Hiding bad feelings in daily conversations in american and vietnamese

Vietnam national university College of foreign languages Postgraduate department **0** Cao ThÞ HËu Hiding bad feelings in daily conversations in American and vietnamese (Che giấu cảm xúc không vui hội thoại hàng ngày ng-ời Mỹ ng-ời Việt Nam) PROGRAM I M.A MINOR THESIS Field: English Linguistics Code: 60 22 15 Hanoi, 2009 Vietnam national university College of foreign languages Postgraduate department **0** Cao ThÞ HËu Hiding bad feelings in daily conversations in American and vietnamese (Che giấu cảm xúc không vui hội thoại hàng ngày ng-ời Mỹ vµ ng-êi ViƯt Nam) PROGRAM I M.A MINOR THESIS Field: English Linguistics Code: 60 22 15 Supervisor: Đỗ Thị Mai Thanh, M.A Hanoi, 2009 iv TABLE OF CONTENTS Part 1: Introduction 1 Rationale Aims of the study Scope of the study Methodology of the study 4.1 The survey instrument 4.2 The participants 4.3 Data collection 4.4 Data analysis Design of the study Part 2: Development Chapter 1: Theoretical background 1.1 Language, communication, and culture 1.1.1 Language and communication 1.1.2 Language and culture 1.2 Hiding bad feelings used as a face saving act 1.3 Previous researches on subject matters related to hiding feelings Chapter 2: Verbal communication and hiding bad feelings 10 2.1 Verbal communication 10 2.2 Ways of using verbal language to hide bad feelings 11 Chapter 3: Results and Discussions 16 3.1 Ways to express different strategies to hide bad feelings in American English and Vietnamese 16 3.1.1 Frequency of verbal hiding bad feelings in American and Vietnamese in particular social groups 17 3.1.2 Different strategies used by American and Vietnamese in hiding bad feelings 20 3.1.3 Communication in university 22 3.1.4 Communication in family 23 3.1.5 Communication in business 24 v 3.2 Different strategies of hiding bad feelings used by different gender of two groups - as seen from gender perspective 25 3.2.1 Hiding bad feelings used by Vietnamese females vs males 25 3.2.2 Hiding bad feelings used by American females vs males 33 Part 3: Conclusion 41 Summary 41 Some suggestions for successful communication 42 Suggestions for further study 43 vi LIST OF TABLES AND GRAPHS Table 1: Frequency of verbal hiding bad feelings in terms of age 17 Table 2: Frequency of verbal hiding bad feelings in terms of gender 18 Table 3: Frequency of verbal hiding bad feelings in terms of marital status 18 Table 4: Frequency of verbal hiding bad feelings in terms of living area 19 Table 5: Frequency of verbal hiding bad feelings in terms of occupation 19 Table 6: Frequency of verbal hiding bad feelings in terms of language acquisition 20 Chart 1: Different strategies used by American and Vietnamese in hiding bad feelings 21 Chart 2: Different strategies of hiding bad feelings in communication in university used by native speakers of Vietnamese and native speakers of English 22 Chart 3: Different strategies of hiding bad feelings in communication in family used by native speakers of Vietnamese and native speakers of English 23 Chart 4: Different strategies of hiding bad feelings in communication in business used by native speakers of Vietnamese and native speakers of English 24 Chart 5: Different strategies of hiding bad feelings used by different gender of two groups: Vietnamese females vs males 26 Chart 6: Different strategies of hiding bad feelings used in communication in university by Vietnamese females vs males 27 Chart 7: Different strategies of hiding bad feelings used in communication in family by Vietnamese females vs males 28 Chart 8: Different strategies of hiding bad feelings used in communication in business by Vietnamese females vs males 30 Chart 9: Different purposes of Vietnamese males and females in hiding bad feelings 31 Chart 10: Different bad feelings hidden by Vietnamese males and females 32 Chart 11: Different strategies of hiding bad feelings used by different gender of two groups: American females vs males 34 Chart 12: Different strategies of hiding bad feelings used in communication in university by American females vs males 35 Chart 13: Different strategies of hiding bad feelings used in communication in family by American females vs males 36 vii Chart 14: Different strategies of hiding bad feelings used in communication in business by American females vs males 37 Chart 15: Different purposes of American males and females in hiding bad feelings 39 Chart 16: Different bad feelings hidden by American males and females 40 viii LIST OF ABBREVIATIONS AND CONVENTIONS SPSS = Statistical Package for the Social Sciences FTA = Face threatening act FSA = Face saving act Stra = Strategy Uni = University Fami = Family Busi = Business A = Always S = Sometimes N = Never MS = Marital status LA = Living area Pur = Purpose F = Feeling Part 1: Introduction Rationale Language, according to Schmidt & Richard (1980, p 161), is used to ‚build bridges, to consolidate political regimes, to carry on arguments, to convey information from one person to another, to entertain – in short, to communicate.