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Listening 20 TED Talks 5 hours of Gap filling for better listening Book 2 Talks 11 20 By Tu Pham (IELTS Speaking 9 0) and IPP Prep Team Follow & Subscribe for more learning materials and st[.]
Listening: 20 TED Talks hours of Gap-filling for better listening Book 2: Talks 11-20 By T u Pham (IELTS Speaking 0) and I PP Prep Team Follow & Subscribe for more learning materials and s trategies Fb: w ww.facebook.com/phamquangtu Youtube: www.youtube.com/c/thaytupham Follow & Subscribe for more learning materials and strategies Fb: w ww.facebook.com/phamquangtu | Youtube: www.youtube.com/c/thaytupham Contents LINKS TO TALKS 2 EXERCISES 3 11 The worldwide web of belief and ritual 3 12 Why we all need to practice emotional first aid 13 13 How great leaders inspire action 22 14 Inside the mind of a master procrastinator 32 15 Why our screens make us less happy 41 16 In praise of conflict 47 17 The happy secret to better work 53 18 How to make stress your friend 60 19 Your body language may shape who you are 65 20 How to speak so that people want to listen 76 KEY 85 11 The worldwide web of belief and ritual 85 12 Why we all need to practice emotional first aid 95 13 How great leaders inspire action 104 14 Inside the mind of a master procrastinator 113 15 Why our screens make us less happy 122 16 In praise of conflict 128 17 The happy secret to better work 134 18 How to make stress your friend 141 19 Your body language may shape who you are 147 20 How to speak so that people want to listen 158 1 Follow & Subscribe for more learning materials and strategies Fb: w ww.facebook.com/phamquangtu | Youtube: www.youtube.com/c/thaytupham LINKS TO TALKS 11 The worldwide web of belief and https://www.ted.com/talks/wade_davis_the_wor ritual ldwide_web_of_belief_and_ritual?language=en 12 Why we all need to practice emotional first aid https://www.ted.com/talks/guy_winch_why_we_ all_need_to_practice_emotional_first_aid?langu age=en https://www.ted.com/talks/simon_sinek_how_gr 13 How great leaders inspire action eat_leaders_inspire_action?language=en 14 Inside the mind of a master procrastinator https://www.ted.com/talks/tim_urban_inside_th e_mind_of_a_master_procrastinator 15 Why our screens make us less happy https://www.ted.com/talks/adam_alter_why_our _screens_make_us_less_happy?language=en 16 In praise of conflict https://www.ted.com/talks/jonathan_marks_in_ praise_of_conflict?language=en https://www.ted.com/talks/shawn_achor_the_h appy_secret_to_better_work/transcript?languag 17 The happy secret to better work e=en 18 How to make stress your friend https://www.ted.com/talks/kelly_mcgonigal_ho w_to_make_stress_your_friend?language=en 19 Your body language may shape who you are https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_bo dy_language_may_shape_who_you_are?langua ge=en 20 How to speak so that people want to listen https://www.ted.com/talks/julian_treasure_how _to_speak_so_that_people_want_to_listen?lang uage=en 2 Follow & Subscribe for more learning materials and strategies Fb: w ww.facebook.com/phamquangtu | Youtube: www.youtube.com/c/thaytupham EXERCISES 11 The worldwide web of belief and ritual 00:03 You know, culture was born of the 1 _, and the imagination the imagination as we know it came into being when our _, descended from our progenitor, Homo erectus, and, infused with _, began a journey that would carry it to every corner of the habitable world. For a time, we shared the stage with our distant _,Neanderthal, who clearly had some spark of _, but whether it was the increase in the size of the brain, or the development of language, or some other evolutionary catalyst we quickly left Neanderthal gasping for _. By the time the last Neanderthal _, in Europe, 27,000 years ago, our direct ancestors had already, and for 5,000 years, been crawling into the belly of the 8 _, where in the light of the flickers of tallow _, they had brought into being the great art of the Upper Paleolithic. 00:56 And I spent two 10 _ in the caves of southwest France with the 11 _ Clayton Eshleman, who wrote a beautiful book 12 _ "Juniper Fuse." And you could look at this art and you could, of course, see the complex social organization of the people who 13 _ it into being. But more importantly, it spoke of a deeper 14 _, something far more sophisticated than hunting 15 _. And the way Clayton put it was this way. He said, "You know, clearly at some point, we were all of an animal 16 _, and at some point, we weren't." And he viewed proto-shamanism as a kind of original attempt, through 17 _, to rekindle a 18 _ that had been irrevocably lost. So, he saw this art not as 19 _ magic, but as postcards of nostalgia. And viewed in that light, it 20 _ on a whole other resonance. 