57, 59–61, 64, 66, 73, 75, 78, 85, 105, 111, 127, 140, 141, 146–49, 152–53, 157, 160, 167, 171–72, 174, 177, 181, 182 grading on a curve versus “calibration,” 75 Grant, Adam (author, Give and Take), 113 Greene, Robert, 137, 138 Gregson, Joanna, 58 Harvard Business School, 112, 122 Harvard Business Review, 113, 157 Haskel, Jim, 142–43 Heath, Chip Heath and Dan, 128, 145 height, 122, 123 Herbst, Uta, 52 hierarchy: effect on human cooperation, 114 homogeneity, 11, 141 incentives versus recognition, 150–51 independence, 46, 179 influence versus authority, 108–9 innovation, creativity and, 157–59 Insights Discovery Personal Profile(?), 105–6 Journal of Health and Social Behavior, 110 Judge, Timothy A., 99 Kahn, Laurie, 58–59 Kahneman, Daniel, 123 Kay, Katty, 38–41, 43, 45, 46, 49, 70 King, Martin Luther, Jr., 33, 138 Knowles, Beyoncé, 98 Laschever, Sara, 50, 51, 70, 86–87, 89, 90, 114 leader, strongest predictor (of the Big Five categories) of who becomes a, 99 leadership ambition gap, 18, 20–26, 28, 30 visible traits and behaviors used as proxies for, 122–23 Leadership Quarterly, 122 Lean In (Sandberg), xiv, xxiii, 13, 16, 20, 22, 24, 30, 59, 61, 89, 94, 95, 173 Lean In Circles, 60–61 LeanIn.org, xv, 15–16, 55, 60, 88 Lewis, Michael, 117–19, 123–24 Boomerang and The Big Short: Inside the Doomsday Machine, 123 Moneyball, 117–18, 120, 123 Undoing Project, The, 118–19 likability, 95, 97, 98–100 listening, xxxiii, 123 Lois, Jennifer, 58 male-dominant behaviors, 54, 81 Manson, Mark, 176 Mantle, Mickey, 117 Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, 178–81 master’s degrees, percent earned by women, 69 matriarchies, 62, 63, 66 Mazei, Jens, 52 McAuliffe, Christa, 161 McKinsey (company), 25, 26, 29, 50, 88 men percent of America’s teachers who are, 25 percent who aren’t confident enough to be top executives, 50 versus women in negotiation, 50–54, 88 and women, percent of wage disparity between, 18, 165 mentors See chapter 4, “Putting the Men in Mentors” (55–67) mentorship, defined, 55–56 Microsoft, 48 money, 167–70 Moneyball: The Art of Winning an Unfair Game (Lewis), 117–18, 120, 123 Mother Teresa, 138 motivation and rewards, 149–51 NASA, 160–63 NBA draft, 76 negotiation, men versus women, 50–54 Never Split the Difference (Voss), 51–52 New York Times, 58, 124 Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office (Frankel), 70, 89, 173 Nice Girls Still Don’t Get the Corner Office (Frankel), 89–94 Nikolova, Hristina, 53 Notorious B.I.G., 96 Oakland A’s, 117–18 Obama, Barack, 165, 166 objectivity, the foundational element of, 142 orchestra musicians, percent of female, 77 orchestras, audition practices of, 77, 142 organ donation rates (European Union countries), 127 “organizational culture,” 162 overconfidence, 123, 125, 126 Page, Larry, 148 Parish, Amy, 62, 63 patriarchal culture, 19 performance scores, 73, 153 PIP (performance improvement plan), xxii “player hater,” 96 Podolsky, Edward, 29 posters, 25, 84, 159 power absolute or near-absolute, 144, 148, 154 balance of, 143–49 definition, 108 the need for, 178, 179, 180, 181 two types of, 108 primates (societal structure), 62, 63 Principles (Dalio), 143, 198n6 problem-solving, two general approaches to, 126 productivity, trust and, 154–56 promotions, 5, 7, 10, 50, 73, 87, 88, 150, 173 psychological safety, 140–41 public speaking, fear of, 39–40 Quaker Corporation, 145 rationality, 46, 119 Reagan, President, 161 recognition, 150–51 relationship, the source of harmony in human, 150 rewards, 26, 54, 92, 107, 111, 139, 149–50, 163 rigidity, 15, 46 Robbins, Tony, 14 Rodin, Judith, 20 Rodriguez, David, 41–42 Rogers Commission, 161, 162, 163 romance novels, 58–59, 61, 66 Romance Writers of America (RWA), 59 Russell, Brian (engineer), 161 sabermetrics, 119 Sandberg, Sheryl, xiii, xiv–xvii, xx, xxiii–xxiv, 3–4, 13–16, 18–22, 24–25, 26, 96, 165 school versus work See chapter 5, “School vs Work” (69–81) scientific