MASTER YOUR MIND DESIGN YOUR DESTINY78 great investment and that it could change their life.. 79 THE KEY TO ABSOLUTE POWERSo choose to create positive thoughts and empowering beliefs, an
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The Meaning of Your Communication is the
Response you Get!
Keep Changing your Communication until you
get the Desired Response!
We must understand that different people perceive the worlddifferently Everybody has different internal filters When youtell a joke, a group of people may laugh while another group doesnot think it is funny at all It is not that the second group doesnot have a sense of humour It is just that they perceive humourdifferently As a great communicator, we must take responsibilityfor it and change our communication (joke) until we get them
to laugh So, taking responsibility and having extreme flexibility
is the key to being a master of influence
Words, Tonality & Body Language
The other thing you must understand is that our communicationconsists of three major elements The words we use, our tone ofvoice and our body language
According to research, the total impact of our communicationconsists of words (7%), tone of voice (38%) and body language(55%) Body language is made up of our facial expression,gestures, posture, breathing pattern, eye movement and muscletension
Although what we say is extremely important, it is the leastimpactful when compared to how we say it (tone of voice andour body language)
Test this out (not for real, but in front of a mirror) You cantell a client how great and exciting your company is but if yourtone of voice is dull, your face expressionless and your body issagging with fatigue, they won’t buy what you are saying
I once had a teacher ask me in the most boring tone of voiceand with a deadpan face, ‘I wonder why I can never motivate my
body language 55%
words
=
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students no matter what I say?’ ‘I felt like telling him to listen tohis own voice and go look at his face in the mirror But I justcouldn’t be so direct as to be rude
The point is that when we communicate, we must payattention to not only our words, but more importantly to ourtone of voice and our body language Very often when our childrendon’t get motivated despite what we say, or when our clients don’tbuy what we sell, it could be because our non-verbalcommunication is sabotaging us
There are No Resistant Students,
Only Inflexible Teachers
In my training seminars, I get a good number of teachers andlecturers who come wanting to learn to become more powerfulcommunicators
I usually tell them to adopt this belief: ‘There are no resistantstudents, only inflexible teachers.’ Initially, a few will getoffended But they eventually realize that by following thisprinciple, it puts the responsibility back on them and gets results.Why? Because with responsibility comes the power to dowhatever it takes to build rapport with the students, until theylisten
Once there was a teacher who asked me what to do with allthe attention deficit children in her class I replied saying,
‘Attention deficit is an excuse given by boring teachers.’
I almost got thrown out of the room for that one! But thepoint I later made was that in the classes that I conduct in schools,every student, even those that had been labeled attention deficitwere extremely focused, attentive and participative The reason?Because I conducted my lessons with lots of fun and excitement!
I kept modifying my teaching style until I got the response Iwanted, attentive learning! When we label people ‘attentiondeficit’ or ‘stupid’, it gives us an easy way out
Remember how I used the Ultimate Success Formula to turnthe Patterns of Excellence program from its initial flop to filling
up every seat? Yes, it was all about taking responsibility for mycommunication When I first conducted the preview, I did myvery best to convince the audience that the program would be a
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great investment and that it could change their life
As you know, only one person signed up There and then Ihad a choice I could have chosen to blame all of them for beingstupid people who did not care about their future Instead Ichose to accept that my communication was not effective
It could have been my choice of words, the tone of my voice(like too slick?), or my body language was not right
By taking responsibility, I had the power to change mycommunication until I got the response I wanted: that it was forthem to realize how great the program was, and to sign up I thenrestructured my presentation to sell to them in a way that theywanted to be sold!
You Always Have a Choice!
