1 Dr. Joe’s Freedom From Anger By Joseph W. James, Ph.D. 2 Dr. Joe’s Freedom From Anger Table of Contents Lesson 1: What is Anger? p. 3 Lesson 2: What‘s Your Anger Personality? p. 16 Lesson 3: This is Your Brain on Anger p. 23 Lesson 4: Calming the Emotional Brain p. 33 Lesson 5: Reprogramming the Emotional Brain p. 48 Lesson 6: Understanding Your Triggers p. 50 Lesson 7: Stinking Thinking p. 56 Lesson 8: Secrets of Effective Communication p. 74 Lesson 9: How to Criticize Others in an Effective Way p. 88 Lesson 10: How to Respond Assertively to Criticism p. 95 Lesson 11: How to Respond to Difficult People p. 104 Lesson 12: To Forgive or To Not Forgive: That is The Question p. 120 3 Lesson One Introduction: What is Anger: Understanding How and Why You Express It “It is wise to direct your anger towards problems - not people, to focus your energies on answers – not excuses” William Arthur Ward Objectives Understand that anger is not really an emotion – it‘s a protective response to a perceived hurt or threat The goal of ―anger management‖ is to learn how to express your feelings in a way that will leave you feeling heard and empowered instead of being seen as the problem Learn the difference between expressing anger in aggressive, passive aggressive and rageful ways Understand the Anger Myths and which ones you may be using as excuses for your behavior Fully understand what anger is costing you in terms of your health, self-esteem, marriage, friendships and at the workplace. Understand the ―Four Horsemen of Anger‖ and why its important to address all four aspects of this model in order for you to fully control your anger Congratulations for making the decision to enroll in this class! As someone who has struggled with an anger problem I personally understand the damage it can do to your life; what its like to feel like you have a valid point to make, to feel like someone has really done you wrong and that you are in the right only to somehow or another end up expressing it looking like your problem. This only leaves you feeling more wronged, more hurt and more, ….well, angry. 4 Because of this, I‘ve spent close to twenty years learning everything I could about anger. In working on myself and with thousands of clients I have tested and retested countless methods. Many of these methods did not work and were thrown out. What you have before you between this text, the workbook, the special reports, the online videos and the ―Retrain Your Brain‖ DVD are what I believe to be the most cutting edge and comprehensive tools available to learn to deal with anger in a more productive fashion. You will learn how to deal with thing in a way that will leave you feeling heard, understood and in charge. Imagine – no more walking around holding simmering grudges, no more feeling as people look at you like there is something wrong with you. Won‘t that be great? My End of the Bargain Most anger courses don‘t work and there are two reasons for this. One is because of the course itself. Most workbooks I have seen or courses I‘ve attended tend to approach the problem from only one angle – you‘ve heard of them – you need to count to ten, you need to take a step back and think about things, you should try to see things from the other person‘s point of view. These are all very important skills and in fact you will see that I incorporate some of them in this course. The problem is that they are only one angle of the problem. What separates this course from others you may have taken is that we are going to cover anger from four very broad angles – what I call the ―Four Horsemen of Anger‖ Four Horsemen of Anger. 1) Biology. There are parts of our brain whose job is to determine if a situation is dangerous or Ohter books by Joe Tye Ohter books by Joe Tye By: Joe Tye Never Fear, Never Quit: A Story of Courage and Perseverance Staying on Top When the World’s Upside Down Personal Best The Winning the War with Yourself Field Manual Leadership Lessons from The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings The Farmer Take the Stairs (With Roger Looyenga) The Healing Tree: A Mermaid, A Poet, and A Miracle The Twelve Core Action Values The Florence Prescription: From Accountability to Ownership (with Dick Schwab) All Hands on Deck: Building a Culture of Ownership (due in July 2010) Pray for Your Friends: The Prayers of Job (due in December 2010) Metaphorical Visualization, The Janitor in Your Attic, and The Self-Empowerment Pledge are trademarks of Values Coach Inc 1/1 About the Author JOE GIRARD is one of those rare creatures: a highly motivated man who can communicate his inspiration and attitudes to