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Purchase access online at www.ichapters.com Enhanced eBook The eBook features advanced study tools such as a hypertext index, easy navigation, highlighting, and annotation in a vibrant web-based format and faster searching in an eBook platform QUICK REFERENCE GUIDE READINGS The Silencing Social Networking, Survival, and Healing 19 Cipher in the Snow 50 Todd Epaloose: A Native American Perspective on Emotional Expression 127 Zarina Kolah: Training Non-Native Customer Service Reps 188 Alter Egos in a Virtual World 71 Annie Donnellon: Blindness and Nonverbal Cues 219 Simulating Age 85 94 Bonnie Motsch: Learning to Listen in Prison 241 I’m Not Who You Think I Am 104 Matt DeLanoy: Stuttering and Relationship Building 278 My First Flame 133 The Many Meanings of “I Love You” 163 On Naming Baby 171 Lexie Lopez-Mayo: Culture, Gender, and SelfDisclosure 313 Bitching It Out (Out with Bitching) 175 Abdel Jalil Elayyadi: Promoting Understanding after 9/11 354 Computer Program Detects Author Gender 184 Marilynn Jorgensen: Conflict and Cultural Style 397 Language and Heritage 191 Proposed Smirking Ban Raises Eyebrows 203 Safeway Clerks Object to “Service with a Smile” Policy 208 Proceed with Caution if Using Hand Signals 209 The Look of a Victim 218 The Way You Talk Can Hurt You? 222 Meetings Going “Topless” 248 Let Mourners Grieve 257 They Aid Customers by Becoming Good Listeners 262 A Geek Love Story 274 Technology and Indian Marriage: A Match Made in Heaven 288 IN REAL LIFE TRANSCRIPTS Perception Checking in Everyday Life 106 The Pillow Method in Action 114 Guidelines for Emotional Expression 140 Rational Thinking in Action 153 “I” and “You” Language on the Job 180 Recognizing Nonverbal Cues 215 Paraphrasing on the Job 252 Content and Relational Messages 297 Appropriate and Inappropriate Self-Disclosure 324 The Assertive Message Format 361 Responding Nondefensively to Criticism 368 Win-Win Problem Solving 404 Friends With Benefits, and Stress Too 306 ETHICAL CHALLENGES Lonely Gay Teen Seeking Same 311 Martin Buber’s I and Thou 23 Secret Website Gets a Million Hits a Week 319 Is Misleading Your Spouse Fraud or Tact? 329 Are We Our Brother’s Keeper? Moral Rules Theory 63 How to Argue Effectively 353 Empathy and the Golden Rule 111 Aristotle’s Golden Mean 139 LOOKING AT DIVERSITY PROFILES Unconditional Positive Regard 263 Daria Muse: Competent Communication in Suburbia and the Inner City 28 Must We Always Tell the Truth? 332 Kim Dugan: Multiple Identities 67 Nonviolence: A Legacy of Principled Effectiveness 366 Christa Kilvington: Socioeconomic Stereotyping 88 Dirty Fighting with Crazymakers 386 INVITATIONS TO INSIGHT Self-Disclosure Test for Couples 316 Comparing and Contrasting Communication Models 13 Building a Johari Window 317 How Networked Are You? 20 Evaluating Communication Climates 347 How Personal Are Your Relationships? 24 How Critical Are You? 355 Assessing Your Communication Skills 26 Defensiveness Feedback 356 Take Away 41 Your Conflict Style 390 Your Self-Esteem 43 Understanding Conflict Styles 392 Your Personality Profile 45 Your Conflict Rituals 394 “Ego Boosters” and “Ego Busters” 46 PostSecret 320 Recognizing Your Strengths 52 SKILL BUILDERS Your Many Identities 66 Stages in Learning Communication Skills 30 Self-Monitoring Inventory 69 Check Your Competence 31 Your Perceptual Filters 85 Reevaluating Your “Can’ts” 62 Exploring Your Biases 88 Punctuation Practice 90 New Body, New Perspective 95 Perception Checking Practice 108 Role Reversal 99 Pillow Talk 112 Recognizing Your Emotions 125 Feelings and Phrases 138 Measuring Your EQ 131 Rational Thinking 154 Expanding Your Emotional Vocabulary 136 Down-to-Earth Language 166 Talking to Yourself 144 Practicing “I” Language 182 How Irrational Are You? 150 Paraphrasing Practice 254 Avoiding Troublesome Language 165 Appropriate Self-Disclosure 323 Your Linguistic Rules 169 Behaviors and Interpretations 357 Conjugating “Irregular Verbs” 176 Name the Feeling 358 Exploring Gender Differences in Communication 187 Putting Your Message Together 362 Coping with Criticism 371 High- and Low-Context Communication 190 Reading “Body Language” 209 ON THE JOB BOXES Gestures Around the World 213 Communication and Career Success The Rules of Touch 224 Self-Fulfilling Prophecies in the Workplace 59 Distance Makes a Difference 226 Changing Roles, Changing Perceptions 100 Listening Breakdowns 242 Emotion Labor in the Workplace 130 Speaking and Listening with a “Talking Stick” 246 Strategic Ambiguity 164 When Advising Does and Doesn’t Work 259 Nonverbal Communication in Job Interviews 216 What Would You Say? 260 Listening in the Workplace 238 Your Relational Stage 283 Your Dialectical Tensions 287 Memorable Messages: Initiating Company Newcomers 280 Maintaining Your Relationships 290 Romance in the Workplace 312 Your Relational Transgressions 292 Communication Climate and Job Satisfaction 340 Your IQ (Intimacy Quotient) 309 Leaving on a Good Note 388 This page intentionally left blank Thirteenth Edition Looking OUT lookingIN Ronald B Adler SANTA BARBARA CITY COLLEGE Russell F Proctor II NORTHERN KENTUCKY UNIVERSITY Australia • Brazil • Japan • Korea • Mexico • Singapore • Spain • United Kingdom • United States Looking Out/Looking In, Thirteenth Edition Ronald B Adler, Russell F Proctor II Senior Publisher: Lyn Uhl Executive Editor: Monica Eckman Senior Development Editor: Greer Lleuad Assistant Editor: Rebekah Matthews © 2011, 2007, 2005 Wadsworth, Cengage Learning ALL RIGHTS RESERVED No part of this work covered by the copyright herein may be reproduced, transmitted, stored or used in any form or by any means graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including but not limited to photocopying, recording, scanning, digitizing, taping, Web distribution, information networks, or information storage and retrieval systems, except as permitted under Section 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act, without the prior written permission of the publisher Editorial Assistant: Colin Solan Media Editor: Jessica Badiner Marketing Manager: Bryant Chrzan Marketing Coordinator: Darlene Macanan Marketing Communications Manager: Christine Dobberpuhl Senior Content Project Manager: Michael Lepera For product information and technology assistance, contact us at Cengage Learning Customer & Sales Support, 1-800-354-9706 For permission to use material from this text or product, submit all requests online at www.cengage.com/permissions Further permissions questions can be emailed to permissionrequest@cengage.com Library of Congress Control Number: 2009936691 ISBN-13: 978-0-495-79621-3 Art Director: Linda Helcher Art Director, Interior: Jill Haber Atkins Print Buyer: Justin Palmeiro Permissions Editor: Bob Kauser Production Service/Compositor: Lachina Publishing Services Text Designer: Yvo Riezebos, Riezebos Holzbaur Design Group Photo Selection: Sherri Adler Photo Manager: Robyn Young Cover Designer: Riezebos Holzbaur Design Group Printed in the United States of America 13 12 11 10 09 ISBN-10: 0-495-79621-2 Wadsworth 20 Channel Center Street Boston, MA 02210 USA Cengage Learning is a leading provider of customized learning solutions with office locations around the globe, including Singapore, the United Kingdom, Australia, Mexico, Brazil, and Japan Locate your local office at: international.cengage.com/region Cengage Learning products are represented in Canada by Nelson