The Emotional Intelligence Quick Book EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW TO PUT YOUR EQ TO WORK Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves A Fireside Book Published by Simon & Schuster New York London Toronto Sydney A D VA N C E P R A I S E F O R The Emotional Intelligence Quick Book “Emotional intelligence is an extremely important skill to have for personal and professional success This book is excellent I strongly recommend it.” —Ken Blanchard, bestselling business book author of all time; coauthor of The One Minute Manager “This book is filled with wisdom, inspiration, and practical advice, rooted in groundbreaking research The authors’ positive strategies are immensely powerful and will change the way you look at your life, your work, and the world.” —Captain D Michael Abrashoff, author of the bestseller It’s Your Ship and Get Your Ship Together “In the fast lane of business life today, people spend more time on computer keyboards, BlackBerries, and conference calls than they in face-to-face communication We’re expected to piece together broken conversations, cryptic voice mails, and abbreviated text messages to figure out how to proceed In this increasingly complex web, emotional intelligence is more important than ever before This book is filled with invaluable insights and information that no one can afford to ignore.” —Rajeev Peshawaria, executive director, Goldman Sachs International “I distributed the Quick Book to my team We found it very helpful in our dealings with each other and our internal customers If your desire is to be a leader people will trust and follow, this book provides an opportunity that can not only change your professional career but also your personal relationships.” —Regina Sacha, vice president, human resources, FedEx Custom Critical “Drs Bradberry and Greaves have created a gem that is powerful and easy to read This book provides a captivating look at the things that matter most in life Succeeding in Hollywood is as tough as any business, and emotional intelligence skills are essential I highly recommend this book.” —Matt Olmstead, executive producer, ABC’s NYPD Blue and Blind Justice “At last a book that gives how to’s rather than just what to’s We need no more convincing that emotional intelligence is at the core of life success What we need are practical ways of improving it Bradberry and Greaves’ brilliant new book is a godsend It will change your life.” —Joseph Grenny, New York Times bestselling coauthor of Crucial Conversations and Crucial Confrontations “This book is a wake-up call for anyone who wants to dramatically improve their work life and strengthen their relationships Drs Bradberry and Greaves offer powerful research, practical strategies, and fascinating stories that will transform the way we think about ourselves and how we interact with those we care about the most.” —Jim Loehr, New York Times bestselling author, The Power of Full Engagement and Stress for Success “This is a wonderful, practical, helpful book full of tools and techniques you can use to get along better with all the people in your life.” —Brian Tracy, bestselling author, Eat That Frog and TurboCoach “Emotional intelligence is such a crucial concept to understand—yet so many people are unaware of it The authors a magnificent job of explaining the incredible power of emotional intelligence and how to apply it to achieve your ultimate goals I’ve used this book to maximize my potential and I recommend it to anyone who desires to be truly successful.” —Richard La China, CEO of iTECH, 1999 Ernst & Young Entrepreneur of the Year “Whip out your pen and get ready to take copious notes This wonderful gem of a book is chock-a-block full of invaluable insights and incredibly useful suggestions—backed by strong scientific evidence Word for word this is the most precious book I’ve read in a long time I will give it to all my friends and clients as the one ‘must read’ for the season.” —Jim Belasco, New York Times bestselling coauthor, Flight of the Buffalo “My clients tend to be very successful and incredibly busy This book delivers valuable insights without wasting time! My coaches and I have done powerful work aided by this book and the emotional intelligence test that comes with it A fantastic combination for learning the skills that are critical to high job performance.” —Marshall Goldsmith, bestselling author and premier executive educator, as ranked by Forbes, The Wall Street Journal, The Harvard Business Review, and