the wedding night a popular history

Free ebooks ==> www.Ebook777.com www.Ebook777.com Free ebooks ==> www.Ebook777.com The Wedding Night www.Ebook777.com After enduring many hardships, Psyche accepts the embrace of the god of love and settles into a passionate, yet stable union A 17th-century neoclassical sculpture by Antonio Canova (Réunion des Musées Nationaux/Art Resource, New York.) The Wedding Night A Popular History Jane Merrill and Chris Filstrup Free ebooks ==> www.Ebook777.com Copyright 2011 by Jane Merrill and Chris Filstrup All rights reserved No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review, without prior permission in writing from the publisher Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Merrill, Jane The wedding night : a popular history / Jane Merrill and Chris Filstrup p cm Includes bibliographical references and index ISBN 978-0-313-39210-8 (hard copy : alk paper) — ISBN 978-0-313-39211-5 (ebook) Marriage customs and rites I Filstrup, Chris II Title GT2665.M47 2011 392.5—dc22 2011002672 ISBN: 978-0-313-39210-8 EISBN: 978-0-313-39211-5 15 14 13 12 11 This book is also available on the World Wide Web as an eBook Visit www.abc-clio.com for details Praeger An Imprint of ABC-CLIO, LLC ABC-CLIO, LLC 130 Cremona Drive, P.O Box 1911 Santa Barbara, California 93116-1911 This book is printed on acid-free paper Manufactured in the United States of America www.Ebook777.com Contents Acknowledgments vii Introduction ix Chapter 1: It Takes Two to Chapter 2: The Classical Three-Step: Establishing the Wedding Pattern 10 Chapter 3: Virginity to Consummation: The Rite of Passage 19 Chapter 4: Proceeding to the Royal Bedroom 32 Chapter 5: Merriment and Pranks 54 Chapter 6: Tobias Nights 66 Chapter 7: Early American Wedding Nights 76 Chapter 8: The Spousals of Native Americans 90 Chapter 9: Presidential Wedding Nights 99 Chapter 10: Elopement 112 Chapter 11: The Honeymoon 123 Chapter 12: Guide for the Perplexed 129 Chapter 13: Between the Sheets 146 vi CONTENTS Chapter 14: The Bride Wore Lingerie 160 Chapter 15: The Food of Love 174 Chapter 16: Arabian and Other Nights 184 Chapter 17: An Occasion for Mirth 206 Chapter 18: Do Not Disturb 222 Appendix: Wedding Nights on the Silver Screen 237 Index 247 Acknowledgments The debts owed for a book of this kind are far ranging and considerable, both because of the interdisciplinary nature of the subject and because ours is the first book to focus on it Our abundant thanks are due to the many scholars, experts, librarians, and curators who helped us to swim rather than sink in the extensive material we encountered We are especially grateful to our colleagues at the public library in Litchfield, Connecticut, and the university libraries at Stony Brook University For reading over chapters and for his comments on chapter 6, we thank Rabbi Howard S Hoffman We thank Barbara Lencheck, a superlative copy editor, and Laurie Filstrup for formatting and proofreading the entire book We also toast as if with flutes of bubbly the following individuals and institutions, listed in alphabetical order: Franco Barbacci, a gentleman of many parts; Martha Tomhave Blauvelt, social historian; Lynn Brickley, a historian of New England; Janie Chang, for letting us quote from When We Lived in Still Waters, a sparkling trove of stories of her Chinese family; Helen Cooper, professor of Medieval and Renaissance English, University of Cambridge; Jean De Jean, professor of French, University of Pennsylvania; John Endicott for le mot juste; Joanne M Ferraro, for the pleasure of reading her study Marriage Wars in Late Renaissance Venice; Henry F Graff, scholar of presidents and biographer of Grover Cleveland; Trebbe Johnson, sui generis authority on the folklore and psychology of the feminine; Sherry Goodman Luttrell, Director of Education, Berkeley Art Museum; the Mashantucket Pequot Museum and its highly informed viii ACKNOWLEDGMENTS staff; David Lee Miller, Spenserian and professor of English and Comparative Literature at the University of South Carolina; Carolyn Niethammer, esteemed interpreter and scholar of Native American societies; Barbara Penner, cultural history nonpareil and lecturer in architectural history at the University College, London The finest pieces of virtual wedding cake are also due to the outstanding reference team of the Westport Public Library in Westport, Connecticut Finally, several rosettes to our very special publisher, and especially to our very cool editor, Michael Wilt, for entrusting us with this unusual subject Free ebooks ==> www.Ebook777.com Introduction Le sort d’un mariage dépend de la première nuit (The fate of a marriage depends on the first night.) —Honoré de Balzac A kaleidoscopic array of cultural expressions constitutes the history of intimacy In this book we summarize a large literature in order to bring