Some people always ask, ‘But what If it is really not my fault?What if the situation is totally out of my hands?’ Well, I believethat we always play a role in creating whatever is happening to
us, whether consciously or subconsciously
We create our experiences either through our thoughts orour actions You can say something emphatically, but if you arethinking something else, people can pick up the vibes that show
up in your body language
People who are in control of their lives believe that theycreate their world If everything is going great, then they created
it, not anybody else If things are not going well, then theycreated it as well
Some people tell me that they never get a good break Theynever get lucky enough to land a great opportunity They arenever at the right place at the right time Again, I believe thatyou create your own luck Or I prefer the word opportunity orbreak
If you never find any good opportunities, it could be because
of your limiting beliefs and thoughts If you keep believing thatthere are no opportunities around, your mind will tend to deleteall the great opportunities, even if they are there right before you You see what you want to see At the same time, if you keepthinking negative thoughts, you will, like a magnet, keepattracting everything that is negative to you!
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So choose to create positive thoughts and empowering
beliefs, and the world around you will change!
Once at a seminar, a woman who had an ongoing abusive relationship
with her husband asked, ‘Are you saying that I asked to be beaten up?’
I replied, ‘No I am not saying that I am saying that you have a choice to
stay or to go To put up with the abuse or to stand up for yourself You
have to take responsibility for the fact that you are choosing to stay on
and allow the abuse to continue.’
So stop blaming and playing the role of victim You can choose to stand up for yourself, choose to leave or choose to stay You can choose to feel bad about yourself or choose to learn a lesson from this and feel empowered
The moment she believed that she had all these choices, she started to
feel a sense of confidence and power she had never felt before
In the end, she chose to give him an ultimatum, and then she left him
Five years on, she is happy in a new marriage, with three wonderful
children And she is also the owner of a successful business ‘If not for
that experience, I never would have discovered the courage and power
within myself to achieve all that I have now’, she says.
Margaret, a professional make up artist in her thirties had a history of bad relationships Every time she met a new guy, things would be great for the first few months or so Then, they would start to borrow money from her,
play around and finally break her heart
For some reason, Margaret attracted these types of men, over and over
again She really envied her friends who had decent boyfriends, and
enjoyed stable relationships She, like most people, attributed it to her
bad luck of falling for the wrong guy
When she was asked how she could have chosen to create and repeat this problem, she realized that she has been subconsciously attracting these
types of men Through a number of therapy sessions, she found out that
she was unconsciously modeling herself after her long-suffering mum and attracting men just like her dad, who was just like the men in her life
She also discovered that the way she dressed and acted and the places
she hung around in, attracted the ‘irresponsible guy’ The moment she
took responsibility for creating the problem, she had the power to choose
to decide and behave differently Within a few months, she found a
wonderful guy who eventually settled down with her.
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For Things to Change, I Must Change First
If there is one single most important message I want to give you
in this chapter, it is this: ‘For things to change, we must firstchange ourselves.’ When we take responsibility for what we getand change ourselves, everything and everybody else willchange with us!
One time the managing director and owner of a chain ofboutiques attended my training program He complained that allhis staff were unmotivated, uncommitted and incompetent Healso complained that he kept getting clients who were prone tobargaining and had little purchasing power ‘For some reason,the staff that we get are always lazy and useless, we never get thehardworking, ambitious type’
I sat down with the man and asked him to list down theattributes of his ideal staff He took about five minutes and came
up with an incredible list of the perfect staff
The person had to be highly motivated, responsible, havegood work experience, strong track record, passionate… the listwent on I took a look at the list and a look at the MD andasked, ‘Would this ideal employee want to work for you?’ Initially he was taken aback by my comment, but prettysoon, he was getting my point I went on to say, ‘If you want toattract the best employees, you have to be the best company (inyour field).’ ‘If you want to attract the perfect staff, you have to
be the perfect boss.’ For things to change, he had to change first
He caught on Over the next six months, he asked himself,
‘How do I make this company the best place to work for, suchthat the best and brightest will want to join me?’