Education, Ltd For your course and learning solutions, visit www.cengage.com Purchase any of our products at your local college store or at our preferred online store www.ichapters.com To Neil Towne, whose legacy endures in these pages BRIEF CONTENTS Preface ix CHAPTER SEVEN About the Authors Listening: More Than Meets the Ear CHAPTER ONE Part III Looking At Relational Dynamics A First Look at Interpersonal Communication Part I Looking In 234 CHAPTER EIGHT Communication and Relational Dynamics 268 CHAPTER TWO Communication and Identity: Creating and Presenting the Self 38 CHAPTER THREE Perception: What You See Is What You Get 80 CHAPTER NINE Intimacy and Distance in Relational Communication 302 CHAPTER TEN Improving Communication Climates 338 CHAPTER FOUR Emotions: Feeling, Thinking, and Communicating 120 Part II Looking Out Managing Interpersonal Conflicts 376 Endnotes 410 CHAPTER FIVE Feature Box Notes 441 Language: Barrier and Bridge 158 Glossary 443 CHAPTER SIX Nonverbal Communication: Messages beyond Words 198 iv CHAPTER ELEVEN Brief Contents Credits 449 Name Index 451 Subject Index 453 CONTENTS Preface ix About the Authors CHAPTER ONE A FIRST LOOK AT INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION Why We Communicate Physical Needs Identity Needs Social Needs Practical Goals The Process of Communication A Linear View A Transactional View 10 Communication Principles and Misconceptions 13 Communication Principles 13 Communication Misconceptions 15 The Nature of Interpersonal Communication 16 Two Views of Interpersonal Communication 17 Mediated Interpersonal Communication 18 Personal and Impersonal Communication: A Matter of Balance 22 What Makes an Effective Communicator? 25 Communication Competence Defined 25 Characteristics of Competent Communicators 27 Competence in Intercultural Communication 32 Making the Grade 34 Part I Looking In CHAPTER TWO COMMUNICATION AND IDENTITY: CREATING AND PRESENTING THE SELF 38 Communication and the Self 40 Self-Concept and Self-Esteem 40 Biological and Social Roots of the Self 43 Characteristics of the Self-Concept 49 Culture, Gender, and Identity 54 The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy and Communication 57 Changing Your Self-Concept 60 Presenting the Self: Communication as Identity Management 62 Public and Private Selves 62 Characteristics of Identity Management 65 Why Manage Identities? 70 How Do We Manage Identities? 70 Identity Management and Honesty 74 Making the Grade 75 CHAPTER THREE PERCEPTION: WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET 80 The Perception Process 83 Selection 83 Organization 84 Interpretation 90 Negotiation 92 Influences on Perception 93 Physiological Influences 93 Cultural Differences 96 Social Roles 98 Common Tendencies in Perception 101 We Judge Ourselves More Charitably Than Others 101 We Cling to First Impressions 102 We Assume That Others Are Similar to Us 102 We Are Influenced by the Obvious 103 Perception Checking 103 Contents v Sapir-Whorf hypothesis Theory of linguistic relativity in which language shapes a culture’s perceived reality See also linguistic relativism stage-hogging A listening style in which the receiver is more concerned with making his or her own point than in understanding the speaker selection The first stage in the perception process in which some data are chosen to attend to and others to ignore stagnating A stage of relational deterioration characterized by declining enthusiasm and by standardized forms of behavior selective listening A listening style in which the receiver responds only to messages that interest him or her static evaluation The tendency to view people or relationships as unchanging self-concept The relatively stable set of perceptions each individual holds of himself or herself self-disclosure The process of deliberately revealing information about oneself that is significant and that would not normally be known by others self-esteem The part of the self-concept that involves an individual’s evaluations of his or her self-worth self-fulfilling prophecy An expectation of an event, followed by behaviors based on that expectation, that makes the outcome more likely to occur than would have been the case otherwise self-monitoring The process of attending to one’s behavior and using these observations to shape the way one behaves self-serving bias The tendency to interpret and explain information in a way that casts the perceiver in the most favorable manner self-talk The nonvocal process of thinking, sometimes referred to as intrapersonal communication semantic rules Rules that govern the meaning of language, as opposed to its structure See also syntactic rules sender The creator of a message significant others People whose opinion is important enough to affect one’s self-concept strongly sincere questions Attempts to elicit information that enable the asker to understand the other person See also counterfeit questions social comparison Evaluation of oneself in terms of or by comparison to others social distance One of Hall’s distance zones, ranging from to 12 feet social penetration A model that describes relationships in terms of their breadth and depth spiral A reciprocal communication pattern in which each person’s message reinforces the other’s See also de-escalatory conflict spiral, escalatory conflict spiral spontaneity A supportive communication behavior described by Gibb in which the sender expresses a message without any attempt to manipulate the receiver 448 Glossary stereotyping Categorizing individuals according to a set of characteristics assumed to belong to all members of a group strategy A defense-arousing style of communication described by Gibb in which the sender tries to manipulate or deceive a receiver substituting Nonverbal behavior that takes the place of a verbal message superiority A defense-arousing style of communication described by Gibb in which the sender states or implies that the receiver is not worthy of respect supporting A listening response that demonstrates solidarity with a speaker’s situation symmetrical conflict style A relational conflict style in which both partners use the same tactics sympathy Compassion for another’s situation See also empathy syntactic rules Rules that govern the ways symbols can be arranged, as opposed to the meanings of those symbols See also semantic rules tangential response A disconfirming response that uses the speaker’s remark as a starting point for a shift to a new topic terminating The concluding stage of relational deterioration, characterized by the acknowledgement of one or both parties that the relationship is over territory A individual stationary area claimed by an transactional communication model A characterization of communication as the simultaneous sending and receiving of messages in an ongoing, irreversible process understanding Occurs when sense is made of a message “we” language Statement that implies that the issue is the concern and responsibility of both the speaker and receiver of a message See also “I” language, “you” language “you” language A statement that expresses or implies a judgment of the other person See also “I” language CREDITS CHAPTER Pg 4: From “The Silencing.” Newsweek, June 18, 1973, p 42 Copyright © 1973 Newsweek, Inc All rights reserved Reprinted by permission Pg 19: From Brad K., “Social Networking, Survival, and Healing.” Used by permission of the author CHAPTER Pg 69: From Mark Snyder, “The