‛ When the function ‚to communicate‛ flows successfully, a social relation has been established, reinforced and maintained Thus, successful communication requires not only pure linguistic competence but also knowledge of social norms, social status, social values, and relations between individuals known as communicative competence - the ability to use the language correctly and appropriately Successful communication needs the correct interpretation by an addressee of a speaker’s/ writer’s intent in performing a linguistic act The lack of this pragmatic competence as well as linguistic competence may lead to impoliteness, misinterpretation, culture shocks, or even communication breakdown Hiding bad feelings is chosen for investigation in this study not accidentally First, communicative functions are not only language – specific, they are culture – specific as well The difference in the ways in which languages realize the same function seems to make it problematic for language learners to say the right thing at the right time It seems to be dangerous when the exposure of negative feelings may insult or loose face of the interlocutors Knowing how to hide the bad feelings and response appropriately is very necessary, especially for cultural outsiders Second, a number of studies concerning speech acts such as thanking, advising, requesting, apologizing, disagreeing, etc have been carried out in this college Some of the researches on hiding feelings have already done at undergraduate level, but none has been carried out at higher levels Thus, I would like to continue exploring this topic in my M.A thesis Moreover, a comparison of hiding bad feelings between American native speakers of English and native speakers of Vietnamese is considered to be valuable to the teaching and learning of spoken English in Vietnam That is why the thesis is named ‚Hiding bad feelings in daily conversations in American and Vietnamese‛ 2 Aims of the study The very first aim of this study is to find out the ways to express different polite strategies to hide bad feelings in American English and Vietnamese The second purpose is to compare the different strategies of hiding bad feelings used by different gender of two ethnic groups: Vietnamese females vs males, and American females vs males Thanks to these findings, some suggestions for successful communication will be given The study is, therefore, conducted with the hope of contributing to the socio-cultural aspects of spoken English communication for the avoidance or at least the reduction of communication failures in terms of sociolinguistic The following questions guided the research: What are ways to express different polite strategies to hide bad feelings in American English and Vietnamese? Does gender difference affect the ways of hiding bad feelings of American and Vietnamese? Scope of the study Although the author is fully conscious of the role of non-verbal factors in real life communication, they are beyond the scope of this study The study is only confined to the verbal aspect of the communication of hiding bad feelings And the study focuses on some specific situations in business, university and family The Vietnamese northern dialects and American English are chosen for contrastive analysis By American English, the author means the English spoken by those who have American nationality and speak English as their native language Although such sociological factors such as relative power, ranking of impositions and social distance are crucial, they are kept neutral and constant The study especially focuses on the effects of different genders on the ways of hiding bad feelings of native speakers of Vietnamese and American Methodology of the study 4.1 The survey instrument The survey instrument, a three-page questionnaire, was devised to work out hiding bad feelings in daily conversations in American and Vietnamese The questionnaire was divided into three sections The first section contained demographic questions in order to gain information about the participants’ nationality, age, gender, marital status, area where they spend most of their time, occupation, acquisition of language(s) other than their mother tongue The second section consisted of three questions Respondents were asked: ‚How often you hide your bad feelings? What is your purpose when you hide your bad feelings? What bad feelings you often hide?