robin-bobin cover title : author publisher isbn10 | asin print isbn13 ebook isbn13 language subject publication date lcc ddc subject : : : : : : : : : : next page > Dance Lessons : Six Steps to Great Partnerships in Business & Life Bell, Chip R.; Shea, Heather Berrett Koehler 1576750434 9781576750438 9781583763124 English Partnership 1998 HD69.S8B453 1998eb 650.1/3 Partnership cover next page > robin-bobin < previous page page_i next page > Page i Dance Lessons < previous page page_i next page > robin-bobin < previous page page_ii next page > Page ii ALSO BY Chip R Bell MANAGERS AS MENTORS Building Partnerships for Learning CUSTOMERS AS PARTNERS Building Relationships That Last INFLUENCING Marketing the Ideas That Matter Chip R Bell and Ron Zemke MANAGING KNOCK YOUR SOCKS OFF SERVICE SERVICE WISDOM Creating and Maintaining the Customer Service Edge Chip R Bell and Fredric Margolis UNDERSTANDING TRAINING Perspectives and Practices INSTRUCTING FOR RESULTS Chip R Bell, Ray Bard, Leslie Stephen, and Linda Webster THE TRAINER'S PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT HANDBOOK Chip R Bell and Leonard Nadler CLIENTS AND CONSULTANTS Meeting and Exceeding Expectations THE CLIENT-CONSULTANT HANDBOOK < previous page page_ii next page > robin-bobin < previous page page_iii next page > Page iii Dance Lessons Six Steps to Great Partnerships in Business & Life Chip R Bell Heather Shea Foreword by Tom Peters < previous page page_iii next page > robin-bobin < previous page page_iv next page > Page iv Copyright © 1998 Chip R Bell and Heather Shea All rights reserved No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law For permission requests, write to the publisher, addressed "Attention: Permissions Coordinator," at the address below Dance LessonsSM is a service mark of Chip R Bell and Heather Shea Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc 450 Sansome Street, Suite 1200 San Francisco, CA 94111-3320 Tel: (415) 288-0260 Fax: (415) 362-2512 www.bkpub.com ORDERING INFORMATION Individual sales Berrett-Koehler publications are available through most bookstores They can also be ordered direct from Berrett-Koehler at the address above Quantity sales Special discounts are available for quantity purchases by corporations, associations, and others For details, contact the "Special Sales Department" at the Berrett-Koehler address above Orders for college textbook/course adoption use Please contact Berrett-Koehler at the address above Orders by U.S trade bookstores and wholesalers Please contact Publishers Group West, 1700 Fourth Street, Berkeley, CA 94710 Tel: (510) 528-1444; Fax: (510) 528-3444 Printed in the United States of America Printed on acid-free and recycled paper that is composed of 85% recovered fiber, including 15% post consumer waste Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Bell, Chip R Dance lessons : six steps to great partnerships in business and life / Chip R Bell, Heather Shea: foreword by Tom Peters p cm Includes bibliographical references and index ISBN 1-57675-043-4 (alk paper) Partnership I Shea, Heather II Title HD69.S88453 1998 650.1'3-dc21 98-27938 A STEPHENPUSTEJOVSKY Book Austin, Texas Executive editor Leshe Stephen Art direction/text and lacket design: Suzanne Pustejovsky Copyediting: Jeff Morns Proofreading: Deborah Costenbader and Jamie Fuller Index: Joanne E Clendenen Composition/production: Round Rock Graphics Cover photo: Cheryl Maeder/FPG International LLC Step One photo: Mark Scott/FPG Internauonal LLC; Step Two Photo: SuperStock Inc., Step Three photo: Telegraph Colour Library/FPG International LLC, Step Four photo: Cheryl Maeder/FPG International LLC, Step Five photo: Patti Bose Photographics, Orlando, FL; and Step Six photo: Patti Bose Photographics, Orlando, FL First Edition 04 03 02 01 00 99 98 10 < previous page page_iv next page > robin-bobin < previous page page_v next page > Page v Dedicated to Nancy Rainey Bell and Yvonne Luke Gubner < previous page page_v next page > robin-bobin < previous page page_vii next page > Page vii CONTENTS Foreword by Tom Peters ix Preface xiii Thanks xix Introduction: Shall We Dance? Step One Focusing: Preparing for Partnership 12 Lesson Choosing the Right Partnership for the Right Reasons 25 Lesson Understanding What Makes a Great Partnership 33 Step Two Auditioning: Picking Great Partners 42 Lesson What Makes a Great Partner? 