Many Me’s of the Self-Monitor,” Psychology Today (March 1983): 34 Reprinted with permission from Psychology Today Magazine, Copyright © 1983 Sussex Publishers, Inc Pg 71: Ketzel Levine, “Alter Egos in a Virtual World,” July 31, 2007, National Public Radio www.npr.org/ templates/story/story.php?storyId=12263532 Pg 74: “Complicated” words and music by Lauren Christy, Graham Edwards, Scott Spock, and Avril LaVigne Copyright © 2002 Warner-Tamerlane Publishing Corp., Primary Wave Tunes, WB Music Corp., Primary Wave Songs, Almo Music Corp and Avril LaVigne Publishing Ltd All rights on behalf of itself and Primary Wave Tunes administered by WarnerTamerlane Publishing Corp All rights on behalf of itself and Primary Wave Songs administered by WB Music Corp All rights reserved CHAPTER Pg 89: “The Magic Wand” by Lynn Manning Reprinted by permission of the author Pg 94: From New York Times, “Fast-Forwarding to Age 85, With Lessons on Offering Better Care for Elderly,” National Section, 8/3/2008 Issue, pg A22 (c) 2008 The New York Times All rights reserved Used by permission and protected by the Copyright Laws of the United States The printing, copying, redistribution, or retransmission of the Material without express written permission is prohibited Pg 104: Newsweek, “I’m Not Who You Think I Am,” Carol Paik, 2/18/08 Copyright © 2008 Newsweek, Inc All rights reserved Reprinted by permission CHAPTER Pg 143: “Emotion,” words and music by Barry Gibb and Robin Gibb, (c) 1977 (Renewed) Crompton Songs LLC and Gibb Brothers Music All rights for Crompton Songs LLC Administered by WarnerTamerlane Publishing Corp All rights reserved Used by permission CHAPTER Pg 163: From Conversation and Communication by J A M Meerloo, p 83 Copyright © 1993 by International Universities Press, Inc Reprinted by permission Pg 163: “What Kind of Gone?” by Chris Cagle, 2007/2008, Capitol Records, © Dixie Stars Music (ASCAP), © Sounds Of R P M Pg 177: “Bitching It Out (Out with Bitching)” by Alice Stanley Copyright © 2009, Alice Stanley This article originally appeared in The Bygone Bureau, http://bygonebureau.com Reprinted by permission of the author CHAPTER Pg 202: Lyrics to “When You Say Nothing at All,” sung by Alison Krauss Don Schlitz & Paul Overstreet/ MCA music, Inc., Don Schlitz Music, ASCAP, Scarlet Moon, BMI Pg 205: “Nothing” from Love Poems for the Very Married by Lois Wyse Copyright © 1967 by Lois Wyse, renewed 1995 by Lois Wyse Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers Pg 206: Poem “Flags” from Even As We Speak by Ric Masten Copyright (c) Sunflower Ink, Palo Colorado Road, Carmel, CA 93923 Reprinted with permission Pg 212 Table 6.4: From Interracial Communication Theory into Practice (with InfoTrac College Edition), 1st ed., by M P Orbe and T M Harris Wadsworth, 2001 ©2001 by Mark Orbe Pg 218: From Introduction to Nonverbal Communication by L Malandro and L Baker, p 112–113 Copyright © 1982 Used by permission of The McGrawHill Companies Pg 219: “Blindness and Nonverbal Cues” by Annie Donnellon Used with permission of author Pg 227: “Prologue: The Birth of Architecture” copyright © 1976 by Edward Mendelson, William Meredith and Monro K Spears, Executors of the Estate of W.H Auden, from Collected Poems by W.H Auden Used by permission of Random House, Inc Credits 449 CHAPTER Group (Canada), a division of Pearson Penguin Canada Inc Pg 236: Poem “Conversations” from Dragonflies, Codfish & Frogs by Ric Masten Copyright (c) Sunflower Ink, Palo Colorado Road, Carmel, CA 93923 Reprinted with permission CHAPTER Pg 236 Figure 7.1: “How College Students Spend Their Time Communicating,” R Emanuel, J Adams, K Baker, E K Daufin, C Ellington, E Fitts, J Himsel, L Holladay, & D Okeowo, International Journal of Listening, 22, pp 13–28 Taylor & Francis, 2008, reprinted by permission of Taylor & Francis Group, http://www.informaworld.com Pg 241: “Learning to Listen in Prison” by Bonnie Motsch Used with permission of author Pg 248: Los Angeles Times, “Silicon Valley Meetings Go ‘Topless,’ ” Business section, 3/31/08, http://articles latimes.com/2008/mar/31/business/fi-nolaptops31 Pg 250: From Communication: The Transfer of Meaning by Don Fabun Used by permission of Allyn and Bacon, Boston, MA Pg 257: Newsweek, “ ‘I’m Sorry’ Shouldn’t Be the Hardest Words,” May 28, 2007, p 20 Copyright © 2007 Newsweek, Inc All rights reserved Reprinted by permission Pg 263: From “They Learn to Aid Their Customers by Becoming Good Listeners” by Beth Mohr From the San Diego Union © 1976 Reprinted with permission CHAPTER Pg 274: Newsweek.com, “A Geek Love Story,” by Jessica Bennett, 4/14/09 Copyright © 2009 Newsweek, Inc All rights reserved Reprinted by permission Pg 276 Figure 8.1: From Mark L Knapp & Anita L Vengelisti, Interpersonal Communication and Human Relationships, 2nd ed Published by Allyn and Bacon, Boston, MA Copyright © 1992 by Pearson Education Adapted by permission of the publisher Pg 288: From “Technology and Indian Marriage in India: A Match Made in Heaven,” Economist, Oct 22, 2005, p 70 Reprinted by permission Pg 290 Table 8.1: “Mutuality and the communication of commitment in romantic relationships,” Weigel, D J., Southern Communication Journal, 73, pp 24–41 Taylor & Francis, 2008, reprinted by permission of Taylor & Francis Group, http://www.informa world.com Pg 297: From The Accidental Tourist by Anne Tyler Copyright © 1995 by Anne Tyler Modarressi Used by permission of Alfred A Knopf, a division of Random House, Inc Used in Canada by permission of Penguin 450 Credits Pg 306: From The New York Times, Health section, “Friends with Benefits, and Stress Too,” Benedict Carey, October 2, 2007 Copyright (c) 2007 The New York Times All rights reserved Used by permission and protected by the Copyright Laws of the United States The printing, copying, redistribution, or retransmission of the material without express written permission is prohibited Pg 309: “Culture, Gender, and Self-Disclosure” by Lexie Lopez-Mayo Used with permission of author Pg 311: “Lonely Gay Teen Seeking Same” by Jennifer Egan, New York Times Magazine, Dec 10, 2000 Copyright © 2000 by the New York Times Co Reprinted by permission Pg 318: Poem “Looking Out/Looking In” from Stark Naked by Ric Masten Copyright (c) Sunflower Ink, Palo Colorado Road, Carmel, CA 93923 Reprinted with permission Pg 319: Boston Globe, “Secret Website Gets a Million Hits a Week,” Courtney R Brooks, October 23, 2007 Copyright (c) 2007 The Boston Globe All rights reserved Reproduced by permission Pg 329: From “Is Midleading Your Spouse Fraud or Tact” by Maria Cone, Los Angeles Times, April 11, 1993 Reprinted by permission of Tribune Media Services CHAPTER 10 Pg 342: “Fire and Ice” from The Poetry of Robert Frost edited by Edward Connery Lathem Copyright © 1923, 1969 by Henry Holt and Company, copyright © 1951 by Robert Frost Reprinted by permission of Henry Holt and Company, LLC Pg 353: From “How to Argue Effectively” by Dave Barry Dave Barry is a syndicated humor columnist with The Miami Herald Used with permission CHAPTER 11 Pg 397: Essay: “Conflict and Cultural Style,” Marilynn Jorgensen Used with permission of author Pg 402 Figure 11.2: Copyright (c) 1990 Adapted from “Teaching and Learning Skills of Interpersonal Confrontation” by Rory Remer and Paul deMesquita, in Intimates in Conflict: A Communication Perspective edited by Cahn, p 227 Reproduced by permission of Taylor and Francis Group, LLC, a division of Informa plc NAME INDEX Note: page references