He started to put in a rigorous recruitment selection scheme,
an exciting profit sharing plan, new classy uniforms, a branding campaign for the company and created an honest andopen communication culture And he also started giving moreautonomy to staff in decision making
re-Sure enough, many of the old, unmotivated staff startedleaving because they could not take the pressure of the newweekly feedback sessions and the performance-based pay scheme.But then young, energetic and motivated people started coming
in and the whole business turned around At the same time the
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new image created by the company’s re-branding campaign, itsnew culture and bright new and knowledgeable staff startedattracting higher spending customers who didn’t haggle
Does this only apply to business? Of course not! This applies
to virtually anything in your life
I once met a woman who could not find the right partner and she had been looking for the last 20 years She was in her late 30s and getting concerned she would never find her ideal guy When I asked her what she was looking for, she started describing this perfect man who had to be rich, handsome, humorous, sensitive and charming Again I asked her very bluntly, ‘Would this man with all these traits want to marry you?’ ‘Would this ideal guy be attracted to someone like you?’ If you want to attract the perfect man, you must first be that perfect woman to attract him!
There was a mother who complained to me that her son wasnot motivated at all to learn Mandarin He kept giving theexcuse that Mandarin was really difficult and that he did notneed to learn it She kept trying to convince him that if he puthis mind to it, he could do it She also kept trying to make himsee that Mandarin was an important language to learn
‘I’ve tried everything He just won’t listen and change hismindset about learning Mandarin.’
I asked the mum, ‘Do you speak Mandarin at home?’ ‘No, myhusband and I can’t speak the language as we were both fromEnglish speaking backgrounds,’ was her slightly surprised reply
I then asked, ‘Have you thought of learning the languageyourself and speaking at home so your child will have moreexposure?’ ‘Oh, it’s just too difficult to learn Anyway, we don’thave to use it’, was her reply
She had given the reason why her son was so resistant tolearning Mandarin I explained to her that although she wasverbally telling her son that Mandarin was easy and important,her actions communicated the total opposite, and she wasresponsible for him not being motivated at all
Fortunately, I convinced her When she decided to put inthe effort to learn together with her son and use the language athome, her son started to get motivated as well
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So…
If you want to attract the best staff, be the best boss
If you want to have the best kids, be the best parent
If you want the perfect wife, then be that perfect husband
If you want the highest income, add the greatest value
If you want to attract the best customers, become the best company
Use ‘I Choose’ Often
The words we use daily are a reflection of how weframe experiences in our mind When you start touse the word ‘I choose’ often, you start to perceiveyour experiences with more control than you everthought possible
Instead of saying… Say…
I am depressed I choose to feel depressed
They don’t understand me I choose to communicate in
way that makes them not understand me
Company sales are down I choose to allow company
sales to be down
The staff are not motivated I choose to allow the staff
to be unmotivated
I keep getting lousy results I choose to get lousy results
They take advantage of me I choose to allow them
to take advantage
I have poor health I choose to have poor health
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Although it may seem difficult at times to say that you choose
to create something, especially when it is negative, youimmediately put yourself in the position of being the cause And
therefore the agent of change.
Yes, by exercising the choice of creating something, youhave the power to choose to change it When you say ‘I amdepressed’, it implies that you are depressed by something andthere is nothing you can do about it When you say ‘I choose tofeel depressed’, you acknowledge that you are creating your state
of depression You are allowing something or someone to causeyou to create that state See the difference?
Now, just by changing your physiology and your internalrepresentation, you can change how you feel in a moment!That’s awesome power within your grasp
I realize that by saying ‘I choose to allow the staff to beunmotivated’ or ‘I choose to allow the company sales to bedown’, it may sound as though you do not care and are happy it
is happening Remember that this not at all the intention Soyou may not want to communicate ‘I choose’ statements toothers It may make you seem like a real a**h*** ‘I choose’statements are purely how you would communicate to yourselfinternally
We explore the power of our beliefs in the next chapter
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1 Taking absolute responsibility gives us
the power to change our circumstances.