53 Lesson Conducting a Partnership Test: The Virtual Audition 61 Lesson A Partnership Test: The Eleven-Point Checklist 75 Step Three Rehearsing: Getting the Partnership in Shape 82 Lesson The Conditions of Conditioning 89 Lesson Blocking Out Your Performance Together 101 Lesson Three Partnering Drills 113 < previous page page_vii next page > robin-bobin < previous page page_viii next page > Page viii Step Four Dancing: Keeping the Magic in Motion 124 Lesson Using Your Heart to Keep Great Partnerships Great 129 Lesson 10 Using Your Head to Keep Great Partnerships Great 137 Step Five Hurting: Managing the Pain in Partnership 142 Lesson 11 What to Do When You Trip Up 149 Lesson 12 Coping with Pain That's Not Your Fault 159 Step Six Bowing Out: Calling It Curtains 170 Lesson 13 Ending a Partnership That Flopped 175 Lesson 14 Ending a Partnership That Worked 185 The Final Lesson: Promenade Home 195 Notes 197 Sources 199 Authors 205 Index 207 < previous page page_viii next page > robin-bobin < previous page page_ix next page > Page ix FOREWORD by Tom Peters You don't have to be a good dancer to be a good partner Fact is, you don't have to know how to dance at all except metaphorically speaking I've often said that I'm nuts about a good metaphor Because in these traumatic, wild and woolly, topsy-turvy times, this age of brainware, creativity, paradox, unreason pick your favorite expression unforgettable wordpictures are our most practical guides, our real-life strategic plans for thriving in this chaos And Chip Bell and Heather Shea have a vision of partnership that's exactly right for these turbulent times Just like modern jazz or theater or some of our well-worn sports analogies dancing gives us a fast and lasting image of how the BIW (best-in-world) partnerships work < previous page page_ix next page > robin-bobin < previous page page_x next page > Page x And who needs this partnership-as-a-dance stuff? Everybody, and I mean E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y Unless you've been out of this world for the last 10 or 15 years, you know that we've said bye-bye to organizations-as-we've-knownthem-for-the-last-250 (or so)-years You know that the most successful "organizations" today are ever-shifting, temporaryor, at most, semi-permanentstrategic alliances, formed to exploit some (probably fleeting) opportunity in the marketplace Think about any great dance partnership Rogers and Astaire, Kelly and O'Connor, Fonteyn and Nureyev what's going on there? what went into those standing-ovation results? Years of hard work, practice, basic training well, sure Plus originality, personal chemistry, everlasting experimentation, constant innovation, trust even more important Oh, yeah and passion BIW strategic alliances are just like that a special blending of brain and muscle, heart and soul, passion and persistence that come from the PEOPLE in the relationship Doesn't matter whether we're talking about Motorola's global supplier-producer relations or the next project you're doing with those folks down the hall Commitment, compatibility, information sharing, a passion for precision execution, trust all that soft stuff that's what makes those partnerships great And I've said this over and over, and I'll say it again there's no excuse for not being great So, no need to trot the leg-warmers out of mothballs Just fire up the synapses that spark IMAGINATION and INNOVATION in your brain, and get ready for a real workout This stuff takes (lots of) effort but it's worth itjust think about your marriage or your closest friendships < previous page page_x next page > robin-bobin capacity for, 44 characteristics of, 54-59 ending, 193 honor assertion in, 59, 105 lessons learned from, 5-6 passion readiness, 55-56 steps to, 6-9 Grey, Jennifer, 15 Growing pains, 145 Growth and honesty, 37 unbalanced, 165-166 Guilt, 146-147, 153-154 Gullibility, 167 H Hardball for Women (Heim), Head, using to maintain partnerships, 137-141 Headsmart tips for partnership greatness, 138-139 Healing communication and mistake resolution, 150-151 Heart, using gifts of, 129-136 Heels or flats exercise, 14 Heim, Pat, Hendricks, Gay, 105 Hines, Gregory, 44 History of Ballroom Dancing (Borrows), 27 Holman, Bunnie (Patricia), 135-136 Honesty