Band: 6.5 – 7.0 Strength: - Nắm được cấu trúc bài viết Task 1 và Task 2, chia bố cục rõ ràng - Cohesive devices sử dụng hợp lý - Từ vựng được paraphrase khá tốt, collocation và word
Trang 116 Vo Van Toan
Task 1
The line chart shows data of gross domestic progress (GDP) and percentage of price increase in the economy of Vietnam over seven years from 2001 to 2008
It can be seen clearly that there were diverse directions in these two important indexes in the this
developing country within 7 year seven-year period While, there was sustainable increase of unexpected
value of in inflation, GDP increased slightly during this period and then fell down in the end in the later period (không có giai đoạn cuối hay kết thúc) on this survey.
Even though, there were small drops in 2003 and 2006, but the average price of goods climbed up from only 1% in the starting point of in 2001 to nearly 20% in 2008 The most dramatic jump from the rate
under two numbers to the peak point happened steadily within a very short duration of two years from
2006 to 2008
In contrast, there was were gradual climbs in GDP, but the total value was only 1,5% , increased
increasing from 7% to 8,48% during a long-term progress of six years Then it began falling sharply to
the lower point compared with to the initial rate of 2001.
Band: 5.5 – 6.0
Task 2
There have been so many concerns on the quality of students graduated from universities
postgraduates (người học xong đại học) in Vietnam Some people estimate that these personnels
personnel (dạng plural vẫn giữ nguyên) have limited practical experiences , ; however, others agree
that these well-trained employees can satisfy the requirements of companies
Vietnam , as a developing country, has some limited infrastructure compared with to developed countries
around the world ininvestingperfect facilities for training and education system This can explain the reason why graduates from most universities of this country cannot be equipped with enough knowledge and experiences during there their courses Hanoi Uuniversity as one of the top educational institutions in Vietnam is classified in the group on top 200 well-known universities in Asia (irrelevant) In addition, the
demand of human resource in this country has increased dramatically in recent years, especially in the sector of foreign investment companies Vietnamese graduates cannot fullfil fulfill/fulfill their duties as surpass oversea technicians and experts in terms of work experiences and practical interactions Labors
from abroad can complete their jobs easily and quickly becauce because they have been trained
comprehensively during schools, whereas Vietnamese personnels personnel only study mostly theories
so that it musttake takes times for them to engage adapt gradually This situations becomes more
difficult for national engineers exporting to work in foreign environments of in developed countries
With regarding to working conditions in Vietnam, graduated students have become made up the majority
on manpower of the economy society Due to the lack of high qualified employees, national companies
can hire low wage human resorce resource to promote the business Some small enterprises can use
these workers in some necessary areas of there their operations with appropriate assignments, ;
however, they can also get benefits thank thanks to low expenses for salaries Furthermore, these
employers can enhance the performance of their personnels personnel by creating working learning
environment so that the quality of labors can be improved effectively For example, some graduates
Trang 2accept joining intership internship programs in some companies without any payment within a definite
duration (viết lại: some graduates agree to join non-paid internship programs in various companies
within a definite duration) Then, they can applyfor their jobs into positions where there are demands
appropriate positions This tendency has become popular in different fields and promise so many potentialsfor actualized improving the quality improvement of graduates of in Vietnam
In my opinion, the quality of university graduated employees depend depends on the actual demand of
the economy in general and of each enterprise in particular In some business models, experiences can
be very important becauce because this can help reduce some expenses for initial training However, some reputational reputable universities in Vietnam can also supply acceptable human resource for the
demand of many numerous different fields of the economy.