others. For 12 straight years Joe sold more cars and trucks than any other salesperson. More as an individual than most dealers sell in total. No other salesperson has ever attained this title for more than one year, and not for both cars and trucks. On January 1, 1978, Joe hung up his gloves and quit selling cars. During his selling career (1963-1977), he sold 13,001 cars, all at retail. Most of his time is now spent writing books, giving lectures, and sales rallies. How To Close every sale By J oe G ir ar d an d ro Be rT l. sHook Power Points from Peter Lowe i n T r o d U C T i o n Henry B. Wilson said, “He who nds dia- monds must grapple in mud and mire because diamonds are not found in pol- ished stones. ey are made.” Sales is a very competitive eld—it draws the best—and in turn demands their best. And while some people may have more natural selling ability, there is no question that great salespeople are made—not born. So you constantly have to work on your presentation, your product knowledge, and your close. Joe Girard was the number one automobile salesperson in the world for een straight years, and when he speaks, all of us in sales need to listen. So as you read this summary, I hope that you’ll particularly note that: • You are your company’s number-one product. No sale happens without you—regardless of the inherent strength of your product. So look the part, act the part, and prepare for the part. Although people are repelled by cockiness, they are attracted to winsome con- dence. • You sell yourself rst. As Debbi Fields said, “You don’t have to be superhuman to do what you believe in.” So believe in yourself—it’s essential for sales success. • Conviction gives you power. It’s crucial that you thoroughly believe in your product or service. e conviction of absolute certainty in your product will give you condence as you present and make you convincing as you close. Besides, as someone committed to providing the very best for your customers, you must make sure that you are presenting exactly that. Enthusiastically, Closing a sale is the stage in the selling process where salespeople meet the greatest diculty. Joe Girard walks the reader through fundamental selling principles and experience-based insights guaranteed to help the reader sell any product or service. ese principles are grounded on an important rule: becoming a successful salesperson requires learning how to sell yourself rst. is is because buyers “buy into” the seller initially before they do the product or service. vo lUm e 7 5, nU mBe r 8 7 G E T M O T I V A T E D S E M I N A R S P R E S E N T S Peter Lowe is Founder & CEO of Get Motivated Seminars Field-Tested, Can’t-Lose Techniques to Win Lifetime Customers—and Make Every Sale Stick! THE NET NET F o r L e a d e r s a n d a c h i e v e r s W h o Wa n t t h e F ac t s . . . Fa st ! F o r L e a d e r s a n d a c h i e v e r s W h o Wa n t t h e F ac t s . . . Fa st ! How To Close every sale THE COMPLETE SUMMARY Principle one: understand why there is sales resistance Many individuals do not like being sold. Nor do they particularly warm up to salespeople. Poor public image of salespeople ere is a prevailing public perception that salespeople are unscrupulous, scheming, obnoxious, slick and smooth talkers who simply want to get the customers’ money. An “us vs. them” selling relationship Sales presentations and negotiations become contests between sellers and buyers. Here both parties become adversaries rather than teammates or How to Attract and Retain Customers With Content NOW By Joe Pulizzi Founder & Chief Content Ofcer Junta42 2 How to Attract and Retain Customers with Content NOW T oday’s Internet-savvy buyers are hungry for content. And not just any content … valuable, relevant content that offers solutions to their problems and helps them lead successful, productive, enjoyable jobs and lives. However, they are also inundated by thousands of marketing messages every day, most of which they ignore. To get through, you need to communicate differently—you need to do more than just sell products and services. You need to provide information. Smart marketers know this and are creating strong brand relationships by providing good, authoritative, even leadership-type content. Already, the average business marketer spends 30% of their marketing budget on the creation and execution of content. That number could grow to 50% over the next ve years. In 2007, Forrester research showed that 90% of purchasing decisions begin online. In most cases, before buyers have personal contact with you, they are already armed with information about your company, your people, your