followed by f refer to figures A Altman, Irwin, 314 Anderson, Terry, Angelou, Maya, 26 Aristotle, 137, 139 Askew, Ronald and Bonnette, 329 Auden, W H., 6, 227 B Bach, George, 386 Baldwin, James, 380 Ball, Philip, 184 Balsam, Laura, 21 Barker, Larry, 218 Barry, Dave, 285, 352, 353 Battista, O A., 365 Baumeister, Roy, 310 Beck, Aaron, 147 Benchley, Robert, 147 Bennett, Jessica, 274 Bennett, Milton, 111 Beyoncé, 56f Bierce, Ambrose, 138, 243 Bleiberg, Aaron, 52 Bok, Sissela, 332 Bradley, Bill, 309 Branden, Nathaniel, 40 Brooks, Courtney R., 319 Brothers, Joyce, 237 Buber, Martin, 23 Burgoon, Judee, 206–7 Burke, Kenneth, 100 C Cagle, Chris, 163 Cameron, Paul, 244 Camus, Albert, 355 Carey, Benedict, 306 Carrey, Jim, 146f Catrell, Vian, 379 Cisneros, Sandra, 191 Cone, Maria, 329 Conville, Richard, 287 Cooley, Charles, 45 Crane, Stephen, 147 D H Darwin, Charles, 213 DeGraw, Gavin, 65f DeLanoy, Matt, 278 Dickinson, Emily, 331 Donnellon, Annie, 219 Dugan, Kim, 67 Hall, Edward, 96, 189, 211, 227 Hawkins, Paul, 274 Hinds, Jess Decourcy, 257 Hocker, Joyce, 378 Hoffer, Eric, 84 Howard, David, 162 Hurka, Thomas, 222 E I Egan, Jennifer, 311 Elayyadi, Abdel Jalil, 354 Elizabeth II, Queen, 223f Ellis, Albert, 144 Emerson, Ralph Waldo, 200 Epaloose, Todd, 127 Escher, M C., 82 Evans, Cliff, 50–51 Infante, Dominic, 384 Ingham, Harry, 316 Iyer, Pico, 54 F Fabian, Karina L., 171 Fadiman, Anne, 97 Fisher, Helen, 329 Fitzgerald, F Scott, 112 Fitzpatrick, Mary Ann, 392 Forster, E M., 221 Franklin, Benjamin, 367 Frost, Robert, 343 G Gandhi, Mahatma, 366 Garrison, William Lloyd, 366 Gergen, Kenneth, 18 Gibb, Jack, 349–55 Gibran, Kahlil, 250, 284 Glasure, Becky, 71, 71f Goffman, Erving, 65 Goldstein, Lenni Shender, 47 Goldwyn, Sam, 201 Goleman, Daniel, 109, 122, 340 Gordon, Thomas, 401 Gottman, John, 122, 344, 346 Gray, Paul, 327 Greene, Graham, 211 Guynn, Jessica, 248 J Jackson, W Carl, Jacobson, Lenore, 58 James, William, 83 Jobs, Steve, 21 Jorgensen, Marilynn, 397 K Kant, Immanuel, 332 Kelley, Douglas, 293 Kennedy, John F., 387 Kilvington, Christa, 88 King, Martin Luther, Jr., 366 King, Stephen W., 101 Kleinberg, Judy, 203 Kline, Nancy, 244–45 Knapp, Mark, 228, 276, 282 Kolah, Zarina, 188 Koppel, Moshe, 184 Koske, Regina, 171 Krauss, Alison, 202 L LaGuardia, Fiorello, 210–11 Langer, Ellen, 238 Lao Tzu, 363 Laurie, Hugh, 25f Lavigne, Avril, 74 Leland, John, 94 Leubling, Harry, 52 Levine, Ketzel, 71 Levine, Tim, 206–7 Name Index 451 Lewin, Kurt, 310 Lillie, Rhonda, 274 Lopez-Mayo, Lexie, 313 Luft, Joseph, 316 M MacMasters, Dan, 229 Malament, Tina, 319 Malandro, Loretta, 218 Manning, Lynn, 88 Marx, Groucho, 273 Maslow, Abraham, 8–9 Masten, Ric, 206, 236, 318 Matsuzaka, Daisuke, 211 Mayer, John, 321 McCain, John, Meerloo, J A M., 163 Mehrabian, Albert, 171 Metts, Sandra, 330 Milton, John, 146 Mizer, Jean, 51 Mogridge, Richard, 161 Mongeau, Paul, 306 Montgomery, Barbara, 286 Morris, Desmond, 283–84 Motsch, Bonnie, 241 Murugavel, Janakiram, 288 Muse, Daria, 28 N Narango, Claudio, 178 Neil, Fred, 244 Nizer, Louis, 179 Norstad, John, 133 O Obama, Michelle, 223f Ortiz, David, 211 452 Name Index Orwell, George, 217 Overstreet, Bonaro, 45 P Paik, Carol, 104 Pearson, Judy, 92 Pelosi, James J., Piaget, Jean, 94 Postman, Neil, 60, 93 Powell, John, 320 Prather, Hugh, 258, 400 R Ramirez, Heather, 94 Ramsay, Gordon, 385f Reps, Paul, 110 Robbins, Tom, 189 Roberts, Richelle, 208 Roe, Marty, 385 Rogers, Carl, 263 Rooney, Andy, 142, 258 Roosevelt, Eleanor, 148 Rosebrook, Vicki, 94 Rosenthal, Robert, 58 Ross, W D., 63 Rowe, Jason, 71, 71f Rubin, Theodore Isaac, 382 S Sapir, Edward, 192 Sartre, Jean-Paul, 48 Saxe, John G., 113 Schopenhauer, Arthur, 304 Seabrook, John, 133 Shakespeare, William, 49, 213 Shattuck, Roger, Shaw, George Bernard, 342 Smith, Will, 61f Spaight, Tracy, 71 Stanley, Alice, 175 Steinbeck, John, 83 Steves, Rick, 97 Stewart, John, Streep, Meryl, 243f Sunstein, Cass, 274 T Tannen, Deborah, 21, 304 Tavris, Carol, 135 Taylor, Dalmas, 314 Thompson, Andy, 262 Thoreau, Henry David, 247 Ting-Toomey, Stella, 55 Tolstoy, Leo, 366, 389 Tyler, Anne, 297 V Varadarajan, Tunku, 170 W Walters, R P., 293 Walther, Joseph, 22 Watzlawick, Paul, 116 Whorf, Benjamin, 192 Wilkens, Todd, 248 Wilmot, William, 378 Witherspoon, Reese, 86f Wyse, Lois, 205 Z Zeno of Citium, 246 Zimbardo, Philip, 100, 123–24 SUBJECT INDEX Note: page references followed by f and t refer to figures and tables respectively A abstract language, 165–67, 167t accenting, 205 accommodating conflict style, 383, 389f acknowledgment, 340, 345 active listening, 250–54, 364–65 advice, 61, 258–60 affiliation, 85, 172–73, 196 affinity, 295 age, 32, 86–88, 94–95 aggressiveness/aggression, 344, 384–86, 391–93 ambiguity ambiguous language, 164, 189–90 ambiguous responses, 343 of nonverbal communication, 207–10, 223 strategic, 16, 164 tolerance for, 33 analyzing/analysis, 257–58 apologies, 291, 370 appearance identity management through, 72 as nonverbal communication, 216, 224–26 perception influenced by, 85, 102 relationships formed based on, 270–71 self-concept of, 47–48, 53 approval, fallacy of, 146 argumentativeness, 344 arguments See conflict assertive message format, 355–62 assumptions, 91, 102–3, 244 attire, 216, 225–26 attitude, 91 avatars, 71, 274 avoidance conflict and, 327, 382–83, 386, 389f, 392 defensiveness and, 349 as relationship stage, 281 B behavior aggressive, 344, 384–86, 391–93 behavioral language, 165–67, 356–62, 399–400 collaborative, 65–67, 387–88, 389f, 398–406, 402f competent communicators’ range/use of, 27, 29 consequences of (See consequences) defensive (See defensiveness) honesty of, 74–75, 206–7, 207t, 232–33, 324–33, 351–52 identity management and, 62–75 interpretation of, 357–58 perception of (See perception) of private versus public selves, 64–65, 64t, 348–49 self-concept influencing, 57–60 self-monitoring, 30–31, 68–70, 134, 150–54 beneficence, 63 bias, 101–2 See also prejudice; stereotyping biology See also physiology emotions and, 122, 132–33, 142–43 perception and, 95 personality and, 43–45, 126 blindness, 219 blogging, 19–22, 73–74, 310 body language See nonverbal communication body movement, 211, 213–20, 345 “but” statements, 178 C “can’t” statements, 61, 62, 149 career success, 8, catastrophic expectations, 149–50, 322 catharsis, 317 causation, fallacy of, 148–49 change relationships changing, 276–87, 276f, 282f, 287–88, 287f resistance to, 53–54 of self-concept, 53–54, 60–62, 78 channels of communication, 9–10, 10f, 11f, 12, 139, 141 children See also parental communication abuse of, 274 communication climate with, 341 conflict and, 384, 391, 393 emotions of, 126 empathy of, 109 gender roles of, 56–57, 98 identity management of, 70 intimacy with, 305, 307, 308 naming, 170–72 nonverbal communication with, 5, 204, 208–9, 213, 221, 223–24 perceptions of, 83, 94–95 relationship development with, 284 self-concept of, 45–47, 49–51, 56–57, 58–59 touching, 223–24 clichés, 315 clothing, 216, 225–26 cognitive complexity, 29, 110–16 cognitive conservatism, 53–54 cognitive interpretation of emotions, 123–24, 144–45 collaboration, 65–67, 387–88, 389f, 398–406, 402f commitment, 31, 279–80, 281, 290, 290t communication channels of, 9–10, 10f, 11f, 12, 139, 141 climate/emotional tone of (See communication climate) defined, 13 effective, 14, 25–34, 37, 110, 245, 353 emotions and (See emotions) identity management and (See identity management) impersonal, 17, 22–24 importance of, 5–9, 36 intercultural, 32–34, 124–25, 