IELTS Writing Correction Topic: In some countries, some high school leavers are choosing to work or travel for a period of time before going to university Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of those school leavers’ decision Give your own opinion After graduating from high school, some students tend to get a job or go on a trip for some time before university life While this decision has its own drawbacks, I suggest they decide to consider its outweighed benefits In my opinion, high school graduates should choose to work or travel for a period of time because of some undeniable advantages First, working and traveling are both good chances for them to gain some valuable experience This experience can broaden their knowledge on in various fields, which will be pretty useful for their future career Second, those who work right after high school before going to university are able to earn money for higher education Furthermore, high school graduates with a gap year are much more appreciative than those who not have one when applying for scholarships at university On the other hand, the decision is disadvantageous to some extent The main shortcoming is that a number of high school leavers may start their professional career later than their fellows who not choose to get a job or go on a trip after high school As a result, they will get promoted later In addition, traveling costs them so much If they travel right after high school, they will earn no money and have to ask their parents for the expense It is not advisable that people should like this To conclude, I encourage high school leavers to start working or traveling prior to entering a university for many advantages although this decision has some notable disadvantages Grade 6.0 + Intro nêu quan điểm không rõ ràng (không nên sử dụng từ “suggest” để nêu quan điểm) Khổ thứ có nêu quan điểm khơng đủ (lưu ý nêu quan điểm cá nhân câu thứ Intro quan trọng hơn, để đầu khổ có tốt khơng có không bị trừ điểm ý sau hỗ trợ tốt) + Cũng vậy, phần kết luận có nêu quan điểm cá nhân cần viết rõ ràng (không nên sử dụng “encourage”) Ví dụ: “In conclusion, I completely believe that travelling overseas or working during a gap year has many more advantages than disadvantages because … ” + Paragraph (referred to the advantages): nhồi nhét nhiều Ideas vào -> đoạn văn khơng giải thích đầy đủ khơng rõ ràng Có ideas khác Written by Ngoc Bach Page: https://www.facebook.com/tuhocIelts8.0 Comment [A2]: may be quite Comment [A3]: appreciated Comment [A4]: Câu suggest : The option to get a job or travel straight after school is disadvantageous to some extent Comment [A5]: a great deal Comment [A6]: Câu suggest viết lại: In conclusion, I believe that there are many advantages for young people who start working or traveling prior to beginning their university studies, although this decision has some notable disadvantages (259 words) Task Response Comment [A1]: Câu suggest : While I accept that there are benefits and drawbacks of this decision, I would argue that it is better to take a gap year to work or travel Page IELTS Writing Correction đây: high school leavers who take a gap year may: (1) gain valuable experience (2) broaden their knowledge (3) earn money to fund their university studies (4) have a better CV when they apply for a job, because employers will appreciate what they did in their gap year idea khơng giải thích đầy đủ - Nên có ví dụ thực tế để giải thích idea hỗ trợ tốt Cohesion and Coherence 6.5 Vocabulary 7.0 + lỗi nêu -> làm tiêu chí có kết nối, mạch lạc bị giảm điểm + Tất khổ cấu trúc cách logic Sử dụng cấu trúc Firstly/Secondly .Finally để giúp người đọc định vị ý hỗ trợ cách dễ dàng -> good + - Sử dụng đa dạng từ vựng liên quan đến chủ đề: take a gap year/start their professional career later than their fellows/right after high school/gain some valuable experience/broaden their knowledge + Lặp lại từ school lần Cần cố gắng sử dụng từ đồng nghĩa, pronouns (it, they), giải thích nghĩa từ theo cách khác, tránh lặp lại từ nhiều -> Mình suggest số cách diễn đạt khác để không bị lặp từ school: they, students, these graduates, young people, young graduates, graduating students Grammar 7.5 Overall 6.5-7.0 adverb clauses, relative clauses and a (first) conditional sentence There are a variety of sentence structures and correct comparative forms -> Good + Tránh lặp lại từ nhiều lần -> nên tìm từ đồng nghĩa, pronouns để thay vừa có tác dụng tăng điểm từ vựng, vừa có tác dụng tăng điểm Cohesion and Coherence Nhớ cách để tăng điểm tiêu chí cho viết là: Referent pronouns Synonyms and other phrases Linking words Written by Ngoc Bach Page: https://www.facebook.com/tuhocIelts8.0 Page IELTS Writing Correction + Nêu opinion rõ ràng intro (câu thứ intro) paraphase lại kết luận + Cố gắng phát triển idea khổ thân tốt Less ideas and more support Written by Ngoc Bach Page: https://www.facebook.com/tuhocIelts8.0 Page