‛ This section dealt with the basic concept of hiding bad feelings in order to review the subjects’ understanding of hiding bad feelings The third section related to seven situations, including situations in university, situations in family, and situations in business In this section, informants were asked to be in specific positions to produce practical strategies of hiding bad feelings They can choose one of the appropriate answers given or express their own ideas 4.2 The participants The subjects in this study were divided into two groups: Vietnamese people and American people The Vietnamese group included 20 females and 20 males, who were native speakers of Vietnamese living in the Northern part of Vietnam The American group included 20 females and 20 males who were native speakers of English living in the USA The questionnaires were delivered to many people of two groups from different professions and social status Their ages range from 18 to 60 years Due to research requirement seen from gender perspective, the survey was distributed almost evenly in number of female and male respondents in both of the two groups The number of females respondents accounts for 50% and male respondents 50% This balance will affirm valid findings of the study 4.3 Data collection Two different methods were used for data collection First, while visiting some places like travel agencies, restaurants, hotels, cafeterias, libraries, classrooms, and at home in February, March and April of 2009, the researcher contacted 44 foreigners and 55 30 50 50 48.1 45 P e r c e n t a g e 40 35 32.7 30 25 23.1 23.1 Female Male 20 15 11.5 10 5.8 0 0 1.9 3.9 0 0 Stra Stra Stra Stra Stra Stra Stra Stra Stra Chart 8: Different strategies of hiding bad feelings used in communication in business by Vietnamese females vs males Females also employed strategies and more frequently than males (32.7% : 23.1% and 11.5% : 3.9% respectively) It is amazing that the strategy ‚give some excuse‛ were used by the Vietnamese males but they did not exist in the Vietnamese females’ responses (0% : 1.9%) Besides ‚give some excuse‛, the other strategy used more by Vietnamese males than females is ‚self-abasement‛ At a glance, these findings are rather illogic, but they reflect the Vietnamese culture in which men are the breadwinner in family so they always expect job achievement and promotion more than women Hence, they have to avoid disagreement with their boss and their colleagues as much as possible Different purposes of Vietnamese males and females in hiding bad feelings For a better picture, the author tries to analyze the different purposes of Vietnamese males and females in order to explain the reasons why they used different strategies in hiding bad feelings Eight major purposes are suggested in the survey questionnaire by the author; however, some subjects added other purposes These purposes are shown below Purpose 1: To be polite Purpose 2: To prevent other people’s embarrassment 31 Purpose 3: To prevent yourself from being embarrassed Purpose 4: To get yourself out of troubles Purpose 5: To avoid hurting a person’s feelings Purpose 6: To minimize disagreement Purpose 7: To hide your true feelings Purpose 8: Not to shock or surprise others Purpose 9: Other purpose(s) 25 P e r c e n t a g e 21.421.7 21.4 20 16.7 15.2 14.3 15 11.9 15.2 15.2 11.9 11.9 Male Female 10 7.1 7.1 4.8 2.4 2.2 2.2 0 1st Pur 2nd Pur 3rd Pur 4th Pur 5th Pur 6th Pur 7th Pur 8th Pur 9th Pur Chart 9: Different purposes of Vietnamese males and females in hiding bad feelings Basing on the results shown in Chart below, two interesting observations call for presentation The first is that the percentages of purposes 1, 6, and in Vietnamese females’ columns are higher than Vietnamese males Among these purposes, Vietnamese females use strategies to ‚hide their true feelings‛ three times higher than males On the contrary, the purposes 2, 3, 4, 5, and are found higher in Vietnamese males’ columns than Vietnamese females The different purposes may affect the strategies employed by two genders For example, Vietnamese females hide their bad feelings ‚to be polite‛, the purpose with the highest proportion, while Vietnamese males hide their bad feelings in order to ‚be polite‛ and ‚to avoid hurting a person’s feelings‛ with the most frequent use 32 With different purposes, the strategies they used, of course, are different The illustration is that Vietnamese females tend to use strategies 1, 2, 3, 6, and more often than males Different bad feelings hidden by Vietnamese males and females Besides purposes, Vietnamese females and males employed different strategies with different bad feelings In the survey questionnaire, the author has offered 10 bad feelings and some subjects has added one more bad feeling These bad feelings are described below Bad feeling 1: Disagreement Bad feeling 7: Nervousness Bad feeling 2: Anger Bad feeling 8: Doubtfulness Bad feeling 3: Fear Bad feeling 9: Boredom Bad feeling 4: Sadness Bad feeling 10: Discomfort Bad feeling 5: Annoyance Bad feeling 11: Other bad feelings Bad feeling 6: Shyness Male Female 30 