169–70, 187–92, 288–89, 396–97 (See also culture) Subject Index 453 communication (continued) interpersonal (See interpersonal communication) language and (See language) listening as form of (See listening) marital (See marital communication) mediated (See mediated communication) misconceptions about, 15–16 nonverbal (See nonverbal communication) parental (See parental communication) principles of, 13–15 process of, 9–13 reasons for, 5–9, 184–85 relational (See relational communication) self-concept and (See selfconcept) stages of skill development, 30 styles, 25, 185–86, 188–91, 264, 308, 361–62, 381–90 workplace (See workplace communication) written, 138, 151, 236, 236f communication climate assessment of, 347, 355, 356, 357 criticism and, 355, 362–71, 375 culture and, 354 defensiveness and, 346–47, 348–55, 355–71, 374–75 defined, 340–41 development of, 345–47, 373–74 films/television shows depicting, 373–75 levels of message confirmation, 341–45, 342t, 373–74 communication competence arguing effectively, 353 assessment of, 26, 31 characteristics of, 27–31, 110 defined, 25–26 in intercultural communication, 32–34 listening and, 245 television show depicting, 37 understanding and, 14 454 Subject Index communication styles in assertive message format, 361–62 conflict styles as, 381–94, 381f, 389f, 408 effectiveness of, 25 gender and, 185–86, 308 language and, 185–86, 188–91 listening responses based on, 264 communicators, in transactional communication model, 10–13, 11f competence, 273 See also communication competence competing conflict style, 383–85, 389f complaints, 344 complementarity, in relationships, 272 complementary conflict style, 390–91 compromising conflict style, 385, 387, 389f conflict assessment of conflict/conflict style, 390, 392, 394 communication climate and, 343–44 conflict rituals, 393–94 conflict styles, 381–94, 381f, 389f, 408 constructive solutions to, 380–81, 398–406, 402f culture and, 383, 395–98, 409 defined, 378–80 dialetic tensions causing, 282–87, 301 films/television shows depicting, 408–9 gender and, 394–95 language and, 175–78 lying to avoid, 327 metacommunication resolving, 296–97 nature of, 378–81 relational styles of, 390–94 relational transgressions causing, 291–93 selection of appropriate conflict style, 388–90, 389f consequences asking critics about, 365–66 catastrophic expectations and, 149–50, 322 consequence statements, 179–80, 359, 361–62, 399–400, 404 emotional, 131, 144, 147 of honesty versus deception, 325, 328–29 language and, 171, 179–81, 359, 361–62, 399–400, 404 of mediated communication, 22 constructive conflict, 380–81, 398–406, 402f constructive criticism, 260–61 content dimension of communication, 15 context high- versus low-context cultures, 106–7, 111, 164, 189–90, 277, 289, 351–52, 383, 396–97 of language, 168–70, 169t contradiction, 205–6 control, 295–96, 350–51 See also power conversational style, 185–86 See also communication styles crazymaking, 384–85, 386 criticism, 260–61, 355, 362–71, 375 culture See also environment; ethnicity; intercultural communication collective versus individualistic, 54–55, 55t, 87, 96–97, 109, 128, 309–10, 383, 396–97 communication climate and, 354 conflict and, 383, 395–98, 409 emotions and, 124–25, 126–28, 211–12 empathy influenced by, 109, 111 high- versus low-context, 106–7, 111, 164, 189–90, 277, 289, 351–52, 383, 396–97 intimacy and, 308–10 language and, 169–70, 170–72, 173–74, 187–92, 195–96 names and, 170–72 nonverbal communication and, 33–34, 209, 210–13, 212t, 216, 221f, 222, 227–28 perception influenced by, 96–98, 104, 106–7, 109, 111 relationship development and, 277, 288–89 self-concept as reflection of, 54–56, 55t self-disclosure and, 34, 288–89, 309–10, 313 stereotyping based on, 86–89, 118 D deception alternatives to self-disclosure and, 324–33 defensiveness and, 351–52 lying as, 326–29, 328t, 332, 333 nonverbal communication and, 206–7, 207t, 232–33 decoding, 10, 10f defensiveness assessment of, 356, 357 causes of, 348 communication climate and, 346–47, 348–55, 355–71, 374–75 criticism and, 261, 355, 362–71, 375 culture and, 354 defensive listening, 243 “I” versus “you” language and, 179–82 listening responses and, 241, 243, 245, 251, 256, 258, 261, 363–67 nonverbal communication and, 363, 365 prevention of, 349–55 saving face and, 348, 355–71 types of defensive reactions, 349 dialetic tensions, 282–87, 301 disagreeing messages, 343–44 disagreements See conflict disruptive language, 175–78 distance, personal communication climate and, 345 cultural differences in, 34, 211, 212 as nonverbal communication, 34, 211, 212, 226–28, 345 relationships formed based on proximity, 273–74, 312 duty theory, 63 E effective communication, 14, 25–34, 37, 110, 245, 353 ego boosters/busters, 46 electronic media, 10 See also films; mediated communication; television shows email communication climate of, 340 emotional expression through, 126, 129, 133, 141 flaming via, 22, 133, 141 identity management through, 73–74 as interpersonal communication tool, 19–22, 126 intimacy and, 310 language used in, 172 nonverbal communication and, 21–22, 203–4 relationship development through, 277, 289, 305 emoticons, 129, 203–4 emotions assessment of, 125, 131, 136, 138, 144, 150, 153–54, 358 common, 135t components of, 122–26 culture and, 124–25, 126–28, 211–12 denying others right to their, 255–56, 255t emotional tone of communication (See communication climate) facilitative versus debilitative, 141–42, 157 feeling statements, 358–59 films depicting, 156–57 golden mean of expression, 139 guidelines for expressing, 132–41 influences on expression of, 126–32 intimacy and, 305 irrational thinking and, 145–50 managing difficult, 141–54 minimizing debilitative, 150–54 nonverbal communication and, 123, 130, 134, 203, 211–12, 217 rational-emotive thought, 151–54 reappraisal of, 124, 144–45, 151–52 recognition of, 125, 134–35, 150 self-disclosure and, 131, 134, 315–16 sources of debilitative, 142–45 empathy, 30, 108–16, 119, 254–55, 352 employment See occupation; workplace communication encoding, 9–10, 10f endorsement, 345 environment See also culture competent communicators’ adjustment to, 28 for emotional expression, 137–39 identity management through, 72–73 as nonverbal communication, 228–29 perception of (See perception) self-concept as reflection of, 45–49, 54–56, 55t in transactional communication model, 11–12, 11f equality, 352–54 equivocating/equivocal language, 162–64, 329–31 esteem See respect; self-esteem ethics conflict and, 386 culture and, 33 duty theory, 63 empathy and, 111 evasion and, 326, 332, 333 honesty versus deception, 74, 325, 326, 332, 333 moral virtue, 139 self-disclosure and, 321 strategic ambiguity and, 164 unconditional positive regard, 263 ethnicity See also culture conflict and, 396–97 intercultural communication and, 32–34 language and, 173 multiple identities and, 67 Subject Index 455 ethnicity See also culture (continued) perception and, 96–98, 104 self-concept and, 55–56 stereotypes based on, 86–89 evasion See equivocating/ equivocal language; hinting; lying; silence excessive communication, 15 expectations fallacy of catastrophic, 149–50, 322 perceptions influenced by, 91 experience, 91 eyes/eye contact blindness, 219 communication climate and, 345 cultural differences in, 34, 211 as listening response, 240 nonverbal cues from, 217, 219–20, 345 relational communication and, 295 F face, saving See saving face face-to-face communication identity management