Fast Company “Drs Bradberry and Greaves have succeeded in creating a practical summary of emotional intelligence Without being simplistic, the Quick Book is accessible to managers and employees who need a quick yet sophisticated understanding of the topic This book and TalentSmart® e-learning are important components of Nokia’s management and employee development programs.” —Jennifer Tsoulos, M.S., human resources, Nokia Mobile Phones “This book is a great resource for those of us charged with providing emergency services to the public Through the simple and effective steps outlined in the Quick Book, I was able to learn and subsequently put into practice the emotional intelligence skills necessary to better relate to my customers during crisis situations The section on emotionally intelligent teams is a tool most supervisors should find useful in facilitating teamwork and promoting esprit de corps.” —Dominick Arena, fire captain, City of Escondido, California, Fire Department f A Fireside Book Published by Simon & Schuster New York London Toronto Sydney The Emotional Intelligence Quick Book EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW TO PUT YOUR EQ TO WORK Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves F FIRESIDE Rockefeller Center 1230 Avenue of the Americas New York, NY 10020 Copyright © 2003 by TalentSmart Copyright © 2005 by Travis Bradberry, Ph.D., and Jean Greaves, Ph.D All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form Fireside and colophon are registered trademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc The Emotional Intelligence Quick Book, TalentSmart, and the Emotional Intelligence Appraisal are trademarks of TalentSmart, Inc Visit us on the World Wide Web: http://www.SimonSays.com Designed by William Ruoto Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Bradberry, Travis The emotional intelligence quick book : everything you need to know to put your EQ to work / Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves.— 1st Fireside ed p cm Includes bibliographical references and index Emotional intelligence I Greaves, Jean II Title BF576.B73 2005 152.4—dc22 2005042593 ISBN 1-4165-4873-4 Discussion Questions relationship management) comes easiest for you? Which one takes more effort? For groups that decide to take the online Emotional Intelligence Appraisal test beforehand, you can bring your results and discuss them as follows 10 11 12 13 14 15 174 Without sharing specific numbers, which emotional intelligence score was your highest? Was your highest score much higher than the others, or were they relatively equal? Thinking back on growing up, what’s one experience that stands out for you in learning to recognize or manage your emotions? What about learning to recognize what other people are feeling and going through? What is an example from your life where you felt your emotions getting the best of you? What triggered the feelings? What happens to you physically when you feel this way? Looking back on it, how you feel about it now? What happened as a result of your feelings? What two lessons will you take away and try to implement after reading The Emotional Intelligence Quick Book? What will make practicing emotional intelligence skills most challenging for you? What would you like to know from the other people in the group about how they: Discussion Questions • • • • 16 17 18 19 Work on being more self-aware? Self-manage? Read feelings or emotions in other people? Manage relationships? In your job, how are emotions dealt with? Is there anything covered in the book that will help you in the next six months at work? How about the next week? How are emotional intelligence skills visible in current events today? Discuss politicians, celebrities, athletes, etc Can your group think of any historical figures or events that were influenced by either poor management or excellent management of emotions? Think of the teacher who had the greatest influence on your life How did this person approach emotions? 