This controversial ebook phenomenon became a bestseller and landed its author, a certified marriage and family therapist, on The OReilly Factor and the Rush Limbaugh radio show. Dr. Robert Glover has devoted his career as a psychotherapist to freeing men from what he was dubbed the Nice Guy Syndrometrying too hard to please others while neglecting their own needs, thus causing unhappiness and resentfulness. Its no wonder that unfulfilled Nice Guys lash out in frusteration at their loved ones, claims Dr. Glover. He explains how they can stop seeking approval and start getting what they want in life, by presenting the information and tools to help them ensure their needs are met, to express their emotions, to have a satisfying sex life, to embrace their masculinity and form meaningful relationships with other men, and to live up to their creative potential.
[...]... Alan worked hard to never be angry or demeaning like his father He was an active leader in his youth group at church and never drank alcohol or did drugs as a teenager Alan's mother, a fundamentalist Christian, raised Alan in a sect that preached hell-fire and brimstone He came to believe that he was a "sinner" for having normal thoughts, impulses, and behaviors Though he always worked hard to be a. .. other Nice Guy described in this book The progression from perfect little boy to Nice Guy basically occurs in three stages: Abandonment, internalization of toxic shame, and the creation of survival mechanisms Abandonment Like all Nice Guys, Alan, Jason, and Jose were abandoned in various ways: Alan and Jose had an angry or critical parent who communicated that they were not OK just as they were Alan worshipped... worship fail to live up to the Nice Guys' expectations This is why it is not unusual to hear a Nice Guy proclaim his undying love to a woman in one breath and then ragefully call her a "f c " only moments later I have found that many gay Nice Guys are just as susceptible as straight men to seeking women's approval As long as the gay Nice Guy can convince himself that he is not sexually attracted... Making the transformation from a Nice Guy to an integrated male doesn't come about by just trying harder to be a good man Breaking free from the Nice Guy Syndrome demands embracing a totally different way of viewing oneself and the world, a complete change in one's personal paradigm Let me explain Paradigms A paradigm is the road map we use to navigate life's journey Everyone uses these road maps and... wave a magic wand, keep all of his good traits, and make all the others disappear." The Integrated Male After enrolling in a No More Mr Nice Guy! therapy group, Gil, a pleasant man in his early fifties revealed that his wife was supportive of his joining a group Nevertheless, he harbored a secret fear that she would be angry at what the name of the group seemed to imply — "How to stop being a Nice Guy. .. that these things set him apart from his siblings and made his mother proud Alan was the first person in his family to get a college degree, another factor he believed made him special Alan's father, an abusive alcoholic, abandoned the family when Alan was seven At an early age, Alan made a decision to be 180 degrees different from his father As a result, he prided himself on being patient, giving, and... looked like a good husband, a good father, a good Christian, and a good professional In spite of all his efforts, he always felt inadequate and defective compared to his parents Jose A successful business consultant, Jose was afraid of intimate relationships Jose was highly educated and had a stressful, high-powered career He was physically active and his idea of recreation was taking a hundred-mile... the Nice Guy Syndrome, we have to take into account a series of significant social changes that began around the turn of the century and accelerated following World War II These social dynamics included: The transition from an agrarian to an industrial economy The movement of families from rural areas to urban areas The absence of fathers from the home The increase in divorce, single parent homes, and... external validation by always being in a good mood, driving a nice car, dressing well, having a cute daughter, and having an attractive wife Let's pick one of these attachments to illustrate how Cal tries to get approval from others Cal likes to dress his fourteen-month-old daughter in a cute dress and take her to the park From the moment he begins to dress her he is unconsciously attaching his value and... good Christian, he lived with a constant fear that he might make a mistake and suffer everlasting punishment Alan believed his mother was a saint She would do anything for her children She would listen and wasn't critical Frequently, she and Alan would commiserate with each other about all the "bad" things his dad did On more than one occasion, Alan's mother told him that she was trying to raise her sons . her vagina. Nice Guys are manipulative. Nice Guys tend to have a hard time making their needs a priority and have difficulty asking for what they want in clear and direct ways. This creates a sense. generosity is a sign of how good they are and will make other people love and appreciate them. Nice Guys fix and caretake. If a person has a problem, has a need, is angry, depressed or sad, Nice Guys. a totally different way of viewing oneself and the world, a complete change in one's personal paradigm. Let me explain. Paradigms A paradigm is the road map we use to navigate life's