3 Follow & Subscribe for more learning materials and strategies Fb: w ww.facebook.com/phamquangtu | Youtube: www.youtube.com/c/thaytupham 01:40 And the most amazing thing about the Upper Paleolithic art is that as an aesthetic 21 _, it 22 _ for almost 20,000 years. If these were postcards of nostalgia, ours was a very long 23 _ indeed. And it was also the beginning of our 24 _, because if you wanted to distill all of our 25 _ since the Paleolithic, it would come down to two 26 _: how and why. And these are the slivers of insight upon which 27 _ have been forged. Now, all people share the same raw, 28 _imperatives. We all have children. We all have to deal with the 29 _ of death, the world that waits beyond death, the elders who fall away into their 30 _ years. All of this is part of our 31 _ experience, and this shouldn't 32 _ us, because, after all, biologists have finally proven it to be true, something that philosophers have always 33 _ to be true. And that is the fact that we are all brothers and sisters. We are all cut from the same 34 _ cloth. All of humanity, probably, is 35 _ from a thousand people who left Africa roughly 70,000 years ago. 02:39 But the corollary of that is that, if we all are brothers and sisters and 36 _ the same genetic material, all human 37 _ share the same raw human genius, the same intellectual acuity. And so whether that genius is placed into 38 _ wizardry has been the great 39 _ of the West or by contrast, into unraveling the complex threads of 40 _inherent in a myth, is simply a 41 _ of choice and cultural orientation. There is no 42 _ of affairs in human experience. There is no trajectory of progress. There's no 43 _ that conveniently places 44 _ England at the apex and descends down the flanks to the so-called primitives of the world. All peoples are simply 45 _ options, different visions of life itself. But what do I mean by different 46 _ of life making for completely different 47 for existence? 03:27 Well, let's slip for a moment into the 48 _ culture sphere ever brought into 4 Follow & Subscribe for more learning materials and strategies Fb: w ww.facebook.com/phamquangtu | Youtube: www.youtube.com/c/thaytupham being by the imagination, that of Polynesia. 10,000 square kilometers, tens of 49 _ of islands flung like jewels upon the 50 _ sea. I recently sailed on the Hokulea, named after the sacred star of Hawaii, 51 _ the South Pacific to make a film about the navigators. These are men and women who, even today, can name 250 stars in the night sky. These are men and 52 _ who can sense the 53 _ of distant atolls of islands beyond the visible 54 _, simply by watching the reverberation of waves across the hull of their vessel, knowing full well that every 55 _ group in the Pacific has its 56 _ refractive pattern that can be read with the same perspicacity with which a forensic scientist would read a 57 _. These are sailors who in the darkness, in the hull of the vessel, can 58 _ as many as 32 different sea swells moving through the canoe at any one point in time, distinguishing local wave disturbances from the great 59 _ that pulsate 60 _ the ocean, that can be 61 _ with the same ease that a terrestrial explorer would follow a river to the sea. Indeed, if you took all of the genius that allowed us to put a man on the moon and 62 _ it to an understanding of the ocean, what you would get is Polynesia. 04:38 And if we slip from the realm of the sea into the 63 _ of the spirit of the imagination, you enter the realm of Tibetan Buddhism. And I recently made a film called "The Buddhist 64 _ of the Mind." Why did we use that word, science? What is science but the empirical 65 _ of the truth? What is Buddhism but 2,500 years of 66 _ observation as to the nature of mind? I travelled for a month in Nepal with our good friend, Matthieu Ricard, and you'll remember Matthieu 67 _ said to all of us here once at TED, "Western science is a major 68 _ to minor needs." We spend all of our 69 _ trying to live to be 100 without losing our teeth. The Buddhist spends all their lifetime trying to understand the nature of 70 _. 05:16 Our billboards 71 _ naked children in underwear. Their billboards are 5 Follow & Subscribe for more learning materials and strategies Fb: w ww.facebook.com/phamquangtu | Youtube: www.youtube.com/c/thaytupham manuals, prayers to the well-being of all sentient 72 _. And with the blessing of Trulshik Rinpoche, we began a pilgrimage to a curious destination, accompanied by a great doctor. And the 73 _ was a 74 _ room in a nunnery, where a woman had gone into 75 _ retreat 55 years before. And en route, we took darshan from Rinpoche, and he sat with us and told us about the Four Noble Truths, the 76 _ of the Buddhist path. All life is suffering. That doesn't mean all life is 77 _. It means things happen. The cause of 78 _ is ignorance. By that, the Buddha did not mean stupidity; he meant clinging to the illusion that life is 79 _ and predictable. The third noble truth said that 80 _ can be overcome. And the fourth and most important, of course, was the delineation of a contemplative 81 _ that not only had the possibility of a transformation of the human heart, but had 2,500 years of empirical evidence that such a 82 _ was a certainty. 06:14 And so, when this door opened 83 _ the face of a woman who had not been out of that room in 55 years, you did not see a mad woman. You saw a woman who was more clear than a 84 _ of water in a 85 _ stream. And of course, this is what the Tibetan monks told us. They said, at one point, you know, we don't really believe you went to the 86 _, but you did. You may not believe that we achieve 87 _ in one lifetime, but we do. And if we move from the realm of the 88 _ to the realm of the physical, to the sacred 89 _ of Peru I've always been interested in the 90 _ of indigenous people that literally believe that the Earth is alive, responsive to all of their aspirations, all of their needs. And, of course, the human population has its own reciprocal 91 _. 