attention to an elusive yet identifiable moment—the couple’s traditional first night What follows the ritual party? What leads to the honeymoon? The wedding night is not the icing on the cake but the jam that holds together the layers of the wedding experience Each thing that the bride or groom is told or thinks of doing or that wedding guests or members of the community think of doing with regard to the wedding night has more tradition than anyone may imagine at first blink For instance, men have been carrying their brides over the threshold at least since ancient Greece Finnish philosopher and sociologist Edward Westermarck’s massive study of marriage customs, The History of Human Marriage,1 finds the practice all over the world The sill on the ground, which separates the outside from the inside of a house and over which people pass daily without a thought, on the wedding night takes on a magical quality One of Westermarck’s examples comes from Wales, where “it was very unlucky for a bride to place her feet on or near the threshold,” and “trouble was in store for the maiden who preferred walking into the house.”2 From this example, we sense evil spirits lurking at www.Ebook777.com APPENDIX 243 intercourse One of the women wonders what one would after that, to which Judy replies, “Join the army.” The movie winds down with Judy falling in love with Henri, a wealthy but inappropriate French fiancé—he abuses his dog, sleeps with the maid, obsesses over an old lover, requires Judy to sign a prenuptial contract leaving him all his property in the event of a divorce—but this time, at the altar, Judy realizes her impending mistake, breaks off the wedding by flooring Henri with a sucker punch, and, dressed in a white gown, walks away from family and wedding guests into an unknown future on her own terms MARY SHELLEY’S FRANKENSTEIN (1994) The movie has a different feel and mobility from the book Rather than rely on the Prometheus plot of Victor’s downfall from the godlike height of creation, the movie emphasizes the coming of age of Victor Frankenstein, played by Kenneth Branagh, and his adopted sister, Elizabeth, played by Helena Bonham Carter When they reach maturity, Victor proposes to Elizabeth But they are too much brother and sister, and Elizabeth demurs, pushing him to study science in Ingolstadt while she takes on the role of substitute for Victor’s mother, who has died giving birth to a baby boy Mary Shelley’s point is that they need to mature as adults before they can share a bed In Ingolstadt, Victor becomes obsessed with using electricity to create life—“No one need ever die”—and stops sending letters back home Alarmed, Elizabeth travels to Ingolstadt to persuade Victor to leave the cholera-stricken city and marry her back in Geneva, but Victor, fully the mad scientist, chooses his work in the lab over his love So, the wedding night is delayed a second time Elizabeth returns home and drapes her wedding dress in black Victor succeeds in creating a new being by combining parts of various cadavers and applying voltage, and of course his monster escapes the lab and roams the countryside as an unwanted creature After observing a peasant family, the monster comes to the realization that he needs a mate, a bride Victor returns to Geneva to wed Elizabeth, and there the monster confronts him and orders him to create a companion female monster But the process is too much for Victor, who finally refuses the request The monster, without prospect of a bride, vows revenge on Victor’s loved ones Victor marries Elizabeth and walks into an action-packed wedding night In the midst of passionate embraces on the nuptial bed, Victor is called to defend the estate against the marauding monster He leaves Elizabeth alone, and the monster attempts to rape her Victor intervenes, and, in a rage, the monster tears out Elizabeth’s heart and flees At this point, the 244 APPENDIX movie departs from the book In the movie, during the wedding night, Victor returns to his lab and restores life to his bride by attaching her head to a cadaver that has a heart The result is a monstrous Elizabeth, grossly stitched together and deformed In a bizarre scene, Victor tries to restore her affection for him by dancing with her Again, the monster enters the wedding night and invites Elizabeth to join him as his mate Elizabeth is torn between the two men, between herself as human and as monster She resolves the test of male wills by immolating herself Thus ends Victor’s wedding night, several times postponed and never consummated BRAVEHEART (1995) Both the Best Director and the Best Picture Oscars for 1995 went to Mel Gibson and his epic adventure Braveheart, in which Gibson also starred as the 13th-century Scottish hero Sir William Wallace, who led Scotland’s rebellion against English rule In 2009, the film was second on a list