Contents Cover Title Page Copyright Chapter 1: Marriage: A Big, Big Deal Shelter from the Storm .or Not Chapter 2: Character Is Your Most Important Product, and Work Is a Life or Death Matter Chapter 3: Work = Character Chapter 4: Work Is Not the Same as Looking for Work Heirs and Getting Real The Exceptions That Test the Rule I Meant “Honest” Work Carefree Student Days Chapter 5: Personality, No Divas Wanted And Also No Divas Love Is the Boss .and the Gangster Chapter 6: Getting Along in Marriage Is Not Easy—It's a Job How Human Beings Work No, It Isn't That's the Way Marriage Doesn't Work Laugh, Laugh, I Thought I Would Die Lonely Street The Breaking Point—and There Is One Be Careful The Clock Is Ticking Chapter 7: Tipping Chapter 8: Work Is a Gift from God Chapter 9: The Need to Save Money Is Life or Death Chapter 10: There Are Few Guarantees A Firebell in the Night Chapter 11: Your Beloved Parents Chapter 12: Does Death Really Come as the End? Maybe Not Chapter 13: Friendship Is Golden Chapter 14: Don't Be Late! To Be Late for Appointments Where You Are Not Paying People for Their Time Is Theft Chapter 15: Do Not Cross Other People's Borders without Being Invited In Chapter 16: I Am Just Like You, Only I Am Me Feelings Come, and Feelings Go, and Feelings Are Not Facts! Listmania Chapter 17: You Are Not at the Center of the Universe Chapter 18: The Next Indicated Action Eat Chapter 19: You Are What You Drive I Love My Cars A Car as a Mirror The Hell Machine Chapter 20: The Absolutely Fastest, Surest Way to Get Rich Quick Chapter 21: Silence Is Golden Chapter 22: Gratitude, Revisited Chapter 23: A Day to Remember Chapter 24: Save and Beware Chapter 25: Play It Safe Chapter 26: Be Nice Chapter 27: Thoughts on the Economic Morass and How to Get Out of It Chapter 28: Progress, Not Perfection Chapter 29: Education—To Read or Not to Read Chapter 30: The Good Side of Drugs Chapter 31: To the Tables Down at Mory's A Better Day Friends Indeed The Gates of Eden Chapter 32: Tax Policy Chapter 33: Benjyrama Index Copyright © 2011 by Ben Stein All rights reserved Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey Published simultaneously in Canada No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by 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download this material at http://booksupport.wiley.com For more information about Wiley products, visit www.wiley.com Library of Congress Cataloging–in–Publication Data: Stein, Benjamin, 1944– What would Ben Stein do?: applying the insights of a modern–day pundit to tackle the challenges of business and life/Ben Stein p cm Includes index ISBN: 978–1–118–03817–8 (acid–free paper) ISBN: 978–1–118–17352–7 (ebk) ISBN: 978–1–118–17350–3 (ebk) ISBN: 978–1–118–17351–0 (ebk) 1.Life skills–Handbook, manuals, etc.2.Conduct of life–Miscellanea.I.Title HQ2037.S73 2011 646.7–dc23 2011029293 10987654321 Chapter Marriage: A Big, Big Deal For most people in a free society who decide to get married, the most important factors in their lives are who they marry and how the marriage works Life is difficult Out there in the world of commerce or agriculture or law or medicine or bureaucracy or the military, the individual is merely a cog in the machine Expected to produce so many widgets, attend so many meetings, file so many income tax returns that the way he feels, the kind of mood he's in, all of that is extremely secondary to what he (or she) produces What his or her output is for the production of the almighty dollar or the almighty spreadsheet is what counts in the real world outside the home This means that the outside world is cutting you down to size (as the song goes) a fair amount of time It leaves you feeling like your life is a routine, like you're a number, a brick in the wall (to quote another song) You—as a person, as an individual–do not count for a lot Bear in mind, there are exceptions Some workplaces make you feel good about yourself and care about you as a soulful human being But as far as I have been able to tell, these kind of professional environments are in the minority It is great if you can get into one of them, but it's not a standard part of the workday to make the worker feel good Shelter from the Storm .or Not However, if your home is a warm, cozy place with a warm, cozy spouse, you have a fortress against the pressures, anger, and cold of the outside world This is no small thing If your home is built upon the rock of love and understanding and caring, you have a shelter from the storm (Forgive me, but I cannot stop myself from paraphrasing songs Popular music is a major part of my life.) To be sure, and I don't want to kid you about this, as many, many homes are not warm, cozy places Instead there are many homes that are Roach Motels of anger, sarcasm, an absence of love, and constant fear of explosions of rage Still other homes are poisoned pools of estrangement and deviousness How you make sure you have the kind of home that works as a fortress and a Sleep Number bed to keep you comfy all of the time, no matter how badly Mister or Missus Recession blows at the door? How you make sure you have a home in which you feel protected, and not threatened or bored or mystified by what is going on in there? How you build that happy home you want? There Are Two Major Ways Making the right decisions about who you marry Acting decently and lovingly as a spouse yourself These might sound simple They are in fact incredibly difficult Let's first take a closer look at making the right decision Chapter Character Is Your Most Important Product, and Work Is a Life or Death Matter Basically, choosing a mate of good character is what it's all about in marriage, as in friendships One immense part of this is that the man or woman in whom you are interested in must be solvent This does not mean rich; however, it almost always means being employed One of the most ready ways to discover if a man or woman (a single one, at that) is of good character is whether or not he or she is gainfully employed If he or she is not employed––is not going off to work each day to earn a purposeful dollar––you generally not want to marry him (or her) Now I know what you're thinking You're thinking, “That surely does not apply in a bad recession, such as we are having right now––2011––as you are writing this, does it, Benjy?” Yes, I am afraid it still applies Of course we know that many fine men and women have been laid off and have lost their jobs through no fault of their own I am well aware of that and my heart breaks for those people My own dear grandfather was unemployed for many years during the Great Depression; yet he was a fine man But that was a Great Depression—where there simply was no work to be found And, as soon as there was any work at all to be had, even difficult work, below the status he had been used to, he took it We are not in a Great Depression now, and I pray we never will be again We are in a time when work is exceptionally hard to come by for many people in many areas––but there is still work and in many areas there are labor shortages (Think any of the major oil and gas and non-ferrous metals extraction states Think Washington, DC, and environs Think of the major agricultural regions Think anywhere the would-be worker is willing to look day and night for a job and take what's available.) My experience––and I could be wrong––is that if a man or woman really throws himself into it, he or she will find a job, even if it's not the job of his or her dreams I keep thinking of my wife's manicurist, who came here from the Far East, could barely speak English, and soon had three jobs keeping her busy around the clock I keep thinking of my daughter-inlaw, an East Indian woman who came to Los Angeles from South Carolina and simply walked her feet raw looking for a job and found one greed and reckless behavior failure of “Benjyrama,” 197 Bernanke, Ben Bernstein, Barbara Best, Arthur M Bible, on money and evil bin Laden, Osama body piercings Bork, Bob boundaries, respecting Broderick, Peter Browne, Jackson Buddha/Buddhisim Buffet, Warren E Burton, Al and Sally Bush, George W Butler, Robert N C Calhoun, Bob and Susan capital concept of types of careers See work/employment Carnegie, Dale cars, importance of change in civil rights, views on in humans, possibility of slow nature of in US education and curriculum character, determining honest work and niceness and work/employment, steadiness of charity work childhood, marriage and children, caring for China, economic growth of chronic unemployment Church of Latter-Day Saints Cinerama civil rights, lack of knowledge about civil rights, progress in Clinton, Bill Cohen, Harry confidence cars as mirror of self self-acceptance and work as basis for confidence, car choices and Coyne, John credit cards D death loneliness and of parents of spouse debt, US Declaration of Independence lack of knowledge about writing of Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire, The (Gibbon) demote, Chris DeMuth, Phil