06:59 I spent 30 years living 92 _ the people of Chinchero and I always heard about an event that I always 93 _ to participate in. Once each year, the 94 _ young boy in each hamlet is given the honor of becoming a woman. And for one day, he wears the 95 _ of his sister and he becomes a transvestite, a waylaka. 6 Follow & Subscribe for more learning materials and strategies Fb: w ww.facebook.com/phamquangtu | Youtube: www.youtube.com/c/thaytupham And for that day, he 96 _ all able-bodied men on a run, but it's not your 97 _ run. You start off at 11,500 feet. You run down to the base of the 98 _ mountain, Antakillqa. You run up to 15,000 feet, descend 3,000 feet. Climb again over the 99 _ of 24 hours. And of course, the waylakama spin, the trajectory of the 100 _, is marked by holy mounds of Earth, where coke is given to the Earth, libations of 101 _ to the wind, the vortex of the feminine is brought to the 102 _. And the 103 _ is clear: you go into the mountain as an individual, but through 104 _, through sacrifice, you emerge as a community that has once again reaffirmed its 105 _ of place in the planet. And at 48, I was the only outsider ever to go through this, only one to finish it. I only 106 _ to do it by chewing more coca leaves in one day than anyone in the 4,000-year history of the 107 _. 08:10 But these 108 _ rituals become pan-Andean, and these fantastic festivals, like that of the Qoyllur Rit'i, which 109 _ when the Pleiades reappear in the winter sky. It's kind of like an Andean Woodstock: 60,000 Indians on pilgrimage to the end of a dirt road that leads to the sacred 111 _, called the Sinakara, which is 110 _ by three tongues of the great glacier. The metaphor is so clear. You bring the crosses from your 112 _, in this wonderful fusion of Christian and pre-Columbian 113 _. You place the cross into the ice, in the 114 _of Ausangate, the most sacred of all Apus, or sacred 115 _ of the Inca. And then you the ritual dances that empower the crosses. 08:48 Now, these ideas and these 116 _ allow us even to deconstruct 117 _ places that many of you have been to, like Machu Picchu. Machu Picchu was never a 118 _ city. On the contrary, it was 119 _ linked in to the 14,000 kilometers of royal roads the Inca made in less than a 120 _. But more importantly, it was linked in to the Andean 121 _ of sacred geography. The intiwatana, the hitching 122 _ to the sun, is actually an obelisk that constantly 7 Follow & Subscribe for more learning materials and strategies Fb: w ww.facebook.com/phamquangtu | Youtube: www.youtube.com/c/thaytupham reflects the light that 123 _ on the sacred Apu of Machu Picchu, which is Sugarloaf Mountain, 124 _ Huayna Picchu. If you come to the south of the intiwatana, you find an 125 _. Climb Huayna Picchu, find another altar. Take a direct north-south 126 _, you find to your astonishment that it bisects the intiwatana stone, 127 _ to the 128 _, hits the heart of Salcantay, the second of the most important mountains of the Incan empire. And then beyond Salcantay, of course, when the southern cross 129 _ the 130 _ point in the sky, directly in that same alignment, the Milky Way overhead. But what is enveloping Machu Picchu from below? The sacred river, the Urubamba, or the Vilcanota, which is itself the Earthly 131 _ of the Milky Way, but it's also the trajectory that Viracocha walked at the dawn of time when he brought the 132 _ into being. And where does the river rise? Right on the slopes of the Koariti. 10:08 So, 500 years after Columbus, these 133 _ rhythms of landscape are played out in ritual. Now, when I was here at the first TED, I showed this 134 _: two men of the Elder Brothers, the descendants, 135 _ of El Dorado. These, of course, are the 136 _ of the ancient Tairona civilization. If those of you who are here remember that I 137 _ that they remain ruled by a ritual priesthood, but the training for the priesthood is 138 _. Taken from their families, sequestered in a shadowy world of 139 _ for 18 years two nine-year periods deliberately chosen to 140 _ the nine months they spend in the natural mother's womb. All that time, the world only exists as an 141 _, as they are taught the values of their society. Values that maintain the proposition that their prayers, and their prayers alone, 142 _ the cosmic balance. Now, the 143 _ of a society is not only what it does, but the quality of its aspirations. 11:02 And I always wanted to go back into these mountains, to see if this could 144 _ be true, as indeed had been 145 _ by the great anthropologist, 8 Follow & Subscribe for more learning materials and strategies Fb: w ww.facebook.com/phamquangtu | Youtube: www.youtube.com/c/thaytupham Reichel-Dolmatoff. So, literally two weeks ago, I 146 _ from having spent six weeks with the Elder Brothers on what was clearly the most extraordinary trip of my life. These really are a people who live and 147 _ the realm of the sacred, a baroque religiosity that is simply 148 _. They consume more coca leaves than any human population, half a pound per man, per day. The gourd you see here is everything in their 149 _ is 150 _. Their central metaphor is a loom. They say, "Upon this loom, I weave my life." They refer to the movements as they exploit the 151 _ niches of the gradient as "threads." When they pray for the dead, they make these 152 _ with their hands, spinning their thoughts into the 153 _. 