of “the most historically inaccurate movies” that appeared in the English newspaper The Times, but the writer of the screenplay, Randall Wallace, a descendant of the real Braveheart, defended his work by claiming that he got the spirit of the times right A romance precedes the battles and sets the plot in motion In an early scene, King Edward I of England, known as Edward Longshanks because he is tall and skinny, supervises the wedding of his son to Isabelle, the daughter of the rival king of France It is rumored that, for the princess to conceive, Longshanks has to the honors himself We presume that Longshanks has the disgusting idea of bedding his son’s bride in that the role of French princess is played by the lovely Sophie Marceau A connection is then made with a political strategy Edward devises to quash the Scottish rebellion—that the king will grant primae noctis; that is, an English landowner will have the right to have sex on the first night with any common girl who marries The king’s pithy line in the script is “If we can’t get them out, we’ll breed them out!” Cut to a village wedding where the English lord demands primae noctis He makes a speech to explain to moviegoers what’s at stake—“As lord I’ll bless the marriage by taking the bride into my bed the first night.” One of the soldiers holds a knife blade to the throat of the bridegroom until the bride, wearing her crown of orange blossoms, gives her new husband a long kiss and, to save their lives, goes off on the saddle with the overlord in obedience to the law Braveheart is portrayed as a young man who has traveled, who woos his love in poetic French, and who wants to farm and raise a family, not fight He and his beloved are married secretly by a priest—even with the APPENDIX 245 girl’s father’s consent, they would otherwise have to cope with the royal decree of primae noctis But soon the couple is indiscreet, the English discover their “lawlessness,” and theirs becomes the match that strikes the light of the rebellion MARIE ANTOINETTE (2006) The latest of several movie versions of the life of the famous queen, this one includes the formal bedding of the princess, played by Kirsten Dunst, and the dauphin, played by Jason Schwartzman Several dozen courtiers surround the nuptial bed as the royals seat themselves on the spacious bed The priest gives the Church’s blessings, and the king stands at the foot of the bed and pronounces, “Good luck and good work.” The next morning, the king’s mistress tells him that nothing occurred In the bedroom, Marie Antoinette awakes to find the room filled with her ladiesin-waiting In a funny scene, the dauphine is undressed and stands naked before the French ladies as the lady in charge of protocol, played by Judy Davis, decides which lady-in-waiting has sufficient rank to hand the Austrian princess her undergarments Covered at last, Marie Antoinette observes of the proceedings, “This is ridiculous.” To which the mistress of protocol responds, “This is Versailles.” THE HEARTBREAK KID (2007) In this remake of the 1972 hit, Eddie, played by Ben Stiller, is facing a life of lonely bachelorhood when he fails to prevent a mugger from stealing a passerby’s purse The owner of the purse, Leila, played by Malin Akerman, shows up at Eddie’s sporting goods store, and romance ensues Urged by his father and his best friend to marry the beautiful woman, Eddie quickly proposes, and they head to the altar On the honeymoon, Eddie discovers that he and Leila are not a good match Driving to their honeymoon destination, Leila obsessively sings along to the radio, whereas Eddie would like to drive in silence They disagree on how to spend their time at the resort To relieve the growing tension, Leila proposes that they stop at a motel for a sexual romp In the first night (afternoon, really), Leila is sexually dominant, asking Eddie to engage in such acrobatics as the jackhammer, Swedish helicopter, and inverted corkscrew, all the while instructing him, “Tell me how you like it.” When Eddie inquires whether they could just it in the missionary position, Leila asks, “What’s that?” She agrees, as long as Eddie can power-drive her The next morning at breakfast, Leila is ravenous and chatty, whereas Eddie is quiet and pensive Their hasty marriage is 246 APPENDIX headed for quarrels and misunderstandings, complicated by Eddie’s falling in love with another woman at the honeymoon resort NOTE Jacqueline Susann’s Valley of the Dolls made famous the dangers of male sexual overexertion during sex Free ebooks ==> www.Ebook777.com Index Adams, John Quincy, 100, 147 Akkadian (Semitic language) recorded wedding customs, 11 Album (wedding album), 170 – 71 All Dressed in White (Wallace), 77 Amor and Psyche (love story), 26 – 28 And the Bride Wore (Monsarrat), 58, 123 Anecdotes of wedding night experiences: first vs second