and, 67–68, 70, 72–73 interpersonal, 17 mediated communication versus (See mediated communication) nonverbal communication in (See nonverbal communication) facial nonverbal communication communication climate and, 345 cultural differences in, 211, 213 emotions and, 123, 217 identity management and, 58, 67–68 importance of, interpretation of, 217, 219–20 as listening response, 240 relational communication and, 295 in workplace, 216 facts, 315, 367–69 fallacy of approval, 146 456 Subject Index of catastrophic expectations, 149–50, 322 of causation, 148–49 of helplessness, 149 of overgeneralization, 147–48 of perfection, 145–46 of shoulds, 147 fatigue, 95 feelings See emotions films About a Boy, 335–36 Akeelah and the Bee, 77 American Beauty, 408 Antwone Fisher, 373 Babel, 36–37 Bend It Like Beckham, 301 Borat, 396f, 409 Boys Don’t Cry, 233 The Breakfast Club, 323f The Break-Up, 300–301 Bridget Jones’s Diary, 77 Brokeback Mountain, 79 Cast Away, 8f Catch Me If You Can, 79 Changing Lanes, 373–74 Crash, 118 Dead Man Walking, 263, 267 The Devil Wears Prada, 243f, 266 The Doctor, 119 Doubt, 374 50 First Dates, 300 Freaky Friday, 232 Garden State, 156 Hitch, 231–32 I Love You, Man, 307 Into the Wild, 36 I’ve Loved You So Long, 336 The Joy Luck Club, 409 Lars and the Real Girl, 92f, 119 Legally Blonde, 86f Liar, Liar, 337 Mean Girls, 172f, 196, 394 The Miracle Worker, 195 Nell, 195 The N-Word, 195–96 Office Space, 352f, 374–75 Rachel Getting Married, 301 Stand and Deliver, 78 Transamerica, 336 Up for Grabs, 408 The Upside of Anger, 157 The Visitor, 36–37 Waitress, 300 Waking Life, 162 When Harry Met Sally, 197 Yes Man, 146f, 157 first impressions, 102, 216 flaming, 22, 133, 141 forgiveness, 291–92 formality of language, 190–91 friendships, 7–8, 306, 380 See also relationships G gaming, 71, 274 gays and lesbians, 187, 289–90, 311, 318 gender communication styles and, 185–86, 308 conflict and, 394–95 emotions and, 128–29, 145 gender roles, 56–57, 98–99, 187, 308 identity management reflecting, 68 intercultural communication and, 32 intimacy and, 307–8 language and, 175, 183–87, 197, 222 listening and, 261 nonverbal communication and, 210, 222, 233 perception and, 86–88, 98–99, 99t self-concept and, 56–57 self-disclosure and, 307–8, 313 self-esteem and, 56–57 stereotypes based on, 86–88, 98–99, 99t gestures, 211, 214, 216–17 See also nonverbal communication goals, 8–9, 70, 379–80, 389–90 Golden Rule, 111 grief, 257 H handshaking, 209, 216 health communication and, 6, emotions and, 132–33 perception and, 95 self-concept impacting, 59 social media and, 19 touch and, 223–24 hearing, 237, 239, 245–46 See also listening helplessness, fallacy of, 149 hinting, 331, 333 honesty alternatives to self-disclosure and, 324–33 defensiveness and, 351–52 equivocating versus total, 162–64, 329–31 identity management and, 74–75 lying versus, 326–29, 328t, 332, 333 nonverbal communication and, 206–7, 207t, 232–33 hunger, 95 I identity See also identity management; personality; self-concept avatar, 71, 274 communication and, 7, 62–75 culture and, 54–56, 55t multiple, 62, 64–65, 66, 67, 74–75 names and, 170–72 needs, online, 22, 71, 73–74, 274 identity management characteristics of, 65–70 films depicting, 79 honesty and, 74–75 methods of, 70–74 nonverbal communication and, 58, 67–68, 72, 202, 231–32 public and private selves, 62, 64–65, 64t reasons for, 70 self-disclosure and, 318 “I” language, 138, 178, 179–82, 183t, 350 immediacy, 295 impersonal communication, 17, 22–24 indifference, 342, 352 instant messaging, 19–22, 73–74, 126, 172, 203–4, 278, 310 instrumental goals, 8–9, 70 intentional communication, 13–14 intention statements, 359–60 intercultural communication See also culture competence in, 32–34 conflict and, 396–97 emotions and, 124–25 language and, 169–70, 187–92 self-disclosure and, 34, 288–89 interdependence, 18, 24, 379 Internet communication climate on, 340 emotional expression via, 126, 129, 133, 141 flaming on, 22, 133, 141 identity management via, 71, 73–74 interpersonal communication via, 18–22, 126, 274 intimacy via, 310, 311 language used on, 172 nonverbal communication and, 21–22, 203–4 relationship development via, 274, 277, 278, 289, 305 self-disclosure via, 319, 320 virtual worlds on, 71, 274 interpersonal communication emotions and (See emotions) films/television shows depicting, 36–37 “I-It” versus “I-Thou,” 23 importance of, 5–9, 36 intimacy in (See intimacy) marital (See marital communication) mediated, 18–22, 126, 274 nature of, 16–24, 36–37 parental (See parental communication) personal versus impersonal balance in, 22–24 quantitative versus qualitative views of, 17–18, 23, 24 reasons for, 5–9, 184–85 relational (See relational communication) stages of skill development, 30 in workplace (See workplace communication) interpretation of behavior, 357–58 of emotions, 123–24, 144–45 as listening response, 257–58 of nonverbal communication, 207–10, 217, 219–20 perception and, 90–91, 103–8 interruptions, 244–45, 342 intimacy assessment of, 309 conflict and, 391–93 culture and, 308–10 defined, 304 dimensions of, 304–7 films depicting, 335–36 gender and, 307–8 limits of, 310–12 mediated communication and, 310, 311 physical, 305, 306, 308 self-disclosure and, 307–8, 309–10, 312–24, 336 intrinsic rewards, 18, 24 involvement, degree of, 90 irreplaceability, 17, 24 irreversible communication, 14 isolation, 4–6, 8f, 195, 311 “it” statements, 178 J job See occupation; workplace communication Johari Window, 316–17, 316f judging criticism as, 368–69 defensiveness and, 349–50 listening and, 247, 254, 256, 260–61, 263 others, 101–2, 179–82, 263 self (See self-monitoring) stereotyping and, 118, 166 “you” language expressing, 179–82, 183t, 350 K knowledge, 16, 29, 33–34, 87, 91 L language abstract, 165–67, 167t assessment of use, 165, 166, 169, 176, 182, 190 behavioral, 165–67, 356–62, 399–400 body (See nonverbal communication) “but” statements, 178 “can’t” statements, 61, 62, 149 consequence statements, 179–80, 359, 361–62, 399–400, 404 Subject Index 457 language (continued) context of, 168–70, 169t culture and, 169–70, 170–72, 173–74, 187–92, 195–96 disruptive, 175–78 emotional expression through, 124–26, 135–37, 138 equivocal, 162–64, 329–31 films depicting, 195–97 gender and, 175, 183–87, 197, 222 “I” language, 138, 178, 179–82, 183t, 350 impact of, 170–83, 195 “it” statements, 178 nonverbal influences on, 205, 206–7, 220–22 relational communication and, 295 relative, 164–65, 191–92 of responsibility, 178–83 semantic rules of, 162–67 sign, 161, 195, 200 symbolism of, 161–62 syntactic rules, 167–68 time devoted to speaking, 236, 236f “we” language, 182–83, 183t workplace communication and, 168, 169t, 173, 180–81, 186 “you” language, 179–82, 183t, 350 lies, 326–29, 328t, 332, 333 See also deception linear communication model, 9–10 linguistic relativism, 164–65, 191–92 listening as acknowledgment, 345 advice as response, 258–60 analyzing as response, 257–58 assessment/improvement of skill, 242, 245, 246–47, 254, 259, 260 challenges of, 241–47, 266 conflict and, 400 to criticism, 363–67 defensiveness and, 241, 243, 245, 251, 256, 258, 261, 363–67 defined, 237–39 films/television shows depicting, 266–67 gender and, 261 458 Subject Index judging as response, 247, 254, 256, 260–61, 263 paraphrasing as response, 250–54, 364–65 process of, 239–41 prompting as response, 247–49 questioning as response, 249–50, 363–64, 365–67 responses, 240, 247–64, 363–67 selecting appropriate