175 Acknowledgments he body of research supporting this book is the result of a tremendous effort by the bright and dedicated team of behavioral scientists at TalentSmart We wish to thank the backbone of this group by name and offer our sincerest expression of gratitude for their effort and commitment: Jean Riley, Quinn Sanders, Lac Su, and April West Their leadership, combined with the efforts of the rest of the research team, have been tremendous We would also like to thank everyone at TalentSmart for creating such a tremendous place to come to work each day Thank you to Shauna TillmanMangan for dedicating herself to public relations for this book She is instrumental to its success and has been a real asset from the moment she took the job We have worked with a slew of programmers, none of whom could match the skill, perseverance, and leadership of Les Brown Tremendous gratitude to our editor, Nancy Hancock, Sarah Peach, Lisa Sciambra, and the entire team at Simon & Schuster for embracing this book We received invaluable feedback as we wrote the manuscript and wish to thank the following individuals: Paul Brooks, Lilia Corpuz, Mark Greaves, Joyce Haak, Richard La China, Greg Olmstead, Giles Ray- T Acknowledgments mond, Antoinette Thomas, and Diane Wolfe A big thank-you to Dawn Sanders at Urban-Digital.com for creating the wonderful illustrations in this book We would like to thank those who have come before us in this field We are proud to be a part of the emotional intelligence community We wish to acknowledge the work of Daniel Goleman and are grateful for the use of his highly practical model of emotional intelligence We must also thank Peter Salovey, a man who is not only an impressive and enviable practitioner but also the epitome of high emotional intelligence Thank you to all of the TalentSmart certified trainers and clients who have launched emotional intelligence initiatives in their organizations Their insights have been a major contribution to this book We also appreciate the five-hundred-thousand-plus individuals who have participated in our applied research during the last decade I, Jean, thank my husband, Greg, for his unwavering love, his honest perspectives, and the extra family responsibilities he carried during key phases of completing this book Claire and Ingrid are my little loves, and I appreciate how patient and understanding they were while I wrote I, Travis, thank my wife for providing support and encouragement in the pursuit of my passion I thought it was only fitting that I began the chapter 178 Acknowledgments on relationships sitting next to you on an airplane If you remember that day, I was in the window seat, which you had given up so I could have more elbow room to write I know that you live for the window seat and offered it to me as a gesture of your support for this project That ride was a great metaphor for your support all along the way, and I am really glad you didn’t get sick from the turbulence! Thank you so very much for everything You are a bedrock of strength that helps me to fulfill my dreams Here’s to a smooth ride with a nice view from here to wherever we go together I love you 179 Index accountability, 70–71 American Heart Association, 51 American Psychological Association, 158 anger, 94, 95 anxiety, 48, 49, 50 arguments, 143–47 arrogance, discovery of, 92 assertiveness, 98 attention, 105–7 Badaracco, Joseph L., Jr., 120 Bartlett’s test of sphericity, 163 behavior: evaluation of, 59 irrational, 10 lasting change in, 85–87 and limbic system, 13 management of, 20, 29, 120 tendencies in, 96, 97–102 understanding, 27 Boisjoly, Roger, 125–27 Boyatzis, Richard, 21 brain: coping with stress, 51 electric signals to, 10–11 limbic system of, 11, 12 mapping of, 51 plasticity of, 81–83 rational and emotional centers of, 12, 13 training, 85–87 wiring of, 11, 13 cancer, 49–51 careers, 113–24 Carrey, Jim, 148–50 Catell’s scree test, 163 Challenger, 125–27, 135–36 Charles, Ray, 90–91, 97, 101, 102 children: coaching through conflict, 152–55 Emotional Intelligence Appraisal for, 73–74 emotional intelligence of, 151–52 mood swings of, 152–53 passive resistance of, 154–55 cognitive intelligence (IQ), 24, 25, 26, 27 Columbia space shuttle, 135–36 communication: clarifying questions, 107 and conflict, 121–24 emotions in, 108 getting your point across, 108–10 lack of, 122 managing interactions in, 32 pathway of, 11, 12 in self-management, 102 of tendencies, 98, 99 compromises, 144, 146 conflict: coaching through, 152–55 and communication, 121–24 Index conflict (cont.) interpersonal, 40, 121–22 quiet, 122 cooling-off period, 145 corporate culture, 40, 130–31 David (start-up company), 15–22 defensiveness, 110 depression, 48, 49 disagreements, 109–10, 143–45 divorce, 143 Drucker, Peter F., 92 e-learning activities, 62, 166 emotional awareness, team, 128–31 emotional intelligence: accountability in, 70–71 and achievement, 25 and age, 73 of children, 151–52 communication pathway of, 11, 12 control in, 13–14 development of, 150–51 in