2 When we give excuses, blame others or
complain, we take the power out of our own hands We play the role of victim.
3 Many people play the victim game because
of the perceived payoffs In the long term,
it costs us a lot more.
4 We must take responsibility for our results, how we feel and the way we communicate.
5 The meaning of your communication is the response you get, regardless of your intention Keep changing your communication until you get the desired response.
6 We communicate through our words (7%), tone of voice (38%) and our body
language (55%).
7 For things to change, we must change first
8 Use the word ‘I choose’ in your everyday communication.
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Beliefs can make ordinary people do awesome, extraordinary things but holding on to limiting Beliefs
can also cripple the most talented
Why is it that some people are able to achieve so much
more out of their lives than others? Why are some
people able to produce such outstanding, even
extraordinary results… far exceeding what is commonly
expected?
Is it because they have a lot more talent, acumen,
capability? Do they have superior resources that other people
lack? You and I both know by now that this is not true at all
Did the Wright brothers, inventors of the airplane, have
more aerodynamic and engineering expertise than all the
engineers and inventors of their time? No They were simple
bicycle repairmen
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Did Mahatma Gandhi come from a powerful family that
enabled him to establish a power base to liberate India from theBritish? No He was just an ordinary man, a lawyer And usingthe law taught to him by his colonial masters certainly wouldn’thave freed India Instead, gentle Gandhi used the power ofpeaceful assemblies, bringing tens of thousands to sit in peacefulcivil disobedience…until the British caved in
Was Ho Chi Min a mighty general who trained the Viet
Cong to first drive out the French and then the Americans? No,
he was an intellectual and a journalist who didn’t even have theheart to kill the pests who shared the many jails he was throwninto as he fought for independence for his beloved Vietnam Homade friends with the insects!
Neither Gandhi or Ho Chi Min had any measurableresources to do what they did… and history is peppered withmany such outstanding individuals
What set these men apart were the incredible beliefs theyhad about the moral rightness of their cause That gave themextraordinary strength to fight on, against all odds, and win.David against mighty Goliath
Beliefs are what empower seemingly ordinary people toachieve extraordinary things At the same time, limiting beliefsare what keep most people, despite all their resources, fromachieving what they really can
Our beliefs are like the operating system to our brain Theydetermine what we expect from ourselves and how much we getout of ourselves First of all, your beliefs define your expectations
If you believe that you can become a millionaire, a CEO or
a President, then that is what you will expect from yourself Ifyou believe that you will never have the capability to earn morethan $40,000 a year, then that is what you will expect fromyourself
If you believe that you can lead others, then you will expect
to attain nothing less than a management position If youbelieve that you are nothing more than a follower, then you willnot expect anything more than being just a front line employee
At the same time, your beliefs will drive the actions youtake, and how much of your personal potential you will tap.When you believe that something is possible, you will go all out
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to make it happen You will take massive action and have thecommitment to keep doing whatever it takes to achieve it As aresult, you will tap a lot of your personal potential
What kind of results do you think you will produce? Greatresults! When you get great results, it will reinforce yourempowering beliefs even more! For example, if you have anempowering belief that you can build a highly successfulbusiness that will positively impact millions of lives, this beliefwill drive you to take massive action
You will start innovating new product lines, probably invest
in R & D to create entirely new products or processes You willdevelop a business plan, attract investors and launch yourmarketing campaign Sure you will have lots of obstacles alongthe way, but your beliefs will drive you to turn any failure intofeedback and to change your strategy until you get the result youwant Even if you don’t achieve the exact targets you set foryourself, you are going to produce some great result
However, if you believe that something is impossible, that itcannot be done, will you take action? Not likely Even if you did,you would probably stop the moment you hit a problem As aresult, you may have all the potential in the world, but you willnot tap into it And sure enough, you will not get the results.When this happens, it will further reinforce the belief that it justcan’t be done
BELIEFS
Expectation
Action/Effort Potential
Results
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Beliefs: The Tap to Our Personal Potential
So you see, when we believe that something is possible, we willinevitably summon all the resources we have to support thatbelief We will open the tap to our creativity, energy andresources Does this mean we will be able to produce the exactresult that we envisioned? Not all the time But having a belief
of possibility will allow us to produce results far beyond what wewould have done if we had no belief to begin with
At the same time, if you believe that something is beyondyour reach, you shut out the possibility of ever achieving it Youshut the tap to your own personal potential
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Now, whether this or any other personal development bookyou have read will change your life, depends on the beliefs youfinally choose to have, and act upon
If, after reading this book, you choose to believe that you canachieve any goal by applying all the strategies, I bet you aregoing to set some pretty high goals for yourself At the sametime, you will take massive action by applying all the ideas youhave gained You will use the ultimate success formula, starttaking responsibility and do whatever it takes! As a result, youare going to tap a whole lot more of your potential
And, even if all your goals are not met immediately, you areinevitably going to experience a major increase in your quality
of life If you believe it will work for you, then it will! Believe me!
At the same time, if you choose to be a skeptic and say, ‘Allthis seems pretty interesting, but I don’t think it will work forme’, then chances are you will not have any expectations at all.You will settle back into taking the same old actions As a result,you are going to tap no more of your potential that you havebefore Will you experience any results? Of course not! Again,your belief that this stuff doesn’t work becomes a self-fulfillingprophecy
The fundamental reason I have been able to create so muchmore results in my life as compared to so many of my peers, some
of whom are probably a lot smarter and more hardworking than
I, is simply because of the powerful beliefs I started to buildabout myself when I was in my impressionable teenage years
At that time I was exposed to many empowering role modelsand it is from these super charged people that I learned that age
is no barrier to creating wealth and success
I read about Anthony Robbins who became a motivationaltrainer and millionaire by the age of 25 I read about RichardBranson, the boss of Virgin, who started his first business at theage of 15 and became a millionaire at the age of 23 I read aboutSteve Jobs who started Apple Computers at 18
At the same time, my journalist mum started gettinginterested in the fledging ‘Human Potential Movement’ As aresult, she brought me to seminars by motivational speakers likeDennis Waitley I was probably the only schoolboy in thatseminar!
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My grandfather also bought me books by Dale Carnegie whohad inspired millions to become effective public speakers andcommunicators in generations past As a result of all thisexposure, I developed an unshakeable belief that I could start abusiness, become a best-selling author and trainer before age 24! Most of my peers were not fortunate enough to be exposed
to such empowering role models So they had the usual limitingbeliefs such as; starting a business is difficult and risky, you need
to be at least 40 years old with lots of money and relevant workexperience and contacts to even consider starting a company
As for writing a book, when I started writing the manuscript
to my first book I was 16 and my friends laughed saying, ‘Whowill ever read a book written by someone so young?’ In theirminds – and this goes for most other adults too – only verysmart, very experienced and highly qualified people write books Many of my peers continued to hold on to these limitingbeliefs as they embarked on their careers and in so doing, theyheld themselves back from what they potentially could achieve.Consequently they made average decisions that led to averageresults
The Pygmalion Effect
Not only do our beliefs affect our performance and results, butthey also affect the people we interact with as well As a teacher,parent or boss, the beliefs you have about your students,children and employees will affect how you treat them, howthey respond, and ultimately how they perform
Have you ever heard of the Pygmalion effect? Thispsychological phenomenon was first presented by RobertMerton, a professor of Sociology at Columbia University in
1957 It is about how our expectations of other people can create
a self-fulfilling prophecy
The study involved a teacher who was instructed to teach anew class of gifted students for the next school year What shedid not know was that these students had been tested and found
to be of low IQ Moreover, they had behavioral problems.Sure enough, when she started teaching, the students startedmisbehaving and did not learn or respond But because she