People styles at work and beyond

PEOPLE STYLES AT WORK AND BEYOND 2nd EDITION Author: Robert Bolton & Dorothy Grover Bolton Source: http://www.e-thuvien.com/ eBook created (06/01/‘16): QuocSan Praise for the previous edition of People Styles at Work: “We love it! Extremely well done and as useful as they get.” —Soundview Executive Book Summaries Praise for Social Style Management Style: Developing Productive Work Relationships: “Easy to read but well-researched and annotated…The generally fine writing sets this book apart from so many attempts to communicate a difficult subject to a lay audience.” —Training magazine We dedicate this book to: Bill Gabor Bob Gabor Hallie Hawkins Jim Bolton Betsy Bolton Doug Bolton Kristin Bolton the sons/ stepsons and daughters/ stepdaughters of our blended family CONTENTS: Introduction Part I Understanding Yourself and Others §1 No Wonder We Have People Problems People are different from each other in fundamental ways People differences trigger people problems People differences generate stress on the home front You can only relate to another person’s uniqueness in limited ways The types approach to getting in sync with others “Isn’t that just another way of stereotyping people?” Make people differences work for rather than against you §2 People Are More Predictable than You Might Think The pervasiveness of prediction A good model helps you make better predictions The people styles model Behaviors Habitualness Clusters of Behaviors Assertive and Responsive Behaviors Pervasive and Enduring Influence People styles in a nutshell The importance of probabilities §3 What’s Your Style? Guidelines for completing the people styles self-assessment inventory The people styles self-assessment inventory Interpreting the inventory §4 Two Keys to Understanding People Assertiveness Characteristic Behaviors of More-Assertive People Characteristic Behaviors of Less-Assertive People Responsiveness Characteristic Behaviors of More-Responsive People Characteristic Behaviors of Less-Responsive People The four people styles Whatever your style, it’s a good one §5 See Yourself as Others See You Style names: A necessary evil The challenge of seeing yourself as others see you A working hypothesis §6 The Driving Style and the Expressive Style The driver style The expressive style §7 The Amiable Style and the Analytical Style The amiable style The analytical style §8 Make the Most of Your Gifts Note the potential strengths of your style Develop these gifts into strengths Find ways to capitalize on your strengths Avoid over-relying on your strengths Drivers’ Strengths Overused or Misapplied Expressives’ Strengths Overused or Misapplied Amiables’ Strengths Overused or Misapplied Analyticals’ Strengths Overused or Misapplied Prevent your major weakness from doing you in Don’t Underestimate the Effort Needed to Eliminate Your Weakness Team with One or More Complementary Partners §9 Backup Styles: Extreme, Inappropriate, and Inflexible Behavior Characteristics of a backup style Extreme, Inappropriate, Inflexible Behavior A Protective Reaction Triggered by Excessive Stress An Automatic Reaction The four backup styles Expressives in Backup: Attacking Drivers in Backup: Autocratic Amiables in Backup: Acquiescing Analyticals in Backup: Avoiding Contagiousness of backup behavior Secondary backup Key points in identifying backup behavior §10 Coping with Backup Behavior Reduce the number of times you are in backup Practice damage control when you are in backup Take a “Time Out” for Yourself Decrease Your Use of Backup Behavior Don’t Save Your Backup Behavior for Loved Ones Avoid Making Decisions When in Backup Practice damage control when others are in backup Expect That People Won’t Always Be at Their Best Recognize When the Other Person Is in Backup Don’t Get Hooked by the Other Person’s Backup Behavior Don’t Do Business with Someone Who Is in Backup When Others Are in Backup, Don’t Try to Talk Them out of It Final thoughts about backup behavior Part II Style Flex: A Key to Improved Relationships §11 The Style Flex Solution to People Differences Interpersonal flexibility Basic Flex Style Flex Not manipulation or conformity, but flexibility Manipulation Conformity Flexibility §12 Four Steps to Better Relationships Style flex: A four-step process Step One: Identify Step Two: Plan Step Three: Implement Step Four: Evaluate When to flex your style Not All the Time Open in Parallel Just-in-Time Flex When an Important Matter Is Being Discussed When the Other Person Is Experiencing Considerable Stress When the Person You Are with Is Especially Rigid §13 How to