marriage, 231; getting through the ceremony, 223 – 24; green wedding night, 233; honeymoon before wedding, 226; intervention of life, 228 – 29; little mishaps, 229 – 31; marriage making relationship more special, 234 – 345; nervousness, 225 – 26; off to a poor start, 227 – 28; old and new habits, 225; parental expectations, 226 – 27; Plaza Hotel post-reception party, 233; real vs imagined experiences, 235 – 36; sweet sex, 231 – 33; two weddings before honeymoon, 224 – 25; Vega wedding night, 233 – 34 Anne of Cleves, 42, 43 – 46 Antigone (Sophocles), 10 Antoinette, Marie, 48 – 49, 51, 64, 158, 250 Apache (Western Apache) Native Americans, 96 – 97 Aphrodisiacs, 179 – 80, 181 Apocrypha (from Christian Bible), 69 – 70 Aristotle, 210 – 11 Arnault, Antoine-Vincent, 61 – 62 Asmodeus (Jewish demon), 72 Astrological determination of virginity, 21 Auguste, Sophie Fredericke (Catherine the Great), 49 – 50 Australopithecus afarensis (Lucy, 1974), Bachelor parties, 56 – 57 Bacon, Francis, 130 Balogh, Mary, 202 – Balzac, Honoré de, 132 – 33 www.Ebook777.com 248 Barrett, Elizabeth, 117 – 18 The Barretts of Wimpole Street movies, 117 – 18 The Bed (Maupassant), 149 – 50 Bed(s): blessing of, 38 – 39, 48; in colonial America, 155 – 56; in different marriages (author’s description), 146 – 49; display of consummation sheet, 37; escorting bride to, 38, 40; of Europe (1600s – 1700s), 154 – 55; historical background, 151 – 53; human choice for, 6; in Mesopotamian myth, 12; of Michael Caine, 157; praise of, by Maupassant, 149 – 50; preparation (in ancient Greece), 15; refusal of, by bride, 42; rigging, by pranksters, 63; royal beds, 151 – 53; second best beds, 157 – 58; of Shirley Temple Black, 156 – 57; signature beds, 149 – 50; teenager reading in, 23 – 26; unmade beds, 158 – 59; in Victorian era, 156 Bergson, Henri, 208 Berkeley Art Museum, 92 – 93 Berle, Milton, 208 – 9, 216, 218 Bettleheim, Bruno, 184 Bible: Apocrypha (Christian bible), 69 – 70; on humans vs chimps, – 2; marriage in the Jewish bible, 66 – 69; replacing the bride (Genesis), 58 See also Christianity; Genesis; Jewish marriage (from the Bible) Birth control pills, 21 – 22 Black, Shirley Temple, 156 – 57 Blount, Thomas, 124 Boece, Hector, 22 Boleyn, Anne, 41, 42, 43 Book of Good Love (Ruiz), 179 – 80 Book of Tobit (Jewish “novella”), 69 – 71 Borgherini, Salvi, 152 Bouvier, Jacqueline, 101 Brautmystik (“mystic bride”), 19 INDEX Bridal bed See Bed(s) The Bridal Chamber and Its Mysteries (Thompson), 126 Bridal chambers, 10, 13, 56, 78, 79, 126, 140 Bridal procession interruption, 59 – 60 Bronte, Charlotte, 124 Browning, Robert, 117 – 18 Buchanan, James, 99 Bundling custom, 85 – 87 Burns, George, 207 Busman’s Honeymoon (Sayers), 198 – 200 Caine, Michael, 157 Calvino, Italo, 27 – 28 Campbell, Mrs Patrick, 146 The Canterbury Tales (Chaucer), 189 – 90 Caribaria (headache) custom, 61 – 62 Carlin, George, 210 Carter, Jimmy and Rosalynn, 101 Catherine of Aragon, marriages, 38 – 41, 45 Catullus, 10 Charivari (French folk custom), 62 – 63 Chaucer, Geoffrey, 189 – 90 Cheating (on mate), – 6, 21 Cherokee Native Americans, 95 Chess compared with romance, 32 – 33 Chimpanzees: compared to humans, – 3; and fatherhood, – 5; intercourse position, 7; kissing behavior, 7; sexual privacy, 6; social cooperation, – Chipewyan Native Americans, 93 – 94 Chocolate, 180 – 82, 232 – 33, 235 Chopin, Kate and Oscar, 126 – 27 Christianity: Apocrypha books, 69 – 70; assumptions about monogamy, 68; belief about Adam and Eve, 66 – 67; biblical sexual INDEX restraint, 140; blessing of the marriage bed (medieval England), 144; celibacy preference, 35; conversion to, for finding husband, 36; distaste for sex as pleasure, 144; God’s representation, 1; labeling of Greek myths, 13; “muscular Christianity,” 71; nobility as virtue, 189 – 90; Paul on virginity, 19, 35; Song of Solomon, 68 – 69; Tobias Nights tradition, 71 Chuppah (Jewish marriage canopy), 19 – 20 Churchill, Winston and Clementine, 127 – 28 Civil War soldier wedding night desire, 82 – 85 Cleland, John, 25, 193 – 94 Cleveland, Grover and Frances, 106 – Clinton, Bill and Hillary, 110 Cohabitation (living together), 16, 91, 144, 222, 226, 232, 239 – 40 Colonial wedding night traditions, 77 – 78 Comfort, Alex, 129 – 30 Commitment aversion, 29 – 30 Complete Guide to Forms of a Wedding (1852), 137 Comstock, Anthony, 143 Concoctions, 180, 181 “Coniunctio” (inner marriage), 27 Conjugal bed See Bed Consummation of marriage: Amor and Psyche (love story), 26 – 28; for bonding of couples, 22; in Book of Tobit, 70 – 71; Colonial New England, 78; display of sheet, 37; double wedding nights, 27 – 28; failures, 22 – 23; Greek ritual, 13 – 15; in Measure for Measure, 58; Roman ritual, 17 See also Virginity Coolidge, Calvin, 101 “Courting stick” (Colonial New England), 78 249 Courtship: bundling tradition, 85 – 87; celibacy during, 226; Civil