233 Chapter 18: Practicing Parallel Structure 19. You may not know that the first example of this single-celled organism would have the name Amy. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 20. When you split them in half, the new organisms name themselves. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 21. The right half of Amy was still called Amy by herself, but the left half now called herself Bea. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 22. The next time Amy and Bea split, you have four new organisms. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 23. No one can imagine a conference between four single-celled organisms unless they wit- nessed it. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 24. Amy Right Half favored a name that people will notice. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 25. Amy Left Half thought about the choice for so long that her swimming was neglected. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 26. Bea Right Half, a proto-feminist, opted for “Amy-Bea,” because she wants to honor both her parents. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 27. Everyone always pronounced “Amy-Bea” very fast, and soon “Amoeba” was their pre- ferred spelling. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 26_599321 ch18.qxp 4/3/06 11:28 PM Page 233 28. Single-celled organisms should have simple names that can be remembered by biology students. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 29. Bea Left Half, by the way, will change her name to Amy-Bea when she reached the age of seventeen days. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 30. You know what a teenager is like; they always have to assert their identities. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ Matchmaking 101: Either/Or, Not Only/But Also, and Similar Pairs Like dating couples, some words that join ideas (conjunctions, in grammar-speak) arrive in pairs. Specifically, either/or, neither/nor, not only/but also, and both/and work as teams. Also like daters, these conjunction pairs tend to drift apart. Your job is to keep them together by ensuring that they link parallel elements. All you have to do is check that the elements being linked by these words have the same grammatical iden- tity (two nouns, two noun-verb combos, two adjectives, or two whatevers). Check out the following examples, in which the linked elements are underlined and the conjunc- tions are italicized: Nonparallel: Gertrude was not only anxious to achieve fame but also she wanted to make a lot of money. Parallel: Either by going to the moon or by swimming across the Pacific, Gertrude is determined to become famous. The linked elements in the parallel example are both prepositional phrases. (You don’t really need to know the grammatical term.) If you say the underlined sections aloud, your ear tells you that they match. In the nonparallel sentence, the first ele- ment is just a description, but the second contains a subject-verb combo that could stand alone as a complete sentence. Clearly these two aren’t going to make it through dinner and a movie. Nor can you correct the problem by deleting she from the non- parallel sentence, because then you’re pairing a description with a verb. Divorce court looms! A good way to check parallelism in this sort of sentence is to underline the elements, as I do in the preceding example sentences. Then you can focus on whether or not they match. 234 Part V: Writing with Style 26_599321 ch18.qxp 4/3/06 11:28 PM Page 234 235 Chapter 18: Practicing Parallel Structure Parallel or nonparallel? Take a look at the following sentences. If they’re parallel, write “correct” in the blanks. If they aren’t, correct them. Q. The bird both swooping over my head and the surprise in the garbage pail startled me. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ A. Both the bird that swooped over my head and the surprise that I found in the garbage pail startled me. In the original sentence, swooping over my head and surprise in the garbage pail don’t match. The first element has a verb (swooping), and the second doesn’t. The corrected version matches bird that swooped to surprise that I found. 31. When she traveled to the biker convention, Lola intended to show off both her new Harley and to display her new tattoo. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 32. Either Lulu would accompany Lola or stay home to work on a screenplay about bikers. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 33. Neither Lulu plans ahead nor Lola. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 34. Lola not only writes screenplays about bikers but about alien invasions also. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 35. Lulu both is jealous of Lola’s writing talent and the award for “best cycle” on Lola’s trophy wall. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 36. Lola scorns not only awards but also refuses to enter most contests. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 37. Neither the cycling award nor the trophy for largest tattoo has significance for Lola. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 26_599321 ch18.qxp 4/3/06 11:28 PM Page 235 38. Lulu, on the other hand, both wants the cycling award and the trophy. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 39. Not only did Lulu bribe the judges, but also ran a full-page ad bragging about herself. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 40. The judges were either unimpressed with Lulu’s efforts or liked Lola better. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ Calling All Overachievers: Extra Practice with Parallels Look for any parallelism problems in this letter to an elected official from an unfortu- nate citizen (see Figure 18-1). You should find ten mistakes in parallelism, various shifts, and conjunction pairs. When you find a mistake, correct it. Dear Mr. Mayor: I do not like complaining or to be a nuisance, but if a person is persecuted, they should be heard. As you know, the proposed new highway not only runs through my living room but into my swimming pool as well. When I spoke to the Department of Highways, the clerk was rude and that he took my complaint lightly. He said I should either be glad the road didn’t touch the breakfast nook or the kitchen. I demand that the issue be taken seriously by you. I have written to you three times already, and you will say that you are “working on the problem.” I am angry and in the mood to take legal action. Moving the highway or to cancel it entirely is the only solution. I expect you to cooperate and that you will fire the clerk. Sincerely, Joshua Hickman Figure 18-1: A disgrun- tled citizen writes a letter that is unpar- alleled. 236 Part V: Writing with Style 26_599321 ch18.qxp 4/3/06 11:28 PM Page 236 237 Chapter 18: Practicing Parallel Structure Answers to Parallelism Problems a The ski pants that Robert favors are green, skin tight, and stretchy. The original sentence links two adjectives (green and skin-tight) with a verb form (made of stretch fabric). Two adjec- tives + one verb form = penalty box. The corrected version relies on three adjectives (green, skin-tight, and stretchy) to describe Robert’s favorite pants. (In case you’re wondering why he finds it hard to get a date, think about his wardrobe.) b When he eases into those pants and zips up with great difficulty, Robert feels cool. The origi- nal sentence isn’t parallel because the and joins two verbs (eases and zipping) that don’t match. In the corrected version, and links eases and zips. In fact, these verb forms are so well suited to each other that they planned a date for Saturday night. Another possible correction: Easing into those pants and zipping up with great difficulty, Robert feels cool. Now easing parallels zipping. c In this ski outfit, Robert can breathe only with great difficulty and loudness. The original sentence matches up difficulty (a noun) and loudly (a description). These two are headed for the divorce court. The correction pairs two nouns (difficulty and loudness). d The sacrifice for the sake of fashion is worth the trouble and discomfort, Robert says. The clunker (the original sentence) joins a noun, trouble, and a whole clause (that’s the grammar term for a subject/verb combo), how he feels uncomfortable. Not parallel! The correction links two nouns, trouble and discomfort. e correct. The sentence yokes two -ing forms (sliding and coasting). Verdict: legal. f Robert has often been known to object to secondhand clothing and used equipment. You’re okay with two nouns (clothing and equipment). You’re not okay with a noun (clothing) and a clause (how some equipment is used), which is what you had in the original sentence. g “With a good parka or a warm face mask, I’m ready for anything,” he says. The or in the orig- inal sentence links with a good parka and wearing a warm face mask. The second term includes a verb form (wearing), and the first doesn’t, so you know that the parallelism is off. In the cor- rection, parka and face mask are linked. Because they’re both nouns, the parallelism works. h The face mask is useful on the slopes and does double duty in bank robberies. The original sentence isn’t parallel because is useful and doing don’t match. The corrected sentence pairs is and does, two verbs, so it’s fine. i The ski pants can also be recycled, if they are ripless and clean. Ripless is an adjective, but without stains is a phrase. Penalty box! The corrected version has two adjectives (ripless and clean). j However, bank robbery and simple street muggings are more difficult in ski pants. In the correction I match two nouns (robbery and muggings), but you could also go for two infinitives (to rob a bank and to mug someone). Just be sure the two subjects have the same grammatical identity. k Robbers need speed and privacy, but they also need pockets. The original sentence falls off the parallel tracks because speed is a noun and to be private is an infinitive. The correction joins two nouns, speed and privacy. l How to stash stolen money and where to put an unwanted ski mask are important issues. In the correction, the subjects are both clauses; that is, they’re both expressions containing subjects and verbs. (Think of a clause as a mini-sentence that can sometimes, but not always, stand alone.) Two clauses = legal pairing. The original sentence derails because the first subject (stashing stolen money) is a gerund, and the second is based on an infinitive (to put). 