Other conflict issues are caused by the specific behaviors of those identified as problem people. Such people are those who for one reason or another aren’t living up to the expectations of an organization. Some are involved with alco- hol or drug abuse. Others are simply people who don’t like to do things the way other people do them. What follows is a description of different types of problem behaviors, and strategies for dealing with them.
Low Conformers
High conformers are usually easy to work with. They like to fit in, work well in teams, and are generally friendly toward policies and group norms. Low conformers are just the opposite: They think independently, solve problems creatively, and often cause some conflict in the process. Working with and managing this type of personality requires a special capacity for patience and good will. 10
Here are some suggestions that will make working with low conformers less problematic: 11
accommodator Someone who wants to avoid conflict by engaging in positive thinking.
collaborator
Someone who brings both sides together for discussion toward a win-win solution.
low conformers Individuals who think independently, solve problems creatively, and often cause some conflict in the process.
WINNING ON BOTH SIDES With win-win
situations, companies and individuals grow.
Conflicts are resolved with higher morale than before, and communication stays open. How can people bring more win-win situations to their work environments?
• Learn to tolerate their honesty. Low conformers are usually straightforward, using less tact and diplomacy than you might be used to.
• Accept the low conformer’s firm method of self-expression without labeling it as stubbornness or disloyalty.
• Support low conformers when others are overly critical.
• Accept their independence, and don’t be offended if they don’t ask for advice.
• Resist the urge to force them to conform.
• Give relevant positive reinforcement even when they don’t seem to need it.
You won’t be able to change the low conformer any more than you’re likely to change the high conformer. Both per- sonality types are important to an organization, one balancing the other.
Envious People
Envy is wanting what another person has, to the extent of feeling ill will toward the person who has it. Envious co-workers cause conflict that can be damaging to morale and productivity and can spread through a department or division like a virus.
The following are several suggestions for dealing with an envious person at work. Some will be more appropriate for you than others, depending on whether you are a manager or an employee. Some may seem to contradict each other, but just remember that they are simply strategies to try. If one doesn’t work, go on to the next.
1. Avoid destructive conflict with the envious person. If you keep that goal in mind, your actions will be more focused and purposeful.
2. Confront the envious co-worker. Some envious people are dealt with best by calling them on their envy, openly and honestly. Once you have called the play, the game usually changes. Because of your approach, you are now perceived as having the power advantage. The envious
Before leaving for vacation, Jennifer wrote a memo that gave an unclear duty assignment to her department, which caused her employees to quarrel over who should be doing what. When Jennifer’s supervisor saw a conflict develop- ing in the workplace, she took a minute to look into it and read the memo. She then decided whether the conflict was
being encouraged by the structure or policies of the organi- zation. As it turned out, behavior like Jennifer’s was typical for their company, where managers often wrote vague and sometimes confusing memos. In this case, the company’s written communication was a structural factor that was not functioning well and thus was causing conflict.
DIFFERENT STYLES OF MANAGING CONFLICT People have many different styles of managing conflict.
They include the competitor, the avoider, the compromiser, the accommodator, and the collaborator. Why might the collaborator require the most skill and diplomacy of all the styles of managing conflict?
co-worker will back away and choose someone else as a target (hopefully not another co-worker). One warning: A vengeful, envious person often will work even harder behind your back after a confrontation.
3. Avoid excessive contact with the envious person. Say hello and good- bye, but avoid making prolonged eye contact or starting a conversation.
If the other person wants to chat, politely cut the conversation short.
Politeness is very important, for you must avoid making the person feel snubbed. Have short conversations; then, move on.
4. Discuss the problem with your manager. This meeting should be a per- ception check. You’re just checking to see if your boss perceives the same attitude that you perceive. Don’t turn the discussion into a gripe session;
remember that you are trying to avoid open conflict.
5. Build up the envious person’s self-esteem. People often are envious because of low self-worth. Even when other methods fail, this one often reduces the intensity of the envious behavior.
Whatever course of action you decide to use, don’t play into the other person’s game: Don’t descend to subtle insults and backstabbing. If you wait long enough, the problem will usually pass, and the envy will eventually burn itself out. 12
Whiners and Complainers
How would you deal with Helen in Real World Example 11.10 on page 277 if you were her co-worker? What if you were her boss?
One can readily find people in the workplace who are never happy and who discuss their problems constantly. Whether you are their manager or co- worker, these steps can help you deal with this common source of conflict:
1. Listen, but not too much. Whiners and complainers are good at taking advantage of sympathetic listeners. Although you should give honest, rel- evant complaints an ear when they involve you, learn to pull a rambling gripe session together by asking, “What is your point?” or “What are you going to do to solve this?”