11:54 You can see the calcium 154 on the head of the poporo gourd. The gourd is 155 _ aspect; the stick is a male. You put the stick in the 156 _ to take the sacred ashes well, they're not ashes, they're 157 _ limestone to empower the coca leaf, to change the pH of the mouth to facilitate the absorption of cocaine hydrochloride. But if you break a gourd, you cannot simply throw it away, because every 158 _ of that stick that has built up that calcium, the 159 _ of a man's life, has a thought behind it. Fields are 160 _ in such an extraordinary way, that the one side of the 161 _ is planted like that by the women. The other side is planted like that by the men. Metaphorically, you turn it on the side, and you have a 162 _ of cloth. And they are the descendants of the ancient Tairona 163 _, the greatest goldsmiths of South America, who in the wake of the conquest, retreated into this isolated 164 _ massif that soars to 20,000 feet above the Caribbean 165 _ plain. 12:49 There are four 166 _: the Kogi, the Wiwa, the Kankwano and the Arhuacos. I traveled with the Arhuacos, and the wonderful thing about this story was that this man, Danilo Villafane if we just jump back here for a second. When I first met Danilo, in the Colombian 167 _ in Washington, I couldn't help but say, "You 9 Follow & Subscribe for more learning materials and strategies Fb: w ww.facebook.com/phamquangtu | Youtube: www.youtube.com/c/thaytupham know, can you fake it till you make it? Like, can you do this just for a little while and actually {{experience}} a behavioral outcome that makes you seem more powerful? So we know that our nonverbals {{govern}} how other people think and feel about us. There's a lot of {{evidence}}. But our question really was, do our nonverbals govern how we think and feel about ourselves? 07:21 There's some evidence that they do. So, for example, we smile when we feel happy, but also, when we're {{forced}} to smile by holding a pen in our teeth like this, it makes us feel happy. So it goes both ways. When it comes to power, it also goes both ways. So when you feel powerful, you're more likely to do this, but it's also possible that when you {{pretend}} to be powerful, you are more likely to {{actually}} feel powerful. 07:55 So the second question really was, you know, so we know that our minds change our bodies, but is it also true that our bodies change our minds? And when I say minds, in the case of the powerful, what am I talking about? So I'm talking about thoughts and feelings and the sort of physiological things that make up our thoughts and feelings, and in my case, that's {{hormones}}. I look at hormones. So what do the minds of the powerful versus the powerless look like? So powerful people tend to be, not surprisingly, more {{assertive}} and more confident, more {{optimistic}}. They actually feel they're going to win even at games of chance. They also tend to be able to think more {{abstractly}}. So there are a lot of differences. They take more {{risks}}. There are a lot of differences between powerful and powerless people. Physiologically, there also are differences on two key hormones: testosterone, which is the { {dominance}} h ormone, and cortisol, which is the { {stress}} h ormone. 08:54 So what we find is that high-power alpha males in primate {{hierarchies}} have high 151 Follow & Subscribe for more learning materials and strategies Fb: w ww.facebook.com/phamquangtu | Youtube: www.youtube.com/c/thaytupham testosterone and low cortisol, and powerful and effective {{leaders}} also have high testosterone and low cortisol. So what does that mean? When you think about power, people tended to think only about testosterone, because that was about dominance. But really, power is also about how you react to stress. So do you want the high-power leader that's {{dominant}}, high on testosterone, but really stress {{reactive}}? Probably not, right? You want the person who's powerful and assertive and dominant, but not very stress reactive, the person who's { {laid back}}. 09:35 So we know that in {{primate}} hierarchies, if an alpha needs to take over, if an {{individual}} needs to take over an alpha role sort of {{suddenly}}, within a few days, that individual's testosterone has gone up significantly and his cortisol has {{dropped}} significantly. So we have this evidence, both that the body can shape the mind, at least at the {{facial}} level, and also that role changes can shape the mind. So what happens, okay, you take a role change, what happens if you do that at a really {{minimal}} level, like this tiny {{manipulation}}, this tiny {{intervention}}? "For two minutes," you say, "I want you to stand like this, and it's going to make you feel more powerful." 10:17 So this is what we did. We decided to bring people into the lab and run a little {{experiment}}, and these people {{adopted}}, for two minutes, either high-power poses or low-power poses, and I'm just going to show you five of the {{poses}}, although they took on only two. So here's one. A couple more. This one has been {{dubbed}} the "Wonder Woman" by the media. Here are a couple more. So you can be standing or you can be sitting. And here are the low-power poses. So you're {{folding}} up, you're making yourself small. This one is very low-power. When you're touching your neck, you're really { {protecting}} y ourself. 11:00 152 Follow & Subscribe for more learning materials and strategies Fb: w ww.facebook.com/phamquangtu | Youtube: www.youtube.com/c/thaytupham So this is what happens. They come in, they spit into a {{vial}}, for two minutes, we say, "You need to do this or this." They don't look at pictures of the poses. We don't want to {{prime}} them with a {{concept}} of power. We want them to be feeling power. So two minutes they do this. We then ask them, "How powerful do you feel?" on a series of {{items}}, and then we give them an opportunity to {{gamble}}, and then we take another saliva sample That's it That's the whole experiment. 11:26 So this is what we find. Risk {{tolerance}}, which is the gambling, we find that when you are in the high-power pose {{condition}}, 86 percent of you will gamble. When you're in the low-power pose condition, only 60 percent, and that's a {{whopping}} significant difference. 11:41 Here's what we find on testosterone. From their {{baseline}} when they come in, high-power people experience about a 20-percent {{increase}}, and low-power people experience about a 10-percent {{decrease}}. So again, two minutes, and you get these changes. Here's what you get on cortisol. High-power people experience about a 25-percent decrease, and the low-power people experience about a 15-percent increase. So two minutes lead to these hormonal changes that {{configure}} your brain to basically be either assertive, confident and {{comfortable}}, or really stress-reactive, and feeling sort of {{shut down}}. And we've all had the feeling, right? So it seems that our nonverbals do govern how we think and feel about ourselves, so it's not just others, but it's also ourselves. Also, our bodies change our minds. 12:34 But the next question, of course, is, can power posing for a few minutes really change your life in {{meaningful}} ways? This is in the lab, it's this little task, it's just a couple of minutes. Where can you actually {{apply}} this? Which we cared about, of 153 Follow & Subscribe for more learning materials and strategies Fb: w ww.facebook.com/phamquangtu | Youtube: www.youtube.com/c/thaytupham course. And so we think where you want to use this is {{evaluative}} situations, like social threat situations. Where are you being evaluated, either by your friends? For {{teenagers}}, it's at the lunchroom table. For some people it's speaking at a school board meeting. It might be giving a {{pitch}} or giving a talk like this or doing a job {{interview}}. We decided that the one that most people could relate to because most people had been through, was the job interview. 13:18 So we {{published}} these findings, and the {{media}} are all over it, and they say, Okay, so this is what you when you go in for the job interview, right? 13:27 (Laughter) 13:28 You know, so we were of course {{horrified}}, and said, Oh my God, no, that's not what we meant at all. For {{numerous}} reasons, no, don't do that. Again, this is not about you talking to other people. It's you talking to yourself. What do you do before you go into a job interview? You do this. You're sitting down. You're looking at your iPhone or your Android, not trying to leave anyone out. You're looking at your notes, you're hunching up, making yourself small, when really what you should be doing maybe is this, like, in the bathroom, right? Do that. Find two minutes. So that's what we want to test. Okay? So we bring people into a {{lab}}, and they do either high- or low-power poses again, they go through a very {{stressful}} job interview. It's five minutes long. They are being {{recorded}}. They're being judged also, and the judges are {{trained}} to give no nonverbal {{feedback}}, so they look like this. {{Imagine}} this is the person interviewing you. So for five minutes, nothing, and this is worse than being {{heckled}}. People hate this. It's what Marianne LaFrance calls "standing in social quicksand." So this really {{spikes}} your cortisol. So this is the job interview we put them through, because we really wanted to see what happened. 154 Follow & Subscribe for more learning materials and strategies Fb: w ww.facebook.com/phamquangtu | Youtube: www.youtube.com/c/thaytupham We then have these {{coders}} look at these tapes, four of them. They're blind to the {{hypothesis}}. They're blind to the conditions. They have no idea who's been posing in what pose, and they end up looking at these sets of {{tapes}}, and they say, "We want to hire these people," all the high-power posers. "We don't want to hire these people. We also evaluate these people much more {{positively}} overall." But what's driving it? It's not about the {{content}} of the speech. It's about the {{presence}} that they're bringing to the speech. Because we rate them on all these {{variables}} related to competence, like, how well-structured is the speech? How good is it? What are their {{qualifications}}? No effect on those things. This is what's affected. These kinds of things. People are bringing their true selves, basically. They're bringing themselves. They bring their ideas, but as themselves, with no, you know, {{residue}} over them So this is what's driving the effect, or { {mediating}} t he effect. 15:32 So when I tell people about this, that our bodies change our minds and our minds can change our behavior, and our behavior can change our outcomes, they say to me, "It feels fake." Right? So I said, fake it till you make it. It's not me. I don't want to get there and then still feel like a {{fraud}}. I don't want to feel like an {{impostor}}. I don't want to get there only to feel like I'm not {{supposed}} to be here. And that really resonated with me, because I want to tell you a little story about being an impostor and feeling like I'm not supposed to be here. 16:04 When I was 19, I was in a really bad car {{accident}}. I was thrown out of a car, rolled {{several}} times. I was thrown from the car. And I woke up in a head {{injury}} rehab ward, and I had been {{withdrawn}} from college, and I learned that my IQ had dropped by two {{standard}} deviations, which was very {{traumatic}}. I knew my IQ because I had {{identified}} with being smart, and I had been called {{gifted}} as a child. So I'm taken out of college, I keep trying to go back. They say, "You're not going to finish college. Just, you know, there are other things for you to do, but that's not going to work out for you." 155 Follow & Subscribe for more learning materials and strategies Fb: w ww.facebook.com/phamquangtu | Youtube: www.youtube.com/c/thaytupham 16:41 So I really struggled with this, and I have to say, having your identity taken from you, your core identity, and for me it was being smart, having that taken from you, there's nothing that leaves you feeling more powerless than that. So I felt {{entirely}} powerless. I worked and worked, and I got lucky, and worked, and got lucky, and worked. 16:59 {{Eventually}} I graduated from college. It took me four years longer than my peers, and I {{convinced}} someone, my angel {{advisor}}, Susan Fiske, to take me on, and so I ended up at Princeton, and I was like, I am not supposed to be here. I am an impostor. And the night before my first-year talk, and the first-year talk at Princeton is a 20-minute talk to 20 people. That's it. I was so {{afraid}} of being found out the next day that I called her and said, "I'm quitting." She was like, "You are not quitting, because I took a gamble on you, and you're staying. You're going to stay, and this is what you're going to do. You are going to fake it. You're going to do every talk that you ever get asked to do. You're just going to do it and do it and do it, even if you're {{terrified}} and just {{paralyzed}} and having an out-of-body experience, until you have this moment where you say, 'Oh my gosh, I'm doing it. Like, I have become this. I am actually doing this.'" So that's what I did. Five years in {{grad}} school, a few years, you know, I'm at Northwestern, I moved to Harvard, I'm at Harvard, I'm not really thinking about it anymore, but for a long time I had been thinking, "Not supposed to be here." 18:05 So at the end of my first year at Harvard, a student who had not talked in class the entire {{semester}}, who I had said, "Look, you've gotta participate or else you're going to fail," came into my office. I really didn't know her at all. She came in totally {{defeated}}, and she said, "I'm not supposed to be here." And that was the 156 Follow & Subscribe for more learning materials and strategies Fb: w ww.facebook.com/phamquangtu | Youtube: www.youtube.com/c/thaytupham {{moment}} for me. Because two things happened. One was that I realized, oh my gosh, I don't feel like that anymore. I don't feel that anymore, but she does, and I get that feeling. And the second was, she is supposed to be here! Like, she can fake it, she can become it. 18:43 So I was like, "Yes, you are! You are supposed to be here! And {{tomorrow}} you're going to fake it, you're going to make yourself powerful, and, you know 18:52 (Applause) 18:57 And you're going to go into the classroom, and you are going to give the best comment ever." You know? And she gave the best comment ever, and people turned around and were like, oh my God, I didn't even {{notice}} her sitting there. (Laughter) 19:11 She comes back to me months later, and I realized that she had not just faked it till she made it, she had actually faked it till she {{became}} it. So she had changed. And so I want to say to you, don't fake it till you make it. Fake it till you become it. Do it enough until you actually become it and {{internalize}}. 19:31 The last thing I'm going to leave you with is this. Tiny {{tweaks}} can lead to big changes. So, this is two minutes. Two minutes, two minutes, two minutes. Before you go into the next stressful evaluative {{situation}}, for two minutes, try doing this, in 157 Follow & Subscribe for more learning materials and strategies Fb: w ww.facebook.com/phamquangtu | Youtube: www.youtube.com/c/thaytupham the elevator, in a bathroom stall, at your desk behind closed doors. That's what you want to do. {{Configure}} your brain to cope the best in that situation. Get your testosterone up. Get your cortisol down. Don't leave that situation feeling like, oh, I didn't show them who I am. Leave that situation feeling like, I really feel like I got to say who I am and show who I am. 20:07 So I want to ask you first, you know, both to try power posing, and also I want to ask you to share the science, because this is {{simple}}. I don't have {{ego}} involved in this. (Laughter) Give it away. Share it with people, because the people who can use it the most are the ones with no {{resources}} and no technology and no {{status}} and no power. Give it to them because they can do it in {{private}}. They need their bodies, privacy and two minutes, and it can significantly change the {{outcomes}} of their life. 20:39 Thank you. 20 How to speak so that people want to listen 00:05 The human voice: It's the {{instrument}} we all play. It's the most powerful sound in the world, {{probably. It's the only one that can start a war or say "I love you." And yet many people have the {{experience that when they speak, people don't listen to them And why is that? How can we speak powerfully to make change in the world? 00:24 What I'd like to suggest, there are a number of {{habits}} that we need to move away from. I've {{assembled}} for your pleasure here seven deadly {{sins}} of speaking. I'm not pretending this is an {{exhaustive}} list, but these seven, I think, are pretty large 158 Follow & Subscribe for more learning materials and strategies Fb: w ww.facebook.com/phamquangtu | Youtube: www.youtube.com/c/thaytupham habits that we can all fall into. 00:40 First, gossip. Speaking ill of somebody who's not {{present}}. Not a nice habit, and we know {{perfectly}} well the person gossiping, five minutes later, will be gossiping about us. 00:53 Second, judging. We know people who are like this in {{conversation}}, and it's very hard to listen to somebody if you know that you're being {{judged}} and found wanting at the same time. 01:03 Third, {{negativity}}. You can fall into this. My mother, in the last years of her life, became very negative, and it's hard to listen. I remember one day, I said to her, "It's October today," and she said, "I know, isn't it {{dreadful}}?" 01:16 (Laughter) 01:18 It's hard to listen when somebody's that negative. 01:21 (Laughter) 159 Follow & Subscribe for more learning materials and strategies Fb: w ww.facebook.com/phamquangtu | Youtube: www.youtube.com/c/thaytupham 01:22 And another form of negativity, {{complaining}}. Well, this is the national art of the U.K. It's our national sport. We complain about the weather, sport, about {{politics}}, about everything, but actually, complaining is viral {{misery}}. It's not spreading sunshine and lightness in the world. 01:39 Excuses. 01:41 We've all met this guy. Maybe we've all been this guy. Some people have a {{blamethrower}}. They just pass it on to everybody else and don't take {{responsibility}} for their actions, and again, hard to listen to somebody who is being like that. 01:54 Penultimate, the sixth of the seven, {{embroidery}}, exaggeration. It demeans our language, actually, sometimes. For example, if I see something that really is {{awesome}}, what I call it? 02:06 (Laughter) 02:09 And then, of course, this {{exaggeration}} becomes lying, and we don't want to listen to people we know are lying to us. 160 Follow & Subscribe for more learning materials and strategies Fb: w ww.facebook.com/phamquangtu | Youtube: www.youtube.com/c/thaytupham 02:15 And finally, dogmatism. The {{confusion}} of facts with opinions. When those two things get {{conflated}}, you're listening into the wind. You know, somebody is {{bombarding}} you with their opinions as if they were true. It's difficult to listen to that. 02:32 So here they are, seven deadly sins of speaking. These are things I think we need to {{avoid}}. But is there a {{positive}} way to think about this? Yes, there is. I'd like to suggest that there are four really powerful cornerstones, {{foundations}}, that we can stand on if we want our speech to be powerful and to make change in the world. Fortunately, these things {{spell}} a word. The word is "hail," and it has a great {{definition}} as well. I'm not talking about the stuff that falls from the sky and hits you on the head. I'm talking about this definition, to greet or {{acclaim}} enthusiastically, which is how I think our words will be {{received}} if we stand on these four things. 03:10 So what do they stand for? See if you can guess. The H, {{honesty}}, of course, being true in what you say, being straight and clear. The A is {{authenticity}}, just being yourself. A friend of mine {{described}} it as standing in your own truth, which I think is a lovely way to put it. The I is {{integrity}}, being your word, actually doing what you say, and being somebody people can trust. And the L is love. I don't mean {{romantic}} love, but I do mean wishing people well, for two reasons. First of all, I think {{absolute}} honesty may not be what we want. I mean, my goodness, you look ugly this morning. Perhaps that's not necessary. {{Tempered}} with love, of course, honesty is a great thing. But also, if you're really wishing somebody well, it's very hard to judge them at the same time. I'm not even sure you can do those two things {{simultaneously}} So hail. 161 Follow & Subscribe for more learning materials and strategies Fb: w ww.facebook.com/phamquangtu | Youtube: www.youtube.com/c/thaytupham 04:08 Also, now that's what you say, and it's like the old song, it is what you say, it's also the way that you say it. You have an amazing {{toolbox}}. This instrument is incredible, and yet this is a toolbox that very few people have ever opened. I'd like to have a little {{rummage}} in there with you now and just pull a few tools out that you might like to take away and play with, which will { {increase}} t he power of your speaking. 