HILARIOUS HALLOWEEN JOKES The Untold Book of Inspiring Quotes Alireza Pakdel Copyright © 21 Alireza Pakdel All rights reserved ISBN 9798426563841 TABLE OF CONTENTS I Funny Vampire Jokes 4 II Funny Gho.
HILARIOUS HALLOWEEN JOKES The Untold Book of Inspiring Quotes Alireza Pakdel Copyright © 21 Alireza Pakdel All rights reserved ISBN: 9798426563841 TABLE OF CONTENTS I Funny Vampire Jokes .4 II Funny Ghost and Goblin Jokes 11 III Funny Mummy Jokes .14 IV Dracula Jokes 19 V Funny Skeleton Jokes .23 VI Funny Witch Jokes 32 VII Funny Pumpkin Jokes 33 VIII Funny Halloween Puns .34 IX Halloween Dad Jokes .43 X More Halloween Jokes That Are Too Punny 49 I Funny Vampire Jokes What would you call a vampire on sale? A dis-Count Dracula *** What happened at the vampire sprint race? It finished neck and neck *** What is a vampire's favorite ice cream flavor? It's vein-illa *** Where vampires not look that scary? On reflection *** Why was the local vampire club getting bigger constantly? They are always out for new blood *** How did the vampire feel when he was partying at the club? He had a bloody good time *** Why people hate vampires in general? Because they suck *** If vampires were furry creatures, what would they be called? Nos-fur-atu *** What type of vampires are always grumpy? The ones with B negative blood type *** What is usually the last meal of a vampire before execution? A steak! *** Why vampires not want to become investment bankers? They hate stakeholders *** What vampires usually call their boats? Blood Vessel *** What is a vampire's favorite brand of beer? Bloodweiser *** Why vampires need mouthwash? To combat bat breath *** What is a group of vampire groupies called? A fang club *** When ideas kill vampires? When they dawn upon them *** Why are vampires massive sociopaths? They have zero capability of self-reflection *** Why vampires refuse to bet on horses? Because of their inability to handle the stakes *** What would you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman? Frostbite *** What is a redneck vampire 's favorite drink? Blood Light *** Where vampires deposit all their money? The blood bank *** What is a vampire 's favorite fruit to eat when they need Vitamin C? Blood oranges *** What is a cross-dressing vampire called? A Dragula *** What is a vampire s favorite drink when they party? Bloody Mary *** What did the vampire doctor say to his patient? You need more iron *** Why vampires like attacking wizards? They are neck-romancers *** What does the doctor vampire say when he calls up a patient? Necks please! *** Why did the vampire read the newspaper? He heard it had great circulation *** How vampires get around on Halloween? On blood vessels *** What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire? It’s a pain in the neck *** What’s it called when a vampire has trouble with his house? A grave problem *** How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery? All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts *** What you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite *** How does a hacker vampire kill its victims? With a kill-o-byte *** Do you know why I broke up with my vampire girlfriend? Because she sucked the life out of me *** What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost as they drove down the street? Buckle your sheet belt! *** "Knock, knock! Who’s there? Howl! Howl who? Howl you know unless you open the door!" *** What goes “Ha-ha-ha-ha!” right before a gigantic sounding crash and then keeps laughing? A monster laughing it’s head off! *** How ghosts search the Web? They use ghoul-gle *** What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument? 57 A sax-a-bone *** Wanna know why skeletons are so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin *** "Knock Knock! Who’s there? Cement Cement who? Cement to scream when she saw Dracula but she fainted instead!" *** Why didn’t the zombie go to school? He felt rotten! *** What has hundreds of ears but can’t hear a thing? A cornfield! *** 58 The skeleton canceled the gallery showing of his skull-ptures because his heart wasn’t in it *** What type of plates skeletons like to use? Bone china *** What goes around a haunted house and never stops? A fence *** What did one thirsty vampire say to the other as they were passing the morgue? Let’s stop in for a cool one! *** What is a vampire’s pet peeve? - A Tourniquet! *** Why are skeletons so good at chopping down trees? They’re LUMBARjacks! *** 59 Where ghosts like to trick-or-treat? - Dead ends *** The skeleton decided to bone up on the facts for the big exam Who monsters buy cookies from? Ghoul scouts *** "Knock, Knock… Who’s there? Ben! Ben who? Ben waiting to get candy all day!" *** How does a vampire enter his house? Through the bat flap! *** Why is a cemetery a great place to write a story? Because there are so many plots there! *** 60 Why Jack-o-lanterns have wicked smiles? Because they just had their brains scooped out! *** Why are there fences around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in *** What happened to the man who didn’t pay his exorcist? The house was repossessed *** What did the girl horse dress up as for Halloween? A night mare *** What Halloween candy should you give trick-or-treaters if you want them to think you’re rich? A 100 grand candy bar *** What demons eat for breakfast? - Deviled eggs *** 61 Why did the werewolf go to the dressing room when he saw the full moon? - He needed to change *** Where is the best place to party on Halloween? The g-RAVE-yard *** Why couldn’t Dracula’s wife get to sleep? Because of his coffin *** Why did the baby wrap itself in white cloth strips? It was just trying to be just like its mummy *** Why ghosts like to hang out at bars? Because all of the Boos *** What you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us *** 62 Why ghosts hate when it rains on Halloween? It dampens their spirits *** What you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? Bamboo *** What kind of monster is the best dancer? The boogieman *** What you call a chicken that haunts your house? A poultrygeist *** How monsters like their eggs? Terror-fried *** Why didn’t the coffee bean go to the Halloween party? Because it was grounded *** 63 Who are the werewolf’s cousins? The what-wolf and then when-wolf *** What is a ghost’s favourite meal? Spook-ghetti *** What witches use on their hair? Scare-spray *** How you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern? You use a pumpkin patch! *** How spiders communicate? Through the word wide web! *** What you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash! *** 64 What can you say about a terrible mummy joke? It Sphinx! *** What kind of mistakes ghosts make? Boo boos *** Who’s the world’s best skeleton detective? Sherlock Bones! *** What was the witch’s favorite subject in school? Spelling *** What you call a skeleton who refuses to help you clean? Lazy bones *** Where did the mommy ghost take the baby ghost? To the dayscare center *** 65 Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo! *** What did the skeleton bring to the potluck? Spare ribs *** Why did the police officer write the ghost a ticket on Halloween? It didn’t have a haunting license! *** What kind of phone witches use? A touch-toad phone *** What ghosts eat for supper? - Spooketi *** What you say when you’re having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit! *** 66 What did the werewolf eat right after he got his teeth cleaned? The dentist *** What did one confident ghost say to the other? If you’ve got it, haunt it *** Why are vampires so good at baseball? They bring their own bats *** Why should you always trust a mummy with your secrets? They can keep anything under wraps *** What you call a witch’s garage? A broom closet *** Why are skeletons always so calm? Nothing gets under their skin *** 67 How vampires get around on Halloween? On blood vessels *** Why are vampires so good at baseball? They bring their own bats *** Why girl ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures *** When is it bad luck to see a black cat headed toward you? When you’re a mouse *** What part of the street vampires live on? The dead end! MORE BOOKS YOU MIGHT LIKE 68 BYALIREZA PAKDEL Christian Christmas Quotes: A message of Hopes, Top Christmas Quotes, Greetings, Message and Wishes Religious Christmas Wishes · May the love of Christ fill your home and life and cause each day of yours to release countless blessings for you Life Lessons From Genius: A Curated Collection of MindBlowing Wisdom Let's enjoy these great stories, fairy tales, fables, and nursery rhymes for children They help kids learn to read and make excellent bedtime stories! 69 Behind the Door: The Treasury of Quotes Life Changing If you like history and great quotes, you'll love this book which combines biography of a brief world-famous leaders with photographs and powerful quotes You and your family will learn from this collection of wisdom-echoing the integrity, strength of character A Magical Concoction of Halloween Quotes Over 130 Greatest Inspirational Halloween Quotes from famous people around the world A great way to celebrate Halloween is by enjoying quotes 70 Copyright by Alireza Pakdel All rights reserved This document is geared towards providing exact and reliable information in regards to the topic and issue covered The publication is sold with the idea that the publisher is not required to render accounting, officially permitted, qualified services The information provided herein is stated to be truthful and consistent, in that any liability, in terms of inattention or otherwise, by any usage or abuse of any policies, direction contained within is the solitary and utter responsibility of the recipient reader Under no circumstances will any legal responsibility or blame be held against the publisher for any reparation, damages, or monetary loss due to the information herein, either directly or indirectly 71 ... 32 VII Funny Pumpkin Jokes 33 VIII Funny Halloween Puns .34 IX Halloween Dad Jokes .43 X More Halloween Jokes That Are Too Punny 49 I Funny Vampire Jokes What would you call... Funny Vampire Jokes .4 II Funny Ghost and Goblin Jokes 11 III Funny Mummy Jokes .14 IV Dracula Jokes 19 V Funny Skeleton Jokes .23 VI Funny Witch Jokes 32... Neck-tarines 48 X More Halloween Jokes That Are Too Punny Who helps the little pumpkins cross the road safely? The crossing gourd *** What treat eye doctors give out on Halloween? Candy corneas