different professions, 41–42 e-learning activities in, 62, 166 flexibility of, 25, 26, 27, 52, 66–67 focus on, 67 four-skill model of, 20–21, 23 and happiness, 25 and health, 48–51 importance of, 58 as intangible, 24, 26 and job titles, 42–43, 44 lapses in, 13 living with, 155–56 manipulating others via, 71–73 182 measurement of, 158–59, 163 in one skill at a time, 69–70 and personality, 27 practicing skills of, 156 and professional excellence, 52–54 public interest in, 58–59 as social intelligence, 24–25, 27, 103–10 and success, 25, 52–54, 67–69 team, 127–28, 136–39 theory of, 159–60 traffic flows in, 13, 51 training programs in, 53–54, 117–21 what it is, 14–23 at work, 40, 113–24 Emotional Intelligence Appraisal, 57–64 accuracy of, 162 administration time for, 60–61, 159 applicability of, 160 for children, 73–74 comparison of scores, 62–63 design of, 164–65 distribution of scores, 161 expiration of, 160 goal-tracking system in, 62 how to take, 63–64 Me Edition, 158, 163 Multi-Rater (MR) Edition, 158, 163 normative samples of, 165 privacy in, 71, 160 profile in, 59–60, 62 purposes of, 61, 166 reliability of, 162–63 results of, 62–63, 156 Index scale in, 161 self-serving bias reduced in, 165–66 skill statements on, 165 Team Edition, 158 technical report on, 157–66 theory of emotional intelligence in, 159–60 validity of, 162–63 what it is, 158–59 emotion management, team, 128, 129, 131–32, 137–38 emotions: awareness of, 39–40, 128–31 of children, 152–55 dealing with, 10, 13, 40, 114, 120, 131–32 in disagreements, 145 five core, 94, 95 in interactions, 108–10 in limbic system, 11 minimizing, 92 motivating via, 131–32 negative, 21 physical sensations from, 94, 96 positive or negative impact of, 110 purpose for, 29 range of, 93–94, 120–21 repression of, 96 and thinking, 10–14 understanding, 145 empathy, 147 employee selection, 166 EQ, see emotional intelligence external relationship management, team, 128, 129, 134–36 fear, 94, 95 feedback, 110, 158 feelings, see emotions follow-through, 84 Gage, Phineas, 4–10, 11, 32–33 gender, labeling of, 41–42 goals, focus on, 98 Goleman, Daniel, 21, 159 Gottman, John, 143 happiness, 25, 49, 94, 95 Harvard Business Review, 127 health, 48–51 heart attack, 51 illness: recovery from, 50–51 and stress, 49–51 immune system, 49, 51 intelligence, use of term, 25 intelligence quotient (IQ), 24, 25, 26, 27 internal relationship management, team, 128, 129, 133–34 job performance, 52–54, 163 Johnson, Magic, 45–47 journal, 99 Kaiser-Meyer-Oklin analysis, 163 labels, 41–42 La China, Richard, 78–81 Lily (biotechnology), 14–23, 32 limbic system, 11, 12, 13 listening, 105–7 Lynne (conflict), 122–24 183 Index Magic Hour, The, 45–47 McKee, Annie, 21 Me Edition, 158, 163 mood swings, 152–53 motivation, 84–86, 131–32 Multi-Rater (MR) Edition, 158, 163 NASA, 125–27, 135–36 necessary, use of term, 164 neurons, 13 neuropeptides, 49 normative samples, 165 parenting, 148–56 coaching through conflict, 152–55 setting example in, 151–52 personal competence, 27, 28–30, 31, 89–102 leaning into discomfort, 92–97 managing your tendencies, 97–102 use of term, 91 personality, 25, 26, 27 perspective, 100–101, 138, 145–46, 148 Primal Leadership (Goleman et al.), 21, 159 principal component analysis, 163 professional excellence, 52–54 professions, studies of, 41–42 Rebecca (retail employee), 103–5 relationship management, 23, 62, 159 gender differences in, 41 in Lily’s case, 20, 22, 32 184 and social competence, 27, 30, 31, 32, 108 in teams, 128, 129, 133–36 relationships, 141–56 disagreements in, 143–45 discomfort in, 147 perspective in, 145–46, 148 repairs to, 143–48 social awareness in, 27, 32, 145–46, 147–48 reliability, of test, 162–63 Rogers Commission, 135–36 sadness, 94, 95 self-assessment, 158–59 self-awareness, 23, 27, 41, 62, 159 discomfort from, 92, 93 in Lily’s case, 20, 21 and personal competence, 28–29, 31 and relationship management, 30, 32, 145, 147 self-control, 9, 98 self-management, 23, 27, 62, 97–102, 159 discomfort from, 99 gender differences in, 41 in Lily’s case, 20, 21 in listening, 105–7 and personal competence, 28, 29–30, 31 perspective in, 100–101 and relationship management, 32 self-talk in, 101–2 self-perception, 40, 59 self-serving bias, 165–66 self-talk, 101–2 Index senses, 10, 105–6 shame, 94, 95 Shoemaker, Craig, 45–48 social awareness, 23, 31, 62, 159 gender differences in, 41 in Lily’s case, 20, 22 in relationships, 27, 32, 145–46, 147–48 social competence, 27, 30–32 social intelligence, 24–25, 103–10 getting your point