Return from la la land what women really want from men and why they cant have it unless

This forthcoming conference paper (2018) examines the often conflicted fantasies and expectations – both conscious and unconscious – that women have of men, in a long-term relationship In particular, the need to feel secure in a routine predictability can conflict with the need for adventure and stimulating newness or even chaotic danger Case examples are explored, along with some “romantic” literature and the film "LaLa Land." Often the conflict is represented by a woman being unable to choose (romantically) between a reliable (but somewhat boring) man and one who is exciting and adventurous, but quite volatile and unpredictable The source of this intra-psychic conflict is traced back to its origins, and linked to theoretical issues raised by the author in previous papers – especially Self-envy, the Womb and the Nature of Goodness (International journal of psycho-analysis, 1985.)