War soldier, 83; Jacob of Rachel (Genesis), 67; living together and, 146; Native American customs, 91 – 95; Robert Browning of Elizabeth Barrett, 117 – 18; by royalty, 34; in writings of Marsh, Sr., 207; in writings of McEwan, 205; in writings of Sayers, 202; writings of Spenser, 190 – 91, 195 Cousins, Leigh, 175 Craddock, Ida, 141 – 42 Creationist view point, – cummings, e e., 19 Custis, Martha Dandridge, 99 Dangerfield, Rodney, 216 – 17 Daniel Deronda (Eliot), 196 – 97 Danson, Larry, 157 – 58 Darwin, Charles, – 2, 72, 138 Deflowering risks, 22 Delaroche, Paul, 158 Denis Fustel de Coulanges, Numa, 13 Divorce: in ancient Rome, 16; Arthur from Catherine, 41 – 42; of author (self-description), 146, 148; as back door (Freud), 29; early 19th century prohibition, 206; by Henry VIII, 41, 42, 43, 45; Napoleon from Josephine, 51, 64; in Native American culture, 93, 95; quickie divorces (U.S.), 118; by Rachel Jackson, 101 – 2; by Ronald Reagan, 99 Dog in nuptial bed (prank), 64 – 65 Donne, John, 147, 193 Double wedding nights, 27 – 28 Drake, Sir Francis, 91 – 92 Ducasse, Isidore, 23 The Duchess (Small), 160 Dumuzi (Mesopotamian goddess), 11 – 12 Duncan, Isadora, 138 Dundes, Alan, 217 250 Early American customs, 76 – 88; bundling, 85 – 87; Civil War soldier, 82 – 85; Massachusetts/ Maine, 78 – 79; Plymouth Colony, 77 – 78; Romantics, 82; Transcendentalists, 80 – 82 East African tradition, 72 Eastern / Western Europe customs, 59 Edward VIII marriage to Wallis Simpson, 34 Eisenhower, Dwight and Mamie, 100, 109 – 10 Electra complex (Freud), 213 Eliot, George, 196 – 97 Elisabeth (Austrian Empress), 165 – 66 Elkton, Maryland elopements, 118 – 20 Elopement, 42; author’s childhood fantasies about, 112 – 13; in Elkton, Maryland, 118 – 20; in Gretna Green (Scotland), 113 – 17; of Robert Browning and Elizabeth Barrett, 117 – 18; use of ladders, 121 – 22; in Wellsburg, West Virginia, 120 – 21 Emerson, Ralph Waldo, 80 Epaulia (morning after wedding), 15 – 16 Everything You Wanted to Know about Sex but Were Afraid to Ask (Reuben), 144 Families that marry each other See Royal marriages Fanny Hill; or, Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure (Cleland), 25, 193 – 94 Fathers, domesticated, – Fertile Crescent customs (Mesopotamia), 11 – 13 Fillmore, Millard and Abigail, 104 – First Ladies See Presidential wedding nights The Fleshly Prelude (Sermaise), 138 Fontaine, Joan, 119 INDEX Foods of love: aphrodisiacs, 179 – 80, 181; bride-cakes, 177; chocolate, 180 – 82, 232 – 33, 235; choice of eating, 174 – 75; concoctions, 180, 181; drink, 178; mead, 179; under the pillows, 176 – 77; posset, 39, 78, 175, 178; soups, 182; wedding parties, 176; wine, 78, 104, 178, 179, 199 “Foolish food” custom, 61 Four Weddings and a Funeral film, 57 Frankenstein; or, the Modern Prometheus (Shelley), 194 – 96 Franklin, Ben, 147 Freud, Sigmund, 22 – 23, 206, 211 – 12 Galland, Antoine, 185 Gellatly, John and Edith, 88 Genesis (Bible): Adam and Eve focus, 67; family structure, 67 – 68; fertility/biological dominance focus, 66 – 67; replacing the bride episode, 58 See also Jewish marriage (from the Bible) Glossographia (Blount), 124 God: creation of humans and chimps, – 2; Middle Ages/wedding night invocation, 39; “mystic bride” concept, 19; royals and pious living, 34 Godey’s Ladies Book magazine, 165 The Golden Ass (Apuleius), 26 Goldsmith, Oliver, 136 Gone with the Wind (Mitchell), 197 – 98 Gorilla sex habits, Graham, Sylvester, 140 Grant, Julia Dent, 100 Greece (ancient Greece): consummation in nuptial bed, 15; epaulia (morning after wedding), 15 – 16; giving away by father, 13; jokes about sexual excess, 209 – 10; marriage outside family, 13; Mars, Venus, Minerva mythology, 58; INDEX procession to husband’s home, 13 – 14; struggle at bridegroom’s doorstep, 14 – 15; throwing objects at bride, 60; wedding poems, 187 – 89 Grenfell, Frances (“Fanny”), 73 – 74 Gretna Green (Scotland) elopements, 113 – 17 Gugnoni, Daniel, 150 Gypsy deflowering customs, 22 Hanchett, Henry, 141 The Hangover (bachelor party film), 56 – 57 Harding, Florence, 101 Harding, Warren, 99 Harrison, William Henry, 102 Hawthorne, Nathaniel, 80 – 82 Hawthorne, Sophia A (letter to mother), 80 – 82 Headache (caribaria ) custom, 61 – 62 Henry IV, 33, 151 Henry VIII, 41 – 46, 48 – 49 Hiawatha See Song of Hiawatha (Longfellow) Hicks, Annie, 76 The History of Human Marriage (Westermarck), 71 Hominids: discovery of Lucy, – 4, 7; emergence of, – 8; erogenous zone evolution, Honeymoons, 123 – 28; in The Barretts of Wimple Street movie, 118; of Charlotte Bronte and Arthur Nicholls, 124; of the Chopins, 126 – 27; of the Churchills, 127 – 28; of the Clevelands, 107 – 8; of the Clintons, 110; of the Coolidges, 101; of Crown Prince Ferdinand and Marie, 127; of the Fillmores, 105; of Herman Melville and “Lizzie” Shaw, 124 – 25; of John and Julia Tyler, 103 – 4; of