across, 108–10 listening, 105–7 surveillance approach in, 106–7 spinal cord, 10, 12 stress, 40, 48, 49–51 coping with, 51 posttraumatic, 50 substance abuse, 48 sufficient, use of term, 164 suicide, 48 Sullivan, Louis, 36–39 surveillance approach, 106–7 emotional intelligence in, 127–28, 136–39 emotion management in, 128, 129, 131–32, 137–38 external relationship management in, 128, 129, 134–36 focus on bigger picture in, 138 internal relationship management in, 128, 129, 133–34 management skills in, 128, 129 uncertainty in, 138 understanding in, 137–38 tendencies, use of term, 130 tension, 48, 49 thermostat, internal, 94 thinking, and feeling, 10–14 Thorndike, E L., 24 unexpected visitor, 114–17, 118–20 validity, of test, 162–63 TalentSmart.com Web site, 58 TalentSmart Psychometric Research Team, report of, 157–66 Team Edition, 158 teamwork, 125–39 discomfort in, 137–38 emotional awareness in, 128–31 well-being, sense of, 49 work: and career success, 113–24 corporate culture at, 40, 130–31 job performance, 52–54, 163 teams at, 125–39 185 A b o u t Ta l e n t S m a r t The authors are the cofounders of TalentSmart, the leading provider of emotional intelligence tests, training, and consulting They offer an array of products and services to organizations worldwide, including a newsletter and free articles and white papers through their Web site TalentSmart offers the following: Emotional Intelligence Keynotes Have one of the authors deliver a dynamic presentation in your organization that will introduce emotional intelligence and inspire change and commitment Emotional Intelligence Training Take part in the most dynamic and engaging emotional intelligence training program available TalentSmart trainers teach through assessment, interactive exercises, and blockbuster Hollywood movies in a blended solution with bottomline impact Emotional Intelligence Certification Get certified to deliver the TalentSmart emotional intelligence training program Certification sessions run regularly across the country Visit www.talentsmart.com/eqcert BRAINS! Emotional Intelligence Training Video No more boring training videos! Brings emotional intelligence to life for your group using Hollywood movies, television, and historical events Emotional Intelligence PowerPoint A complete 23-slide presentation that introduces emotional intelligence and reviews the latest research and skill development strategies Emotional Intelligence Structured Interviewing Guide Eighty percent of successful hires have one thing in common: a high EQ Walks hiring managers and HR staff through interviewing and choosing candidates high in emotional intelligence To inquire about these and other solutions, contact us at: www.TalentSmart.com (888) 818-SMART About the Authors Drs Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves are the founders of TalentSmart, the leading provider of emotional intelligence tests, products, and training Their established reputation in the field of psychological testing includes coauthorship with Dr Ken Blanchard, the top-selling business author of all time and coauthor of The One Minute Manager Dr Bradberry is a captivating speaker and consultant, improving the performance of people and organizations around the globe His work has assisted leaders of Fortune 500 companies, all three branches of government including the U.S Senate, and even royalty abroad He holds a dual doctorate in clinical and industrial-organizational psychology Dr Greaves is an award-winning consultant, entrepreneur, and coach with twenty years’ experience helping organizations and people fulfill their potential She specializes in challenging periods of rapid growth, with a third of the Fortune 500 having benefited from her expertise She holds a doctorate in industrial-organizational psychology ... Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Bradberry, Travis The emotional intelligence quick book : everything you need to know to put your EQ to work / Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves. — 1st Fireside... trademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc The Emotional Intelligence Quick Book, TalentSmart, and the Emotional Intelligence Appraisal are trademarks of TalentSmart, Inc Visit us on the World Wide Web:... Us About the Need for Emotional Intelligence? THE IMPACT OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE How Does Emotional Intelligence Affect Your Health and Happiness? Contents II DISCOVER YOUR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE