Love was as clear as a mirror

Love was as clear as a mirror » Tác giả: Đoàn Thị Diễm Thuyên » Dịch giả: Nguyễn Thị Bích Nga » Thể lọai: English » Số lần xem: 1647 1. Love was as clear as a mirror I told her that she was very clear. “Well, so you shouldn’t make me turbid even though by a dust, right?” She talked and laughed innocently. Her innocence like a sharp knife cut my flesh softly but it would be bleeding a lot. Yeah, I really didn’t want to make her clearness turbid, I just wanted to be dissolved in it, but she said that it was too late. What did “late” mean? I met her too late, or I found out what I needed too late? She said I was a rather ideal man – experienced, intellectual, successful and virtue… – but if I were younger, about over thirty, and I hadn’t got married, hadn’t any children ‘cause she was over twenty years old. “But you’re very cruel. You’re clear but not silly. You made me love you and then you left me like this… What do I do now?” “I don’t know, either. ‘Cause I love myself very much. You have many things but I have only my youth. I want to find out everything belong to my youth.” It seemed there was a transparent mirror between us. We stood there, looking at each other, smiling at each other, understanding each other, but we couldn’t touch each other. When I raised my hand, waved at her, she turned around… When I walked away sadly, she laughed out loud behind me… Time went very fast, and when I realized it, we had been knowing each other for three years. At that time, there were forty female students of all fifty students in my Press class, and she was the most mischievous student. Forty female students were forty firecrackers, ready to blow up if my mistake was a beam of fire. But she wasn’t only a firecracker but also a string of them, and that was very terrible! I remembered the day she put my name in the live broadcast program of hers. She cleverly introduced her article with four sentences of a folk song: “You just smile or you smile at love, Smile at moon, smile at wind, or you smile at me. You just smile or you smile at flowers, Smile at moon, smile at wind, or I smile at you.” Her voice was clear, sweet and very powerful, being broadcasted within the radius of 50 meters. Suddenly, an over-forty-year-old teacher like me was blush, feeling uncomfortable. I had missed her since that day. And she was getting friendlier with me. Once I overheard her friends be jealous of her because of me. Oh that was true, ‘cause I was a handsome teacher and I talked to people nicely. But then, I realized that the truth wasn’t like that. In one period, I randomly asked the students’ opinions about me. “You’re more handsome than we!”, the male students said. “I admitted that you’re handsome…”, a female continued. “Rather old, but better than our boys.” “You have a skill of talking.” “You have amorous, brown eyes.” “You’re very excellent…” I was overwhelmed with their compliments, then I received a can of cold water. “But you’re so much talkative!” Oh mygod! That sentence was from a girl whom I missed everyday, whom I considered as a small flower. Being surprised, I tried to keep my mouth as a fresh smile. “You think I’m so much talkative, don’t you?”, I asked them. “Maybe, sir…” That was it. Just one minute before they praised me then one minute after they said I was talkative! “But how is my talking? Is it charmless?” “No… you’re talkative, but you’re handsome and nice…” After that, they bursted out gigling like they didn’t remember that I was old enough to be their uncle. Angry, but I really loved them from the bottom of my heart. They were naughty but innocent. They studied for their future without any calculation. They were different from the students who tried to be closed to the professors, the famous journalists and pleased them. But if they wanted to climb the ladder of fame, they should did it with their efforts… But the relationship between she and I was different. My feelings to her was completely clear, non-self-seeking. She said she could love me and admire me in a distance and never came near me. If not, she would be shy like a mimosa, folding up her leaves, and showing her sharp thorns. Then coming the day she graduated from school and began mature. I was present in her class on the last day. Their fare-well party was hold in a romantic place in a big park. They ate food, drank beer, sang songs, took pictures and… cried. I had never seen the strangest class like this, both males and females cried with together making me touched. She wasn’t an exception, but she kept crying and smiling. Then we sat near a big tree, chatting. “I may be very sad when I don’t meet you naughty students,” I said. “If you want to see us, just give your hand to us. Somehow we can’t have our jobs right now.” “But I can give my hand to only one of you.” “So you give your hand to me.” “You’re too heavy for me to do that.” “You just try it.” “Ok, I’ll try. But if I think it’s beyond my strength, I’ll give up.” To tell the truth, I wanted to help all of them within my ability. It was simply ‘cause I was their teacher and they had given me their true, innocent emotion. About her, I was waiting for her voice “Sir?” and her lovely hand, I would take her to everywhere she wanted. “Sir?” Oh