response, 261–64 supporting as response, 254–57, 263, 266–67 time devoted to, 236, 236f lying, 326–29, 328t, 332, 333 See also deception M manner, 70, 72 marital communication communication climate of, 341, 345–46, 346t conflict in, 380–81, 385, 387, 390–93 defensiveness in, 346 emotions and, 128–29, 131, 142 gender and, 185 listening and, 236 perception and, 91–92 social needs and, mediated communication communication climate of, 340 emotional expression through, 126, 129, 133, 141 flaming, 22, 133, 141 identity management through, 71, 73–74 interpersonal, 18–22, 126, 274 intimacy and, 310, 311 language used in, 172 nonverbal communication and, 21–22, 203–4 relationship development through, 274, 277, 278, 289, 305 self-disclosure through, 319, 320 virtual worlds, 71, 274 memory, 143, 241 message See also communication assertive message format, 355–62 confirming, 344–45, 373 disagreeing, 343–44 disconfirming, 342–43, 373 levels of confirmation, 341–45, 342t, 373–74 in linear communication model, 9–10, 10f relational, 294–96 in transactional communication model, 11f metacommunication, 296–97 mindfulness, 34, 139, 141, 238–39 misunderstandings, 15, 162–70, 169t See also understanding motivation, 33, 84 movies See films multiculturalism See culture; intercultural communication N names, 170–72 needs identifying in conflict, 398–400 identity, Maslow’s hierarchy of, 8–9 physical, 6, safety, social, 7–8 negotiation, 92, 385, 387, 400–403, 402f, 406 noise, 10, 10f, 11f, 12 See also defensiveness nonmalficence, 63 nonverbal communication appearance as, 216, 224–26 assessment of, 209, 213, 215, 224, 226 blindness and, 219 body movement, 211, 213–20, 345 characteristics of, 201–10 communication climate and, 345, 363, 365 conflict and, 379 culture and, 33–34, 209, 210–13, 212t, 216, 221f, 222, 227–28 deception and, 206–7, 207t, 232–33 defined, 200–201 emotions and, 123, 130, 134, 203, 211–12, 217 eyes/eye contact, 34, 211, 217, 219–20, 240, 295, 345 face, 5, 58, 67–68, 123, 211, 213, 216, 217, 219–20, 240, 295, 345 films/television shows depicting, 231–33 gender and, 210, 222, 233 identity management through, 58, 67–68, 72, 202, 231–32 influences on, 210–13 intentional versus unintentional, 14 as listening response, 240, 249 mediated communication lacking, 21–22, 203–4 perception checking reflecting, 106 physical environment as, 228–29 physical space as, 34, 211, 212, 226–28, 345 relational communication and, 278, 294, 295–96 time as, 211, 229 touch, 222–24 types of, 213–29 verbal versus, 201t, 204t victims and, 218 voice, 205, 206, 220–22, 294, 295 in workplace, 208, 216 nonverbal learning disorder, 208 nonviolence, 366 O observation, 61–62 obviousness, 103 occupation, 32, 99–101, 130, 186, 262 See also workplace communication openness communication climate and, 340, 363 open-mindedness, 33, 103, 105–8, 363 openness-privacy dialectic, 284–85, 286–87 opinions, 315 organization, 84–90, 84f, 85f others approval of, 146 collaboration with, 65–67, 387–88, 389f, 398–406, 402f commitment to, 31, 279–80, 281, 290, 290t comparison with, 47–48, 61 conflict with (See conflict) cooperation of, 406 distance from/proximity to, 34, 211, 212, 226–28, 273–74, 312, 345 duty to, 63 emotions of, 131–32, 148–49, 255–56, 255t first impressions of, 102, 216 identity management for perception by (See identity management) interdependence with, 18, 24, 379 involvement with, 90 isolation from, 4–6, 8f, 195, 311 judging, 101–2, 179–82, 263 listening to (See listening) negotiation with, 92, 385, 387, 400–403, 402f, 406 perceptions about (See perception) perspective of, 29, 110–16, 400 (See also empathy) reaction of, 16 reciprocity with (See reciprocity) relationships with (See relationships) saving face of, 70, 396 self-concept as reflection of, 45–49, 63 shared activities with, 305, 307–8 significant, 46–47 similarity to, 271 stereotyping, 86–89, 98–99, 99t, 118, 166 supporting, 254–57, 263, 266–67 overgeneralization, fallacy of, 147–48 P paralanguage See nonverbal communication parallel conflict style, 390–91 paraphrasing, 250–54, 364–65 parental communication children’s self-concept development and, 45–47, 49–51 communication climate in, 341 conflict and, 384, 391, 393 on emotions, 126 empathy influenced by, 109 gender and, 307, 308 intimacy in, 307, 308 isolation from, 5, nonverbal communication as, 204 passive aggression, 384–85, 386 pauses, 220–21 perception assessment of, 85, 88, 90, 95, 99, 108, 112 cognitive complexity and, 110–16 common tendencies in, 101–3 conflict and, 379 critic’s, 369–70 cultural differences and, 96–98, 104, 106–7, 109, 111 empathy and, 108–10, 119 influences on, 93–101 interpretation of, 90–91, 103–8 negotiation and, 92 organization and, 84–90, 84f, 85f perception checking, 103, 105–8 physiology and, 93–96 process of, 83–92 selection and, 83–84 social roles and, 85, 98–101 stereotyping and, 86–89, 98–99, 99t, 118, 166 perfection, 50–52, 61, 145–46 personality See also identity; self-concept assessment of, 45 biology and, 43–45, 126 competent communicators’ adjustment of, 28 emotional expression and, 126, 139 nonverbal communication and, 228–29, 232 self-disclosure and, 313 traits, 44, 44t, 85 perspective, 11–12, 29, 32–34, 108–16, 400 physical disability, 32, 219, 239, 245–46 physical environment See environment; setting physical intimacy, 305, 306, 308 Subject Index 459 physical space, 34, 211, 212, 226–28, 345 physiology See also biology deception and, 206–7 emotions and, 122, 132–33, 142–43 of hearing/listening, 239, 244, 245–46 perception and, 93–96 physical attractiveness, 224–25 physical disability, 32, 219, 239, 245–46 physical needs, 6, pillow method, 110–16 Platinum Rule, 111 point-of-view See perspective PostSecret website, 319, 320 posture, 214 poverty/wealth, 88 power conflict and, 384, 389 language and, 173–74, 174t, 186–87 lying to gain, 327 nonverbal communication and, 228–29 pragmatic communication model, 13 prejudice, 87–88 privacy management (See selfdisclosure) private/perceived self, 62, 64–65, 64t relationship development and, 284–85, 286–87 prompting, 247–49 proximity, 273–74, 312 See also physical space psychological disorders, 96 psychological noise, 12, 362 See also defensiveness psychological sex types, 56–57, 98–99, 187, 308 psychological traits, 85 See also personality public/presenting self, 62, 64–65, 64t, 348–49 punctuation, 89–90, 89f Q questions, 178–79, 185, 249–50, 363–64, 365–67 460 Subject Index R race See ethnicity rational-emotive thought, 151–54 reading, time devoted to, 236, 236f reappraisal of emotions, 124, 144–45, 151–52 receiver, 9–10, 10f See also communicators reciprocity communication climate and, 345–47, 346t, 373–74 reciprocal attraction, 272–73 of self-disclosures, 317–18, 323 recognition, 345 reflected appraisal, 45–49 regulating function, 205 relational communication communication climate of (See communication climate) content of, 293–94, 297 films/television shows depicting, 299–301 mediated communication as tool for, 274, 277, 278, 289, 305 metacommunication, 296–97 nonverbal communication and, 278, 294, 295–96 relational dimension of, 15, 293–94 repairing damaged relationships, 291–92 strategies of, 289, 291–92 types of relational messages, 294–96 relational conflict styles, 390–94 relational roles, 101, 389 relationships assessment of, 283, 287, 290, 291 characteristics of, 287–90, 287f communication creating (See communication) conflict in (See conflict) defined, 270 dialetic tensions in, 282–87, 301 emotions and (See emotions) films/television shows on, 299–301 gay and lesbian, 187, 289–90, 311, 318 interdependence in, 18, 24, 379 intimacy in (See intimacy) intrinsic rewards from, 18, 24 irreplaceability of, 17, 24 lying in, 327–29, 328t, 332, 333 maintaining, 289–90, 319 models of relational development, 276–87, 276f, 282f, 300–301 need for, 5–9 online (See mediated communication) perceptions influenced by, 90–91, 101 reasons to form, 270–75 repairing damaged, 291–93 self-disclosure in (See selfdisclosure) stages of, 276–82, 276f, 282f, 287–88, 287f, 300–301 terminating, 281–82 uniqueness of, 17, 24 relative language, 164–65, 191–92 religion, 32 remembering, 143, 241 repetition, 204, 362 respect, 295 response See also behavior communication climate impacted by, 342–43 to criticism, 362–71, 375 defensive (See defensiveness) listening responses, 240, 247–64 to others’ emotions, 131–32, 148–49, 255–56, 255t responsibility, 138, 178–83, 398–99 rewards, 8–9, 18, 24, 70, 275 role reversal, 99, 100 rumination, 142 S safety needs, Sapir-Whorf hypothesis, 192 sarcasm, 110, 208, 221, 392 saving face assertive message format, 355–62 conflict and, 383, 396 defensiveness and, 348, 355–71 equivocating as means of, 162–64, 330–31 hinting as means of, 331, 333 identity management for, 70 language and, 173–74, 178 listening responses and, 260 lying as means of, 326 perception checking and, 107–8 self-actualization, self-awareness, 30–31, 34, 125, 134–35 See also selfmonitoring self-clarification, 318 self-concept See also identity assessment of, 41, 45, 52 biology and, 43–45 changing, 53–54, 60–62, 78 characteristics of, 49–54 conflict and, 397 culture shaping, 54–56, 55t defensiveness and, 348–49 environment reflecting, 45–49, 54–56, 55t films/television shows depicting, 77–78 influences on, 77 perceptions influenced by, 91 relationships and, 272 resistance to change in, 53–54 self-esteem and, 40–43, 42t, 43f, 50–51 as self-fulfilling prophecy, 57–60, 62, 78 socialization and, 45–49, 63 subjectivity of, 49–52 self-disclosure alternatives to, 324–33, 337 assessment of, 316, 317, 320, 323 benefits of, 317–20 characteristics of, 313t culture and, 34, 288–89, 309–10, 313 defined, 312–13 degrees of, 314–16, 314f emotions and, 131, 134, 315–16 equivocating versus, 329–31 fear of, 131 films depicting, 336–37 gender and, 307–8, 313 guidelines for, 321–25 hinting versus, 331, 333 in interpersonal communication, 18, 24 intimacy and, 307–8, 309–10, 312–24, 336 Johari Window model of, 316–17, 316f lying versus, 326–29, 328t, 332, 333 relationship development and, 273, 284–85, 286–87, 288–89 risks of, 320–21 silence versus, 326, 332 self-esteem assessment of, 43, 52 gender and, 56–57 as need, relationships and, 272–73 self-concept and, 40–43, 42t, 43f, 50–51 self-fulfilling prophecy fallacy of helplessness as, 149 self-concept as, 57–60, 62, 78 stereotypes and, 86–88 self-monitoring, 30–31, 68–70, 134, 150–54 self-serving bias, 101–2 self-talk, 143–45, 151–54 self-validation, 318 semantic rules, 162–67 sender, 9–10, 10f See also communicators senses, 93–94 See also hearing; touch setting, 72–73, 137–38, 139, 228–29 See also environment sex See also gender gender distinction from, 98 physical intimacy, 305, 306, 308 sexual orientation, 32 See also gays and lesbians shared activities, 305, 307–8 shoulds, fallacy of, 147 significant others, 46–47 sign language, 161, 195, 200 silence, 4–5, 96–97, 190, 326, 332 similarity, 271 social comparison, 47–48, 61 social exchange theory, 275 social influence, 319–20 social isolation, 4–6, 8f, 195, 311 socialization, 45–49, 63 social needs, 7–8 social networking, 18–22, 73–74, 310 See also mediated communication social penetration, 314–15, 314f social roles affiliation and, 172–73, 196 emotions and, 130 impersonal communication and, 17 intercultural communication and, 32 language and, 186–87 listening and, 262 perception and, 85, 98–101 self-concept and, 40, 41 social rules/conventions, 17, 129–30, 291, 308–10 socioeconomics, 88 solitude, 4–6, 8f, 195, 311 speech, 201t, 204t, 236, 236f, 246 See also language spouses See also marital communication abuse of, 274 communication climate between, 341, 345–46, 346t conflict between, 380–81, 385, 387, 390–93 defensiveness of, 346 emotions and, 128–29, 131, 142 listening to, 236 perceptions of, 91–92 relationships between (See relationships) social needs of, static evaluation, 165 status, 228–29 stereotyping, 86–89, 98–99, 99t, 118, 166 stimuli interpretation of, 90–91, 103–8 obvious, 103 organization of, 84–90, 84f, 85f physiological, 93–96 selection of, 83–84 strengths, recognizing, 52 subjectivity of self-concept, 49–52 substitution, 204 superiority, 352–54 supporting, 254–57, 263, 266–67 symbolism of language, 161–62 symmetrical conflict style, 390–91 syntactic rules, 167–68 Subject Index 461 T tact, 16 talk See language; self-talk; speech tattoos, 72 television shows See also electronic media American Idol, 375 The Bachelor/Bachelorette, 299 Big Brother, 299–300 Blind Date, 299 CSI, 266 Everybody Loves Raymond, 342f, 373 Friends, 37 Hell’s Kitchen, 385f House, 25, 25f Law & Order, 266 Lie to Me, 207, 207f, 232–33 Lost, 118 MADE, 78 The Office, 37, 122 The Real World, 299 Seinfeld, 231 Survivor, 299–300 30 Rock, 395, 408 In Treatment, 266–67 Ugly Betty, 48f territoriality, 228 texting, 19–22, 73–74, 203–4, 310 thought irrational, 145–50 rational-emotive, 151–54 time conflict and, 379, 399 cultural difference in, 33–34, 211, 229 462 Subject Index percentage devoted to communication activities, 236, 236f tolerance, 33, 110–16, 119 touch, 222–24 transactional communication model, 10–13, 11f, 37 trust, 315, 327–29 Twitter, 19–22 U unconditional positive regard, 263 understanding ambiguous, 16, 164 communication competence and, 14 context of language, 168–70, 169t criticism, 362–67 listening and, 240, 249–54 misunderstandings, 15, 162–70, 169t perception checking and, 103, 105–8 structure of language, 167–68 words, 162–67 unintentional communication, 13–14 uniqueness, 17, 24 unrepeatable communication, 14–15 V verbal communication See language; speech victims, 149, 218, 384–85, 386 virtual worlds, 71, 274 voice, 205, 206, 220–22, 294, 295 W wealth/poverty, 88 “we” language, 182–83, 183t “Wild Boy of Aveyron,” workplace communication See also occupation career success and, 8, communication climate of, 340, 352f, 368–69 conflict in, 388, 393, 397 criticism in, 368–69 emotions and, 130, 134, 140 intercultural, 32–34 language and, 168, 169t, 173, 180–81, 186 listening and, 238, 248, 252–53, 262 nonverbal, 208, 216 paraphrasing in, 252–53 relationship development and, 280 romance in workplace, 312 self-disclosure in, 321, 324–25 self-fulfilling prophecy and job performance, 59–60 strategic ambiguity of, 164 written communication, 138, 151, 236, 236f See also mediated communication Y “you” language, 179–82, 183t, 350 ... Website for Looking Out /Looking In, where they will find digital resources that accompany this edition Teaching and Learning Resources Along with the text itself, Looking Out /Looking In is accompanied... time writing about communication In addition to helping create Looking Out /Looking In, he has contributed to six other books about topics including business communication, public speaking, small... bonus chapter unique to Looking Out /Looking In about computer-mediated communication is available now Preface xiii Acknowledgments The success of Looking Out /Looking In is due to the contributions