26.9 P e r c e n t a g e 25 20 14.1 15 9.6 10 12.9 9.4 9.4 9.6 9.4 7.7 5.8 5.9 5.8 4.7 12.9 12.9 11.5 9.6 7.7 3.9 8.2 1.9 0 1st F 2nd F 3rd F 4th F 5th F 6th F 7th F 8th F 9th F 10th F 11th F Chart 10: Different bad feelings hidden by Vietnamese males and females 33 According to Chart 10, Vietnamese females often hid such bad feelings as fear, sadness, shyness, nervousness, doubtfulness and boredom more frequently than Vietnamese males Contrastively, they often hid bad feelings, namely, disagreement, anger, annoyance, discomfort less often than males did Moreover, some Vietnamese males added other bad feelings, while none of the Vietnamese females added more Among these bad feelings, females often hid shyness and nervousness two times higher than males, by contrast males hid discomfort two times higher than females In conclusion, strategies of hiding bad feelings are differently employed in different situations with different purposes and different bad feelings by two genders However, it is worth noting that both Vietnamese females and males rarely used strategies 2, in university; 3, 5, 6, 7, in family; 1, 2, 8, in business when hiding their bad feelings Additionally, among eight strategies given by the author, both of the two genders used strategy ‚use vague or neutral responses‛ the most and strategy ‚give some excuse‛ the least Yet, the other strategies are employed slightly different 3.2.2 Hiding bad feelings used by American females vs males It is apparent from Chart 11 that of the nine mentioned strategies, ‚use vague or neutral responses‛ is the one that enjoys the most preference of both American females and males with the percentages of 22.9% and 30% respectively Meanwhile, ‚give some excuse‛ seems to gain the least popularity The percentage of this category in females’ column is twice higher than that in males’ column According to Chart 11, the strategy ‚tell a white lie‛ ranks second with the proportion of males higher than females Besides ‚use vague or neutral responses‛ and ‚tell a white lie‛, ‚flat refusal‛ is also used more often by American males than females (11.4% : 5.7%) By contrast, besides ‚give some excuse‛, such strategies as ‚try to find one aspect of the item being asked about to compliment‛, ‚self-abasement‛, ‚self-comfort‛ and ‚wash-back request‛ are much more preferred by females than males However, there is an equal choice in strategy ‚find one positive aspect of a person to compliment‛ between American females and males with the rates of 14.3% 34 30 30 P e r c e n t a g e 25 22.1 22.9 20 20 14.3 14.3 15 12.1 10 7.1 2.9 14.3 11.4 12.9 5.7 4.3 1.4 0.7 Female Male 2.1 1.4 Stra Stra Stra Stra Stra Stra Stra Stra Stra Chart 11: Different strategies of hiding bad feelings used by different gender of two groups: American females vs males Nonetheless, these strategies are not used totally the same as the results discussed above There are some changes in the ways of hedging bad emotions in communicating in different situations with different purposes The differences in hiding bad feelings between American females versus males will be described in three situations: university, family and business below  Hiding bad feelings in communication in university by American females vs males A quick look at Chart 12 reveals that there is no great difference in strategies of hiding bad feelings in communication in university between American and Vietnamese informants as seen from gender perspective However, there is a slightly change in American informants’ choice that is Vietnamese subjects used strategy the most, but American informants employed strategy ‚tell a white lie‛ the most American males tend to use this strategy a little bit more often than American females (40% : 36.7%) 35 40 40 P e r c e n t a g e 36.7 35 30 26.7 25 25 25 Female Male 20 15 13.3 10 10 0 1.7 5 3.3 0 1.7 1.7 Stra Stra Stra Stra Stra Stra Stra Stra Stra Chart 12: Different strategies of hiding bad feelings used in communication in university by American females vs males The strategy was followed by strategy ‚self-comfort‛ which is used more frequently by females than males with the percentages of 26.7% and 25% Strategy ‚use vague or neutral responses‛ ranks third with the rates of 13.3% and 25% for females and males respectively Apart from ‚self-comfort‛, two categories, namely ‚self-abasement‛ and ‚wash-back request‛ are the ones which have the number of American females more than males (10% : 1.7% & 5% : 1.7% respectively) These results are easy to understand due to the characteristics of each gender American females and males seem to be frank in university with an equal choice in ‚flat refusal‛ with the rate of 5% as an illustration Chart 12 also reveals that no American females used ‚try to find one aspect of the item being asked about to compliment‛, compared with 1.7% of American males On the contrary, 