it was her voice. And it was her hand to me. But it wasn’t like I thought it was. “Let’s shake hands.” There we said goodbye. I kept her hand in my hand, looking at her face, her smiling mouth and her sad eyes. I knew that she was sad but not because me, just because of the unsure future. After that, the fate took action and it tied both of us with an invisible rope. I had some chances to help her finish the first articles. Lucky me, she was a very serious person in her work. I showed her the way to go ahead, but I made her have a sense of responsibility. Her steps was akward at first, but then she could walk by her own. So, not only I loved but also I felt proud of her. We often met each other in garden coffee shop where the air was very quiet, where we could enjoy the sunlight, listen to the birds, looked at the red paper-flowers and the pink broken-hearted- flowers… One day I saw her crying… If she cried out, maybe she would borrow my shoulders, but she just sobbed with her tears rolling down, made my heart softer… “I’m bored with my poverty,” she said. Hearing that, I understood the reason why she sried. People could cry for their poorness, and they could cry more for their unluck due to their poverty. “You’re bored with having a bicycle?”, I joked so that she could feel better, it was my experience! “Yeah, that’s right. When I ride that old bicycle, I write only one article while other people can write four articles.” “But later, you will receive something more valuable than one article, so don’t be sad!” “I wish I could be more beautiful.” “Hey, beautiful and clever women will become goblins easily.” “If my soul is clear, I’ll be an angel.” “Ah, well, you want to become an angel…” Maybe I felt sorry for her with her very old bicycle, so from that day, I received the royalty on her behalf and brought it to her myself. “Feeling sorry” was a symbol of emotion; it looked like a green sprout, the more it was taken care of, the better it was; no one could destroy it or lose it. I valued my love to her and I was dissolved in it. Everyday she was present in my life like a new habbit, lovely but scared. It was said that “two women plus a duck is a market”, but for me “a man plus a bottle of wine can turn something impossible into possible.” One rainy afternoon, I was drunk and I didn’t know why I came to her room when she had some room-mates there. “We run out of rice, don’t we?” “Yeah. We run out of everything…” “Have you received your royalty yet?” “Not yet… Oh I’m waiting my teacher like the baby-bird waiting its mother!” “Haha… Fantastic! There he comes!” A man with his dark brown raincoat was standing outside the window, bursting out laughing and looking at his student. She opened the door happily. My sentimental look made her embarrassed. Ohmygod, I had never dared to look at her like that! “You still come here in spite of the rain. ‘Cause you were drunk, weren’t you?”, she asked me cleverly. “Aren’t you all waiting for me? Well, go with me and we drink some coffee, ok?” How could she refuse the invitation of her teacher, who was standing in the rain? I didn’t know that it was the rain of the FATE for our relationship which was very nice but very scaring. We went into a coffee shop, and I was sure people around us would think that we were a couple. She was quiet in front of the newspapers and an envelop of her royalty. I couldn’t help myself, began talking a lot of thing about love, about the paradise where there were only me and her. It seemed I was flying in my dream for her. “Sir, I maybe love you and respect you, but I can’t accept this love. Whenever I’m beside you, I’ll think of your wife and your children. It’s a feeling of guilty!” It seemed the storm was coming outside, my heart was hurt. Suddenly I turned into myself in front of her face, her soul. I realized that she didn’t love me like I loved her! From that day, she fleed away from my hands, she didn’t need my guide any more. She moved to another place, avoided meeting me for a long time. She still did her work, still lived happily, still enjoyed the life without me. I used to be silly thinking that she was young and she could make many mistakes like a lot of provincial youth. Sometimes she called me, gave me some compliments with her innocent and naughty way. The day I met her again, she was more mature with her stable job. Her face and her way of speaking didn’t change. “You look still handsome. Maybe the girls whom you’re teaching now love you much!” “But no one for me to love back.” “If you have loved someone, keep loving her.” “One way love?” “I love you, too. But just… love. Forever.” She told me to love her like that. She said her love to me was as clear as a mirror, and it was very fragile, just to look at it, not to touch it, not to break it, ‘cause it would make both of us hurt… I promised that I still loved her, forever… But oh so sad, ‘cause now she got married already! Hanoi, 6.2006 . Love was as clear as a mirror » Tác giả: Đoàn Thị Diễm Thuyên » Dịch giả: Nguyễn Thị Bích Nga » Thể lọai: English » Số lần xem: 1647 1. Love was as clear. but she said that it was too late. What did “late” mean? I met her too late, or I found out what I needed too late? She said I was a rather ideal man – experienced,