as partnership characteristic, 37 See also Truth Honor assertion by great partners, 59, 105 Huizenga, Ray, 180 Humility and mistake resolution, 150-151 Huntington Banks, 131 robin-bobin Hurting See also Ending partnerships; Pain and arrogance, 164-165 brief description, fear of failure/success, 152-153 highroad of, 169 and mistakes, 149-151 protocol violations, 154-156, 166-168 unbalanced growth, 165-166 I ''I" statements and advice giving, 121-122 Imperfection of partner, 149 Inclusion, gift of, 133-136 Infatuation-adverse, great partners as, 56 Information systems, front-line checkpoint, 77 Inspiritrix, 54 Integrity and trust, 70-71, 154 Intellectual capital compatibility checkpoint, 78-79 Interviews for data collection, 4-6 < previous page page_210 next page > robin-bobin < previous page page_211 next page > Page 211 J J.Kings Foodservice Professionals, 179 James, William, 192 Jennings, Waylon, 52 Jerry McGuire (film), 54 Jordan, Dr Clarence, 130-131 K Kei Takei, 170 Kershaw, Syd, 37, 63, 105 King, John, 179 Korn/Ferry International, 55-56 Kouzes, Jim, 76 L Lague, Louise, Laziness, 166 Leadership and control checkpoints, 80 Leading Out Loud (Pearce), 37 Legal issues, 10-11 Lewis, Jordan, 122 Limited partnership, legal form of partnership, 10-11 Line Dance partnership style, 21, 23 Loyalty, 99, 151 Ludeman, Kate, 105 Luigi's Jazz Warm Up (Facciuto), 134, 140 Lynnwood Foundation, 57, 97 M "Magic in motion", 126-127 Marriage, partnership as, 2-4, 137 robin-bobin Marriott Hotels, CasaMagna, 40 Marina Beach, 56 Puerto Vallarta, 57-58 St Louis Pavilion, 39, 40, 56 Martins, Peter, 124 Masochism, 148 McCool, Sherry, 39, 40, 46, 56 McElroy, Terry, 3, 41, 70, 93, 102, 135, 167 McLane Company, 3, 41, 70, 93, 102, 135, 165, 167 Medici, Carlo, 59, 106, 181 Mentor, partner as, 97-98 Metzler & Company, 7, 105 Metzler, Michael, 7, 105 Miles, Perry, 35, 52, 165 de Mille, Agnes, 142 Miller, Dee, 63 Mirroring in productive dialogue, 118 Mistake resolution, 149-151 Monas, Mary Ann, 167 Murray, W H., 133 Mutual benefit, N National Granger Insurance, 180 Needs and anger, 160-163 Newhouse, Princess, 19 Newhouse, Tom, 19 Novak, Ed, 35-36, 56, 104, 105, 166 Nurture, 172 Nuts! Southwest Airlines' Crazy Recipe for Business/Personal Success (Freiberg), 40 O robin-bobin Optimism, 132 P Pacino, Al, 15 Pain See also Hurting and anger, 160-163, 167 green vs red light, 159 paths of, 144-146 protocol violations, 154-156, 166-168 and relationship equality, 163-164 as a signal, 146-148 Paraphrasing in productive dialogue, 118 Parker Hannifin, 37, 63,105 Partner style See also Auditioning; Hurting; Partnership test Break Dancers, 48-49, 73, 162 Bunny Hops, 49-50, 74, 162 Strutters, 46-48, 73, 161-162 Tap Dancers, 51-52, 74, 162 Wallflowers, 50-51, 74, 162-163 Partnering drills See also Rehearsing advice giving, 119-122 dramatic listening, 114-115 productive dialogue, 115-119 Partners See also Auditioning; Focusing compatibility, 26-27, 55 selection of, 45-46 < previous page page_211 next page > robin-bobin < previous page page_212 next page > Page 212 Partnership greatness headsmart tips, 138-139 "Partnership squared", 126-127 Partnership style See also Focusing Line Dance, 21, 23 Square Dance, 18-20 Tango, 15-17, 80-81 Twist, 18-20 Waltz, 17-18, 80-81 Partnership test See also Auditioning balance as merit, 71-73 eleven-point checklist, 75-81 heels or flats exercise, 14 readiness for, 28-31 shared vision, 68-69 style-specific questions, 73-74 time, 63-65 trust, 70-71 truth, 65-67 values of generosity, quality, time, 63-65 virtual partnership, 62-63 Partnerships See also Great partnerships creation of long-term, effective, 85-86 definition, 2-4 factors to consider, 26-27 legal forms of, 10-11 payoffs and pitfalls, 22, 23 principles for, 103-106 skills for building, 44, 85-86, 87 Partnerships for Profit (Lewis), 122 robin-bobin Passion, gift of, 55-56, 133 Patience, 145 Payne, Hank, 116 Pearce, Terry, 37 Peters, Tom, 153, 154 Pizza Hut, 34, 35, 163 Pollard, Boyd, 37 Potential problems, toe stubbers, 38 Power of Strategic Partnering, The (Scheuing), 11 Power & Telephone Service, 37 Preparation for partnering See Focusing Price Waterhouse, 26 Privacy, respect for checkpoint, 79-80 Producers Livestock Association, 72, 75, 77, 104, 191 Productive dialogue as partnering drill, 115-119 Promise