3.3% American females ‚give some excuse‛, while males used none Another result shown in this chart is that the category ‚find one positive aspect of a person to compliment‛ is not found in hiding bad feelings in university The reason might be it is not suitable to the designed situations in the questionnaires 36  Hiding bad feelings in communication in family by American females vs males At a glance, there is a significant difference in hiding bad feelings in communication in family between American and Vietnamese informants as seen from gender perspective When American informants tend to use variety of strategies to hide their bad emotions in family, Vietnamese subjects seem to use less 70 P e r c e n t a g e 67.5 60 50 40 30 40 Female Male 25 20 10 15 7.5 0 2.5 0 2.5 0 17.5 2.5 Stra Stra Stra Stra Stra Stra Stra Stra Stra Chart 13: Different strategies of hiding bad feelings used in communication in family by American females vs males Like Vietnamese participants, both American females and males used strategy ‚use vague or neutral responses‛ the most; however, the proportions between them are unevenly 40% is females and 67.5% is males This is two times as much as the next strategy, which is for ‚try to find one aspect of the item being asked about to compliment‛ However, the number of American females is three times higher than that of American males The use of the strategy ‚use vague or neutral responses‛ not ‚try to find one aspect of the item being asked about to compliment‛ to hide bad feelings seems to come from American males’ personality, which is less open to express compliments The strategy ‚tell a white lie‛ ranks third with the percentage of American males 2.5% higher than females It is apparent from Chart 13 that only American males employed such 37 strategies as ‚give some excuse‛, ‚flat refusal‛ and ‚wash-back request‛ with the rate of 2.5% each, while females used none Also, no informants used strategies 3, and in family  Hiding bad feelings in communication in business by American females vs males It is clear that American informants used less strategies of hiding bad feelings in communication in business than in communication in university and family In conversations in business, only four strategies are found, compared to eight strategies in university and six in family This can be explained by some American informants that is they are quite frank at work and that they rarely tell a white lie in business, therefore they often expose their true feelings 50 50 50 45 P e r c e n t a g e 40 35 30 30 27.5 Female Male 25 20 15 12.5 12.5 10 0 0 10 7.5 0 0 0 Stra Stra Stra Stra Stra Stra Stra Stra Stra Chart 14: Different strategies of hiding bad feelings used in communication in business by American females vs males Descriptively, the results stored in Chart 14 above show three interesting patterns First, both American males and females employed strategy ‚find one positive aspect of a person to compliment‛ the most to hide their bad feelings in day to day conversations in business The balance in this strategy is seen with 50% for each group 38 Second, while American males prefer strategy ‚self-abasement‛ as a rare choice with only 12.5%, compared to 27.5% of American females, American females considered strategy ‚flat refusal‛ an unfavorable choice with the same percentage of 12.5%, two times less than that of American males Besides ‚self-abasement‛, ‚self-comfort‛ is also preferred more by females than males (10% : 7.5%) These statistics seem to be relevant to the characteristics of each gender group The third result pattern indicates that no number is found in the areas of strategies 1, 2, 4, 8, The reasons why American informants avoided talking about the new colleague might be related to their culture To American subjects, there are certain topics that are common to talk about in casual business situations Feel free to talk about the rich, sports, entertainment like movies, music, celebrities and books, and current events or business trends Try to keep things general and not too personal The strategy ‚find one positive aspect of a person to compliment‛ is one proper way to give comments on other people, therefore, it is used the most Different purposes of American males and females in hiding bad feelings Again, the analysis of purposes can help us understand better the ways of hiding bad feelings between American males and females The comparison between Chart 15 and Chart shows that American females and Vietnamese females have different ways to conceal their feelings, and the same result is also found in the American males and Vietnamese males As shown in Chart 15 above, the statistic result shows that American males hide their bad feelings in order to ‚be polite‛ the most with more than 35%, while with American females ‚to avoid hurting a person’s feelings‛ is the main