Band: 6.5 – 7.0
Strength:
- Nắm được cấu trúc bài viết Task 1 và Task 2, chia bố cục rõ ràng
- Cohesive devices sử dụng hợp lý
- Từ vựng được paraphrase khá tốt, collocation và word choice hợp lý
Weakness:
- Nhiều từ vựng còn sai chính tả
- Ngữ pháp còn đơn giản, nhiều câu sử dụng với modal verb “can”
- Sử dụng nhiều từ “some”, “many”… nên thay bằng từ advanced hơn hoặc paraphrase tránh lặp lại
- Còn nhiều ý chưa lien quan tới nội dung bài và không rõ rang
17 Nguyễn Huy Hoàng
Task 1
The line chart gives information on GDP and inflation rate price increase percentage (nên paraphrase)
of Vietnamese economy from 2001 to 2008
It is clear that inflation rate (lặp từ) of Vietnamese during period from 2001 to 2008 experienced a
dramatically increased while the GDP stayed relatively stable (nên viết overview chung cho các
trend nổi bật của các đường trong biểu đồ)
About In terms of/ Regarding to GDP of Vietnamese, we can be seen it can be seen that GDP slightly
climbed from 6.99% to 7.24% from 2001 to 2003 (lặp cấu trúc from-to) in three first years and in this period GDP was higher than the rate of inflation In the next four years, the rate of inflation rapidly
increased from 3.0% to 9.5% and it was higher than the figure of GDP (7.7%) In 2005, the rate of
inflation same with equaledGDP ( 8.4%) and then the figure of inflation decease decreased to 6.6%
while GDP slowly decreased to 8.17% Over three last year years of period, the rate of inflation
dramatically increased from 6.6% to 19.89% while lặp cấu trúc câu GDP of VN slightly go up to 8.48%
following by a rapidly increased ( 6.23 % in the last year of period)
Band: 4.5 - 5.0
Trang 3- Có ý so sánh để làm nổi bật ý trong bài nhưng chưa chọn lọc số liệu tốt
- Lặp nhiều cấu trúc câu “while”, có thể thay bằng meanwhile, hoặc whereas…
- Còn sai chính tả 1 số từ
- Thì chưa nhất quán
18 Dinh Cam Tu
Task 1
The graph line chart shows the GDP and inflation ratio in Vietnam between 2001 and 2008
From the graph it is clear As can be seen from the graph that the GDP rate was higher than the
inflation rate in the begind beginning of the period while there was lower of than the former previous data in the end year later period => không có điểm đầu cuối của 1 giai đoạn, chỉ nên nói giai đoạn
đầu và giai đoạn sau
Starting at 6,89% in 2001, the GDP rate increased sequentially to 8.4% in next four years before
decreased slowly to 8.17% in 2006 Then this figure went down gradually to 6.23% in 2008 after rose midly mildly to 8.48% in 2007
Beside, (cần trạng từ) Besides,starting at 0.8% in first year, the inflation rate fluctuated moderately around 8.4% during this period and reached a peak of 19.89% in 2008
Band: 4.0
Comment:
- Bố cục 4 đoạn hợp lý (introduction – overview – body 1 – body 2)
- Bài viết còn lặp từ
- Dùng cấu trúc còn đơn điệu E.g: cấu trúc so sách while, before-after lặp lại trong đoạn body 1
19 Phan Thu Ngoc
Task 1
The line graph compares the figures of Vietnamese economy between 2001 and 2008 in term terms of
GDP and inflation rate
Overall, while there was an upward fluctuation in the increase of inflation degree, the speed of
Vietnamese GDP growth rate was absolutely stable
Looking at the information in more detail, the growth rate of inflation began at 0.8% in 2001 and increased
to 4.00% in 2000 before dropping to 3.00% in the next year After that, this figure reached a new high in
2004 with 9.5% and decreased by 2.9% in two-year period In the end of the period, this it rocketed from
6.6% and ended at 19.89% in 2008
Trang 4At the same period, the GDP rate was nearly constant The growth of GDP in Vietnam started at 6.89% and went up slightly to 8.4% in 2006, in which the speed of GDP and inflation were at the same rate the only time in the whole period were of equal rate for one time during the whole period Then the GDP
rate witnessed a minimal decline in the next one year and then it reversed its trend, and reached
reaching (dùng nhiều liên từ) a peak at 8.48% After that, the figure of GDP growth in Vietnam was
stayed 6.23% in the end
Band: 6.5
Comment:
- Bài viết có bố cục hợp lý và rõ ràng, mô tả được các xu hướng chính, và có sự so sánh giữa các giai đoạn
- Các ý được phân bổ logic, cohesive devices kết nối phù hợp, tuy nhiên còn lặp từ E.g: after that
- Chưa dùng được nhiều cấu trúc đa dạng E.g: so sánh…
Task 2
There have has been a debate about the quality of graduates in Vienam. that Wwhile some people think that student fresh fresh students from university in Vietnam usually need more visual experieces
experiences to satisfy the employers, others agree that they have already meet met the work demands
when they graduate after their graduation In my opinion, Vietnamese recent graduates may lack of
work practice; howerver however, some of them still can eliminate this problem issue and do well excel
in any company
To begin with, Vietnamese students may not inappropriate for job market because of their lack of
practice Firsly,Firstly in manyuniversity a number of universities in Vietnam, students are just taught
about theories from books If they want to get high marks, they must say the same things as the books say (lặp từ, nên dùng từ có nghĩa cụ thể hơn hoặc viết lại “They must follow/copy exactly the same things written in the books), because some Vietnamese professors are not interested in tend not
to show high interest in any other creative definitions that students self figure out in life (unclear) That
leads to the fact that, the students in Vietnam become lazier to have obtain experiences and activities outside classes linking to their lessons outside the classes Furthermore, some company various companies do not want to have student intern refuse/hesitate to hire intern for the sake of their time
and security Some managers think that assume that training new employees is time-cosuming
consuming; meanwhile, several bosses believe on-the-job trainee may steal their secrets of thier their
companies as they do not want to cooperate with that job contribute/devotein long period
On the other hand, graduates in Vietnam take many advantages in workforce, and absolutely meet the job requirements (unclear) The first thing is now there are a great munber number of programs that
support youngsters to experience the real work working skills Then when they graduated, they can be
confident that they have knowledge not only from many theories they learn at university but also from the
in knowledge gained from prestigious tranee trainee courses rather than university curriculum However, although if students do not have any opportunities to work as an intern when they are learning, they still can improve their skills as long as each of them have an inquire receptive mind To specify,
they can ask for the colleague's help or find out how to do a good job through deal with many a bulk of
documents
Trang 5In conclusion, I believe that if Vietnamese students are active and energetic, the lack of work experience will no longer be a problems problem
Band: 5.5
Comment:
- Bố cục rõ rang, paragraphing hợp lý
- Các ý được chia logic và dễ theo dõi
- Còn nhiều ý chưa rõ rang và thừa
- Còn dùng nhiều common words và expression
- Spelling nhiều từ sai
- Có cố gắng dùng những cấu trúc ngữ pháp khác nhau nhưng cách dùng chưa chính xác và hợp lý
20 Nguyễn Thị Huyền
Task 1
The given line graph gives information about the GDP together with the inflation rate of the economy of Vietnam in the 7 seven-year period from 2001 to 2008 (Nên xuống dòng) From an overall perspective ,
there was a fluctuation in both two figures
As can be seen from the graph, from 2001 to 2002, while there was a soft increase in the GDP, (about 0.5% ), inflation rate increased sharply from 0.4% to 4%, a rise of approximately 3% Over the period from
2003 and to 2004, inflation rate went up from 3.0% to about 9.5% The inflation rate reached its peaked
peak at 19.89% in the year 2008, ater then there was a sudden increase from 6.6% in 2006
The GDP from 2001 to 2003 seen saw/witnessed a soft increase from 6.89% to 7.24% In 2004, the
GDP fallen fell down to 7.7% but continued to go up to 8.4% in 2005 As can be seen, (lặp cách dùng)
both figures was 8.4% in 2005 While from 2006 to 2008, the inflation rate rised rose, the GDP had a dip
from 8.48% to only 6.23%
Band: 4.0
Comment
- Bố cục chưa hợp lý, nên đảm bảo có (introduction, overview và body)
- Spelling nhiều từ còn sai
- Grammar: chia động từ thì quá khứ đơn sai
- Lặp cấu trúc mô tả
- Chưa biết các paraphrase các cách mô tả xu hướng
- Data lựa chọn chưa nổi bật, không có các ý so sánh 1 cách logic
Task 2
Thiếu introduction
Trang 6First, it goes without saying is undeniable that students are now trying their best to improve their skills such as computer or team work skill This means that graduates are likely to be not passive anymore (câu khẳng định tuyệt đối không nên dùng, lặp với ý bên dưới) They are becoming more and more
active and willing to learn new things thanks to advancement in many fields such as technology,
transportation that as/since/for they help things can be donemake things easier and more convenient
simplify and facilitate works Therefore, the qualification of the graduates is much more better more superior than it used to be
To be fair, however, there are still graduates who are not qualified enough to satisfy the demand of the
employers They are students who just mainly pay their attention only to studying knowldege knowledge
in the course book and learn to get high scores instead of applying knowledge to real life These students may find it hard to get the concern of the employers be concerned/considered a job by recuiter
From my perspetive, perspective, it cannot be denied that Vietnamese graduates is making progress
constantly to make themselves more accomplished (unclear)so that they will be hired by company they want Comparing to the past, it is a breakthrough (irrelevant) Nonetheless, they still have to make
constant (lặp từ) effort to complete themselves as well as being believed and highly recommended by the employer. (lặp ý)
The bottom line (lỗi diễn đạt) is that we cannot underestimate the ablity ability of the graduates because
they are changing by every minute Meanwhile, it is vital that graduates improve their own learning skill as well as soft skill and be to be sensitive to the market’s variation to be experienced enough By doing so, the graduates’ quality can be greatly enhanced and the employers are they become more accessible to
find out suitable workers the employers
Band: 4.0
Comment:
- Chưa nắm được bố cục và cách triển khai ý của bài Discussion và Giving opinion
- Các ý triển khai không rõ rang và logic
- Từ vựng và ngữ pháp chưa academic
- Chưa sử dụng đúng các cohesive devices, cohesion của passage chưa tốt
21 Trần Thị Mỹ Ngọc
Task 1
The graph compares the GDP and inflation rate of Vietnamese economy from 2001 to 2008 Overall, the
rate of GDP grew slowly whereas inflation was more dramatic change change more dramatically
To begin with, in 2001 the rate of GDP was 6,89%, it was in comparison with 0,8% of inflation (lỗi diễn đạt) However, there was an unstable increase and decrease in the inflation over the next four years, the peak of this period reached (reaching the peak at 9,5%) in 2004 By contrast, GDP remained a slight
increase under 7%
The biggest rise was seen in inflation as a occasions it jumped sharply from 6,6% in 2006 to 18,8% in
2008 while GDP declined considerably from 8,48% in 2007 to 6,23% in 2008
Trang 7P/s: Thưa cô, đây là lần đầu tiên em viết lại Task 1 sau lần cuối cùng em học từ năm 2012, mọi kiến thức
em gần như quên hết, chỉ nhớ một số từ vựng dùng trong Task 1 thôi nên em đã vận dụng vào đây Còn Task 2 thì cả về kỹ năng và từ vựng em đều quên hết :(( Em có dự định đi du học Úc trong thời gian sắp tới và cần band thấp nhất là 6.5, thời gian em có để luyện ôn thi ít nhất 3-4 tháng, em rảnh cả ngày (trừ những buổi đi học ở Trung tâm IF) Vậy với kỹ năng viết hiện tại của em như thế này thì em cần bắt đầu
từ đâu và nên có lịch trình học như thế nào mới đủ tự tin để đăng ký thi ạ? Phần đọc và nghe là em tự tin hơn (>5.0) còn phần nói thì cũng giống phần viết ạ Em mong nhận được sự góp ý chân thành nhất từ cô
ạ <3
22 Ho Thanh Me
Task 1
Task 1
The line graph shows the average per capital income and inflation rate of economy of people who live in Vietnam between 2001 and 2008
Overall, the rate of the inflation of Vietnam’s econmy economy increased significantly over the period of
7 seven years At the same time, there was a slight decrease in the GPD rate of Vietnamese economy
(thừa)
In the 2001-2004 period In the period of four years from 2001 to 2004, the percentage rate (chọn 1 trong 2 từ) of change of Vietnam’s price increase index fluctuated upwards between 0.8 percent and 9.5
percent, followed by a considerable drop to 6.6 percent in 2006 There was the highest point of 19.89 percent in the inflation rate in 2008 The rate of GDP of Vietnamese economy saw a gradual growth from 6.89 percent in 2001 to 8.4 percent in 2005 before remaining unchanged about 8.4 percent in the next couple of years There was the lowest point of 6.23 percent in the last year period of time ( lặp cấu trúc)
Band: 5.0
Comment:
- Bài viết được chia bố cục tương đối rõ rang
- Có cố gắng paraphrase tuy nhiên chưa rõ ý nghĩa
- Chưa có sự so sánh và kết nối giữa các giai đoạn hoặc các chỉ số
- Lựa chọn số liệu chưa nổi bật
- Từ vựng và cách diễn đạt chưa học thuật
- Còn lặp lại nhiều cấu trúc viết câu
23 Đoàn Quốc Huy
Task 1
The line graph compares two distinct sectors in terms of the changes in the proportion of the GDP and
inflation rate in Viet Nam over an 8-year eight-year period
Trang 8It is noticeable that the inflation rate in Viet Nam climbed dramatically, while the most slight slightest decrease was seen in the GDP between 2001 and 2008 (nên viết while the percentage of GDP
witnessed the slightest decrease during the period from 2001 to 2008)
In 2001, the inflation rate and GDP of Vietnamese economy were at just 0.8% and 6.89%, respectively From 2001 to 2007, the inflation rate had some fluctuations It fell significantly between 2004 and 2006 until before it increased dramatically to 12.63% in 2007 (Nên thêm cohesive devices) There was a
moderate rise in GDP of Vietnamese economy by 8.48%
In 2008, the inflation rate was peaked peaked at 19.89% By contrast, the most significant decrease was seen (lặp cấu trúc) in the GDP by 6.23%
Band: 4.5
Comment:
- Bài viết chia bố cục khá rõ rang, tuy nhiên chưa có nhiều cohesive devices để làm cho các ý kết nối hơn
- Chưa đưa ra được sự so sánh, ví dụ: từng giai đoạn hoặc từng chỉ số
- Cách diễn đạt còn chưa rõ ràng, mang tính liệt kê
- Từ vựng chưa paraphrase tốt, còn lặp ý
24 Nguyễn Đức Hà
Task 1
The line chart illustrates the percentage of GDP and inflation of the economy in Viet Nam Vietnam over
an interval of 8 eight years
As can be seen from the graph, that the GDP rate showed a continuous growing growth a in the first 5
five years then it slightly leveled off in 2006 by to 8.17% In 2007, there was a the highest proportion in
the GDP of Vietnamese economy by to 8.48% but after that this rate suddenly decreased from 8.48% to
6.23% in the the year 2008s In the case of Regarding to/In terms of the inflation in Viet Nam Vietnam,
it had/witnessed a fluctuant trend between 2001 and 2008 This percentage moderately increased in
2002 and then it turned into a decrease (lỗi diễn đạt) in 2003 by to 3.0% From 2003 - 2006, the
proportion of Vietnamese inflation in the economy (thừa) dramatically ended up higher in 2004 (up to
9.5%) and then fell off in 2006 Between 2006 and 2008, there was a swift rise in the inflation rate from 6.6% to 19.89%
In conclusion, during the period of 8 years, the Vietnamese inflation displayed a dramatic rise and the rate
of GDP slightly fell off by in contrast The highest inflation rate is 19.88% in 2008 while the lowest GDP
percentage is 6.23% in the same year
Band: 6.5
Comment:
- Bố cục rõ ràng và có logic giữa các đoạn
- Sử dụng từ vựng và cách diễn đạt học thuật, paraphrase từ vựng tốt
Trang 9- Xem lại cách dùng increase to và increase by
25 Nguyễn Thị Mai
Task 1
The line graph illustrates the changes of two factors of VN Vietnam economic economy namely the
GDP and inflation rate over the course of 7 seven years starting in from 2001
Overall, the GDP rate gradually increased except the time between 2005 and 2008, while the inflation rate has a rapid changes change over the period given Specially, the inflation rate quickly dramatically/ considerablyincreased from 2005 to 2008 Even though Nonetheless/Nevertheless, at the start of the
period, the GDP was much higher than inflation rate, but in the last later year years the inflation rate
dramatically increased3 three times as much as the GDP
With regards to the GDP changed change, it began at 6,89% in 2005 and moderately increased by 8,4%
in 2005 then dramatically decreased by 6,23% in 2008 In contrast, the economic economy inflation of
Vietnam fluctuated in the period from 2001 to 2006 then sharply increased by to 19,89% in 2008
Although, there are two different fluctuation fluctuations of trends in GDP and inflation rate, they are still met equaled by 8,4% in 2005
Band: 5.5
Comment:
- Bố cục hợp lý cho 1 bài task 1
- Còn dùng lặp từ mô tả xu hướng, e.g increase/decrease Cần paraphrase và dùng các cách diên đạt khác
- Các cách diễn đạt chưa linh hoạt, mẫu câu chưa đa dạng
26 Nguyễn Lâm Minh Hậu
Task 1
The given graph illustrates the GDP and inflation’s ratio in the field of economy in Vietnam for the period
of 7 seven years, beginning in 2001 2008
Specifically, while GDP was starting off at the higher percentage (6.89%), the inflation boasted the least number, which was under 1% For the next two years, they didn’t did not make any modest changes as GDP increased slightly from 7.08% to 7,24% meanwhile inflation’s number figure for inflation dropped by 1% after reaching 4% in 2002 However, they showed great a difference since the inflation exceeded GDP by getting 9.5%, which was approximately more 2% than GDP (7.7%) However, it decreased swiftly and met at 8,4%, being equivalent with GDP and then the two went on their separated paths To be exact, the inflation declined to 6,6% in 2006 and climbed suddenly in the next two years However, GDP ultimately leveled off and fell to 6,23% at the same time
Trang 10On the whole, the statistics shows that GDP and the inflation’s amount seemed to always have significant distances Though it was inflation that was less than GDP in 2001, whereas in 2008 (không nên dùng whereas ở đây vì câu đang đi theo mạch của mệnh đề “though”), they so far were not different since it even made a change to be higher
Band: 6.0
Comment:
- Nắm được cách làm bài Writing Task 1
- Mô tả và so sánh sô liệu khá tốt
- Cần chú ý hơn cách dùng từ, và dùng cấu trúc câu diễn tả ý rõ ràng hơn
Task 2
In this century we now live, it has become greatly drastic in choices, exposing exposed by the picture of people that have many ways to demonstrate their own ability Some will be dropping droppedout from school to work for employers, some go to applied science university to study fully about the job they would like to do in the future And because of several methods you can choose to make in your own routine, there is an increasing argument regarding to Vietnamese graduates, whether they should earn more experiences or the certificate is enough for employers ’s demand This essay is going to analyze the phenomenon and my idea will be delivered through the paragraph (nên chỉ ra luôn quan điểm của mình)
On one hand, when you are able to go to educational institution, it is a great opportunity that you learn professionally about your job Next, you know the processes, the risk and the other experience or the new approach the world has discovered Concurrently, in the knowledgeable environment, it supplies with greater chances to meet demands of large companies For instance, with all the lessons you have
prepared and learnt in university, it is easy to manipulate the machine or how the business works, which brings better results for your job
On other hand, working experience also helps you with benefits As can be seen as a the explanation for this thesis essay, we all see that with practicing in practical situations, people seem to gradually get to be familiar with works and apply or produce new inventions as it elicits every process by real pictures you have to face and learn to use for days That is the fast we could study better that is the way we could study fast and better and aren’t are not confused when it comes to reality For example, you may learn in the book about the new machine that when you have never tried, it would lead to difficulties in the time you meet it However, if you sometimes have a chance to work with it, your ability will be much easy to handle You will find it much easier to handle
In conclusion, I do not agree in both views which we should ultimately learn or seek for working
experiences In my opinion, I suggest that people ought to mingle two approaches to not only render our job better but also give us full knowledges
Band: 5.5
Comment:
- Nắm được cách làm bài
- Bố cục rõ ràng
- Cần luyện tập viết câu súc tích và chính xác về ngữ pháp hơn