Identify Someone’s Style Separate observing from inferring Note the person’s degree of assertiveness and responsiveness Degree of Assertiveness Degree of Responsiveness Verify by checking against the description of that style Fine-tune your assessment Tips for improved style identification Let the Other Person Take the Lead Pay Attention to Body Language Don’t Be Misled by Style Labels Treat Your Initial Identification as a Working Hypothesis Recognize That Knowing Styles Is Just a Starting Point §14 Flexing in Special Situations Flexing to your manager Flexing to the people you manage Flexing to a group Flexing to a person and to a task When you can’t identify a person’s style Relating to a person whose style is the same as yours §15 Three Keys to Good Relationships The universality of the golden rule How virtually everyone wants to be treated Respectfully Fairly Honestly Part III People Styles and Family Relationships §16 The Art of Loving Someone Very Different from Yourself The challenge of creating lasting couple relationships The four phases of intimate relationships Phase I: Attraction Phase II: Frustration Phase III: Adjustment Phase IV: Devotion §17 Style-Based Parenting Accept that raising kids is tough Map your family Bit by bit, introduce your child to the people styles model Accept your child’s style Accept your parenting style Synchronize your parenting style with your partner’s Appendix I For Amiables Only: How to Flex to Each Style Flexing to analyticals De-emphasize Feelings Be Systematic Be Well Organized, Detailed, and Factual Flexing to expressives Pick Up the Pace Demonstrate Higher Energy Focus on the Big Picture Say What You Think Facilitate Self-Determination Flexing to drivers Pick Up the Pace Demonstrate Higher Energy Be More Task-Oriented De-emphasize Feelings Be Clear About Your Goals and Plans Say What You Think Cut to the Chase Be Well Organized in Your Communication Be Careful in Relating to Other Amiables Appendix II For Drivers Only: How to Flex to Each Style Flexing to expressives Make Personal Contact Focus More on Feelings Cooperate with the Expressive’s Conversational Spontaneity Be Open to the Expressive’s Fun-Loving Side Give the Expressive Recognition Communicate on the Expressive’s Wavelength Provide Considerable Freedom Flexing to analyticals Slow Your Pace Listen More, Listen Better Don’t Come on Too Strong Communicate on the Analytical’s Wavelength Flexing to amiables Make Genuine Personal Contact Slow Your Pace Listen More, Listen Better Don’t Come on Too Strong Focus More on Feelings Be Supportive Provide Structure Demonstrate Interest in the Human Side Be Careful in Relating to Other Drivers Appendix III For Expressives Only: How to Flex to Each Style Flexing to amiables Slow Your Pace Listen More, Listen Better Don’t Come on Too Strong Be Supportive Flexing to drivers Be More Task-Oriented De-emphasize Feelings Plan Your Work and Work Your Plan Be Well Organized in Your Communication Avoid Power Struggles Flexing to analyticals Slow Your Pace Listen More, Listen Better Don’t Come on Too Strong Be More Task-Oriented De-emphasize Feelings Be Systematic Be Well Organized, Detailed, and Factual Be Careful in Relating to Other Expressives Appendix IV For Analyticals Only: How to Flex to Each Style Flexing to drivers Pick Up the Pace Demonstrate Higher Energy Don’t Get Bogged Down in Details or Theory Say What You Think Speak in Practical, Results-Oriented Terms Facilitate Self-Determination Flexing to amiables Make Genuine Personal Contact Focus More on Feelings Be Supportive Provide Structure Demonstrate Interest in the Human Side Don’t Overdo Facts and Logic Flexing to expressives Make Personal Contact Pick Up the Pace Demonstrate Higher Energy Focus More on Feelings Cooperate with the Expressive’s Conversational Spontaneity Be Open to the Expressive’s Fun-Loving Give the Expressive Recognition Say What You Think Communicate on the Expressive’s Wavelength Provide 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However, the people styles model has some unique and beneficial applications to personal relationships So Part Three: People Styles and Family Relationships discusses applications of the people styles. .. other, their working relationship continued to deteriorate People differences generate stress on the home front It’s not just at work that people s different behavioral patterns complicate their... question is that it’s wrong to categorize people The people styles model is a way of categorizing people Experts on the workings of the mind found that we can’t avoid categorizing people or anything