Bài chấm điểm IELTS writing day 2 bài viết mẫu

16 Vo Van Toan Task The line chart shows data of gross domestic progress (GDP) and percentage of price increase in the economy of Vietnam over seven years from 2001 to 2008 It can be seen clearly that there were diverse directions in these two important indexes in the this developing country within year seven-year period While, there was sustainable increase of unexpected value of in inflation, GDP increased slightly during this period and then fell down in the end in the later period (không có giai đoạn cuối hay kết thúc) on this survey Even though, there were small drops in 2003 and 2006, but the average price of goods climbed up from only 1% in the starting point of in 2001 to nearly 20% in 2008 The most dramatic jump from the rate under two numbers to the peak point happened steadily within a very short duration of two years from 2006 to 2008 In contrast, there was were gradual climbs in GDP, but the total value was only 1,5% , increased increasing from 7% to 8,48% during a long-term progress of six years Then it began falling sharply to the lower point compared with to the initial rate of 2001 Band: 5.5 – 6.0 Task 2 There have been so many concerns on the quality of students graduated from universities postgraduates (người học xong đại học) in Vietnam Some people estimate that these personnels personnel (dạng plural giữ nguyên) have limited practical experiences , ; however, others agree that these well-trained employees can satisfy the requirements of companies Vietnam , as a developing country, has some limited infrastructure compared with to developed countries around the world in investing perfect facilities for training and education system This can explain the reason why graduates from most universities of this country cannot be equipped with enough knowledge and experiences during there their courses Hanoi Uuniversity as one of the top educational institutions in Vietnam is classified in the group on top 200 well-known universities in Asia (irrelevant) In addition, the demand of human resource in this country has increased dramatically in recent years, especially in the sector of foreign investment companies Vietnamese graduates cannot fullfil fulfill/fulfill their duties as surpass oversea technicians and experts in terms of work experiences and practical interactions Labors from abroad can complete their jobs easily and quickly becauce because they have been trained comprehensively during schools, whereas Vietnamese personnels personnel only study mostly theories so that it must take takes times for them to engage adapt gradually This situations becomes more difficult for national engineers exporting to work in foreign environments of in developed countries With regarding to working conditions in Vietnam, graduated students have become made up the majority on manpower of the economy society Due to the lack of high qualified employees, national companies can hire low wage human resorce resource to promote the business Some small enterprises can use these workers in some necessary areas of there their operations with appropriate assignments, ; however, they can also get benefits thank thanks to low expenses for salaries Furthermore, these employers can enhance the performance of their personnels personnel by creating working learning environment so that the quality of labors can be improved effectively For example, some graduates accept joining intership internship programs in some companies without any payment within a definite duration (viết lại: some graduates agree to join non-paid internship programs in various companies within a definite duration) Then, they can apply for their jobs into positions where there are demands appropriate positions This tendency has become popular in different fields and promise so many potentials for actualized improving the quality improvement of graduates of in Vietnam In my opinion, the quality of university graduated employees depend depends on the actual demand of the economy in general and of each enterprise in particular In some business models, experiences can be very important becauce because this can help reduce some expenses for initial training However, some reputational reputable universities in Vietnam can also supply acceptable human resource for the demand of many numerous different fields of the economy Band: 6.5 – 7.0 Strength: - Nắm được cấu trúc bài viết Task 1 và Task 2, chia bố cục rõ ràng Cohesive devices sử dụng hợp lý Từ vựng được paraphrase khá tốt, collocation và word choice hợp lý Weakness: - Nhiều từ vựng còn sai chính tả Ngữ pháp còn đơn giản, nhiều câu sử dụng với modal verb “can” Sử dụng nhiều từ “some”, “many”… nên thay bằng từ advanced hơn hoặc paraphrase tránh lặp lại Còn nhiều ý chưa lien quan tới nội dung bài và không rõ rang 17 Nguyễn Huy Hoàng Task The line chart gives information on GDP and inflation rate price increase percentage (nên paraphrase) of Vietnamese economy from 2001 to 2008 It is clear that inflation rate (lặp từ) of Vietnamese during period from 2001 to 2008 experienced a dramatically increased while the GDP stayed relatively stable (nên viết overview chung cho trend bật đường biểu đồ) About In terms of/ Regarding to GDP of Vietnamese, we can be seen it can be seen that GDP slightly climbed from 6.99% to 7.24% from 2001 to 2003 (lặp cấu trúc from-to) in three first years and in this period GDP was higher than the rate of inflation In the next four years, the rate of inflation rapidly increased from 3.0% to 9.5% and it was higher than the figure of GDP (7.7%) In 2005, the rate of inflation same with equaled GDP ( 8.4%) and then the figure of inflation decease decreased to 6.6% while GDP slowly decreased to 8.17% Over three last year years of period, the rate of inflation dramatically increased from 6.6% to 19.89% while lặp cấu trúc câu GDP of VN slightly go up to 8.48% following by a rapidly increased ( 6.23 % in the last year of period) Band: 4.5 - 5.0 - Có ý so sánh để làm bật ý chưa chọn lọc số liệu tốt Lặp nhiều cấu trúc câu “while”, thay meanwhile, whereas… Còn sai tả số từ Thì chưa quán 18 Dinh Cam Tu Task The graph line chart shows the GDP and inflation ratio in Vietnam between 2001 and 2008 From the graph it is clear As can be seen from the graph that the GDP rate was higher than the inflation rate in the begind beginning of the period while there was lower of than the former previous data in the end year later period => điểm đầu cuối giai đoạn, nên nói giai đoạn đầu giai đoạn sau Starting at 6,89% in 2001, the GDP rate increased sequentially to 8.4% in next four years before decreased slowly to 8.17% in 2006 Then this figure went down gradually to 6.23% in 2008 after rose midly mildly to 8.48% in 2007 Beside, (cần trạng từ) Besides, starting at 0.8% in first year, the inflation rate fluctuated moderately around 8.4% during this period and reached a peak of 19.89% in 2008 Band: 4.0 Comment: - Bố cục đoạn hợp lý (introduction – overview – body – body 2) - Bài viết lặp từ - Dùng cấu trúc đơn điệu E.g: cấu trúc so sách while, before-after lặp lại đoạn body 19 Phan Thu Ngoc Task The line graph compares the figures of Vietnamese economy between 2001 and 2008 in term terms of GDP and inflation rate Overall, while there was an upward fluctuation in the increase of inflation degree, the speed of Vietnamese GDP growth rate was absolutely stable Looking at the information in more detail, the growth rate of inflation began at 0.8% in 2001 and increased to 4.00% in 2000 before dropping to 3.00% in the next year After that, this figure reached a new high in 2004 with 9.5% and decreased by 2.9% in two-year period In the end of the period, this it rocketed from 6.6% and ended at 19.89% in 2008 At the same period, the GDP rate was nearly constant The growth of GDP in Vietnam started at 6.89% and went up slightly to 8.4% in 2006, in which the speed of GDP and inflation were at the same rate the only time in the whole period were of equal rate for one time during the whole period Then the GDP rate witnessed a minimal decline in the next one year and then it reversed its trend, and reached reaching (dùng nhiều liên từ) a peak at 8.48% After that, the figure of GDP growth in Vietnam was stayed 6.23% in the end Band: 6.5 Comment: - Bài viết có bố cục hợp lý rõ ràng, mô tả xu hướng chính, có so sánh giai đoạn Các ý phân bổ logic, cohesive devices kết nối phù hợp, nhiên lặp từ E.g: after that Chưa dùng nhiều cấu trúc đa dạng E.g: so sánh… Task There have has been a debate about the quality of graduates in Vienam that Wwhile some people think that student fresh fresh students from university in Vietnam usually need more visual experieces experiences to satisfy the employers, others agree that they have already meet met the work demands when they graduate after their graduation In my opinion, Vietnamese recent graduates may lack of work practice; howerver however, some of them still can eliminate this problem issue and well excel in any company To begin with, Vietnamese students may not inappropriate for job market because of their lack of practice Firsly,Firstly in many university a number of universities in Vietnam, students are just taught about theories from books If they want to get high marks, they must say the same things as the books say (lặp từ, nên dùng từ có nghĩa cụ thể viết lại “They must follow/copy exactly the same things written in the books), because some Vietnamese professors are not interested in tend not to show high interest in any other creative definitions that students self figure out in life (unclear) That leads to the fact that, the students in Vietnam become lazier to have obtain experiences and activities outside classes linking to their lessons outside the classes Furthermore, some company various companies not want to have student intern refuse/hesitate to hire intern for the sake of their time and security Some managers think that assume that training new employees is time-cosuming consuming; meanwhile, several bosses believe on-the-job trainee may steal their secrets of thier their companies as they not want to cooperate with that job contribute/devote in long period On the other hand, graduates in Vietnam take many advantages in workforce, and absolutely meet the job requirements (unclear) The first thing is now there are a great munber number of programs that support youngsters to experience the real work working skills Then when they graduated, they can be confident that they have knowledge not only from many theories they learn at university but also from the in knowledge gained from prestigious tranee trainee courses