04:29 Register, for example. Now, falsetto register may not be very {{useful}} most of the time, but there's a register in between. I'm not going to get very {{technical}} about this for any of you who are voice {{coaches}}. You can locate your voice, however. So if I talk up here in my nose, you can hear the {{difference}}. If I go down here in my throat, which is where most of us speak from most of the time. But if you want weight, you need to go down here to the chest. You hear the difference? We vote for politicians with lower voices, it's true, because we {{associate}} depth with power and with { {authority}} That's register. 05:07 Then we have a timbre. It's the way your voice feels. Again, the {{research}} shows that we prefer voices which are rich, smooth, warm, like hot chocolate. Well if that's not you, that's not the end of the world, because you can train. Go and get a voice coach. And there are amazing things you can do with breathing, with {{posture}}, and with exercises to improve the timbre of your voice. 05:30 Then prosody. I love prosody. This is the sing-song, the meta-language that we use in order to {{impart}} meaning. It's root one for meaning in conversation. People who speak all on one note are really quite hard to listen to if they don't have any prosody at all. That's where the word "monotonic" comes from, or monotonous, {{monotone}}. Also, we have {{repetitive}} prosody now coming in, where every sentence ends as if it 162 Follow & Subscribe for more learning materials and strategies Fb: w ww.facebook.com/phamquangtu | Youtube: www.youtube.com/c/thaytupham were a question when it's actually not a question, it's a { {statement}}? 06:00 (Laughter) 06:02 And if you repeat that one, it's actually {{restricting}} your ability to communicate through prosody, which I think is a {{shame}}, so let's try and break that habit. 06:12 Pace. 06:13 I can get very excited by saying something really quickly, or I can slow right down to {{emphasize}}, and at the end of that, of course, is our old friend - silence. There's nothing wrong with a bit of silence in a talk, is there? We don't have to fill it with ums and ahs It can be very powerful. 06:35 Of course, pitch often goes along with pace to {{indicate}} arousal, but you can do it just with pitch. Where did you leave my keys? (Higher pitch) Where did you leave my keys? So, slightly different meanings in those two {{deliveries}}. 06:47 And finally, volume. (Loud) I can get really excited by using volume. Sorry about that, if I {{startled}} anybody. Or, I can have you really pay attention by getting very quiet. Some people {{broadcast}} the whole time. Try not to do that. That's called 163 Follow & Subscribe for more learning materials and strategies Fb: w ww.facebook.com/phamquangtu | Youtube: www.youtube.com/c/thaytupham sodcasting, 07:05 (Laughter) 07:06 {{Imposing}} your sound on people around you carelessly and {{inconsiderately}}. Not nice. 07:12 Of course, where this all comes into play most of all is when you've got something really important to do. It might be standing on a stage like this and giving a talk to people. It might be proposing {{marriage}}, asking for a raise, a wedding speech. Whatever it is, if it's really important, you {{owe}} it to yourself to look at this toolbox and the {{engine}} that it's going to work on, and no engine works well without being warmed up Warm up your voice. 07:38 Actually, let me show you how to do that. Would you all like to stand up for a {{moment}}? I'm going to show you the six vocal warm-up {{exercises}} that I do before every talk I ever do. Any time you're going to talk to anybody important, do these. First, arms up, deep {{breath}} in, and sigh out, ahhhhh, like that. One more time. Ahhhh, very good. Now we're going to warm up our lips, and we're going to go Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba. Very good. And now, brrrrrrrrrr, just like when you were a kid. Brrrr. Now your lips should be coming {{alive}}. We're going to do the tongue next with exaggerated la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Beautiful. You're getting really good at this. And then, roll an R. Rrrrrrr. That's like {{champagne}} for the tongue. Finally, and if I can only do one, the {{pros}} call this the siren. It's really good. It starts with "we" and goes to "aw." The "we" is high, the "aw" is low. So you go, weeeaawww, 164 Follow & Subscribe for more learning materials and strategies Fb: w ww.facebook.com/phamquangtu | Youtube: www.youtube.com/c/thaytupham weeeaawww. 08:46 Fantastic Give yourselves a round of {{applause}} Take a seat, thank you. 08:49 (Applause) 08:51 Next time you speak, those in {{advance}}. 08:53 Now let me just put this in {{context}} to close. This is a serious point here. This is where we are now, right? We speak not very well to people who simply aren't listening in an {{environment}} that's all about noise and bad {{acoustics}}. I have talked about that on this stage in different phases. What would the world be like if we were speaking powerfully to people who were listening {{consciously}} in environments which were actually fit for purpose? Or to make that a bit larger, what would the world be like if we were {{creating}} sound consciously and {{consuming}} sound consciously and designing all our environments consciously for sound? That would be a world that does sound beautiful, and one where understanding would be the {{norm}}, and that is an idea {{worth}} s preading. 09:40 Thank you. 165