purpose (21.3%) ‚To prevent other people’s embarrassment‛ and ‚to be polite‛ ranks second for American males and females with the percentages of 21.6% and 19.2% respectively 39 40 P e r c e n t a g e 35 35.1 30 25 20 21.6 19.2 17 21.3 12.8 15 13.5 16.2 14.9 Male Female 8.5 10 2.7 5.4 4.3 2.7 2.7 2.1 1st Pur 2nd Pur 3rd Pur 4th Pur 5th Pur 6th Pur 7th Pur 8th Pur 0 9th Pur Chart 15: Different purposes of American males and females in hiding bad feelings Moreover, American males rarely conceal their negative emotions in order ‚to prevent yourself from being embarrassed‛, ‚to get yourself out of troubles‛ and ‚not to shock or surprise others‛ The proportions of these purposes, therefore, are rather low with 2.7% each Different bad feelings hidden by American males and females It is undeniable that like Vietnamese subjects, American subjects employed different strategies with different bad feelings It means that emotions play a significant role in choosing the appropriate ways to divert their true feelings The results in Chart 16 indicate that while Vietnamese informants tend to conceal ‚discomfort‛ the most, American informants regarded ‚disagreement‛ as the worst feeling which should not be revealed to other people Although males are always seen franker than females, but the data stored in Chart 16 shows amazing results that American males preferred not exposing ‚disagreement‛, ‚anger‛, ‚sadness‛, ‚doubtfulness‛, ‚boredom‛ and ‚discomfort‛ to females with the rates of 25% : 15.6%, 22.5% : 11.1%, 2.5% : 2.2%, 2.5% : 2.2%, 7.5% : 4.4% and 12.5% : 11.1% respectively 40 Male 25 Female 25 22.5 P e r c e n t a g e 20 17.8 15.6 15 13.3 11.1 10 10 10 12.5 11.1 11.1 11.1 7.5 5 2.5 4.4 2.52.2 2.5 2.2 0 1st F 2nd F 3rd F 4th F 5th F 6th F 7th F 8th F 9th F 10th F 11th F Chart 16: Different bad feelings hidden by American males and females On the contrary, American females tend to conceal such bad feelings as ‚fear‛, ‚annoyance‛, ‚shyness‛, and ‚nervousness‛ more often than American males The most considerable rate is seen in ‚fear‛ column with six times higher than males This finding seems to be appropriate to the character of females, that is they are rather modest, humble and gentle 41 Part 3: Conclusion Summary In a nutshell, when socio-cultural norms from one culture are brought to bear on another, the result can sometimes be offence The overall findings of this study reveal significant differences in hiding bad feelings by American and Vietnamese subjects It confirms previous findings that language and culture are closely related However, the study brings up two interesting points The first is the answer for the question of ‚What are ways to express different polite strategies to hide bad feelings in American English and Vietnamese?‛ The second is the answer for the question of ‚Does gender difference affect the ways of hiding bad feelings of American and Vietnamese?‛ For the former question, the results show that four strategies of hiding bad feelings, namely, ‚try to find one aspect of the item being asked about to compliment‛, ‚give some excuse‛, ‚flat refusal‛, and ‚self-comfort‛, were used by Vietnamese subjects in this study more fluently than American ones However, the strategies ‚use vague or neutral responses‛, ‚find one positive aspect of a person to compliment‛, ‚self-abasement‛, ‚tell a white lie‛, and ‚wash-back request‛ were employed by American informants more often than Vietnamese ones Nonetheless, these strategies are employed variously in different situations In university, American informants tended to use ‚tell a white lie‛ the most, while the most common strategy used by Vietnamese subjects is ‚self-comfort‛ Additionally, in family, ‚use vague or neutral responses‛ is used the most by both American and Vietnamese subjects Also, ‚find one positive aspect of a person to compliment‛ is found with the highest proportion to both American and Vietnamese subjects in conversations in business However, the percentages are different for each group For the latter question, the statistic results indicate that the responses given by females are well related to those given by males, suggesting that gender does play a significant role in hiding bad feelings In communication in university, both Vietnamese males and females ticked ‚self-comfort‛ as the best choice; however, the percentage of this strategy is slightly higher in males’ column than females’ Differently, American informants employed 42 strategy ‚tell a white lie‛ the most The proportion in males’ column is also found higher than females’ column In family, two strategies with the most frequent use, namely, ‚use vague or neutral responses‛, and ‚try to find one aspect of the item being asked about to compliment‛ are more preferable by Vietnamese females to males Different from Vietnamese informants, the column of ‚use vague or neutral