Denison, Edward depression despairing feelings anger cars and confidence lists of good things, making motivation and nutrition and pharmaceutical drugs and self-acceptance and suicide and See also loneliness Deutsch, Jan discipline alcohol addiction and in work young marriages and discrimination See racism diva personalities divorce child custody issues cost and pain of loneliness of marriage, breaking point in reconciliation after drugs (illegal), abuse of drugs (pharmaceutical) abuse of adverse affects of danger of depression and health care and mass production of misprescribing/misuse of psychoactive drugs as solution to health care problems suicide and E earthquake of 2011, Japan eating, enjoyment of economic recessions deficits, US financial panic of 2008-2009 Great Depression housing market and inflation and layoffs during, examples of recovery from unemployment and US recession, current See also taxation/tax policies economics, supply side education curriculum, changes in economic value of English as second language students for-profit vs public schools freedom and home/family life and knowledge, value of national prosperity and online learning education (Continued) popular culture, negative view of problems, solutions to science and engineering, lack of in teachers, lack of in system US, problems and flaws in US vs Asia US vs world employment See work/employment engineers, US vs India Epstein, Melvin Evers, Medgar F facial piercings Fairstein, Linda family, caring for Farmer, Tim farming, mass production and fathers See parents feelings combating bad feelings fleeting nature of See also despairing feelings Ferguson, Russ financial panic of 2008-2009 first impressions appearance and punctuality and food, enjoyment of forgiveness apologizing, importance of in marriage of parents Franklin, Benjamin freedom, valuing Friedman, Milton friendships appreciating and valuing lifelong friends from college stocking up on funds, types of G gift giving to spouses tipping God appreciating and valuing Bible, on money and evil work as a gift from Godard, Jean-Luc gratitude See appreciation Great Depression Greening of America, The (Reich) H Haldeman, Bob Hamilton, Ona Murdoch happiness despairing feelings and marriage and remunerative work and richness/wealth and Harbor, Dan Harriss, C Lowell health care system, US abuse of bureaucracy in doctor shortages and excercise/healthy lifestyle and expense of hospital emergency rooms hospital tests, extensive mass production of drugs and Medicare nutrition pharmaceutical drugs and prevention, importance of in problems and flaws in health insurance history, lack of knowledge about home environments, safe vs unsafe honest work housing market, recessions and How To Win Friends and Influence People (Carnegie) humor, importance of I immigration/immigrants, work ethic of inflation in-laws See parents J Jewish people, discrimination against Johnson, Samuel on saving money on work and the human spirit judgment of marriage partners of others K Kauffman, Stanley Keker, John W Kennedy, Duncan Kennedy, John F Kennedy, Mopsy Strange Kennedy, Robert Kennedy, Ted King, Martin Luther, Jr Knight, Frank L Laffer, Arthur Lang, Fritz lateness, avoiding laughter and humor Lehman Brothers life difficult nature of money as basic part of uncertain nature of likability, personal lists, making Loman, Willie loneliness combating with friendships death of loved ones and divorce and in retirement M marriage anger and violence in breaking point in discipline and forgiveness in home environments, safe vs unsafe parents, interference in as shelter from life challenges working at making successful marriage partners appreciating and valuing death of diva personalities helpfulness to imagining life without making partner priority paying attention to speaking well of valuing time with marriage partners, factors in choosing appearance and cheapness and irresponsible spending childhood diva personalities drugs, abuse of humor, importance of making right decisions, importance of money, attitudes about work/employment, steadiness of See also personality traits mass production Medicare medicine See drugs (pharmaceutical); health care system mental illness, rates of Meyer, Russ Miller, Gale money anger about assumptions about availability conflicting attitudes about happiness and ability to earn love and as root of evil saving, importance of Moore, J William Morgenthau, Robert Mormons mothers See parents motivation alcohol/drug abuse and despairing feelings and focusing on next task and work, finding and muzak N national debt niceness/being nice getting along with others and gift giving to spouse importance of tipping and Nixon, Richard M on charity and volunteer work appearance of speechwriting for Noah, Bob noise, aversion to nutrition eating and enjoying food health care and O Obama, Barack Obamacare O'Connell, Frank online learning/teaching P parents appreciating and valuing caring for death of educational success and forgiving interference in marriage by mourning sacrifices made by Paulson, Henry perfectionism, self-acceptance and personality traits as basis for choosing marriage partners confidence, car choices and diva personalities generosity in tipping getting along with others humor, sense of judgmental attitudes personality traits (Continued) likability niceness/being nice perfectionism timeliness and punctuality unrealistic ideas about success work ethic, focus on Pink Floyd planning importance of for the worst Poor, Henry Varnum popular culture, education and Poussaint, Renee punctuality, importance of R racism decrease in examples of history of, US toward Jewish people Rayburn, Sam Reagan, Ronald real estate housing and recessions as investment recessions See economic recessions Reich, Charles relationships, forming See also friendships; marriage partners religion See God respect for marriage partners for other's boundaries for self See also appreciation retirement, loneliness during richness/wealth, concept of Rothbard, Eddie Rubin, Jerry S safe home environments, securing safety nets lack of in life planning for the worst See also saving money saving money developing habit of diverse savings, need of examples of importance of methods of planning, importance of planning for the worst as protection from uncertainty US, average rates of vs cheapness schools See education securities law self, humor about self-acceptance self-esteem See confidence self-respect/self-identity based on work and employment car as mirror of self self-sufficiency Shultz, George P silence, value of Simon, Larry sleep lack of mood improvement and music to solve sleep disorders restorative powers of sloppiness in appearance Smith, Adam Social Security Sources of Economic Growth, The (Denison) Spearman, Bob Stein, Ben “Benjyrama,” 197 career of dislikes of on friendships law school experience of–184 on racism students, marrying as success, planning and achieving suicide psychoactive drugs and thoughts of supply side economics T taxation/tax policies Bush on Clinton on deficits and economic stimulation economic stimulation and financial panic of 2008-2009 Obama on raising taxes Reagan on supply side economics and teaching See education terrorism Thomas, Baron tipping, importance of Tobin, James U uncertainty, of life unemployment current rates of economic recessions and as factor in choosing marriage partners unemployment happiness/unhappiness and as sign of character flaw in Utah United States average savings, rates of debt of deficits of economic state of affairs of education and curriculum in image abroad of mental illness in prosperity in, twentieth century unemployment, rates of V Vanguard Total Market Index (VTI) volunteer work voting, right to W Wallich, Henry Wealth of Nations, The (Smith) wealth/richness, concept of welfare programs Medicare Social Security stigma of Wellington, Harry widows/widowers, loneliness of Wilson, Chris and Ruth Win Ben Stein's Money (TV show) words, power of work/employment charity and volunteer work as connection to world discipline and motivation in economic recessions and finding work as gift from God happiness and remunerated work honest work as powerful force for good reasons to work self-esteem based on self-respect/self-identity based on as sign of good character students, carefree nature of work ethic Y Yale Law School Film Society young people, marriage and ... Library of Congress Cataloging–in–Publication Data: Stein, Benjamin, 1944– What would Ben Stein do? : applying the insights of a modern–day pundit to tackle the challenges of business and life /Ben. .. men and women of good character They are dilettantes and playgirls, and not really suited to face life' s many challenges Therefore they are not suited to face marriage's challenges If any of my... good drama, you don't want your life to be drama You want your life to be calm (We'll get to that later, too.) You want peace in the valley Marriages that are peaceful last Marriages that are wildly