2. Do frequent reality checks. You might be able to call the bluff of the chronic whiner by saying something like, “OK, tell me exactly what the problem is and what you want me to do about it.” By forcing the Maclaren Auto Mall often places salespeople in a higher-
status position than the mechanics who work on the cars and must be highly skilled to perform their jobs. Mechanics often see salespeople as unskilled employees who get to
dress in nice clothes and often get better pay. Companies like Maclaren are workplaces where conflict is always waiting to happen.
Complainers and Whiners
This combination is a conflict waiting to start.
Learn to recognize the legitimate complaint when you hear it, but don’t tolerate this type of chronic behavior. It is counterproductive and causes nega- tive conflict.
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Passives are often angry people who express their anger silently and indirectly.
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complainer to focus on the purpose for the gripe session, and by stressing the limits of your own power to change things, you can often reduce the complaining.
3. Challenge the word unfair. Unfair is one of the commonest words used by whiners and com- plainers. With them, the word often means
“I’m not getting what I want.” By demand- ing specific examples of unfairness, and by demanding facts rather than implications or innuendoes, you can force the whiners to focus on what they are really saying.
4. Be a team leader or player. As a manager, you can promote a spirit of teamwork and camaraderie in the workplace. You can stress the possibility of transfer for people who aren’t team players. As a team member, you can be the kind of team player who won’t tolerate the whiners.
Passive, Unresponsive People
Unresponsive people are sometimes the most difficult people to work with because on the surface they often seem agreeable and even easygoing.
These personality types react to any confrontation or potential conflict by shutting down.
How can you be sure you are dealing with a passive person? Not all quiet people are passive. Some people don’t speak up until they are absolutely sure they have something relevant to say; others are very good at screening out irrelevant material and thus seem somewhat unresponsive. 13 Passive people are different: when you most need a response, they will disappoint you.
Passive people have a variety of different rea- sons for their behavior. Some people use their absence of response as a way of intimidating—
a method of calculated aggression. Others remain quiet because they are afraid of sounding foolish.
Still others keep quiet to escape responsibility.
Words give a concrete reality to thoughts and feel- ings. When you speak inner thoughts, you are admitting you have them—a frightening admission for some people. The safer course is to hide them from both others and yourself. 14
How would you have handled Janel if you had been her manager in “Real World Example 11.8”?
Once you are convinced that it is a passive person you are dealing with, you can take some positive steps to get meaningful feedback from this type of difficult person: 15
1. Ask open-ended questions. Don’t ask passive people any question that can be answered with a yes or no, or even with a brief phrase. Develop questions that encourage them to open up. Some examples are: “How do you react to that?” “What thoughts on this subject occur to you right now?” or “What would you do if . . . ?”
2. Develop and use a friendly, silent gaze. After asking an open-ended question, look directly at the silent person with a quizzical, expectant expression on your face. This expression should not be unduly threat- ening, but it should urge a hesitant person to talk. If you are to use this technique successfully, you must be willing to maintain the gaze beyond the limits of your own comfort. Sometimes, this technique won’t work. If it doesn’t, move quickly to another method.
3. Don’t fill the space. A supportive person often is tempted to make enough small talk to fill the uncomfortable empty pauses. If you rescue passive people, you will have enabled them to remain passive.
4. Make statements to help break the tension. Call attention to what has been going on. Make a statement such as “I expected you to say some- thing, Ignatio, and you’re not. What does that mean?” Then return to the friendly, silent gaze. You might also ask, “Can you talk about what you’re thinking?” or “What’s on your mind right now?”
5. Set time limits. Plan in advance how much time you plan to spend deal- ing with the passive silent person. Tell the person what the
time limit is. Often, a great deal will be said in the last few minutes by the silent person who knows that time is short.
Other types of difficult people produce conflict in the workplace. Dealing with all of them requires patience, good listening skills, and time. Whenever a conflict with a difficult person begins, you must become aware as soon as possible that a difficult person is involved; then plan your strategy accord- ingly. Once the problem is identified, work toward a solution, attempting to get a commitment from the difficult person.
Because of the nature of difficult people, most of them will never completely stop being difficult. Deal with their difficul- ties on an event-by-event basis, realizing the limitations of any conflict management procedure.
Janel was a low conformer. She used her own shorthand in memos (which everyone in the office had to learn), turned in her work on her own schedule (which made other people wait), and maneuvered her 9-to-5 job into
a flextime schedule nobody else had (which made many people envious). Working with her was often chaotic.
Since Janel was very productive and pleasant otherwise, she was able to survive in the company.
Josh was an employee who would begin sulking whenever a co-worker was given a job assignment that he wanted.
Sometimes he seemed to want jobs that others had despite the duties involved. Josh simply was not happy with himself,
and his self-esteem problems led him to believe that the jobs others had must be better simply because he hadn’t gotten them. Some self-esteem boosting helped, but Josh continued to cause conflict through his excessive envy.
S T R A T E G I E S F O R S U C C E S S Strategy 11.1 Negotiate Win-Win Solutions 1. Get emotions under control.
2. Agree on ground rules.
3. Clarify all positions.
4. Explore multiple needs and issues.
5. Develop alternatives.
6. Choose solutions that are win-win.
The conflict manager should look for underlying reasons, interests, and needs. Once these areas are identified, the leader should get each side to list them in order of importance. The rest of the negotiation process is a series of exchanges, with one side giving up one issue in order to gain another from the other side. At this point in the process, a creative negotiator can bring off concession bargaining moves that would not occur to a less creative mind. Concession bargaining is the process of getting each side in a conflict to willingly make concessions in exchange for conces- sions (compromises) made by the opposing side.
Of course, this process isn’t as easy as it sounds. The conflict manager must take the group through a series of steps, following some important guidelines, before the win-win method can work.
1. Get emotions under control. If emotions are strong on one or both sides, a con- flict manager must put most of the creative effort into calming people down. Leaders should be especially careful that their own emotions are not involved with either side.
A good beginning might be “Look, I know you’re angry, but if we’re going to resolve this, we need to put our feelings aside and try to work on some alternatives. Would you be willing to do that?” 16 The final question is crucial. Press for a commitment to solving the problem, rather than placing the blame.
People handle their anger in different ways, and the anger itself can become a source of conflict. One side’s anger will often feed the anger of the other side until the situation seems hopeless.
Both sides may think that the other is not acting in good faith.
When you are sitting down to reach a solution, that distrust must be dispelled. Anger must be expressed or the other person will not be able to understand the focus of your emotions—yet expressing that anger too strongly (such as with personal insults) can block further communication. If nothing else works, the leader should try getting both sides to explain why they are angry. The focus then becomes the reasons behind the feelings, rather than the feelings alone.
concession bargaining The process of getting each side in a conflict to willingly make concessions in exchange for concessions made by the opposing side.
A
tr
Concession bargaining is used frequently by union bargaining teams to negotiate flexible issues, such as salaries, benefits, and employee rights.
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Helen was a factory employee who spent virtually all of her free time complaining about her job, personal life, co- workers, or manager. Her favorite word seemed to be
“unfair.” Everyone was unfair. The job was unfair, especially
the pay, and—of course—her manager. Not only did Helen cause daily misery for herself, but she made others around her miserable as well. 17
2. Agree on ground rules. Once the anger has been dealt with, the conflict manager should establish ground rules. He or she should explain that the rules are meant to keep the process running smoothly, not to force either side to conform. To emphasize this, when establishing ground rules, the conflict manager should encourage both sides to suggest rules. The earlier in the process you can get participation, the better. Some of the basic rules could include: 18
• Agree to listen as carefully as possible, without interrupting.
• Agree to control anger, even if someone disagrees with your position.
• Agree to treat each other with the respect you would like to receive.
• Agree on the amount of time you will devote to achieving a solution.
• Resist the urge to force the participants to conform.
Once ground rules have been established, they can be used as calming and disciplin- ary devices if the discussion threatens to get out of control. By reminding each side of the rules they agreed to, the leader has a better chance of retaining control.
3. Clarify all positions. When emotions are dealt with and the ground rules are set, it is time to get all of the issues, facts, and opinions out for
close examination. When both sides have seen what the problems are from the other’s perspective, they can move toward an understanding that makes both feel like win- ners. Both sides will still push for whatever they want most, but they will also be listening to the needs of the other side.
Allow both sides equal time for self-expression. If either one is dominating the discussion, the conflict manager should call for more input from the opposi- tion. Some people become suddenly silent during this phase and need to be encouraged to participate. Stay in the objective mode as consistently as possible. Everyone involved should take care not to form value judgments.
4. Explore multiple needs and issues. Begin this phase by allowing both sides to explain why they chose their position
rather than the other one. Then find multiple interests in the issue and look for the ones that both sides share.
5. Develop alternatives. Based on the needs and issues you have uncovered, list each possible alternative to be examined carefully later. This can be done much like a brain- storming session: don’t allow any value judgments or editorial comments by either side, and strive for quantity of ideas, rather than quality at this point.
6. Choose solutions that are win-win. Explain carefully what a win-win solution is: one that gives something of perceived value to both sides. Then go through each alterna- tive, asking how it can be seen as a win-win solution. Usually a list of acceptable solu- tions will evolve by consensus. When that fails to happen, the conflict manager must make the decisions alone, asking for a consensus of the solutions he or she selects.
The Objective Mode
The objective mode means being “computer- like,” not unduly swayed by feelings or emo- tions. It is calm and does not let emotions interfere with objective decisions.
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