keeping, 105 Protocols as basis for partnership, 102-106 for building partnership, 86, 88 great partners and, 5-6 six principles, 103-106 violation of, 154-156, 166-168 Prymak, Lillian, 75 Q Quality alignment, partnership test, 63-65 R Rational assessment of partner, 76-81, 138-139 Readiness for partnering, self-test, 28-31 Reality practice in rehearsing, 106-111 Rehearsing See also Dancing; Feedback; Goals; Partnering drills "awesome" alliance creation, 85-86 robin-bobin brief description, cues, 86, 87, 93-95 protocol basics, 102-106 reality practice, 106-111 rules of, 123 Resilient, great partners as, 57-58 Respect for privacy checkpoint, 79-80 Rhythm, partner selection, 46 Risk and trust, 70-71 Ritz-Carlton Hotel Company, 44, 45 Roadrunner, 23 Roche Laboratories, 91, 168 Rocky (film), 54 Role playing, 78, 106-108 Rosier, Grady, 165 Rules for partnerships See Protocols S Saint Vincent Health System, 57, 58, 145-146 St Louis Marriott Pavilion, 39, 40, 56 San Diego Consulting Group, 93, 106, 138 < previous page page_212 next page > robin-bobin < previous page page_213 next page > Page 213 Saturday Night Fever (film), Scent of a Woman (film), 15 Schedules, 63-65 Scheuing, Eberhard E., 11 Schultze, Horst, 45 Scottish Himalayan Expedition, The (Murray), 133 Scrutinize and short circuit strategy, 155-156 Selection of partner, 45-46 Self-esteem, 155 Self-test for partner focusing, 28-31 Shakespeare, William, 172 Shall We Dance (film), Shared values partnership checkpoint, 78 See also Values Shared vision, 36-37, 68-69 Shea, Heather, 18, 145, 156-157 Short circuiting a breakup, 155-156 Simulated partnership, 62-63 Singin' in the Rain (film), 33 Skills for building partnerships, 44, 85-86, 87 Smith, Robbie, 103 Somers, Michael, 119, 139, 161, 180 Soul as basis for greatness, 87, 88 dance as metaphor for, 4-5 Spirit Cruises, 35, 52, 165 Square Dance partnership style, 18-20 Stallone, Sylvester, 54 Stoltz, Paul, 145 Strategies robin-bobin complementary, 76 scrutinize and short circuit, 155-156 Strength and mistake resolution, 151 Strictly Ballroom (film), 15 Structure and creativity, 84-85 Strug, Kerry, 157 Strutter partner style, 46-48, 73, 161-162 Style See Partner style; Partnership style Success fear of, 152-153 and partnership style, 22, 23 Summarizing in productive dialogue, 118-119 Support generation, 139-141 Swayze, Patrick, 15 Sweat lodge, 129-130 Synergy, 59, 68 T Takei, Kei, 170 Tango partnership style, 15-17, 80-81 Tap Dancer partner style, 51-52, 74, 162 Tate, Bill, 94 Tester, Jack, 60, 104, 177 Testing See Partnership test Thompson, Kris, 35-36 Time checkpoint for views of, 77 partnership test, 63-65 and patience, 145 Toe stubbers, 38 Tolls, partnership checkpoint, 78 Tom Peters Group, The, 19-20 robin-bobin Toshiba America Information Systems, 57, 68 Touche Ross, 27 Townsend, Ted, 34, 66, 97 Townsend Engineering Company, 34, 66 Trust as final rehearsal step, 122-123 great partners as trustworthy, 56-57 and integrity, 154 partnership characteristic, 34-35 risk and partnership test, 70-71 Truth assertion as basic principle, 104 honesty as partner characteristic, 37 partnership test, 65-67 Tucker Rocky Distributing, 16-17, 34, 47, 110, 168 Tune, Tommy, 51 Twist partnership style, 18-20 U Uniform Partnership Act, 10 Union, legal form of partnership, 10-11 USAA, 4, 60 U.S Department of Energy, 103 < previous page page_213 next page > robin-bobin < previous page page_214 next page > Page 214 V Values compatibility of, 68 generosity, quality and time, 63-65 partner selection, 46 partner style, 49 shared, 78 violation of, 154-156, 166-168 Valuing as productive dialogue, 116-119 Virtual reality partnership test, 62-63 See also Partnership test Vision, shared, 36-37, 68-69 W Wallflower partner style, 50-51, 74, 162-163 Waltz partnership style, 17-18, 80-81 Washington Speakers Bureau, 68 West Side Story (film), 33 "What ifs" in ending partnerships, 188-189 in reality practice, 109-111 White Knights (film), 44 Wisdom Group, The, WYNCOM, 135-136 Y Yeats, W B., 12 Your Signature Path (Bellman), 40, 54, 132 Z Zemke, Ron, 76 < previous page page_214 next page > robin-bobin < previous page page_215 next page > Page 215 To contact the authors Chip R Bell Performance Research Associates, Inc 25 Highland Park #100 Dallas, TX 75205-2785 Phone: (214) 522-5777 Fax: (214) 691-7591 