rather than university curriculum However, although if students not have any opportunities to work as an intern when they are learning, they still can improve their skills as long as each of them have an inquire receptive mind To specify, they can ask for the colleague's help or find out how to a good job through deal with many a bulk of documents In conclusion, I believe that if Vietnamese students are active and energetic, the lack of work experience will no longer be a problems problem Band: 5.5 Comment: - Bố cục rõ rang, paragraphing hợp lý - Các ý chia logic dễ theo dõi - Còn nhiều ý chưa rõ rang thừa - Còn dùng nhiều common words expression - Spelling nhiều từ sai - Có cố gắng dùng cấu trúc ngữ pháp khác cách dùng chưa xác hợp lý 20 Nguyễn Thị Huyền Task The given line graph gives information about the GDP together with the inflation rate of the economy of Vietnam in the seven-year period from 2001 to 2008 (Nên xuống dòng) From an overall perspective , there was a fluctuation in both two figures As can be seen from the graph, from 2001 to 2002, while there was a soft increase in the GDP, (about 0.5% ), inflation rate increased sharply from 0.4% to 4%, a rise of approximately 3% Over the period from 2003 and to 2004, inflation rate went up from 3.0% to about 9.5% The inflation rate reached its peaked peak at 19.89% in the year 2008, ater then there was a sudden increase from 6.6% in 2006 The GDP from 2001 to 2003 seen saw/witnessed a soft increase from 6.89% to 7.24% In 2004, the GDP fallen fell down to 7.7% but continued to go up to 8.4% in 2005 As can be seen, (lặp cách dùng) both figures was 8.4% in 2005 While from 2006 to 2008, the inflation rate rised rose, the GDP had a dip from 8.48% to only 6.23% Band: 4.0 Comment - Bố cục chưa hợp lý, nên đảm bảo có (introduction, overview body) Spelling nhiều từ sai Grammar: chia động từ khứ đơn sai Lặp cấu trúc mô tả Chưa biết paraphrase cách mô tả xu hướng Data lựa chọn chưa bật, ý so sánh cách logic Task Thiếu introduction First, it goes without saying is undeniable that students are now trying their best to improve their skills such as computer or team work skill This means that graduates are likely to be not passive anymore (câu khẳng định tuyệt đối không nên dùng, lặp với ý bên dưới) They are becoming more and more active and willing to learn new things thanks to advancement in many fields such as technology, transportation that as/since/for they help things can be done make things easier and more convenient simplify and facilitate works Therefore, the qualification of the graduates is much more better more superior than it used to be To be fair, however, there are still graduates who are not qualified enough to satisfy the demand of the employers They are students who just mainly pay their attention only to studying knowldege knowledge in the course book and learn to get high scores instead of applying knowledge to real life These students may find it hard to get the concern of the employers be concerned/considered a job by recuiter From my perspetive, perspective, it cannot be denied that Vietnamese graduates is making progress constantly to make themselves more accomplished (unclear) so that they will be hired by company they want Comparing to the past, it is a breakthrough (irrelevant) Nonetheless, they still have to make constant (lặp từ) effort to complete themselves as well as being believed and highly recommended by the employer (lặp ý) The bottom line (lỗi diễn đạt) is that we cannot underestimate the ablity ability of the graduates because they are changing by every minute Meanwhile, it is vital that graduates improve their own learning skill as well as soft skill and be to be sensitive to the market’s variation to be experienced enough By doing so, the graduates’ quality can be greatly enhanced and the employers are they become more accessible to find out suitable workers the employers Band: 4.0 Comment: - Chưa nắm bố cục cách triển khai ý Discussion Giving opinion - Các ý triển khai không rõ rang logic - Từ vựng ngữ pháp chưa academic - Chưa sử dụng cohesive devices, cohesion passage chưa tốt 21 Trần Thị Mỹ Ngọc Task The graph compares the GDP and inflation rate of Vietnamese economy from 2001 to 2008 Overall, the rate of GDP grew slowly whereas inflation was more dramatic change change more dramatically To begin with, in 2001 the rate of GDP was 6,89%, it was in comparison with 0,8% of inflation (lỗi diễn đạt) However, there was an unstable increase and decrease in the inflation over the next four years, the peak of this period reached (reaching the peak at 9,5%) in 2004 By contrast, GDP remained a slight increase under 7% The biggest rise was seen in inflation as a occasions it jumped sharply from 6,6% in 2006 to 18,8% in 2008 while GDP declined considerably from 8,48% in 2007 to 6,23% in 2008 P/s: Thưa cô, lần em viết lại Task sau lần cuối em học từ năm 2012, kiến thức em gần quên hết, nhớ số từ vựng dùng Task nên em vận dụng vào Còn Task kỹ từ vựng em quên hết :(( Em có dự định du học Úc thời gian tới cần band thấp 6.5, thời gian em có để luyện ôn thi 3-4 tháng, em rảnh ngày (trừ buổi học Trung tâm IF) Vậy với kỹ viết em em cần đâu nên có lịch trình học đủ tự tin để đăng ký thi ạ? Phần đọc nghe em tự tin (>5.0) phần nói giống phần viết Em mong nhận góp ý chân thành từ cô