products. This is true whether they plan to buy ofce equipment or machine tools. What this means for you is opportunity—an opportunity to educate potential buyers about your industry, possible solution choices, best practices, and the right questions to ask. In this way, you have already begun a relationship that will make it easier for them to buy. That’s what content marketing is all about. In essence, the customer has initiated a conversation with you before you even know they are interested in your products and services. Sounds easy enough, right? Wrong. The majority of organizations are set up to sell products and services, not to create and deliver consistently valuable editorial products. That’s why the content execution seems so unnatural to most businesses. The good news is that by following the roadmap presented here, you will be well on your way to delivering content that is vital and relevant to your target market, and therefore, positioning yourself as the company they’ll turn to when the time comes to buy. Integrating a content marketing strategy isn’t easy, but as you’ll see below, it is imperative to growing and sustaining a protable business. CONTENT MARKETING DEFINED Content marketing is the art of understanding exactly what your customers need to know, and delivering it to them in a relevant and compelling way to grow your business. This extends way beyond the offering of product information, and into the realm of best practices, case studies, success stories, thought leadership, and more. Once you have delivered relevant content, you become a trusted resource. Content marketing enables companies to build a level of trust among their customers that makes it easy for those customers to buy. This is easy to say but hard to do because it almost certainly means changing the way you think and act about marketing. Case in Point: Motorola Motorola is an example of a company that is creating and executing valuable and relevant content (mostly online) to become a trusted 3 How to Attract and Retain Customers with Content NOW partner and resource to customers. Fifty-percent of Motorola’s revenues come from B2B ($36.6 billion in total revenues, $18 billion in B2B, 2007), and the company is rst or second in How to Attract and Retain Customers With Content NOW By Joe Pulizzi Founder & Chief Content Ofcer Junta42 2 How to Attract and Retain Customers with Content NOW T oday’s Internet-savvy buyers are hungry for content. And not just any content … valuable, relevant content that offers solutions to their problems and helps them lead successful, productive, enjoyable jobs and lives. However, they are also inundated by thousands of marketing messages every day, most of which they ignore. To get through, you need to communicate differently—you need to do more than just sell products and services. You need to provide information. Smart marketers know this and are creating strong brand relationships by providing good, authoritative, even leadership-type content. Already, the average business marketer spends 30% of their marketing budget on the creation and execution of content. That number could grow to 50% over the next ve years. In 2007, Forrester research showed that 90% of purchasing decisions begin online. In most cases, before buyers have personal contact with you, they are already armed with information about your company, your people, your products. This is true whether they plan to buy ofce equipment or machine tools. What this means for you is opportunity—an opportunity to educate potential buyers about your industry, possible solution choices, best practices, and the right questions to ask. In this way, you have already begun a relationship that will make it easier for them to buy. That’s what content marketing is all about. In essence, the customer has initiated a conversation with you before you even know they are interested in your products and services. Sounds easy enough, right? Wrong. The majority of organizations are set up to sell products and services, not to create and deliver consistently valuable editorial products. That’s why the content execution seems so unnatural to most businesses. The good news is that by following the roadmap presented here, you will be well on your way to delivering content that is vital and relevant to your target market, and therefore, positioning yourself as the company they’ll turn to when the time comes to buy. Integrating a content marketing strategy isn’t easy, but as you’ll see below, it is imperative to growing and sustaining a protable business. CONTENT MARKETING DEFINED Content marketing is the art of understanding exactly what