26_599321 ch18.qxp 4/3/06 11:28 PM Page 237 238 Part V: Writing with Style m Robert, who is actually quite honest and not inclined to rob anyone, nevertheless thinks about crime and fashion. The original sentence links a plain-vanilla-no-sprinkles description (honest) with an -ing verb form (not having the inclination to rob anyone). No sale. The answer matches two descriptions, honest and inclined. n He once wrote and edited a newsletter called Crimes of Fashion. The answer matches two past tense verbs, wrote and edited. The original matched a past (wrote) and a past perfect (had edited) without any valid reason for a different tense, so it wasn’t parallel. o To ski and to pursue a career in law enforcement are Robert’s dreams. Pair two infinitives (to ski and to pursue) and you’re fine. Or, pair skiing and pursuing for an alternate correct answer. p If you’ve studied biology, you know that a person must learn the names of hundreds, if not thousands, of organisms. The original sentence shifts from anyone (third person) to you (second person). The correction stays in second. Another possible fix pairs anyone with he or she knows — all third-person forms. q correct. Two questions. No shifts, no problem. r The Amoeba Family provides a good example of the process, so I will explain its name. The original sentence shifts unnecessarily from active (provides) to passive (will be explained). The corrected sentence stays in active voice. True, it contains a shift from third person (talking about the Amoeba Family) to first, but that shift is justified by meaning. s You may not know that the first example of this single-celled organism was named Amy. The original sentence shifts inappropriately from present tense (may not know) to conditional (would have). The tenses in the correction make more sense; the first part is present and the second past, because you may not know right now about something that happened previously. The shift is there, but it’s justified by meaning. The correction has another shift, also justified, from active (may not know) to passive (was named). Because the person giving the name is unknown, the passive must be used. t When they split in half, the new organisms name themselves. The question sentence is non- parallel because it moves from the second person you to the third person organisms. The cor- rection stays in third person (talking about someone), with they and organisms. u The right half of Amy still called herself Amy, but the left half now called herself Bea. In the original, the extra by in the first half of the sentence unbalances the sentence. The correction eliminated the problem by making both parts of the sentence active. v The next time Amy and Bea split, they formed four new organisms. Parallel statements should stay in one person, in this case third person, talking about Amy, Bea, and they. w No one can imagine a conference between four single-celled organisms unless he or she wit- nesses it. The issue here is singular/plural pronouns. The original sentence begins with the sin- gular no one and then shifts illegally to they, a plural. The correction begins with singular (no one again) and stays singular (he or she). x Amy Right Half favored a name that people would notice. The first verb in the original is past, but the second shifts illogically to the future. Penalty box. In the correction, the past tense favored is matched with a conditional (would notice), but that change is logical because Amy is attaching a condition to her choice of name. y Amy Left Half thought about the choice for so long that she neglected her swimming. Why change from active (thought) to passive (was neglected)? Two actives work better. 26_599321 ch18.qxp 4/3/06 11:28 PM Page 238 . Joshua Hickman Figure 18 -1: A disgrun- tled citizen writes a letter that is unpar- alleled. 236 Part V: Writing with Style 26_5993 21 ch18.qxp 4/3/06 11 :28 PM Page 236 237 Chapter 18 : Practicing Parallel. focus on whether or not they match. 234 Part V: Writing with Style 26_5993 21 ch18.qxp 4/3/06 11 :28 PM Page 234 235 Chapter 18 : Practicing Parallel Structure Parallel or nonparallel? Take a look at. Lola. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 26_5993 21 ch18.qxp 4/3/06 11 :28 PM Page 235 38. Lulu, on the other hand, both wants the cycling award and the trophy. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 39.