Email: PRAWest@aol.com Heather Shea Inspiritrix, Inc 7512 Dr Phillips Blvd #129 Orlando, FL 32819 Phone: (407) 363-7141 Fax: (407) 363-0256 Email: Shea8846@aol.com < previous page page_215 next page > robin-bobin < previous page page_217 next page > Page 217 Berrett-Koehler Publishers Berrett-Koehler is an independent publisher of books, periodicals, and other publications at the leading edge of new thinking and innovative practice on work, business, management, leadership, stewardship, career development, human resources, entrepreneurship, and global sustainability Since the company's founding in 1992, we have been committed to supporting the movement toward a more enlightened world of work by publishing books, periodicals, and other publications that help us to integrate our values with our work and work lives, and to create more humane and effective organizations We have chosen to focus on the areas of work, business, and organizations, because these are central elements in many people's lives today Furthermore, the work world is going through tumultuous changes, from the decline of job security to the rise of new structures for organizing people and work We believe that change is needed at all levelsindividual, organizational, community, and globaland our publications address each of these levels We seek to create new lenses for understanding organizations, to legitimize topics that people care deeply about but that current business orthodoxy censors or considers secondary to bottom-line concerns, and to uncover new meaning, means, and ends for our work and work lives < previous page page_217 next page > robin-bobin < previous page page_220 Page 220 Put the leading-edge business practices you read about to use in your work and in your organization Do ever you wish there was a forum in your organization for discussing the newest trends and ideas in the business world? Do you wish you could explore the leading-edge business practices you read about with others in your company? Do you wish you could set aside a few hours every month to connect with like-minded coworkers or to get to know others in your business community? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then the answer is simple: Start a business book reading group in your organization or business community For step-by-step advice on how to just that, visit the Berrett-Koehler website at and click on "Reading Groups." There you'll find specific guidelines to help in all aspects of creating a successful reading groupfrom locating interested participants to selecting books and facilitating discussions These guidelines were created as part of the Business Literacy 2000 program launched by the Consortium for Business Literacya group of 19 business book publishers whose primary goal has been to promote the formation of business reading groups within corporations and business communities Business Literacy 2000 is dedicated to providing you with tools to help you build a dialog with colleagues, share ideas, build lasting relationships, and bring new ideas and knowledge to bear in you work and organizations For more information on the Business Literacy 2000 program, guidelines for starting a business book reading group, or to browse or download the study guides that are available for our books, please visit our website at: If you not have Internet access, you may request information by contacting us at: Berrett-Koehler Publishers 450 Sansome Street, Suite 1200 San Francisco, CA 94111 Tel: (415) 288-0260 Fax: (415) 362-2512 Email: bkpub@bkpub.com Please be sure to include your name, address, phone number, and the information you would like to receive < previous page page_220 ... depth, meaning, and significance from a book that began as a random collection of note cards! The crack research and business- and- life team of Debbie and Cliff Dickinson in Orlando put in yeoman... see tips and quips, models and metaphors drawn from our imaginations and from very real stories in the world of business and the world of dance Together they make a complete picture of partnership... Stephen, and Linda Webster THE TRAINER'S PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT HANDBOOK Chip R Bell and Leonard Nadler CLIENTS AND CONSULTANTS Meeting and Exceeding Expectations THE CLIENT-CONSULTANT HANDBOOK