reasoning, 36–37 Scientific Reports, 114 security, the need for, 179, 180, 181 self-aggrandizement, xxxii, xxxiv, 21, 77, 122 self-assertion, 48, 52, 86 self-esteem, defined, 44 self-promotion, xxxiv, 23 senior executive, men’s and women’s top reasons for not wanting to be a, 25 sex, 13, 58, 63 Sex Today in Wedded Life (Podolsky), 29 Shipman, Claire, 38–41, 43, 45, 46, 49, 70 Silicon Valley, 12, 144, 157, 162 Sivajee, Dhanusha, 169–70 Six Pillars of Self-Esteem (Branden), 44, 46–47 Smith, Khalil, 121 Smithburg, William, 145 Snapple, Quaker’s disastrous purchase of, 144 social media, 17 statistics, 118, 142 Steinem, Gloria, xxix stereotype(s), 20, 21–22, 25, 26, 28, 29, 84, 85, 97, 99–101 traits that fit, violate, a female, 97 Strathern, Marilyn, 165 subprime mortgage crisis, 123 Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, The (Manson), 176 “success behaviors,” xxix “Surely You’re Joking, Mr Feynman!” (Feynman), 157–58 Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard (Heath and Heath), 128 Taleb, Nassim Nicholas, 122 teachers, male (percent), 25 teamwork, 92, 113–14 Thatcher, Margaret, 35 Thomas, M E., 83 Titanic (ship), 123 Truity Psychometrics, 100–101 Trump, Donald, 98, 138 trust building a system and culture of, 141–43 and productivity, 154–56 truth and 139–41 truth, hostility toward, 139–40 Tversky, Amos, 123 tyranny, 143, 144 undergraduate degrees, percent earned by women, 69 United States, percent of personal wealth controlled by women in the, 170 Upward Feedback Survey (UFS), Google’s, 152–53 Vanguard, 124–25 Voss, Chris, 51–52 wage gap (aka gender pay gap), 18, 35, 50, 100, 165, 166–67, 169–70 Waldorf, Blair, 95 Washington University in St Louis study of men and women’s weaknesses, 66–67 well-being, xxxiv, 23, 70, 106, 142, 151, 153–54, 156 See chapter 10, “Well-Being vs Winning” (165–83, esp 170–71) wife, Podolsky’s commandments of a “good,” 29 Winfrey, Oprah, 96, 98 winning versus well-being See chapter 10, “Well-Being vs Winning” (165–83) women “alpha” (versus “beta” men), 101 CEOs at Fortune 500 companies, percent, 18, 129 percent of degrees earned by, 69 percent of (US) personal wealth controlled by, 170 percent of top orchestra musicians, 77 percent of wage disparity between men and, 18, 165 percent who aren’t confident enough to be top executives, 50 and stock trading, 124 traits correlated more highly among, xxxiii versus men at forming connections, 56 Women Don’t Ask (Babcock and Laschever), 50, 51, 70, 86–88, 89, 114 Women@Google, 59–60 “Women and Men, Work, and Power” (Fast Company), 110–11 “Women in Power” (CNBC article), 110 Women in the Workplace (McKinsey study), 25, 88 work, school versus See chapter 5, “School vs Work” (69–81) Wright, Maj Gen Jessica, 43 ABOUT THE AUTHOR Marissa Orr spent fifteen years working at today’s top tech giants, Google and Facebook She has conducted talks for over three thousand people in the United States, Europe, and Asia-Pacific, at companies including Google, Twitter, and American Express, at universities such as Pace University and New School, and at other venues Originally from Miami, Orr received her master’s degree in decision and information sciences from the University of Florida She now lives in New Jersey, where she is known for being awful at karaoke and for wearing pajamas on the carpool line ... of who I am and why I wrote this book But Lean Out isn’t about Sheryl Sandberg or my time at Facebook Rather, it’s about unraveling the larger dogma and rhetoric currently dominating the national... to the group; the men learn they were right about the elephant from their individual perspectives, but wrong from the others’ Using the elephant as a metaphor for society’s understanding of the. .. when Sheryl Sandberg took the stage with none other than Kimberly They both sat down and began a discussion about female empowerment in the workplace Kimberly told the audience all the things she