your customers need to know, and delivering it to them in a relevant and compelling way to grow your business. This extends way beyond the offering of product information, and into the realm of best practices, case studies, success stories, thought leadership, and more. Once you have delivered relevant content, you become a trusted resource. Content marketing enables companies to build a level of trust among their customers that makes it easy for those customers to buy. This is easy to say but hard to do because it almost certainly means changing the way you think and act about marketing. Case in Point: Motorola Motorola is an example of a company that is creating and executing valuable and relevant content (mostly online) to become a trusted 3 How to Attract and Retain Customers with Content NOW partner and resource to customers. Fifty-percent of Motorola’s 2 By Joe Booth Foreword by Daniel Jebaraj 3 Copyright © 2013 by Syncfusion Inc. 2501 Aerial Center Parkway Suite 200 Morrisville, NC 27560 USA All rights reserved. mportant licensing information. Please read. This book is available for free download from www.syncfusion.com on completion of a registration form. If you obtained this book from any other source, please register and download a free copy from www.syncfusion.com. This book is licensed for reading only if obtained from www.syncfusion.com. This book is licensed strictly for personal or educational use. Redistribution in any form is prohibited. The authors and copyright holders provide absolutely no warranty for any information provided. The authors and copyright holders shall not be liable for any claim, damages, or any other liability arising from, out of, or in connection with the information in this book. Please do not use this book if the listed terms are unacceptable. Use shall constitute acceptance of the terms listed. SYNCFUSION, SUCCINCTLY, DELIVER INNOVATION WITH EASE, ESSENTIAL, and .NET ESSENTIALS are the registered trademarks of Syncfusion, Inc. Technical Reviewer: Jay Natarajan, senior product manager, Syncfusion, Inc. Copy Editor: Courtney Wright Acquisitions Coordinator: Jessica Rightmer, senior marketing strategist, Syncfusion, Inc. Proofreader: Graham High, content producer, Syncfusion, Inc. I 4 Table of Contents The Story behind the Succinctly Series of Books 13 About the Author 15 Preface 16 Chapter 1 Microsoft Visual Studio 18 Visual Studio add-ins 18 IDTExtensibility2 Interface 18 IDTCommandTarget Interface 19 Assemblies 19 Wizard 19 Chapter 2 Add-in “Hello World” 20 Create the project 20 Select your language 21 Application hosts 21 Name and Description 21 Add-in options 22 About Information 23 Summary 23 Connection Code 23 Exec Code 25 Query Status code 25 Generated files 26 Chapter 3 Hooking into the IDE 27 OnConnection Method 27 5 Linking to menu items 27 Linking to other windows 29 Adding to the code window 29 Other IDE windows 30 Adding a toolbar button 31 QueryStatus Method 31 Other methods 32 OnAddInsUpdate method 32 OnBeginShutdown method 32 OnDisconnection method 32 On StartupComplete 32 A few caveats 32 Chapter 4 Application and Add-in Objects 34 Application Object 34 ActiveDocument 34 ActiveWindow 34 Debugger 34 Documents 34 Edition 35 ItemOperations 35 LocaleID 35 MainWindow 35 Mode 35 Solution 35 ToolWindows 35 Windows 36 AddIn Object 36 6 Add-in properties 36 Collection 36 Connected 36 Description 36 GUID 37 Name 37 Object 37 ProgID 37 SatelliteDLLPath 37 Assemblies 37 Extensibility.dll 37 CommandBars.dll 37 EnvDTE.dll 38 VSLangProj.dll 38 Chapter 5 Save Some Files Add-In 39 SaveSomeFiles add-in 39 Designing the selection form 39 Implementing the Exec() method 40 But not while debugging 41 Summary 42 Chapter 6 Testing Your Add-In 43 Configuration files 43 For Testing.AddIn 43 Add-in settings 43 LoadBehavior 43 CommandPreload 44 Add-in life cycle 44 7 0: Call Manually 44 1: Load at Start-up 45 Debugging 45 Common mistakes 45 Add-in not enabled on menu 45 Add-in never invoked 46 Events not triggering 46 Not seeing code changes 46 Removing an add-in module 46 Pesky “Unable to delete” message 46 Chapter 7 Visual Studio Environment 47 VS Info Wizard 47 VS Info Form 47 Exec() method 48 Getting options 49 Getting add-ins installed 51 Environment information 51 Getting an OS-friendly name 52 Displaying the form 53 Final results 53 Chapter 8 Solution 55 Solution Info Wizard 55 Updating the menu icon 55 Exec() method 56 Solution info 56 Totaling project information 56 Properties 58 8 Displaying the results 58 Solution methods 59 Close 59 FindProjectItem 59 SaveAs 59 SolutionBuild 60 Build 60 Clean 60 Run 60 BuildState 60 Chapter 9 Projects 61