the Lincolns, 105; of the Lindberghs, 87; in The Long, Long Trailer 251 movie, – 4; Lynn Redgrave’s story, 28 – 29; pranks, 63; of the Reagans, 101 Hopi Native Americans, 94 – 95, 97 Howard, Catherine, 42 “How to Go to Bed” theme (La Vie Parisienne), 167 Hugo, Victor, 133 Humans: compared to chimps, – 3; creationist vs traditionalist view point, – 2; and fatherhood, – 5; kissing behavior, 7; ovulation, 6; sexual privacy, 6; social cooperation, – Hymen (Roman god of marriage), 16 Inanna (Mesopotamian goddess), 11 – 12 Incorporation phase of marriage rite of passage (ancient Greece), 14 – 15 Instruction and Advice for the Young Bride (Smyther), 141 An Intimate History of Humanity (Zeldin), 133 Islam, belief about Adam and Eve, 66 – 67 It’s a Wonderful Life film, 53 Jackson, Andrew and Rachel, 100, 101 – Jefferson, Thomas, 100 Jewish marriage (from the Bible), 66 – 71; belief about Adam and Eve, 66 – 67; biblical wedding description, 68; centrality to Israelites, 68; laws and traditions, 19 – 20; normalcy of sexuality, 68 – 69; patriarchal family structure, 67 – 68; relationship of Adam and Eve, 66 – 67 Johnson, Lyndon Baines, 101 Johnson, Trebbe, 27 Joining blankets (Native American custom), 95 252 “Jokes and Their Relation to the Unconscious” (Freud), 211 – 12 Joke topics: bride as questionable virgin, 212 – 13; mismatched sexual desire, 215 – 18; naïve brides and grooms, 213 – 15; sexual excess, 208 – 12; types of, 207 Joseph, Franz, 165 – 66 Josephine, marriage to Napoleon, 50 – 51 Joy of Sex (Comfort), 129 – 30, 132 Jung, Carl, 27 Jus primae noctis (“law of the first night”), 22 Kant, Immanuel, 211 Keats, John, 136 Kellogg, John, 141 Kennedy, John, 101 Kingsley, Charles, 66, 72 – 74 Kissing: chimps vs humans, 7; Napoleon’s recollection, 50, 64; Queen Victoria’s recollection, 52 Kling, Florence, 99 Ladders used for elopement, 121 – 22 The Lady’s Realm of London, 165 Lahr, Bert, 119 Lapland, testing of bridge and groom, 63 – 64 La Vie Parisienne fashion rag, 167 Les Chants de Maldoror (Ducasse), 23 “Let’s Do It (Let’s Fall in Love)” song (Porter), 129 Libro de Buen Amor (Ruiz), 179 – 80 Like Water for Chocolate movie, 164 Lincoln, Abraham and Mary Todd, 105 – Lindbergh, Charles and Anne, 87 – 88 Lingerie (bridal lingerie), 160 – 63; ancient Rome, 161; Edwardian era, 167 – 68; erotic element, 163; fabrics for making, 171 – 72; imperial China, 161; lace (silk or cotton), 169 – 70; late 19th century, INDEX 166 – 67; male nightshirt, 162; nakedness, 161 – 62; nightgownpantaloon combination, 163; ready-made garments, 162; Renaissance era, 162; 20th century, 168 – 69; Victorian era, 162, 163; in the wedding album, 170 – 71 Lippard, George, 126 Le Lit (Maupassant), 149 – 50 Literature: ancient Greece and Rome (poems), 187 – 89; Busman’s Honeymoon, 198 – 200; The Canterbury Tales, 189 – 90; On Chesil Beach, 201 – 2; Daniel Deronda, 196 – 97; of Edmund Spenser (poems), 190 – 92; Fanny Hill, 193 – 94; Frankenstein; or, the Modern Prometheus, 194 – 96; Gone with the Wind, 197 – 98; of John Donne (poems), 193; A Matter of Class, 202 – 4; novels, 193; Ship of Fools, 200 – 201; The Thousand and One Nights, 184 – 86 Living together, 16, 91, 144, 222, 226, 232, 239 – 40 The Long, Long Trailer movie, – Longfellow, Henry Wadsworth, 91 Louis XIV (King of France), 46, 61, 155, 170, 181 Louis XVIII (King of France), 61 Love at first sight, 93 – 94 Love’s Initiation, or the Art of Being Loved and Giving Pleasure (Rhazis), 134 Lucy (hominid, early human) discovery, – 4, Luttrell, Sherry G., 92 – 93 Madison, Dolley, 101 Malcolm III (Scottish King), 22 Male and Female (Mead), – Manus (hand of Roman father), 16 “The Man Who Came Out Only at Night” (Calvino), 27 – 28 INDEX Marie Antoinette, 48 – 49, 51, 64, 158, 250 Marie de Medici, marriage to Henry IV, 33 Marriage Act (1753, England), 114 Marriage contracts: Colonial New England “pre-contract,” 13 – 15; family contract vs affectionate union, 155; Greek four-part ritual, 13 – 15; in Jewish religion, 69 – 71; in Mesopotamia, 13; Native American joining blankets, 95; of royalty, 44; in Scotland, 114 The Marriage House (Gretna Green, Scotland), 114 – 15 Married Love (Stopes), 138 Massachusetts/Maine (early American) customs, 78 – 79 Masturbation, 141 – 42 A Matter of Class (Balogh), 202 – Maupassant, Guy de, 149 – 50 McEwan, Ian, 201 – McFadden, Martha, 29 Mead, Margaret, – Mead on wedding night, 179 Measure for Measure (Shakespeare), 58 Memories of wedding nights See Anecdotes of wedding night experiences Merriment and pranks, 54 – 65; bachelor parties, 56 – 57; caribaria (headache) custom, 61 – 62; charivari (French folk custom), 62 – 63; dog in nuptial bed, 64 – 65; foolish food custom, 61; interrupting the bridal procession, 59 – 60; Laplander testing of bride and groom, 63 – 64; replacing the bride, 58; roasts (poking fun events), 54; shoes tied to rear of car, 63; snatching the bride/groom, 57; tin-kettling (Australia), 55; Upfield/The Sands of Time, 54 – 56 Mesopotamian wedding patterns, 10 – 13; Akkadian language songs 253 and hymns, 11; marriage contracts, 13; recognition of sexual bonds, 12 Metcalf, Herbert, 76 Middle Ages: chess-romance comparison, 32 – 33; English traditions, 38 – 39; lace lingerie, 170; royal marriages, 35; sexual curiosity, 131 Mikvah (Jewish ritual bath), 19 Les Misérables (Hugo), 133 Mismatched sexual desire jokes, 215 – 18 Mitchell, John and Martha, 119 Mitchell, Margaret, 197 – 98 Monsarrat, Anne, 58, 123 Morris, Desmond, “Muscular Christianity” (Kingsley), 72, 136 Music, dance and courtship (Native American customs), 94 – 95 The Naked Ape (Morris), Napoleon, marriage to Josephine, 50 – 51, 64 – 65 Native Americans: Colonial wedding description, 97 – 98; divorce by woman, 93; Hopi customs, 94 – 95, 97; joining blankets tradition, 95; music, dance, courtship, 94 – 95; Papago customs, 96; patriarchal family structure, 93 – 94; Plains societies living customs, 95 – 96; Song of Hiawatha, 90 – 93; wedding fashions, 92; Western Apache customs, 96 – 97 Neumann, Erich, 26 New England See Early American customs Newlyweds on Tour (Penner), 125 Newman, John Henry, 72 Night Dances (Sioux Native Americans), 94 Nights of nothing (royal marriages), 48 – 49 254 Nonperformance on wedding nights: Henry VIII, 48 – 49; Karl Peter, 49 – 50 Nuns, as brides of Christ, 19 Nuptial bed See Bed(s) Nuts, association with male sexuality, 60 Nympheutria (marriage ceremony specialist), 14 The Odyssey (Homer), 25 Of Studies (Bacon), 130 On Chesil Beach (McEwan), 201 – Orgasm: Craddock on, 142; evolution of, The Origin of the Species (Darwin), Orwell, George, 208 Ovulation, humans and baboons, Papago Native Americans, 96 Parr, Catherine, 42 Paul’s second letter to Corinthians (11:2), 19 Penner, Barbara, 125 – 26 Physiologie d’Amour (Balzac), 132 Pierce, Jane, 100 Plains Native American societies, 95 – 96 Plato, 210 – 11 Plutarch, 14, 176 Plymouth Colony traditions, 77 – 78 Police brutality, Polish weddings, 212 Polk, James and Sarah Childress, 100 Porter, Cole, 129 Porter, Katherine Anne, 200 – 201 Porter, Martha Byrd, 123 Posset (curdled boiled milk with wine or ale), 39, 78, 175, 178 Powell, Colin and Alma, 100 Practical jokes See Merriment and pranks Presidential wedding nights, 99 – 110; Abraham and Mary Lincoln, 105 – 6; Bill and Hillary Clinton, INDEX 110; Dwight and Mamie Eisenhower, 109 – 10; Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt, 108 – 9; Grover and Frances Cleveland, 106 – 8; John and Julia Gardiner Tyler, 102 – 5; John and Letitia Tyler, 102 – 4; Millard and Abigail Fillmore, 104 – “Pre-wedding contract” (Colonial New England), 78 Proxy (royal) marriages, 46 – 48 Puritan wedding, 176 The Quaker City (Lippard), 126 Reagan, Ronald and Nancy, 99, 101 Redgrave, Lynn, 28 – 29 Religious beliefs and practices, 19 – 21 See also Christianity; Jewish marriage Reproduction, 5, 144 Reuben, David, 144 Richter, Jean Paul, 206 Ritualized rape, 14 Roasts(poking fun events), 54 Romance compared with chess, 32 – 33 Roman Empire (ancient Rome): bride throwing nuts at well-wishers, 60; customs of wedding night, 60; joke anthology collection, 210; jokes about sexual excess, 209 – 10; mythology of wedding night, 59; wedding patterns, 16 – 17; wedding poems, 187 – 89 Romantic era customs, 82, 158 Romeo and Juliet (Shakespeare), 112 – 13, 187 Roosevelt, Franklin Delano and Eleanor, 108 – Royal beds, 151 – 55 Royal marriages: Alexandra to Nicholas, 52; Catherine-King Arthur marriage controversy, 38 – 41; Charles I to Henrietta Maria, INDEX 40; Edward VIII to Wallis Simpson, 34; Ferdinand to Isabella, 37; George III to Charlotte, 40; Josephine to Napoleon, 50 – 51; Juana to Archduke Philip, 37; male wedding night nonperformance, 48 – 50; Margaret to Prince Juan, 37; Maria to King Manuel, 37; Marie de Medici to Henry IV, 33; Mary Rose Tudor to Louis XII, 42; Mary to William, Prince of Orange, 40; Philip II to Ingeborg, 35 – 37; proxy marriages, 46 – 48; Sophie Fredericke Auguste to Karl Peter, 49 – 50; Theodora to Justinian, 34 – 35; Victoria to Albert, 32 – 33; wives of Henry VIII, 41 – 46 Ruth, Babe, 119 The Sands of Windee (Upfield), 54 – 56 Sanger, Margaret, 143 Sayers, Dorothy, 198 – 200 Separation phase or marriage rite of passage (ancient Greece), 13 Sermaise, Robert, 139 Sex manuals, 129 – 32, 141 Sexual excess jokes, 208 – 12 Sexual ignorance jokes, 213 – 15 Sexual intercourse: in On Chesil Beach, 201; Chinese custom, 161; in Cole Porter song, 130; in French literature, 131 – 34; jokes about, 209, 210, 213, 217; in mid19th-century England, 136 – 39; missionary position, 7; nuptial vs out of wedlock (Medieval era), 34; privacy issues, 6; representation of intimacy, 29 – 31; in Russian literature, 134 – 36; sex before commitment, 28 – 31; and sexual curiosity, 131; in the United States, 139 – 44; “We are Adam & Eve” as, 82 Sexual privacy, of humans and chimpanzees, 255 Sexual restraint (Matthew 5:27-28), 140 Seymour, Jane, 42, 43 Shakespeare, William, 58, 112 – 13, 157 – 58, 162, 187 Sheets (wedding sheet), 37, 164 Ship of Fools (Porter), 200 – 201 Sioux Native Americans, 94 Small, Beatrice, 160 Smyther, Ruth, 141 Song of Hiawatha (Longfellow), 91 Song of Solomon (Christian Bible), 68 – 69 Song of Songs (Jewish Bible), 68 – 69 Sonnets from the Portuguese (Browning), 117 – 18 Sophocles, 10, 14 Spenser, Edmund, 190 – 92 Stag night, 56 – 57 Stockkham, Alice Bunker, 141 Stopes, Marie, 138 Straight Down a Crooked Lane (Porter), 123 Tableau de l’Amour Conjugal (Venette), 132 Talleyrand, Charles Maurice de, 61 Thompson, George, 126 The Thousand and One Nights (900 C.E.), 184 – 86 Tin-kettling (Australian pre-marriage celebration), 55 Tobit, Book of, 69 – 71 Tohono O’odman Native Americans, 96 Tokology: A Book for Every Woman (Stockham), 141 Tolstoy, Leo and Sonya, 134 – 36 Transcendentalist customs, 80 – 82 Transition phase of marriage rite of passage (ancient Greece), 13 – 14 Trousseau, 171 – 72; of Duchess of Windsor, 169; Edwardian era, 168; Franz Joseph’s fretting over, 166; growth in physical size, 165 – 66; 256 historical background, 164 – 65; late 1800s, 163; in Like Water for Chocolate, 164; of Sonya Tolstoy, 135 Troy Brook Visions (bed makers), 150 Truman, Bess, 100 Tudor, Mary Rose, 42 Two-parent caregiving, – Tyler, John, 101 – Tyler, Julia (second wife of John), 103 – Tyler, Letitia (first wife of John), 102 – An Unmade Bed watercolor (Delaroche), 158 Upfield, Arthur, 54 – 56 Urine of virgins (Medieval test), 21 Vagina: fit of penis with, 142; Henry’s search for intact hymen, 45; Medieval virginity tests, 21; position/ hominid intercourse, Vaginal orgasm, 142 Venette, Nicholas, 132 Vestal Virgins (ancient Rome), 16 Victoria and Albert (Queen and husband Prince), 32 – 33, 52 Victorian era: “muscular Christianity,” 72, 136 Virginity, 19 – 31; Amor and Psyche (love story), 26 – 28; author’s personal recollection, 23 – 25; Christian and Jewish beliefs, 19 – 20; as joke topic, 212 – 13; jus primae noctis (“law of the first night”), 22; INDEX lack of, as badge of honor, 21 – 22; Medieval tests, 21; pre-modern time beliefs, 28; risks of deflowering, 22; Roman’s Vestal Virgins, 16; Sappho’s song representation, 15; sense of personal comfort from, 30; views of Paul, 19, 35 See also Consummation of marriage Wallace, Carol, 77 Washington, George, 99 Washington, George and Martha, 101 The Wedding Night (Craddock), 141 – 43 Wedding party foods, 176 Wedding pattern establishment: ancient Greece, 13 – 16; ancient Rome, 16 – 17; Mesopotamians, 10 – 13 Wedding sheets, 37, 164 Wellsburg, West Virginia elopements, 120 – 21 Westermarck, Edward, 71 – 72 What Every Girl Should Know (Sanger), 143 Wine, 78, 104, 178, 179, 199 Wright, Lawrence, 152 Wylie, Laurence, 59 Yoga/yogic tradition, 142 Youngman, Henny, 217 Young Victoria movie, 32 Zeldin, Theodore, 133 Zoroastrian demons, 72 Free ebooks ==> www.Ebook777.com About the Authors JANE MERRILL lives on the St George Peninsula in Maine She is the author, with David Knox, of When I Fall in Love Again (Praeger) She has written or collaborated on books on history, beauty, sexual technique, child rearing, bilingualism, jewelry, Chinese recreation and arts, and recovery from addiction In addition, Jane has published articles on popular culture, art, style, and relationships in dozens of national magazines, including Cosmopolitan, New York, The New Republic, Town and Country, Redbook, Connoisseur, Modern Bride, and Vogue Educated at Wellesley, Harvard, and Columbia, she has three master’s degrees in literature and librarianship CHRIS FILSTRUP is a research librarian at Stony Brook University on Long Island He earned his bachelor’s degree at Haverford College and has two master’s degrees: one from Harvard, in Middle East studies, and one from Columbia, in library science His library career includes administrative positions at the New York Public Library and the Library of Congress He is the author of Beadazzled: The Story of Beads and China: From Emperors to Communes www.Ebook777.com ... elaborate affairs, after which the bride and groom are as likely to fall asleep as to fall into each other’s passionate em- INTRODUCTION xi brace Instead of a sprint, the average wedding is a marathon... honeymoon So they take to the open road and head for the woods, ideal for a romantic night alone But it rains, and the trailer becomes mired in the mud, at a tilt Tacy cannot cook a meal on a slanted... set the ground work for sexual loyalty as a norm From the cradle of paired male and female adults in a society of other adult males and females came the institution THE WEDDING NIGHT of marriage,