responses‛ is found higher in American males than females In communication in business, the informants of both two ethnic groups employed ‚find one positive aspect of a person to compliment‛ the most; however, the rates are various The proportion in Vietnamese females’ column is slightly higher than Vietnamese males’ column, but there is an equal choice between American females and American males Some suggestions for successful communication It is undeniable that honesty is generally thought to be a good quality of human beings, but brutal honesty can be used as a toxic weapon We are not obligated to tell the whole truth if it hurts someone’s feelings Some would be tempted to say that if we want people to stay with us, we ought to give them a good feeling, or at least avoid giving them a bad one As mentioned above, there are many reasons for hiding negative feelings such as to be polite, to prevent other people’s embarrassment, to prevent yourself from being embarrassed, to get yourself out of troubles, not to shock or surprise others, to avoid giving away information about a third person, to avoid hurting a person’s feelings, to minimize disagreement, to hide one’s true feelings, etc Among these reasons, the last three reasons may be the main ones for hiding bad feelings which should be paid attention, therefore, the author only focus on giving suggestions to solve these three main causes of communication break-out  Avoid hurting a person’s feelings A lot of times, because we are well meaning, we may accidentally negate the other person's feelings, and then end up surprised when the other person gets upset with us For example, "inappropriate reassurance" can be problematic in this respect Let's say you have a friend 43 who is upset about being dumped by his girlfriend He talks to you about how painful it is, and you pull out: "You'll find someone else." It is probably true It's also true there are "a lot of fish in the sea", and "you'll get over it", and even, "time heals all wounds", but all of those not validate the poor fellow's feelings now He's not feeling positive now He's not an idiot and knows there's a lot of fish in the sea, but he's not there, yet Thus, in this case it is better to find another response to avoid hurting your friend: ‚Let it be, I’m sure you’ll find a better girlfriend!‛ or ‚Forget it She does not deserve you!‛  Minimize disagreement Conversation analysts have shown that speakers prefer agreement in conversation and minimize signs of disagreement Speakers may avoid the appearance of disagreement by using token agreements like ‚Yes, but‛; they may express doubt about their own opinion, ‚I’m not sure‛; or they may use hedges like ‚almost‛, ‚like‛ or ‚sort of‛ They may also distance other-repair by personalizing it as in ‚In my opinion‛ or ‚I kind of think‛ or by expressing distaste or self-deprecation for their own position as in ‚I hate to say it‛ or ‚I could be just me‛, etc (cited on http://cobweb2.louisville.edu/faculty/regbruce/bruce//mgmtwebs/commun_f98/Verbal.htm ) For instance, you and your male colleague are discussing the new director He says: ‚I think John would make a great director‛ Although you have another idea, you try to minimize your disagreement with him by using token agreement: ‚Yes, but I think John has to make a great effort‛  Hide one’s true feelings For example, when your friend has just bought a new pair of shoes, she really likes it and asks you your opinion on them You don’t like them because of its old-fashioned model, but you can not speak frankly that as it may bore your friend Her expected answer is your compliment on that pair of shoes, so in this case the best way is to hide your true feeling in order to avoid upsetting her by giving a response like ‚Oh, it is great!‛/ ‚It’s very nice!‛/ ‚It’s quite unusual, and the pattern’s very interesting, too.‛ 44 Suggestions for further study Due to the limited amount of data and range of participants, generalizing the ways of hiding bad feelings to all American and Vietnamese people in day-to-day conversations is far from perfect Furthermore, the scope of the present study is narrow A more extensive study which includes forms and functions of hiding bad feelings in interactions would be useful ... verbal hiding bad feelings in terms of marital status 18 Table 4: Frequency of verbal hiding bad feelings in terms of living area 19 Table 5: Frequency of verbal hiding bad feelings in terms... verbal hiding bad feelings in terms of language acquisition 20 Chart 1: Different strategies used by American and Vietnamese in hiding bad feelings 21 Chart 2: Different strategies of hiding bad. .. communication, and culture 1.2 Hiding bad feelings used as a face saving act 1.3 Previous researches on subject matters related to hiding feelings Chapter 2: Verbal communication and hiding bad feelings includes